A Nation of Morons

I have a lot to say about the recent furore over the Prophet Mohammed cartoons which were published in a Danish paper and reprinted worldwide.

I have a lot MORE to say after the Sarawak Tribune, a major local newspaper had its license indefinitely suspended by the government for doing its job by reporting balanced, factual news.
I wrote an entry defending both sides, but I changed my mind and with a click of a button, deleted the said entry and banished my thoughts into the oblivion of my desktop Recycle Bin.
Yep. I decided that I’m not going to say anything about this issue at all.

See, I’ve learnt that by talking about anything remotely related to cultural and religious practices here isn’t gonna help achieve anything but bringing me threats, personal attacks and ISA detentions. And so, I censor myself and shut up. Because hey, it doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is what the big boys in Putrajaya and Bukit Aman think right?
It’s wonderful living in this country. You don’t need to have an opinion, you don’t need to think, you don’t need to speak. You just sit on your damn asses and follow the masses.
Like sheep we are.

I always find it ironic that I a lot more Malay friends and learnt so much about Islamic culture living in Australia than I ever did in my 15 years in Malaysia. I could misinterpreted Muslim customs from time and time, and they’re always nice enough to explain to me without the personal attacks.
We communicate, we compromise, we correct each other. From there, we learn.

You know what’s wrong with this country?
We’re ignorant. We don’t know each other well enough.
Some of us are NOT sensitive enough. Others are TOO sensitive to the point where even the slightest misunderstanding is an opportunity for them to cause an uproar, wreak havoc, and force the victim into career suicide.

If you say something that inadvertently offended a group of people because you’re not careful, EVEN IF THE INTENTION TO CAUSE HARM AND MALICE IS NOT THERE, you’ll be shamed, locked up in jail or violently put away.
That’s the problem with this country. We’re too sensitive, too easily offended, too vindictive. We hardly look at things in context because we’re engrossed in teaching other people a lesson. There’s NO exchange of ideas, NO chance to learn, NO opportunity for compromise. Sometimes you don’t even know what hit you.
You have a mouth, but you can’t speak. The only time you can speak, is when people want you to duck their sicks. If you want to use your mouth for purposes other than ducking sicks, shut up.

We shut up because we don’t wanna offend. We don’t talk about these issues because it’s “sensitive”. And because we don’t communicate, we don’t know. And because we don’t know, over time we become even MORE stupid. This in turn make us even MORE afraid to communicate, which makes us even MORE stupid.
It’s a vicious cycle that’s gonna continue, until the day we become a nation of morons.

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Girls I’d Date Based On Their Online Personalities

It’s love season again!

About a year ago, Finicky Feline wrote an amusing entry listing the guys she’d hypothetically date based on their online personalities. I thought it was pretty cute (partially because I was on it. hehe)
It’s always been very difficult and time-consuming to know someone new online. You spend a lot of time chatting and e-mailing to find out about that person. With blogs these days, things are sped up a lil bit. You can usually get a pretty good idea what a person is like from their blog before you even meet up with him/her.

In the lead up to Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d put up a list of chicks I’d date solely based on their online personalities. Looks sorta count. Habits and real life personas don’t. I’m judging them based only on how they present themselves online and nothing more.
Oh, and I better emphasise that we’re only talking about a HYPOTHETICAL situation here. 😉 I’m absolutely not trying to go after any of them. So to the boyfriends of the girls below, you can put away your sticks and parangs now. Don’t bash me up hor.
Girls I’d date, in no particular order.
Linda Chia

This girl is all class from head to toe, but Linda is more than just a pretty face.
I’ve seen so many guys mistook her for an idiotic slut, and then I watch them get shredded to smithereens by dear Linda without her even breaking a sweat. It shows that she’s tough and independent enough to defend herselves, and all the small obstacles in life mean shit to her. Too many girls are bitching and whining about every damn thing from boyfriends to Hello Kitties these days, Kick-ass chicks like Linda Chia is rare gem. Low maintenance also. Nice.

Finicky Feline

She has it all. The brains, the wit, a stable career in engineering. I read about how she tried quitting smoking, how she’s picking up Mandarin, how she dealt with breakups. Unlike many others, this girl is not vain, not narcissistic and definitely not a bimbo. In fact, FF has already achieved and experienced much more than anyone her age could imagine. She is just full of inspiration and determination, and I reckon she should be the role model for all young emo girls out there.
What I like is that she writes really well and puts up awfully truthful entries on boys, girls, and boy-girl relationships. Although she can be a lil intimidating at first, the moment of truth came when I rang her up during my last trip to Singapore. She was already fast asleep so when she picked up the phone, all I could hear was the most erotic bedroom voice on the other end.
For a while there I thought I was calling 1900-GirlsChat.
Nabeh, she just put up a post saying she won’t date Saggitarians! 🙁


The real question is, who doesn’t want to date her? FireAngel is sassy, she’s pretty, and she’s absolutely downright hilarious. I like that. If you’re not convinced, check out her homemade video here (not the one like Paris Hilton lah, you dirty-minded bastards!)

FireAngelism is not just a blog. It’s an attitude. No no no, it’s a RELIGION. And I’m a follower. So don’t even think of putting up stupid cartoons of her or I’ll burn down your blog.

There’s actually a lot more lah, but I’ll just put up these three ‘cos this is getting long and it’s getting late.
But I think it’s pretty clear the type of girls that I like, right? I like the smart, informed, witty and intelligent ones, independent and strong on their own, yet not afraid to kick some serious ass when the situation calls for it (as long as it’s not my ass).
Think Angelina Jolie in Tuan dan Puan Smith.

Those are really sexy qualities in a lady, and I think those girls have it and more.

Is there someone online, blogger or not, that you don’t mind dating if the circumstances are right? Perhaps now is the time to brighten up someone’s day and let that person know. 🙂


naeboo: u work on sat or not
Kenny: i work till 12:30
Kenny: then i work out
naeboo: u work out so much for what
naeboo: see no results also
naeboo: dont waste time la
naeboo: juz sleep la
Kenny: i just started lah doink
Kenny: you think everyone has your metabolism!
naeboo: i think of this already when u say u workout

Kenny: YOU ASS
Yes I saw the unKenny resemblence too.

Because Good Girls Like Bad Boys

Met up with naeboo and her younger brother when they came to town this long holidays.

naeboo = angel trapped inside a devil’s body

naeboo’s brother Kaiser is 17 years old, just finished his SPM exams, has a good-looking boyish face cute enough for me to wanna wither away and melt in a sticky green pool of jealousy.
Anyway, Kaiser got a girlfriend a few months ago. And naeboo was telling me how when she found out, in the back of her mind she’s already planning to sit down and have a nice discussion with him on boy-girl relationships – as all good sisters do.

Little did she know, her baby brother is already an expert in relationships. So expert in fact, that he sports not just one, but TWO GIRLFRIENDS!
kennynaeboochowcowboy! That two-timing bastard!

How the hell does a 17-year-old boy do that?
“Leng zhai mah”, he answered. Ta ma de.
Everytime I hear stories of men who have more than one girlfriends, I get the feeling of repugnance and disgust and envy. But mostly envy.
Yes, envy. Who wouldn’t be envious of guys who can have one girl in each arm? After all, one hole is good, but two holes are better than one.

Six holes lagi best

It’s tough enough handling one woman myself. Let alone two.
“So which one are you going to spend time with this Valentine’s?” I casually asked him.
“Don’t care lah, I just stay at home. Just find an excuse and tell them I don’t have car to bring them out enough liaw”

Guess that means he won’t be eating this opportnistic money-grabbing pizza creation

But I’m still not convinced. “How about gifts? There’s Valentine’s Days, Birthdays, Christmas Days and Anniversaries to take care of. And girls are so materialistic these days. One girlfriend is enough to break my bank. How the heck are you able to afford all those gifts for TWO girlfriends?”
Kaiser opened his eyes big big and screamed “YOU STUPID LAH!”, like I’m the foulest disgrace to all of human race.
“You buy them gifts for WHAT?! Spoil them nia. You buy for them once and they’ll always be expecting you to spend on them instead. Don’t buy for them lah, let them buy for you instead! Like me.” he said, pulling out his brand spanking new leather wallet, obviously a gift.
Kaiser said it so matter-of-factly like I was asking him if the Earth is round.

(Halfway through our conversation, Kaiser’s mobile phone beeped and a message from one of his girlfriends came through. It says “saranghae”. SARANGHAE! What the fart!? KOREAN AH!?!?!??)
It’s true, you know. Acting gentlemanly used to be such an appreciated and noble act in the past. Alas, times have changed. Girls these days are too pampered and spoilt beyond recognition. Nothing else seems to satisfy their increasing apetite anymore.

All these while I’ve been thinking driving girls around, spending all my free time with them and paying for their dinner is the mark of a true gentleman. Bollocks. Put a woman on an island with a hopeless romantic and scruffy rocker, she’ll end up with the scruffy rocker, even if he’s only capable of saying few sweet words and cares for nothing more than himself.
That’s not to say hopeless romantics won’t get the girl. They will – only those stupid brainless giggly girls who say “yes” to everything lah. The hotter ones tend up end up with guys who have gentlemen qualities of a dead tree branch.

Nowadays, it seems as if the more attention we pay on girls, the more they think it is their god-given right to have that. You give her silver, she asks for gold; you give her gold, she asks for platinum; you give her platinum, she asks for DOUBLE platinum.
It’s a vicious never-ending cycle, and us men are always on the losing end.

If we pay less attention to them, they’ll work harder to get on our good side. So come on now, my brothers! We don’t HAVE TO let our women walk all over us! After all, they’re the ones who said “nan reng bu huai, nu ren bu ai” (men who aren’t bad, girls will not like). See? They asked for it!
If being gentlemenly means we’ll continue to be unappreciated, man I say forget about it. I’m gonna go become a bad boy now. 🙂

The Four Stages of Life

The Four Stages of Life, according to Leong – a new friend I met recently.
Stage 1:
When you’re born, you are treated like royalty. Your mother spoon feeds you. Your father carries you on his back. When pretty ladies come to visit, they hug you and hold you close to their chests. You have no worries in the world, because every single thing is taken care of just for you.

You are a KING.

Stage 2:
You grow up. You start to have worries. Are the bills getting paid? Does wifey have enough allowance? Is Ah Boy getting fed? You work day and night. Few appreciate what you do, because they see it as your responsibility. You work not for yourself, but for your boss, your company, your family.

You are a BULL.

Stage 3:
You age, and you retire from work. Your kids are all grown up now. They have their girlfriends, boyfriends to go out with. They have go to work, or maybe go overseas to further their education, using your money of course. And what about you? You stay at home everyday, looking at the front door, waiting for your kids to come back home.

You are a DOG.

Stage 4:
Your kids are married now. They have their own family. They have kids. But when they go to work, who takes care of the kids? YOU LAH! Abuden? And so you’re left with entertaining your grandchildren. You lift them up, swing them around, put them on your back, and run around making stupid noises. “Kuchi kuchi kooo~ A booo~ A booo boo boo~”

You become a MONKEY.

These are the four essential stages of life. But for most people, there’s also one last inevitable stage.

You become a PICTURE!

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Kayak In Kuching

Francis Ho is the coolest 49-year-old I know in Kuching.

When I met this guy at the Kuching Bloggers Meet about 2 weeks ago, I was wondering what the heck is this uncle doing with a bunch of 20-something/teenage bloggers. Dodgy right! After all, we live in a crazy world nowadays and sadly, not everything is as rosy as it’s meant to be.
Turns out that Francis has more than enough reason to be there.

Francis is an architect by profession, and the author of Kuching Kayaking – possibly the only blog site dedicated to kayaking in Kuching.
Kenny: “What? You mean there are places to kayak in Kuching?”
Francis: “Eh hello friend, Sarawak is not nicknamed The Land of Rivers for nothing ok!”

According to Francis, Sarawak has boutique-quality rivers that rival some of the best in the world. It’s a mystery why river sports aren’t popular among Sarawakians, and a bigger mystery why the tourism industry never tapped into this potential of the state.
Francis and I agreed to meet up again on the 4th day of CNY (a Wednesday) to take me out for my virgin kayaking trip.

Of course lah, me being me, I had to go screw it up by confusing the 4th day of CNY with a Thursday (I knew it’s the fourth day of something!) Ended up delaying the trip for a good one hour, and making everyone feel like hitting me with the kayak paddle.

We set out for Sungai Sarawak Kanan (Sarawak River East), departing from the town of Krokong and (hopefully) end up at The Wind Caves near Bau. Joining us were veterans Joseph and Danny, and fellow kayaking virgins Mary and Lau.

This is me getting all geared up. I regretted not wearing long-sleeve that day. My shoulders are getting all lobster-ized from the fierce sun rays as I’m typing this.

Charlie’s Angels gone wrong: Lau and Mary, furniture shop owners; Francis, main guide; Danny, civil engineer/commando; Kenny, excess baggage; Joe, second-in-command

And that’s our team before we set off!
I took the same boat with Francis, which is good for me but bad for him. Why? Because many times when the boat got so heavy it wouldn’t even move! The 49-year-old uncle had to get off the boat and tug it to the deeper end.
#%^&*#@! I’ll go on diet soon lah ok! Hehe.

Ten minutes into our journey, I realised why kayaking is such a passion for Francis Ho.

The view from the river isn’t just amazing, it’s simply breathtaking. The air here is as fresh as it can get. The sounds of birds and wildlife are like music to the ears. This is like entering your own private sanctuary. I never knew a place like this existed – right in my own backyard.

500m onwards, I began to see some unique wave-like rock formations by the river bank. These spectacular sculptures aren’t even man-made, but the results of years of water damage and erosion.

The weather was almost perfect, though it rained briefly during our journey. Doesn’t matter anyway, ‘cos we’re wet already. Err… wet from water splashes, not from orgasmic ecstacy ok. 😉

It was exhausting paddling non-stop, and we took many breaks along the way whenever we can. Francis was doing ok though. I can’t believe I don’t have the stamina of someone more than twice my age, old enough to be my father!
Actually I DO have the stamina, just not in the arms department. Somewhere lower lah.

There’s no toilets around so when we had to go, we relieve ourselves into the river. Heh… hope no one is bathing downstream. Free urine shower gel!

We encountered some friendly people along the way, like this native kampung boy who was fishing with a spear gun.

And some crazy people doing back flips from the rocks into the water.

By 2pm, we could hear sounds of picnickers playing about in the water. A bend later, we finally arrived at our destination – Wind Cave National Reserve.
We conquered Sungai Sarawak Kanan! We departed from Krakong around 10am, so that makes it 4 hours to cover the distance of over 15km.

Download Kayak in Kuching Video here [MPG, 1m26s, 1.25MB]
It’s my first time kayaking and I find it an exhausting but worthwhile experience. My fingers are still hurting from paddling too hard. It hurts so bad in fact that I’m typing this entry using my toes now.

The rivers of Sarawak are this state’s best kept secrets, and the best way to enjoy them in all their splendour is by boat. I’m grateful to have met Francis through our blogs, otherwise I wouldn’t even have discovered this hidden treasure in my own homeland.

Sarawak is the Land of Rivers, and Sungai Sarawak Kanan is just the first river I had the pleasure of kayaking in. After yesterday, I’m almost certain that it wouldn’t be my last.

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