Tag: kennysia

Kuching Also Got Handphone Sex Scandal

Word over in Singapore is that a 17-year-old girl named Tammy recorded a video of her having sex with her boyfriend on a handphone.

Damn Ultraman toy in the background gets to see all the action.

As fate would have it, Tammy’s handphone was stolen one fine day and *SHOCK* *HORROR* the 10-minute video of the couple doing the nip-nip-wiggy-wiggy broke out to the hamsap ah peks all over the world through the evil reaches of the Internet.

Overnight, this pretty Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP) cheerleader found herself in a uhhh… compromising position (hehehe) as the latest Internet XXX star with her brand new stage name “Tammy NYP”.
When Nokia build cameras into their handphones, I bet they never intend it to be for this purpose.

Come to think of it, she might as well make use of her new found fame to endorse her school.
As someone who has experience in internet sex scandals (hehe), I honestly pity the poor girl. Say all you want, you gotta admit that she does NOT deserve all this humiliation.
True, she may had a momentary lapse in judgment – everybody does at some point. But exposing the identity of the couple? Come on. The public execution shown on the forums just goes to show how disgusting the humankind is.
I read that even her school is thinking of expelling her to save them some “face”.
See, that’s the kind of thing I don’t understand.

Remember the Nude Squat incident a sometime back? By right, you’d think the police force is gonna kena. But instead the messenger was shot dead, the perpetrator walked away scot-free. “Standard Operating Procedure” they say.
Here, the Handphone Thief got away and Tammy the Victim kena instead. What the fuck right? Maybe next time you can steal an iPod and Steve Jobs will go to jail.
Someone explain to me what kind of logic this is.

Interestingly, something similar happened in sleepy ol’ Kuching around the same time.
At least over here we have the decency not to upload the video onto the Internet and expose the identity of the couple.

Kuching animals damn power, can use handphones to send MMS.

“Animals” aye? 😉
She must be watching the Discovery Channel instead.

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I Need Sponsors

I just signed up for the 42km KL International Marathon that’s gonna happen in two weeks time.

I hate forms that ask for redundant information. What’s the point?

The only reason I did it was because Eddie issued me a challenge, promising that he’ll bank in USD50 for me if I managed to complete the whole 42 kays.
Now you know I am not one to back down from a challenge, because MY NAME IS KENNY SIA AND I HAVE TESTICLES THE SIZE OF COCONUTS DAMMIT! 😉

I hesitated at first because I know endurance is not my forte. Strength-wise I’m fine, I just don’t have the stamina for a full-fledged marathon race.
Actually I DO have stamina, just not on my feet. Somewhere higher.
Regardless, I’m obviously not in it to win it – I just wanted to see if I have the perseverance to run the full 42 km.

Likely photo of Kenny Sia, post-marathon.

There is one problem though: I’ve calculated my expenses to KL, and all-in-all I have to pay about RM700 for travel and accomodation. That is NOT good for someone who’s been living with an expanding credit card debt for the past few months.
I’m looking for corporate sponsors to finance my trip to KL. As a once-off offer only, I’m selling 1-month image advertisement space on kennysia.com for just RM300 (that’s SGD130, or USD80). Not many media that can offer 13000 daily audience for that price, so long as you’re clear that you’re sponsoring Kenny Sia and not Michael Johnson, it’s a pretty good deal. E-mail me at im [at] kennysia.com for details.

Just submitted my application form and booked my AirAsia flight to KL on the 4th March. The competition is happening 5am on the 5th March and I’m probably gonna pass out from exhaustion in the hotel room immediately after the marathon [Sorry Lainey, no more La Bodega this time]. Hmmm… do you think AirAsia flights have room for stretchers?
Speaking of which, having the competition start at 5am is damn ridiculous. Bloody hell, 5am is NOT the time to run ok, it’s the time I go to SLEEP.
Heck, they ought to have a competition JUST to see if I can wake up before 5am.

Come to think of it, me taking up the marathon challenge is a really bad idea.
It’s bad because:
1. I’ve never participated in a marathon race ever before.
2. The only training I had was walking around KLCC for 3 hours carrying Nicole’s shopping bags.
3. All the other contestants look like this.

And I look like this.

But heck, I’ve signed up already.
I just hope I can still feel my legs after the race.

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Starstudded Saturday

Just a photo-filled post for today. 🙂

I got wind that Pensonic (a Malaysian electronics brand, not to be confused with Japanese giant Panasonic) had sent some down of their celebrity spokespeople to Kuching for some PR work yesterday. The stars were partying at Senso that night and some of the big names from the local filmmaking industry were there.
Wanting a piece of the action, I went in to have a look and here are some pictures from the night.

One Chinese boy. One Malay girl. One unforgettable love story…. RIGHT.

Pint-sized actress Sharifah Amani, who starred as Orked from Malaysia’s hit movie Sepet.

Two of my favourite stars from the Sepet cast.

Kuching boy Linus Chung, who (unfortunately) is best known as the guy in Sepet who delivered that classic line “Hang Tuah… Hang Jebat… Hang Cheebye.”
What most people don’t know is that Linus is also an up-and-coming filmmaker whose work include many of Pensonic’s TV commercials and the music video for Malaysian Idol Daniel Lee’s hit Organic Love. Not bad for a small town boy from Kuching.

Linus Chung meets Hang Cheebye

Linus Chung is the only one in the room who’ve read kennysia.com, and has his own blog at thefrogcroaks.blogspot.com. Don’t ask me, I don’t get his obsession with frogs either. 🙂

Who else but the stunning international model Amber Chia, who has endorsed EVERY SINGLE BLOODY THING ON EARTH there is to endorse, from Guess watches to Stila Cosmetics to FTEC notebooks to Jasmine rice to Pensonic shower to god-knows-what-else.

I like her. She’s definitely the friendliest and best-behaved from the whole entire group. Mannnnnn, her sexxxy dance moves gave me the nosebleeds.

Linus Chung, Bjarne Wong, Carrie Lee (Beauty among the Beasts), Alwyn Tay and Kenny Sia

The guy in green in Bjarne (pronounced Bee-Yon) Wong, a friendly Sibu guy who made his mark in Hong Kong then returned to direct Sarawak’s first feature film The Legend of the Red Curse, an indie low budget Blair-Witch-Projectesque movie shot with handheld camera.

Damn that woman looks hot from all angles

A quiet drink at a nearby kopitiam later that evening, Bjarne showed me publicity posters for his next movie Possessed, this time boasting bigger budget, better film camera and bigger stars like Amber Chia and Korea’s transexual starlet Harisu (yes, she WAS a boy).

These posters aren’t even out in newspapers or magazines yet, so remember you’ve seen it first on kennysia.com. 😉
Hopefully this movie will churn out better results than his first.

With Hitz.fm Morning Crew host JJ. Out of all the stars that were there, he’s the only guy whose work I’m most familiar with ‘cos I listen to him every morning on my way to work. Delightful guy who’s as happening off air as he is on air.

Catwalk model Peng Peng. I’m not familiar with her works but she’s darn friendly.

Miss Chinese Cosmo International Carrie Lee. HOLY SHIT did you see that? That woman is ONE THIRD MY SIZE!
Let me die, just let me die.

Umm… who is this guy again? Anyone knows? 🙂 Heh.
This one is funny. Carrie Lee and Pensonic’s head honcho were making their thank you speech by the DJ Console when some crazy nutcase appeared out of nowhere, grabbed their mike and yelling “KUCHING GOOD! KUCHING GREAT!”

The expression on their faces say it all.
Anyway, later that night I was trying to get Amber Chia to hold up an “I *heart* kennysia.com” sign, as seen here with sweet Follow Me girl Angel Yeoh. Just for fun obviously.

Before I can do it though, one of those obscure Pensonic spokespeople approached me and asked me which newspaper I’m from.
KS: I’m not from any newspaper, this is just for my blog.
??: Can you promise not put up photos of us getting [insert suitable word for ‘enjoying ourselves too much’]?
KS: Yea I can promise you that. I don’t intend to anyway, it’s not ethical for me to do that.
He wasn’t convinced. A few minutes later, he approached me again and asked.

Angel Yeoh, Bjarne Wong and Sean Lee

??: Since you’re not gonna use it, you can delete it off your camera right?
KS: Err… sure.
So I pulled out my camera and delete the naughtier photos right in front of him, out of goodwill of course. I never intend to publish them, nor do I intend to cause them any bad publicity.
He STILL wasn’t convinced.

??: What’s that photo? I love… what?
KS: That’s my website address.
??: You can’t do that. You got to pay her endorsement fee if you want to use that.
KS: Oh no, I asked for her permission already. I’ve asked all of them for their permission and they said yes.
??: She’s [insert suitable word for ‘enjoying herself too much’] and doesn’t know what she’s saying. If you put it up, she can sue you for RM80,000.
KS: Alright then I won’t put it up. I’ll just keep it for myself ok?
??: No, delete, delete.
KS: No… Don’t worry I won’t publish it. You have my word for that. Promise.
Bloody guy didn’t listen. He rudely snatched over my camera and delete all the photos with the “I *heart* kennysia.com” sign on it.
Even the ones that didn’t involve the Pensonic spokespeople.

Damn pissed.

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Reader Contributed Engrish!

Immediately after I published my last entry on Shanghai Engrish, a couple of people have e-mailed me photos of Engrish they’ve spotted around China.

Spotted on the box of a massage chair:

Instead of helping you relieve the fatigue, this massage chair wants you to RELIVE the fatigue!

(Submitted by Sim Teong Chuan)
From a hotel toilet in HangZhou, China:

Be careful of wet floor!

(via Leonard Png, who got it from an e-mail)
From a restaurant menu in a Chinese three-star hotel:

“Picks” = chop

“Three texts cure” = sandwich
God knows what the hell they meant by “many privates”.
(More Engrish at Leonard Png’s Flickr set)

Of all the Engrish restaurant menus I came across, this one really takes the cake.
(via Weddy’s War Zone)

(More Engrish at brendyweddy)

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KLue: Malaysian Blogs 2005 Year-In-Review

The good people at KLue magazine have been very nice to me lately.

Not only have they been slacking off and secretly reading kennysia.com during office hours (yeah… work), they described me as a “valued peer of KL‘s growing community of young, creative and involved individuals”.
Eh? KL? Since when I became a Kuala Lampian? I Kuching boy leh!

Those of you living in KL should really go out there and grab an issue. It’s always filled with tons of useful info on things to do/eat/watch around KL, most of which even this “valued peer of KL’s growing community” is not aware of.
Anyway, this is my contribution to the December 2005 edition of KLue Magazine.

I didn’t write the following piece, but it’s too cute to not post it up.

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Everiday Shanghai Engrish

A correction collection of Engrish spotted during my last trip to Shanghai.
Outside Xiang Yang Market:

Golf equipment specialty store

At the Maglev train station:

Entrance To Train Rides

They obviously don’t like you here. Good riddance!

I’m supposed to walk through the wall?
Who do you think I am? The Incredible Hulk?

Shanghai train stations are not like Singapore MRT stations. You are allowed to take photos here, as long as you are shot in good manner.

Outside a restaurant serving western food:

Tan Ah Beng went to Shanghai and opened a Westerngstyle restaurant


They also serve special food for special people like you and me!

Carrefour Shanghai’s Price Guarantee:

Let’s go Carrefour buy some bang products!
(The word ‘bang’ in this case is the direct translation of the Chinese word °ô (bang4), which means ‘good quality’)

This Mr Brown dunno how to zhng his car, so he became a coffee milk mascot instead.

Mobile phone charging station:

Shanghai people don’t charge their phones. They electrify it.

And my personal favourite:

Third Annual Liang Yang Community Friendly Soccer Match.

Dunno why suddenly got antithetical couplet ocean coming up.

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Kuching Parking 101

Us Kuching drivers are really one of a kind.

See, most of us who drive on the road have a proper and legal driver’s license (I hope). Thats mean we must at least pass our theory exams on road signs, road rules and stuff right? You know, the one that says “green means go, red means stop” and so on.
I tell you hor, all these theory exams, we did it for fun only. Actually nobody use one. Bullshit only. Everyone else test their students before giving them their driving license, that’s why we do it also. Must act act a bit make it look real like that mah. Cannot just anyhow give out licenses like giving out APs. What, you think our government is Salvation Army ah?

The reality is, here in Kuching we have like, a completey different set of driving rules. Rules that apply elsewhere doesn’t always apply here.
We Kuching people, we love to be different. That’s why when you come down from our airport, the first thing you see is our state motto: “Sarawak – A Place Like No Other”.
That’s referring to our driving rules.
You know how everywhere else, traffic light green means go, orange means slow, red means stop? Over here, traffic light green means go slow like snail, orange means go slightly faster, red light means go full speed ahead – chiong ahhh!!!

But that’s nothing. You should see the way we park our cars, even more terror. This is Kuching Parking 101, proudly brought to you by kennysia.com.

Rule #1: Designated parking bays

This is important when you’re parking small cars like the Kancil or Kenari, to always stick out one of your wheels out. See, because your car is puny and insignificant, people won’t normally notice you. Your moral duty is to annoy them by parking your car slightly over the line so the other person cannot take the bay next to you.
Of course, if you drive big cars like the Pajero and you’re feel rather tulan ‘cos this stupid Kenari had taken up two parking bays, you can always do this.

Rule #2: Yellow lines.

Because it is such a chore to walk 5 steps from the parking bay, you can always park on the yellow lines right next to the shoplots to visit your favourite laksa stall.

Rule #3: Yellow boxes.

Feel free to park on our yellow boxes! See, yellow boxes are like just yellow lines, but with more lines and got nice nice cris cross pattern.
It means VIP parking.

Rule #4: Blue sign with red strike over it.

A common sight at the shoplots next to Sarawak Plaza, there’s always a row of cars parking next to this sign. This is like, Kuching’s international symbol for parking space. Other people use a big big “P”, we use this symbol.
Remember, Kuching people like to be different.

Rule #5: “Strictly No Parking”.

Just like how “Air” in Malay means “Water” when translated to English, the words “Strictly No Parking” is actually Malay. When translated to English, it means “You’re very welcome to park your car here eventhough you might block this entrance to our private car park because you are important and we love you”

Rule #6: The pedestrian walk.

If you have a 4WD, this is premium parking space reserved for you! Who cares about the pedestrians? They can always step on the busy main road to walk around your brand new 4WD if they like.
Damn those stupid pedestrians. Always causing trouble.

At this point, you must wonder. With all these people parking indescriptly at ‘alternative’ parking spaces, what happens to our normal parking bays?

Why, we use them to dry our noodles of course!

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Harry Potter Is 14 Years Old

So I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, or according the Malay subtitles, Harry Potter Dan Gelas Berapi.

It was good. Umm… make it average lah. I won’t say bad because I reckon the girl who played Cho Chang singlehandedly saved the show.
Maybe it’s just me but I don’t think Daniel Radcliffe make a believable 14-year-old Harry Potter at all.
At age 14, we certainly didn’t have the opportunity to go to school balls. We weren’t even allowed by our parents to have girlfriends because at 14, we were supposed to “concentrate on schoolwork”. The closest thing I had to dancing with a girl was standing up and holding her hands for one friggin hour in class. It wasn’t meant to romantic though – that’s our punishment for not doing our homeworks.

Heck, when I was 14 years old we don’t talk about love and crushes so openly and my female classmates don’t have boobs as big as Hermoine’s. She didn’t even look like that two episodes ago! I don’t know, maybe there’s a scene where Hermoine secretly cast a spell called A-ba-ca-Acup-to-Dcup-bra on herself. Too bad the director had to removed it due to time constraints.
Harry Potter just looks way old and grown up for his age. In fact, in one scene he looked like some Sith Lord from Star Wars.

“Harry Potter and the Revenge of the Sith”

I pity the producers. The casts are all growing up very quickly and the excessive lovey-dovey scenes in the script didn’t help. It’s like watching Dawson’s Creek set in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

  • Harry Potter = James van der beek
  • Ron Weasley = Joshua Jackson
  • Hermoine Granger = Katie Holmes

These kids grow up way too fast. I just hope they’re able to finish shooting the entire series before Daniel Radcliffe becomes Ashton Kutcher and Emma Watson turns into Jessica Simpson.

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They’re Too Young To Die

Sorry I’m not in the mood to blog, nor to entertain.
The past few days have been quite depressing for me. Not from the heavy workload I’ve been receiving, but from hearing the news about people around my age who passed away too young, and all for the wrong reasons.

First, was 28-year-old ‘La Idler’ Sondra a quiet but witty blogger from Singapore whom I met briefly at the Blogger.SG Convention. I used to read Idle Days occasionally and she’d leave comments on my blog too.
She, with a great future ahead of her, was about to migrate to the UK next year to be with boyfriend.
When I wrote about my long distance relationship, this is what she said to me.

“Hey Kenny, yeah I know what it’s like to be in a long-distance relationship as I am in one and it’s just terrible! What’s more you know that both of you have commitments and it’s hard to break them to be together. Anyway, I hope that you will be able to resolve this with Nicole, just [as] I hope to resolve this with my other half. To us!”

Sondra passed away this past Wednesday due to a form of blood disorder.
When I learnt of her news, I was guest-blogging for Cowboy Caleb, who at that time was posted overseas for a writing assignment. I knew he was worried sick about Sondra, and I knew he’s been trying to get in touch with her every day since last October to no avail.
Mr Brown called me while driving on his way to the wake. From his voice I could only hear anguish and despair. My thoughts shifted to Cowboy Caleb, who’ve only just returned to Singapore yesterday morning. When he touched down he finally got the long-awaited SMS reply from Sondra’s phone, by her sister, only to inform him that she’s forever gone.
I could only imagine the amount of shock and pain they’re going through.
Van Tuong Nguyen, 25 years old, arrested and executed for drug-trafficking.

Executed not because he was a hardcore criminal. Executed not because he was a bad person. Executed because he was helping his brother Khoa to get out of debt.
Why was Khoa in debt?
Because Khoa lost himself to drugs. He lost himself to gambling. He lost himself to meaningless gangfights, and landed himself in an expensive legal battle after he disfigured a rival gang member and left him paralysed from waist down.
No. Don’t do drugs. Don’t deal with drugs. Don’t have anything even remotely to do with drugs. If you’re not the one paying the price, your loved ones just might.

“Amidst these score of painful revelations an unspoken truth was exposed. I found myself in deep sorrow for the true victims; the families of those whom suffer as a result of losing a loved one to drugs.”

Khairul Anuar Salim, 18 years old, slashed with a sickle, but killed not by the attackers who confronted him.

Khairul was killed by this private hospital who blatantly refused to give him treatment even during an emergency.

“They wanted me to pay a deposit of RM5,000, saying his injuries were serious. I was not carrying so much money on me at that time,” [Sallehuddean, Khairul’s uncle] said. “They did not want to admit him until I paid the deposit, not even when I pointed out that this was an emergency.”
Sallehuddean said he pleaded with the hospital staff but they would not budge… a doctor came out an hour later and told the family that Khairul could not be saved.
He claimed the hospital did not want to release his body until the bill was settled.”

(More here. Source here and here)
Next time you get slashed in this country, remember to have RM5,000 lying around in your pocket.

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Cannot Take Photos Inside MRT Stations

You know, as much as I like Singapore and its people, there are things about the city state that I find annoying. Like how anal some MRT officials are.

See, I’ve been travelling a lot lately, and when I travel, I take a lot of photos.
I don’t usually get into trouble for doing that. While I tend to push my limits a little, I do have my own set of principles when it comes to photography. If people were to get upset at me if I took photos of them without permission, I can understand. What I don’t understand is why people would get upset at me for taking photos of something as innocuous as an empty MRT station.
What happened was this.
It was early Sunday morning. I was just about to get back to my hotel after pretty much partying my whole Saturday night away, which included hanging out with the former Miss Malaysia and having cold milk poured onto me by the Incredible Hulk.
The City Hall MRT station at 6am in the morning was hauntingly quiet, a huge contrast to the way it was during peak hours.

I found the scene strangely beautiful, so I primed my camera and took two shots at the almost empty MRT station.
Just as I finished my second shot, a middle-aged SMRT officer sauntered out from his booth with a pissed-off look on his face and slowly walked towards me, cowboy style.
SMRTO: What are you doing?
Kenny: Taking photos?
SMRTO: Why are you taking photos here?
Kenny: For artistic reasons.
SMRTO: You cannot take pictures in here!
Kenny: Oh ok. Sorry I didn’t realise that.
SMRTO: You have to delete the photos.
Kenny: Err… no, I’m not deleting my photos.
SMRTO: No… you have to delete them or I will have to take action.
Kenny: Well, there’s no signage around the place saying I cannot take photos in here, so I’m not deleting them. And it’s just two photos anyway.
SMRTO: We don’t put it on the signage, but it is against the regulation to take photos in here.
Kenny: Alright then, may I see the regulation?
SMRTO: Do you want me to call the police?
Kenny: No, I’m asking you to show me the regulation saying I can’t take photos in here.
SMRTO: We don’t have the regulation book in here. Our regulations you can find on our website.
Kenny: Don’t you have a hard copy of it?
SMRTO: No, there’s so many of them so we cannot list out every single thing in our book.
Kenny: Do you have Internet access?
SMRTO: No, sorry you cannot go into our booth!
Kenny: Then I’m keeping my photos.
SMRTO: If you want to do that, I have no choice but to call the police now.

With that, the SMRT Officer pulled out this big ass walkie talkie from his belt and paged someone, presumably not the police but his tai kor. As he stood aside, hundreds of thoughts went through my head simulteanously.
Kenny Kenny Kenny, what have you done? All these trouble just for those two pathetic photos? What if the police came for you? What if you went to jail for this? What if they locked you away with all hardcore rape criminals? What if those criminals got desperate and decided to poke your backside deep deep?
Your bright future ahead of you, gone, just like that.
Imagine if I went to jail. I’m gonna sit beside my cellmate and asked him “Hey buddy, what are you here for?”
“I killed me wife” he’d reply with a grunt. “And what are you here for?”
What am I gonna say?
“Oh uhh… I took some photos at the MRT station?”

Anyway, a few moments later the officer got off his walkie talkie. His superior (or the phantom “police force” or whoever it was that he’s paging) obviously thought he’s damn bo liao to bring this up and basically told him to sod off and play with his Barbie, because when he came back the horns had disappeared from his head and his voice had turned helluva lot softer.
SMRTO: I still advise you not to take any photos inside the MRT station.
Kenny: Look, you still haven’t answered my question. And all I’m asking for is a question. Not a threat, not a challenge, but a question. “May I see the regulation saying I cannot take photos in the MRT station?”
SMRTO: No… that’s why I said our regulation is on the website.
Kenny: I don’t have Internet access right now. And you have no hardcopy of the regulations, you cannot show me the regulations on screen. In other words, if myself or anyone else want to take photos in the MRT station you can do nothing about it because you cannot show them that it’s against the regulations.
SMRTO: That’s why I told you. The regulation is like whatever law in the country, there’s so many law, you don’t expect the government to put up everything you know?
Kenny: In other words, I assume the regulation do not exist and I get to keep whatever photos that I took.
SMRTO: Can you just show it to me? Fine, let’s say I find that it’s nothing then OK.
Kenny: Alright I’ll show you the photos but I refuse to delete it unless you show me the regulation.
Listen to part of the conversation (WMA, 1m56s, 297KB)

So I showed him the two bloody photos I took that started this whole brouhaha. Only then did I convince him that I’m no terrorist and I don’t plan to use the photos to plan where to hide my bombs.
When I flew back to Kuching that night, the first thing I did was logged on to the SMRT website to check if their mysterious anti-photography regulation exists. Even up till this day, I find nothing of that sort.
Thinking back, it’s kinda stupid to argue with the authority over two useless photos. But hey, I don’t like to be told what I cannot do and I guess the deadly combination of alcohol and fatigue has made me bolder that morning.
Somehow, I’m just glad I wasn’t sent to jail for taking photos. Would be interesting though. I wonder if Singaporean police also make detainees do naked ear squats like in Malaysia?

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