Ipoh Mali Ipoh Ipoh Mali

This entry is a little late, but what the heck, too many people are already protesting that they’ll leave if I continue putting Steven Lim on the front page.

The day after I completed the Penang Bridge Marathon was the day I free myself from all that stringent training I had to put myself through.
After four months of internal struggle resisting every piece of fried chicken wing thrown at me, there is only one way to celebrate this momentous occasion… by going on an Ultimate Ipoh Food Tour™

I didn’t expect Ipoh to have much tourist attractions, but turns out that this trip was more fun than I had imagined.
Joining me on this trip is travel junkie and kennysia.com regular Nicole Tan.

Travelling around Ipoh on foot after doing a 42km marathon isn’t gonna be much fun, so the first thing we did was to get our rental car from the Penang International Poikeeteo.

A Proton Wira with auto gear costs RM148 a day (always ask for discount).
I wanted to be the driver because I have no faith in Nicole’s driving skills and I wanna live till at least 70 because I am a gentleman and a gentleman should always drive.
Before I could do anything Nicole hopped into the driver seat and shot me back this look.

Hokayyyy, better back out then. 😛 So off we go on our little road trip to the land of Pomelos, Chicken Rice and Michelle Yeoh.
Penang to Ipoh is just two hours by car.

But it wasn’t until 4 hours that we finally reached our destination – thanks to Nicole doing a good 70km/h on the North-South Highway.

Of course, the important thing is that we reached our destination.
Still feeling sore from my race, we straight away checked in and rested, ready for a full day of exploration tomorrow.

Ipoh reminded me very much of Kuching, except they have more mountains.

The old school way of making a chair

It’s a small, quiet, slow, and very laid back town.
It is exactly the kind of place where every young people can’t wait to move out from and where old people woule wanna retire to.

Modern Photo Studio… not very modern right?

Ipoh grew up as a rich tin-mining town in the early days, but since the closure of the tin mines the growth of the city has stagnated some what.

This is Ipoh’s famous Mistress Lane.

Last time, rich businessmen used to hide their mistresses in the small houses here with a narrow lane. This is so that their wives driving around with their big Mercedes wouldn’t notice them there.
How times have changed. Nowadays, the mistresses are the ones driving around in Mercs and the wives are kept in the small houses instead.

Most buildings in Ipoh are very old and run down, lending it a certain quaint old town charm.
We didn’t exactly know where to go in Ipoh for good food, but luckily enough we had local Ipoh guy Rick Cheah bring us around.

This is what they call a Kip Chai Fun, from Greentown Food Centre. Basically fried beehoon with dunno-what-thing inside. Very dry but very filling.

Some famous Ipoh White Coffee for an extra strong caffeine kick from homegrown coffee shop, Sin Yoon Long cafe.

Ipoh is popular for their big ass bean sprouts, and the best big ass bean sprouts chicken is at Onn Kee.
It’s fat and crunchy and goes very well with chicken rice. We managed to still finish our meals eventhough we’ve been eating non-stop since morning.

Chicken drumstick from Sun Seng Fatt cafe. This plate of chicken meat costs RM8! But they’re very silky smooth and delicious so its worth it.
This place is damn cool. Their waitress came and took our orders with a PDA. Even waitress also got PDA!

You don’t see a lot of kopitiam where they take your order with a freaking PDA.
Most of the time, they’ll just shout halfway across the coffee shop with a voice louder than thunder, “TEH C PENG JIT PUEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! KOPI O JIT PUEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! “

While walking back to our car, we came across this delightful old man trying to sell us lotus flower pods
I didn’t know you could eat the lotus flower seeds!

We don’t get a lot of these stuff in Kuching so I decided to give it a try.
I asked the uncle to demonstrate eating lotus flower seeds for us, but the poor man replied, “I cannot eat lah. I have no teeth lah!” Haha.

I gotta say eating lotus flower seed is a strange but interesting experience. The seed tastes fragrant, but it was nothing close to enjoyable. Guess I was worried about getting some virus from eating it raw.
After lunch, we decided to do some sightseeing around Ipoh.

There wasn’t much to see in terms of sights in Ipoh, but we did manage to drop by some majestic temples that seem to be built right into the rock walls of the mountains.
The temples here look really different. For one, the lions guarding the temples are smiling.

So cute right?
Don’t know about you, but I’m used to my temple lions looking mean and angry like this.

Maybe it’s to make the tourists feel more welcome.
Even the statue deities here look so slim and svelte, as if they’ve just gone on a 4-week program with Osim uZap and iGallop.

The temple is called Ling Sen Tong. With so many statues placed throughout the frontyard, the place looked more like a children’s playground than a respectable temple.
I still did my part in giving them some well-deserved donation though.

That’s my Chinese zodiac sign, The Dog.
For some reason, they made The Cow looked like an idiot.

Look he’s smiling at you!

Over at the temple, I met my half-brother, the Monkey King aka Kenny Beckham Sia.

And his piggy sidekick Zhu Ba Jie.

There are a lot of animal statues built like they’re meant for parents to put their kids on there.
Nicole couldn’t resist it and climbed on a camel.

I couldn’t resist it either and climbed on a…

Baby deer?

Doesn’t look like the deer was enjoying the ride as much as I did.
Wait. That sounded kinda wrong.

Don’t know what the heck this sign board means

Not far from Ling Sen Tong, is another amusing temple called Sam Poh Tong.
The main attraction here is a little pond where they breed hundreds of tortoises in there. Feeding is allowed if you bought some vegetables from an auntie at the entrance for RM5, which we did.

We had no idea how many tortoise there are at the pond, until we saw this.

The place was crawling with those creatures. LITERALLY!
We were so excited.

There was a baby tortoise far away from the pack. Nicole was trying to feed him with her outstretched arm, but the poor fella was struggling to even move. Even after like 15 minutes of cheering him on, the tortoise wasn’t making much progress.
He was so slow he probably took three days two nights just to crawl away from the pool and he’s probably gonna take ages more to reach that piece of yummy vegie in front of him.
We tried, but we gave up. Not gonna sit there to wait for him forever.

Moments later, we saw that stupid tortoise strolled nonchalantly back towards the pool area like nothing happened! That bugger.
While we’re enjoyed watching the tortoises’ antics, something interesting happened. Out of nowhere, we heard a series of loud knocking noises.
*KNOCK!* *KNOCK!* *KNOCK!* *KNOCK!*

It was like someone was knocking on the door really loudly, except there were no doors nearby at all. A short while later it came again.
*KNOCK!* *KNOCK!* *KNOCK!* *KNOCK!* *KNOCK!*
What could that possibly be?
After listening to it closely, we realised that the sound came from the pool. As it turned out, that was the sound of two tortoises having sex.

Yes boys and girls.
When humans have sex, we go “Ah ah ah!”
When tortoises have sex, they go “Knock knock knock!”
BECAUSE THEIR SHELLS ARE ALL BANGING INTO EACH OTHER!

Meanwhile, something even more amusing was taking place. The male tortoise was trying to mate with the female tortoise. You can see him mounting from behind her, all horny and ready to go. But apparently, the female tortoise wasn’t exactly in the mood for it.
Normally, when human girls wanna hint to their partners that they’re not up for it, they have to go through a lot of effort coming up with some pity excuses like “I have a headache” or “I’m too tired” so that the boys would stay away.
But if you are a female tortoise, you don’t even have to bother with all that lame bullshit.
If you’re not up for sex, forget about arguing. JUST SHRINK YOUR HEAD BACK INTO THE SHELL!

Imagine a guy making sweet love to his wife or girlfriend, and halfway through she just sinks her head and limbs into her body liddat. Can you imagine how crap he must have felt?
The male tortoise must be feeling so frustrated, however he still kept going at it.
Eventually one of the older tortoises (presumably the female tortoise’s dad) got really fed up by the horny tortoise’s persistency. He had had enough of it, so he approached the hot-blooded male from behind.

Then the old fella opened up his mouth real wide, took careful aim…

AND BIT THAT SON OF BITCH’S BALLS REAL HARD!
Only then did the fella decide to move away.

I swear I’m not making this up. The whole episode really amused the hell out of me. You can even check out Nicole’s blog for the video.

You know your life is really sad when you get excited talking about tortoise porn.

It wasn’t long before it was time for us to leave Ipoh. Nicole and I spent whatever remaining time left camwhoring in front of the beautiful Ipoh Railway Station.
First, it was her. And she posed like this.

Like this.

Like this.

And then it was my turn.
At first I was just posing like this.

Suddenly, Furong Jie Jie‘s spirit appeared and took control of my body.
I was possessed.

Before I knew it, I was posing like this.

Like this.

And finally, like this.

Damn, that Furong Jie Jie spirit was evil.


She went to Ipoh and created a Furong Kenny.


I just switched my mobile number to 012. Figured I could save a lot since most people I call are on Maxis anyway.
If you’re still holding on to my old 013 number, pop me an e-mail and I’ll tell you what my new number is.

140 Replies to “Ipoh Mali Ipoh Ipoh Mali”

  1. always enjoy reading your blog. and that kenny jie jie looks really creepy.. btw.. i agree with all those saying no steven lim on front page. when i saw him on the front page.. i would just quickly click CLOSE on kennysia.com

  2. muahahaaa…finally en entry…or else u are going to lose some readers for a few days more with steven lim as the first entry… blueeekk!!
    But this entry is freaking hilarious… muahahaha… nice one on the tortoise.. LOL
    Kenny, i still havent got the chance to meet u la.. the next time when u go pg or kl or anywhere west msia, let me know k!! I wanna meet u… hehehe.. u know where to get me… ^__^
    Take Care Kenny… Hope u’ll have fun in Singapore!!

  3. One of your finest post. Goddamn hilarious with lotsa creative juices in your pics!! Boy, darn good (mr)SIA =)

  4. Ipoh Mali…that song is ok until the squeaky voice appears..then its utter crap!
    Me love furong jie jie hahahahaa……*cou-hippo-gh*
    And maybe the kangkong not fresh lar, thats why he/she doesnt wanna eat…hahahahahahah

  5. Imagine a gay making sweet love to his wife or girlfriend, and halfway through she just sinks her head and limbs into her body liddat. Can you imagine how crap he must have felt?
    Kenny I think you meant a guy?

  6. pfft.
    get a new shirt kenny.
    and jeans that actually FIT for that matter.
    ipoh looks alot like kuching.
    are u and nicole together?

  7. Kenny! Enjoyed reading this post cuz’ I’m from Ipoh (or rather, somewhere near it). I miss Ipoh! I’m supposed to make a trip down to Ipoh next month cuz’ I really miss the food.
    And that Lotus Flower Pod thingy you mentioned… I love it! In Canto, we call it ‘leen thung’. You gotta choose the ‘young’ ones as it tastes sweet. The ‘old’ ones tend to be hard and the green thing in the centre is bitter. It’s something that you can’t really buy everyday and definitely can’t find that in KL/PJ (so far). After finishing the seeds, I’ll normally break the stem and blow it! :p … there’ll be some white ‘spider web looking thing’ come out from it. Yeah… silly stuff that I do when I was a kid but we just enjoyed the simple things in life last time in small town.
    There’re a lot of other food that you should try, like the super duper Egg Tart and Sak Keh Mah from this particular shop in ‘cockman’ street :p Stuff that you need to buy early in the morning in order to grab some for yourself.
    I’ll take pics and blog about it if I really go Ipoh next month.
    Btw, Kenny, that Modern Photo Shop… where exactly was that? I’m just wondering cuz’ it could be the same shop where I took my 1 year old photo :p

  8. Not a regular coffee drinker, i must admit that the White Coffee from Ipoh is something you must try… Definitely tastes better than what u get from Coffee Bean or Starbucks and very much cheaper as well.

  9. hmm the arrows i left in the comment disappear =p
    i mean
    to the left: workers
    to the right: tortoise visitors
    btw, the ojisan that sells lotus seed is so cute!

  10. kenny u naughty boy! mua ha ha! a normal travel log could become porn movie + comedy + documentary, u do kick ass!

  11. Oh man, that series of tortoise photos was really funny.
    You guys forgot to try the famous Ipoh heong peah (you know, those flaky biscuits with that sticky stuff inside…) They’re so famous that you’re only allowed to buy 2 bags per person during rush times like CNY. Of course my family all got in line separately and pretended like we didn’t know each other…but the jig was up when I had to ask my dad what the uncle behind the counter was saying ‘cos I don’t know Cantonese.

  12. hah…did ipoh wreak havoc upon your diet? i havent been home in a while. ipoh food requires a few days to cover the range decently.

  13. ipoh not so quaint one la…tat was only the oldtown part of the town..lol….good entry..but u need more than a day to taste all the insider good food in ipoh…

  14. dude.. can u for once post some nice pics?
    whats with u man? y the steven-piece-of-self-loving-shit and the sea-lion-furong IN ONE PAGE?!
    just what have we done to deserve that..? y ruin it?

  15. You so so SO SO SO obviously have a MASSIVE crush on Nicole Tan! You might as well wear a sign on your chest proclaiming that! 😀
    Eh, let us know when she turns you down. I mean, when you succeed in “chasing” her.

  16. kenny, there are still tonnes of stuff to do in ipoh.. and the lotus flower seed tastes darn gd if you pick the young ones.. not all buildings are old in ipoh.. only certain areas..
    and, there are heaps of happening nite spots places as well.. you’ve missed lotsa interestin places and good foods tis trip. next time you intend to go ipoh again.. let me know, i’ll give you a guide on places of interest and good food.
    i charge a reasonable fees for professional consultation, so dun worry abt burning a hole in ur pocket.. heheh!

  17. Ha Ha, Kenny, you are a great story editor. I really enjoyed that short tour with you and Nicole although it was only 4 hours but we managed to witness and taste so much stuff. I will bring you to Kellie’s Castle on your next visit to confess your feelings to N????? hehe!
    If you get rejected, you can always use my place for comfort and enlightenment at http://www.tellsweetheart.com
    LOL!

  18. hmm… wat i heard is not KNOCK KNOCK..
    Its the sound when Chinese new year, people play the launch firework,the sound of the firework when it launch from the box on the floor XD

  19. Theres a coffeshop behind Ipoh Garden East not far from the crematorium that sells incredibly delicious noodle soups.
    The vendor goes by the name of Ah Kao. The noodles soups are so good, you sometimes see a long line of people trying to order from him.
    Can lick from the bowl i tell you, probably expire due to MSG over a long period of consumption but who cares!!

  20. So are you hittin that or what? Lots of posts with her in it lately and she is a hottie. Id hit it too if I had the chance.

  21. Haha, everytime it features a photoshoot at a garden or something, it’s always related to Furong that woman. Thank her for taking those shots in the first place and made a parody of and thus, HILARY!(hilarious lah).

  22. Hey Kenny,
    i juz lurve ur blog la.
    effin hilarious can?!
    ..kwa..kwa..kwa..
    p/s:
    oh, by e way…
    u look supa good on those pose.
    u ought to do that often IN PUBLIC!
    damn sure,
    u’ll get funny reaction frm ppl.
    =)
    blog more…
    i’ll keep on reading…
    PEACE OUT~

  23. I couldn’t agree with you more about the mistress thing. Women should no longer be the one who slave their lives off with their husbands from scratch. When comes the time to enjoy the fruits of their labour, the wife would be ditched for some younger chick whom was no where in sight when the seeds were sow. Men would not appreciate you for being there for them. All they want is your service.

  24. cool most.good job once more. and dun listen to those other fellas, nicole is cool. more of her please.
    you were at WWE smackdown tour? i was there yesterday as well. hoping to see ya, but in the end din. posted the pics up at my blog, go look see.

  25. i’m starting to feel that kenny’s post… i mean his style of writing nowadays…
    haslost the TERROR la.. not like last time…
    it jz feels so…….. nice and friendly…
    too friendly…

  26. KENNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, I saw you today. Yes, in Singapore. You got in the train and stood beside me. When I saw you I was like “OMFG THAT’S KENNY SIA”. I wanted to tell you how much I love your blog but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it because everyone would think I’m mad. I wanted to just wave and smile at you.. But. ANYWAY, YOU’RE SO CUTE. With the Adidas shirt and shoes. Sadly, I couldn’t see you any longer because you were changing train at City Hall. I LOVE KENNYSIA.COM

  27. Hm, where’s that “IPOH” sign by the bushes? Seems so familiar, yet so vague.
    Wah, if I weren’t living in Ipoh myself, I would have thought it’s some old and small town like Gopeng or Kampar, looking at the pics, hahah.

  28. was wondering kenny sia are u dating nicole? If u are let us know ! ha ha lately all your post is about her her her is like ure obsesses in her.

  29. “Imagine a gay making sweet love to his wife or girlfriend, …”
    i can see what’s on ur mind. stop pretending to be straight ley…
    btw, rm8 for that bit of chicken, the shop can afford to hire waitresses in french maid uniforms speaking fluent french la..
    and lastly, juz bcoz u never seen lotus plants in kuching,doesnt mean dont have lar.. u r a guy and a bit more westernised than most, i dont think u wld notice lotus plants anyways.

  30. lol, the girls are jealous la kenny, but anyhow nothing wrong with viewing eye candies for guys.
    Nice Post, had me laffing all the way, i knew you’d do the walrusrong pose before i reached the end of your post, hahaha right after you said furong possessed you. LOL

  31. Kenny you should have tried the popiah at Kong Heng, very near the St Michael’s Institution. I can guarantee you, it’s the best popiah ever! Can’t find anything close to it… 🙂

  32. OMG!! u’re HILARIOUS!! i’m at skool and people are looking at me funny coz u made me fall off the chair..laughing and crying bcoz of all the laughing..great job kenny..keep it up!

  33. Hi Kenny,
    Hiya, those kopi tiam in ulu areas at Bukit Mertajam, Penang had their aunty waitress using PDAs to order dishes years ago liaw…
    Lotus seed can be eaten of course. It is also one of those popular ingredients for pastry making. Hmmm…you are so suaku lah…

  34. Did you know that in all of the temple caves, you could go all the way to the top of the hill and get a great view of the valley? 🙂

  35. A bit of topic but wanted your take. Kenny- Indirectly, he is calling you a goblok as well since you are educated overseas. What do you say to that?
    Star
    Monday July 30, 2007
    Zam: Ignore ‘goblok’ bloggers
    MALACCA: The public should be wise in identifying the websites of goblok (Indonesian slang for “stupid”) bloggers, who are willing to be tools of others to destroy the nation, said Information Minister Datuk Seri Zainuddin Maidin.
    “These writers do not have an Asian mentality but lean towards a Western thinking because they were educated overseas.
    “Thus they assume that the Western style of democratic freedom is better. The goblok writers only have their own interests at heart and should be ignored,” he said after launching the Jalur Gemilang Convoy 2007 at Bandar Hilir here yesterday.
    Earlier, in his speech Zainuddin said the convoy of 50 four-wheel drive vehicles that would travel throughout Malaysia was important to re-instil the spirit of Merdeka in the people.
    He said the participants would be able to see the country’s development throughout their journey.

  36. Most of the time, they’ll just shout halfway across the coffee shop with a voice louder than thunder, “TEH C PENG JIT PUEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! KOPI O JIT PUEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! ”
    Kenny, was that a typo or does Ipoh restaurants does speak hokkien?

  37. HEy! I saw that tortoises doing the same thing too! I’d even shot some photos of them. Em.. they were still doing the same thing… (beh tong)
    And hey! You guys looks like couples le.. hehe..

  38. argggh, can you please stop having NICOLE TAN in your blog??? I am sick of her. If publicity is what she seeks, well, she had enough. It’s just makes me puke to see trying to act cute and keep appearing in your blog.
    Posted by: michael at 29 July 2007 6:53 AM | Link to comment
    my sentiments too michael. kenny i’m very jelak of her too. can don blog so often about her ah?? thanks~

  39. Hi Kenny, kita an avid reader of your blog.. from Singapore.. anywayz.. very funny giler bout the tortoise but lepak rabak bout the Furong Jiejie.. lol.. golek2 pat floor..

  40. gee…hey kenny & nicole…u both sure look like mr.bean and borat wannabes on ur travelling poses…LOL…wonder what happens if both of u hit europe someday…O.o

  41. i used to go to that sam poh toong temple when i was still a kid.
    7 years back there were even more tortoises… double what you are seeing now.
    You should have tried the salt baked chicken which was just nearby Onn Kei Ipoh Tauge Chicken. It is even more delicious and hot selling that they dun even cater for dine in customers nowadays, and only do take aways! Somemore you don’t think just go queue up and pay for the chicken, you won’t be getting it… need to book and wait one ar… dun play play 🙂

  42. Kenny you’re damn stupid la…
    You’re giving a wrong impression of Ipoh, as if it’s some old and dilapidated town that operates as a gigantic old folks’ home.
    Please la, give Ipoh some justice.

  43. haha..hey the last time i was down in ipoh i saw the exact same hair saloon too..and i told my sister that its called modern hair saloon but its not that modern afterall.i told her the exact same thing! hahaha reminds me when i look at that shot

  44. nicole’s got a pretty face but SERIOUSLY, those pants are so wrong.
    Posted by: yehaa at 01 August 2007 1:40 AM | Link to comment
    Well I’m gona be blunt here but it’s not just her pants that are so wrong…it’s everything that she is wearing..

  45. ah-ha my hometown.. =) and nice entry tho’, but then, ipoh is more than just the old town and what we call ‘sam poh tong’ where you ride on the camel and all.you should really take a road trip down here again one fine day in the future to really check out the true blue ipoh and what makes it so magnificent =D

  46. Hi Kenny, thanks for this post ! been missing home for quite a while and I’m telling you, i’ve been to that temple nearly every year for cny and never once ive seen any tortoise shagging..lucky u ! lol..

  47. thanks kenny for your entertaining blog. though I miss Kuching so much, at least you make me feel much better bout studying in ipoh. gonna miz it for the next half year while stuck in ipoh

  48. U and Nicole make Ipoh such an interesting place to go…. treat or trick now??? I jus got posted in Ipoh…. aiyo… is been three weeks and i still stucked in my aunt’s cousin’s damn… bloody hot room…. Jus ’cause this room has the wireless from a guy named Jeffey….
    Great job!!!

  49. You’re good. Thanks for commenting on Ipoh. I’m running a lil business here all these while and I must say I disagree with your point about “not for the young but every retiree’s dream town”.
    This lil Kinta Valley is a goldmine, with lots of possibilities and room for improvement. Check.
    But again, your blog is awesome. Love the photoshoots. Thumbs up!
    Cheers.

  50. OMFG!I love this post like super a lot.I am a true Ipoh girl.hehe..didnt go back much after I came to KL for studies.Missing home like mad..
    the next time if you happen to be in IPoh,do drop by in this really cool hawker stalls..its call ” Big Tree Feet ” in canto..hehe..they have the best Yong Tau Foo and Red Bean Ice..the best part is they are CHEAP.
    hehehe..im drooling already..

  51. omg that’s funny… I actually know every single place you’ve been. Many more to go dude! Gime a holla if u here again. Bring u to the BEST places you never knew existed!

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