The Stellars

Today’s entry started out as a Blog Plug of the Day in my Short Talk, but turns out that this one deserves an entry on it’s own.

See, today’s Blog Plug of the Day is not a blog, but the Friendster profiles of four Paris Hilton-worshipping KL socialites. Their pages have been going around via word of mouth on MSN for a while now, and I simply HAD to share it with you guys or I’ll be failing my honourable duty as a webmaster.
Honestly, I do not know what to make of them.
These girls are so outrageously narcissistic, it’s RIDICULOUS to the point of being HILARIOUS. Just look at their profiles, and repeat after me. “Holy shit! Are they FOR REAL!?”

Check it out. They are Malaysia’s VERY OWN Pussycat Dolls. Introducing… “Babybelle” Cheesilicious! “Tiara” Jasmine! “Jewelstar” Melissa! And “Princess” Melyssa!

Give it up for The Stellars!

“Fashion is my passion and shopping is my talent.” Word!
Man, I don’t know what’s so special about them but I’m a fan already. Where do I sign up for their Louis Vuitton Handbag Trust Fund?
Japan has Harajuku Girls. Malaysia has The Stellars. High fashion never looked so good and I LOVE ‘EM!

I reckon all girls should aspire to be a Stellar. Didn’t somebody used to say that there’s nothing sexier than a woman’s confidence?

Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like she? 😉

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n. adj. tu·lan

  1. A pig’s penis.
  2. A feeling of extreme dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
  3. What Kenny Sia is feeling right now.

Example of usage:
Have you ever had a tulan moment?

As a blogger whose photography and writings are freely published on the Internet, one of the most tulan things that could ever happen is when some other blogger took my work and published it as THEIR OWN without acknowledging as their source.
Something else EVEN MORE tulan is when I read newspapers or magazines, and find out that the article they published look suspiciously like what I’ve written before on my blog.
But that is still ok.

But when some stranger stole a photo I took from my website, removed the watermark, mailed it to a major newspaper, AND THEN won herself a whopping RM50 in the process. I tell you, I won’t just be feeling si beh tulan ok?
I will be feeling THE MOTHER OF ALL TULANS!
I’m not talking about normal cute cute pink colour Hello Kitty-sized tulan.


This is a picture someone mailed in to The Star published on page N34 on the 24th February 2006. (Thanks for the heads up, Matthew)

And THIS is the picture of a roadsign I took some 9 months ago along Jalan Tun Jugah where a new car showroom was being built.

Would I not be feeling si beh tulan, knowing that someone who stole the photo I TOOK USING MY OWN CAMERA got this?

BLOODY HELL! Who is this Vivian Chew? Makes me wanna chew Vivan Chew.
Dammit, I want my 50 ringgit back!

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Kuching Also Got Handphone Sex Scandal

Word over in Singapore is that a 17-year-old girl named Tammy recorded a video of her having sex with her boyfriend on a handphone.

Damn Ultraman toy in the background gets to see all the action.

As fate would have it, Tammy’s handphone was stolen one fine day and *SHOCK* *HORROR* the 10-minute video of the couple doing the nip-nip-wiggy-wiggy broke out to the hamsap ah peks all over the world through the evil reaches of the Internet.

Overnight, this pretty Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP) cheerleader found herself in a uhhh… compromising position (hehehe) as the latest Internet XXX star with her brand new stage name “Tammy NYP”.
When Nokia build cameras into their handphones, I bet they never intend it to be for this purpose.

Come to think of it, she might as well make use of her new found fame to endorse her school.
As someone who has experience in internet sex scandals (hehe), I honestly pity the poor girl. Say all you want, you gotta admit that she does NOT deserve all this humiliation.
True, she may had a momentary lapse in judgment – everybody does at some point. But exposing the identity of the couple? Come on. The public execution shown on the forums just goes to show how disgusting the humankind is.
I read that even her school is thinking of expelling her to save them some “face”.
See, that’s the kind of thing I don’t understand.

Remember the Nude Squat incident a sometime back? By right, you’d think the police force is gonna kena. But instead the messenger was shot dead, the perpetrator walked away scot-free. “Standard Operating Procedure” they say.
Here, the Handphone Thief got away and Tammy the Victim kena instead. What the fuck right? Maybe next time you can steal an iPod and Steve Jobs will go to jail.
Someone explain to me what kind of logic this is.

Interestingly, something similar happened in sleepy ol’ Kuching around the same time.
At least over here we have the decency not to upload the video onto the Internet and expose the identity of the couple.

Kuching animals damn power, can use handphones to send MMS.

“Animals” aye? 😉
She must be watching the Discovery Channel instead.

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Product Naming for Dummies

Marketing people sucks.

Every now and then these people sit in their comfy offices scratching their balls thinking of new ways to infiltrate their latest “marketing buzzwords” into our vernacular.
That’s not the sad part. The sad part is when these products become popular, every other marketing managers and their dogs begin coming up with similar product names hoping to cash in on their popularity. Problem is, a lot of these product names making little or no sense at all.
I can almost visualise their marketing departments’ thought process in Dilbert-style comics.

Here’s top 3 marketing monikers I find most annoying.
The -360° Suffix

Made famous by: Microsoft
Originally used to mean: A new revolution
Shameless abused by: Yahoo
Examples: Microsoft’s Xbox 360°; Yahoo’s Yahoo 360°.
Name you’ll never hear: MRT 360° – Going Right Back To Where You Started.

The Cyber- Prefix

Made famous by: Cybernetics
Originally used to mean: Through the use of a computer.
Shameless abused by: Cyberjaya – a white elephant trying too hard to be that futuristic world class “intelligent city” it initially set out to be.
Examples: Cyberspace, Cybercafe, Cybersex, Cybercrime, Cyberlaw.
Phrase you’ll never hear: “Kanina Chow Cyber!” – Cuss words coming out from the mouths of Multimedia University students when they failed a major assignment.

The i- Prefix

Made famous by: Apple
Originally used to denote: Connectivity to the Internet, replacing the ubiquitous “e-” prefix during the dotcom boom in the mid 90s.
Shameless abused by: Osim
Examples: Apple’s iPod, iMac, iBook; Osim’s iSymphonic, iDesire, iGallop.
Product you’ll never see: Osim iSuck – The New Vacuum Cleaner From Osim.

That’s just the beginning. I have a feeling that the world isn’t about to move away from the whole “lower-case single character prefix” craze anytime soon.
And it’s getting real iRRitating.

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Sucky Sunday

So, how was your weekend?

Hope you had a good one ‘cos mine was spent on a hellacious 6-hour bus ride from Kuching to the ulu Saratok, which the bus OF ALL DAYS chose to break down on a hot 35 degree day, leaving us having to wait for FOUR hours until reinforcements arrived and drove us to our destination.

Disclaimer: This photo is here for illustration purposes only and may or may not be a true and accurate representation of a Saratokian cockroach.

I’m blogging from the comforts of my “hotel room” via GPRS right now. By “hotel”, I meant converted shophouse located above a local fastfood chain. Any by “room”, I meant ant-and-cockroach-infested pig sty. Nothing says I love you more than a Saratokian cockroach sharing the same bed with you.
On a different note, I have to say I’m completely BLOWN AWAY by the amount of support I have received so far regarding the marathon.
Initially I was only expecting 2 corporate sponsors max, but I’ve ended up getting much more than that. Heh, I think I’ll go down in history as the most unqualified athlete ever to receive sponsorship deals.
I’ll definitely be donating part of the proceeds to charity. Maybe the National Society of Marathoners Who Passed Out Before Completing The Race. I heard they need help.
Heck, one guy even suggested betting on how many kilometres I could achieve before I pass out/give up. He offered RM100 for every km I reach, or I’d have to pay him RM100 for every km I could NOT finish. I didn’t accept the offer.
Thanks a million to everyone who offered words of encouragement. Sorry I won’t be accepting any personal donation as I have nothing to give in return.
As for the others, I’d reply all e-mails when I return to Kuching tonight yea?
Food for thought.
Kenny: I’d like to date girls who are carbon copies of myself.
naeboo:Eww… that’s BORING!
Is it better to date somebody similar to you, or someone whose differences complement you?

I Need Sponsors

I just signed up for the 42km KL International Marathon that’s gonna happen in two weeks time.

I hate forms that ask for redundant information. What’s the point?

The only reason I did it was because Eddie issued me a challenge, promising that he’ll bank in USD50 for me if I managed to complete the whole 42 kays.
Now you know I am not one to back down from a challenge, because MY NAME IS KENNY SIA AND I HAVE TESTICLES THE SIZE OF COCONUTS DAMMIT! 😉

I hesitated at first because I know endurance is not my forte. Strength-wise I’m fine, I just don’t have the stamina for a full-fledged marathon race.
Actually I DO have stamina, just not on my feet. Somewhere higher.
Regardless, I’m obviously not in it to win it – I just wanted to see if I have the perseverance to run the full 42 km.

Likely photo of Kenny Sia, post-marathon.

There is one problem though: I’ve calculated my expenses to KL, and all-in-all I have to pay about RM700 for travel and accomodation. That is NOT good for someone who’s been living with an expanding credit card debt for the past few months.
I’m looking for corporate sponsors to finance my trip to KL. As a once-off offer only, I’m selling 1-month image advertisement space on for just RM300 (that’s SGD130, or USD80). Not many media that can offer 13000 daily audience for that price, so long as you’re clear that you’re sponsoring Kenny Sia and not Michael Johnson, it’s a pretty good deal. E-mail me at im [at] for details.

Just submitted my application form and booked my AirAsia flight to KL on the 4th March. The competition is happening 5am on the 5th March and I’m probably gonna pass out from exhaustion in the hotel room immediately after the marathon [Sorry Lainey, no more La Bodega this time]. Hmmm… do you think AirAsia flights have room for stretchers?
Speaking of which, having the competition start at 5am is damn ridiculous. Bloody hell, 5am is NOT the time to run ok, it’s the time I go to SLEEP.
Heck, they ought to have a competition JUST to see if I can wake up before 5am.

Come to think of it, me taking up the marathon challenge is a really bad idea.
It’s bad because:
1. I’ve never participated in a marathon race ever before.
2. The only training I had was walking around KLCC for 3 hours carrying Nicole’s shopping bags.
3. All the other contestants look like this.

And I look like this.

But heck, I’ve signed up already.
I just hope I can still feel my legs after the race.

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Easy Victim Of Consumerism

Over the weekend, I headed over to Rigi Team to have my haircut.

Old hair

I wanted to the a review of the salon like I always do, but Ah Kwang the boss refrained me from taking photos inside the salon. Too bad.
Anyway, the Kwangmeister was happily snipping my hair away when suddenly he made a remark that nearly choke the kolo mee outta me.
Kwang: You seem to be losing some hair in some areas.
Kenny: Whaddya mean I’m losing hair?
Kwang: Here, let me show you.
*brings along a mirror*

This is not right. I’m turning botak at my age. Hey I thought I’m turning 24, NOT 42. Damn tulan. Why am I’m growing hair on my LEGS but not on my HEAD!?
Kenny: What should I do?
Kwang: Welllll… you can put on some hair tonic…
Kenny: So where do I get this “hair tonic” thing you speak of?
Kwang: Funny you should ask, ‘cos we happen to sell them right here!
Kenny: OK I BUY.

Bonacure Men Phytobiogin Tonic by Schw#$%^*arzkopf. RM45.

Kenny: So how do I use this thing?
Kwang: You just squeeze some onto the affected area and massage it in.
Kenny: During shampoo?
Kwang: After shampoo. Oh, speaking of which, you should get some of our shampoo. It will REALLY help with the hair growth.
Kenny: OK I BUY.

Bonacure Men Vitalising Shampoo by Schw#$%^*arzkopf. RM38.

I ended up spending RM83 more than I should at the salon.
Heh. Tell a man he’s losing his hair, and he’d do anything for you.

New hair

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What Are Girls Supposed To Do On Valentine’s Day?

In Korea and Japan, 14th February is the time when sweet young nubile kawaii girls would personally hand make chocolates and give it to the guys they like.

The couples, obviously, go out and do the things normal couple do.
For unattached guys, this is the day they find out which girl (or girls) is having a crush on them. The popular guys would get tons of boxes, while the not-so-popular ones would have to buy chocolates for themselves so they don’t look like losers.

If the feeling is mutual, then a month later on the 14th March, the guys would buy white chocolates for the girls in return. They can start dating, and take the relationship on from then on if they want.
Things are different in Malaysia. Over here, 14th February is the day when stupid guys like us get suckered into buying OVERPRICED roses, OVERPRICED soft toys and OVERPRICED chocolates from some opportunistic money-minded vampires to give to the girls who’d just sit there acting like a rich TaiTai wanting to be pampered like a spoilt princess.

Why? Because we want to me her feel SPECIAL. Because we know that if she sees all her pretty girl friends getting all these fancy chocolates and cards and roses and teddy bears, while she gets nothing more than a “Oi, when are you gonna come back and cook dinner”, you BET she’s gonna wither away and melt in a green pool of jealousy.
What do the guys get in return?

There’s absolutely NO requirements in Valentine’s Day tradition for the girls here, single or not, to do ANYTHING for the guys at all. Tell me, what’s a girl supposed to do for a guy on Valentine’s Day?
More importantly, what CAN girls here do for their guys on Valentine’s Day? Brush his teeth?
Heck, the girls here probably don’t even know how to make chocolates at all. They just expect you to buy them stuff, stuff, and MORE stuff. Too spoilt. It’s the same story EVERY Valentine’s Day. Men are always on the losing end.

One month later all our hard work, money and meticulous preparation will conveniently be forgotten because hell, she just had this tsunami-sized bitch fit with you! And it probably stemmed from something sooooooo small, such as us playing too much computer games and not paying her enough attention.
BAH! Hate feeling unappreciated!
It’s sad. I'm almost about to join my brudders in protest and take the first flight out to Japan. It’s too much hard work being a man celebrating Valentine’s Day in this increasingly kiasu society where sincerity is no match for money.

But you know what? Despite how expensive things are, all the bitching and all the whinging, we guys still give in to it.
Yea, guys are suckers like that.
It doesn’t matter how we’re treated, we’d still buy the most expensive roses, the biggest soft toys and sweetest chocolates in the world, just to be able to share THAT MOMENT looking into each others’ eyes and smile. And when that happens, it’s as if our world is finally, finally complete.
Man, this love thing is evil.

Zen Overkill

There seems to be an unmistakable trend in the Kuching dining scene lately.

Jalan Padungan used to be the home of dirty motels and old-fashioned shops selling fruits and vegies. The past few years saw many hip n chic pubs and cafes setting up their bases here, slowly but surely transforming the once nostalgic street into Kuching’s own Bangsar or Clarke Quay.
And I love it. At least now there’s LESS reason for people to complain how boring Kuching is. (Damn you people. YOU HAPPY NOW?)

Magenta, Jalan Nanas

If there’s anything these these new cafes have in common, it’s definitely the over-usage of this “new age Zen” theme in their designs. Must be the overpopularity of Bing, which prompted so many copycat cafes wanting to emulate it’s success.

The latest “culprit” in this game of Zhng My Restaurant is Tao.
Tao is the new “Lifestyle Cafe and Gallery” along Jalan Padungan, and is brought to you by the same owner and designer as my favourite coffee house Bing.
Btw, Tao means “Dao4” in Mandarin. Not “Head” in Hokkien hor.

Havin’ a drink

Food and coffee here is absolutely fantastic. I just don’t know what to make of the ambience.
It’s like whichever direction I look to, there’s a blardy image of Buddha…




All these Buddha paintings and statues is scaring me a little. I had to look up at the ceiling because I figured hey, they can’t possibly hang a statue of Buddha over my head right?
Guess what I saw?

Nabeh, want to drink one cup of coffee also have to like bai Tua Peh Kong liddat.

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