I Sleep Better With Chipster (aka Nuffnang Made Me Do This)

My niece sleeps well all the time.

My nephew also sleeps soundly all the time.

But they are kids. For me, I can’t fall asleep as easily as they do.
I sleep better only with Chipster.

Ok look, I don’t mean to make a fool out of myself for no reason. But my blog advertising agency Nuffnang is holding a Pajama Party this 15th March for their 1st year anniversary celebration, and I don’t wanna miss it for anything else.
It’s a gathering of over 300 bloggers from all throughout Malaysia and Singapore, in their pyjamas, at the Borneo Baruk Club (next to Pavilion KL).
Just think Dawn Yang in her nighties.

The only way I could be invited is if I do up this entry, and TODAY is the deadline. After everything that Nuffnang has done for me in the past 12 months, this is the least I could do for them in return, right?
Well, not really.
Actually I am “forced” into doing this.
I didn’t really wanna publish this entry at first because I know kennysia.com readers don’t like too many ads on my site. But you see, if I don’t do it, then Nuffnang co-founder Ming Shen would release the entire set of these incriminating photographs he took using a hidden camera when I visited his place last year

Ummm… it wasn’t what it looks like.
I’m not into teddy bears.

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How SUPP and DAP Attempt To Appeal To Young Voters, But Failed

Disclaimer: kennysia.com is politically neutral and does not endorse any political party.

When you see a certain white-haired fella on the front page of The Borneo Post so many days in a row, you know election fever in Malaysia has well and truly heat up.

One of the things I observed this General Elections is how both sides of the political spectrum are trying very hard to woo the votes of young Malaysians. In fact, I think they are trying a little too hard.
That is understandable. After all, young ones like us make up a large percentage of swinging voters. This is especially true in the urban seats. Votes from the diehard fans of both parties will cancel each other out, and it is the decision of the swinging voters that will ultimately decide who will win this election.
In short, young voters are very important to the political parties. But when I see what the SUPP and the DAP are doing to appeal to young voters, I LOL-ed. (That stands for “Laugh Out Loud”, you old fogies.)

First, it was Barisan Nasional’s SUPP that released, of all things, a rap song to launch the attack on DAP.
I kid you not, it’s a political election rap song. And a far better one than the one I did for my friend Jeff Ooi a few months back. Still, don’t expect to hear the song anytime soon on Hitz Top 30 alongside Justin Timberlake and 50 Cent.

Here’s the lyrics of the Chinese rap song, roughly translated into English.

WHO SAYS vote rocket will bring development?
WHO SAYS vote rocket will bring in the funds?
WHO SAYS vote rocket will bring down fuel prices?
WHO SAYS vote rocket will change people’s lives?
WHO SAYS SUPP can’t change everything?

Now if you think that rap song sounded familiar, that’s because there’s a good chance you might have heard it from a certain telco prepaid advertisement.

Talk about originality. I wonder how that is gonna attract young voters.
Now, before everyone start laughing at the SUPP and accusing them of piracy. Let’s just say the DAP isn’t any more creative.
DAP’s tagline for the 2008 General Election is “Just Change It”.

Dunno why when I look at this banner I suddenly feel like exercising leh.
But then DAP decided to go one step further. They decided that it’s not good enough to just attract young voters. They must also appeal to little children who have are not yet old enough to vote.
Which is why for this General Elections, in order to appeal to young children, the DAP has released a limited edition soft toy of their official mascot for kids.
They called “The Rocket Kid”.

As a toy for little kids, this mascot is just so… wrong.
I’m sorry, but that just reminded me of one very happily smiling red-coloured penis.
Suddenly, DAP’s election campaign becomes an erection campaign. Some more they had to make the “rocket” go through a blue hole. Maybe that’s just their subliminal way of saying “Oi! Screw you, blue-coloured party!”

Very suggestive to hold it like that woi.

One thing for sure, I hope that “thing” doesn’t vibrate.

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Malaysian Dreamgirl Auditions

Last weekend was an interesting one for me.

As previously mentioned, I was one of the judges for Malaysian Dreamgirl, an new model search reality show that’s soon to be aired exclusively over the Internet.
It was an interesting experience for me for a couple of reasons.

Having always been a fan of such talent contests as Idol and So You Think You Can Dance, I was curious to see how I might fare as a contestant.
Knowing myself though, I doubt I’d go far. Even I gotta admit that my singing and dancing abilities are so crap, I make William Hung look like a dance instructor.

Which is why to find myself on this partciular show, sitting on this side of the judging panel, is quite surreal.
I don’t know anything about modelling. Yet, never in my life would I imagine a small time Kuching boy like me could become a judge of a modelling contest. Let alone working alongside someone like Elaine Daly, who herself is an accomplished local celebrity I previously only read about in magazines.

With so much honour given to me, you’d think I’d handle my job damn seriously, right?
Sadly, no.
I screwed up. Of all days, I had to pick our first day of shooting to screw up. Talk about giving a bad first impression.
Long story short, my flight from Auckland-Sydney-Singapore-KL had a bit of boo-boo. I arrived KL late, my luggage turned up late, and by the time I made my glorious entrance to the set, I was already 2 hours late.
That’s 2 hours that all the cast and crew and contestants had to wait for Kenny Sia to get his diva ass ready.

Ok, so we didn’t get off on a good start, and it’s entirely my fault. Lucky for us though, things only went uphill from there.
My fellow judges Elaine and Jimmy knew each other and had worked together before in the modelling industry before, but it was the first time I sat together with them, so I wasn’t sure how well we would connect.
Surprisingly, we were fantastic together.

The first girl who got through to the second round auditions, Adeline

The first few girls came into audition room and we unanimously turned them away. But when they left, they all said the judges were being too nice.
That was like an ultimate insult to me. As an onscreen talent, I don’t wanna be remembered as a “Mr Nice Guy” who only agrees with what the other two judges was saying.
Fortunately, as more and more girls auditions, the differences between the judges began to naturally emerge.

Veteran stylist Lim Jimmy was hands down the nicest of us all.
He was the “Paula Abdul” of the judges. Jimmy may be relatively unknown before Malaysian Dreamgirl. After this show, I say he’s definitely gonna be remembered as the Mother Theresa of the Dreamgirl judges.
Jimmy sees good in every single girl who auditioned. Even if their model qualities are not immediately obvious, Jimmy would scrutinize them from head-to-toe and give them suggestions on how to improve.

Next is our unofficial Dreamgirl “chief judge” Elaine Daly.
I feel that Elaine has extremely strict qualities when it comes determining which girl has what it takes to become a model. That’s understandable, I guess. Elaine has been modelling since she was 14 and throughout her career, she has met and worked with many beautiful people, including well-known international supermodels.
Obviously, with that as a benchmark, it is difficult for a lot of girls out there to live up to her expectations.

And then there was me, the “common man” of the Dreamgirl judges.
As I’ve mentioned, I was never part of the modelling industry. My yardstick does not extend beyond what I see in men’s magazines and because of that, my standards are very differently from Jimmy and Elaine.
I may not be able to tell from the girls who’ve auditioned, who will “make it” in the industry and who will not. But as soon as the girl walked through the door, I can tell which one is gonna be popular with the audience and which one will face intense criticism from the unforgiving public.

This one seriously cannot make it

Out of the three judges, I think I come across as the harshest and most straightforward of them all.
It wasn’t intentional and I didn’t mean to be harsh. My job is to the voice out what the typical internet commentors think about these girls who auditioned, and I tell ya, these internet commentors aren’t gonna be nice. If the girls are gonna participate in a popularity contest like this one, they are gonna have to deal with a lot of the negative comments posted online.

“I demand TWO REASONS why I did not make it past the auditions!”

So I sent a couple of girls crying out of the audition rooms.
On last count, my score was 4.
Elaine – nil.
Jimmy – nil.

Elaine and I are often locking horns with each other, mainly because we have very different standards when it comes to judging the girls.
One of things we could not agree on is the contestants’ height.
You will win points from Elaine Daly if you are tall and slender.
For me, I think height is not the most important quality a model should have. I reckon as long as you have a sweet and presentable face, you’re good to be a model already.

Danii, 155cm and full of spunk

A lot of girls who auditioned are very pretty eventhough they are small and petite. I had to campaign very hard to put these girls through, much to the dismay of Elaine Daly.
The former Miss Malaysia said, “This is not choose-a-girl-for-Kenny. This is Malaysian Dreamgirl. You can have a show called Kenny’s Dreamgirl where all girls are cute and short and girl-next-door. But this is Malaysian Dreamgirl.”

Elaine and I, right before she tore my head off

Even by my reduced standards, 7 out of 10 girls who came to audition are completely clueless about what it takes to be a model. At the very least, I would expect them to come dressed in their best and blow us away. But no.
A lot of girls auditioned came wearing what they would wear when they go out shopping with their friends on a Saturday afternoon. And to me, that just ain’t good enough.

“They said my dress looks like it’s made from a roadside mamak stall’s table cloth.”

Anyway, it was a very interesting first few days of auditions.
The Malaysian Dreamgirl auditions was also my first taste of how things work in the entertainment circles, and I must say I enjoyed it immensely.
The chemistry between the three of us judges was fantastic considering it was the first time we worked together. We complement each other very well, and in the end we picked an extremely well-varied group of finalists across all different races, age groups and experience levels.

Natasha, Priscilla, Adeline, Jean and Jay

12 finalists will enter the Dreamgirl House this weekend and be placed into lockdown for 2 months.
I cannot tell you who those 12 finalists are, so you have to check that out yourself. Sure, some contentious decisions were made and some of the more popular girls (like Cheesie) were eliminated, but when the time comes I’ll explain why they did not make the cut.

The first episode of Malaysian Dreamgirl will go to air Thursday next week on the 6th March on malaysiandreamgirl.tv, so be sure to bookmark your browsers.
I’m proud of the 12 girls we picked. Looking at them, this show is guaranteed be a rollercoaster ride of drama, emotions, jealousy and joy.

As for me, I’m just glad to take a break from the intense travelling between KL and Kuching for a while and put my focus back into kennysia.com.
I miss updating regularly.

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Back To Reality

Finally, my Kiwi holiday is coming to an end.

After spending one week just kicking back, relaxing and enjoying time with my family, I am finally ready to head home to resume my hectic work life.
Before that, there’s another thing to settle.
In a moment, I’ll be boarding my flight from Auckland to Sydney, then to Singapore, then to Kuala Lumpur. As soon as I arrive at the KLIA, I’ll be going straight to the PWTC and be there by 10am to fulfill my judging duties for MalaysianDreamgirl.tv

The open auditions for our model search is this Saturday and Sunday from 10am to 5pm.
Response to our call for auditions has been tremendous so far and the number of pre-registrations have exceeded all our expectations. I must say things are looking great for us. There are some interesting characters we’re expecting to turn up, but also some that’ll be sure to make people go “WTF?”

Turn up like this and you’ll immediately get my vote to qualify

For those who wanna take part in the show but still haven’t registered, it’s fine to just walk into PWTC and audition on the spot.
Those who registered, just bring along a copy of your confirmation forms. Then on the day, just walk in with confidence and don’t worry about it all. Don’t be nervous. Elaine, Jimmy and I are all nice people really. 😉
Actually, I might be even more nervous. I still haven’t got hold of this whole “model-judging” thing yet. Maybe if I do some more research, I might know what to look for in a model.

Gtg. Do “research”.

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NZ Road Names

New Zealand is such an awesome holiday destination, but it does have some really odd place names.

My sister’s place is at Rototuna. Today I’m staying at a place called Whangarei, and tomorrow I’ll be diving at a place called Tutukaka.
Imagine that! A place called “Tutukaka”! Lucky it’s called “Tutukaka” and not “Kukutata”, because that was my other nickname.
Don’t you know? My nickname was “Kukutata” because my “kuku” is very “tata”.

A lot of these names are Maori instead of English, and that is why they sounded so weird.
For a Malaysian travelling in New Zealand, these Maori names can be quite confusing and difficult to remember. Most of the time I had to translate them into something else that sounded similar in Mandarin or Hokkien, just so it’s easier for me to remember.
For example, this is how I remember some of the road names.

“Fish is softer” road.

Wrong street.

Shit street.
“No exit” means it’s having constipation.


Hotel “Bad Brother.”

“Caucasian brother” street.

“Good father” street.

“Go f*ck yourself” street.

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Chinese New Year 2008

Happy Chinese New Year of the Rat Hamster!

This holiday break, I’ll be going away to spend time with my sister’s family in Hamilton, near Auckland, New Zealand. I hadn’t had a proper holiday since my trip to Hanoi last September, and I’ve been working extremely hard lately so I reckon I definitely need to go away and recharge my batteries before jumping yet again into the rat race. Pardon the pun.
I haven’t seen my nephew and niece for more than a year and I miss them. Besides, my sister popped a new one out last year, and I hadn’t properly introduced myself to that little girl yet.

I’m at Singapore Changi Airport right now waiting for my ten hour flight to Sydney, before popping on another three hour flight to Auckland.
Won’t be doing much travelling around NZ, but if anyone is available to take me around Auckland please let me know. In the meantime, updates on kennysia.com will be sporadic over the next two weeks. But hey, there’s better things to do this festive season than reading my blog, right? 😉

Until then, Gong Xi Fa Cai and take care of your loved ones.

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kennysia.com Detox Diet Results

Earlier this week, I went on a 5-day-fruit-and-veg-only detox diet.

It was horrible.
The 5 days that I spent detoxing was the longest 5 days of my life. The last time I felt time move that slowly was when I accompanied some girls go shopping at 1Utama.
But you know what? It’s worth it. Going through detox was hellacious when I started. The moment it was over, I’ve never felt more relieved. I’m definitely feeling much lighter and cleaner on the inside.

Day One of my detox started with a cup of TruDtox tea. The tea bags come sealed in little sachets, and all I gotta do is dunk it into a glass of hot water like a normal tea bag. Brew it for 20 minutes, and I’m good to go.

I must admit it doesn’t taste too bad. Most detox products I tried before tastes and looks exactly like the stuff you’re meant to pass out. Like shit, in other words.
Luckily this one doesn’t fall into that category. It’s got a strong peppermint flavour to it, and it makes a good substitute for coffee – which is something a caffeine addict like me had to sacrifice during detox.

I couldn’t feel much of effect the first time I drank it. The only thing different was that my first piss of the day was dark yellow eventhough I drank gallons of water throughout the day.
My meal portions were all kept really small. Breakfast for me was just a green apple, lunch two pieces of bananas and dinner was half a papaya. That’s a pathetically small amount of food, but by some miracle I managed to hold it through.

I got through work at the office without much hassle and still even managed hit the gym. But as soon as I got home, I’m already feeling the rumble and the tightness in my stomach intensified. Moments later, I was sitting on the toilet bowl flushing it out.
I’ll save you the details, but suffice to say – it stinked like hell and it wasn’t pretty.

The second day was the worst of all.
I woke up feeling like crap, went to work feeling like crap, went home feeling like crap, went to bed feeling like crap. I began to wonder why the heck I put in so much effort when I could simply be fat and happy and live a short life.

I went for my regular Friday run, but I was so fatigued I could only managed to walk. Crawling doesn’t seem like a bad option at the time too. For lunch I rewarded myself with a dish of mushroom salad from Tom’s, but even then I was too weak and tired to do anything productive at all.
To make things worse, I got home, looked at myself in the mirror and what do I see? More pimples on the face.

I was ready to give up. But things start looking a bit better by day three onwards.
I discovered eating bananas makes me feel full quite easily. After two day of detoxing and near-fasting, my stomach was starting to get used to the little amounts of food I put in. I still felt weak, but not so bad till I couldn’t lift a book. In fact, I managed to lift normal weights at the gym. Felt more alert and energized during work because sleep has improved.

I tell ya, the only thing worse than dieting, is dieting when everyone gives you food FOR FREE. On the evening of day three, I was flown to KL to attend the Jay Chou event sponsored by a snackfood company. Imagine how difficult it was to stick to my diet plan then, I had to grit my teeth and say no to all the free snacks.

By the fourth day of detoxing, I start to see the difference in my “toilet activities.” The colour of the piss have turned clearer, and the mess I left in the toilet bowl also no longer resembled the Afghanistan warzone I created on Day One. That’s a good thing, right?
It’s the sign that the toxins are slowly exiting my system. Or maybe I’ve just secretly uncovered my talent of shitting beautifully.

Yesterday was the fifth and final day. I like how my body is feeling right now. I had a fantastic session at the gym. The bloatedness is gone, the pipes are definitely clean and the engines are running smoothly once again. The only thing I couldn’t get used to is having to go the loo so often. I spent so much time with the toilet bowl it’s becoming my soulmate.

But whatever I was doing, I must be doing it right.
My pimples are going away, my mental alertness has gone up, and best of all? I stepped on the scales just now and this is what I got.

Before I started detoxing, I weighed 88kg. Now I weigh 84kg. I lost 4kg in 5 days. Not bad huh?
I’m back to eating meat and regular portions of meals now, but I’m still drinking the detox tea every morning for maintanence. I reckon this is by far the easiest detox program ever. All I take everyday is a warm cup of TruDtox tea.
What I gotta do now is maintain my fitness and keep that weight OFF.

… after I finish this bowl of kolo mee! HEHE.

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Kung Fu Dunk Uth Fest

What a wonderful, wonderful event last night.

My flight was delayed and I arrived at the venue one hour later than my scheduled appearance, but damn, what a hot crowd at 1Utama last night.
That was easily the most amazing crowd I have ever been in front of. Even the cold weather and drizzling rain could not dampen the crowd’s mood.

Liang, as usual, was excellent in working up the passionate crowd. When it was my turn to go up on stage, the roaring reception the audience bestowed on me was one normally reserved for rock stars and famous actors. Not bloggers!
Before this, the only time I had people chanting my name so loudly was when I owe them money.

That’s me showing off my sugar cane chopping skillz

Seriously, I have honestly never felt more welcomed and appreciated. Thank you to all of you guys at 1Utama last night. I’m just a boy from a small town, man, I don’t deserve this.
Of course lah, everyone was there not really to see me but to have a peek at Taiwanese superstar Jay Chou.

There was a buzz in the air when the man himself arrived backstage in a 4WD. The man was here on a promotional tour for his new movie Kung Fu Dunk.
Jay Chou wore jeans and jacket over a white T-shirt with pink lipstick mark, and he looked every bit like a talented superstar that he is.

Despite how well run the event was last night, there were two things that pissed me off.
The first one was how security completely refused to let an audience member who was disabled into the barricaded area. The guy was confined to the wheelchair and could not see past the barricades. He still went there with his guardians and the rest of crowd under the rain. He asked me to help him get permission to sit closer to the stage, and I asked the security in charge there to let him through. TWICE. Both times I was brushed off with a rude “Cannot! Cannot! Cannot!”
Dude, the guy could not even WALK. He’s not gonna rush up on stage and cause a big ruckus if that’s what you’re concerned. All he wanted was a better view of the stage and you would not even let him through? Don’t be an asshole.

The second issue I had was how over-protective Jay Chou’s entourage was. Security around Jay Chou last night was tighter than a fish’s arse.
You could not even step within 3 metres of the star without being hassled by his security. I’ve met the Black Eyed Peas before who are arguably a lot more popular than Jay Chou, and even they were only surrounded by less security guards.

May Zhee with the love of her life

It made the experience very impersonal and honestly quite unfair to fans like me who have idolised him and followed his career for so long. I commented how even the SPONSORS of the event itself, the ones who paid for their appearance, had trouble getting close to the star and have a chat with him.

Apart from those two issues though, I do appreciate the gestures from the sponsor and event organizer flying me down, and giving me an opportunity to meet up with the only Chinese celebrity that I truly admired and idolised since young.
At least I got his damn-difficult-to-obtain autographs!

Jay Chou left shortly after that, and I attended the gala movie premiere of Kung Fu Dunk at the GSC Gold Class cinema thanks to Mamee Funkees.
The movie itself is fun and has a few classic hilarious moments. It has a script is ridiculously unrealistic but it’s mindless combination of action and comedy, so do watch it when it comes out in cinemas this 7th February.

This is one photo I am gonna treasure a lot.

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