Men Need Help Downstairs Too

Spotted this at New Urban Male in Singapore.

I can understand why girls wanna wear push-up bras. All men look at women’s breasts.
Push-up bras is a scam to trick innocent men into believing that airport runways are actually a set of twin peaks. That is understandable, because a lot of girls feel insecure about their bodies and still wanna look attractive.
But this is just ridiculous.

If I’m so desperate to make myself look artificially bigger in the downstairs department, I don’t have to resort to buying some overpriced underwear imported from the US.
I’ll just tape a freaking banana down my pants.
Besides, it’s cheaper and better that way.

At least I ever get hungry during the day, food is immediately available.

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Ipoh Mali Ipoh Ipoh Mali

This entry is a little late, but what the heck, too many people are already protesting that they’ll leave if I continue putting Steven Lim on the front page.

The day after I completed the Penang Bridge Marathon was the day I free myself from all that stringent training I had to put myself through.
After four months of internal struggle resisting every piece of fried chicken wing thrown at me, there is only one way to celebrate this momentous occasion… by going on an Ultimate Ipoh Food Tour™

I didn’t expect Ipoh to have much tourist attractions, but turns out that this trip was more fun than I had imagined.
Joining me on this trip is travel junkie and regular Nicole Tan.

Travelling around Ipoh on foot after doing a 42km marathon isn’t gonna be much fun, so the first thing we did was to get our rental car from the Penang International Poikeeteo.

A Proton Wira with auto gear costs RM148 a day (always ask for discount).
I wanted to be the driver because I have no faith in Nicole’s driving skills and I wanna live till at least 70 because I am a gentleman and a gentleman should always drive.
Before I could do anything Nicole hopped into the driver seat and shot me back this look.

Hokayyyy, better back out then. 😛 So off we go on our little road trip to the land of Pomelos, Chicken Rice and Michelle Yeoh.
Penang to Ipoh is just two hours by car.

But it wasn’t until 4 hours that we finally reached our destination – thanks to Nicole doing a good 70km/h on the North-South Highway.

Of course, the important thing is that we reached our destination.
Still feeling sore from my race, we straight away checked in and rested, ready for a full day of exploration tomorrow.

Ipoh reminded me very much of Kuching, except they have more mountains.

The old school way of making a chair

It’s a small, quiet, slow, and very laid back town.
It is exactly the kind of place where every young people can’t wait to move out from and where old people woule wanna retire to.

Modern Photo Studio… not very modern right?

Ipoh grew up as a rich tin-mining town in the early days, but since the closure of the tin mines the growth of the city has stagnated some what.

This is Ipoh’s famous Mistress Lane.

Last time, rich businessmen used to hide their mistresses in the small houses here with a narrow lane. This is so that their wives driving around with their big Mercedes wouldn’t notice them there.
How times have changed. Nowadays, the mistresses are the ones driving around in Mercs and the wives are kept in the small houses instead.

Most buildings in Ipoh are very old and run down, lending it a certain quaint old town charm.
We didn’t exactly know where to go in Ipoh for good food, but luckily enough we had local Ipoh guy Rick Cheah bring us around.

This is what they call a Kip Chai Fun, from Greentown Food Centre. Basically fried beehoon with dunno-what-thing inside. Very dry but very filling.

Some famous Ipoh White Coffee for an extra strong caffeine kick from homegrown coffee shop, Sin Yoon Long cafe.

Ipoh is popular for their big ass bean sprouts, and the best big ass bean sprouts chicken is at Onn Kee.
It’s fat and crunchy and goes very well with chicken rice. We managed to still finish our meals eventhough we’ve been eating non-stop since morning.

Chicken drumstick from Sun Seng Fatt cafe. This plate of chicken meat costs RM8! But they’re very silky smooth and delicious so its worth it.
This place is damn cool. Their waitress came and took our orders with a PDA. Even waitress also got PDA!

You don’t see a lot of kopitiam where they take your order with a freaking PDA.
Most of the time, they’ll just shout halfway across the coffee shop with a voice louder than thunder, “TEH C PENG JIT PUEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! KOPI O JIT PUEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! “

While walking back to our car, we came across this delightful old man trying to sell us lotus flower pods
I didn’t know you could eat the lotus flower seeds!

We don’t get a lot of these stuff in Kuching so I decided to give it a try.
I asked the uncle to demonstrate eating lotus flower seeds for us, but the poor man replied, “I cannot eat lah. I have no teeth lah!” Haha.

I gotta say eating lotus flower seed is a strange but interesting experience. The seed tastes fragrant, but it was nothing close to enjoyable. Guess I was worried about getting some virus from eating it raw.
After lunch, we decided to do some sightseeing around Ipoh.

There wasn’t much to see in terms of sights in Ipoh, but we did manage to drop by some majestic temples that seem to be built right into the rock walls of the mountains.
The temples here look really different. For one, the lions guarding the temples are smiling.

So cute right?
Don’t know about you, but I’m used to my temple lions looking mean and angry like this.

Maybe it’s to make the tourists feel more welcome.
Even the statue deities here look so slim and svelte, as if they’ve just gone on a 4-week program with Osim uZap and iGallop.

The temple is called Ling Sen Tong. With so many statues placed throughout the frontyard, the place looked more like a children’s playground than a respectable temple.
I still did my part in giving them some well-deserved donation though.

That’s my Chinese zodiac sign, The Dog.
For some reason, they made The Cow looked like an idiot.

Look he’s smiling at you!

Over at the temple, I met my half-brother, the Monkey King aka Kenny Beckham Sia.

And his piggy sidekick Zhu Ba Jie.

There are a lot of animal statues built like they’re meant for parents to put their kids on there.
Nicole couldn’t resist it and climbed on a camel.

I couldn’t resist it either and climbed on a…

Baby deer?

Doesn’t look like the deer was enjoying the ride as much as I did.
Wait. That sounded kinda wrong.

Don’t know what the heck this sign board means

Not far from Ling Sen Tong, is another amusing temple called Sam Poh Tong.
The main attraction here is a little pond where they breed hundreds of tortoises in there. Feeding is allowed if you bought some vegetables from an auntie at the entrance for RM5, which we did.

We had no idea how many tortoise there are at the pond, until we saw this.

The place was crawling with those creatures. LITERALLY!
We were so excited.

There was a baby tortoise far away from the pack. Nicole was trying to feed him with her outstretched arm, but the poor fella was struggling to even move. Even after like 15 minutes of cheering him on, the tortoise wasn’t making much progress.
He was so slow he probably took three days two nights just to crawl away from the pool and he’s probably gonna take ages more to reach that piece of yummy vegie in front of him.
We tried, but we gave up. Not gonna sit there to wait for him forever.

Moments later, we saw that stupid tortoise strolled nonchalantly back towards the pool area like nothing happened! That bugger.
While we’re enjoyed watching the tortoises’ antics, something interesting happened. Out of nowhere, we heard a series of loud knocking noises.

It was like someone was knocking on the door really loudly, except there were no doors nearby at all. A short while later it came again.
What could that possibly be?
After listening to it closely, we realised that the sound came from the pool. As it turned out, that was the sound of two tortoises having sex.

Yes boys and girls.
When humans have sex, we go “Ah ah ah!”
When tortoises have sex, they go “Knock knock knock!”

Meanwhile, something even more amusing was taking place. The male tortoise was trying to mate with the female tortoise. You can see him mounting from behind her, all horny and ready to go. But apparently, the female tortoise wasn’t exactly in the mood for it.
Normally, when human girls wanna hint to their partners that they’re not up for it, they have to go through a lot of effort coming up with some pity excuses like “I have a headache” or “I’m too tired” so that the boys would stay away.
But if you are a female tortoise, you don’t even have to bother with all that lame bullshit.
If you’re not up for sex, forget about arguing. JUST SHRINK YOUR HEAD BACK INTO THE SHELL!

Imagine a guy making sweet love to his wife or girlfriend, and halfway through she just sinks her head and limbs into her body liddat. Can you imagine how crap he must have felt?
The male tortoise must be feeling so frustrated, however he still kept going at it.
Eventually one of the older tortoises (presumably the female tortoise’s dad) got really fed up by the horny tortoise’s persistency. He had had enough of it, so he approached the hot-blooded male from behind.

Then the old fella opened up his mouth real wide, took careful aim…

Only then did the fella decide to move away.

I swear I’m not making this up. The whole episode really amused the hell out of me. You can even check out Nicole’s blog for the video.

You know your life is really sad when you get excited talking about tortoise porn.

It wasn’t long before it was time for us to leave Ipoh. Nicole and I spent whatever remaining time left camwhoring in front of the beautiful Ipoh Railway Station.
First, it was her. And she posed like this.

Like this.

Like this.

And then it was my turn.
At first I was just posing like this.

Suddenly, Furong Jie Jie‘s spirit appeared and took control of my body.
I was possessed.

Before I knew it, I was posing like this.

Like this.

And finally, like this.

Damn, that Furong Jie Jie spirit was evil.

She went to Ipoh and created a Furong Kenny.

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Steven Lim Releases New Album

A lot of people don’t know this.

But after that episode he had with Xiaxue over being named the most disgusting blogger in Singapore, Steven Lim landed himself in a secret CD recording deal.
I had some major strings to pull in Singapore, but my effort paid off in the end.
For the first time in history, brings to you, this exclusive LEAKED song from Steven Lim’s brand new CD album.

Click here to download MP3

Don’t say you didn’t see it coming.

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Rainforest World Music Festival 2007

The Rainforest World Music Festival is one event Kuching folks always look forward to.

Every year, thousands of music lovers from all over Malaysia as well as other parts of the world fly in to our normally quiet little town of Kuching to celebrate good music and turn the place upside down.

The festival has grown extremely popular over the years, attracting attention from both local and international media, to a phenomenal scale that even local residents here are surprised at.

I always like the Rainforest World Music Festival.
This ain’t your typical run-of-the-mill rock concert. One of the most interesting aspects of the music fest is that the performers always bring along strange and peculiar musical instruments from their countries that no one here has ever seen, and along with that music that sounds totally different.
We’re talking about drums that look like handbags.

Guitars that look like coffins.

And pipes that look like they are made out from the TV antenna at my house.

The festival is also the only time throughout the entire year that I can play host to my friends from KL.

Angelina Jolie’s half-sister from KL, Christy Jolie-Yeoh.

Instead of always asking them to layan me whenever I’m in KL, this one of the rare times I can repay my favours and show them the best Kuching has got to offer.

Charmayne the chipmunk had too much sio bee to eat.

My experience with the Rainforest World Music Festival this year is different from the previous two years that I attended.
After finding out that my coverage of the festival for the past two years on has got quite a bit of attention (my blog entries was only second on Google after their official website), I e-mailed the organisers asking if they could put me on their media list.

I wasn’t putting in much hope since isn’t exactly a “real” publication like a newspaper or magazine anyway, but I figured it was worth a try. Hey, after all they did put through some obscure publications with a circulation so small no one has even seen it in newstands.

Behold, the power of blogs!

Surprisingly, not only did the chief of the Sarawak Tourism Board herself granted me media access to the festival, she hinted also that she might wanna further collaborate with me in the near future. How cool is that?

Holy crap, I always wanted to take that political-minister-hitting-on-the-all-important-gong photo and put it as front page headline news, like how newspapers here always do.

So this is the first time I attended the Rainforest World Music Festival not just as an audience, but as part of the media.
I must say, we get treated pretty well as the media. Among other perks, not only are we given free access to all three days of the festival, we are also allowed up close and personal to the stage so we could take really good photos.

Not that close, Joyce

Here are my Top 6 Moments of the Rainforest World Music Festival.
#6. Meeting Channel [V] VJ Marion Caunter

18 months after I spoofed her Osim uZap ad, I finally get to ask her if she’s upset by it.

Her reply: “No way, I thought it was damn hilarious!”
Thanks Marion. I can finally sleep well at night.

#5. The Black Umfolsi

What’s there not to like about these guys?
All the way from Zimbabwe, this band is what African music is all about. Just look at the amount of fur they wear on stage.

“I can see things sideways”

I don’t know what those white-coloured furry things they wore on their arms and legs are, but I think they might be African Polar Bears.
Here’s a video of them teaching the crowd how to do African Aerobics.

So delightful, so catchy, so happifying. The Black Umfolsi band is like the African-version of Mika.

#4. The Throat-Singers From Tuva, Russia

These guys here look like your typical granddad on a rocking chair, but as soon as they open their mouth they can easily blow your panties off big time.

I sing like that too when I was trying to take a crap

“Throat-Singing” is an art originating from the Russian-Mongolia border.
They sound a bit like what would happen when Darth Vader did karaoke in Mongolian. But when the guys from Huun Huur Tu paired it with their traditional instruments and a DJ spinning in a background, the result was absolutely mind-blowing.

The crowd loves these guys.
Who would’ve thought a couple of oldies have the ability rock the thousands of revellers hot on the dance floor?

#3. Hot Bodies At The Rainforest Fest

For the guys, there are sizzling hot babes.




The girls there ain’t missing out either. There were plenty of eye candy for their viewing pleasure.

In fact there were so many sweaty smelly half-naked guys at the festival, it was almost like the movie 300.

King Leonidas wants to PARTAYYYY.

#2 Nicole Tan’s Antics

Nicole was really drama throughout the entire three days of the event.
On the first night of the festival, she met and had this HUGE crush on the violinist of the Scottish band Shooglenifty.

Honestly, I don’t know what is so special about grandpa.
What does he have that I don’t?
I mean, he looked like some homeless guy I would rescue from the streets.

Nicole Tan’s boyfriend. Got a dollah?

On the third night of the festival, we encountered a vendor selling glowsticks.

I bought two each for ourselves. But that girl became so fascinated by those glowsticks she disappeared from our group. We couldn’t even reach her on the phone.
Then some half an hour later, Nicole finally returned to us.

With her whole body all covered in those darn glowsticks.
Apparently, she got bored from all the musical performances on stage she decided to help the glowstick vendor sell his wares.

With a hot chick assisting him, that lucky bugger sold out all his glowsticks in half an hour.
Before long, Shooglenifty appeared on stage again.

Our part-time-glow-stick seller screamed so loud, Grandpa must’ve pissed in his pants.

#1 The Hottest Band From The Festival
Without a doubt, the number one hottest band from the festival goes to our very own Aseana Percussion Unit.

Hailing from Kuala Lumpur, this colourful band specialises in drums. They’ll hit on anything and everything, including their fellow band member’s head.

One of the most popular member of the band was this dreadlocked Chinese guy Justin Lim.

The ladies in the crowd absolutely love him. And the bugger knows it!
It was like, he beat the drum just once, the ladies all gasped in ecstacy.

Every time he beat the drum, their panties dropped a little bit. The faster he beat, the further their panties drop.
By the time he’s finished his super-ultra-mega-fast drum solo, he would’ve left the ladies all sweaty and breathless and pregnant with his baby.

The Aseana Percussion Unit is simply amazing lah.
These guys are so passionate about music, they don’t just play their drums.

They freaking EAT them.

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Anonymous Online Flamer Harrassed Blogger, Got Arrested

This one is surely going down as the best “pwn-ed” moment in Malaysian blogging history.

Not too long ago, I had the pleasure of meeting up with a blogger from KL going by the moniker Icy. I was making my trip to Penang, and she e-mailed me one day asking if she could bunk in my hotel room to share costs.
Putting aside my fear of sharing a room with possibly a psycho stranger, I agreed. Because seriously, how dangerous could someone with a nickname like “Icy” be? If it were some dude called “FieryKingMonster” who e-mailed me, I would’ve run far far away.

Anyway, the trip went pretty well for me and I blogged about travelling with her in this entry here.
However, things didn’t quite go so well for her.
Shortly after I published my blog entry, that girl began to experienced what she termed “The Kenny Sia Effect”.

No, she didn’t transform into an 80kg hairy man with dracula teeth.
But her blog traffic (and ego) did swell to ten times more than normal. That sudden surge in traffic was nice, but the last thing the girl expected after I linked to her was to receive hate mail.
And man, she received some really nasty hate mails. The language in those hate mails were so foul, they made Xiaxue sound like an etiquette teacher.

From: F*CK KENNYSIA <kennysiap*kimakcib*>
Date: Jun 26, 2007 6:51 AM
Subject: CIB*I SLUT I F*CK U
F*CK YOU CIB*I SIAO CHA BO come to penang with si beh tulan kennysia macib*i f*cker u think u so good kennysia only cheong with slut only so u itchy open legs for him to f*ck ur puki if ur cib*i so itchy come everybody take dick f*ck ur cib*i kennysia f*ck we all f*ck also

6 minutes later, another e-mail.

From: F*CK KENNYSIA <kennysiap*kimakcib*>
Date: Jun 26, 2007 6:57 AM
Subject: CIB*I SLUT I F*CK U
kan ni neh i know ur secret every nite u let hamsup kennysia into your cib*i hole he f*ck ur cib*i u think very nice stay in hotel with him sure he touch ur tetek until ur puki wet what he do to u his lanci*o very small only u let me f*ck u sure better

What the! Leave my lanci*o out of this, ok!?
It is innocent ok. It ain’t small, but it is humungous, ok?!
18 minutes later, another e-mail.

From: F*CK KENNYSIA <kennysiap*kimakcib*>
Date: Jun 26, 2007 7:15 AM
Subject: CIB*I SLUT I F*CK U
kenny sia f*ck ur puki i also want f*ck ur puki hard hard until blood come out

Somehow I get the feeling that this e-mail sender is a big fan of Shanghai Bank’s toy mascot in Taiwan.

From: F*CK KENNYSIA <kennysiap*kimakcib*>
Date: Jun 26, 2007 7:23 AM
Subject: CIB*I SLUT I F*CK U
cib*i slut i wan f*ck u like kenny sia i find u at ur ofis with my frens we all f*ck you u scream n cry also no use we wun stop we make u wish u never born haha u think u so good until kenny f*ck u we f*ck u better then kenny F*CK U UNTIL DIE HA HA HA

Ok, I don’t know what this moron was rambling on because all we did was share a hotel room but sleeping on separate beds.
Suffice to say, everytime I get e-mails or comments like that, the most logical thing to do is chuck them aside and classify them as rubbish-written-by-people-who-have-no-better-things-to-do.
I know because I have been using the Internet for more than half my life. Empty online threats are so bloody common, they are about as scary as my 2-year-old niece on the loose.

Scary or not?

Icy is not stupid either.
Being the smart intelligent woman that I’m sure she is, of course she did the only sane and sensible thing there was to do – SHE FREAKED OUT BIG TIME FAST FAST GO LOCK UP HER GATES, HER WINDOWS AND HID IN A CORNER SHIVERING AND CRYING TO HER BOSS ON THE PHONE FOR HELP.
Yes, our heroine actually got so terrified because of a stupid anonymous online threat.

This is Icy. Terrified.

Ok fine lah. To her credit, there is a perfect reason why KiasiIcy was so paranoid over those empty e-mail threats.
A few months back, Icy was nearly abducted by a suspicious man after walking out from the front of her house. Lucky for her, she managed to struggle and free herself from the assailant, but that incident had traumatised her so much she is constantly worried about her safety.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, after making some phone calls our freaked-out heroine decided to file a police report.
Say what you want about our police force and our sucky internet service. As soon as the police in KL received the report, they gave TMnet a call, traced the IP address to a house in Georgetown, contacted the police in Penang, went to his house and guess what?

Not surprisingly, just like every other online flamers out there, those jokers were some pre-pubescent college kids thinking about sex all the time, thinking it was funny to hurl insults at bloggers, thinking they were invincible hiding behind the cloak of anonymity of the Internet.
I bet THE LAST THING on their mind was the police barging down their front doors over some stupid e-mail pranks they sent out “for fun”?
Those idiots must be pissing in their pants when that happened!

Anyway, Icy decided not to press charges after receiving a two-page apology and a RM100 cheque from him.
As for me, I have only one word to say to this supposed “anonymous” online flamer.

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Cheesie’s Meme

Haven’t been updating at all over the Rainforest Fest weekend ‘cos I was busy playing host to these two lovely ladies.

But more about that later.
As for right now, there are more pressing and important issues to address, such as this incredibly cheesy meme.

Cheesie asked on her blog, “Post up photos of eight different types of hairstyles you have had.”
I hate “memes” and I almost never do them. But apparently I have to answer to this one, otherwise I might die in some cheesy death.
The problem is, I don’t think most guys would have gone through that many different types of hairstyles. Unless your name is David Beckham, how much variations on a guy’s hairstyle can you possibly have?
I had a look through all the photos I have taken in hair salons and I realised that no matter how much money I paid, they almost all look the same.



Alan Salon did try to spike things up a little, but they still look almost the same.



Spiked it up, but still same.
Alas, the only hair salon that made me look different from the rest was my cheap RM8 “Helmet” haircut at Swee Mei.

Definitely not same.

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The Latest Place To Hang Out In Kuching

The newest, latest place to hang out in Kuching is not Secret Recipe.

It is not The Living Room.

Heck, it is not even bloody Bing!

It is right here, at the Kuching International Airport, aka The Poikeeteo.

Now, why the heck would Kuching people wanna hang out, of all places, at THE AIRPORT?

Because after opening a branch in virtually every single other state in Malaysia, Starbucks has finally opened its doors in our humble little city of Kuching.

Instead of making their mark in some huge ass shopping mall in Kuching, Starbucks chose to make their first impression at our airport.
For the first time, Kuching people, most of whom have never tasted this expensive coffee franchise before, flooded the airport eventhough they have no flight to catch.

As much as I am a fan of Starbucks and enjoy a bit of quality coffee every so often, I can’t help but to wonder the big question on every Kuching folk’s mind.
Would the humble average-income earning Kuching population pay RM10 for a coffee just to sit under green umbrellas indoors, when they could’ve easily paid just RM1.40 to sit at the nearest kopitiam?

Clearly, not everyone here is a fan of Starbucks.

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Teaching School Kids How To Blog

Over the weekend, I was flown to KL by SEGi College to give a presentation on blogging to some secondary school kids as part of the college’s Junior Journalist Programme.

I haven’t spoken in front of a large crowd for quite a while, so naturally I was quite nervous when my turn came.
Luckily, my friend David was there to give me a hand.

Why do I look like I’m wearing a helmet here?

Now, this David guy is what I would call a magician or an illusionist. But in his lingo, he prefers to call himself a “mentalist”.
No, that does not mean that he is mental. That just means that his specialty is “reading people’s mind”.
That, and bending forks.

Video taken by IcyQueenGoddess

Earlier, David suggested that I perform some simple tricks before my presentation as an ice-breaker. I thought good. My talk was the last one of the day and I probably needed something to wake up the audience (other than splashing them with hot coffee which was what was originally intended.)
Problem is, I don’t know any magic. “No problems,” David assured, as he guided me with detailed instructions on what I have to do.

Our routine involved David placing a clear sealed envelope on stage in full view of the audience the whole time.
Inside the envelope was a series of three predictions.

Yes I know I look fat here. Shaddup. Bad angle.

With the help of this special crunched-up paper ball (which was really just some rubbish paper I found on the floor) that I threw it into the crowd, I randomly picked three members of the audience and got them to name me a phone number, a male blogger and a female blogger of their choice.
Then I went back on stage, took out the contents of the envelope, and whaddya know?
All three of those random audience’s choices appeared exactly on that piece of paper inside!

WHOA! An audience member wowed by my awesomeness.

Yes, Kenny Sia can perform magic. Bow down to me now, biatches.
Ok lah, honestly speaking I also dunno how that happened. Maciam magic liddat those predictions just “boom” appeared on the piece of paper liddat.

Click to download my Powerpoint slides

My actual presentation was a bit less entertaining compared to my opening act.
I went through a series of topics with the school kids about blogging, pointing out the tools available, ways to get traffic for their blogs, how to handle negative comments, and most importantly how to keep themselves away from trouble with the law.

The truth is, talking about blogging is one thing. Making the talk entertaining is another thing.
As much as I tried to simplify, the topics I covered were very serious and extremely dry. After what seems like an eternity of rambling on stage, I didn’t expect these school kids to take in much of what I said.
Heck, my speech was so boring some of the kids on front row even fell asleep. So when question time came I wasn’t anticipating anyone to raise any questions at all.
To my surprise, one tiny kiut little ger sitting at the back of the auditorium raised her hand with much enthusiasm and gutso.

This wasn’t her, just using this photo for illustration.

I turned my focus towards the girl and perked my ears to listen attentively.
At the back of my mind, I was wondering what deep questions along the lines of “online-legal-concerns-and-defamation-lawsuits-against-bloggers” this young journalist-to-be might implore me to answer.

That was when she stood up, looked at me dead in the eyes, and asked…

“Kenny, can I take a photo with you?”
%@&$^*&! Did anyone actually pay attention to what I just talked about or not!?

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Transformers Made In Malaysia

One of the biggest blockbuster movies coming out from Hollywood this season is Transformers.

I watched it and I thought it was a really kickass movie.
The true stars of the shows are of course those damn sexy sweet cars that can transform into robots. And with the movie featuring new cars never seen before in Malaysia like the Chevrolet Camaro, the Pontiac Soltice and the modified Ford Mustang police car, I reckon Transformers has just succeeded in making many boyfood fantasies come true.

But after watching such an action-packed Hollywood movie, I walked back to my car and thought… What if Transformers were made in Malaysia?
Imagine how different it is gonna be like.

Firstly, there’s not gonna be some silly little planet called Cybertron anymore. Instead, our Transformers will be coming in from Cyberjaya.
The bad guys will not be called the Decepticons and the good guys will not be called Autobots .
To reflect our true Malaysian flavour, the bad guys’ name will be changed to DeceptiProtons.

And the good guys?

Heck, maybe the title of movie won’t even be called Transformers anymore.
If it were made in Malaysia, we would call it Kereta Tukar-Menukar!

And what’s a Transformers movie without cars that can change into giant cool robots, right?
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the fearless leader of the Peroduabots

Optimus Kancil.

Don’t underestimate this baby. When it is ready to go to battle, just watch this sleek little machine transform into a fighting robot as it yells out that famous catchphrase.


Ok, maybe not.

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