What Makes A Malaysian A Malaysian

1. You can name all the players from the the English Premier League, but ask you to name one football player from Malaysia, one name also cannot come out.

2. When StreamyX come, you complain StreamyX too slow. When Maxis Broadband come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax come, you complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say StreamyX still the best lah.
3. When toll price increase, you complain. When petrol price increase, you complain. When you go Starbucks buy RM10 coffee, NO COMPLAINTS.
4. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and there’s SALE, run from one end of 1Utama to the other also NO COMPLAINTS.
5. This.

6. You are always late. And the excuse you give when you’re late is always either: (a) traffic jam (b) no transport or (c) cannot find parking.
7. You have a parent who force you to take science stream in high school, study engineering in Uni, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget everything you learnt in Uni and do commerce.
8. You know someone who can specially develop an angmoh accent when speaking to a American / British / Australian.
9. You complain against the government in kopitiam, you talk loud loud. Leave anonymous comments on blogs, you also talk loud loud. Attend ceremah by DAP, you shout loud loud. Then when Opposition organise a protest and ask you to go, you dun wan. Scared later kena tangkap by ISA.
10. Every year on the 30th April, you are one of the people below queueing up last minute to submit your tax return at the IRB.

11. When you pay RM10 for something that costs RM1, you blame the Chinese.
12. When a government service is too slow, you blame the Malays.
13. When a building is not good and collapsed, you blame the Indians.
14. When a Chinese student won a scholarship, you say “Wah! Very clever hor?” When a Malay student won a scholarship, you say “Aiya! Of course lah! He Malay mah!”
15. When an angmoh stranger kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you very happy. When a Malaysian guy kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him.

Happy 51th Merdeka, Malaysia.


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Egg McMuffin

Hello everybahdy, this is Egg McMuffin.

Egg McMuffin is a present from Pinkpau. It’s yellow, it’s round and it’s very very soft. I have been obsessing over him ever since I saw it on her blog, so she bought one for me right before she left for New York.
Thank you, Su Ann. Now I have something to use as a football.

Don’t worry, I will sayang my Egg McMuffin so when you come back he can mate with your Egg McMuffin. I know your Egg McMuffin is male as well but that is okay.
They can just swear on a religious book and pretend it never actually took place.

Thank you again. I really like it. I also have no idea why I like your overstuffed round chicken so much.
But I think it’s because I secretly think he looks like me.

Yes, our resemblance is just so uncanny.

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Mister Potato Winners Go Bangkok

Two months ago, kennysia.com reader Joshua submitted this photo for the ‘Eat A Chip Like Kenny Sia’ contest.

And just like that, Joshua won himself an all-expense-paid trip to Bangkok.
Isn’t it awesome being a kennysia.com reader?

Contest winner Joshua with friend Boo Leong, wearing their very ‘salah’ T-shirts that say “I SCORED LAST NIGHT”

As part of his prize package, Joshua got to bring his friend Boo Leong along for the trip. To top it off, each of them received a tidy sum of baht for their shopping at in Bangkok.
All of these are fully sponsored by the good guys at Mister Potato.

We had just returned from Bangkok and what blast we had at the Land of Smiles.
It was an interesting experience not just for them, but for me as well because it’s the first time I acted as a tour guide to two people I have never met before.
Before this, the only experience I had in travel-planning was as the designated driver among my friends whenever we go overseas. It’s a miracle how I always managed to get them back in one piece.

Mister Potato was being awfully nice as our sponsor.
Before I departed for Thailand, they couriered to my house one whole stack of Mister Potato T-shirts, FIFTEEN tote bags and TWO huge cartons of Mister Potato chips.
We had, what can only be described as “Mister Potato Palooza” in Bangkok. There were so much potato chips in our possession that we felt the need to share the love and spread them around like diseases in Patpong’s naughty bars.

Our adventure in Thailand begins at the Bangkok Suvarnabhumi (pronounced “Sue-Wanna-POOM!”) International Airport.
After picking Joshua and his friend Boo Leong up from the airport, we proceeded to check into our guesthouse in Silom – the fabulous but horribly-named Lub d Bangkok.

Don’t be fooled by its name. Lub d Bangkok is not the brand of some dodgy lubricant.
It is actually one of the best cheap guesthouses I have ever stayed at anywhere in the world. Not only is it located right smack in the middle of Bangkok downtown, it is also comfortably air-conditioned, tastefully decorated and spotlessly clean.
Lub d Bangkok is also close to the dodgy go-go bars of Patpong, but that is not the point. The only thing dirty about Lub d is the price. At RM50 per person, it is dirt cheap!
Joshua and Boo Leong has never been to Bangkok before, so we wasted no time to take the boys to their first tourist attraction here.

The Calypso Cabaret Ah Gua Show!

As soon as we were shown our seats, we were treated to 2 hours of non-stop dancing and lip-syncing so good that it puts to shame Lin Miaoke’s performance at the Beijing Olympics 2008 Opening Ceremony.
For two boys who have never seen a tranny show before, Joshua and Boo Leong were terribly confused how the guys performing on stage can look so much like girls.

I told them that it’s the result of a lot of breast implants, heavy make-up and plastic surgery.
Granted, some have their hormone injection worn off a long time ago.

But a lot of them look hot enough to make us question even our own sexuality.

Tickets to Calypso Cabaret aren’t cheap at 1,000 baht (RM100) per person, but it is worth it because it’s still one of the best shows in town.
Some of the dances incorporated cultural elements from Japan, Korea, Spain and they are all very tastefully done.

Another thing I like about Calypso Cabaret is that after the shows, the ladies ladyboys were nice enough to all line up at the side of the theatre, so that guests can take photos with them. Unlike at other places, they do not charge extra for photography.
Knowing the controversy that I managed cooked up last year, the boys were initially a bit careful about taking photos with them.

But with the help of potato chips, I think they broke the ice and warmed up to each other pretty quickly.
Surprisingly, the ladyboy did not suggest to us “you bring me to hotel, I show you good time.” Instead, all she asked was our can of Mister Potato, which we’re more than happy to oblige.

It was pretty late when the show finished, so after randomly browsing the night markets, we retired back to our hostel to rest.

Next morning, the boys woke up early and I took them for a tour down to the cultural and historical centre of Bangkok. Keen to avoid the notorious Bangkok jam, we took the sky train and a ferry ride down the Chao Phraya River.
A moment later, we arrived at the Grand Palace – the former residence of the Thai monarch.

Tickets to the Grand Palace cost 300 baht (RM30) each.
For that price, we also got to enter the amazing Wat Phra Kaew temple.

Inside that monolithic and intricately decorated structure, is the disappointingly miniscule Emerald Buddha. No pictures because cameras are not allowed.
We ogled at the tiny Buddha image for a while, until Boo Leong suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and saw a security guard pointed towards his feet.
Apparently Boo Leong sat on the floor with his legs pointing forward towards the Buddha, and in Thailand, pointing your feet towards anyone is akin to giving them a finger. He apologised and meekly tucked his legs away.

At the Palace Gardens, the boys admired some amazing ancient Siamese architecture.

Came face to face with giant statues scary enough to scare my undies off.

Even fed the royal guard dogs some Mister Potato chips.
How considerate.

A short walk away from The Grand Palace is Wat Pho, one of the oldest Thai temple.
Wat Pho is home of the largest Reclining Buddha in Bangkok. Unlike the tiny Emerald Buddha we saw earlier, the Reclining Buddha here is bigger than King Kong.

It’s difficult not to be in awe by the grandeur and majesty of the golden reclining Holy Buddha. There’s so much gold in here that our eyes are instantly blinded.
As we walked out of the building, a funny incident happened.

Outside Wat Pho temple, we met this old uncle whose job I think was to give instructions at tourists in their home tongue. All day long, all he did was asking them to queue up and take off their shoes before entering the temple.
The uncle was clearly very impatient, flaring his temper a few times at a few hopeless British tourists who took longer than usual to remove their shoes, thus holding up the queue.
As we watched in amusement, suddenly I had this idea of offering a can of Mister Potato to the uncle.

Turned out that the old uncle has a very good sense of humour.
When we offered him some Mister Potato, he took the whole can, waved goodbye to us and pretended to walk away.

We didn’t even had the chance to tell him that we actually wanted to offer him the whole can!

But we did, and it warmed our hearts to know that we made his day. All it needed to cheer him up was a can of potato chips.
The old fella was clearly very appreciative of our gesture. Before we left the temple, they asked if we’re looking for massage. I thought why not? I read that traditional Thai massage is born in Wat Pho. After a whole day of walking under the hot sun, it’s about time to let someone else stretch our legs.
The uncle then directed his 9-year-old daughter to direct us to the cheapest Thai massage place outside the tourist traps. We thanked him and followed his daughter’s lead into a quiet massage shop tucked inside the Amulet Market.

After making sure the massage shop we’re visiting is not the kind that includes “happy endings”, I approached the owner and ordered the boys a one-hour traditional Thai massage.
The boys were shown into a curtained cubicle, where they changed into what seemed like oversized hospital grubs.

Joshua has never been to a Thai massage before, and he clearly had no idea what he was in for.
As the petite Thai masseuse instructed him to lie on the mattress, Joshua casually munched on a can of Mister Potato thinking that he’s in for a relaxing soothing massage.

How wrong was he.
Over the course of the next 60 minutes, the little Thai lady used all her might to punch, whack, twist, snap and pulverise the living shit outta Joshua Chng.

For a moment there, the boys were worried if they were gonna be bent into human pretzels.
By the end of their session, Joshua and Boo Leong were speaking Thai words they never knew they could, most of which includes excruciating yells of “Arggghh!!!” and “Owww!!!” and “HELP MEEEE!!!”

It’s a miracle they managed to walk out of the shop alive.
It was late afternoon when we’re finished and by then, the sweltering heat has died down considerably.

We wanna make the most out of Old Bangkok before we leave, so we took the ferry (3.5 baht or 3 5sen) cross-river to the old Thai capital of Thonburi where the Temple of Dawn Wat Arun is located.
Wat Arun is unlike any of the other wats we had visited. For one, this temple is not covered in gold.

It is also not overcrowded by tourists and hence we get to enjoy it as a more leisurely pace.
The central spire is tall and built like a pyramid. There are steep staircases running up the central spire, which you can climb and be rewarded with a bird’s eye view of Bangkok’s most beautiful temples.

The temple grounds of Wat Arun are just as interesting.

Littered alongside the walkways are plenty of fascinating statues.
And they all seem to enjoy a certain brand of potato chips very much.

Anyway, we were all wat-ed out by the time we’re through with Old Bangkok.

After sunset, I brought the boys to MBK, where we had dinner and some light shopping under the comfort of some much-needed airconditioning.
But before we called it a day, there’s only one more place on our itinerary that we needed to go.

The world’s tallest rooftop bar is located just 5 minutes down the road from Lub d Bangkok. After hearing so many good things about it, we just HAD to visit the elusive Sky Bar.
Drinks here are expensive at 200 baht (RM20) a pop.

But with views THIS spectacular, you simply cannot put a price tag on it.
It is so spectacular here that when you overlooking the city lights of Bangkok, you can’t help but think of yourself as Batman.

After we left the Sky Bar, our sightseeing part of Bangkok has finally came to an end.
We checked out of Lub d Bangkok on the morning of Day 3, but not before rewarding the helpful receptionist with a bag of Mister Potato.

And while we’re at it, we spreaded the Mister Potato love to some ang moh tourists as well.

You can see that she’s impressed with the size of Joshua’s can.
Even the tuk tuk driver who drove us around wasn’t spared from the love of Mister Potato.

Well, after two days in hostel accommodation, I decided to upgrade the boys to grand luxury and put them up at the spacious President Solitaire Serviced Apartment on Sukhumvit Soi 11.

From there, we took the Sky Train to visit the monolithic Chatuchak Weekend Market, where we had yummy mango sticky rice for breakfast.

I gave the boys 8,000 baht (RM800) shopping money on behalf of Mister Potato, and then I gave them a mission.
To conquer Chatuchak Market!

As the boys go off shopping in amongst the 15,000 stalls there, I finally found some time to my own.
It was then that I discovered the most fantastic beef soup noodle at this stall called Boat Noodles inside JJ Plaza.
You can tell a food stall is good when the seats inside are all filled to the brim with locals.

The seating arrangement is cramped to say the least, but that does not deter the patrons from coming in, order a bowl, and helping themselves with spices and freshly-plucked mint leaves on the table.
Boat Noodles certainly did not disappoint.

It may not look like much, but this stall sells the freshest, most delicious noodle soup I have ever tasted in Bangkok.
It was so good, my mouth still salivates thinking about it right now.
After one whole day of non-stop shopping, the boys finally returned with their loot from Chatuchak Market. They had spent all the 8,000 baht I gave them, and then some.

Four days in Bangkok whizzed by pretty quickly when you’re having fun.
Just when we’re just getting used to good food, cheap massages, bargain shopping and the hospitality of friendly locals, it is time for us to big farewell to fabulous Bangkok.

But not before we attempted something so adventerous, it could only be done in Thailand.
One late night, with our empty stomachs protesting, we took it to the streets to hunt for some late night supper.
I thought we’re just gonna go for mamak stalls or 24-hour McDs, but what we encountered literally shocked the Tom Yum out of my guts.

Parked innocently on the side of Sukhumvit Road, is a push cart vendor that selling of all things, INSECTS for supper!
No kidding.

In other countries, restaurants could shut down and the owners hauled to jail if these bugs were found inside restaurants.
In Bangkok however, these insects are considered a DELICACY.
For just 20 baht (RM2), we got ourselves a bagful of very crispy deep fried grasshoppers.

Our late night snack

Although initially apprehensive, the boys seemed to have no problems gobbling down fried insects. They literally just broke the limbs off and popped it into their mouths as if they were eating potato chips. Except potato chips don’t come with legs.
Myself, on the other hand, took a little bit of courage. Yes, I ate snake heart before. But swallowing grasshopper is a whole new different ball game.

But I took a deep breath, popped it in my mouth, and swallowed the damn thing anyhow.
So how did it taste like?
I must admit, it didn’t taste as foul as I thought it would be.
With the heavy masking of lard and soy sauce, fried grasshoppers actually tasted quite alright. The texture may take a bit of getting used to, but I say it’s very similar to munching on IKAN BILIS. Just don’t expect to see it on your nasi lemak anytime soon though.

Well, given a choice between fried grasshoppers and Mister Potato, I think I still prefered BBQ flavoured potato chips ANYTIME.

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Thief Caught On Camera

I had wanted to post this up earlier but my friend didn’t let me. She said it’s too heartbreaking.

This happened last year, at a store called Milky Lane in Pavilion KL shortly after its grand opening. This friend of mine and I were sitting in store having coffee when her bag was mysterious stolen from right under her nose. Inside her bag was all her personal belongings including her latest paycheck, new phone and some jewellery.
She placed her big bag on the floor next to her chair while we sat back facing the entrance. That’s when a dodgy Chinaman entered and swiped her bag away without anyone of us noticing. Lucky for him. If he were caught red-handed, I bet ya he’d be walking out of Pavilion with his testicles hanging from his teeth.

We notified mall security immediately when we realised her bag was stolen. As expected, they were sympathetic but they couldn’t do much. All they did was offering her a shoulder to cry on.
A quick check with the store’s CCTV recordings revealed the modus operandi of the thief in action.

The moral of the story is: buy insurance.

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Herbal Medicine For Hair Growth

Despite my apparent young age, I unfortunately have an embarrassing hair loss crisis.

It’s difficult to hide my shame every time I go to my hairdresser, only to have him shake his head and tell me, “Kenny, your hair is getting less and less. What’s going on? You’re only 26!”
It’s not like I didn’t try to find a cure. I bought a tonic solution that I have to rub into my head every night, but I got lazy after applying it for a few months.

Then I went to consult a doctor about this.
The doctor, who thinks I’m a primary school student, told me that I have too much male testosterones, which is causing of my hair loss.
Apparently, being too much of a man is a bad thing.

He also got me on this pill called Propecia. Some of my hair grew back after taking them continuously for about a year, but I stopped because each month’s supply costs me a ridiculous RM180, and I reckon RM180 could be spent on better things than growing hair.
Not long after I stopped Propecia, my hair stopped growing along with it.

So I was in Bangkok this past weekend when I spotted this signage at a market. Beneath a whole bunch of Thai alphabets, it says in English “HERBAL MEDICINE – HAIR GROWTH”.
Interesting. It’s definitely something worth trying.
Then I took a peek inside the shop, and saw this photo of the inventor.

This, my friend, is what happens when you have a taste of your own medicine and it’s TOO BLOODY EFFECTIVE.

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ADV: Unsolved Mystery Of The Slurpees

Has anyone spotted this?

Apparently, the 7-Eleven at my local joint has a Slurpee machine that is serving something so mysterious they don’t even know what it is.

Aptly named Mystery Flavour 1 and Mystery Flavour 2, it looks curious enough to stop me in my tracks.
Now, who is crazy enough to buy a Slurpee when they’re not even sure what they’re gonna get?

Me, of course!
Gotta love the Slurpee. This frozen slushy drink is an absolute God-sent during hot and humid days. At just RM1.50, it’s even cheaper than most canned drinks at 7-Eleven. To top it off, it’s actually pretty fun to do-it-yourself and operate the Slurpee machine.
Because you pay for the cup, the aim is to pour maximum Slurpee into a fixed-sized cup.

There’s a special technique you gotta do if you wanna achieve that.
The trick is to put the rounded cap on first before bringing it to the dispenser machine.
That way you can fill your cup up all the way up past its prescribed cup size. And while the Slurpee is pouring, it’s a good idea to continually jiggle the cup so the slush could settle and allow you to fill up more.

The 7-Eleven Mystery Slurpees comes in two mysterious flavours. The purple-coloured one is named Mystery Flavour 1.
It is not bad, but it gotta say, it tastes suspiciously like blackcurrant. There’s almost like a Ribena-like taste to it.

The yellow-coloured one is named Mystery Flavour 2.
Perhaps otherwise more commonly known as mango. The tropical fruity taste is quite unmistakable, but I may be wrong.

Yes, the flavours of those two Mystery Slurpees are unfortunately not very mysterious.
Well, this is all part of the campaign to get people to join the 7-Eleven Mystery Flavour Slurpee contest and cast their votes for their favourite flavour.

Try both flavours, vote your favourite and mail in your receipts before the deadline of 5th October. Because if you’re one of the lucky 1,000 winners, you’ll score an awesome gift.
I hear you asking, what exactly is the prize?

Dunno, because that’s a mystery too!
In the contest form, you’ll also be given a chance to name your favourite Slurpee. And this is where you can get creative.
Whatever you do, just don’t try to be like me and give smart-alec answers.

If liddat confirm sure lose one.

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Battle Of The Chief Ministers

The only thing missing in the lead up to the live debate between the current and the former Penang Chief Ministers next week, is this.

The Official Guan Eng vs Tsu Koon Betting Sheet

Lim Guan Eng

Koh Tsu Koon
Odds Bet Amount Odds Bet Amount
First To Speak 1.9 RM 1.9 RM
First To Stutter And Stammer 4.6 RM 1.7 RM
First To Shout At Opponent And Lose His Cool 5.2 RM 1.3 RM
First To Make Personal Attack Against Opponent 1.8 RM 2.5 RM
Loudest Applause From Audience 1.8 RM 2.5 RM
Stutters The Most 4.6 RM 1.7 RM
Speaks Beyond Allocated Time Limit 1.01 RM 1.0001 RM
Purposely Avoid Answering Difficult Questions 2.5 RM 1.8 RM
Wears A Suit Three Sizes Too Big 1.02 RM 54.6 RM
Secretly Looks At Written Notes The Most 1.51 RM 4.2 RM
Most Attempts At Lame Jokes 4.6 RM 1.7 RM
Most Insincere Smile 3.2 RM 1.5 RM
Sweats The Most 1.4 RM 4.3 RM
Most Animated Hand Gestures During Speech 6.4 RM 1.2 RM
Overall Debate Winner
(No Handicap)
1.01 RM 258 RM
Overall Debate Winner
(Guan Eng Give Half Ball, Tsu Koon Eat)
1.3 RM 2.4 RM

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This is not an advertorial, this is something awesome.

It is no secret than I’m a fan of adidas.
I like their shoes, I like their sportswears, I like the fun bunch of people who work there. Other sports brands have approached me before, but I turn them down because I genuinely like adidas stuff and I enjoy wearing them.

My shoe cabinet is filled with many pairs of their shoes.
Among them, my favourites are the Bounce I wear to gym, the Supernova I wear for my training runs and the adiZero CS that I will wear for my upcoming two marathons in Kota Kinabalu and Singapore.
It’s cool to have so many pairs of sports shoes, but recently I acquired a new pair of adidas that has firmly secured its place as my number one favourite shoes.

My very own custom-made adidas!
They call it mi-adidas. As far as I know, adidas Pavilion KL is the only store in the whole of Malaysia that allows you to personalise your own shoes.

Getting your own custom-made shoes cost around RM600, depending on the design. That works out to be about RM200 dearer than those mass-produced shoes.

The way mi-adidas works is pretty impressive. To get started, I need to make an appointment with adidas Pavilion.
The process begins with a member of the adidas sales staff precisely measuring my feet using this nifty piece of feet-measuring device.

As soon as I stepped on it, the motorised red scanners start moving around my feet like something out of a James Bond movie.
The device measured my feeet and according to the computer, my left foot is US 9.5 and my right foot is US size 10.
Hey, I never knew that my two feet are not symmetrical.

Anyway, I was told my feet are pretty big for a Chinese. And you know what they say about men with big feet? 😉
They wear big shoes.

Not only does the computer measure the size of my feet, it measures my footprint as well. This is to determine the best form of cushioning for my feet.
The red part shows which part of my feet I put the most pressure at.

Apparently, I’m more heavy towards the right hand side.
Again, I have no idea why that’s the case. Maybe my balls on the right hand side is heavier than my left.
So the sales person fed all these information into the computer. Then, it’s time to choose which shoes I wanna personalise.

mi-adidas is only available on certain running, basketball and tennis shoes.
I went for the adidas Barracuda tennis shoes ‘cos although I don’t play tennis, it’s got the most striking design out of all the choices available.
Besides, if I’m gonna wear my custom-mades, I’d wear it more for looks than sports.

The adidas sales staff guided me to select different design and colours for the shoes to my liking.
I designed my shoe based on my two favourite colours of dark blue and white, which if you noticed, are kennysia.com‘s official colours. 😉 I also added a touch of silver and gold for a more futuristic look.
This is my final design.

Almost every single portion of the shoe can be customised, from the skin, to the lining, to the laces and the soles. You can even print your name on it or put your country flag if you wanna.
No need to worry if your colour coordination skills sucks. The computer is able to give a 3D sample of what the shoe would look like in the end.

Once I’ve confirmed, they print out my design and I signed off the order.
That’s it!

All that’s left is to play the waiting game whilst the boffins at the adidas factory work around the clock to create my shoes. Four weeks later, I just pick them up from adidas Pavilion KL.
Behold, the custom-made kennysia.com Barricade!

Mine is the blue one, not the pink one.
Check it out. It’s even got my name on it, so no one would be able steal it and claim it as their own.

Nice eh?
(Hahaha! Geddit? “Eh” in Hokkien means shoes. Nice “eh”! Hahahaha!)
(Ok fine, it’s not very funny.)

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Whatever Doesn’t Kill You Simply Makes You Stranger

Sorry to all you haters out there.

But you dickwads gotta get your facts from more credible sources before you all start bashing me.
If you do things without integrity, then I don’t owe you an explanation. If you’re too coward to meet me face to face, then I don’t owe you an explanation. If you’re not a genuine friend or family of mine, then I most definitely do not owe you a freaking explanation.
My life is not for your entertainment, so feel free to kiss my arse and fuck off.

Now that that’s out of the way, regular kennysia.com postings will resume shortly after this entry. 🙂

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