Category: Parody

MDG: The Final 3

Finally, our Malaysian Dreamgirl journey is coming to an end.

Adeline, Cindy, Hanis – The MDG Top 3

When we first started filming this show, these three ordinary Malaysian girls have nothing more than basic knowledge in modelling and fashion. After ten weeks of intensive modelling bootcamp, workshops, marathon photoshoot sessions, look at where they are now.

Cindy

Adeline, Cindy and Hanis have all blossomed into professional models in different ways and in the process, defeated nine other hopefuls to become the first Top 3 of Malaysia’s online reality model search.

Adeline

Damn. I’m gonna miss the drama so much when the show is over.
At the same time, I am very pleased with how much they have all improved. Their photos speak for themselves.

Hanis

In the end, it is up to the public.
Judging from the comments online, Hanis seems to be the favourite at the moment, although Cindy’s vicious family support seems to put her in a lead ahead of the rest.
Regardless, it is important to SMS your votes on who YOU would like to win Malaysian Dreamgirl.

To vote for CINDY, SMS DREAM 03 to 33001.


To vote for ADELINE, SMS DREAM 01 to 33001.


To vote for HANIS, SMS DREAM 06 to 33001.
SMS costs RM1 each and voting closes 11:59pm this Monday, so THERE IS STILL AMPLE TIME TO VOTE! Each vote you send also automatically enters you into a draw to win a RM10,000 preloaded AmBank NexG Prepaid Mastercard.
Who shall win the title of the first ever Malaysian Dreamgirl?

Will it be CINDY?


Will it be ADELINE?



Or will it be HANIS?

All will be revealed 6:30pm this Tuesday night at the Malaysian Dreamgirl Grand Finale at 1Utama.
I don’t know who will win, but one thing for sure – I wanna get an autograph from Cindy’s Dad at the Grand Finale.

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Transformers Made In Malaysia

One of the biggest blockbuster movies coming out from Hollywood this season is Transformers.

I watched it and I thought it was a really kickass movie.
The true stars of the shows are of course those damn sexy sweet cars that can transform into robots. And with the movie featuring new cars never seen before in Malaysia like the Chevrolet Camaro, the Pontiac Soltice and the modified Ford Mustang police car, I reckon Transformers has just succeeded in making many boyfood fantasies come true.

But after watching such an action-packed Hollywood movie, I walked back to my car and thought… What if Transformers were made in Malaysia?
Imagine how different it is gonna be like.

Firstly, there’s not gonna be some silly little planet called Cybertron anymore. Instead, our Transformers will be coming in from Cyberjaya.
The bad guys will not be called the Decepticons and the good guys will not be called Autobots .
To reflect our true Malaysian flavour, the bad guys’ name will be changed to DeceptiProtons.

And the good guys?
Peroduabots.

Heck, maybe the title of movie won’t even be called Transformers anymore.
If it were made in Malaysia, we would call it Kereta Tukar-Menukar!

And what’s a Transformers movie without cars that can change into giant cool robots, right?
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the fearless leader of the Peroduabots

Optimus Kancil.

Don’t underestimate this baby. When it is ready to go to battle, just watch this sleek little machine transform into a fighting robot as it yells out that famous catchphrase.

“Peroduabots… TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT!”


Ok, maybe not.

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Another Fight Video Discovered On The Internet

This is horrible. What has the world come to?
Hot on the heels of the Miri Schoolgirl Fight, I’ve found YET ANOTHER fight video recorded on handphone and uploaded on to the Internet. This one 100 times more brutal and violent than the last one.
As far as I know, no one has this video yet. Remember, you’ve seen it first on kennysia.com.

Seriously, there is no hope for these children.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
OMG! This gotta be a Malaysia’s first. This clip has made it to the Top #13 Top #11Most Viewed Video on Youtube!
Alas, a lot of people don’t “get it” since they don’t get the context in which the video is based upon.
And they called us “japanese” and “mexicans”.

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World Cup Roti Canai

Interesting news in the papers today.

You gotta hand it over to roti canai makers in Malaysia for always managing to come up with creative names for a seemingly simple piece of pancake.
A few years back I’ve only heard of Roti Canai (plain), Roti Susu (milk), Roti Telur (egg). These days they’re churning out new names as fast as Nokia churning up new mobile phones.

*cough*lgchocolate*cough*

An enterprising restaurant owner in Penang has banked in on the World Cup fever and came up with a range of roti canais named after teams in the World Cup 2006. Among them Roti England (potato and butter), Roti Brazil (banana and chocolate), Roti Korea (crabsticks).
What is Roti France? French toast?
That’s all fine and dandy, because these are all popular teams in the competition.
But what about those lesser-known countries? Do they have a Roti Trinidad & Tobago? What about Angola or Tunisia? Who is gonna make a roti canai for them?

See, I don’t like favouritism or elitism. I think the qualifying teams for the World Cup 2006 all worked hard and all deserve to have a roti canai named after them. No one should be left out.
So I’ve taken the liberty to create my own recipes for some of the lesser-known countries competiting in the World Cup.

First up, is a roti named after a first-time qualifying nation from Africa,
Roti Togo!

Delicious and flaky roti canai topped with an ornamental tribal mask, this roti is sure to make the African drums in your tongue beating through day and night.

Next, is my tribute to the richest oil-producing nation in the world,
Roti Saudi Arabia!

This is one roti canai soaked with so much cooking oil, you can build a freakin’ oil rig on top of it.

If that’s neither of those are your taste, maybe you’d like to take a bite at…
Roti Iran!

You’ve all heard of Roti Bom, but have you ever heard of Roti Nuclear Bom?
I tell ya, it’s gonna be such a blast.

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How To Make Your Own Official World Cup Ball

As the FIFA World Cup goes into full swing, I find myself deeply engrossed in the world’s most popular sport.

I wasn’t normally like that. I hardly followed the EPL or any other forms of soccer/football championships for that matter in the past. In my free time I do plenty of sports, mainly running and swimming, but I’ve never played soccer my entire life.
The truth is, I suck when it comes to balls.

No no no, what I meant was –
I find ball games a little too hard to play.
No, wait.
Ahhh screw it.

Oh my. On the pitch? I think that’s a foul.

My point is, I have a newfound interest in soccer thanks to the World Cup and I’m considering taking up the sport.
Over the weekend, I was at the shopping centre looking through some shoes, jerseys and stuff when I spotted the official ball for this year’s World Cup – theadidas Teamgeist.

This photo is taken with the LG Chocolate phone

OMG I WANT THAT BALL!
What an absolute beauty of ball sitting right there in front of the shop seemingly saying to me, “Buy me, Kenny! Buy me!”
Hypnotised by it’s sexy curves, I sauntered dreamily to the ball, picked it up and much to my horror I saw this staring right back at me.

What the hell?! 400 bucks for a freakin’ soccer ball?! CCB SIMILAN ISLAND WHAT A RIP-OFF!
You gotta be wondering how much of a killing adidas is making right now just selling those balls.
RM400 per ball! RM400 is a lot ok! Not some small amount little kids can afford ok! RM400 can buy me 180 bowls of kolo mee and I’d still have some spare change to keep. And you expect me to spend it on a seemingly normal ball with some stupid curves and the ridiculous Germany 2006 logo on? DREAM ON!
Sien. The CEO of adidas must be swimming in a pool filled with cash right now. Makes me want start my own business selling balls as well. Too bad I only have two and I need them both.

If you’re anything like me, you’d feel very tulan as well. It’s like, you want something so much but you just can’t see yourself spending so much money on something so unjustifiably overpriced that it’s killing you inside.
Just then a light bulb appeared over my head. I thought to myself… why not make my own soccer ball? The Teamgeist is loaded with all these fancy technology a casual player wouldn’t care. All we care about is the look. Why pay so much for a soccer ball that looks good? Make your own!

Yes, that’s right. For a fraction of the cost of an authentic adidas Teamgeist, I could make my very own official FIFA World Cup 2006 soccer ball. And I’m gonna show you how.
First, you’d need a regular soccer ball. Any one will do. Get a “Made In China” one at your local sports store for a cheap RM40.

Sure, it won’t last as long and the specs aren’t as good, but the improvements in the Teamgeist ball are minimal in practice you probably won’t notice it anyway.
Then you gotta spray the ball all white.

Use spray paint of ICI Dulux, whichever you prefer. Gotta have a white background before you paint the designs on later ya know?
Now comes the difficult part.

You know how the Teamgeist ball features the signature World Cup trophy-inspired ’rounded propellers’? That’s important. That’s the whole reason why so many wanted the ball in the first place.
But how do you do it?
Easy.

You get a box of Kotex.


Stick ’em all over your ball.


Add drawings with a marker pen and there you go!

Your very own Official FIFA World Cup Teamgeist Ball.

They look so similar no one can tell the difference.
Better still, if your girl is expecting her monthly matter, you can just peel one off your ball to let her use. And she’d be so in love with you.

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Kenny Sia Attempts To Write A Bimbo Blog

It’s tough job being a male blogger sometimes.
Some people write for themselves and some people write for an audience. Like most people, I do both and I reckon kennysia.com did a pretty good job so far balancing them.
I do have to admit though that I don’t always find writing for an audience easy at all. Most people tell me that they visit my blog for laughs. I acknowledge that. However ideas, inspiration and wit are not something that come 24/7. They go through a cyclical pattern, much like a woman’s menstrual cycle.

So occassionally during my low point I get people telling me, “Eh Kenny, write something funny lah.” I try to tell them “Eh friend, I’m gonna be very busy the next two weeks hor. Can you like, make my girl have PMS right now so we can get it over and done with?”
That usually shuts them right up.
It’s so much easier being a female blogger.
Guys can only write so much humour, politics and technology before we run out of inspiration. For girls, they can write the same stuff if they wanted to, but they can also write a bimbo blog.
Bimbo blog is a genre of blogging that’ll never go out of style. They’re characterised by the blogger (usually female) posting up half-an-Internet-full-of-bandwidth-sucking photos of themselves going about doing stuff like partying, going for manicures, shopping, partying, attending fashion shows, partying, doing their make-up, partying, meeting celebrities, going on a cruise, partying, partying, partying… zzzzzzz.

Bimbo blogs may not have a lot of substance or thought-provoking content, but you know what? They’re fun. And people read it. And people DIG those shit. I know I do. Just look at the female bloggers I linked to on my sidebar – half of them write darn good bimbo blogs.
I read a lot of bimbo blogs because I’m a hot-blooded male and I never stop being curious about the opposite sex since puberty.
One thing though. Bimbo blogs are strictly the realm of female bloggers. Guys can’t write bimbo blogs. I mean if you’re a guy and you enjoy posting up multiple hi-resolution self-indulgent photos of yourself, mannnnn… you got some serious issues to deal with, mate. Stop touching my body.

That’s precisely the reason why I can’t help but to feel envious of Xiaxue sometimes. I know it’s a bit mean for me to say this, me being her personal friend, I love her and all that. But Xiaxue doesn’t exactly write the most cheem stuff you know, and yet the advertisers LOVE her! They love her to DEATH!
I don’t understand. How on God’s Green Earth is one girl able to, just by writing a pink bimbo blog, attract all those companies giving her free T-shirts, free cruises, free MP3 players, free contact lens solution, free manicure, free hairstyling, etc. At the same time still able to earn MORE advertising revenue in a month than my monthly salary working 9-5.

Heck, I’m getting more hits now than Xiaxue when she first got her Localbrand endorsement. WHERE IS MY ENDORSEMENT DEAL?! WHERE IS MY DAWN YANG TALENT AGENCY CONTRACT!? Hello? Big time major corporate companies!? Does being the No.1 Malaysian blog on Technorati not mean ANYTHING to you???
Ok ok ok, maybe not.
My point is, I’m drowning in a green pool of jealousy at all these perks the bimbo blogs are getting. I think it’s clear.
BIMBO BLOG = MONEY.
So I figured, why not turn kennysia.com into a bimbo blog? I’d love to go on a free cruise. I’d love to get a free MP3 player. If they can do it, why can’t I?
I mean, how DIFFICULT could it be? All I got do is… post up many many photos of myself.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I am in a good mood today so I am going to give you all make up tips.
These are my nails.

These are my nails after I put on fake nails.

I am so pretty.


These are my eyes.

These are my fake eyelashes.

These are my eyes after I put on fake eyelashes.

I am so pretty.

This is Superstar Virgo.

They sponsored my cruise trip. I am so happy. Please support Superstar Virgo.

Here are some photos of me clubbing with my friends.



Ok gtg. In case you forgot how chio I am, here’s a reminder.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

Don’t you think I’m so gorgeous?

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Weight Loss Ads Are Ridiculous

Am I the only one finding this whole thing absurd?

Flip open the papers, walk down the stores. Everywhere we go these days we’re constantly being bombarded by hundreds and thousands of weight loss ads. Marie France, Mayfair Bodyline, Slimming Sanctuary, Unisense.

You seen them once, you seen them all:
1. All of them claim the EASIEST way to weight loss
2. All of them cost TOO BLOODY EXPENSIVE
3. All of them feature endorsements by perfect-looking celebrities WHO PROBABLY HAVE NEVER EVER BEEN FAT BEFORE IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE!

It’s damn illogical ok. These celebrities are not even human ok, they’re freaking GODDESSES. They don’t NEED those weight loss products to look good. Why are they the one endorsing it? It doesn’t make sense.
The latest culprit in this relentless assault of celebrity-endorsed weight loss ads seems to be massager-manufacturing giant Osim. In Singapore, it’s Mediacorp star Fiona Xie. Here in Malaysia, it’s 8TV hottie Marion Caunter.

It was horrible. It’s like everywhere I go I see cardboard cutouts of Marion Caunter doing THAT pose. It’s like she plugged herself into The Matrix and asked Agent Smith to clone multiple versions of herself. Not that I’m complaning really, though personally I would prefer a real-life Marion Caunter than a cardboard Marion Caunter.

Feeling irritated, I decided to pen a letter to Osim International demanding an explaination.

I mailed out the letter this afternoon. Here’s the content.

Mr Ron Sim
Chief Executive Officer
Osim International Pte Ltd
65 Ubi Ave 1
#07-00 Singapore
408939
Dear Sir,
Re: Spokespersons For Osim uZap
I am writing to you to express my extreme disappointment at Osim International’s decision to use Fiona Xie and Marion Caunter as spokespersons for Osim uZap in Singapore and Malaysia respectively.
My disappointment has nothing to do with Fiona and Marion personally, as I’m fan of them both and I enjoy their work in the media industry tremendously.
My disappointment has more to do with the fact that Osim uZap is a slimming product, and the fact that Fiona and Marion have perfect bodies all their lives. In that sense, they are unfit (pardon the pun) to tell people that Osim uZap has a positive effect on their bodies because it is illogical to make a perfect body… even more perfect.
I think Osim International should not use Fiona and Marion as spokepersons, but instead you should use a less-than-perfect spokesperson for Osim uZap. That way, you would sound more credible and believable when you tell people that uZap works, and people will not just anyhow say that Osim is talking cock.
Where to find a less-than-perfect spokesperson you ask?
Not to worry, as I have already found the perfect candidate to be the less-than-perfect spokesperson for Osim uZap. That person is… me!
Hereby enclosing two photos of myself for your kind consideration.


Please make me your uZap spokesperson.
Yours faithfully,
Kenny Sia
im@kennysia com

I wonder if they’re even gonna reply.

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When A Good Layout Isn’t Exactly Important

I’m honestly a little bit that surprised my entry on Blogskin Sins received more backlash than expected.
They said:
“Its their website and they can do whatever they want.”
“Its not for you to comment on their blogs. Leave them alone.”
“Even if they committed those ‘Blogskin sins’. I’m still going to read it if the content is good.”
I say:
“True, I’m not saying they have to change their layout just to suit my taste. I’m just saying if they’re hoping the majority will read their blog with that kind of layout, then they can just keep on hoping.”
Who said interesting content is more important than friendly layout? If you haven’t got a good layout, its gonna be difficult trying to read the content anyways.

Example of a badly-made Blogskin.

Well, this entry is dedicated to those who think bad Blogskins is acceptable. The navigation buttons are hidden. Good luck trying to figure out where to click. This is also my site and I can do whatever I want, right?
Enjoy.

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