A Practical Joke Gone Wrong

Update #1: Curtis replied.
Update #2: ‘Su Ku Kia’ in my language means ‘Silly Boy’. Nothing malicious. Something 8-year-old kids would use to insult each other.
Curtis Gropp has been following my blog for quite some time now. He’s always faithfully leaving comments eventhough he’s one of those who falls outside the category of “kennysia.com‘s expected audience”.
I used to be naive enough to believe that the average kennysia.com reader is likely to from Malaysia, Chinese, and somewhere between 15 to 35 years old. But after learning that even my stupid blog was routinely mentioned in Harvard University’s Global Voices Online, I think I’ll believe in just about anything.
Curtis is nothing like my stereotypical kennysia.com reader. He is 39 years old, an ang moh, hails from Huntington Beach, California, a proud and patriotic American, a former marine, and apparently a Hong-Kong action movie aficionado.
A few weeks ago, Curtis left a comment in one my entries.

I’d like to have a Chinese name. How do you say “8-inch penis”?

Posted by: Curtis G. at June 9, 2005 12:54 AM

To which I replied:

Curtis G, hey I enjoy giving out Chinese names! Anyway in Chinese, “8-inch penis” is called “Su Ku Kia”. But I doubt you can pick up any Chinese girls when you go “Hi! My name is Su Ku Kia.” Chinese girls aren’t used to that kind of straight forwardness you know?

Posted by: Kenny at June 9, 2005 03:25 AM

Fast forward a few days later. I completely forgotten about what I said to him, and I was puzzled as to why he signed off differently nowadays.
He even went as far as to use his newfound Chinese name to comment on other blogs.

From ShaolinTiger.com

Oh dear. What have I done?
Should we tell him or should we just let him suffer in silence?

Bloggers.SG – Singapore Bloggers Convention 2005

This is a much delayed recap of the Bloggers.SG Singapore Bloggers Convention that happened 2 weeks ago. Delayed because you-know-I-know-what-happened lah.

Tomorrow in the Sunday Times. Pun not intended.

Remember when I wrote about what I thought the bloggers convention would be like?
I have to say – I didn’t initally plan on attending the convention at all. My previous trip to Singapore before then was merely 3 weeks ago, and sadly my bank account experienced a severe drought after that trip. No money, can’t do anything.
That was, until the venerable mr brown dropped me an official invitation, compliments of SHINE, asking me to attend the convention on behalf of the Malaysian blogosphere. Jeff Ooi and minishorts were invited as well, but too bad they had to turn it down. Sucks, because they didn’t know what they missed out on.

So anyway, on Friday the 15th July, I flew from Kuching to Johor Bahru via AirAsia (saving some RM500 in the process) and took a ‘Smiling Bus’ down to Singapore. Meanwhile, I sent a message to mr brown asking him which Hotel 81 branch I was supposed to be staying at.
mr brown: “We’re putting you at the Swissotel at Stamford, man. Its near City Hall MRT and just next to Raffles City Shopping Centre.”
Kenny: “THE SWISSOTEL? You’re kidding right? Too generous, mb!”
mr brown: “No worries, man. Its peanuts to us.”

I asked for a hotel and they put me in heaven.

Can I just say, Swissotel is the bomb.

Let me say that again. Swissotel is THE BOMB.

Talk about getting a total VIP treatment. The room was spacious, the interior decor was tasteful done and the harbour view on the 43rd floor is simply spectacular.

Giant fly hiding underneath the surface of Singapore, waiting for the right time to lay the smack down on those puny humans.

There’s nothing like going to bed with the city’s night lights, and waking up to sunny Singapore skyline. Meanwhile, minishorts is in KL ,sacrificing her weekend, pulling her hair out, desperately trying to finish her projects.

When I opened to door to my balcony, I finally understood why SPG prefered hotels over HDBs.

My Friday night was spent catching up with chio bu Apple Lim at Orchard, and having a few rounds with Big Fuck, Postmaster General and the very beautiful Linda Chia at The Hideout.

Saturday. 16th July 2005.
The day of the convention.
I foolishly underestimated the time required to travel from City Hall to Woodlands and arrived at the Woodlands Regional Library 30 minutes late – completely missing out on XiaXue‘s presentation.
I tried to reason with her. But she obviously wasn’t too happy about it.

It was also there at the morning session that I finally came face to face with the great mighty Zeus himself.
The blogging workshop presented by XiaXue, mr brown and Preetam was aimed towards would-be bloggers who wished to know how to get one started, and also to parents and teachers who might not know much about the blogging phenomenon.

The atmosphere was a bit lecture-ish for my liking, but I reckon the presenters were all very professional and effective in getting the message across. Take into account mr brown was ill, and Wendy didn’t sleep till 4am in the morning. I prefer their style of presentation here compared to their afternoon session actually. The three of them certainly did a good job dispelling the myths and paranoia the elder generation have towards blogging. My only regret was that my anti-blog mom wasn’t there to listen to it.

When that’s over, its another 45 minutes from Woodlands all the way back to the Esplanade.
Our conversation in the car went something like this.
Wendy: I very tired leh. I slept at 4 in the morning.
Wendy: *yak yak yak…*
Wendy: Can I sleep in the car? I sleep the car hor.
Wendy: *yak yak yak yak yak yak yak…*
Wendy: Are we there yet?
Wendy: *yak yak yak…*
Wendy: So tired… wanna sleep…
Wendy: *yak yak yak yak yak…*
Kenny: Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?

The DXO Nightclub was the perfect location for hosting the Bloggers.SG Convention. I shudder to think what it would be like if the organizers stuck to their original plan and held it at the library instead. I think the organizers wanted a casual and relaxed environment without it being too distracting for the panelists talking on the dancefloor, and DXO certainly did that for them.

I’m also very impressed by the level of security provided courtesy of the Singaporean Army. I think the Singaporean government must have understood how us bloggers were putting our lives at risk by congregating in such a concentrated venue. Hey, you never knew if some anti-blog lunatic was gonna turn up and threaten to blow us bloggers all into smithereens. With machinegun-toting army men surrounding our perimeter, I see little chance of that happening.

Upon arrival, I was introduced to the many other volunteers and organizers of the event, some I heard of, like Agagoogaa, Tinker Tailor; some I read, like Barffie. These are elves working hard behind-the-scenes ensuring the convention ran as smoothly as possible. I was pleasantly surprised by their enthusiasm and the dedication they put into this project, like its their baby. They absolutely do not want anything to go wrong with it.
Outside, a line was already forming.

2pm. Doors opened. Within moments the entire venue was buzzing with bloggers, blog readers, and media people alike. Before I knew it, there were camera flashes going everywhere, people saying “That’s Kenny!”, and a few even asked me for my autograph. There are people who told me which of my past entries they like best. The euphoria I experienced at that moment was indescribable. I’m just a normal Kuching boy, but I felt like a celebrity!

Thanks Owen.

It was still a little difficult to get used to. People were taking photos of me standing up, sitting down, scratching my balls doing nothing. Everything I do sure kena scrutinised one.

Its a press conference style set-up. Panelists talk on stage whilst an irc chat projected on the big screen was running in the background.

I must have done around 4-5 interviews that day alone. I had another opportunity to talk to Straits Times reporter Melissa Lwee, who I remember as the person who once called me on IDD, conducted an interview with me for one whole hour, then wrote only TWO sentences on me when the story finally came out.

Huh? What’s this… IBM PC thing you’re talking about?

mr brown hosted a large chunk of the afternoon talking about the Singaporean blogosphere in general and the little blogging communities were all given a chance to introduce themselves. I chipped in there and talked about how similar the make-up of the Malaysian and Singaporean blogospheres are, and finished my spiel plugging Project Petaling Street.

Kenny: “So, that’s all… any questions?”
Girl #1: *raise hand* “Will you marry me?”
Kenny: “…”
Girl #2: *raise hand* “Can you show us your Dickonosaurus?”
Kenny: “!!!”
Singaporean girls are very very friendly.

The technology and law portions of the talk unfortunately weren’t as engaging, but at least the ladies on the floor had fun watching Mr Miyagi and lawyer Tan Min Liang. By then, some of the audience had already gone to the back and mingle around with friends or play with remote-controlled tanks on the 2nd floor. Rest assured, they all rushed back when they heard the bellydancers are about to perform.

The Bloggers.SG Convention successfully drew to a close with a very impressive display of fireworks over the Singapore River, proudly sponsored by the Singaporean government. I think that’s to signify the “explosive impact” Singaporean bloggers have made within the country and around the world.

The evening was more of a casual chat and mingle session where the bloggers have a chance to bond over alcohol and get to know each other a little better. For me, I just enjoyed finally putting names to the faces.

With mr brown

Carrie and Adri are proof that life is unfair. If life is fair, these two sweet-looking girls wouldn’t be lesbians. Therefore, life is unfair.
[Edit: mb just informed me that Carrie is straight. Life is fair again.]
And if you haven’t yet realised, portions of this entry were fictionalised. I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure that out right?

With Carrie and Adrianna of popagandhi.com

For many many other photos, click here.
The Singaporean blogosphere ought to be congratulated for successfully holding their first ever Bloggers convention. I reckon they all did a wonderful job. I take my hats off to them, and they took their tops off for me.
Hope to be back soon, Singapore. Thanks for the mammaries!

Aunty Susan

Thanks to the people who mailed me asking how to donate. Here’s how:
1. REGISTER as a sponsor.
2. PLEDGE your donation (in US dollars please).
3. Send your money DIRECT to the Hospice-At-Home Program via money order, cheque or teletransfer.
Anything else, let me know. πŸ™‚

Bear with my short texty entry as I wasn’t planning to update today at all.
In case you haven’t noticed that big maroon ‘Blogathon’ button on the right, here’s the deal.
Myself, minishorts, Paul Tan, Peter Tan, Shaolin Tiger and Suanie are lazy arse morons.
See, we couldn’t be fooked peeling our butts off our chair to run in some bullshit marathon races and raise fund for charity. Besides, if we were to run, we’d probably fall so far behind the group, the organizers would’ve packed up and left by the time we crossed the finishing line.
That’s why we settled for something that does not require us executing our butt muscles – sitting on the computer chair, blogging. Our collaborative blog is located at BloggersAreMorons.com and we are participants of the 2005 Blogathon for charity.
You can help us out by registering to be our sponsor first, then click here to pledge your donation. All funds raised from our effort will go to the Hospice-At-Home program by the National Cancer Society, Penang. Then on 9pm, 6th August to 9pm, 7th August, log on to BloggerAreMorons.com and watch us talk cock for 24 hours straight. We’ll make sure both you and I have a good time baby.
Now you can truly say, bloggers have no life.

From my entry in BloggersAreMorons.com

“You probably think that sheÒ€ℒs doing all these because its her job.
Aunty Susan was doing all these OUTSIDE her scope of work. Knowing my fatherÒ€ℒs condition, she would leave work at 6pm, come to my place at 8pm, leave at 9:30pm, then drive 1-hour out of Kuching to this town called Serian to care for another patient before returning home by 12 midnight and get herself a proper rest.”

Read the rest of my entry here.

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Red Ferrari Spotted in Kuching

I was walking past some shoplots this morning when I spotted this seeming innocent-looking car parked by the side.

On closer inspection, I realised this isn’t your average lau-ah-pek car you can find in Kuching.

Check out that famous black and yellow emblem on the front of the car.

Yes. The unmistakable signature of a true Scuderia Ferrari Italian sports car. I saw it right here, in Kuching, parked next to a kopitiam selling RM2 kolo mee.
I’m curious to know who the owner of the Ferrari is. After all, authentic sports cars are a rare sight in Kuching, let alone a true Ferrari sports car.
Lucky for me, I didn’t have to wait too long for the owner to return to his vehicle.

Look, its Michael Schumacher!

Apparently, Michael Schumacher is in Kuching on an official business. I had a short conversation with him and he said he was here to attend an exclusive car show. Funny I didn’t know about it, else I’d be there to blog about the event.
Michael then pulled a photo album out of his Ferrari to show me. They’re photos from the car show. I spotted a familiar face in there.

That’s my friend Apple Lim on the right, posing next to Michael Schumacher’s Ferrari.

Whoa! Such a coincidence, isn’t it?
Anyway, I don’t know how long Michael Schumacher is gonna be in Kuching, but I have a newfound respect for him after talking to him today. One thing for sure – next time I see that red Ferrari on the grand prix race course, I know who I’ll be cheering.

Go Schumacher, go!

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Finish Your Food

When I was younger, maybe about 4-5 years old, my superstitious grandmother had a hard time trying to get me to finish my food. She’d use all sorts of excuses trying to convince me to swallow every single leftover dish there is on the table.
Grandma: “Quick, finish your food. Don’t you know? Having leftover rice on your plate means next time your wife’s face will have lots of pimples.”
Kenny: “Really?”
Grandma: “Ya. If you leave one grain of rice, she’ll have one pimple. If you leave three grains of rice, she’ll have three pimples.”
Kenny: “Then if I don’t finish the whole plate of rice, her head would become like brocolli is it?”

Come to think of it, I’ve encountered a lot of these dinner-time Chinese superstitions.

– Do not leave the dinner table and wander around doing other things, else you’ll grow up to have a bad attention span.
– Do not stab chopsticks on your bowl of rice as if they’re joss sticks.
– Do not kneel whilst having dinner. I see kids sometimes doing this when they’re eating on the coffee table in front of the TV. To their elders, it means their kids are worshipping the TV, which unfortunately is quite true.
– Do not tap your plate deliberately with your utensils.
– Do not shake your legs while having dinner. It means all your good fortune will be shaken away.

I’m guilty of the last one. I’m born with legs are shaky like a polaroid picture. It’s very bad habit I’m still trying to shake off (no pun intended).
Anyway, I reckon I have pretty good fortune so that superstition must obviously be false. I never believe those superstitious bullshit. If my grandmother were to tell me that shaking your legs would make your legs go hairy, maybe I’d actually listen to her.

My mother is not as superstitious. She has her own way trying to get me to finish my food – by making me feel guilty.
“Finish your food, Kenny. Think of all the malnutritioned children in Bosnia / Nigeria / Ethiopia / [insert name of random poor African nation] who are starving right now if you don’t eat.”
It works everytime. My stomach may be exploding, but I’d still be forcing that last piece of chicken down my throat because dammit, I’m privileged to swallow that piece of chicken, OKAY?!
That probably explains why I’m such a chubby little boy today.
Its only when I grow older that I noticed what a flawed argument my mother had.
Look. Whether I eat that last piece of chicken or let it go to waste, what the hell does it have ANYTHING to do with starving kids in Africa? Why do they even come into the equation? Even if I don’t finish my food, its not like KFC is gonna ship that piece of unfinished chicken all the way to Africa, right?
If you’re already full, stop eating. Why suffer? Don’t feel too guilty about letting half-eaten food go to waste, because anything you swallow after the point of satiation is likely to be stored as fat anyway. (This principle does not apply to anorexic and underweight people btw.)
Which one would make you feel more guilty? Half-eaten food going to waste because you’re full, or an extra inch on your waist because you’re eating more calories than you need? Go to waste, or go to waist?

You think this is a normal RC car. You are so wrong.

If I really want to help those kids, I’d contribute to charity. Join TheHungerSite.com, donate to DoctorsWithoutBorders or something, which I did, and you should.
Why the heck should I let those malnutritioned kids come between me, my chicken, and my path to weight loss?

Its a malnutritioned car!

My mother’s strategy certainly worked on me. Instead of letting good food go the bin, I gorged. Even as my waistline expanded, I gluttonized myself as I ate whatever leftover food there is on the table because dammit… THOSE KIDS IN AFRICA ARE SUFFERING!
Absurdity to the max plus one, I tell you.
There you go. Another myth adults tell children debunked, thanks very much to kennysia.com. πŸ™‚

Face No Evil

KennySia: i have this theory rite
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with a girl, the number of kennysia haters will rise by 10%
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with my hand around that girl, it’ll rise by 20%
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with YOU, it’ll rise by 50%.
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with a topless model, it’ll rise by 100%.
XiaXue: lol
XiaXue: how come mine so much
KennySia: Kenny Sia’s number of haters is directly proportional to how nice the girl and I look in that picture.

A new hater is born after viewing this pic.

XiaXue: people dun like popular people la
XiaXue: simple as that
KennySia: there’s this girl
KennySia: who used to like reading me.
XiaXue: then
KennySia: as soon as i come back from s’pore last time and posted my pics with u
KennySia: the hate comments start coming in
XiaXue: lol
KennySia: now she’s going around leaving anti-kenny messages
XiaXue: doesnt matter
XiaXue: i’m sure there are more people from my blog who ended up liking u, than people who were originally read ur blog now disliking u
KennySia: that’s true.
KennySia: kinda offsets it
XiaXue: people like her
XiaXue: are just flippant
XiaXue: why would u want readers like that
XiaXue: siao one
XiaXue: i also want
KennySia: u got lots eh
XiaXue: i got many messages last time
XiaXue: “i used to like xiaxue, but after she write about city harvest etc i don’t like her anymore”
XiaXue: the most ridiculous was S.H.E

XiaXue: hello?!
XiaXue: i didnt even write bad stuff about them
KennySia: ppl want u to agree with them
XiaXue: i only say that their clothes look like kotex wrappers
XiaXue: which they did
XiaXue: black and white polka dots
KennySia: some ppl are a tad bit sensitive
KennySia: when i wrote about Miss Slovakia’s face looking ‘plastic’
KennySia: she wrote back to me telling me she never had plastic surgery.
KennySia: kns
KennySia: and that kanina Steven Lim left a message on my tag board.
KennySia: asking me to promote him

There you go Steven Lim. You asked for it.

KennySia: wahahaha
XiaXue: yuck
XiaXue: why ur stupid face always got this benign grin one
XiaXue: like those priests kind
XiaXue: must always be caught with a kindly face

My kindly face. And Silly Celly.

KennySia: yaloh
XiaXue: U look like u are about to say
KennySia: hahahaa
KennySia: friend of mine said i have the tai ko (big brother) look.
KennySia: do i really look like someone who’s never gonna do evil stuff?
XiaXue: yes
KennySia: shit
XiaXue: thats why people oppose to u taking photo with spg
XiaXue: lol
XiaXue: if its bigfuck i’m totally fine

‘The Big Fuck’ Joel Tan

XiaXue: poor u
KennySia: yea i am so “blessed”
XiaXue: its not only ur face la
XiaXue: u are not a se (sinister) person
KennySia: thing is
KennySia: i am capable of doing sinister stuff once in a while
KennySia: but ppl dun expect me to do that ‘cos of my face.
KennySia: i look like someone who’s never gonna upset anyone
XiaXue: but u will have people saying u bhb (thick skin)
Now wait a minute. Have I missed something here?
Is there really such a notion that people who look one kind would do some things but not others? That’s stereotype isn’t it? I thought people have learnt a long time ago that looks can be deceiving.

Looks can be deceiving. The Thing, wanking… The Thing, wanking his thing.

“He doesn’t look like the type of guy who would do that kind of stuff.” I hear that a lot. Being born with a kindly face does have its benefits sometimes. I was rarely stopped by the police; I can walk through customs very easily; and people trust me with their babies.
As much as it can be flattering, a lot of times I feel restricted by people’s expectations, simply because of how I look.

“I can’t believe he’s the type who frequents nightclubs.”
“Wah you see he did this and that with this girl that girl so many girls.”
“OMG, he bared his top for the whole wide world to see!”

I can understand where people are coming from. If I look like Robbie Williams and I did what I did, people wouldn’t give two fucks about it at all. At best what I’ll probably hear is, “Ahhh… that’s just Kenny being Kenny, ya know? No big deal.”
The problem is, like Wendy said, I look like a frickin’ priest. And priests don’t pose intimately with girls. They pose intimately with boys.

Feeling dejected, I consulted FaceAnalyzer.com to see if its true that I look like a typical good guy.

Average Honour, average politeness, average sociability, low promiscuity (heh). All in all, I’m pretty much the average joe.
How about the ‘Big Fuck’?

Hail ye Japanese Emperor!

Get this, he’s very polite, doesn’t socialise as much, and VERY unpromiscuous (!). To top it all off, he’s smarter than me, more ambitious than me, and gets paid helluva lot more than I do. This, my friends, is coming from a guy who once posted a photo with his underwear on his head.

Tell me Wendy, who would you rather bring home to your mommy?

There you have it. Looks can be deceiving. I may look like a priest outside, but I’m really a naughty boy on the inside.
Proof that Ayah Pin – Malaysia’s most notorius playboy with ten wives – is innocent.

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Ghost Caught On Tape

A friend of mine who works as a security guard passed me the following CCTV footage, taken at the 4th mile area a few weeks ago. This is the second time it has happened.

Personally I don’t believe in paranormal activities. But neither do I have an explanation for the following phenomenon.

Click to watch the video (5 sec, 272 KB). I did absolutely no other alteration (other than watermarking) to the video clip. Don’t worry, its not one of those prank video designed to shock you out of your pants. πŸ˜‰
Note the white figure following the tail of the motorbike for a split second before it disappeard.

I thought it was smoke, but it certainly doesn’t look like smoke to me. The best I could come up with is that the figure was a reflection of light of some sorts. I’ve checked the area in question, and there were NO reflective surfaces at all. So where did it come from?
Can someone tell me what the hell going on?

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Public Apology

Today was such a bad day. Its not just the car accident, its not just the Siarong incident, but many issues happened at the same time and collectively they took their toll on me.
I wanted to move on and write something new, but there are some things bothering me these past few days and I want to get them off my chest.
I have rubbed many people off the wrong way, and I wish to make my apologies.
Firstly, to my real life friends.
I apologise to IC, for snatching your blades away from you, alerting your parents and then sending you to the hospital when you overdosed on sleeping pills last night after a bad fight with your bf. I honestly feared that you were going to foolishly end your life last night. I’m glad you’re ok now.
I apologise to IC’s bf for my interference. I know she looks up to me but she’s really just a platonic friend of mine. I’m as concerned for her as you are. Please don’t take it the wrong way thinking that I have something against you. Its not true. I respect you.

I apologise to you, MN for keeping my mouth shut about your ex bf. When it happened I didn’t think too much of it. I didn’t tell you because I myself think it was a very small issue and I knew you’re going to make a big fuss out of it. I didn’t keep you in the loop for your own good. Despite its bumpy journey, I was adamant that your relationship was still gonna work out in the end. I’m sorry that it didn’t.
Now, onto the online saga.

I apologise to all my readers who were offended and lost their confidence and respect in me after viewing that particular entry.
I apologise to the non-existent ‘kids’ who were in attendance at the after party. You must have sneaked past the bouncer into an over-18-only dance club with your invisible cloak – the same one Harry Potter used to sneak into the Chamber of Secrets. And I didn’t see you hiding there in the corner. Sorry.
I apologise to those who commented on my relationship as if they knew me. I’m sorry, but who are you?

There are things in my private life I don’t write online: my family, my work, my girlfriend. But just this once I’ll write about my girlfriend.
My girlfriend has seen the picture. I showed it to her. She didn’t think too much about it.
My girlfriend likes Sarong Party Girl. She admits she’s a fan of hers. In fact, I think she reads Sarong Party Girl and Waiter Rant more than she reads kennysia.com. Very sad.

My relationship with my girlfriend isn’t the same as it was compared to say, a year ago. At the moment I have no intentions to move back to Perth and she has no intentions to come live with me in Kuching. We are in a long-term long-distance relationship. I don’t know if we have a future together. Its bleak. We had a long talk about this and we both agreed to “leave it up to fate”. We used to be very possessive of each other, but its been so long we’re apart, our grip has loosen somewhat.
That’s partially the reason why my inhibitions were low when I was in Singapore. Still, when I posed for that photo I don’t think I did anything wrong because it was a spoof. I make NO apologies for that.
I apologise to my girlfriend for breaking my promise not to write anything about her, or about our relationship.

I apologise to Jeff, Mack, Brown, Caleb and especially Michael. I recklessly did something potentially damaging. But you guys were there to stop “the shit from hitting the fan”. I’m sorry. I learnt my lesson. I almost owe you my life. But I cannot do that, so I’ll just chia you coffee instead next time we meet. πŸ™‚
I apologise to those who said I did what I did to attract hits. I’m sorry because you’re wrong.
There’s a lot of people who urged me to write for myself and not for others.
When I put up that post, I did exactly that – I wrote for myself. At the back of my mind, I know there will be moral crusaders who’s not gonna like it. I didn’t care, I still put it up. I wrote it because its a very unusual and out-of-the-ordinary situation that occured. Its not everyday a topless model wants to take a photo with me (I wish), so I think its blogworthy. So I wrote it for MYSELF.

One of my fave bloggers went to Melbourne’s Sexpo and took photos with a topless porn star. Another one put up photos of her friend getting his pubes trimmed, her female friend’s peeing by the roadside (bare bottom and all), and her other friend flashing half her ass to the camera. They were all very cheeky photos, and I thought they were bloody hilarious. NOBODY who commented on their page found them offensive at all.
I didn’t know I’d cause such a reaction because let’s face it – everyone seen hers, everyone seen mine, so what the heck, rite? BUT, I was wrong. The fact that she’s Sarong Party Girl, and the fact that I’m Kenny Fucking Sia changes things. There’s an unwritten rule that when you’re both bloggers with more than 6,000 visitors coming your site everyday, you’re not allowed to do the things we did, no matter how harmless it may seem.
I apologise for taking down that particular post. I’m not going to put it back up. I’ve caused enough trouble.

I apologise to Izzy. I wanted to drop you a mail one of these days to clarify things. The storm has been hard on me these past two days, but thanks for explaining the actual situation on your end. You are the innocent victim in my mistake. I agree, the people who were there found it funny. The humour somehow got lost in translation from life to blog.
I apologise to people who said that my blog isn’t as funny as it was before. You don’t need to tell me that. Even I myself find my own blog is getting boring lately. Then again, this is kennysia.com, not Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. You didn’t pay and expect me to entertain you. That’s not my job. My job is as an IT Manager, and my blog is just something extra. A hobby. I can stop blogging the next day and I won’t owe a single cent to you because I have absolutely no commitment to you at all.

I admit my blog isn’t as interesting as it was before. I admit I’m turning into a Kenny Sia that I don’t know. I wanted to go back to the way I was before, but I can’t. How do you expect me to go back to being funny when critics were firing disheartening attacks against me? At best, it’ll just make me come up with lame, very lame jokes. How can I be expected to make you laugh, when I’m not even laughing myself?
I didn’t change my blog. You did.
Times like these, I need your support. Not for you to kick me in the gut when I’m down on the floor.

When you write for your readers, people say you should write for yourself. When you write for yourself, people say you shouldn’t write this and that. We’re looking at Bloglitics in action here, people. (And to think I coined that word. Oh, the irony.)
I apologise to everyone who sent me encouragement e-mails / blog entries / cheery MSN messages. I’m sorry I can’t reply them all. Just wanted to let you know, you made my turmoil a little easier to get through. Thank you. People like you are golden.

I want to apologise to minishorts and XiaXue.
No, sorry.
I apologise to Claire Khoo and Wendy Cheng.
There’s a difference.
You wrote about your reaction to my entry. You think what I did was wrong, and you disapproved of it. You didn’t hold back with your criticisms. I read your comments about me, and they hurt. They hurt me lot more than what many other people were saying. That’s because I care what you think.
But you were judging me as a friend. Others were judging me as a blogger.
And as a friend, I let you down, I disappointed you, I made you cry. Of course you have every right to be angry at me. And I’m terribly sorry.

There are friends who stick by you and approve of your actions regardless of what they think is right or wrong. Then there are friends who, when you did something wrong, give you a tight slap across your face and ask you to turn back, to wake up.
Claire and Wendy belong to the latter category. They didn’t do it because they hated me. They did it because they love me as a friend and genuinely care for me. In the process, they had to put up with commenters on their blogs who claimed they’re jealous of me / wanted to betray me / or the utterly ridiculous ones like “You complain so much, go pose naked with him lah!”

They didn’t deserve this. I deserved it. Its the trouble I caused. Why do they have to put up with all this bullcrap? Yet, they did. And although they’re majorly disappointed, they STILL find it in themselves to cheer me up over MSN when I went online.
Friends like these, where to find?

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The Saddam Party Girl Controversy

This entry is not-safe-for-work, so make sure your boss, workmates, husband, wife, brothers, sisters, children and doggies are not around you before you continue reading.
If I ever said I’m not a fan of Saddam Hussein, I’m sorry. I take those words back. He’s found a new fan in me after the Iraqi Bloggers Conference 2005.
Saddam Hussein missed all the afternoon session of the conference and turned up only during the after party.

Spider Hole bars are all the rage in Iraq.

I spotted him wearing business suit inside the spider hole of Baghdad’s hippest club, WMDXO at the Esplana-Fallujah. I don’t know if he knows me, so I walked over there and introduced myself.
I’m glad I did. That man just kept giving me surprises after surprises throughout the night.
Kenny: “Hi, I’m Kenny. :)”
Saddam: “Heyyyyyyyy, you’re Kenny! You’re from Kuching right? Guess what? I’m from Kuching too!”
Kenny: “Whoa!”
Surprise #1: Saddam Hussein recognised me.
Surprise #2: Saddam Hussein is from Kuching! Damn, I never read enough of his bio to realise that.

“Excuze me teacher! I want to go to toilet!”

To be precise, Saddam Hussein is born in Tikrit but his parents are from Kuching. But I don’t care, I want to claim him as one of our own. πŸ™‚ Despite him being so controversial, I’m still proud that such an evil dictator like him has roots from my hometown, ok?
Saddam: “You know… I know exactly what your Weapon of Mass Destruction looks like.”
Kenny: “I know what your Weapon of Mass Destruction looks like too!”
Not bad for a conversation starter eh? How I wish I could say that to every evil oppressor I know. πŸ˜‰

Before he found fame as an evil dictator, Saddam worked as a tortoise-fighting plumber for a short while.

We were referring to the ‘UN Weapons Inspection’ crisis when Saddam Hussein vehemothly denied that he possessed stockpiles of Anthrax and VX nerve gas agent. Next thing you know, George W Bush went crazy sending airstrikes and ripped Saddam a new asshole with his cowboy ‘Shock and Awe’ campaigns.
I was amused why George W Bush made a big deal out of this when UN inspector Hans Blix already said that Iraq has no Weapons of Mass Destruction. So I went ahead and e-mailed George Bush a photo of me with my WMDs.
Sad to say, my picture wasn’t as well-received.

Later that evening, in a Saddam Hussein’s secret underground dungeon where many other evil Iraqi generals were congregating…
Kenny: “Hey Saddam, can I take a photo with you?”
Saddam: “Yah, sure!”
Kenny: (to Chemical Ali) “Ali, can you help us take a photo?”
Chemical Ali: “Sure, man.”

Saddam: “You know what would be really funny? I think we should do a photo together showing off our nuclear bombs.”
Kenny: “!!!”
Kenny: “I’ll do it. Are you gonna do it?”
Saddam: “I’ll think about it, but only if you do it first.”
Kenny: “Okay.”


Who said I have two pimples in front of my chest?

I don’t know what happened next but the chatty room full off evil tyrants suddenly turned quiet. VERY quiet.
All I remember was Chemical Ali shaking his head saying “Those nuclear weapons deserve an entire Gulf War on their own, man.”
Chemical Ali’s camera flash went off.
I turned and saw Saddam quickly putting his trousers back on. I reviewed at my camera AND THEN I saw this.

I showed it to Saddam and we burst out laughing our tits off. It felt as if I just shot the cover of my first terrorist-training DVD – “Hairy Potter and the Half Naked Czar”
Chemical Ali walked away in disbelief.
Chemical Ali: “I’ve got only one thing to say about this, man… LET’S GO TAKE OVER THE WORLDDDDD! YEAAHHHHH!!!”

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Miss Tourism Pageant 2005 VideoBlog

I finally managed to compile the video clips I took from the Miss Tourism Pageant 2005 preview show and made it into a videoblog. Its a little long – 30 minutes to be precise.
You would need a player capable of playing WMV files, eg. Windows Media Player. Do let me know if you run into any technical issues and I’ll look into it.
Highlights of the clip include:

The opening dance.
Miss Pakistan‘s excellent Bollywood dance “Sharara-Sharara”.
Miss Singapore‘s “Rolling Dog” Aikido demo.
Miss Malaysia‘s FULL 5-minute-long rendition of the song “Zombie”.
The FULL cocktail dress parade.
The crowning of Miss Damai.

I understand the file is a bit large, so I’ll split the file into small downloadable pieces later. Check back this evening if that’s what you prefer. πŸ™‚
What are you waiting for?
Download Miss Tourism Pageant VideoBlog [128MB]: here. (down) or
Complete Videoblog now available for download here.

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