At The Stroke of Midnight

All men are created equal, but not all lukams are built the same.

First, there’s your average garden-variety nothing-too-special lukams.
And then there’s Super Lukams.

SUPER LUKAMS leh! Don’t pway pway. Zhng my lukams!

Chinese New Year this time round for me was celebrated unlike previous years. This is the first CNY I ‘celebrated’ without my father.

My other family members had all gone on holidays overseas. I myself didn’t save up enough for an overseas trip, so I’m kinda left in Kuching alone. Not that I’m complaining though. I have real fantastic friends and relatives to ensure there’s never a dull and lonely moment for me. 🙂

Chu Xi (CNY eve) was spent having a reunion dinner and doing the lao sheng at my eldest aunt’s place. Thank God for cousins. In the absence of mom and sis, they’re the closest thing I can have to a family.
Later that evening, I joined Alwyn and Tim watching spectacular civilian-sponsored fireworks at a ‘white house’ on a hilltop near Kuching City Centre.

Malaysia, like many other countries, outlawed fireworks years ago. But somehow these fireworks were able to swim from China over the ocean and into Kuching. These aren’t your average RM5 fireworks that goes “Peeeewwww- poot!” and then disappear just like that.

These are the serious bad-ass kinds that go
And the whole sky exploded into tiny little fragments.

They usually only reserve these for special occasions like the New Year’s Eves. Except this was BETTER than New Year’s Eve. Those ones lasted for a measly 5-minutes and was concentrated in one location only.
It was special last night in Kuching. Near midnight, THOUSANDS of these ‘civilian-sponsored’ fireworks were released from backyards of ordinary Kuching people into the skies. From where we were standing, we got a good 360 degree aerial view of the entire city spectacularly lit up in fireworks.

It was truly a sight to behold. The fireworks went on, and on, and on, for a good one hour. It was SO GOOD it’s like having an hour-long orgasm.
Happy Chinese New Year, boys and girls. It’s the year of the dawg, yo!

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Living in Kuching City is like watching the Discovery Channel sometimes.

I spotted this HUGE ASS LIZARD on my way to work yesterday. Dunno the exact scientific name of this species, but I think it’s something like HugeAnus Lizardicus.

Scared the living bejesus out of me. What is a huge ass lizard doing in the middle of the CBD anyway? LOOKING FOR A JOB?
Just earlier during the day I spotted a handicapped scorpion in my driveway.

The poor critter was missing one of its claws and was seen pacing around the car porch like he owns the damn place. Not sure what happened to its claw.
Maybe my dog ate it for dinner.

It wouldn’t be so bad if the scorpion had just walked around minding his own business.

The bugger had to take a nap underneath my car wheel! Like that Tiananmen rebel protesting against the tanks liddat!
Oi, move leh! Made me late for work nia.

Eten M600 PDA Phone Review

Find the best deals on new PDAs. Get customer ratings and professional price comparison before you buy. Read how pdas are being used on college campuses by keeping students connected. Also find great deals on pda accessories to go along with your new phone. You can also use your pda to search in certain libraries and have access to the information right at your fingertips.

A while ago I was contemplating to get myself a new phone.

When O2 announced the release of Atom, I was almost certain that that would be my next phone. As it turns out, the reviews online weren’t too positive. Many who bought the Atom were terribly disappointed and agreed that it was a waste of RM2,988 that could’ve gone into a brand new notebook instead.

Enter the lesser-known Taiwanese brands Dopod 838 and the Eten M600. Compared to the Atom, these two models are cheaper and comes with their own sets of extras.

The Dopod 838

The Dopod 838 came with built-in keyboard, which personally I despise on a PDA Phone. It’s so ugly!
The Eten M600 suits my tastes better, so I purchased it for RM2,450 (with free 256MB SD Card thrown in) at The Gadget Shop in Lowyat Plaza KL. That’s a savings of over half a grand compared to the O2 Atom!

Here’s the stuff inside the box: the M600, a leather case, a USB cradle, earphones, installation CD, and some weird pieces of paper with all those legal mumbo-jumbo that nobody reads.

I have to admit, the M600 unit itself doesn’t have the sex appeal of the O2 Atom. The casing itself is made of cheap black plastic instead of those shiny brushed metal cases that all self-respecting PDAs boast. The programmable buttons at the front are particularly filmsly-looking.

The stylus is secured in a hole underneath the PDA. Compared to most other PDAs, the stylus here is big and long so it feels like a dickonosaurus holding a Kilometrico pen instead of holding a toothpick.

The placement of the stylus is a lil bit unconventional, but this is actually a more convenient location once I get used to it.

On the side, there are buttons to activate the camera, a volume-control, a voice command button (for moments when you feel like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible), and a tiny soft reset button.

On the top of the M600 is the power switch and a SD Card slot. I like how Eten retains the use of legacy SD Cards. Both the O2 Atom and Dopod 838 forces you to use the new mini-SD Cards, which is considerably more expensive while offering no significant size reduction.

Compared to the O2 Mini, the Eten M600 is slightly bigger, thicker.
It comes equipped with a 1.3 Megapixels and offers resolutions of up to 1280×960.

Photo of a handicapped scorpion I took this morning with my phone

Like every other phone cameras in its class, the M600 suffers from obvious image quality issues. The phone camera is obviously no replacement for a dedicated digital camera. But at least you can take spy shots of random people without them knowing. 😉

Here’s the M600 sitting on its UFO-like USB cradle. They’re not the sexiest looking combination of them all, but owning the M600 is like dating an ugly girl. You don’t really like it at first, but it grows on you after a while.

Connectivity-wise, the M600 offers all the options under the sun, except infrared connection. Besides, which loser uses infrared these days?

It supports WiFi which means you can log on to the Internet for free at Starbucks, read, or even make a free long-distance phone call using Skype. I called Australia last night and the quality is just like a normal telephone call, albeit a little laggy.

The Eten M600 runs the latest Windows Mobile 5.0, which is a great piece of software! The number of things you could do with this new OS GREATLY surpasses any other phones available in the market today. Make no mistake about it, this is THE MOST advanced PDA Phone operating system out there.
(Wow, that rhymes.)

Yes, I need a thousand-dollar PDA to remind me all important things, like what time wrestling is on TV.

Too bad it’s a Microsoft, which means your phone will crash half the time and you’re gonna reset it almost EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN’ DAY.
It’s true. I woke up late for a dinner once because my phone hanged and the alarm didn’t go off. Dammit Bill Gates, FIX the core issues first BEFORE updating your product!

I used the RM500 I saved from not buying the O2 Atom to get myself a wallet-sized portable ‘Bluetoot’ keyboard from ThinkOutside.
It’s pretty cool.

It flips…


And voila! A full-sized keyboard right in front of ya!

Blogging on the go. Woot!

I had the Sony Ericsson K700i before this and although it had served me well for a good 14 months, I find it falling short in many areas as the perfect all-in-one mobile device. For my PDA, I had the trusty 4-year-old Compaq iPAQ 3870 which I find too bulky, so usually I left it at home to rot when I go out of the house.

What I need is a gadget, small enough to fit into my pants, combines all the functionalities of phone, PDA, and a basic camera to take those rare once-in-a-lifetime shots.
Of course I could always do this…

The Ham-Pa-Lang Pow-Ka-Leow Nokia PDA Phone with Camera. On sale NOW!

… but heh, I think I want something a lil more practical. 😉

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Hottest Dogger

This coming Chinese New Year is the Year of the Dog! Woof woof!
I like dogs. I’m born in the year of the dog. Dogs are cool. I was wondering how to pay tribute to the greatest pet animal in the world, when for some inexplicable reason I was reminded of this particularly memorable outlet I visited in KL.

I love hotdogs. It’s a love I carried over from Australia, where hotdogs are stupidly called “sausage sizzle” by those weird Aussies. One of my favourite stalls in Perth was Nick’s on Murray Street Mall (Vienna Dog = BEST). I was searching for it high and low last time I was there, but for some reason Nick’s hotdogs has moved. IT’S GONE! 🙁
Since then, I’ve been dying to get my hands on some authentic gourmet hotdogs to no avail. I’ve tried, but those at the local Ramly Burger stall just don’t quite cut it.

Larry Martin is an American expat living in Malaysia, and the owner of Danny’s All-American Gourmet hotdogs at Hartamas Square. He also keeps a blog over at During my last trip to KL, Larry sent me an e-mail inviting me to lick his wiener grab his buns err… visit his stall.

The hotdogs at Danny’s are unlike any others you can find in Malaysia. Larry Martin has spent time, sweat and money looking all over the world for the right ingredients for his hotdogs.
The spices and jalapenos are from Mexico. His Gulden’s mustard are brought in from the US. The buns, the sausages – all freshly made to his specifications.
Larry doesn’t use any of those cheap frozen supermarket bullcrap. Some may call him a perfectionist. I call him one helluva hotdog obsessed nutcase. 🙂

“8 inches of love” he loving calls it.
Right… everyone knows that’s nothing compared to my 11-inches of dickonosaurus.

Danny’s signature hot dog is the Famous Texas Chilli Dog. This one is particularly special because it’s topped with the their secret Chili con Carne recipe. It tastes fantastic! It’s obvious a lot of dedication and fine-tuning went into this, and the results show at first bite.

Nachos on the side

Considering each hot dog costs up to RM9 each, I kinda wonder if that’s too expensive for thrift-conscious Malaysians. Then again, before Coffee Bean and Starbucks came in people were saying they’re gonna go bust because Malaysians wouldn’t pay RM10 for a cup of coffee when there’s RM1 coffee at the kopitiam shop nearby.
And look at where there are right now.

You know, if someone were to tell me 6 months ago that the best hotdog in the world could be found at Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, I’d probably laugh at him and say that the oldest tropical rainforest in the world could be found on my legs.
After sampling Danny’s Texas Chili Dog, I reckon it’s safe to say that that was the best hotdog I’ve had. EVER.

So good so yummy so deliciously satisfying.

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Starstudded Saturday

Just a photo-filled post for today. 🙂

I got wind that Pensonic (a Malaysian electronics brand, not to be confused with Japanese giant Panasonic) had sent some down of their celebrity spokespeople to Kuching for some PR work yesterday. The stars were partying at Senso that night and some of the big names from the local filmmaking industry were there.
Wanting a piece of the action, I went in to have a look and here are some pictures from the night.

One Chinese boy. One Malay girl. One unforgettable love story…. RIGHT.

Pint-sized actress Sharifah Amani, who starred as Orked from Malaysia’s hit movie Sepet.

Two of my favourite stars from the Sepet cast.

Kuching boy Linus Chung, who (unfortunately) is best known as the guy in Sepet who delivered that classic line “Hang Tuah… Hang Jebat… Hang Cheebye.”
What most people don’t know is that Linus is also an up-and-coming filmmaker whose work include many of Pensonic’s TV commercials and the music video for Malaysian Idol Daniel Lee’s hit Organic Love. Not bad for a small town boy from Kuching.

Linus Chung meets Hang Cheebye

Linus Chung is the only one in the room who’ve read, and has his own blog at Don’t ask me, I don’t get his obsession with frogs either. 🙂

Who else but the stunning international model Amber Chia, who has endorsed EVERY SINGLE BLOODY THING ON EARTH there is to endorse, from Guess watches to Stila Cosmetics to FTEC notebooks to Jasmine rice to Pensonic shower to god-knows-what-else.

I like her. She’s definitely the friendliest and best-behaved from the whole entire group. Mannnnnn, her sexxxy dance moves gave me the nosebleeds.

Linus Chung, Bjarne Wong, Carrie Lee (Beauty among the Beasts), Alwyn Tay and Kenny Sia

The guy in green in Bjarne (pronounced Bee-Yon) Wong, a friendly Sibu guy who made his mark in Hong Kong then returned to direct Sarawak’s first feature film The Legend of the Red Curse, an indie low budget Blair-Witch-Projectesque movie shot with handheld camera.

Damn that woman looks hot from all angles

A quiet drink at a nearby kopitiam later that evening, Bjarne showed me publicity posters for his next movie Possessed, this time boasting bigger budget, better film camera and bigger stars like Amber Chia and Korea’s transexual starlet Harisu (yes, she WAS a boy).

These posters aren’t even out in newspapers or magazines yet, so remember you’ve seen it first on 😉
Hopefully this movie will churn out better results than his first.

With Morning Crew host JJ. Out of all the stars that were there, he’s the only guy whose work I’m most familiar with ‘cos I listen to him every morning on my way to work. Delightful guy who’s as happening off air as he is on air.

Catwalk model Peng Peng. I’m not familiar with her works but she’s darn friendly.

Miss Chinese Cosmo International Carrie Lee. HOLY SHIT did you see that? That woman is ONE THIRD MY SIZE!
Let me die, just let me die.

Umm… who is this guy again? Anyone knows? 🙂 Heh.
This one is funny. Carrie Lee and Pensonic’s head honcho were making their thank you speech by the DJ Console when some crazy nutcase appeared out of nowhere, grabbed their mike and yelling “KUCHING GOOD! KUCHING GREAT!”

The expression on their faces say it all.
Anyway, later that night I was trying to get Amber Chia to hold up an “I *heart*” sign, as seen here with sweet Follow Me girl Angel Yeoh. Just for fun obviously.

Before I can do it though, one of those obscure Pensonic spokespeople approached me and asked me which newspaper I’m from.
KS: I’m not from any newspaper, this is just for my blog.
??: Can you promise not put up photos of us getting [insert suitable word for ‘enjoying ourselves too much’]?
KS: Yea I can promise you that. I don’t intend to anyway, it’s not ethical for me to do that.
He wasn’t convinced. A few minutes later, he approached me again and asked.

Angel Yeoh, Bjarne Wong and Sean Lee

??: Since you’re not gonna use it, you can delete it off your camera right?
KS: Err… sure.
So I pulled out my camera and delete the naughtier photos right in front of him, out of goodwill of course. I never intend to publish them, nor do I intend to cause them any bad publicity.
He STILL wasn’t convinced.

??: What’s that photo? I love… what?
KS: That’s my website address.
??: You can’t do that. You got to pay her endorsement fee if you want to use that.
KS: Oh no, I asked for her permission already. I’ve asked all of them for their permission and they said yes.
??: She’s [insert suitable word for ‘enjoying herself too much’] and doesn’t know what she’s saying. If you put it up, she can sue you for RM80,000.
KS: Alright then I won’t put it up. I’ll just keep it for myself ok?
??: No, delete, delete.
KS: No… Don’t worry I won’t publish it. You have my word for that. Promise.
Bloody guy didn’t listen. He rudely snatched over my camera and delete all the photos with the “I *heart*” sign on it.
Even the ones that didn’t involve the Pensonic spokespeople.

Damn pissed.

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Best of Kuching Series

Having returned to Kuching for almost one full year, I thought it might be a good idea to jot down some of my favourite haunts in Kuching.
Best Bar
BarZing, Travilion

BarZing @ Travilion Mall

BarZing is the best bar in Kuching for it’s nice atmosphere, affordable drinks and especially those REALLY REALLY REALLY hot barmaids. Their music could do with a little bit of improvement though – they have the habit of playing ‘My Humps’ more than 3 times a night.

Senso @ Hilton Hotel

If you got serious cash to burn and a credit card with no limit, the exclusive Senso @ Hilton is also worth checking out.

Best Hair Salon
Inspiration Alan Salon, Hock Lee Centre

I’m kinda tempted to put Swee Mei‘s cheap RM8 haircut. 😉

But I gotta be honest. Despite one of their junior staff throwing a hissy fit over the review I wrote about them last year, I still think Alan Salon is the best hair salon in town. From RM25 for a wash & cut, Alan Salon’s hairstylists are a cut above many other expensive hair salons, without the hefty price tags.

Best Orh Jien (Oyster Omelette)
Ocean King, off Persiaran Ban Hock

Kuching Orh Jien is unlike any other Orh Jien. Ours are made like a pizza with a crispy omelette base topped with cooked oysters garnished with coriander leaves, usually served with some specially-made salty soy sauce.
When it comes to the freshest oysters on the crispiest omelette bases in Kuching, Ocean King’s Orh Jien takes the big prize, hands down.

Best New Age Restaurant
Bla Bla Bla…, next to Ting & Ting’s at the Jalan Tabuan Roundabout

Bla Bla Bla…

There’s a lot of losers opportunists out there who jumped in on the whole Zen-insired theme after Bing’s runaway success a few years back. In reality only a handful did it right. Of those, Jambu (Jalan Central Barat) is best for chilling out. Magenta (Jalan Nanas) serves the most delicious Nyonya food in town.


For the best of both worlds and more, go Bla Bla Bla… Bizarre name for a restaurant, but great food, great ambience, great everything.

Best New Drink
Iced Milo Dinosaur

I predict this drink is gonna take Kuching cafes by the storm the same way Three-Layered Teh-C-Peng did a few years ago. This is standard Milo, blended with ice, topped with a generous tinful of Milo powder.

Original is best, and the original Iced Milo Dinosaur can be found at Mambo King @ Travilion.

Best Kolo Mee
KY Cafe, Jalan Sekama

Legendary Kuching kolo mee with char sio yew made by the three easily-recognised owners (the fat, the tall and the old). Their kolo mee is so sinfully yummiliciously oily, you’ll wonder if they secretly added KY Jelly to lubricate it.

Have a bite.

Best Sarawak Laksa
Madam Tang’s, Jalan Petanak

Madam Tang’s RM10 Special Sarawak Laksa

RM10 gets you one huge bowl of Sarawak Laksa with prawns the size of baby dragons. Not too spicy, not too sweet – in fact, it’s just perfect. And I’m salivating just thinking about it right now.

Madam Tang’s Gubak Mee

Madam Tang’s also serves one of the best Gubak Mee (Beef noodles) in town.

Best Coffee
Bing Coffee Company, Jalan Padungan

My biggest worry before I came back was how the caffeine addict in me is gonna survive after being spoilt for choices at coffee-happy Australia. Bing is like a god-sent for me.

Using only Illy Coffee (best beans in the world), our homegrown coffee house kicked those franchise brands’ arses so hard, their competitors had to eat dinner standing up for the rest of their lives.

Best Cakes
Tom’s, Jalan Padungan

Words cannot describe how heavenly these cheesecakes are.

Their Double Choc Praline at RM8.95 per piece is simply superb. Just imagine this sweet luscious baby melting in your mouth, right now.

Of course, these are just my personal favourites. And no, no one paid me to do this.
Hmmm… I think I should start a meme. 🙂 Where are the best places to eat, drink and play in YOUR home town?

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A Brief Introduction To Kuching

Part of the fun writing for the world wide web is that you get readers from all corners the world. Trouble is, most people know that I’m from Kuching, but not many know where exactly Kuching is.

I remember there was this MSN conversation I had with a friend of mine from Singapore. For privacy reasons, I’m afraid I cannot reveal her identity. Besides, XiaXue wouldn’t like it if I make fun of her on the Internet.
XX: How’s things like north of the causeway?
KS: I’m to your east lah.
XX: When are you coming down to Singapore?
KS: Not anytime soon?
XX: Why not? We’re separated by a couple of mountains only what.
KS: We’re separated by sea lah. Where got mountains.
XX: Just drive down here over the weekland lah.
KS: Cannot lah, how to drive. Can only take the aeroplane to Singapore. Or swim.

(A few days later)
XX: I just came back from Wanyi’s house and I looked up where Kuching is on the map.
KS: That’s what I’m trying to tell you!
XX: I thought it’s just across the causeway!

Can’t blame her for not knowing though. After all, Kuching is an obscure city that’s not very well-known outside of Malaysia. Even those from West Malaysia, particularly the older generation, can’t even differentiate between Sabah and Sarawak. I don’t know which high school they went to, but according to their geography books, Kuching is the capital of Sabah, Kota Kinabalu never existed, and the Sultan of Brunei still controls Sarawak.
Anyway, I just think it’s appropriate that I do a brief introduction to my hometown here.

Kuching is the capital city of Sarawak, a Malaysian state located on big Borneo Island. Long long time ago, Sarawak was actually a part of Brunei. Then, one fine day, some crazy angmoh called James Brooke dropped by the Sultan of Brunei’s palace and said “Oi, siao eh. Limpeh from Britain, and limpeh want to be KING!”

If something like this happened today, we would’ve just scratch our balls, laugh at him and said “KNN! SIAO AH! WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!”
But this was in the 1841, so the Sultan of Brunei scratched his balls, sniffed his fingers and said “Errr… fine loh!”
And just like that, the Brooke Family ruled Sarawak for the next 100 years. Japan said “Ohaiyo-gojayimas” and took over during World War 2. The Australians said “G’day mate!” and saved our asses in 1945.

In 1963, Sarawak, together with Sabah, Singapore and Malaya joined forces like Captain Planet and formed the Federation Malaysia. 2 year later, Lee Kuan Yew said “steady-steady-pom-pi-pi”, pulled out of Malaysia and fast forward Singapore to become the wealthy nation it is today. Sarawak and Sabah stayed on as autonomous states.
Despite Kuching being a formal part of Malaysia, the differences between East and West Malaysia are still quite distinct. In fact, when it comes to the history, language, culture and demographics, sometimes I feel as if Kuching has more in common with Singapore than it has with Kuala Lumpur. For example:
Singapore was once ruled by an ang moh

Sir Stamford Raffles

Kuching was also once ruled by an ang moh!

Sir James Brooke wearing very tight pants

Singapore is named after an animal

Kuching is also named after an animal!

Singapore has Sentosa

Kuching also has Sentosa!

Singaporean youths like portable music

Kuching youths also like portable music!

It was Lee Kuan Yew who commented sometime ago that Kuching reminded him of Singapore 50 years ago. I wouldn’t hold my breath, but if what he said is true, I’ll be rejoicing at the thought that I’d be able to party at this new club called Zouk Kuching some 50 years later.
Too bad, by then I’d probably look like this.

Kuching means “cat” in Malay, which is very odd because there are a lot more stray dogs in Kuching than cats. But lucky we’re not called Anjing. Nonetheless, the entire city is unhealthily obsessed with cats. Not only did we nicknamed ourselves the Cat City; the official city mascot is a cat; there’s at least two huge cat statues in the town, even a bloody huge “cat museum” dedicated to this god-like feline species.

The most common misconception outsiders have about Kuching is that it’s an ulu kampung where people don’t wear clothes, hunt heads and still live on trees.
Actually they are quite right. Look, here’s a picture of me updating!

The best thing about Kuching isn’t its shopping centres nor its night life. It’s the FOOD. That’s why it’s so hard to lose weight here. Food here is so cheap and good. No offense to others hor, but I think our Laksa is the absolute best in the world.

On the downside, like any other small cities, Kuching suffer from typical small-town-mentality. Tongues are loose and gossips spread fast like wildfire. Over here, a lot of people seem to take pride in showing off their children’s academic achievements and then stand on a high pedestal pointing out other people’s downfall. That’s one reason I don’t want to become too well-known within my hometown. Alas, that’s not working out too well. 😉

Despite that, I still love Kuching. Sure, I envy Perth’s beauty, Singapore’s nightlife and KL’s shopping. But come to think of it, there’s no other place in the world that’s so harmonious, so livable, no other place that blends city and country-living so well apart from Kuching. And I love it, just like small mouse love big rice.

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Don’t Leave A Message After The Beep

I got a phone call today.

“Hello is this Mr Kenny Sia?”
“My name is Aina, calling from Osim.”
“Oh, oh my gawd… sorry Aina… I can explain. I was feeling naughty over the weekend and it was just a harmless prank…”
“I’m calling to inform you that the Osim iCare Eye Massager you sent in for repair is now ready for pickup.”
“Oh, err… thanks!”

This is my computer desktop, less than 24 hours after my MSN Messenger e-mail address was leaked on the world wide web.
(Click to enlarge)

Goodbye humanity.

Weight Loss Ads Are Ridiculous

Am I the only one finding this whole thing absurd?

Flip open the papers, walk down the stores. Everywhere we go these days we’re constantly being bombarded by hundreds and thousands of weight loss ads. Marie France, Mayfair Bodyline, Slimming Sanctuary, Unisense.

You seen them once, you seen them all:
1. All of them claim the EASIEST way to weight loss
2. All of them cost TOO BLOODY EXPENSIVE
3. All of them feature endorsements by perfect-looking celebrities WHO PROBABLY HAVE NEVER EVER BEEN FAT BEFORE IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE!

It’s damn illogical ok. These celebrities are not even human ok, they’re freaking GODDESSES. They don’t NEED those weight loss products to look good. Why are they the one endorsing it? It doesn’t make sense.
The latest culprit in this relentless assault of celebrity-endorsed weight loss ads seems to be massager-manufacturing giant Osim. In Singapore, it’s Mediacorp star Fiona Xie. Here in Malaysia, it’s 8TV hottie Marion Caunter.

It was horrible. It’s like everywhere I go I see cardboard cutouts of Marion Caunter doing THAT pose. It’s like she plugged herself into The Matrix and asked Agent Smith to clone multiple versions of herself. Not that I’m complaning really, though personally I would prefer a real-life Marion Caunter than a cardboard Marion Caunter.

Feeling irritated, I decided to pen a letter to Osim International demanding an explaination.

I mailed out the letter this afternoon. Here’s the content.

Mr Ron Sim
Chief Executive Officer
Osim International Pte Ltd
65 Ubi Ave 1
#07-00 Singapore
Dear Sir,
Re: Spokespersons For Osim uZap
I am writing to you to express my extreme disappointment at Osim International’s decision to use Fiona Xie and Marion Caunter as spokespersons for Osim uZap in Singapore and Malaysia respectively.
My disappointment has nothing to do with Fiona and Marion personally, as I’m fan of them both and I enjoy their work in the media industry tremendously.
My disappointment has more to do with the fact that Osim uZap is a slimming product, and the fact that Fiona and Marion have perfect bodies all their lives. In that sense, they are unfit (pardon the pun) to tell people that Osim uZap has a positive effect on their bodies because it is illogical to make a perfect body… even more perfect.
I think Osim International should not use Fiona and Marion as spokepersons, but instead you should use a less-than-perfect spokesperson for Osim uZap. That way, you would sound more credible and believable when you tell people that uZap works, and people will not just anyhow say that Osim is talking cock.
Where to find a less-than-perfect spokesperson you ask?
Not to worry, as I have already found the perfect candidate to be the less-than-perfect spokesperson for Osim uZap. That person is… me!
Hereby enclosing two photos of myself for your kind consideration.

Please make me your uZap spokesperson.
Yours faithfully,
Kenny Sia
im@kennysia com

I wonder if they’re even gonna reply.

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