The Siarong Party Girl Controversy



The rest of this entry was removed due to privacy issues. If you still like to read it please send me an e-mail.

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This entry is not-safe-for-work, so make sure your boss, workmates, husband, wife, brothers, sisters, children and doggies are not around you before you continue reading.

I give absolutely NO permission to the press to produce anything in this entry.

If you want to talk about what behavious is right or wrong, don’t read. If you cannot appreciate tongue-in-cheek humour, don’t read. If your name is Ng Heng Ghee, don’t read… Go jump off a tree instead.

If I ever said I’m not a fan of Sarong Party Girl, I’m sorry. I take those words back. She’s found a new fan in me after the Singapore Bloggers Conference.


SPG (her account of the evening here) missed all the afternoon session of the conference and only turned up during the after party.

I spotted her red sarong party dress at the balcony on the second level with her male companion. I don’t know if she knows me, so I walked over there and introduced myself.

I’m glad I did. That girl just kept giving me surprises after surprises throughout the night.

Kenny: “Hi, I’m Kenny. :)”

SPG: “Heyyyyyyyy, you’re Kenny! You’re from Kuching right? Guess what? I’m from Kuching too!”

Kenny: “Whoa!”

Surprise #1: She recognised me.

Surprise #2: She’s from Kuching! Damn, I never read enough of her archives to realise that.


To be precise, she’s born in Singapore but her parents are from Kuching. But I don’t care, I want to claim her as one of our own. 🙂 Despite her being so controversial, I’m still proud that such a talented girl like her has roots from my hometown, ok?

SPG: “You know… I know exactly how you look like underneath those clothes.”

Kenny: “I know how you look like underneath those clothes too!”

Not bad for a conversation starter eh? How I wish I could say that to every girl I know. 😉


We were referring to the ‘nude blogger’ incident when SPG posted on her blog an artistic shot of herself in the nude. Next thing you know, the mainstream media went crazy posting biased sensational headlines about how ‘dirty’ she is.

I was amused why the newspaper made a big deal out of this when porno sites have been living on the Internet for ages. So I went ahead and post my own nude photo.


Sad to say, my picture wasn’t as well received.

Later that evening, in a room where many other bloggers were congregating…

Kenny: “Hey, can I take a photo with you?”

SPG: “Yah, sure!”

Kenny: (to mr brown) “brown, can you help us take a photo?”

mr brown: “Sure, man.”


SPG: “You know what would be really funny? I think we should do a photo with our tops off.”

Kenny: “!!!”

Kenny: *thinks* “I’ll do it. Are you gonna do it?”

SPG: “I’ll think about it, but only if you do it first.”

Kenny: “Okay.”


A piece of Sarawak’s lush rainforest in Singapore

I don’t know what happened next but the chatty room full off bloggers suddenly turned quiet. VERY quiet.

All I remember was mr brown shaking his head saying “This deserves an entire post on its own, man.”

*click* and the camera flash went off. I turned and saw SPG adjusting her straps. I looked back at my camera AND THEN I saw this.

That’s not ‘one big yawn’. Its ‘two big yonks’.


I showed it to SPG and we burst out laughing our tits off. I felt as if I just shot the cover of my first porno DVD – “Hairy Potter and the Half Naked Nymph”

mr brown walked away feeling disgusted.

mr brown: “I’ve got only one thing to say about this, man… KENNY, YOU GOT BIGGER BOOBS!”

He’s right.


This entry was edited so much, the flow of words is just so mangled right now.

Suffice to say, I did expect ppl to go “OMG you are crazy!”. I didn’t expect ppl to go “You lost my respect, I’m so disappointed in you.”

I wrote it because it was a very unusual and out of the ordinary situation that occured. Its not something that happen everyday, and I think its worth noting.

Some ppl go to Thailand and take photos with ah guas. Some people go to sex expos and take photos with porn actresses.


The incriminating photo.

I took a photo with a professional fetish model, that’s all.

Sin-fully Sin-gapore

Just a quick filler update.
Singapore is crazy. Bloggers.SG conference is crazy. Singaporeans are crazy. I’m having so much fun here I want to take the merlion back to Kuching to keep as memorabilia.
The people from the Singapore’s Sunday Times didn’t enjoy the conference though. YOU SUCK! 😀
Too much to write, too much photos to post, but you’d have to wait until tomorrow. 🙂 Here’s what others have to say about the first ever Singaporean bloggers convention in the meantime (taken from
Tenebrous Is I
Not Your Usual Shit
KingMeng’s Rants
Sheena’s Little Fragments of Time
Bloggers.SG today….
I Went To Bloggers.Sg 2005
Bloggers.SG 2005 Photos
Bloggers.SG 2005 Coverage
PaT’s Toblerone

Miss Tourism Pageant 2005 Kuching Show

Just got back from the Kuching preview show of the Miss Tourism Pageant 2005 last night.
I didn’t even know this type of beauty pageant exist, until I caught the bunch of them having lunch at one of the hotel cafes. Miss Tourism is very similar to Miss World or Miss Universe, only less glitzy and particular emphasis is placed on the contestants tourism knowledge and background.

Photos here will not be in chronological order or in context.

The Kuching ‘Preview’ Show was held at the Crowne Plaza hotel ballroom. The tickets are expensive at RM300 per person and are difficult to get by. I’ve called the organizers a few times before but they’re unwilling to sell individual tickets as they’d rather sell by the table.
I was finally given a chance to buy the elusive RM300 ticket at the door on the actual event. Having gotten into a minor car accident earlier in the day, I was hesitant to part with my hard-earned cash. So I tried a trick.
I put on my best dress shirt and tailored pants, wore a (borrowed) huge ass digital SLR camera on my neck, and at the actual event I walked into the ballroom confidently as if I own the whole freakin’ place.

No these are not the contestants. Its a warm-up show. I reckon if the bellydancers at the Bloggers.SG conference are anything like this, the whole trip to Singapore would be worth it.

I walked past the reception. No response.
Walked past hotel security. No reaction.
Walked past the organizers. Nuh-uh.
I found my table (they made a mistake by revealing my table number before I even got my ticket), pulled a chair, sat and started eating the shark fin soup and butter prawns they served. Still no dramas. People look at me as if its very common for strangers to share a table like that.
Yes you heard it right. I got to dine at a 5-star hotel, rub shoulders with snobbish socialites, and meet with 30 other beauty queens, all for abso-fucking-lutely FREE. FREE. FREE.
Thank you, lax security guards!

The show opens with what the MC called a ‘thoughtful and inspiring’ speech by the Tourism Minister.

The minister’s speech can be summed up as follows:
1. We’re not here to see pretty girls, we’re here to promote world peace and harmony.
2. Tourism is important so all the government money spent on this beauty pageant is worth it.
3. I got to see all these pretty girls backstage before all of you do, and I took pictures with all of them too. So obviously my balls are bigger than yours. (I’m serious. He did say something to that effect.)
Anyone wanna bet his stupid speech is gonna make the headlines tomorrow?

Contestants appear in dazzling Sarawak cultural costumes. I like Miss Brazil. I wanted to ask her to show me her Brazilian wax.

Letting someone like me sneak into the Miss Tourism Pageant was the last of the organizer’s concerns. A number of contestants have withdrawn or miss the show completely.

Miss Venezuela looked fabulous in that pink empress outfit. I reckon she looks like UK singer Billie Piper.

Poor Miss Ethiopia for example, was quarantined at the KLIA because she can’t produce her medical certificate and the officials here fear that she may have yellow fever or something like that. I think she’s gonna be so traumatised that when she goes back, she’s gonna have yellow Asian fever.

Miss Pakistan doing the Bollywood dance.

Perhaps the most high-profile scandal was the one involving Miss Tibet. The Chinese government forced her to compete as Miss Tibet-China, but she refused and ended up withdrawing from the contest instead.

Miss USA looks like she has a dislocated her hip bones playing the hoola hoops. Don’t you think she bears an uncanny resemblance to Jessica Simpson?

Anyway, after the initial introduction of the contestants, a selected few were invited to perform their ‘special talents’ on stage. Most danced. Miss USA did it with the hoola hoops.
Miss Singapore was scheduled to do an Aikido martial arts demonstration. But when she stepped forth, she…
… rolled on the floor.
… and again, to the left.
… then again, to the right.
And before you know it, its all over.
I thought I came for a beauty contest, but I went to a dog-rolling contest by mistake.

Miss Malaysia easily had the best performance of the night. She sang a rendition of ‘In Your Head’ ‘Zombie’ by The Cranberries and her vocals was simply awesome.
I shall upload the videos tomorrow or something.
The evening wear parade was next on the list.
Miss China is damn skinny, but she got a nice albeit flat face though. I dig Miss Hong Kong’s outfit (2nd from left) and Miss Brazil (3rd from left) looks fantastic in just about anything.
Miss Slovakia on the other hand has a great body but a very ‘plastic’ face. I managed to snap a photo of her later in the hotel lobby.
WAH! Look like she just walked out of a Barbie Doll box.
This is that curvilicious Miss Belarus’ back. I reckon she has the best dress out of all the girls that night.
Miss Venezuela in her snake-print outfit. Miss Vietnam in the background. Why is it that all the beauty queens seem to hail from Venezuela?
I was looking forward to a swimsuit parade. Too bad with the conservative politicians in the audience I see a fat chance of that happening.
The next session of the show features the contestants in cocktail wear.
Miss Brazil looking fabulously neon pink. Check out Miss Belarus in that black dress! She looked like she jumped out of a watch ad or something. Those two are definitely my favourites alongside Miss Venezuela. Miss Cambodia in the background kinda pale in comparison.
Miss Romania looks like a total doll without Miss Slovakia’s plasticky feel. What a queen.
That’s Miss Russia by the door in the background. She’s another one of those with a good body, but her face something wrong one.
Miss Singapore Celest Foo definitely had the BEST evening wear of the night.
I spoke to Miss Singapore when I stalked bumped into the contestants during lunch a few days ago. That’s how I remember her name. Its quite clear to me that she’s not the most confident one of the group. She commented how intimidated she felt since the girls there are all so tall.
But Celest is very down-to-earth and I felt as if I was talking to my high school mate or something. There’s no pretentious “I’m better than you” air about it. I like her.
The subsidiary title of Miss Damai was to be given out that night, but before that we were rudely interrupted by an intermission program.

George Michael would be so proud of his sense of fashion.

Cheebye lah. Talk about from one extreme to the other.
The moment of truth. Who will win the crown of Miss Damai (whatever the hell that is)?
Make a wild guess?


Miss USA giving the look that says “Pick me! Pick me!”

btw, that’s Miss Tunisia standing on the far right. Not Miss Tiuniasing ok.

Congratulations Celest! 🙂 You totally deserve it.
Don’t go using your special Aikido talent and roll back to Singapore now.
Coincidentally I’m in Singapore right now, looking forward to attending the Blogger.SG conference tomorrow. Pop by DXO at the Esplanade if you’re in town alright.
This wraps up my account of the Kuching preview show. The Miss Tourism Pageant Grand Final will be held in Miri City on the 23rd July. I have my favourites – specifically Miss Brazil, Miss Belarus, Miss Romania and Miss Venezuela. I hope they win.

Bye bye…

Well, who do you think should win?

Continue reading

Guide To Writing Friendster Testimonials For People You Don’t Know

One of my pet peeves with Friendster is seeing people writing testimonials for people they don’t know.
I’m sure we’ve all seen testimonials like these before:

“HmmMMMmm… I dUnNo HeR 1 BuT shE ix berii cuTez aNd preTTyzzzzzzZZZZzzz…..!!! tHx f0R addinG mE tO yOuR FrenZ LiSt! StAy CutEz aNd PreTTy AlWiZZZZZzzzzz!”

Nabeh. You call that a testimonial?
Friendster limits people over 18 to join, but I swear my IQ dropped by half when browsing profiles of those 14 year olds, who cleverly pump their age up to 18 to fool the system. Some even more kiasu and put their age as 84 years old instead. Like talking to ah mah very appealing like that.

Does she look freakin’ 84 years old to you?

I think at the very least, testimonials should contain some substance about the person. They should describe the habits and traits of that person beyond what their profile pictures. Obviously that’s a little difficult considering the person who gives the testimonial and the person who receives it probably never even conversed at all.
So what I’ll do here is provide some hints on how to write good testimonials for people you’ve never met.
If you see them somewhere else, remember, you read it first at
1. Pretend Like They Are Your Long Lost Friend

“WENNY~~~~~!!!! So surprised to see you here on Friendster! ^_^ Haven’t heard from you since Form 3! I thought you went to Afghanistan liaw. But I chatted with Mr Laden on MSN last night and he said you were in London last week? What are you doing there? Keeep in touch ya???”

2. Give ’em A Trip Report

“T+00: read Wenny Sia’s profile.
T+02: surroundings become blur. v nice visuals.
T+03: getting warm in here.
T+05: everything’s so surreal.
T+07: my face is numb
T+10: feel like vomitting.
T+14: effects v strong now.
T+15: shit. cannot hold back. i’m nauseating
T+19: regurgitated on my keyboard. fuck.”

3. Treat ’em Like Weight Loss Products

“After looking at Wenny’s picture, my appetite disappears suddenly. I’m no longer hungry, and I stop having cravings. In fact, food isn’t all that interesting to me anymore. After 10 days, I lost 6kg of weight, 4% of bodyfat and 2 inches off my waist.
Thank you Wenny Sia!”

4. Rate ’em Like How Sammyboy Rates ‘Em

“Met her at L6H9.
looks: 4/10 (very average)
body: 5/10 (a bit fat. boobs hairy.)
CB: 6/10 (trimmed)
AR: din provide. din ask.
BJ: 1/10 (kena teeth a lot)
FJ: 8/10 (accomodating. tried many diff positions until CIM.)
Damage: $40
RTF: never in a lifetime”

Continue reading

Cannibalism In A Kuching Kopitiam

Take a look at this seemingly innocent picture.

Cannibals discussing recipes.

If you think this is just another one of those kopitiams you can find in Kuching, you couldn’t be more wrong.
Its true that Kuching is a city famous for its cheap and delicious kopitiam food. But I do wonder how many people would be willing to sample this latest addition to the menu.

Our Cantonese cooks are freshly imported from Hong Kong!

I heard that its very popular. Out of curiousity, I asked the ah moi there to show me how they prepare this yummy dish. She happily obliged and I was led to the kitchen at the back.
I wasn’t disappointed.

Best served with meatballs on the side.

Rainforest World Music Festival 2005

I heard of the Rainforest World Music Festival amidst all its media hype, but I never bothered much about it. That is, until every second friend I have pestered me with questions like “Ehh… are you going to rainforest?”
I thought they meant jungle trekking.

The music festival attracted a lot of hippies. Not sure why Sunsilk sponsored this event since hippies don’t usually wash their hair anyway.

The Rainforest World Music Festival is an event that brings together traditional cultural musicians from all over the world. It is held at the Sarawak Cultural Village, itself a living museum amid lush rainforest located some 30 minutes away from the hustle and bustle of Kuching city.
Cultural performances usually bore me to tears, but I was curious when I learnt that people were coming from Miri, KL and even overseas just to attend this cultural bullshit.

The beer ran out, so Joyce started to nibble on the can.

Joyce the Fairy, whom I met at the PPS Bash, was one of those who flew to Kuching to see me to join in on the fun. She was here on an unapproved business trip, taking photos of the event for the magazine she was working for.
I wanted to catch up with her ‘cos we’ve met too briefly in KL. Besides, I wanted to witness for myself her acclaimed alcohol drinking prowess.

The audience pretends to be interested.

The afternoon workshops at the RWMF weren’t particularly interesting. There were three classes running simultaneously at the different auditoriums around the village. Most of the time the musicians were trying in vain explaining aspects of their music. Too bad the audiences just wanted to hear music / don’t give two hoots about their instruments / don’t fooking understand what the hell they’re talking about.
Seriously, their accents are so bad they make characters in The Sims sound like English teachers.

Sarong Party Boy sighted in Kuching.

The Colombian musicians are slightly more entertaining. For some odd reason, they would get so excited hitting their drums, they would start stripping, jump around madly, chase all the girls, and justify it by calling it ‘the Colombian dance’.

Kinky Blue Fairy goes to work.

I find this Polish Celtic band called Shannon more suited to my musical taste. Its Irish music pumped up with drum and bass – think ‘Riverdance’. Its very unique. Check out the video clips I took here or here.
I really wanted to get their CD, but the frickin’ thing costs RM75. Heck, I don’t care how much I like their music, but to charge someone RM75 for a CD is blatant abuse, man. Just ‘cos Sarawak has lots of trees doesn’t mean our money grows on trees.
There’s a break between the afternoon shows and the evening’s major concert, so I joined Joyce and her mates by the beach to catch the sunset.

“ARGH! My face is stuck onto the camera! HELP!”

Joyce is such a social butterfly and a lot of people she hang around here are from the local media, arts and music scene. I swear she bumped into more people she knows than I did, and I’m supposed to be from Sara-bloody-wak dammit!

Joyce, Shal and Brandon. The innocent looking bottle on the sand was actually filled with Evil Joyce’s Malibu.

As soon as I was introduced to him, Brandon recognised me and asked “You’re that guy who blogs, right?”
Shal Sagan was a little quiet. She’s a talented singer/songwriter from Kuching who recently released her alternative rock debut album “A Special Note”. It should be available at Tower Records now, so go check her out if you’re into that genre of music.

Drunk people fooling around. I think they forgot the ‘woman’ was supposed to be the one ‘blowing’, not the other way round.

The Village turned into a rather dodgy place by the time we returned. There were lots drunk people loitering around, some even smoking weed joints out in the open. It definitely wasn’t a very family-friendly place, despite the fact that it was a government-organised cultural event and that children were allowed into the area.
The musical performances for the early part of the evening was fairly forgettable, but amazingly the crowd was HOT – both figuratively and literally speaking. It was a rare sight for a place like Kuching where major staged events were far and few in between.
The crowd bought the whole act and they were crazy throughout the night like it was some sort of rock concert or rave party (replace DJ with American folk music and you get the idea). The atmosphere was simply awesome.
Download crowd video here.
The Yelemba drummers from Ivory Coast at the end just stole the whole frickin’ show away. I’m still amused at how they can make the mad rush to the toilet seems so interesting.
Download Ivory Coast dummers’ video here.

I don’t know if that’s meant to be a tiger or a bumble bee.

By the time I parted with Joyce she had already consumed more than ten cans of drink, only two of those were non-alcoholic. Yet, that woman fairy was still sober. She must be right – fairies run on alcohol.
The show ended at around 12:30am. It was definitely an entertaining evening, but the rowdy and sometimes unruly crowd wasn’t what I expected. I wonder how many girls emerged that night ungroped and unscathed. Still, I appreciate the performers who dedicate their life and soul preserving and sharing their cultural music with us.
But hey, at the end of the day, people enjoyed themselves and if there’s a similar event next year you’d definitely see me there.
Other people writing about the RWMF:
Joyce the Fairy [Kuala Lumpur] has tons of pictures.
This So Called Life was amused.
Arthur [Miri] gave it 10/10.
Irene [Kuching] was disappointed.
Michelle @ syntaxfree [Singapore] looks forward to next year’s.

Continue reading


I couldn’t verify the source myself, but thanks to reader kk for sending this in.

“My buddy in Shanghai recently sent me this poster he found at a posh Mexican restaurant/bar which I thought is really hilarious and a classic example of bad translation done by mainland cina. And I thought if the prostitutes can read the england, they won’t be prostituting liao leh as China is so in need of england speaking ppl. Anyway, hope you have a good laugh.
kk “

Zapata's Mexican Cantina

Excuse me, do you think I’m a whore?


African drums – vibrators without batteries.

Man. I just got back from the Rainforest Music Festival and I am so totally spent. I shall leave the update till tomorrow. In the meantime, here’s my lame joke attempt for the day.
Do you like this building name?

Well. If you don’t like it, Fook Off.

Talk Cock King At His Best

Its a slow start to the weekend and I’m hardly motivated to do post on my own. But for those who didn’t catch it, here’s the infamous conversation I had with minishorts, reproduced with some Malay words translated and graphics included.
I still get a chuckle everytime I read it.
(Minishorts and I were slacking off at work. We were talking about my reputation as a crowd pleaser)
minishorts : you horrible lah
Kenny : i please everyone too much
minishorts : reply religiously
minishorts : die lah
minishorts : i go by the mantra : i don’t give a fucking damn.
Kenny : i don’t give a damn, but I can give a fucking.
minishorts : i’m sure
minishorts : how long are you
Kenny :
Kenny : private question!
minishorts : i want to know
Kenny : siao ah
minishorts : 3 inches limp! yes
minishorts : silence is consent
minishorts : muahahaha!
Kenny : that’s like asking for ur cup size.
minishorts : eh no lah i think
Kenny : u dun tell ppl one u know.
minishorts : 2.5 inches limp
minishorts : i’m a xxxxx
Kenny : !
Kenny : i didn’t ask.
Kenny : u dun crazy.
Kenny : anyway
minishorts : i’m trying to tell you its the same thing
minishorts : so…
minishorts : 2.5 inches limp
Kenny : it doesn’t matter that size it is limp
Kenny : ‘cos limp is useless anyway.
minishorts : maximum 5.5 inches hard
Kenny : hey i never measured.
minishorts : i’m going to blog this
minishorts : mUAHHAHA
minishorts : anyway
minishorts : i think its…
Kenny : but even if i had, i’m not gonna tell.
minishorts : ok
Kenny : !
minishorts : from thumb end
minishorts : to little finger end
minishorts : outstretched
minishorts : that’s the length
minishorts : right not?
Kenny : hey i’m in the office right now
Kenny : not gonna unzip my pants and confirm your statements!
minishorts : chewah words only mah
minishorts : go and wank yourself and see
Kenny : cannot
Kenny : must have images.
minishorts : then come back tell me how big is the big bird
Kenny : waliew
Kenny : wendy asked me the same thing
Kenny : and i didn’t wanna answer her
minishorts : hehehe
Kenny : she said “if you’re long, you’d answer. if you don’t answer, that means you’re short.”
Kenny : !!!
Kenny : die die both ways.
minishorts : i can estimate a guy’s length by his face
minishorts : top of forehead
minishorts : to bottom of chin
minishorts : that’s the length…when hardened..
minishorts : usually correct one
Kenny : no wonder girls like horse face
Kenny : crazy ah
minishorts : you don’t believe go check and see
Kenny : eunuches don’t have flat face
Kenny : squashed face i mean
minishorts : next time you go wanking… you estimate the length of your face
minishorts : use your hands to help lah… then you will be shocked by the accuracy of my prophecy
Kenny : DAMN YOU
Kenny : now everytime i look a man’s face i think of the length of his penis
Kenny : shit
Kenny : now i gotta photoshop my face to make it look longer.
minishorts : hahaha!
minishorts : eh what’s the length lah
minishorts : got yellow feathers all around your dick right
Kenny : c’mon. why did u wanna know! not like i’m gonna sleep with you.
Kenny : or anyone else
Kenny : anytime soon.
minishorts : cheh
minishorts : you keep on saying you got big bird
Kenny : siao ah
Kenny : of course its all in jest
minishorts : you got your ownself into this
Kenny : hohoho
Kenny : good what
Kenny : keep the suspense there.
Kenny : remain an unsolved mystery.
minishorts : no oh.
minishorts : not fun
minishorts : wait lemme see..
minishorts : yeah lah kautim should be 5.5 inches when hard and solid
Kenny : my face length is longer than 5.5 inch ok
minishorts : yeah meh
minishorts : you take ruler and measure your face length adi
Kenny : 18cm
minishorts : fucker
minishorts : ok i change the metthod
minishorts : FACE width

After the extraction of my 4 wisdom teeth, 2 years ago.

minishorts : from right cheek end to left cheek end
Kenny : ear to ear or what
minishorts : cheek end to cheek end
Kenny : 19 cm
minishorts : hahahahaha
Kenny : depends on where u position it
minishorts : mid-cheek to mid-cheek
Kenny : fuck lah
Kenny : next thing u know u’ll say left nostril to right nostril
minishorts : that one is your flacid length
Kenny : not that short pun
Kenny : c’mon lah
minishorts : you got big nose hole mah
Kenny : how would u like it if ppl say they can measure ur cheebye length by the width of your lips.
Kenny : gross rite
minishorts : got such thing meh
Kenny : everytime ppl look at u, u’d feel violated.
minishorts : where got gross
minishorts : we girls are proud of our vaginas.
Kenny : mann
Kenny : we shouldn’t compare.
minishorts : i’m not comparing
Kenny : everyone is good in their own right
Kenny : heh heh heh
minishorts : i’m just saying it’s like a lock-and-key situation.
minishorts : when you find a man, it’s like you’re looking for the key to your lock.
minishorts : IF the key fits… sex will be superbo.
Kenny : hey, what does it have got anything to do with me.
minishorts : length doesn’t necessarily matter.
Kenny : even if i say 30 cm u’re not gonna leave eric for me.
minishorts : of course not.
minishorts : he is infinite.
Kenny : besides
Kenny : i can just say any number
Kenny : u’ll never know.
Kenny : shit.
minishorts : 30 cm you will look like a hantu lah
minishorts : i’m trying to say… length doesn’t matter… what matters is that the key will fit the lock.
Kenny :
minishorts : but that doesn’t stop us from wanting to know ‘just how big is kenny’s big bird’.
Kenny : a dick is not a key. a cheebye is not a lock.
Kenny : u dun insert the key into the lock and turn clockwise.
Kenny : u insert the key, remove the key, insert the key, remove….
minishorts : hahahahaa
minishorts : wah you damn experienced hoh
Kenny : 9 months later they’ll produce a baby lock
Kenny : and a baby key
minishorts : i’m asking you about your length
minishorts : you tell me about insert key remove insert key remove
Kenny : well
Kenny : that’s for the ladies to find out.
Kenny : u better dun ask one of ur undercover agents to seduce me.
Kenny : next time i see elaine acting strangely towards me i’ll know one.
minishorts : ok change method
minishorts : i think your key…. i mean dick
minishorts : is the length of the word ‘dick
minishorts : when typed out in times new roman font size 72.
minishorts : correct?
Kenny : well
Kenny : dick is a short-form
Kenny : the actual word is dickonorsaurus.
minishorts : that one
minishorts : if it is dickonorsaurus.
minishorts : then is is the length of that word typed out in times new roman font size … 24
Kenny : scientific name. dickonosaurus cerebus palpatineus von obiwan kenobicus
Kenny : so there.
minishorts : talk kok king at his best.
minishorts : that one should be times new roman font size 10
Kenny : brb i wanna go to the toilet
Kenny : NOT to measure ok
Kenny : i drank too much water
minishorts : go measure go measure

KLCC Premier Paid Toilets Review

I heard about the Premier Paid Toilets in Suria KLCC for so long now I simply had to check it out when I was in KL last week. Honestly, how many people would pay RM2.00 to use the toilets, when for the same price they could buy:
a) a bowl of Kuching kolo mee
b) two sticks of lok-lok by the roadside
c) a pack of condom

Leave it up to the Management of KLCC to stay true to their word when they said “Always Something New”. The Premier toilets are located on Level 1 where all the designer boutique shops like Dunhill and Cartier are located. Obviously its meant to attract those atas shopper who treat money like water.
Since I’m always up for trying something new, I parted RM2 to the bored-looking lady sitting by the same old crappy counter at the entrance, and she gave me a pack of wet towel in return.

The poor man in the background didn’t know I took a photo of him happily scratching his butt

This is my pack of ‘Freshening’ wet towel. It is made in Japan. It is just like any other pack of wet towels you can find in Chinese restaurants.
In fact, the so-called Premier toilet look just like any other ‘nice’ toilets I can find in 5-star hotels or shopping malls. Suddenly, I felt as if I was cheated out of my RM2. Cheebye.
The only thing that caught my attention there was this clean-cut handsome guy wearing a formal attire, looking sharp as if he’s about to attend some important conference with Mahathir, Badawi and Co.

Except he was squatting down there cleaning the toilet floor.

I think that’s the second most unusual thing I’ve ever seen in a toilet. The first is some crazy dude taking photos inside a male toilet.

This is the urinal! It looks just like any other urinal!

Unfazed, I proceeded to do my business.
Its drier and cleaner than usual, but there’s really nothing special about this particular bowl of urinal. Now I’m really starting to regret parting ways with my RM2. For the price I’m paying, they should at least get someone to unzip my pants or something.

This is the basin area. Its probably the most tastefully decorated part of the entire ‘Premier’ toilet. The erotic red flowers, romantic bowl of potpourri and the sensual slow-burning candles make this an ideal place to have sex.
Except this is a male toilet. That sucks.
No pun intended.

Here’s a closer look at the range of Body Shop products available for use.
There’s the Bilberry Leave-In Detangler. The Vitamin E Face Mist. The Oceanus Body Mist. The Oceanus Body Lotion. The Oceanus

Stupid Body Shop. The first time I heard of the name Body Shop I was thinking to myself, “The Body Shop? What the hell do they sell? Bodies?”

This is the Bilberry (aka Blueberry) Leave-In Detangler for the hair. It supposedly helps you to relieve knotty, tangled hair and the bilberry extract will leave your hair “shiny, soft, healthy and tangle-free”.
Sounds good. I always have a problem with tangled hair.
I’m sure as hell not talking about the hair on top of my head.

I give my head a few spray of the product. Other than making my hair smell like blueberries, it doesn’t do my hair any shit. (No pun intended)
I left the KLCC Premier Paid Toilet wondering why I even bothered wasting my money on this uninspiring trip to the loo. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to feel some sort of achievement or something.
I’ve seen it once out of curiousty and I don’t think I’ll be going back there again. I don’t think anyone would. So I reckon the KLCC Management should consider changing their advertisement into something a bit more eye-catching.
Maybe something like this.

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