Category: Engrish

Singapore Engrish

I noticed on my most recent trip to Singapore that there seems to be a lot of mainland Chinese on that little island state lately.


Nothing against them of course. But I do find it fascinating that so many of them mainland Chinese can be found at virtually all levels of society in Singapore: in coffeeshops taking orders for your drinks, in universities studying for their exams, or even in a luxury condo after marrying some rich Singaporean tycoon.

Like what Chinese-turned-Singaporean actress Gong Li did.


It is very different from the situation here Kuching, where the only place you can find Chinese nationals, is in a foot reflexology!

Having so many of them living and working in Singapore also brought about some… unintended side-effects.

I went to an authentic Chinese restaurant the other day hoping to sample some authentic Si Chuan dishes. What I found there instead, was something much more exciting.


Behold, a Singapore Chinese restaurant menu… in Chinese and Engrish!

Who would’ve thought you could find Engrish in post Speak Good English Campaign Singapore?

Apparently, you can. Over in this PRC-operated restaurant, you can sample such famous dishes as:


Woh Tie.


Char Siew Pau.


Western lettuce. Runs on petrol!


Sourced from monolithic cow.


Sometimes, their menu even doubles as a weather report.


Eat your ma’s tofu!


Someone call the fire brigade!


Oi! Don’t rape the onions! They will cry.


It is not offence in Singapore to have sex with vegetables.

They’ll tie the mushroom down on a bed, collect S$7.80 from you, then let you perform various sexual acts the mushroom.


The diced chicken community is not happy.

Then there’s my personal favourite.


They take a joss stick, stick it up the cow’s ass, and call it “Joss Stick Porn.”

All together now… WTF?!

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The ZAM Rap

In Malaysia, sometimes, our ministers write the jokes themselves.

Transcript of Malaysia’s Information Minister’s interview with Al Jazeera News on the Bersih Protest.
Minister: I commend yo-yo-your journalists trying to project… to exaggerate more than what actually happened. That-that-that-that’s it. We are not the-the and I-I congratulate your journalists behaving like an actor, that-that’s it…
Reporter: As you say that, sir, we’re watching scenes of protesters being sprayed by chemical-filled water!
Minister: YA! I am watching! I’m here! You’ve been trying… trying to do it this – to do this everywhere but in Malaysia people are allowed to, you know? We know our police head our colleague… Police have whatever allowed the procession to go to the Istana Negara, you know? Do police, first police, like, they handle them, they attack them, they… the police don’t, don’t, don’t fire anybody?
Reporter: Our correspondent came back to the office, sir, with chemicals in his eyes!
Minister:You-you-you-you are here with the idea, you are trying to project, what is your mind! You think that we Pakistan, we are Burma, we are Myanmar. Everything you-you are thinking! WE ARE DIFFERENT! We are totally different!
Reporter: Well unfortunately when you refuse to let people protest, it does appear so.
Minister: Ya ya we are not like you! You-you have earlier perception, you come here, you want to project us like undemocratic country. This a democratic country!
Reporter: So why can’t people protest then, if it’s a democratic country?
Minister: YES, PEOPLE PROTEST! People do-do… of course they protest. We are allowing them protest, and they have demonstrated. But we just trying to disperse them, and then later they-they-they don’t wanna disperse, but later our police compromise. They have compromised and allowed them to proceed to Istana Negara! Police, our police have succeeded in handling them gently, right? Why do you report that? You take the opposition, someone from opposition party you ask him to speak. You don’t take from the government, right?
Reporter: Why did you not break up these protests…
Minister: Pardon? Pardon? Pardon?
Reporter: Why did you not break up these protests more peacefully?
Minister: I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!
Reporter: Why did you not break up these protests more peacefully?
Minister: No we-we are! We… this protest is illegal! We don’t want..this… the… NORMALLY
Reporter: OK, so let me return to my former question. Why is this protest illegal?
Minister: YA! It’s a illegal protest because we have the erection in Malaysia. It’s no-no point on having a protest! We are allowing to every erection… every five years never fail! We are not our like, like Myanmar, not like other country. And, and you are helping this. You Al-Jazeera also is helping this, this forces. The, you know, these forces who are not in passion, who don’t believe in democracy!
Reporter: Alright, many thanks for joining us.
Minister: I don’t, ya, you, Al-Jazeera, this is, is Al-Jazeera attitude. Right?

“The police did not use force to quell the gathering”

Was that even English he was speaking? I tell ya, these people just write the jokes themselves.

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Who said Malaysia has a graduate unemployment problem?

Imagine if you’re broke and unemployed.
You walked into this restaurant, opened up the menu and noticed that they serve wages on the menu.

Ok, I’m sure they meant “wedges”! Which is totally different thing altogether.
But how cool is it if you can just walk into a restaurant and ask them to pay you wages?

No word on whether or not they also serve you celery salary.

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This Is Better Than Freedom Fries

They probably meant ‘French Fries’, but I could be wrong.

These signs are EVERYWHERE in Phuket. Looks like they don’t like the French too much over there in Thailand. I can sorta visualise a burly Thai chef in the kitchen throwing unsuspecting French tourists into a frying pan full of oil.

Better not visit Phuket if you’re from France, otherwise you might end up as a fast food menu item.

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Reader Contributed Engrish!

Immediately after I published my last entry on Shanghai Engrish, a couple of people have e-mailed me photos of Engrish they’ve spotted around China.

Spotted on the box of a massage chair:

Instead of helping you relieve the fatigue, this massage chair wants you to RELIVE the fatigue!

(Submitted by Sim Teong Chuan)
From a hotel toilet in HangZhou, China:

Be careful of wet floor!

(via Leonard Png, who got it from an e-mail)
From a restaurant menu in a Chinese three-star hotel:

“Picks” = chop

“Three texts cure” = sandwich
God knows what the hell they meant by “many privates”.
(More Engrish at Leonard Png’s Flickr set)

Of all the Engrish restaurant menus I came across, this one really takes the cake.
(via Weddy’s War Zone)

(More Engrish at brendyweddy)

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