Deal Or No Deal: The Edition

This has sure taken a while, but finally I’m allowed to publish this.

For those who were unfortunate enough to miss my brilliant performance on Deal Or No Deal (and by “brilliant” I mean worse-than-our-minister-rapping-on-Al-Jazeera type of brilliance), here’s the full episode of my first ever feature appearance on TV.





Quote of the Day: “I shall go down in history as the WORST player on Deal Or No Deal!” — Kenny Sia, 18 April 2007.

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Me And My Long Hair

Jasiminne the Penguin is back.

Jasiminne was among one of the more popular female bloggers from “back in the days”.
I haven’t heard from her ever since she moved to London a year ago and disappeared off the face of the Internet. No MSN, no e-mails, no nothing. Then one fine day she e-mailed me to tell me that she’s back in town for holidays.

So many guys would DIE to be on the receiving end of those lips

Anyway, I was in KL last weekend and we agreed to meet at Sunway Pyramid. Cheesie and I waited day and night for her to show up after she got lost in the carpark, of all places.
First thing she said when she saw me?
“KENNY! I wanna see what you look like with long hair!”

With that, Jasiminne suddenly ran to my back and draped her long hair over my shoulders.
This is the end result.

Silly Penguin. Still crazy as always.

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The Worst Christmas Tree Ever

This holiday season, everyone is trying their best to put on the most impressive Christmas decorations.

There’s Christmas trees in shopping malls.

Christmas trees on the streets.

Even Christmas trees as cupcakes in bake shops.
But this “Christmas tree” I saw outside the Pavilion KL has gotta win the award for Worst Christmas Tree ever.

Waddya mean it does not look like a Christmas tree? It IS a Christmas tree.
Look, there’s even Chritmas presents wrapped nicely underneath it.

Bricks for Christmas, anyone?
Just foolin’. 😉 I just need an excuse to post something to wish you guys all a Merry Christmas.

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Bangkok’s Chatuchak Weekend Market

You could always give the go-go bars a miss if the sight of trannies baring their man boobs offends you.

But one place not to be missed in Bangkok is the Chatuchak Weekend Market.
I went there during the last day of my trip, which fell on a Saturday luckily. In most places that I’ve travelled to, the markets are always the best place to see a wide range of merchandise and score some great bargains. The only exception is Petaling Street in KL, which is a crap hole filled with scams and rude vendors trying to rip you off.

Chatuchak Market is one of those places that is so legendary, I’ve heard about it long before I visited Bangkok.
My friends often come back home from Thailand sporting some funny but stylish looking T-shirts. When I asked them where they got their T-shirts from, they said ‘Chatuchak’ and that’s how I knew such a wonderful place exists.

Chatuchak Market is HUMONGOUS. The market is pretty much only about the size of a single storey of Midvalley Megamall. But with 8000 stalls packed so densely together, there’s never a risk running out of things to explore.
The prices here aren’t always the cheapest. What I like about Chatuchak though is that the vendors are always nice enough quote a very low price to begin with. Since the prices were already so low, my bargaining skills were practically worthless. Even the “pretend to walk away” tactic doesn’t seem to work.
Another reason I like Chatuchak is because…

They have COCONUTS!

Heaps and HEAPS of COCONUTS!

Coconuts so cool, they can deshell the coconut with one scoop, and hand you a ball of meat with all the coconut juice inside still intact.

Mango sticky rice, a perennial dessert favourite at Thai restaurants worldwide.
I never used to like it because I thought they tasted pretty bland, but then that’s because I’ve been eating cheap imitations at Thai restaurants outside of Thailand.
The real thing is heavenly.

A drink menu in the market.
You don’t pay them in baht. You pay them in baths.
A Pepsi can costs 15 baths. You gotta shower 15 times to buy a Pepsi can.

Lethal weapons: knives, swords, clubs, brass knucks, throwing stars, BB guns. You name it, they’ve got it.
The vendor looks like someone who could ong-bak the living poop out of me.

If you’re an art lover, you’re in for a treat. The alleys of Chatuchak market are filled with paintings, statues and trinkets to brighten up your place. And they’re priced quite reasonably too.
There’s an art gallery inside the market showcasing some pretty cool contemporary abstract drawings. These ones go for around 3,000 bahts (RM300).

Buddha art.
Technically, it’s illegal to sell anything depicting the images of Buddha in Thailand. But no one cares about it anyway. Prostitution is illegal in Thailand but look at how far it went.

Hey, why the long face?

Now that’s a happy Buddha.
Contemporary zen or religious mockery? You decide.

It ain’t over till the fat lady sings.

Oh look! Naked tits!
Tee Hee!
Quick! Someone faster go post a comment condemning and force him to take down the photo! Otherwise the minds of many young children reading this will be corrupted, y’know?

There are a lot of things in here not usually found back home, like this “Blob Thing” shown in the video.

Street performers are everywhere in Chatuchak market.

This guy is a cross-dresser trying to raise funds for his surgery, I think.

School kids raising funds for their education by playing music.

Looks like they REALLY need it their education.

For me, the most fun I had was at the pets section of Chatuchak Market.
The pet section here is incomprehensibly large, selling everything from conventional domesticated pets like cats and dogs to the more exotic types, like giant turtles.

I’d love to have a giant turtle, but too bad my baggage might be overweight.
The variety of dogs here are incredible though.

This dog is tulan.
Do not disturb.

This is what happens when you crossbreed a dog and a sheep. You get a dog that looks like a sheep.
Instead of baa baa, it goes woof woof.

When the dogs here are not busy imitating sheeps, they sleep.

Bunnies. Hundreds upon hundreds of them!

Tulan bunny hates wearing dresses.

Sexy hot chicks for your viewing pleasure.

They even sell miniature hedgehogs here. These ones go for 500 bahts (RM50).

Roborovski hamsters. They have literally thousands of them crawling around and they go for only 100 baht (RM10) each.
Not knowing I could actually get Roborovski hamsters in Kuching, I eventually ended up purchasing a pair of them.

The trouble was bringing these creatures from Bangkok back to Kuching.
I was actually stopped by airport security at the Bangkok International Airport when they found out I was carrying hamsters on my hand carry luggage. They wanted to confiscate my hamsters, but obviously I was not ready to let them go. So I lied to them and tell them that I’ll pass the hamsters over to “my friend waiting outside the airport”.

But of course, I didn’t know anyone in Bangkok. In reality, I snooped off to the nearest toilet and did the stupidest thing I could ever do for a pair of hamsters.
I stuffed them inside my pockets.
Yes, I thought about stuffing them inside my underpants initially, but I was afraid they might bite my testicles thinking that it’s food. So anyway, I stuff them inside my pockets of my shorts but those two buggers kept crawling out.

That didn’t work, so I thought to myself “bugger it” and stuff them inside my backpack. I figured if they confiscate it, then well, bad luck. At least I tried.
Lucky I didn’t put the hamsters in my pockets because when I went through airport security the second time, they actually patted me down and emptied my pockets.
My hamsters, on the other hand, went through the X-ray machine together with my laptop.
I wonder if they saw two tiny little hamster skeletons on their screen, because they let me through successfully.

And so, the two little hamsters went home with me back to Kuching (until one became Spiderham and jumped out the window from the second floor).
That concludes my short adventure in Bangkok. I also bought some gifts for friends, a new backpack and a few of those funny T-shirts that I always wanted.

150 baht

There was this one brilliant T-shirt that I really liked though, but I didn’t buy it ‘cos I was not sure what my mom would say if I actually wore it out.
Why, you ask?

Well, I think that’s self-explanatory.

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ADV: What’s In The Box?

This thing is driving me up the wall!

What gadget starts with the letters RVL?

It sirens when you shake it.

It makes a beaming sound when you squeeze it.

It plays a melody when you press it.

It makes a robotic beep when you poke it.

And it quacks when you throw it.
Sounds like some kinda robotic duck to me. But it’s a gadget with the initials RVL. What is it?
I have no idea but I can only wildly guess.
Is it… a Russian Vodka Lime?

website metrics

A Really Vicious Lion?

Ronaldo’s Vain Looks?
Wow. Imagine getting that gift in a box.
Anyway, I have absolutely no idea, I’ve used up all my guesses and I cannot do anything now but shower my friends with Christmas wishes from the site to get three more guesses.
Dammit, I wish I knew!

What do you think is in the box?

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Banging The Kok

Welcome to my super late travel log entry on my recent Bangkok trip.

After the Black Eyed Peas concert (of which I went backstage and met them OMG), I had a little bit of spare time to explore the historical Siam city.
Truth to be told, I didn’t quite enjoy the trip as much I hoped for. At the time, I had a lot of work at the back of my mind and I couldn’t put myself at ease eventhough I’m in an exciting new foreign city. The smog and bustling traffic of the thriving metropolis did nothing to soothe my headache.

This is my single private room at the guesthouse that costs me only 300 baht (RM30) a night. I did mention before that I don’t have the habit of paying for more expensive hotel rooms if I’m travelling solo, so this one suits my budget well.
The place is spotless clean, but the pillows are so damn hard I swear they’re made of bricks. You get what you paid for I guess.

I stayed at the Cozy Bangkok Place which is located reasonably near to the subway station and close to the city centre. Outside the guesthouse are rows of cheap residential houses.

When I walked past them in the morning or at night, the locals would greet me cheerfully though they don’t speak a word of English. I always appreciate that kind of heartfelt hospitality when I travel. 🙂

Nothing beats the value, the atmopshere and the taste of streetside hawker food. I tell ya, the Thais serve up some of the best-tasting fried rice in the world.
Wash it down with some Fanta straight from the bottle, and the bill comes up to less than 50 baht (RM5). Bliss!

The fattest, juiciest oysters are found in Thailand. These ones are 60 baht a pop (RM6), but I’m sure you could find it cheaper if you search around.

Some street art I spotted outside my guesthouse. It’s meaningless, but it’s cool. Hey, at least it’s a lot better than the ones we have back home.
In Malaysia, our “street art” are either swear words like “F**K YOU C*BAI” or “For gay sex, call John 012-xxxxxxx”.

Satay vendor outside Hua Lamphong station.

Anyway, it’s a good idea to stay at a place close to the subways because the road traffic in Bangkok is a friggin’ nightmare. The traffic in Bangkok is so bad it made KL look like Disneyland.

Here, taxis are perpectually stuck in a jam and tuk tuks rip you off big time. You can’t win.

The subway and sky trains of Bangkok on the other hand are surprisingly clean, fast and comfy. For some weird reason, very few locals use them so the trains are empty 99% of the time.
The only hassle is that there’s a security guard checking your bags everytime you enter the subway. In case you carry a bomb, y’know?

Dear Sue, someone in Thailand wants to bang you.

One thing I noticed about Bangkok is that there are so many places advertising for massages and other kinds of “health” crap. Some more their posters are always this picture of a half-naked lady lying down, eyes closed, receiving a massage.

Look, I love watching half-naked ladies as much as the next guy.
But when you’re SURROUNDED by these posters all around, it can be kinda annoying. I walked two blocks also sien already and started yawning.

Shopping in central Bangkok wasn’t as happening as I thought it was either. Sure, the international brands like Zara and Guess are all there in the glitzy malls, but the prices are more expensive than KL or even Singapore.
I had a really hard time stretching my baht.

Somethings are worth buying though.
I had this suit tailor made at one of those ubiquitous Indian-run shops near my hotel. One full business suit, including jacket, a shirt, two silk shirts, two matching pants and two silk ties for just 6,500 baht (RM650)! Throw in a briefcase, and I’ll look ready to close my next multi-million dollar deal. 😉
All these cut to fit and made in the exact way as an Armani suit. Try to get the same deal back home and it’d cost at least RM1,500.
Dressed to kill, I set out to explore Bangkok’s famous nightlife.

The trend now in many big cities is to have a bar on top a high-rise building. The idea is so that people can get a bird’s eye view overlooking the beautiful city night lights.

I’ve been to many similar bars in other countries before and none of them ever fail to impress me. The views here at Sirocco Sky Bar are just as equally stunning.

Download wallpaper

It made Bangkok look like some futuristic city straight out of Star Wars.
Go ahead and click on the pics to download the wallpaper-sized version of them.

Download wallpaper

The clubs in Bangkok are no less impressive. When the Black Eyed Peas were here, they said they enjoyed hanging out at the clubs everytime they’re in Bangkok.
And I can see why.

I thought nightlife in Singapore are great. I thought the bars in Jakarta are amazing. But the clubs in Bangkok completely blew me away.

The main clubbing district in Sukhumvit boasts the type of crowd that would put Zouk on a Saturday night to shame. We’re talking about a 5km-stretch Ekamai Road all filled with some of the trendiest clubs and hippest DJs along the road.
No cover charge, and you get to mingle in debauchery with some of the best-dressed crowd and hottest chicks in South-East Asia.

Check out this “bat mobile” parked outside Santika.

Look! There’s even a club called Blog 9! Ha ha.
Anyway, there’s a lot more Bangkok stories to tell, but I’m running out of time.

Up next, Kenny Sia explores the seedy underside of Bangkok’s sleazy go-go bars.

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Battle Of The Bands

You may have heard this on the radio.

Battle of the Bands is the largest intervarsity charity band competition of the year. The Grand Finals is happening this Friday at Sunway Lagoon Theme Park from 5pm onwards. Tix available at the door or pre-booked on 016 2219007. Admission is free and the event will be broadcasted on MTVAsia. It’s all for a good cause, and the best part is – I’ll be doing my part volunteering as GUEST JUDGE.
Oh yeah, I’m gonna go all Simon Cowell on those poor kids’ asses. They better be ready.

If you asked me two years ago if I expected to see my name billed on an event poster alongside VJ Denise and Hannah Tan, I’d laugh at you so hard until my left tit fall off.

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Japanese Sticker Machines

You know those Japanese Neoprint sticker machines that were all the rage back in the 90s?

When they first came out, I was so fascinated by them because I could never understand how people could justify spending wasting so much money and stick them all over their books.
Those stickers ain’t cheap at all. For whopping cost of RM25, all you get is a photo of you and your friends badly printed on a pathetically small piece of sticker about the size of two credit cards. As if that’s not small enough, you have to use a pair of scissors to cut the freaking small piece of sticker into even FREAKINGLY SMALLER PIECES OF STICKERS because you’re supposed to share them with your friends.

Add to that is the experience of going through the machine and have it guide you in one of those annoyingly cartoonish “kawaii” Japanese voice.
Most of the time, you don’t understand what the hell those idiots are rambling on about.
And when you finally figured it out, the countdown timer finishes and the stupid computer automatically chooses for you an option you didn’t even freaking want in the first place.

This was from 6 years ago. Damn, I looked like a mannequin.
Despite all that, I’m still really fascinated by these sticker machines. We never had something like that before in Kuching. The only experience I got was during my student days in Australia. Those in Perth would remember this old place next to Billy Lee’s Restaurant in Northbridge that was closed down after a while.

Anyway, I spotted these sticker machines again when I was in Singapore over last weekend. nadnut and I were at Cineleisure (Estee called it “Sini Pleasure”, which made it sound like some dodgy hooker den) and the dazzling pink neon lights attracted us. We went in there on an impulse and plonked SGD$11 on the table.
I was amused by how advanced these machines have turned into. You could even use a touchscreen pen to draw or add icons onto your pictures. How cool is that?
I didn’t know what nadnut was trying to do, but she scribbled some nonsense on her side. Five minutes later, the pictures came out like this.

Oi! How dare you! Lim peh is macho man ok!

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Problogger Wedding

The blogosphere is a funny place.

The true definition of the word “wasted”

Normally, we are a bunch of civil and peaceful people. But every once in a while, something controversial yet so absurd happens that it deserves a place in the proverbial history books.
Jeff Ooi’s legal battle against the New Straits Times was one. Dawn Yang‘s alleged case of cosmetic surgery was another.

A few days ago, another one of such ridiculous blog-related incident took place. It was such a big thing that I received no less than six messages asking if I knew about this.
It all happened when I received an e-mail from a guy claiming to be a “pro-blogger”. This “pro-blogger” is about to tie the knot and marry his wife, and he sent me a mass-circulated e-mail that goes something like this:

My first reaction when I got that e-mail was “What the hell?”
My second reaction after I got that e-mail was “Bloody spam.”
My third reaction was to click delete, and off to the depths of Gmail’s trash can it went.
And the drama ended. Or so I thought.

The day after that, Blackjetta YC blogged about how she received a similar mail from the same “problogger”.
Now, this “pro-blogger” wanted to get married, and he wanted YC to sponsor him customised wedding invitation cards in exchange of publicity for her freelance card-making business.
A novel concept? Yes. And one that COULD HAVE worked if it weren’t for two things:
1. Nobody knows who the hell this “problogger” is.
2. The way he mass-circulated e-mails and asked for favours like he deserves it.

Seriously, if you were in the wedding business and you get a mass-circulated e-mail sent to you like that, what would your reaction be?
Wedding car? Diamond ring!? MORE WEDDING FAVOURS!?
Names are censored to protect the couple’s identity. I mean, I would’ve at least told you who the groom is. But I don’t think Colbert would like it very much.

At this point, I’d like to say that I despise the use of the word “pro-blogger”.
Everyone can be a blogger, but to call yourself a “professional blogger” implies that you are better than everyone else. The term just smacks full of arrogance. I may be earning ad dollars from my blog, but I would NEVER call myself a “pro-blogger”.
In Malaysia, “pro-bloggers” are typically those who have blogs set up with the SOLE PURPOSE of earning revenue through American-based ad agencies.
You go their site, and 70% of their page is covered in ads. Then you read the remaining 30% of their content and wtf all of them are freaking advertorials written with no heart and soul. Not only that, those ads are not even RELEVANT in the Malaysian context.
If you fall into that category, sorry but you cannot call yourself a “professional blogger”. You can only call yourself a “spam blogger”.

My reaction to the whole situation

Not surprisingly after the whole fiasco, Colbert cancelled his plans to have a sponsored wedding citing “time-constraints”. I think that’s the right thing to do, and I extend my sincere congratulations to the couple.
But come to think of it, can you imagine what his wedding would be like if he actually went through with it?

What next?

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Hamsters Are Not Halal

Over my birthday weekend, I invited a few of my close friends to spend the night at the spectacular Santubong Suites.

When morning came, we headed out to the resort hotel next door to have our breakfast.
Just for fun, we brought along our pet hamsters with us.

Now I know from watching Ratatouille that rodents are normally not welcome at restaurants. But I guess it should be fine since there wasn’t much people around at the restaurant. Besides, the hamsters are all well-secured inside the cage.
We figured if the restaurant decides to make a fuss, we’ll just cooperate with them.

Not surprisingly, within minutes of us stepping into the restaurant, the manager approached us.
Manager: Hi, I’m the manager here. I’m sorry, but you cannot bring your hamsters into the restaurant. You’ll have to leave them outside, sir.
Kenny: Hmmm… I wouldn’t want some kids outside to play with them and take them away. It think it should be fine lah. We have them in the cage. They won’t run out.
Manager: I’m really sorry, but we operate as a halal restaurant. You cannot bring hamsters in here.
Kenny: Oh… ok loh.

Anyway, we cooperated with the restaurant and left the hamsters outside at the hotel reception. It was only until afterwards that something struck me as a little bit odd…
I could understand if I brought in a dog with some char siew pau strapped around it into a halal restaurant and get chased away by the manager. But hamsters?
Just because there’s “ham” in the word “hamsters” doesn’t mean they are mini porks.

Maybe they just think I’m a pig.
That’s why I’m also not halal.

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