Category: Distinctively Kuching

Dolphins In Kuching

There are dolphins in Kuching.
It’s true. Not kidding. I neber bluff u ppl one.
Yes, there are indeed dolphins in Kuching. That’s a fact. I didn’t know it and I think most people in Kuching never realised either. Can you believe it? The ironic thing is that it took a Brit to tell me that there are dolphins in my own backyard when I’ve lived here for 16 years of my life. How embarrassing right?

One thing though. If you’re hoping that the dolphins we have in Kuching are ANYTHING like the ones you see on Gold Coast that can jump through hoops, do tricks and win Olympic gold medals in gymnastics; then sorry lah my friend. You’ll be sorely disappointed.
The dolphins we have in Kuching are Irrawaddy Dolphins. Part of the reason why not many people bother about them is because they are possibly the most boring dolphin species EVER.

Look at it. They are nothing like those dolphins you see in Hollywood movies which are all playful, cute and cuddly. Our Kuching dolphins are so damn freaking ugly they are like the Furong Jiejie of dolphins.

When Francis told me about it, I was skeptical.
Yes, Francis, there are dolphins in Kuching. And there are penguins eating kolo mee in Sekama too.
I thought this Francis must be nuts. Maybe he kayak too much, his wife not happy and whacked him in the head with the kayak paddle. Nonetheless I was still interested and curious about these “Kuching dolphins”.

Francis proposed that we go dolphin watching on a kayak and we agreed to meet up during the Tuesday public holiday. Joining us were Peggy from World Conservation Society in New York and the dolphin expert Wayne from
Together, we are the Oarsome Foursome. Hur hur.

The weather that day was simply perfect. And it turns out we don’t even have to travel far to go dolphin-watching.

Wayne brought us to an abandoned private beach in Santubong – just 40 minutes away from the city and a short distance away from the Damai Beach resort area. Dolphins in Santubong? Now I’m even more skeptical.
By the way, this marks the second time I kayak, and the first time I had to paddle a one-person kayak into an open river.

Someone in the background doesn’t like me. 🙁

After a false start, I managed to get my body into the kayak. Along with two muddy feet.

We were paddling aimlessly for about half an hour or so in the Santubong River and there wasn’t any signs of dolphins around. I was disappointed, though I wasn’t exactly expecting to see any to begin with.
Irrawaddy Dolphins are after all listed as an endangered species, so it’s likely less than 0.1% of the Kuching population has seen one. If you can spot one in Kuching, can buy 4D liaw.

I joked to Francis telling him that if we couldn’t take photos of the dolphins, I’ll just photoshop some up so people would believe us. Then we heard it.
“Over there!” Peggy yelled out to us. We stared at the general direction she was pointing at, and we saw this.

We were so excited we nearly creamed our pants.
The four of us quickly paddled towards the dolphins, probably scaring them off in the process. It wasn’t until much later when we learnt how to approach the dolphins cautiously that they begin to warm up to us. And when they come in groups, boy, do they come in large groups.

At one point in the water, we were quietly sitting on our kayaks and four different groups of dolphins were encircling us. Each group probably around 10 dolphins. There were no propellers, no noise, no sounds of paddles hitting the water.

Just the four of us, silently watching dolphins swimming from all around us, rolling up gracefully onto the surface, sprouting jets of water off their backs before diving back down again. They look so tame, so harmless in the nature.

It was an amazing experience of sight and sound. Words cannot do justice to how magical it was to be so close those rare and elusive dolphins of Sarawak in the wild. And I take pride in knowing that I’m one of the first few to be watching these gentle mammals from a kayak.
To me, it sure beats watching stupid dolphins jumping around in Sea World.

For more information on dolphins in Sarawak, visit Wayne’s blog. Or try your hand at kayaking with Francis Ho.
Kuching is a great place. There’s no other cities in the world I know of that allows you to watch wild dolphins frolicking about in their natural habitat without travelling miles away into the countryside. For now, we still have the privilege of watching these endangered dolphins off the shores of Santubong.

That’s a privilege we should make full use of. At least until they decide to build more resorts around the area and scare all the dolphins away with pollution.

Zen Overkill

There seems to be an unmistakable trend in the Kuching dining scene lately.

Jalan Padungan used to be the home of dirty motels and old-fashioned shops selling fruits and vegies. The past few years saw many hip n chic pubs and cafes setting up their bases here, slowly but surely transforming the once nostalgic street into Kuching’s own Bangsar or Clarke Quay.
And I love it. At least now there’s LESS reason for people to complain how boring Kuching is. (Damn you people. YOU HAPPY NOW?)

Magenta, Jalan Nanas

If there’s anything these these new cafes have in common, it’s definitely the over-usage of this “new age Zen” theme in their designs. Must be the overpopularity of Bing, which prompted so many copycat cafes wanting to emulate it’s success.

The latest “culprit” in this game of Zhng My Restaurant is Tao.
Tao is the new “Lifestyle Cafe and Gallery” along Jalan Padungan, and is brought to you by the same owner and designer as my favourite coffee house Bing.
Btw, Tao means “Dao4” in Mandarin. Not “Head” in Hokkien hor.

Havin’ a drink

Food and coffee here is absolutely fantastic. I just don’t know what to make of the ambience.
It’s like whichever direction I look to, there’s a blardy image of Buddha…




All these Buddha paintings and statues is scaring me a little. I had to look up at the ceiling because I figured hey, they can’t possibly hang a statue of Buddha over my head right?
Guess what I saw?

Nabeh, want to drink one cup of coffee also have to like bai Tua Peh Kong liddat.

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Kayak In Kuching

Francis Ho is the coolest 49-year-old I know in Kuching.

When I met this guy at the Kuching Bloggers Meet about 2 weeks ago, I was wondering what the heck is this uncle doing with a bunch of 20-something/teenage bloggers. Dodgy right! After all, we live in a crazy world nowadays and sadly, not everything is as rosy as it’s meant to be.
Turns out that Francis has more than enough reason to be there.

Francis is an architect by profession, and the author of Kuching Kayaking – possibly the only blog site dedicated to kayaking in Kuching.
Kenny: “What? You mean there are places to kayak in Kuching?”
Francis: “Eh hello friend, Sarawak is not nicknamed The Land of Rivers for nothing ok!”

According to Francis, Sarawak has boutique-quality rivers that rival some of the best in the world. It’s a mystery why river sports aren’t popular among Sarawakians, and a bigger mystery why the tourism industry never tapped into this potential of the state.
Francis and I agreed to meet up again on the 4th day of CNY (a Wednesday) to take me out for my virgin kayaking trip.

Of course lah, me being me, I had to go screw it up by confusing the 4th day of CNY with a Thursday (I knew it’s the fourth day of something!) Ended up delaying the trip for a good one hour, and making everyone feel like hitting me with the kayak paddle.

We set out for Sungai Sarawak Kanan (Sarawak River East), departing from the town of Krokong and (hopefully) end up at The Wind Caves near Bau. Joining us were veterans Joseph and Danny, and fellow kayaking virgins Mary and Lau.

This is me getting all geared up. I regretted not wearing long-sleeve that day. My shoulders are getting all lobster-ized from the fierce sun rays as I’m typing this.

Charlie’s Angels gone wrong: Lau and Mary, furniture shop owners; Francis, main guide; Danny, civil engineer/commando; Kenny, excess baggage; Joe, second-in-command

And that’s our team before we set off!
I took the same boat with Francis, which is good for me but bad for him. Why? Because many times when the boat got so heavy it wouldn’t even move! The 49-year-old uncle had to get off the boat and tug it to the deeper end.
#%^&*#@! I’ll go on diet soon lah ok! Hehe.

Ten minutes into our journey, I realised why kayaking is such a passion for Francis Ho.

The view from the river isn’t just amazing, it’s simply breathtaking. The air here is as fresh as it can get. The sounds of birds and wildlife are like music to the ears. This is like entering your own private sanctuary. I never knew a place like this existed – right in my own backyard.

500m onwards, I began to see some unique wave-like rock formations by the river bank. These spectacular sculptures aren’t even man-made, but the results of years of water damage and erosion.

The weather was almost perfect, though it rained briefly during our journey. Doesn’t matter anyway, ‘cos we’re wet already. Err… wet from water splashes, not from orgasmic ecstacy ok. 😉

It was exhausting paddling non-stop, and we took many breaks along the way whenever we can. Francis was doing ok though. I can’t believe I don’t have the stamina of someone more than twice my age, old enough to be my father!
Actually I DO have the stamina, just not in the arms department. Somewhere lower lah.

There’s no toilets around so when we had to go, we relieve ourselves into the river. Heh… hope no one is bathing downstream. Free urine shower gel!

We encountered some friendly people along the way, like this native kampung boy who was fishing with a spear gun.

And some crazy people doing back flips from the rocks into the water.

By 2pm, we could hear sounds of picnickers playing about in the water. A bend later, we finally arrived at our destination – Wind Cave National Reserve.
We conquered Sungai Sarawak Kanan! We departed from Krakong around 10am, so that makes it 4 hours to cover the distance of over 15km.

Download Kayak in Kuching Video here [MPG, 1m26s, 1.25MB]
It’s my first time kayaking and I find it an exhausting but worthwhile experience. My fingers are still hurting from paddling too hard. It hurts so bad in fact that I’m typing this entry using my toes now.

The rivers of Sarawak are this state’s best kept secrets, and the best way to enjoy them in all their splendour is by boat. I’m grateful to have met Francis through our blogs, otherwise I wouldn’t even have discovered this hidden treasure in my own homeland.

Sarawak is the Land of Rivers, and Sungai Sarawak Kanan is just the first river I had the pleasure of kayaking in. After yesterday, I’m almost certain that it wouldn’t be my last.

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Best of Kuching Series

Having returned to Kuching for almost one full year, I thought it might be a good idea to jot down some of my favourite haunts in Kuching.
Best Bar
BarZing, Travilion

BarZing @ Travilion Mall

BarZing is the best bar in Kuching for it’s nice atmosphere, affordable drinks and especially those REALLY REALLY REALLY hot barmaids. Their music could do with a little bit of improvement though – they have the habit of playing ‘My Humps’ more than 3 times a night.

Senso @ Hilton Hotel

If you got serious cash to burn and a credit card with no limit, the exclusive Senso @ Hilton is also worth checking out.

Best Hair Salon
Inspiration Alan Salon, Hock Lee Centre

I’m kinda tempted to put Swee Mei‘s cheap RM8 haircut. 😉

But I gotta be honest. Despite one of their junior staff throwing a hissy fit over the review I wrote about them last year, I still think Alan Salon is the best hair salon in town. From RM25 for a wash & cut, Alan Salon’s hairstylists are a cut above many other expensive hair salons, without the hefty price tags.

Best Orh Jien (Oyster Omelette)
Ocean King, off Persiaran Ban Hock

Kuching Orh Jien is unlike any other Orh Jien. Ours are made like a pizza with a crispy omelette base topped with cooked oysters garnished with coriander leaves, usually served with some specially-made salty soy sauce.
When it comes to the freshest oysters on the crispiest omelette bases in Kuching, Ocean King’s Orh Jien takes the big prize, hands down.

Best New Age Restaurant
Bla Bla Bla…, next to Ting & Ting’s at the Jalan Tabuan Roundabout

Bla Bla Bla…

There’s a lot of losers opportunists out there who jumped in on the whole Zen-insired theme after Bing’s runaway success a few years back. In reality only a handful did it right. Of those, Jambu (Jalan Central Barat) is best for chilling out. Magenta (Jalan Nanas) serves the most delicious Nyonya food in town.


For the best of both worlds and more, go Bla Bla Bla… Bizarre name for a restaurant, but great food, great ambience, great everything.

Best New Drink
Iced Milo Dinosaur

I predict this drink is gonna take Kuching cafes by the storm the same way Three-Layered Teh-C-Peng did a few years ago. This is standard Milo, blended with ice, topped with a generous tinful of Milo powder.

Original is best, and the original Iced Milo Dinosaur can be found at Mambo King @ Travilion.

Best Kolo Mee
KY Cafe, Jalan Sekama

Legendary Kuching kolo mee with char sio yew made by the three easily-recognised owners (the fat, the tall and the old). Their kolo mee is so sinfully yummiliciously oily, you’ll wonder if they secretly added KY Jelly to lubricate it.

Have a bite.

Best Sarawak Laksa
Madam Tang’s, Jalan Petanak

Madam Tang’s RM10 Special Sarawak Laksa

RM10 gets you one huge bowl of Sarawak Laksa with prawns the size of baby dragons. Not too spicy, not too sweet – in fact, it’s just perfect. And I’m salivating just thinking about it right now.

Madam Tang’s Gubak Mee

Madam Tang’s also serves one of the best Gubak Mee (Beef noodles) in town.

Best Coffee
Bing Coffee Company, Jalan Padungan

My biggest worry before I came back was how the caffeine addict in me is gonna survive after being spoilt for choices at coffee-happy Australia. Bing is like a god-sent for me.

Using only Illy Coffee (best beans in the world), our homegrown coffee house kicked those franchise brands’ arses so hard, their competitors had to eat dinner standing up for the rest of their lives.

Best Cakes
Tom’s, Jalan Padungan

Words cannot describe how heavenly these cheesecakes are.

Their Double Choc Praline at RM8.95 per piece is simply superb. Just imagine this sweet luscious baby melting in your mouth, right now.

Of course, these are just my personal favourites. And no, no one paid me to do this.
Hmmm… I think I should start a meme. 🙂 Where are the best places to eat, drink and play in YOUR home town?

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A Brief Introduction To Kuching

Part of the fun writing for the world wide web is that you get readers from all corners the world. Trouble is, most people know that I’m from Kuching, but not many know where exactly Kuching is.

I remember there was this MSN conversation I had with a friend of mine from Singapore. For privacy reasons, I’m afraid I cannot reveal her identity. Besides, XiaXue wouldn’t like it if I make fun of her on the Internet.
XX: How’s things like north of the causeway?
KS: I’m to your east lah.
XX: When are you coming down to Singapore?
KS: Not anytime soon?
XX: Why not? We’re separated by a couple of mountains only what.
KS: We’re separated by sea lah. Where got mountains.
XX: Just drive down here over the weekland lah.
KS: Cannot lah, how to drive. Can only take the aeroplane to Singapore. Or swim.

(A few days later)
XX: I just came back from Wanyi’s house and I looked up where Kuching is on the map.
KS: That’s what I’m trying to tell you!
XX: I thought it’s just across the causeway!

Can’t blame her for not knowing though. After all, Kuching is an obscure city that’s not very well-known outside of Malaysia. Even those from West Malaysia, particularly the older generation, can’t even differentiate between Sabah and Sarawak. I don’t know which high school they went to, but according to their geography books, Kuching is the capital of Sabah, Kota Kinabalu never existed, and the Sultan of Brunei still controls Sarawak.
Anyway, I just think it’s appropriate that I do a brief introduction to my hometown here.

Kuching is the capital city of Sarawak, a Malaysian state located on big Borneo Island. Long long time ago, Sarawak was actually a part of Brunei. Then, one fine day, some crazy angmoh called James Brooke dropped by the Sultan of Brunei’s palace and said “Oi, siao eh. Limpeh from Britain, and limpeh want to be KING!”

If something like this happened today, we would’ve just scratch our balls, laugh at him and said “KNN! SIAO AH! WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!”
But this was in the 1841, so the Sultan of Brunei scratched his balls, sniffed his fingers and said “Errr… fine loh!”
And just like that, the Brooke Family ruled Sarawak for the next 100 years. Japan said “Ohaiyo-gojayimas” and took over during World War 2. The Australians said “G’day mate!” and saved our asses in 1945.

In 1963, Sarawak, together with Sabah, Singapore and Malaya joined forces like Captain Planet and formed the Federation Malaysia. 2 year later, Lee Kuan Yew said “steady-steady-pom-pi-pi”, pulled out of Malaysia and fast forward Singapore to become the wealthy nation it is today. Sarawak and Sabah stayed on as autonomous states.
Despite Kuching being a formal part of Malaysia, the differences between East and West Malaysia are still quite distinct. In fact, when it comes to the history, language, culture and demographics, sometimes I feel as if Kuching has more in common with Singapore than it has with Kuala Lumpur. For example:
Singapore was once ruled by an ang moh

Sir Stamford Raffles

Kuching was also once ruled by an ang moh!

Sir James Brooke wearing very tight pants

Singapore is named after an animal

Kuching is also named after an animal!

Singapore has Sentosa

Kuching also has Sentosa!

Singaporean youths like portable music

Kuching youths also like portable music!

It was Lee Kuan Yew who commented sometime ago that Kuching reminded him of Singapore 50 years ago. I wouldn’t hold my breath, but if what he said is true, I’ll be rejoicing at the thought that I’d be able to party at this new club called Zouk Kuching some 50 years later.
Too bad, by then I’d probably look like this.

Kuching means “cat” in Malay, which is very odd because there are a lot more stray dogs in Kuching than cats. But lucky we’re not called Anjing. Nonetheless, the entire city is unhealthily obsessed with cats. Not only did we nicknamed ourselves the Cat City; the official city mascot is a cat; there’s at least two huge cat statues in the town, even a bloody huge “cat museum” dedicated to this god-like feline species.

The most common misconception outsiders have about Kuching is that it’s an ulu kampung where people don’t wear clothes, hunt heads and still live on trees.
Actually they are quite right. Look, here’s a picture of me updating!

The best thing about Kuching isn’t its shopping centres nor its night life. It’s the FOOD. That’s why it’s so hard to lose weight here. Food here is so cheap and good. No offense to others hor, but I think our Laksa is the absolute best in the world.

On the downside, like any other small cities, Kuching suffer from typical small-town-mentality. Tongues are loose and gossips spread fast like wildfire. Over here, a lot of people seem to take pride in showing off their children’s academic achievements and then stand on a high pedestal pointing out other people’s downfall. That’s one reason I don’t want to become too well-known within my hometown. Alas, that’s not working out too well. 😉

Despite that, I still love Kuching. Sure, I envy Perth’s beauty, Singapore’s nightlife and KL’s shopping. But come to think of it, there’s no other place in the world that’s so harmonious, so livable, no other place that blends city and country-living so well apart from Kuching. And I love it, just like small mouse love big rice.

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Kuching Parking 101

Us Kuching drivers are really one of a kind.

See, most of us who drive on the road have a proper and legal driver’s license (I hope). Thats mean we must at least pass our theory exams on road signs, road rules and stuff right? You know, the one that says “green means go, red means stop” and so on.
I tell you hor, all these theory exams, we did it for fun only. Actually nobody use one. Bullshit only. Everyone else test their students before giving them their driving license, that’s why we do it also. Must act act a bit make it look real like that mah. Cannot just anyhow give out licenses like giving out APs. What, you think our government is Salvation Army ah?

The reality is, here in Kuching we have like, a completey different set of driving rules. Rules that apply elsewhere doesn’t always apply here.
We Kuching people, we love to be different. That’s why when you come down from our airport, the first thing you see is our state motto: “Sarawak – A Place Like No Other”.
That’s referring to our driving rules.
You know how everywhere else, traffic light green means go, orange means slow, red means stop? Over here, traffic light green means go slow like snail, orange means go slightly faster, red light means go full speed ahead – chiong ahhh!!!

But that’s nothing. You should see the way we park our cars, even more terror. This is Kuching Parking 101, proudly brought to you by

Rule #1: Designated parking bays

This is important when you’re parking small cars like the Kancil or Kenari, to always stick out one of your wheels out. See, because your car is puny and insignificant, people won’t normally notice you. Your moral duty is to annoy them by parking your car slightly over the line so the other person cannot take the bay next to you.
Of course, if you drive big cars like the Pajero and you’re feel rather tulan ‘cos this stupid Kenari had taken up two parking bays, you can always do this.

Rule #2: Yellow lines.

Because it is such a chore to walk 5 steps from the parking bay, you can always park on the yellow lines right next to the shoplots to visit your favourite laksa stall.

Rule #3: Yellow boxes.

Feel free to park on our yellow boxes! See, yellow boxes are like just yellow lines, but with more lines and got nice nice cris cross pattern.
It means VIP parking.

Rule #4: Blue sign with red strike over it.

A common sight at the shoplots next to Sarawak Plaza, there’s always a row of cars parking next to this sign. This is like, Kuching’s international symbol for parking space. Other people use a big big “P”, we use this symbol.
Remember, Kuching people like to be different.

Rule #5: “Strictly No Parking”.

Just like how “Air” in Malay means “Water” when translated to English, the words “Strictly No Parking” is actually Malay. When translated to English, it means “You’re very welcome to park your car here eventhough you might block this entrance to our private car park because you are important and we love you”

Rule #6: The pedestrian walk.

If you have a 4WD, this is premium parking space reserved for you! Who cares about the pedestrians? They can always step on the busy main road to walk around your brand new 4WD if they like.
Damn those stupid pedestrians. Always causing trouble.

At this point, you must wonder. With all these people parking indescriptly at ‘alternative’ parking spaces, what happens to our normal parking bays?

Why, we use them to dry our noodles of course!

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Behind The Scenes At the mrbrown show Podcasts

Download: the mrbrown show Podcast: “Causeway to Kuching” (MP3, 7.2MB, 20m48s)
Topics: Zouk, Kuching clubbing scene, tetno music, origin of Kuching’s name, “what do you call KL-ians?”, tallest building in Kuching, “how do you guys know about Kuching?”, Singapore children now getting taller, Azahari the bomb expert, Miyagi’s army stories from Australia, someone shat on the road, Kuching Kangaroo, Zouk’s water tap.
Subscribe: the mrbrownshow XML feed
Video: Behind The Scenes at “the mrbrown show”

Podcasting is set to revolutionise FM radio the same way MP3 technology revolutionised the music industry. Ever since I acquired the iPod nano, I find myself literally hooked on podcasts and have more or less stopped listening to local radio stations altogether.
I always wonder what goes on behind the scenes at the mrbrown show podcasts. On my last trip to Singapore I was lucky enough to not just appear on the show, but to have the man himself explain to me what went on behind recording and publishing your very own internet radio show.

Equipment-wise, the bare minimum you require is a microphone connected to your computer. But Mr Brown is a bit gung-ho about sound quality, so he made some significant investments acquiring two ice cream cone-like microphones (with stands), a DJ-like set of headphones, a flynet-like pop-guard and a mixer deck that looks like it’s gonna explode if I chin chai press any button on it.

Writeboard – the online collaborative software used to prepare for the mrbrown show podcasts.

Surprisingly, very little work went on behind preparing for the show. Comedy skits like the Zhng My Car series require a bit more work though. For Zhng My Car, Brown and Miyagi would collaborate over Writeboard, where the gist of the script took shape and they can review it individually at work or at home without meeting up face-to-face.
In most cases, Brown and Miyagi simply get together and brainstorm for a few topics an hour before actual recording. Brainstorming was full of laughter and stupid jokes with those two around (check out the video link at the end of this entry). Almost all their shows were done in one take with very little editing effort going into post-production.

For sound-recording and post-editing, Brown uses Apple Garageband on his iMac G4. Any other sound recording software should work just as fine though.
I was nervous as hell throughout the recording, fumbling my lines in more ways than one. Brown was reassuring to me, “Don’t worryyy! If you mess up we will help you out one!”
To him, doing an internet radio show is almost his second nature. In fact, as you will see in the video later, the only time he fumbled was when he did the intro and outro of the show.
After recording, all that’s left to be done is save the MP3 file, upload it, then publish it on the World Wide Web.

Podcasting is not my niche, but I sure had lots of fun recording the mrbrown show (perhaps more fun than the audience who listened to the podcasts). I totally enjoyed myself and I’m sure they did too.
Thanks again, Brown and Miyagi, for inviting me onto the show!
Download: the mrbrown show Podcast: “Causeway to Kuching” (MP3, 7.2MB, 20m48s)

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Kuching Toilet Etiquette

Spotted on the walls of a public toilet in Kuching.

The Kuching government recognised that Kuching people cannot shit and piss properly. That is why they’ve put up these posters all over the public toilets teaching us how to pangsai and pangjio like a true Kuchingnite.
Unfortunately there aren’t any captions accompanying those pics. Being a good Kuching citizen that I am, I decided to do my part in promoting good Kuching toilet etiquette.

Stand closer to the urinal

Because you’re supposed to piss INTO the urinal. Seriously, don’t overestimate the length of your penis. It is not as long as you think, alright? Who do you think you are? Kenny Sia?

Do not squat over the toilet bowl

Dude, the toilet seat is built like a chair for a reason. Don’t dirty the seat by squating over it. As a rule of thumb, you’re supposed to SIT ON IT in order to SHIT ON IT.

Greet your toilet bowl

It ain’t easy getting shit and piss thrown at you your entire life, man. Being a toilet bowl is literally a shitty job. So at least show some respect to your toilet bowl. Before you use it, give him a good pat on bacl and say hello to him. Trust me, your toilet bowl will appreciate it.

Conduct your business

Sit on your throne and quietly listen to the sweet melody of shit falling into the water.

Forget Cafe del Mar. This is chillout music at its best.

Entertain your toilet bowl

Your toilet bowl must be traumatised looking at hundreds of naked hairy ass each day. Be nice now. Spend some time entertaining your toilet bowl. Play with him, tickle him, do anything you can to make him happy dammit.

Praise your toilet bowl

Before you leave, say a few words of encouragement to your toilet bowl. “Good job!”, “World piss!”, “Bye, I’ll shit you tomorrow!”… whatever. It’ll overcome the loneliness experienced by that poor little fella when no one else visits him.

Wash your hands

Remember to wash your hands, boys and girls. You don’t want no brown stains in your fingernails when you eat at KFC. Gives a whole new meaning to Finger Lickin’ Good.

Toilets have feelings too. Remember that next time you use public toilets in Kuching.
This is a community message brought to you courtesy of 🙂

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