Category: Thoughts & Musings

Kuching Also Got Handphone Sex Scandal

Word over in Singapore is that a 17-year-old girl named Tammy recorded a video of her having sex with her boyfriend on a handphone.

Damn Ultraman toy in the background gets to see all the action.

As fate would have it, Tammy’s handphone was stolen one fine day and *SHOCK* *HORROR* the 10-minute video of the couple doing the nip-nip-wiggy-wiggy broke out to the hamsap ah peks all over the world through the evil reaches of the Internet.

Overnight, this pretty Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP) cheerleader found herself in a uhhh… compromising position (hehehe) as the latest Internet XXX star with her brand new stage name “Tammy NYP”.
When Nokia build cameras into their handphones, I bet they never intend it to be for this purpose.

Come to think of it, she might as well make use of her new found fame to endorse her school.
As someone who has experience in internet sex scandals (hehe), I honestly pity the poor girl. Say all you want, you gotta admit that she does NOT deserve all this humiliation.
True, she may had a momentary lapse in judgment – everybody does at some point. But exposing the identity of the couple? Come on. The public execution shown on the forums just goes to show how disgusting the humankind is.
I read that even her school is thinking of expelling her to save them some “face”.
See, that’s the kind of thing I don’t understand.

Remember the Nude Squat incident a sometime back? By right, you’d think the police force is gonna kena. But instead the messenger was shot dead, the perpetrator walked away scot-free. “Standard Operating Procedure” they say.
Here, the Handphone Thief got away and Tammy the Victim kena instead. What the fuck right? Maybe next time you can steal an iPod and Steve Jobs will go to jail.
Someone explain to me what kind of logic this is.

Interestingly, something similar happened in sleepy ol’ Kuching around the same time.
At least over here we have the decency not to upload the video onto the Internet and expose the identity of the couple.

Kuching animals damn power, can use handphones to send MMS.

“Animals” aye? 😉
She must be watching the Discovery Channel instead.

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Product Naming for Dummies

Marketing people sucks.

Every now and then these people sit in their comfy offices scratching their balls thinking of new ways to infiltrate their latest “marketing buzzwords” into our vernacular.
That’s not the sad part. The sad part is when these products become popular, every other marketing managers and their dogs begin coming up with similar product names hoping to cash in on their popularity. Problem is, a lot of these product names making little or no sense at all.
I can almost visualise their marketing departments’ thought process in Dilbert-style comics.

Here’s top 3 marketing monikers I find most annoying.
The -360° Suffix

Made famous by: Microsoft
Originally used to mean: A new revolution
Shameless abused by: Yahoo
Examples: Microsoft’s Xbox 360°; Yahoo’s Yahoo 360°.
Name you’ll never hear: MRT 360° – Going Right Back To Where You Started.

The Cyber- Prefix

Made famous by: Cybernetics
Originally used to mean: Through the use of a computer.
Shameless abused by: Cyberjaya – a white elephant trying too hard to be that futuristic world class “intelligent city” it initially set out to be.
Examples: Cyberspace, Cybercafe, Cybersex, Cybercrime, Cyberlaw.
Phrase you’ll never hear: “Kanina Chow Cyber!” – Cuss words coming out from the mouths of Multimedia University students when they failed a major assignment.

The i- Prefix

Made famous by: Apple
Originally used to denote: Connectivity to the Internet, replacing the ubiquitous “e-” prefix during the dotcom boom in the mid 90s.
Shameless abused by: Osim
Examples: Apple’s iPod, iMac, iBook; Osim’s iSymphonic, iDesire, iGallop.
Product you’ll never see: Osim iSuck – The New Vacuum Cleaner From Osim.

That’s just the beginning. I have a feeling that the world isn’t about to move away from the whole “lower-case single character prefix” craze anytime soon.
And it’s getting real iRRitating.

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A Nation of Morons

I have a lot to say about the recent furore over the Prophet Mohammed cartoons which were published in a Danish paper and reprinted worldwide.

I have a lot MORE to say after the Sarawak Tribune, a major local newspaper had its license indefinitely suspended by the government for doing its job by reporting balanced, factual news.
I wrote an entry defending both sides, but I changed my mind and with a click of a button, deleted the said entry and banished my thoughts into the oblivion of my desktop Recycle Bin.
Yep. I decided that I’m not going to say anything about this issue at all.

See, I’ve learnt that by talking about anything remotely related to cultural and religious practices here isn’t gonna help achieve anything but bringing me threats, personal attacks and ISA detentions. And so, I censor myself and shut up. Because hey, it doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is what the big boys in Putrajaya and Bukit Aman think right?
It’s wonderful living in this country. You don’t need to have an opinion, you don’t need to think, you don’t need to speak. You just sit on your damn asses and follow the masses.
Like sheep we are.

I always find it ironic that I a lot more Malay friends and learnt so much about Islamic culture living in Australia than I ever did in my 15 years in Malaysia. I could misinterpreted Muslim customs from time and time, and they’re always nice enough to explain to me without the personal attacks.
We communicate, we compromise, we correct each other. From there, we learn.

You know what’s wrong with this country?
We’re ignorant. We don’t know each other well enough.
Some of us are NOT sensitive enough. Others are TOO sensitive to the point where even the slightest misunderstanding is an opportunity for them to cause an uproar, wreak havoc, and force the victim into career suicide.

If you say something that inadvertently offended a group of people because you’re not careful, EVEN IF THE INTENTION TO CAUSE HARM AND MALICE IS NOT THERE, you’ll be shamed, locked up in jail or violently put away.
That’s the problem with this country. We’re too sensitive, too easily offended, too vindictive. We hardly look at things in context because we’re engrossed in teaching other people a lesson. There’s NO exchange of ideas, NO chance to learn, NO opportunity for compromise. Sometimes you don’t even know what hit you.
You have a mouth, but you can’t speak. The only time you can speak, is when people want you to duck their sicks. If you want to use your mouth for purposes other than ducking sicks, shut up.

We shut up because we don’t wanna offend. We don’t talk about these issues because it’s “sensitive”. And because we don’t communicate, we don’t know. And because we don’t know, over time we become even MORE stupid. This in turn make us even MORE afraid to communicate, which makes us even MORE stupid.
It’s a vicious cycle that’s gonna continue, until the day we become a nation of morons.

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The Four Stages of Life

The Four Stages of Life, according to Leong – a new friend I met recently.
Stage 1:
When you’re born, you are treated like royalty. Your mother spoon feeds you. Your father carries you on his back. When pretty ladies come to visit, they hug you and hold you close to their chests. You have no worries in the world, because every single thing is taken care of just for you.

You are a KING.

Stage 2:
You grow up. You start to have worries. Are the bills getting paid? Does wifey have enough allowance? Is Ah Boy getting fed? You work day and night. Few appreciate what you do, because they see it as your responsibility. You work not for yourself, but for your boss, your company, your family.

You are a BULL.

Stage 3:
You age, and you retire from work. Your kids are all grown up now. They have their girlfriends, boyfriends to go out with. They have go to work, or maybe go overseas to further their education, using your money of course. And what about you? You stay at home everyday, looking at the front door, waiting for your kids to come back home.

You are a DOG.

Stage 4:
Your kids are married now. They have their own family. They have kids. But when they go to work, who takes care of the kids? YOU LAH! Abuden? And so you’re left with entertaining your grandchildren. You lift them up, swing them around, put them on your back, and run around making stupid noises. “Kuchi kuchi kooo~ A booo~ A booo boo boo~”

You become a MONKEY.

These are the four essential stages of life. But for most people, there’s also one last inevitable stage.

You become a PICTURE!

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Back in high school, I was sitting next to this Good Christian Girl. One day, we received our assignments for the week, and upon looking at the questions involved I exclaimed “OH MY GOD!”
Good Christian Girl turned to me in shock and said “You just swore!”
Puzzled, I looked back at her and said “Noleh… I only said ‘Oh My God’. What did you hear?”
“You swore again!” yelled the Good Christian Girl. “You used God’s name in vain.”
I cocked my eyebrows and said “But I’m not Christian…”
“Yes I know, but I feel offended that you insulted my God.”
“Har? I where got insult your God? Relax lah… Jesus!”
“Now you’ve said Jesus’ name in vain!”

I’m gonna put my final words on this long pointless debate that seems to go round and round with no end.
I’m not a subscriber of the Christian faith. I’m not a subscriber of the Islamic faith.
I’m a subscriber of Astro. But that’s besides the point.
My point is, I believe in respecting one another’s religion. By that I mean I CANNOT tolerate people inciting hatred, and I CANNOT tolerate people slurring on a religion or race.
Example: Chinese guys have pencil dicks.

My pencil.

However I also believe in tolerence that works both ways.
If I’m not a subscriber to your faith, am I expected to follow your way of life? Your code of ethics? Of course not.
For a non-Christian to follow the code of a Christian is as absurd as the Singaporean Court following Australia’s book of law!
If I don’t subscribe to Christianity, and I said words like “Oh My God”, which to the majority of the people is fine, then won’t you agree that my Good Christian Girl is guilty of over-reacting?
(Btw, some Christians I know do not masturbate and do not believe in the use of condoms because they believe semen should only be used for breeding babies, otherwise it’s considered murder. Lucky I don’t have to follow their way of life)

By the same token, I am not Muslim so if I use the word “Al**h” in vain, or rear a dog, or play 4D, which again to most people is fine, then am I in the wrong or are you being overly sensitive?
The point again and again is that this is NOT a racial NOR a religious issue. It is about accepting a reasonable level of political incorrectness. It is about you understanding me, me understanding you. It is about accepting the fact that not everyone is going the live the life you want them to live, and not everyone is going to say the words you want your ears to hear.
We have our differences, but we TOLERATE our differences. We don’t ask people to take down posts because you think it offend yourself eventhough most people are fine with it. Just like we don’t stop people from yelling over the microphone at 5am every single morning when most people are still in bed.
We TOLERATE it. And THAT, to me, is the key to harmony.
End of discussion.

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Guide To Buying Gifts For Men

So I was talking to JoyceTheFairy, and she was lamenting to me how difficult it is to buy Christmas gifts for men.

Let’s face it, when it comes to exchanging gifts on Christmas, more often that not, the guys always seem to end up on the losing end. Whether it’s for your boyfriend, your boss, your dad or your bro, a lot of girls are just clueless when it comes to buying gifts for men.
Anyone who’s ever been out birthday shopping with girls would know. Girls, they strut into the shopping centre early in the morning with one thing in mind: hunt down that perfect gift for that perfect guy. Five hours later, they walk out of the shopping centre with 3 pairs of heels, 4 handbags, 2 skirts, 5 tops, two of which have same design but different colour, and NO birthday present for that poor birthday dude.

For far too long, men have endured having to receive crappy presents from girls, only to forcefully put up a weak smile when we unwrap the presents and discover – what a surprise – the FIFTH pair of GODDAMN SOCKS AND BOXERS YOU GAVE US EVERY YEAR FOR 5 YEARS STRAIGHT.
But in the name of maintaining civil harmony, we pretend to be excited just to make you happy. We may not like your presents, but we sure would still like to walk away on our own two feet without medical assistance.

That is why I’m representing the male population of this world to say this: enough is enough. This Christmas, I’ve decided to put together this nifty guide for the girls on how to buy gifts for men.

You can never go wrong with gadgets.
Guys love gadgets. If your guy doesn’t like gadgets, please check if your guy is actually, y’know, a “guy”.

The Best Gadgets This Season:

  • Panasonic Lumix FX9 (~ RM1,600): Compared to Canon’s Ixus, Casio’s Exlim, Nikon’s S series, this is in my opinion the best of the small cameras.
  • Apple iPod Nano (~ RM1,000): Nothing but the iPod. Not Creative. Not iRiver. iPod. You don’t go for Bata when you can get Manolos for a few dollar extra.
  • O2 XDA Atom (RM2,899): The sexiest new PDA phone is as expensive as a notebook, but if my girl buys me this, I’ll be her slave for 5 days 4 nights (inclusive of 5% govt tax and 10% service charge, minibar not included).

It’s pricey, but any man who doesn’t want those as presents is obviously a liar. Besides, you can always share among a few people and split the costs.

If gadgets is out of your budget, get them some quality silk ties.

If most guys are like me, but I find it bloody difficult choosing a proper, corporate-ready tie for work. To me, they all look the same. I tried buying ties on my own. I wore them once or twice, disgusted by my own taste and then went back to wearing the same old ties all over again.
Most girls, I notice, have no problems picking out the hit from the shit.
Where to get good ties:

As a rule of thumb, stay clear from loud or cartoon ties, make sure they are not filmsy and soft to touch, and choose a tone and pattern that best complements his work attire.
Besides, they make great handcuffs in bed.

Ok so you probably cannot afford thousand dollar gadgets, or maybe the guy you’re buying for is in Standard 6 so he probably won’t be wearing any neckties for the time being.

How the heck am I supposed to play with this thing?!

Under NO circumstances should you get him a pair of I-Love-You-You-Love-Me soft toy bears! It may look sweet, but trust me, we honestly don’t like it as much as girls do. Because we can’t play with it! There’s nothing fun with playing with a soft toy bear!
Instead, get him one of this season’s best PC games. Make sure you get original ones ‘cos the pirated OEM versions don’t allow you to play online.

Be careful though, these games are super addictive. You really have to be mentally and physically prepared for him spending less ‘quality time’ with you and more ‘quality time’ with his computer.
Don’t be too surprised if he emerged from his room 3 days later looking like The Undead from World of Warcraft.

Your boyfriend ah?

“But it’s soooooo expensiveeeee!” I hear you say.
Bring you go cinema watch movie, you think the tickets pirated one ah? Drive you here and there, you think petrol free one ah? Take you eat at fancy restaurants, you think our mother cook there ah?
What’s a few thousand dollars compared to all these money love we showered on you this past one year? I rest my case.
Guys, you can thank me later with a nice cold jug of beer.

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“Merry Christmas” Is Another Way Of Saying Screw You

This is ridiculous.
Do you know that in the United States right now, there’s this huge debate going on about the use of the word “Christmas”?

Apparently some people thought it’s offensive and inappropriate to say “Merry Christmas” in public. See, the USA is a multicultural society so there’s a lot of Americans who do not celebrate Christmas by default. Initially, their government bodies and major shopping complexes decided to start using the more politically-correct and all-encompassing “Happy Holidays” or “Seasons Greetings”, which I thought was fine.
And then it happened. Some donkeys came along and said “NO! It is not OK to use the word ‘Christmas’ at all! Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. It has the word ‘Christ’ in it. If you use that you’ll be isolating all the Buddhists, Muslims, Jewish, etc who do not celebrate Christmas at all!”

So they began renaming everything Christmas. The transformation begun from the White House, to schools, to streets, to major department stores like Macy’s etc.
Christian symbols were removed from nativity scenes.
The symbolic Christmas Tree became the Holiday Tree.
If you’re Jewish, it’s called the Hannukah Bush.

If you’re Muslim, it’s called the Allah Plant. (joke by right-wing Conservatives.)

[No. Sorry but I will not remove this picture.
ONE, I am obviously against the Christmas Tree being called anything else other than the ‘Christmas Tree’. ‘Hannukah Bush’ and ‘Allah Plant’ are examples I used to illustrate the ridiculous names people came up with in the name of political correctness.
TWO, the whole point of this politically-incorrect entry is to ask people to stop being so anal about political-correctness.]
You put Christmas Holiday Decorations on your Holiday Tree. You give out Christmas Holiday Cards to friends and families. You make a fool out of yourself during your company’s Christmas Holiday Dinner.
You go to the city to watch Christmas Holiday Lights. You splurge on your credit card doing Christmas Holiday Shopping.
This whole renaming thing is so ludicrous, I’m surprised they haven’t changed Jesus Christ into Bob Holiday.

This is a pair of Christmas balls

Then the inevitable came. Far right religious groups including that blabbermouth Bill O’Reilly began to lambast left right and center anyone who won’t use the word ‘Christmas’. They wrote angry letters, boycotted products, and in true American fashion, threatened to lay the smackdown and sue the candy ass off anyone who disagreed with them.
If you say “Happy Holidays” to a conservative American, don’t be surprised to hear “That’s Merry Christmas to you, bitch!” in return.
What a spectacular way to ruin the Christmas mood.

Come to think about it, living in the United States is like writing for You can’t say anything these days without offending people.
I’m not Christian so I don’t feel obligated to protect the religion. I’m all for accomodating everyone’s beliefs as much as possible and even I can tell that this whole debacle is absurd. It’s amazing to see everyone is trying to ram their beliefs down the opposing camp’s throats with no room for tolerance at all.

If a Christian wishes a Jew “Merry Christmas”, it is an act of goodwill, not a scorn because of conflicting ideas on Jesus Christ. If someone chooses to say “Happy Holidays”, it is still an act of goodwill despite the choice of words. Why are these people getting so worked up? And dammit, gimme back my goddamn Christmas Tree!
The most ironic thing is that even a Muslim country like Malaysia is more tolerant towards the other people’s cultures and beliefs. [2 days after I put up this entry, sadly I no longer feel that way anymore. The commenters pretty much proved that Malaysia is just as intolerant and politically-correct as the USA.]
Till then, Merry Christmas to ALL!

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Harry Potter Is 14 Years Old

So I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, or according the Malay subtitles, Harry Potter Dan Gelas Berapi.

It was good. Umm… make it average lah. I won’t say bad because I reckon the girl who played Cho Chang singlehandedly saved the show.
Maybe it’s just me but I don’t think Daniel Radcliffe make a believable 14-year-old Harry Potter at all.
At age 14, we certainly didn’t have the opportunity to go to school balls. We weren’t even allowed by our parents to have girlfriends because at 14, we were supposed to “concentrate on schoolwork”. The closest thing I had to dancing with a girl was standing up and holding her hands for one friggin hour in class. It wasn’t meant to romantic though – that’s our punishment for not doing our homeworks.

Heck, when I was 14 years old we don’t talk about love and crushes so openly and my female classmates don’t have boobs as big as Hermoine’s. She didn’t even look like that two episodes ago! I don’t know, maybe there’s a scene where Hermoine secretly cast a spell called A-ba-ca-Acup-to-Dcup-bra on herself. Too bad the director had to removed it due to time constraints.
Harry Potter just looks way old and grown up for his age. In fact, in one scene he looked like some Sith Lord from Star Wars.

“Harry Potter and the Revenge of the Sith”

I pity the producers. The casts are all growing up very quickly and the excessive lovey-dovey scenes in the script didn’t help. It’s like watching Dawson’s Creek set in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

  • Harry Potter = James van der beek
  • Ron Weasley = Joshua Jackson
  • Hermoine Granger = Katie Holmes

These kids grow up way too fast. I just hope they’re able to finish shooting the entire series before Daniel Radcliffe becomes Ashton Kutcher and Emma Watson turns into Jessica Simpson.

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They’re Too Young To Die

Sorry I’m not in the mood to blog, nor to entertain.
The past few days have been quite depressing for me. Not from the heavy workload I’ve been receiving, but from hearing the news about people around my age who passed away too young, and all for the wrong reasons.

First, was 28-year-old ‘La Idler’ Sondra a quiet but witty blogger from Singapore whom I met briefly at the Blogger.SG Convention. I used to read Idle Days occasionally and she’d leave comments on my blog too.
She, with a great future ahead of her, was about to migrate to the UK next year to be with boyfriend.
When I wrote about my long distance relationship, this is what she said to me.

“Hey Kenny, yeah I know what it’s like to be in a long-distance relationship as I am in one and it’s just terrible! What’s more you know that both of you have commitments and it’s hard to break them to be together. Anyway, I hope that you will be able to resolve this with Nicole, just [as] I hope to resolve this with my other half. To us!”

Sondra passed away this past Wednesday due to a form of blood disorder.
When I learnt of her news, I was guest-blogging for Cowboy Caleb, who at that time was posted overseas for a writing assignment. I knew he was worried sick about Sondra, and I knew he’s been trying to get in touch with her every day since last October to no avail.
Mr Brown called me while driving on his way to the wake. From his voice I could only hear anguish and despair. My thoughts shifted to Cowboy Caleb, who’ve only just returned to Singapore yesterday morning. When he touched down he finally got the long-awaited SMS reply from Sondra’s phone, by her sister, only to inform him that she’s forever gone.
I could only imagine the amount of shock and pain they’re going through.
Van Tuong Nguyen, 25 years old, arrested and executed for drug-trafficking.

Executed not because he was a hardcore criminal. Executed not because he was a bad person. Executed because he was helping his brother Khoa to get out of debt.
Why was Khoa in debt?
Because Khoa lost himself to drugs. He lost himself to gambling. He lost himself to meaningless gangfights, and landed himself in an expensive legal battle after he disfigured a rival gang member and left him paralysed from waist down.
No. Don’t do drugs. Don’t deal with drugs. Don’t have anything even remotely to do with drugs. If you’re not the one paying the price, your loved ones just might.

“Amidst these score of painful revelations an unspoken truth was exposed. I found myself in deep sorrow for the true victims; the families of those whom suffer as a result of losing a loved one to drugs.”

Khairul Anuar Salim, 18 years old, slashed with a sickle, but killed not by the attackers who confronted him.

Khairul was killed by this private hospital who blatantly refused to give him treatment even during an emergency.

“They wanted me to pay a deposit of RM5,000, saying his injuries were serious. I was not carrying so much money on me at that time,” [Sallehuddean, Khairul’s uncle] said. “They did not want to admit him until I paid the deposit, not even when I pointed out that this was an emergency.”
Sallehuddean said he pleaded with the hospital staff but they would not budge… a doctor came out an hour later and told the family that Khairul could not be saved.
He claimed the hospital did not want to release his body until the bill was settled.”

(More here. Source here and here)
Next time you get slashed in this country, remember to have RM5,000 lying around in your pocket.

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Wallpapers By

I am awesome.
I travel a lot, and I take a lot of photos when I travel. Very often, I wet myself witnessing how amazing some of the shots turned out to be. Most of these pics were taken using a simple point-and-shoot camera (my trusty 3-megapixel Kodak) with minimal touch-up done using Photoshop.
These pics had served me faithfully as my desktop wallpapers in the past. I reckon it’s criminal if I don’t share them, so feel free to download them for your own personal use.
The Boathouse
Perth, Australia.

Download as 1280 x 960 wallpaper

Saratok Sunset
Saratok, Malaysia.

Download as 1280 x 960 wallpaper

Singapore Sling

Download as 1280 x 960 wallpaper

East Meets West
Shanghai, China.

Download as 1280 x 960 wallpaper

I need to rant.
It seriously pisses me off to no end listening to people with a warped sense of aesthetics.
Everytime I put up a photo of a girl who I think looks good or at least above average, 99.9% of the time I’ll get inundated comments saying she’s not JUST “not pretty”, not JUST “an average-looking lass”, but “fucking fucking UGLY”.

Carrie is pretty. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a piece of turd oozing out from the backside of someone who had taken Melilea for 30 days straight.

Has the whole world gone mad? Whatever happened to the different degrees of beauty? Everything now must be either ‘pretty’ or ‘ugly’ one meh? Whatever happened to descriptions like ‘reasonably pretty’ or ‘average’ or even ‘mediocre’?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying everybody should agree with me. I’m okay if people think the girl I put up is not pretty. I’m just saying I find it UNBELIEVABLE that people would actually classify girls like Ericka or Emma as “fucking fucking UGLY”.
Shit, if girls like Emma are considered fucking ugly, what do you call Courtney Love?

As far as I’m concerned, there are two possible explanations to this scenario.
One, is what Lena Fonseka said to me was right. Our perception on beauty has become so screwed up by fashion mags and MTV, that anything less than FHM cover girl perfection is considered “fucking fucking UGLY”.
If that’s the case then I mourn for the deterioration of human intelligence. Thanks to you, every girl who has not graced the covers of FHM is now considered “fucking fucking UGLY”.

Two, is that I went to sleep one night and miraculously woke up in Planet Mars. Over here, every thing is polar opposite to the way things are on Earth. Our red is their green, our cloud is their sea, and our pretty is their ugly. If that’s the case, then I apologise for being an ‘alternative’ not willing to accept mainstream opinion.
And to make it up to you, I present to you YOUR most beautiful woman in the world.

Don’t complain. You asked for it.

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