2006 New Years Resolution

In the year 2006, I plan to:

  • Stop guzzling alcohol like it’s water.
  • Put 40% to 50% of my salary into savings each month.
    (The above resolution is waived if I had to travel during that month.)
  • Ponder about my future a little bit more Scrap that, I have no control of my future after all. No point pondering.
  • Nabeh. Use less cuss words on kennysia.com. KNNCCB.
  • Stop writing about politics, and never use the “A***h” word ever again. Aiseh.
  • Remember Kenny, alcohol is not water… alcohol is not water…
  • Lose 10kg off the spare tyre around my waist. As opposed to gaining 10kg like what I did this year.
    (The above resolution is waived if I’m really really hungry.)
  • Travel to Singapore once every few months. I can never get enough of Singapore. But can someone like, ask the hotels there to charge a little less?
  • Carefully read the MRT Station regulations before proceeding to take more photos inside the City Hall MRT station.
  • Alcohol bad. Kenny good. Kenny no drink alcohol!
  • Most importantly, avoid slacking off from January to November, then try to achieve all my new years resolutions in bloody December!

What is your new years resolution?

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Malaysia Vs Singapore

Malaysians and Singaporeans are forever arguing.
Honestly, I think the sarcasm-filled exchange between this Malaysian and that Singaporean is silly. C’mon guys, it’s the holiday season. Lighten up.
In all seriousness though, you can argue all you want and I’m just gonna say this very important piece:

My petrol brings all the cars to the yard
And they’re like, it’s cheaper than yours
Damn right it’s cheaper than yours
I could fill you but I have to charge

La la, la la la…

How To Embarrass Yourself On Christmas Day

Things I kinda, sorta, vaguely remembered happening during the last few hours on Christmas Day:

“Bla bla bla…” Fantastic restaurant with a weird name.

My brother was away in KL, so I took Mom out for a nice Christmas dinner at Bla Bla Bla… She had Grilled Lamb and I ordered the Ostrich Roll for myself.
We caught King Kong at Star Cineplex later that evening. It must’ve been ages since I took Mom out for a movie. I think the last time we went to the cinemas together was in Perth when Dad was still around.
Mom is never a movie person. She’s always the one who sleeps in cinemas, especially during war movies like Saving Private Ryan and Blackhawk Down.

View of Kuching city from the top of Harbourview Hotel

Sylvester called and invited me to Felix’s place for their Christmas gathering. I popped by around 11pm after sending Mom back.
Almost as soon as I arrived, a glass of Chivas and Coke mysteriously appeared on my hand. I downed it in one go, and before I realised, I have another full glass of Chivas and Coke on my hand. I drank it all in again, but the bugger kept automagically refilling itself.
I don’t know why, but I think sitting next to Gilbert might have something to do with it.

Bryan’s tortoises, the only moving object left sober that evening.

I was introduced to Bryan, who was smiling and grinning throughout the entire night for some inexplicable reason.
“Hello Kenny. I read your blog. Come, come with me! I introduce you to some friends!”
Just like that, I was pulled to the backyard where all of Bryan’s friends were congregating.
Bryan was very happy but I tried to act as calm as possible.
“Har? Who is Kenny Sia?”
Times like these, I dunno whether to laugh or cry.

Sensing I was starting to get tipsy from drinking the Magic Self-Refilling Glass™ I sauntered into the kitchen to get myself a few glasses of warm water.
Bad move. I was caught red-handed.
“Why… why cannot? Tipsy already.”
“I really cannot already…”
“OK you answer me first. ‘What is my name?’ If you answer correctly I let you drink water. If not, you must drink this glass of gin & tonic!”
“Starts with A, ends with N”

I tried to fool my way through by kissing the rim of the glass, but they were too smart for that. I downed the gin & tonic but that’s one glass too many. Utilising with my Super Fish Bowl Vision™, I managed to stumbled back to the living room and plonked myself right on the sofa. Lionel offered me some mints. It didn’t help.
And then I felt it. My stomach is turning. The head is spinning. I tried to hold myself back, but there’s only so much a human being can do to stop a convulsive gastric reaction.
Vile vomit churned all the way up my throat, through my mouth and in one swift motion, I hurled onto my jeans, my Hush Puppies, right onto the beautiful mosaic floor tiles.
Funnily enough, when it happened the first thought that came into my mind was “Heng ah! Lucky it’s not carpet!”

Oooh. I can see the salad I had for dinner just now!
I did three times. Bryan looked at me in disbelief “Dude, you puked in my house!”
Tell me. What can a man say in situations like this?

If you look close enough you might be able to spot the bean sprouts I ate last night

Lionel was nice enough to drop me home while enduring three more of my pukes out the car window. It was only 12 midnight when I reached home. I took off my clothes and slept in the nude till 4am, woke up, drank a bottle of Melilea for a change, then went back to bed again till 12noon.
My sincere apologies to all you guys who saw me made a fool out of myself last night. Hope my dinner didn’t smell too bad on the floor tiles.

Hmm… I wonder if I’ll be invited to a Christmas party next year. Guess I shouldn’t have too high hopes for it. 😉

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Back in high school, I was sitting next to this Good Christian Girl. One day, we received our assignments for the week, and upon looking at the questions involved I exclaimed “OH MY GOD!”
Good Christian Girl turned to me in shock and said “You just swore!”
Puzzled, I looked back at her and said “Noleh… I only said ‘Oh My God’. What did you hear?”
“You swore again!” yelled the Good Christian Girl. “You used God’s name in vain.”
I cocked my eyebrows and said “But I’m not Christian…”
“Yes I know, but I feel offended that you insulted my God.”
“Har? I where got insult your God? Relax lah… Jesus!”
“Now you’ve said Jesus’ name in vain!”

I’m gonna put my final words on this long pointless debate that seems to go round and round with no end.
I’m not a subscriber of the Christian faith. I’m not a subscriber of the Islamic faith.
I’m a subscriber of Astro. But that’s besides the point.
My point is, I believe in respecting one another’s religion. By that I mean I CANNOT tolerate people inciting hatred, and I CANNOT tolerate people slurring on a religion or race.
Example: Chinese guys have pencil dicks.

My pencil.

However I also believe in tolerence that works both ways.
If I’m not a subscriber to your faith, am I expected to follow your way of life? Your code of ethics? Of course not.
For a non-Christian to follow the code of a Christian is as absurd as the Singaporean Court following Australia’s book of law!
If I don’t subscribe to Christianity, and I said words like “Oh My God”, which to the majority of the people is fine, then won’t you agree that my Good Christian Girl is guilty of over-reacting?
(Btw, some Christians I know do not masturbate and do not believe in the use of condoms because they believe semen should only be used for breeding babies, otherwise it’s considered murder. Lucky I don’t have to follow their way of life)

By the same token, I am not Muslim so if I use the word “Al**h” in vain, or rear a dog, or play 4D, which again to most people is fine, then am I in the wrong or are you being overly sensitive?
The point again and again is that this is NOT a racial NOR a religious issue. It is about accepting a reasonable level of political incorrectness. It is about you understanding me, me understanding you. It is about accepting the fact that not everyone is going the live the life you want them to live, and not everyone is going to say the words you want your ears to hear.
We have our differences, but we TOLERATE our differences. We don’t ask people to take down posts because you think it offend yourself eventhough most people are fine with it. Just like we don’t stop people from yelling over the microphone at 5am every single morning when most people are still in bed.
We TOLERATE it. And THAT, to me, is the key to harmony.
End of discussion.

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Guide To Buying Gifts For Men

So I was talking to JoyceTheFairy, and she was lamenting to me how difficult it is to buy Christmas gifts for men.

Let’s face it, when it comes to exchanging gifts on Christmas, more often that not, the guys always seem to end up on the losing end. Whether it’s for your boyfriend, your boss, your dad or your bro, a lot of girls are just clueless when it comes to buying gifts for men.
Anyone who’s ever been out birthday shopping with girls would know. Girls, they strut into the shopping centre early in the morning with one thing in mind: hunt down that perfect gift for that perfect guy. Five hours later, they walk out of the shopping centre with 3 pairs of heels, 4 handbags, 2 skirts, 5 tops, two of which have same design but different colour, and NO birthday present for that poor birthday dude.

For far too long, men have endured having to receive crappy presents from girls, only to forcefully put up a weak smile when we unwrap the presents and discover – what a surprise – the FIFTH pair of GODDAMN SOCKS AND BOXERS YOU GAVE US EVERY YEAR FOR 5 YEARS STRAIGHT.
But in the name of maintaining civil harmony, we pretend to be excited just to make you happy. We may not like your presents, but we sure would still like to walk away on our own two feet without medical assistance.

That is why I’m representing the male population of this world to say this: enough is enough. This Christmas, I’ve decided to put together this nifty guide for the girls on how to buy gifts for men.

You can never go wrong with gadgets.
Guys love gadgets. If your guy doesn’t like gadgets, please check if your guy is actually, y’know, a “guy”.

The Best Gadgets This Season:

  • Panasonic Lumix FX9 (~ RM1,600): Compared to Canon’s Ixus, Casio’s Exlim, Nikon’s S series, this is in my opinion the best of the small cameras.
  • Apple iPod Nano (~ RM1,000): Nothing but the iPod. Not Creative. Not iRiver. iPod. You don’t go for Bata when you can get Manolos for a few dollar extra.
  • O2 XDA Atom (RM2,899): The sexiest new PDA phone is as expensive as a notebook, but if my girl buys me this, I’ll be her slave for 5 days 4 nights (inclusive of 5% govt tax and 10% service charge, minibar not included).

It’s pricey, but any man who doesn’t want those as presents is obviously a liar. Besides, you can always share among a few people and split the costs.

If gadgets is out of your budget, get them some quality silk ties.

If most guys are like me, but I find it bloody difficult choosing a proper, corporate-ready tie for work. To me, they all look the same. I tried buying ties on my own. I wore them once or twice, disgusted by my own taste and then went back to wearing the same old ties all over again.
Most girls, I notice, have no problems picking out the hit from the shit.
Where to get good ties:

As a rule of thumb, stay clear from loud or cartoon ties, make sure they are not filmsy and soft to touch, and choose a tone and pattern that best complements his work attire.
Besides, they make great handcuffs in bed.

Ok so you probably cannot afford thousand dollar gadgets, or maybe the guy you’re buying for is in Standard 6 so he probably won’t be wearing any neckties for the time being.

How the heck am I supposed to play with this thing?!

Under NO circumstances should you get him a pair of I-Love-You-You-Love-Me soft toy bears! It may look sweet, but trust me, we honestly don’t like it as much as girls do. Because we can’t play with it! There’s nothing fun with playing with a soft toy bear!
Instead, get him one of this season’s best PC games. Make sure you get original ones ‘cos the pirated OEM versions don’t allow you to play online.

Be careful though, these games are super addictive. You really have to be mentally and physically prepared for him spending less ‘quality time’ with you and more ‘quality time’ with his computer.
Don’t be too surprised if he emerged from his room 3 days later looking like The Undead from World of Warcraft.

Your boyfriend ah?

“But it’s soooooo expensiveeeee!” I hear you say.
Bring you go cinema watch movie, you think the tickets pirated one ah? Drive you here and there, you think petrol free one ah? Take you eat at fancy restaurants, you think our mother cook there ah?
What’s a few thousand dollars compared to all these money love we showered on you this past one year? I rest my case.
Guys, you can thank me later with a nice cold jug of beer.

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“Merry Christmas” Is Another Way Of Saying Screw You

This is ridiculous.
Do you know that in the United States right now, there’s this huge debate going on about the use of the word “Christmas”?

Apparently some people thought it’s offensive and inappropriate to say “Merry Christmas” in public. See, the USA is a multicultural society so there’s a lot of Americans who do not celebrate Christmas by default. Initially, their government bodies and major shopping complexes decided to start using the more politically-correct and all-encompassing “Happy Holidays” or “Seasons Greetings”, which I thought was fine.
And then it happened. Some donkeys came along and said “NO! It is not OK to use the word ‘Christmas’ at all! Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. It has the word ‘Christ’ in it. If you use that you’ll be isolating all the Buddhists, Muslims, Jewish, etc who do not celebrate Christmas at all!”

So they began renaming everything Christmas. The transformation begun from the White House, to schools, to streets, to major department stores like Macy’s etc.
Christian symbols were removed from nativity scenes.
The symbolic Christmas Tree became the Holiday Tree.
If you’re Jewish, it’s called the Hannukah Bush.

If you’re Muslim, it’s called the Allah Plant. (joke by right-wing Conservatives.)

[No. Sorry but I will not remove this picture.
ONE, I am obviously against the Christmas Tree being called anything else other than the ‘Christmas Tree’. ‘Hannukah Bush’ and ‘Allah Plant’ are examples I used to illustrate the ridiculous names people came up with in the name of political correctness.
TWO, the whole point of this politically-incorrect entry is to ask people to stop being so anal about political-correctness.]
You put Christmas Holiday Decorations on your Holiday Tree. You give out Christmas Holiday Cards to friends and families. You make a fool out of yourself during your company’s Christmas Holiday Dinner.
You go to the city to watch Christmas Holiday Lights. You splurge on your credit card doing Christmas Holiday Shopping.
This whole renaming thing is so ludicrous, I’m surprised they haven’t changed Jesus Christ into Bob Holiday.

This is a pair of Christmas balls

Then the inevitable came. Far right religious groups including that blabbermouth Bill O’Reilly began to lambast left right and center anyone who won’t use the word ‘Christmas’. They wrote angry letters, boycotted products, and in true American fashion, threatened to lay the smackdown and sue the candy ass off anyone who disagreed with them.
If you say “Happy Holidays” to a conservative American, don’t be surprised to hear “That’s Merry Christmas to you, bitch!” in return.
What a spectacular way to ruin the Christmas mood.

Come to think about it, living in the United States is like writing for kennysia.com. You can’t say anything these days without offending people.
I’m not Christian so I don’t feel obligated to protect the religion. I’m all for accomodating everyone’s beliefs as much as possible and even I can tell that this whole debacle is absurd. It’s amazing to see everyone is trying to ram their beliefs down the opposing camp’s throats with no room for tolerance at all.

If a Christian wishes a Jew “Merry Christmas”, it is an act of goodwill, not a scorn because of conflicting ideas on Jesus Christ. If someone chooses to say “Happy Holidays”, it is still an act of goodwill despite the choice of words. Why are these people getting so worked up? And dammit, gimme back my goddamn Christmas Tree!
The most ironic thing is that even a Muslim country like Malaysia is more tolerant towards the other people’s cultures and beliefs. [2 days after I put up this entry, sadly I no longer feel that way anymore. The commenters pretty much proved that Malaysia is just as intolerant and politically-correct as the USA.]
Till then, Merry Christmas to ALL!

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