Why The 1Malaysia F1 Team Is Never Gonna Work

So apparently, we are gonna have our very own F1 Team.

The prime minister recently announced that 1Malaysia F1 Team will be formed. The car will be made in Malaysia, the driver will be Malaysian, even the pitstop would be manned by Malaysians. The team would be lead by AirAsia boss Tony Fernandes. And it’ll be a joint venture between the Malaysian government, Proton, AirAsia, among others.

I guess when they made the announcement, they probably expected Malaysians all over the country to react with pride – “Wow, we have our very own F1 team! Competing with the big boys like BMW, Ferrari and McLaren on the world stage! COOL!”

Unfortunately, the ugly truth is that most Malaysians do not share the same joy and enthusiasm as those involved. Even when no taxpayer’s money is involved, a majority of people simply have no confidence in this project.

And I guess they have good reasons why. I mean, come on, this a Malaysian Government + Proton + AirAsia project.

Off the top of my head, here are five reasons why the 1Malaysia F1 Team is never gonna work.

#1 Every time our competitor’s car crash and bang into the wall, instead of racing to the finishing line, our 1Malaysia F1 car suddenly slow down to a crawl.

Why?

Must take a closer look at the car accident mah.

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#2 Halfway driving, our 1Malaysia F1 car suddenly drives to the nearest petrol station.

Why?

Government just announced, “tomorrow petrol price increase by 0.01 cent.” Wah lan eh, better fill up tank first!

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#3 Halfway driving, suddenly our 1Malaysia F1 car swerves left and right and bang into other people for no reason.

Why?

Our 1Malaysia F1 driver’s wife just called. The idiot one hand on steering wheel, the other hand holding his handphone talking to his wife!

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#4 Other F1 cars have one driver. Our 1Malaysia F1 car has THREE drivers.

Why?

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Because “1Malaysia” mah. Must have one Chinese, one Malay and one Indian driving. Otherwise other people might get jealous and protest!

 

#5 As soon as the gun went off, all the other cars zoomed out from the starting line, but then our 1Malaysia F1 car was still stuck there.

Why?

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How to make it lah like that?

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ADV: Toyota VIOS TRD Review

If you a single guy looking to hook up, which of the following ‘tools’ would you rank most important when going after chicks?

a) A wardrobe full of designer brands.
b) VIP access to the hippest parties in town.
c) A car.

The answer is (c) a car.

Why, you ask? Simple.

If I got (a), I may be able to impress her. But that’s about it.

If I got (b), I may be able to impress her. But then she might meet so many people at the party and leave me for somebody else richer and more successful.

Now, say I got (c). Immediately I become someone important in her eyes. I get to pick her up, drop her off, and best of all, spend some private one-on-one time in the car with her.

If we go to a party and things don’t go my way, hey at least I got a car to whisk her away to safety. Not to mention, when I’m at her doorsteps and the mood is right (making sure Ne-Yo is playing on the car audio), it wouldn’t feel awkward if I move in for the so-called ‘second base’. 😉

You can’t do that if you don’t have a car. Even if you take taxi, it’d be damn awkward to have the driver staring right? That’s why it’s always a huge advantage for a single guy to have his own car. And how would I know?

From experience.

When I was 17, once I took a girl out on a date in a bus.

One week later she left me for a dude who drives a sports car. 🙁

Yeah, that’s the bastard that stole my girl.

Since that incident, I decided that one day, I’m gonna get my very own sports car.

Of course, that’s easier said than done. Sports cars, or even standard cars that come with sporty body kits generally don’t come cheap. You gotta be prepared to pay upwards from RM130,000 for those.

This is where the Toyota Vios TRD Sportivo comes in.

The Toyota Vios is the most popular foreign car in Malaysia. In fact, the Vios itself comprises of 36% of all Toyotas sold. But for quite a while, Vios owners have demanded for sportier, more aggressive look for their cars. Presumably to scare all the date stealers away.

That’s why Toyota decides to release the TRD Sportivo, the car’s official sports kit.

Since everyone is in racing mood thanks to Singapore GP, today’s blog entry will be a review of the Toyota Vios TRD Sportivo.

Under the bonnet, the car itself is still the exact same Japanese-made Vios 1.5S. With the TRD Sportivo, the body kit is manufactured locally so Malaysians don’t have to pay an arm, a leg and their new-born son for it.

In other words, the TRD Sportivo is a dress. But what a freaking awesome dress it is.

First thing that caught my attention is the spoilers on the back, skirts on the sides and spoilers on the front. All hung low to give it a sporty look.

Taking a peek below, and I noticed all four wheels are fitted with 15″ Enkei alloy wheels. Very the boom boom pow.

Open the door, and the red-and-black TRD Sportivo branded fabric seats greet me.

I can’t help but to put your ass in. Meanwhile, I wondered what the ‘TRD’ in ‘TRD Sportivo’ stands for?

Inside, it’s nice and spacious. The driver seat felt a little bit low, but maybe that’s just the way it is. Either that or I’m too short lah.

I put my hand on the gear knob. It felt good. As a matter of fact, it’s the smoothest knob I have ever wrapped my fist around.

That’s when I realised the knob has a leather skin covering its head. Nice.

I turned the key, started the engine and took the car around for a whirl. As the 1.5L engine vrooms, that’s when the pleasure of driving this car kicks in. Each time I put my foot to the paddle, the Vios accelerates like a beast. I found myself overtaking vehicles after vehicles.

Vios handles quite well. In particular, the electric-controlled power-steering responds very well to sharp corners and tight turns. The same applies to the car’s brakes.

The speedometers and gauges, located in the middle of the dashboards, is a joy to look at.

The Toyota Vios has a reputation of being extremely fuel economy. This one is
no exception. One useful information it displays is how much kilometres the car has run per litre of fuel. I wonder why most other cars don’t do it that way?

All in all, cruising the Toyota Vios TRD Sportivo around town was a pretty fun experience. I managed to turn around a few heads, and even the parking attendant at my workplace kept heaving praises on my car.

And that was when I realised what the ‘TRD’ in ‘TRD Sportivo’ stands for.

The Real Deal.

Fine, it stands for Toyota Racing Development. But still The Real Deal isn’t far off.

Alas, I had to return to the car dealer after my test-drive. Pity I couldn’t use this car to steal some other kid’s chicks. Because I reckon I might be pretty successful.

Not many girls would be able to resist this look.

Right.

The Toyota Vios TRD Sportivo goes for RM90,900 in the West or RM92,377 in Sarawak. It is a good price – a fraction of what one would pay for similar cars from other manufacturers.

Obviously if you think that is STILL expensive, then I guess you can always modify your ciplak car yourself…

 

 

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Just don’t blame anyone if you fail to score any chicks with it lah.

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The Raya Open House That Never Was

Yesterday was the first day of Hari Raya.

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My “granddaughter” Lainey (long story why I call her that, but she’s actually she’s my age) texted me early in the morning, nursing what she called the world’s worst hangover.

We were supposed to do lunch together, but I told her she better just stay at home to nurse her headache for her own good. That girl is very sweet though. She said, “lunch with ‘grandpa’ is the perfect antidote to the world’s worst hangover.”

Awww.

So we made plans for lunch. Since it’s the first day of Raya, I felt like doing something different. So I came up with this brilliant idea – to crash our Prime Minister’s Raya open house!

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I had done many Raya open houses before, but I have never visited our Prime Minister’s house. Since the PM has openly extended his invitation, I thought why not? Besides, I have never even step foot on Putrajaya before. My only experience with the government’s township really was whizzing past it back and forth on the train to the airport.

Suddenly, visiting the PM’s house sounds like something fun and exciting to do on a boring Sunday afternoon. Just so if people were to ask me how I spent my Raya weekend, I could tell them “I was hangin’ wit da PM yo!”

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Then, in their head, they’d be imagining me with my arms on Najib’s shoulder, talking the cock, singing song, playing pool around the PM’s palatial home like longtime friends while Rosmah cooked lunch for us – most likely Mongolian lamb stew.

So the plan was set. After a bit of coordination through Twitter, Jaclyn, Cheesie and KY also decided to join us on our road trip to Putrajaya to see the PM.

Well, let’s just say the Raya open house at Seri Perdana wasn’t quite what we expected.

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For a start, when we reached Putrajaya, we found out that the ramp to enter Seri Perdana was closed off by the police. So I wound down my window to have a chat with the officer.

Kenny: “Sir, I’m here to accept to the PM’s invitation to his open house on the first day of Raya.”
Police: “Sini tak boleh jalan, sini. You ikut jalan tu. This road is for V.I.P. only.”

He stressed on the word “V.I.P.”, which I thought I was. I was gonna reply “Abang, tapi saya orang V.I.P.! 1Malaysia. People first. Performance now. People first, jadi saya V.I.P.!”

But logic took over and instead of arguing with him, I decide to take the long way to Seri Perdana as instructed. That was when we arrived at the non-V.I.P. area.

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Also known as the ORANG AWAM area.

Meanwhile, we parked our car at one of the very muddy fields nearby.

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Already, Lainey was starting to regret coming with me.

We thought the Prime Minister would be there at the door welcoming us. Unfortunately, not only did he not turn up, he sent his hired guns to welcome us instead.

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Gee, thanks, I feel so welcomed.

The PM’s “open house” for us Orang Awams was held at the Seri Perdana’s carpark. To be fair, there were lots of food being served.

The problem is, there were TOO MANY people there all chasing after the free food!

Despite having more than enough food to go around, the crowd were going after them free food like aunties during warehouse sales. That includes me.

I don’t care, man.  I have already come all the way here so I better have my free food or all hell’s gonna break lose! I mean I pay so much fucking taxes to the government every year. My tax money is what’s paying for those food!

If I cannot get back my money, I want something to put into my tummy!

O HAI. I is at da PM’s haus, stealinz all his free food! nom nom nom.

We waited for our host, the Prime Minister of Malaysia, to come out and meet up with us. But we waited in the carpark for a long time and still he didn’t make an appearance. What kinda lousy host is this?

That was when we realised there’s a separate entrance for us Orang Awams to enter the Seri Perdana to meet with the PM and shake his hands.

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Unfortunately by the time we finished our food, they had already closed the gates. I think the Prime Minister must have gotten tired from all that handshaking.

So we didn’t get to meet the Prime Minister, the food wasn’t thaaaaat good (apart from the satays) and the venue was hot, crowded, wet, rainy and damn freaking noisy. I have no idea why the newspapers describe this Open House as “festive”, because it was as “festive” as a primary school canteen.

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It  was a fun experience to do as a Malaysian though, and I think every Malaysian tax payer should go to the PM’
s crib at least once to claim back your money as much as you can through the free food.

But I must say the Open House ain’t worth the drive to Putrajaya. And definitely not worth squeezing through the sweaty crowd for. But for some reason, Kenny Sia came up with this genius plan to make his “granddaughter” Lainey feel better from her world’s worst hangover.

She hated it. She said she was nursing the world’s worst hangover listening to the world’s worst music in the world’s worst possible way. All thanks to the world’s worst (fake) grandpa.

Hey, at least these guys that tagged along all look very happy…

… kinda.

To be fair, when we first arrived, we actually did try to enter the Seri Perdana through the official V.I.P. entrance. We kinda fooled the first batch of guards by driving closely behind some important-looking black cars, until we managed to get right up to the main gates.

Unfortunately, the final batch of guards outside the V.I.P. entrance saw past our bluff and managed to stop our vehicle.

Police: “Sir, you have sticker? Where is your sticker? You cannot enter if no sticker!”
Kenny: “Sticker? Uhhh… yea, I got. I got sticker.”

I have no freaking idea what bloody sticker he was talking about, so I pointed to the only V.I.P. sticker I have on my windscreen.

 

 

 

He didn’t find it funny. 🙁

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ADV: I Wanna I Wanna I Wanna Touch You

My music playlist is running dry.

I have been listening to my chill out Cafe Del Mar music for such a long time that I don’t even know what’s the latest bands and music that’s been coming out. In fact, when a whole bunch of international artists came down to Malaysia last month, I didn’t even recognize most of them.

Maybe I’m getting old. At least last time I checked, bands have names that still sounded cool and awesome, like Westlife, Backstreet Boys, New Kids On The Block.

Nowadays, they just sounded like poor things that nobody wants at all.

HoobaSTANK? The All-American REJECTS?

You must understand that before last week, the only song I knew from All-American Rejects was the overplayed one on the radio that goes, “When you see my face, hope it gives you Hell, hope it gives you Hell.” 

I thought it means their face is very ugly. And they don’t sound very friendly at all.

So I wasn’t planning to attend the concert initially. Unless I’m Satan, the idea of being squashed by thousands of sweaty teenagers screaming to a band that promises to “gives me Hell” doesn’t sound like something I’d like to do on a Saturday night.

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But of course I changed my mind the last minute. Since the whole of KL is going (and I got free passes), I thought why not give it a shot and see what this All-American Rejects is all about.

Well, I went to the concert, and I’d like to humbly take my words back.

I had no regrets being squashed by the thousands of sweaty teenagers, because The All-American Rejects absolutely kicked ass!

They were really really good.

Apart from Gives You Hell, other tracks I really liked are The Wind Blows and the one that goes “I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you, you wanna touch me too!”

Before they finish their set, lead singer Tyson Ritter thanked the audience and announced, “We’ll be back in Malaysia very soon!

The crowd literally went bonkers.

Sure enough, the official announcement came out, and The All-American Rejects is set to come back to deliver their encore performance on the 10th October at 1Utama.

There’s only one catch though. Tickets to the upcoming All-American Rejects concert are NOT FOR SALE! 

None of the ticketing outlets carry them so even if you got the moolah, too bad.

In fact, it would be impossible to get anywhere close to the All-American Rejects unless you: (a) Sign up to DiGi Music for free to easily get one ticket automatically;

OR. (b) Install the ‘What I’ll Do For Music’ App for your Facebook or Friendster. Then threaten all your friends with secret embarrassing photos of them if they do not subscribe to DiGi Music.

Yes, in some countries they call this “blackmail”. Here, we prefer to call it “pressure”.

Of course, instead of threatening, you can always offer to do something nice for them. Clean their car, wash their dogs or give them a backrub. The important thing is, you will get a concert ticket as long as someone you invited on Facebook subscribes to DiGi Music)

Now, in case you’re wondering what the heck is this DiGi Music thing all about. Hear me out. In short, it’s the telco company’s online music portal that tries to make it easier for you to discover new music, create your own playlists and share them with your friends.

Yalah. To a certain extent, it can do that.

However, to be PERFECTLY HONEST with you, they still got a looooong way to go before they make that website fast, user-friendly and capable of streaming music effortlessly.

So forget it. The only reason you’d sign up with DiGi Music is because it’s the only way you’re gonna get your hands on those exclusive not-for-sale concert tickets.

Understandably, some people may balk at the idea of a not-for-sale concert. But think about it. Considering a typical concert tickets cost RM100. Signing up to DiGi Music is just RM5 a month.

Which one more worth it? You tell me. Only condition is that you must have a DiGi number, which isn’t too much to ask when the price of a prepaid SIM card is the same as a pirated CD.

Despite the clunky interface, there is one nice thing about signing up to DiGi Music.

Not only will you get to watch live concerts and attend exclusive meet-and-greets, you can also download any songs you like from the entire DiGi Music catalogue to your phone or PC completely and utterly free of charge.

Too good to be true?

Of course it’s too good to be true lah!

You think everything in life all FREE FREE FREE one meh? The caveat here is that you can play most tracks for up to a month only, after which it will self-destruct (unless you pay for it).

But hey, at least all the latest music from the big names are there.

Not a single cent will be charged for browsing or downloading to your phone. Best of all, it’s available online all the time, anytime of the day.

That’s even better than buying it from your local pirated CD shop. Except this one is 100% guaranteed legal. So donch worry.

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Police won’t come and catch you one.

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ADV: The Black Eyed Peas Interview

The following conversation took place few weeks ago between my agent and I.

 

*ring ring* *ring ring*

Kenny: Hello?
Agent: Eh, Kenny ah. You free on the 25th September or not ah?
Kenny: 25th September ah? Can lah. What’s going on?
Agent: Something big, Kenny. It’s so freaking huge it’s not even funny. 25th September is Guinness’s 250th Anniversary and they are having a worldwide celebration on that day. Out of five cities in the world, only KL was selected as the sole Asian destination to host the Arthur’s Day. We want you to come to KL.
Kenny: Oh. Ok. What do I have to do?
Agent: Guinness is bringing The Black Eyed Peas to perform at Sunway Lagoon on that day. We want you to interview them. You interested or not?
Kenny: Oh. Can loh.
Agent: Ok sweet then I talk to you later kthxbai.
Kenny: Bye.

And so, I went home from a busy day at work just like any other day, curled up in my bed and prepared for a night’s sleep.

As I was lying on my bed, a small teeny weeny little voice crept into my head and went, “omg omg omg…”

“OMG OMG OMG OMFG OMFG.”

“KENNY!!!”

“Do you even understand the magnitude of what you’ve just been told?”

“The Black Eyed Peas!”

 

“THE BLACK EYED PEAS!!!”

“THE BLACK EYED PEAS!!!”

“YOU ARE GOING TO BE INTERVIEWING THE BLACK EYED PEAS!!!!!”

Drenched in dripping cold sweat, I sprung out of my bed immediately and screamed, “AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

Is this really happening?! Am I really gonna be interviewing the Black Eyed Peas?! Seriously, if this one goes through, it is going to be one golden opportunity of a lifetime!

I couldn’t sleep that night. I was as excited as a teenager discovering porn on the Internet. All I did was staying up the whole entire night thinking how to act when I meet Fergie and the rest of the band. For sure I am gonna be nervous like hell. I think I might even cry. And Big Girls Don’t Cry.

How am I even gonna start the interview? I don’t even know what questions to ask!

“Hello Fergie can I have your number wtf?”

I don’t know. I really really don’t know. Which is why I wanna put this out to all kennysia.com readers.

Help me interview The Black Eyed Peas!

Please, please, please. If you can help me come up with some fun, creative and interesting interview questions to ask The Black Eyed Peas, leave me a comment in the box below. Surely, there must be stuff you’re always curious about the BEP?

When the band arrives here for Arthur’s Day, I will talk to them face-to-face. And I will ask those questions on your behalf. So you win, I win!

As a token of my appreciation, 5 of you who asked the best interview questions will be rewarded with two tickets to attend Arthur’s Day and watch The Black Eyed Peas perform live in concert.

So here’s your chance to ask will.i.am, Fergie, Taboo and Apl.d everything that you ever wanted to know about them, The Black Eyed Peas or their music in general. Ask them anything you want.

Like, how did they come up with the name Black Eyed Peas?

What is the meaning of the lyrics to the song My Humps? (When they order char kueh teow, they don’t put clams)

So many questions, so little time.

Let’s all do this on Arthur’s Day

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Travel Guide To Copenhagen

Move aside, Disneyland.

The happiest place on Earth is not Disneyland, but Copenhagen, Denmark.

Do a search on Google for “Happiest City in the World” and I guarantee ya, Copenhagen is listed there somewhere.

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But we don’t need an Internet search engine to tell us that. Take it from me. After spending six days in this wonderful Scandinavian city, I have no reason to doubt that claim.

With awesome weather, beautiful people and a truly relaxed vibe – welcome to the most wonderful city in Scandinavia.

 

Throughout my whole time here, I think I have only met one unhappy Dane – a disgruntled cashier at some cheap supermarket in town. Perhaps it was just not her day.

Every other local person I spoke to, be it the hotel receptionist, the bus driver or the stranger on the street, have been nothing but warm and friendly towards me. I’d go as far as to say that Danish people are among the nicest, most polite and sociable bunch I have ever met in the whole of Europe. And many would agree with me.

 

I landed in Copenhagen on 18th August after a 13 hour direct flight from Singapore. I was of course following the Tiger Beer crew to cover the Tiger Translate Global Showcase that particular weekend.

All it took was one afternoon, and immediately I have fallen in love with the place.

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On first glance, it is very easy to dismiss Copenhagen as “just another European city” like London, Rome or Paris.

The buildings look the same, the weather feels the same, even the type of food they eat tastes almost the same.

But peel off that layer of clothing, immediately I got the feeling that everyone who lives here are genuinely happy and contented with life.

At 4:30pm when most city folks in other countries are frantically rushing towards train stations, the Danes are taking it easy. They are either sitting in yet another al fresco cafe having a beer, or lying on the grass sunbathing in one of Copenhagen’s many public parks. There is not a single hint of stress or worry at all.

What exactly is it that make the Danes such a happy and contented bunch?

It cannot be the taxes. At 25% GST, Danish pays some of the highest taxes in the world. Everything in Denmark is freaking expensive. It cannot be the lack of racial tension. Barely a few years ago, it was that Danish newspaper that caused such worldwide furore over a cartoon it published.

Well, only towards the end of my trip did I find my answer.

 

If anyone reading this is thinking of making a trip to Copenhagen for holidays, let’s make one thing perfectly clear.

In terms of tourist attractions and landmarks, there’s not awfully a lot to see over here. At least London has Big Ben and Paris has the Eiffel.

But Copenhagen’s most famous landmark is the statue of The Little Mermaid, a terribly unremarkable lump of bronze located on a rock by the dockside.

We walked past this statue everyday on our way to the studio. Day after day, without fail, thousands of tourists would be flocking to her like them aunties during the warehouse sales.

Considering how popular ‘Ariel’ is, I wondered why they didn’t make her bigger and more exciting. Maybe take a cue from Singapore and spurt water out of the mouth, ala the Merlion?

For better or worse, perhaps it’s because the Danes think some things are just better left alone the way they are. And it’s that way of thinking that made them such a different bunch from the rest of us.

The best thing about travelling in Copenhagen is that almost every attraction is within close walking distance.

There’s almost no need to hop onto any vehicles at all. There’s no reason to. That explains why there is absolutely no traffic jam in Copenhagen, even during peak hours.

A short 5-minute walk away from the Little Mermaid, is the spacious compound of Royal Palace.

The well-loved Danish royal family resides here. Only one chamber of the palace is open to public, where you can donate to the already very wealthy royal family another 55 Kroner (RM36) just to see their collection of tobacco pipes, designer handbags and guns.

The prince has more cutleries in his room than a steak restaurant.

This is one of the living rooms inside the Royal Palace.

Why would anyone need to see so much pictures of themselves in the living room, I have no idea.

The Marble Church located right next to the palace is worth a quick peek.

If touring through the Royal Palace for some reason failed to convince you of how wealthy the Danish royal family is, then about 10-minute walk away is the Rosenborg Castle.

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Over here, even more of the family’s ancestral collection are on display.

Some of their stuff are decorated with so much glittery gold and jewellery that one chunk of it is enough to buy a small African nation.

You can’t help but to feel very very very small about yourself when you are looking at something as bright and shiny as this.

Of course lah, there’s more to see and do in Copenhagen than all these pompous royalty stuff.

My favourite place in the city to stroll along is the colourful Nyhavn Canal. Again, this is another 5 minutes away from both the nearest attraction.

There are scores of expensive al fresco cafes lined up along the canal. For a complete Copenhagen experience, it’s a must for anyone to select one of the restaurants here to just have lunch, chill out, tune out and people watch.

We went to Nyhavn 17, a popular restaurant here which used to be a barbershop 300 years ago.

This is a Smorrebrod, or an “open sandwich”.

It is a classic Danish lunch. Basically a Smorrebord is just a piece of ham, roast chicken or fried fish on a slice of bread. It is to the Danish people what kolo mee is to Kuching peeps.

Later on, we hopped on a boat and took a tour through the city canals (60 Kroner or RM 38). Though touristy, I thought it’s an excellent way to see Copenhagen.

Spotted this amazing giant boathouse converted into a luxury apartment residence.

Damn those creative Danes for coming up with designs that make my heart flutter. I could totally see myself living in one of them chic double-storey glass-walled units.

After disembarking, we took a stroll down Stroget, apparently the longest outdoor pedestrian shopping street in the world.

I cannot say there’s a lot to buy in Copenhagen. The shops and designs are all lovely and interesting, yes. But the price tags on certain things are enough to put you into cardiac arrest.

Guess how much a pair of simple flats from this boutique shop costs? 1200 Kroner (RM 820). I shit you not. And those are not even Ferragamo.

That said, Stroget is home to my favourite al fresco cafe in Copenhagen – Cafe Europa.

This place is almost an institution here in Copenhagen. During lunch hour, the tables are all packed inside out. And I can see why.

There are two things the Scandinavians can do better than the rest of the world: goat cheese and smoked salmon. At Cafe Europa, they perfected it. It’s worth the 180 Kroner (RM 120) they charge for this meal.

Of course, some things in Stroget are free.

Like an art gallery displaying an oil painting of Paris Hilton’s upskirt.

Alternatively, it’s wise to spend 25 Kroner (RM 17) on visiting The Round Tower, which is located (yes) another 5 minutes away from Stroget.

Here, we took the windy ramp all the way up to the top, where we were rewarded with a bird’s eye view of Copenhagen city.

And a little bit of Sweden.

Danish people finish work at 4pm and the shops are closed at 6pm, so there isn’t a whole lot to do in Copenhagen during night time.

The only tourist attraction open in Copenhagen during night time is Tivoli Gardens. At 150 years old, it’s  the oldest amusement park in the world.

Having been to Disneyland and many other major amusement parks around the world, I wasn’t particularly keen on the 85 Kroner (RM 60) entrance fee needed just to enter Tivoli. Rides would cost extra.

But as soon as I entered the gates into Tivoli, I immediately realised how unique and different Tivoli is from all the other amusement parks I have been to.

 

The rides in Tivoli are neither the most technologically advanced, nor the most thrilling. In fact, you can get more exciting roller coaster rides in Genting.

What sets Tivoli apart is the atmosphere it manages to evoke. In particular, I got a huge sense of nostalgia just walking through its fairy-light illuminated game booths, lush manicured gardens and cobblestone paths.

Somehow I just got transported back to the times when I was seven, and my father took me to my first funfair. I just wanted to try anything buy everything, but my father was holding to my hand so tight because he was afraid I might get lost amidst the crowd.

Tivoli was Walt Disney’s inspiration when he built Disneyland. Now I know why.

So back to my original question. What was it about Copenhagen that makes its people among the happiest in the world?

One evening, while having dinner with the Tiger Beer Denmark at an old-fashioned French cafe called near the Round Tower called Cafe Sommersko, I found out the reason.

Unlike most places around the world, the Danes TRULY believe that everybody is equal. It means that everyone gets the same treatment and respect, regardless of where you are from, what you do or how high up in authority you are.

Danes don’t use words like “Please”, “Sir”, “Madam” because that’s seen as too formal. Instead, they smile a lot everytime they offer you coffee or another piece of Danish pastry.

It’s definitely not the superficial kind of friendliness.

They do it because they genuinely mean it.

Danes speak perfectly fluent English. Among themselves, they speak Danish. But as soon as you walked into the group with them, automatically they switch to speaking in English, just so you do not feel alienated. It’s a gesture I strongly appreciate.

Although at first, it can be difficult to find a common topic to talk about with the Danes, they really loosen up after a few drinks. That explains why Denmark are among some of the biggest beer drinking countries in the world.

The alcohol lubricates any social awkwardness. And you get the feeling as if you’ve known them for a long time although you’ve only just met.

So don’t come to Copenhagen for the Mermaid, museums or castles. The biggest tourist attraction in Denmark, is actually the locals.

The most memorable cultural exchanges I had in Copenhagen all took place in either pubs or restaurants. For example, this conversation took place when we were talking about how to impress girls.

Danish dude: What type of restaurant would you bring a girl to if you want to have a good night out in Malaysia?

Kenny: Italian. Not necessarily because we like Italian food, but that’s just where we’re expected to take girls out to if we wanna impress them.

Danish dude: Italian? See that’s the difference. Over here, if we want to impress somebody, we’d take them out to a really nice Asian restaurant. Chinese, Thai, whatever. As long as it’s Asian.

Kenny: Really? In Malaysia, if I were to take a girl out for a date to a big noisy Chinese restaurant, she would think I want to break up with her!

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ADV: Send A Raya Greeting For World Peace

This Hari Raya, I can’t help but to feel a bit of tension and animosity around the country.

Open up the Star News Online, lots of reports of people protesting against concerts, against temples, people banning the sale of alcohol and people calling other people various insults and names. A lot of people are upset for no good reason and a lot of people are angry because of that too.

Why lah? This is very different from the way things were when I was a child. I guess somehow when the media and the Internet is involved, people suddenly becomes a lot more aggressive and easily agitated.

That shouldn’t be the way things work. There is no need for this animosity. The Internet is supposed to be bring people closer together, not further apart. Yet somehow, this is happening.

That is why for this coming Raya celebrations, I propose we reclaim the Internet.

We want to use the Internet for the purpose of good, not evil. And the best way to do that this Hari Raya, is by sending out greeting cards to all our friends, acquaintances and even strangers around us – just to let them know that “Hey, we are all one big happy family. So chill.”

Mamee Sllrrrp has come out to support this ideology, but that take it one step further. To encourage people to send out e-greetings this Hari Raya, they have agreed to give out two RM200 cash prizes every day for the next two weeks.

Even better, if you have a blog with Nuffnang, you can win RM300 on top of that prize money.

Even even better, if by the end of next week you are the one sending out the MOST number of e-greetings, then Mamee will send some EraFM DJs and Cruisers over to your place, take some Akademi Fantasia peeps along with them to host, and then help you create the biggest Hari Raya Open House you’ll ever witness in your own front yard for up to 100 of your priveleged guests. Nice!

Meanwhile, this is my way to spread goodwill and peace for this coming Hari Raya.

 

First, I take a picture of me.

Then, I take a picture of PAS Youth leader Nasruddin.

Next I take a picture of Michael Learns To Rock.

And will.i.am of The Black Eyed Peas.

Choose my type of greeting to send.

Then leave a bit of message, just for the sake of it.

Mix them all together in a bowl, put in microwave and set cook to HIGH.

20 seconds later, you have created your own Hari Raya e-greeting!

And that my friend, is how we should all achieve world peace.

Happy Raya Aidilfitri!

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It Cancels Out

Arrived at KL airport earlier today for another weekend of work.

I bought a KLIA Express train ticket to the city. Normally it’s a straightforward affair. I hand the cash over to the dude at the counter, he gives me my train ticket.

But this time round, he also gave me an extra piece of paper that said something along the lines of “Thank you! By choosing us, you have saved the environment!”

Wow, that’s nice.

But by printing that extra piece of paper, you have killed a tree!

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A Merdeka Down Under

As wrong as this sound, I just had the best Merdeka Day celebration in Melbourne.

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It all started when a friend of mine Ash, who is doing very well as a club DJ in Melbourne, e-mailed me and asked if I would like to emcee the Merdeka Day party he’s organizing over there.

At first, I was confused why he would want to fly me all the way to Australia just to do literally 5 minutes of talking and 10 seconds of counting down. But since he’s gonna pick up the bill and I hadn’t got plans for the long weekend, I thought why not.

I grew up on the other side of the country in Perth, Western Australia, but Melbourne always hold a special place in my heart. During my days as a student activist, many times I travelled alone to Melbourne to attend union meetings and such.

It was then that I learnt how to study maps, source cheap hotels and travel on an arse-tight student budget. I familiarized myself with Melbourne inside out. Those travel-planning skills I developed come in handy later in life when I finally earned enough to fly around and see the world on my own.

Coincidentally, quite a number of people I know were in Melbourne over the same weekend.

Ming, Tim and Audrey were all down to meet up with their team from Nuffnang Australia, and I also caught up with Pierre over hot chocolate at the newly-launched Lindt Cafe.

Heck, I even managed to re-live my student days by sneaking into Melbourne University and attending a Finance lecture for fun.

I was so nostalgic that I took a photo of the lecturer. But I don’t think he was too impressed.

Of course, the real reason I flew to Melbourne was because of the Merdeka party organized by Malaysians for Malaysians over there.

I was bloody hell nervous because:
1) I have never emceed an event before IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
2) Would the crowd even respond to me?
3) WTF. I don’t even have the looks appropriate enough to advertise for a club event.

Seriously! The way they promoted my appearance, it’s as if my name was Paris Hilton.

I cringed when I saw my face on the poster alongside LapSap – two trendsetting DJs from Zouk KL and Kim Ong – a forever poised and talented speaker in her own right.

Talking rubbish on my blog is easy. On the mic I am absolutely hopeless. What should I say to hype up the crowd? There’s nothing else I could think of apart from the usual “Are you ready? I can’t hear you! I SAID. ARE. YOU. READY!?”

And that is just so lame and World Wrestling Entertainment.

Crowd started pouring in as soon as the doors opened. By 11pm, the two whole floors of CQ Bar were already filled to the brim by 1,500 crazy revelling Malaysians.

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The crowd who attended that night was impressive. The evening in Melbourne beats any clubbing night in KL a hundred times over. Everyone was well-dressed, everyone was within the same age group and the gender proportion was so well-balanced.

No case of batangs more than lubangs over here.

Another thing I was pleasantly surprised was the amount of kennysia.com readers who attended the event. Had absolutely no idea I have THAT many readers in Melbourne!

Thank you to everybody that night who took the effort to take photos with me, stop and talk to me or buy me drinks. I was very, very humbled.

The highlight of the night was no doubt, the countdown to 31st August.

Kim: All the sexy ladies in the house make some noise!
Crowd: WOOOO!!!
Kenny: All the Malaysians in the house say “Yeah!”
Crowd: YEAHHHH!!!

It was electric.

The adrenaline rush I got when all 1,500 people cheered at the same time was just incredible. Together, we counted down to zero, chanted “Merdeka” three times a la Tunku Abdul Rahman 1957, then sang Negaraku so loud that my voice turned hoarse.

That 5 minutes on stage was quite simply, one of the best moments I had in blogging. There is no other way to describe it.

DJs LapSap and Kim felt exactly the same way. Those Malaysians in Melbourne were some of the most insane ones they had ever performed in front of. Many of those who attended thought it was even better than any Merdeka events held in Malaysia. Haha!

One thing for sure.

 

 

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Not many people got home sober that night.

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