Black Is The New Black

What do Paris Hilton,

Ashlee Simpson,

and Britney Spears have in common?

I like how they have Britney Spears posing nude on their front cover, and the caption immediately next to it reads “Nothing to wear? 487 best new ideas inside!”

That’s right, they’ve all ditched their famously blonde head to go black.
You know the world’s gone mad when we have us Asians dying our hair blonde to look like angmohs, while these angmohs are dying their hair black to look like Asians.

Kenny Sia +10

This is not a paid advertorial.

I got a package sent to me by courier earlier today. If it’s sent to me by courier, I’m guessing it’s gotta be something important.
Check out who it’s from.

adidas Malaysia!
Can you believe it? Apparently my “Teamgeist ball looking like sanitary pads” entry found it’s way via inboxes all the way to adidas’ regional office and it landed on the desk of Anna-Rina from their communications department.

In return for me making fun at their product, they’ve decided to send me a pack of gifts as reward. I don’t quite understand the logic behind it either but hey, I got freebies! That’s all that matters.
How come Osim never gimme anything when I poked fun at their uZap? Stingy bastards. 😛

Here’s what’s inside the package.
First up, a football jersey.

But too bad it’s a little too small for me to wear. Gotta shed a helluva of weight before I could fit into this one.

I like the pen and holder they gave. There’s a tiny hole in the centre of gravity of the pen and you’re supposed to use that balance the pen horizontally on the pyramid shaped holder. It’s pretty cool. I’m planning to put it on my office desk to make all my workmates jealous.

There’s this T-shirt with the adidas tagline emblazoned on the back.
“Impossible Is Nothing”
Yea yea, impossible is nothing alright, except when the bloody referee awarded the penalty kick against Australia with only 40 seconds left on the clock. WTF!
Blah! Don’t talk to me about that match. I’m still damn tulan about it.

Then there’s this elegantly compiled mini-folder detailing adidas’ involvement in the FIFA World Cup for the past 30 odd years, in full colour glossy photos. It even come with a CD containing high-resolution snapshots of their products. I presume this was what’s given out to the press worldwide for their coverage into the World Cup.
I got the left overs.

Kaka! Kaka lai!

Finally there’s the adidas Football Lookbook contains pretty much the same thing, except it’s hard-covered and comes with this cute keychain of a pair of football shoes.

Too small for me.
Doubt I could find any use for it, but at least I can now play World Cup with my fingers.

It’s never too early to train for World Finger Cup 2010

Overall, great football memorabilia from a company with a good sense of humour. 🙂 And I certainly appreciate that. Thanks!

Continue reading

Price Increase

I’m a little bit peeved about this.

The past few months hadn’t been a good time for the average income-earning Malaysian. Everything’s gone expensive now. You open up the newspapers these days, you see the same old shit in the headlines: “xxx price set to rise”, “things costlier”, “new fees added”. EVERY DAY something’s gone up in price. EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN’ DAY, without fail.
Today it’s the petrol price increase, tomorrow electricity price increase, next day air ticket price increase. Then after that we have sugar price increase, rice price increase, drinks price increase, kolo mee price increase, simi lanjiao also price increase.
Sien lah everyday price increase not bored meh? Bastards.

It’s the same story everytime. Price increased, you get some big shot coming out, says a few words, tells us to “change our lifestyle” and accept the reality. The Opposition starts a peaceful protest, the police beats up some people for some reason, and then everyone forgets about it and returns to normal once again. Rinse and repeat.
The worst part about all this is that there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s quite sad really. We are being screwed over and there’s nothing we can do about it. Absolutely nothing.Everytime something’s gone up in price, you open up your legs wide, invite people to fuck you, then give them a can of beer after they’re done and say “Thank you, please fuck again.”
Here’s what gonna happen if the price of another public service like say, toilets increase.

Toilet Price Rise By 10c
Kuala Lumpur: The price for public toilet usage is set to increase from 20 cents to 30 cents per entry effective Monday.
“This is to keep up with the ever-increasing cost of operation, including water and electricity bills,” said a statement prepared by the Public Toilet Alliance (PTA). “We really have no choice.”

PM Datuk Adalah Bladder-Wee has explained that there’s nothing much the government can do about it. “The price of public toilets in Malaysia is too low.” He urged the public to accept the reality and change their lifestyle.
“Sometimes when you feel like you need to go, you don’t actually need to go. For example, instead of paying 20 cents, I hold my pee for a for while longer before finding the nearest 5-star hotel to relieve myself.”
Meanwhile outside a public toilet in Waterfront Kuching, a group of very angry protesters led by Opposition Leader Wang Toh Pi has vowed to stage a piss-ful demonstration.

“We shall not take this shit sitting down!” said Mr Wang, trembling uncontrollably. “This is unacceptable! I have not pee for 3 days already because it is so expensive! My comrades and I will not relieve ourselves until the government rolls back the price hike!”
30 minutes later the riot police shot him down with a water cannon. When interviewed, a police officer who wished to remain unnamed described the situation as desperate. “Mau kencing juga mau bising-bising. Cis, buat kacau saja.”

Another price increase, and the same shit is gonna start all over again.

Continue reading

Copy & Paste Logos

Times are hard to come up with your own business logos. Remember WWE Engineering?

When I spotted this signboard here at a 24-hour food court here (Siang Siang Foodcourt in 3rd Mile), I was happy ‘cos I thought Burger King has opened up a branch in Kuching.

Upon closer inspection though, I realised something didn’t quite look right.
Heyyy… that’s not Burger King. Since when did Burger King operate out FROM A STALL?

What the hell? It’s a Ramly Burger stall lah!

Continue reading

World Cup Roti Canai

Interesting news in the papers today.

You gotta hand it over to roti canai makers in Malaysia for always managing to come up with creative names for a seemingly simple piece of pancake.
A few years back I’ve only heard of Roti Canai (plain), Roti Susu (milk), Roti Telur (egg). These days they’re churning out new names as fast as Nokia churning up new mobile phones.


An enterprising restaurant owner in Penang has banked in on the World Cup fever and came up with a range of roti canais named after teams in the World Cup 2006. Among them Roti England (potato and butter), Roti Brazil (banana and chocolate), Roti Korea (crabsticks).
What is Roti France? French toast?
That’s all fine and dandy, because these are all popular teams in the competition.
But what about those lesser-known countries? Do they have a Roti Trinidad & Tobago? What about Angola or Tunisia? Who is gonna make a roti canai for them?

See, I don’t like favouritism or elitism. I think the qualifying teams for the World Cup 2006 all worked hard and all deserve to have a roti canai named after them. No one should be left out.
So I’ve taken the liberty to create my own recipes for some of the lesser-known countries competiting in the World Cup.

First up, is a roti named after a first-time qualifying nation from Africa,
Roti Togo!

Delicious and flaky roti canai topped with an ornamental tribal mask, this roti is sure to make the African drums in your tongue beating through day and night.

Next, is my tribute to the richest oil-producing nation in the world,
Roti Saudi Arabia!

This is one roti canai soaked with so much cooking oil, you can build a freakin’ oil rig on top of it.

If that’s neither of those are your taste, maybe you’d like to take a bite at…
Roti Iran!

You’ve all heard of Roti Bom, but have you ever heard of Roti Nuclear Bom?
I tell ya, it’s gonna be such a blast.

Continue reading

Miri Is A Party Town

Hello from Miri, Northern Sarawak.

I’m here for work. It’s my first time back to the oil town in about 4 years. Much has changed since then.
Last time I was here, the Miri airport looked like old Kuching airport, Curtin University Sarawak was still being built, and kids were listening to tetno music. Now, their airport looks like KLIA, Curtin Sarawak is up and running and kids are still listening to tetno music.

Why do we have to make all the airports here look like KLIA?

Here’s the obligatory I’m-in-a-foreign-land-partying-with-some-hot-chicks photo.

Meet Renee and IngHui (No that wasn’t my hand holding the cig. [role model kenny]Don’t smoke kids![/role model kenny])

I’m loving it over here. Met up with some friends the evening I touched down and they brought me out to The Balcony to show me how Mirians party. Boy, was I smashed or what. And it was only a Wednesday night!
The nightlife here honestly pwns Kuching’s big time, thanks in large to the friendlier and more cosmopolitan Miri crowd. Why can’t we have the same in Kuching?

To be fair to my female readers, here’s eye candy Arthur Akal.
The last time I met Arthur was when he was in Kuching for the Rainforest World Music Festival. Here’s a guy who could just sit in a pub doing nothing and have girls just wanting to get to know him. Jealous lah.

Watching the World Cup is more exciting when you’re with these people, and especially when the match was such a heart-stopping one like the one between Germany and Poland.
Thanks for a good time, guys. Let me know when you’re in town so I could return the favour. Cheers!

Continue reading

How To Make Your Own Official World Cup Ball

As the FIFA World Cup goes into full swing, I find myself deeply engrossed in the world’s most popular sport.

I wasn’t normally like that. I hardly followed the EPL or any other forms of soccer/football championships for that matter in the past. In my free time I do plenty of sports, mainly running and swimming, but I’ve never played soccer my entire life.
The truth is, I suck when it comes to balls.

No no no, what I meant was –
I find ball games a little too hard to play.
No, wait.
Ahhh screw it.

Oh my. On the pitch? I think that’s a foul.

My point is, I have a newfound interest in soccer thanks to the World Cup and I’m considering taking up the sport.
Over the weekend, I was at the shopping centre looking through some shoes, jerseys and stuff when I spotted the official ball for this year’s World Cup – theadidas Teamgeist.

This photo is taken with the LG Chocolate phone

What an absolute beauty of ball sitting right there in front of the shop seemingly saying to me, “Buy me, Kenny! Buy me!”
Hypnotised by it’s sexy curves, I sauntered dreamily to the ball, picked it up and much to my horror I saw this staring right back at me.

What the hell?! 400 bucks for a freakin’ soccer ball?! CCB SIMILAN ISLAND WHAT A RIP-OFF!
You gotta be wondering how much of a killing adidas is making right now just selling those balls.
RM400 per ball! RM400 is a lot ok! Not some small amount little kids can afford ok! RM400 can buy me 180 bowls of kolo mee and I’d still have some spare change to keep. And you expect me to spend it on a seemingly normal ball with some stupid curves and the ridiculous Germany 2006 logo on? DREAM ON!
Sien. The CEO of adidas must be swimming in a pool filled with cash right now. Makes me want start my own business selling balls as well. Too bad I only have two and I need them both.

If you’re anything like me, you’d feel very tulan as well. It’s like, you want something so much but you just can’t see yourself spending so much money on something so unjustifiably overpriced that it’s killing you inside.
Just then a light bulb appeared over my head. I thought to myself… why not make my own soccer ball? The Teamgeist is loaded with all these fancy technology a casual player wouldn’t care. All we care about is the look. Why pay so much for a soccer ball that looks good? Make your own!

Yes, that’s right. For a fraction of the cost of an authentic adidas Teamgeist, I could make my very own official FIFA World Cup 2006 soccer ball. And I’m gonna show you how.
First, you’d need a regular soccer ball. Any one will do. Get a “Made In China” one at your local sports store for a cheap RM40.

Sure, it won’t last as long and the specs aren’t as good, but the improvements in the Teamgeist ball are minimal in practice you probably won’t notice it anyway.
Then you gotta spray the ball all white.

Use spray paint of ICI Dulux, whichever you prefer. Gotta have a white background before you paint the designs on later ya know?
Now comes the difficult part.

You know how the Teamgeist ball features the signature World Cup trophy-inspired ’rounded propellers’? That’s important. That’s the whole reason why so many wanted the ball in the first place.
But how do you do it?

You get a box of Kotex.

Stick ’em all over your ball.

Add drawings with a marker pen and there you go!

Your very own Official FIFA World Cup Teamgeist Ball.

They look so similar no one can tell the difference.
Better still, if your girl is expecting her monthly matter, you can just peel one off your ball to let her use. And she’d be so in love with you.

Continue reading

Jamie Cullum Live Concert Tickets To Giveaway

It was tough selecting a winner out of 140+ entries. Most are interesting, but a lot of entries failed to capitalise on ‘stupidity’ or what is it that they ‘want’. Then there are those who didn’t respond to my request for their postal addresses.
There’s a few we particularly liked though.
Like jo who pooped in her pants when in kindergarten, and made her teacher smell everyone’s arses to find out who the culprit was. Or mini_me who dressed provocatively to her driving tests hoping to entice her examiner’s err… “gear stick”, only to fail when she clumsily forgot to put her seatbelts on the whole time.
But in the end it was WenYong, who in wanting to have some peace and tranquility in the house, stupidly gave a brand new Motorola Razr to his sister just so she could stop hogging the house phone. Only to have his sister chat on the phone, MSN and SMSes on her new handphone all at the same time.
For his foolishness, Mia and I are sending WenYong two premium tickets to watch Jamie Cullum live in concert at the Suntec Singapore Conventional Hall this Thursday.
Let’s just hope he won’t bring his sister along.
Good news for readers in Singapore!
Thanks to Mia, I’ve got TWO top-tier tickets (worth SGD$296) to watch Grammy-nominated jazz artist Jamie Cullum LIVE in Concert to give away.

Superman was late for piano practice

The concert is to be held this Thursday evening, 15th June at the Suntec Singapore Convention Hall. Mia had these complimentary tickets for me, but I couldn’t be in Singapore to catch the show so I’m giving them away to you guys instead.
To be in the running, just leave a comment below answering this question.
“What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done to get something you want?”
Lame, I know. Just wanna see how creative you guys get. Heh heh.

Contest closes 9am Tuesday (tomorrow) and is applicable to Singaporean residents ONLY. Must include your valid email address hor, so I could e-mail you to get your postal address.
It’s nice being a reader of, isn’t it? I also want.

Talking Soccer With A Girl

Get the background and history of soccer equipment here. This is a great site on famous players over the years and the history of soccer. You can also discover the differences of soccer equipment that many probably do not even know. This site offers lots of interesting facts on soccer you can surprise your friends with. If you enjoy playing the sport yourself, then check out great information on soccer jerseys at cheap prices.

Yesterday I was talking to Cheesie (aka “Weekend Mail Centrefold Girl“) about the FIFA World Cup, and this was what happened. It’s too cute I cannot NOT write about it.

cheesie: how was footie?
cheesie: who won?
Kenny: germany won against costa rica
cheesie: *forgot to make that the first question to ask a guy*
Kenny: hahaa!
Kenny: dun have to lah!
cheesie: u happy? 😛
Kenny: yeah
cheesie: who u support la
Kenny: i support australia. 😛 but don’t think they’ll go far.

FIFA World Cup Ballet Championship

cheesie: what’s the result
cheesie: educate me abit
Kenny: germany 4, costa rica 2.
cheesie: ok
Kenny: ecuador upsets poland 2-0
cheesie: *runs out of ques to ask*
Kenny: so odd to talk soccer with you! 😛
cheesie: harh why got ecuador one
Kenny: ‘cos they… qualified?
cheesie: i tot yesterday one match oni
Kenny: 2 matches!
Kenny: then 3 matches everyday
cheesie: oh
cheesie: oh
cheesie: siao
Kenny: 9pm – 11pm, 12am – 2am, 3am-5am
cheesie: which channel u watch
Kenny: astro loh
cheesie: cheh dun have
Kenny: i watched in the pubs also lah
cheesie: awwww

Red Cross’ newly employed nurses aren’t exactly a pretty bunch

Kenny: there’s a special channel on astro for the world cup alone
cheesie: walao
Kenny: ntv7 also have
Kenny: the popular matches lah
cheesie: then working guys how
cheesie: stay up til 5am?
Kenny: of course not!
cheesie: lol
Kenny: not gonna watch all matches
Kenny: die liddat
Kenny: just the popular ones
cheesie: where is it actually? 😐
Kenny: germany!
cheesie: SORRY!
cheesie: longbia
cheesie: *go reads sports sec*

This is how Brazil warm up their backsides

Kenny: poor girl
Kenny: dun have tooooo
cheesie: have to!
Kenny: why!
cheesie: erm
cheesie: i also want to erm… kepoh
Kenny: still in the early stages. 😛
cheesie: ahh ok.
cheesie: wait til got leng jai team then i watch
Kenny: !!!

Continue reading