My Virgin Gay Experience – Big Gay Out 2005

If you came here (heh) because you were thinking what I thought you were thinking, I am sorry to inform you that my butthole is exactly the same size as it was before. πŸ™‚
Last Saturday, I attended the Big Gay Out 2005 concert/party at The Court Hotel in Northbridge. I didn’t plan on attending it initially, but for reasons I detailed previously, I decided what the heck, I’ll just give it a shot (hehe). It was my first time attending a gay & lesbian event, hence the title of this entry.
Initially, I was supposed to bring Nicole with me, but she had stomach pains that evening. So being the perfect boyfriend that I am, I left her home alone whilst I went to the Court Hotel myself.
Vanessa Amorosi and band

Vanessa Amorosi and her band were incredible on stage.

When I got there at 10pm, the place was already jam-packed. The highlight of the night was Vanessa Amorosi, who is an Australian singer with minimal success locally and virtually no success internationally. I was wrong about her singing abilities. Despite her pint size, Vanessa Amorosi has impressive vocals comparable to Whitney Houston and she sounded amazing live on stage. The front row of the crowd was only an inch to the stage, and the audience was so crazy, so loud yet so well behaved. Vanessa Amorosi summed it up when she said “Perth fucking rocks!”
The crowd off stage

The crowd was only inches from the stage.

For me, it was as entertaining to watch the gig on stage, as it was to see the people at the gig off stage. Like I said, it was my first time at a gay club. I went there with some stereotypes on my mind *Kenny visualised big buff muscular men in pink tutus*. I was very wrong actually. In my opinion, the gay club isn’t any much different to any other regular nightclubs. The only difference is: instead of me standing alone in the corner with a beer in my hand watching 300 men kissing/groping their girls , I was standing alone in the corner with a beer in my hand watching 300 men kissing/groping each other.
Lesbian couples kissing

Couples publicly displaying their affection for each other.

There are straight people at the event, but probably only about 20 out of 1000 that were there. The rest of the people were all gay couples who very openly show their affection for one another with all the kissing and groping that goes on. Once you accepted the fact that that’s the way gays behave, you’ll find it slightly amusing and realise that it wasn’t actually that gross.
Middle-aged lesbian couples

Middle-aged lesbian couples.

There’s a good mix of different age groups and different races of people there. Many people often have the misconception that gay guys are very good looking guys who take very good care of themselves with all these moisturizing and exfoliating that’s going on. (The term ‘metrosexual’ applies to men who do all that but are still straight, eg David Beckham and the cover models of GQ magazine) Well that’s true to a certain extent, but not all of the gay guys are like that.
Bikie gang gay couples

Bikie gang gay couples.

Look at them! Try calling these people metrosexuals! (Well actually you can’t, because they are gays.)
The revellers there are kind enough to pose for photos everytime I ask them.
Pretty girl

Pretty girl?

Look at the one on the right. Pretty cute isn’t it? Well, all I can say is that ‘she’ is not that kind of girl. πŸ™‚
7 feet tall drag queen

7 feet tall drag queen

There were quite a few drag queens parading around. Some of them are seven feet tall and can easily throw me out of the club with one swift kick. Despite their intimidating size, they are actually very nice and gentle. This one accidentally bumped into me. But instead of being told to ‘fuck off’ like what usually happen, he said to me in the most hair-raising voice “Oh, SHHAAAAAAWWWWW-REEEEEEEIIIIII!, and then gay-waved at me. I find it mildly amusing.
The trio of gay guys in question

The trio of gay guys in question.

One of the most memorable event that night happened when I was about to leave the club. I noticed a trio of fairly goodlooking guys sitting on the table, so I approached them asking if I can take a photo of them. They obligingly posed, and then asked to see the picture on my digital camera. The guy in the middle then asked me.
“Zis iz not for the newsh-paper, iz it?”
“Not at all. Its for my personal website that’s all!”
“Oh zhat’s ok! Zjust that I’m not allowed to appear on the newspaper, zhat’s all!” (I didn’t ask him why.)
“No worries! Its not gonna appear on the newspaper for sure.”
“What’s your name?”
“I’m Kenny.”
“Oh hi Kenny! Do you workout?”
“Yes I do, but not much these days.”
“Realllyyy?? You look great, you know.”
He then proceeded to squeeze my biceps while the guy on the right touched and squeezed my right breast.

Well.
Err…
Strangely, it felt good.

Riggghhhhttttt…

Heh. So what do you think?
Have you ever been flirted by someone the same-sex as you? Or, if you are gay/lesbian/bisexual, do you flirt and fondle with your straight friends – just for kicks? Tell me!

Reflections on Perth – 2003

7 Days Left.
This time next week I shall leave Perth for good.
Nicole arrived two days ago. We have this much time to spend together before we leave each other, not knowing when we will meet again.
People often ask me, “Kenny, are you sure this is what you wanted to do?”
I gave them a very simple answer, “I have only one father.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
The year was 2003. Arnold became the Governator of California. The planet Mars became visible on our skies. The SARS virus hit most of Asia, causing thousands of deaths. Meanwhile, fashion trendsetters in Hong Kong released… Hello Kitty face masks! On a more serious note, Mahathir stepped down as the Prime Minister of Malaysia. Love him or hate him, everyone have to agree that he had made an amazing impact during his term.
Don't cry for me Malaysia...

Don’t cry for me, Malaysia…

On 20th March, George W Bush showed the world how powerless the UN is, and led the Coalition of the Killing to drop bombs over Baghdad, starting The Gulf War – Episode II. The entire world was in killing mode. On 13th December, Saddam Hussein was captured from his “Spider Hole”. By then, everyone seemed to have forgotten why the war started in the first place. The Weapons of Mass Destruction were yet to be found, but none of the big wigs seemed to care because they all think they are doing a good job by democracizing Iraq.
Statue of Saddam toppling down

Saddam Hussein’s statue toppled in April 2003. Saddam Hussein himself was captured in December 2003. Still no signs of WMD.

2003 was easily the best year I had in Perth. I was 21 years old and I was about to start my fifth and final year at Curtin University.
Dating a KL girl is both good and bad. The good thing was that I started to pay more attention trying to look good. The bad thing was that as a result, I started spending A LOT of money buying plenty of designer clothes unnecessarily. Suddenly, I realised how fun it was to buy my own clothes. I discovered the world of Retail Therapy. Slowly but surely, I turned into a brand bitch, and I didn’t even realise it myself! Spending every cent of my bank account balance instead of putting money towards savings is a very bad habit and its not something I’m proud of.
I had saved up a lot of money from all that tutoring the year before. Curtin students (in fact, all uni students) always had the bad habit of doing last minute cramming for their exams. So what happened usually was – when they found out that there’s so much stuff to study, they panic. And when they panic, they call Kenny. And when they call Kenny, Kenny got rich. πŸ™‚ It wasn’t easy though, because in between studying for my own exams, I had to make sure that my students are prepared for their papers as well.
Kenny's Fashion Evolution

From thrifty, to affordable, to brand bitch.

Regardless, I had saved up about AUD$1,000 by the end of the year. The exchange rate at the start of 2003 was AUD$1 to RM2.60 – and that’s more than enough for me. I stopped by KL with Nicole before I depart for Perth, and we spent so much money we almost bought the KLCC twin towers. Whilst previously I could only afford to buy some “ochipala” RM20 clothes from Sungai Wang plaza, this time round I had no regrets splurging up to RM80 on a pair of Calvin Klein underwear. I told my mom that, and she said “Your kacheng made of gold one is it?”
Anyway, 2003 was the year Nicole transformed for the better. With my encouragement, she was elected as the Deputy Convenor of the International Students Committee. Her circle of friends expanded, she became less dependant on me, and generally Nicole just became a much happier person compared to the way she was the year before. I was definitely happy for her. As my own group of friends slowly left Perth, I started hanging out with her group of friends more and more – which was how I started knowing people like Jacky, Tiffy, Dine & David, Jamie & Angeline, Candice & Steiner, etc.
Rottnest Island

(Back L-R) David, Tiffy, Wennie, Joey’s Bro, Jamie, Phang.
(Mid L-R) Joey, Dine, Angeline.
(Front L-R) Nic, Kenny

Nicole moved out of my place soon and started staying with Candice in King’s Park. It was a good change for the both of us. She became more disciplined. My mother and Nicole found a common ground and they became friends again. World War 3 ended and I couldn’t be happier.
Kenny and Rey Mysterio

Kenny and Rey Mysterio Jr during the WWE Smackdown Tour 2003

Life was cruising for me in 2003. It was easily one of the most carefree life I had during my time in Perth. I was in the world of my own with my family and Nicole. My nephew Jayden was born. I watched Craig David in concert. I hung out with my favourite WWE wrestlers when they toured Perth. I even get to travel to eastern Australia, Shanghai and exotic places like Seoul. Instead of tutoring high school students, I started tutoring Business Statistics 101 to rich international students at Uni, and that allowed me to fetch up to $30 an hour.
University work wasn’t too bad, except for my final year Engineering thesis. Being a smart ass that I thought I was, I chose a rather difficult topic for my final year thesis that involved both Physics and Engineering Departments.
I had a supervisor from each department. The Physics supervisor was coincidentally the Head of School of Physics. He was largely dissatisfied with my work and often criticised me for not being scientific enough. The Engineering supervisor on the other hand had absolutely no idea what I was doing in the Physics department, so as long as I appeared confident, anything I said to him that sounded correct, will be correct! But then I figured it out… since this is an Engineering thesis, regardless on how atrocious my Physics supervisor think my work is, only my Engineering supervisor will be marking it bah!
Meausirng the thermal expansion of materials

Meausirng the thermal expansion of materials. Fascinating piece of bullcrap.

Honestly speaking, I had absolutely no idea what I was writing in my thesis – I was sure it wasn’t something my Physics supervisor would approve of. πŸ™‚ All I remembered was that I praised my Engineering supervisor like he was the Sultan of Brunei in the Acknowledgement section. I submitted my thesis… and in the end, I received a whooping 87% for a pile of professional bullcrap!
I must be a genius. πŸ˜‰
As if that’s not enough, things continue to go uphill from there. I had the last Uni exam paper of my entire life on the 6th November. Then I received a phone call – Spectra decided to offer me a job as a Software Engineer, and that I shall start work on the 13th November 2003! Needless to say, I took up the offer, and that’s where I worked until today.
*~*~*~*~*~*
I was young, fit and able. I had my finance, my career, my family and my love life all sorted out. I was on top of the world, and life couldn’t be better.
But its exactly when you started thinking that way, life throws you a curve ball, and your whole world starts crumbling around you.
I was on top of the mountain in 2003.
The following year, my mountain crumbled.

Don’t You Try to Shame Me

“i see ur bro is shacking up with a girl……….LOL
ur mum sure interrogated her more than the KGB eh”

That’s what a friend of my brother said to him in reference to this entry. And with that, the EBCB (Elder Brother Censorship Board) kicked into action.
Getting into debates on the stuff I wrote on kennysia.com is starting to become frequent enough for me to perhaps start a new category to archive it.
In this case, someone thought it was funny to pointed out that Nicole lived with me for a period of time while she’s studying in Perth. Funny enough for him to talk about it and laugh about it. He didn’t want to bring it up to me personally. He had to say my brother that he knew I’m living with Nicole and laugh at me. He made it like its some big news, like Prince Charles marrying Camilla.

Dear Whoever It Is Who Knows Me In Real Life That Reads This Blog And Judged Me For What I Did.
I knew that its bound to happen when I made a conscious decision to start this site.
Many people only saw the serious side of me in real life. Therefore, what I wrote on this site is rather different to what I am in real life.
I’m happy to have people know the light-hearted side of me, know a bit about my life from my Reflections posts and laugh with me at the things I find funny. Everything I write here is harmless fun, and (hopefully) no one gets hurt.
I expect people who read this site to accept me for who I am. I also knew that when I put a slice of my personal life up in public, no matter what, a small minority of people will be too anal and judge me for the decisions that I make in my life.
But you know what? I’m ok with that. Seriously, I’m perfectly ok with that. I am an adult. Many people have opinions about me, both positive and negative. I am ok with being judged, I am ok with taking both constructive and destructive criticisms, and I am perfectly ok if you deemed that my idea of a lifestyle does not conform to yours. But bear in my mind, my friend – if you want to judge me, you’d better take my criticism as an adult as well.
Yes, Nicole lived with me for a while. Big deal. No, we did not share the same bedroom. In case you didn’t know, its relatively common for unmarried couples to flat together for costs and convenience reasons when studying overseas. If you think that its not normal, then my friend, obviously you’re still living in 1840’s China.
I am man enough to admit what I did in a public domain. I’m not like you. You go behind my back and make small talks to other people like what I did is shameful and disgraceful. Newsflash – the comment box at the end of every entry and the tagboard to the right of this site is there for you to tell me what you think about me. Love me or hate me, have the balls to say it to me. There’s no need to hide away from me, laugh at it and make members of my family uneasy. I regard what you did a cowardly behaviour.
I am not ashamed of what I did – not a single bit. My family is not ashamed of what I did – they knew Nicole lived with me. So who the hell are you to try to embarass me?
You brought it up as if it is all such a big deal, making members of my family your laughing stock. You crossed the line and that’s when I regard you as trying to meddle with my personal life.
Have you been leading a perfect life yourself? I doubt it. I know you are a friend of my elder brother, so I’ll be respectful to you. Because otherwise I’m actually just going to tell you to take your idealogies, and shove it up your ass. Obviously, MBABTY.
My Balls Are Bigger Than Yours
If you disagree with my lifestyle, don’t come to this site.
Stay the fuck away from me.

A Gay For a Day

In Australia, the radio stations run something called the Freq Club. The idea is that you listen to the radio station where they will reveal to you codewords throughout the day. You submit those codewords online to earn Freq Points. These can then be accumulated to be exchanged for prizes, or be used to go into lucky draws to win something major like holidays, backstage passes to concerts, or autographed memorabilia.
I have been faithfully listening to 92.9FM and entering all the codewords since I started working. But since I am leaving Perth soon, I figured its probably best to spend all my accumulated Freq Points on the major prize draws.
Big Day Out Website
There were two lucky draws available at the time. One was an all-expense paid trip to the $1 Million Coca-Cola Summer Beach Party in Sydney. The other one was tickets to the Big Day Out concert in Perth.
For the benefit of those not in Australia or New Zealand, the Big Day Out is a once-a-year rock music festival that tours around the Aust/NZ region. The event is huge enough to attract many local and international rock artists such as Limp Bizkit, Slipknot, Black Eyed Peas, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, etc to perform. Naturally, every event is sold out almost every time to thousands and thousands of enthusiastic rock fans.
Big Day Out Event
I’m not the biggest rock fan here. I’ll be honest and say that I prefer mainstream music and jazz. So the choice was easy, I’ll spent all my points on the Coca-Cola Beach Party, then eBay off the prize if I win.
Now, normally if I finished my work for the day earlier, I would ‘snake’ (Hokkien for ‘slack’) at work by opening my browser windows really really small whilst the Visual Basic programming window is maximised. πŸ˜‰
Slacking
Just so happens that day was the one of the days when I finished work early. I wanted to enter myself in to the Beach Party draw. But with the browser window so small, I must have clicked the wrong links and accidentally spent all my points on the draw for the Big Day Out tickets instead.
I shrugged it off, thinking that it shouldn’t be such a big deal since I can still sell the Big Day Out tickets easily if I win. These tickets normally cost about AUD$100 each and there’s always a high demand for it. I wasn’t too worried.
Well, a few days ago I received an email from 92.9FM, asking me to drop by the station because I’ve won a prize! So I drove down the the station in Subiaco the next morning. The receptionist greeted me, I passed her a copy of my email as she smiled sweetly at me.
“Congratulations, you’ve won tickets to the Big Gay Out!”.
“Thanks… uhh… did you just say Big Gay Out?”
Big Gay Out Envelopes
She was correct. Apparently the real Big Day Out was over two weeks ago! The Big Gay Out is an offshoot of the actual event celebrated in a pub by… you guessed it, gays.
Yes, instead of listening to rock bands the calibre of Limp Bizkit, I shall be listening to pop princess Vanessa Amorosi, whose “hits” (note deliberate quotes) include songs such as Absolutely Everybody and Shine.
Big Gay Out Envelopes
I have four tickets to this event. Each ticket costs AUD$15 so I won’t even bother selling it. I guess I’ll probably just go in and have a look. I’ve never been to a gay bar before, so its probably time for me to expand my horizons (and hopefully not expand my arsehole in the process. Hehe)
I shall write an entry on it some time next week. Wish me luck, gays! Err… guys!

Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom Review

I first encountered Ansell’s range of vibrating condoms whilst browsing through Bek’s photo blog. Curious, I went straight to the nearest pharmacy I could find to purchase this elusive vibrating condom to see what its all about.
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Front
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom comes in a nicely designed red package – a nice departure from the ubiquitous “man and woman holding hands” type packaging that Durex seems to favour. For our convenience, the battery is included for the vibrating ring.
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Back
I can’t believe I paid AUD$12.95 (RM35) for this thing! This is just one condom and some buzzing cock ring we’re talking about! Mannn… the money I’m sacrificing for this site.
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Top
The top of the box tells you once again that battery is included, so that you don’t have to rush off to 7-Eleven to purchase some batteries in the middle of your coital session. The condom is regular size, which is no good to me since mine is extra large.
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Content
Here’s the content of the box: an Ansell catalogue, a vibe4u instruction booklet, a regular condom, and the vibrating ring. I kinda like the wrapping of the vibrating ring. It reminded me of the crappy toys that came with the Ding Dang chocolates.
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Catalogue
The Ansell catalogue is damn cool. It shows you the range of different condom shapes available, so you choose the one that fits you better. Kinda like Levi’s jeans. I’m still waiting for a Boot Cut Condom to come along.
The vibe4u instruction booklet sheds some light on the use of this product. Apparently, the battery on the vibrating ring lasts for fifteen minutes only and is not replacable. It also asks you to take some precautions when using the vibrating ring, such as:
– Do not use under the influence of alcohol or drugs (What? C’mon! I’m just using a vibrating ring, not a freakin’ CAR!)
– Do not swallow (And why exactly would I swallow it?)
– Keep away from children (sorry Michael Jackson, this one is not for you.)
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Instructions
Oh look! Pornography on kennysia.com! Teehee. Here, Ansell shows you how to put on a condom. Frankly speaking though, I think the illustration sucks (no pun intended). Don’t you think the penis look like some sort of carrot wearing a baseball cap?
Blueberry Vodka Cruiser
Anyway, its time for me to experiment with this vibrating condom thing. I wanted to try it on myself, but my genitals went on strike at the thought of appearing on the internet. So once again I had to find a sacrifice. Meet my blueberry flavoured Vodka Cruiser.
Vibrating Ring
Here’s a picture of the vibrating ring up close. The AUD$1 coin (similar in size to the RM1 coin) is there for comparison. The ring itself is made of some gel-like silicone. There’s a little switch on the side there. You push it in and the gentle vibrations will start.
Ansell Condom
The Ansell condom itself is made in India. I have to say, it comes very very very lubricated. There’s a slight, but not overwhelming, latex smell.
Ansell Condom Over Bottle
Okay, so I was wrong about it being just a regular-sized condom. Look at THAT, it fits the whole 7/8th of the ENTIRE BOTTLE of Vodka Cruiser!!! So much for a regular size. I reckon these condoms must have been made for elephants down in India!
Ansell Condom with Vibrating Ring
This is what it looks like when you put the vibrating ring on. Looks odd. How often do you see a bottle of alcohol with a vibrating ring around its neck? I switched on the vibrating ring, and felt a gentle buzz permeating to the palm of my hand. Pleasurable.
So what do I think about this whole vibrating condom thing? Well its a novel idea, certainly worth trying out on something else other than a bottle of alcohol. But I reckon the AUD$12.95 price tag is a little bit steep. If a normal condom cost AUD$1, you’re paying an extra AUD$12 just for some stupid vibrating ring that can last for only 15 minutes. I don’t know, but 15 minutes seems a little bit short. *grins*
My suggestion:
1. Get a normal condom
2. Get some rubber band
3. Using rubber band, tie your mobile phone to the condom
4. Call your own phone. And don’t bloody answer your phone while its still attached to your dick dammit!

Ansell Condom with Phone
It works the same way, I swear!

You Just Need… Each Other

“You dont need over-priced roses in an extravagant vase and arrangement to show her you care. You dont need pricey chocolates, or splashy jewelry…You dont need the extravagant, money-grubbing, frivolous things. . . just each other.”

Wise words from Pio (an amazing blogger btw, considering his age) in Kim’s page. But you know what I think?
Obviously that’s the ideal situation that us guys would love to have. No need to spend a single cent on overpriced goodies, just spend time with each other, and all the other stuff from those schmoozy woozy tear jerking romance movies like The Notebook. Two people sitting on a fallen tree log by the seaside watching the sun goes down. Awwwwww…
The Notebook
But this is the real world. Girls want over-priced roses on Valentine’s. They want expensive chocolates. Of course spending time with each other is important too, but ITS VALENTINE’S DAY DAMMIT! You’re supposed to treat me better than the 364 other days that’s not Valentine’s Day and the 84 other days when I’m having my PMS! Otherwise, what’s the point of Valentine’s? Correct or not?
As much as girls tell their bfs “Flowers? No need lahh… don’t waste money”. I know girls lah. Outside, they blast the V day but deep down inside they secretly want it one.
“I don’t want flowers” means “I want flowers.”
“Lets just eat Maggi Mee for dinner” means “I want my candle light dinner at the 5 star restaurant.”
“I’ve got a surprise for you in the bedroom tonight” means “I don’t want to have sex with you tonight.”
That’s why girls are so hard to understand. They say they want one thing, but what they want inside is a whole different thing.
Say you’re a girl and you go out dating with your boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. You see all these couples around. So you peek at one of the couples to see what the boyfriend got for the girl.

What’s that? One single filmsy rose in a cheap plastic wrapper? HAHAHAHAHA! My boyfriend got me lilies ah! Hear that or not? LILIES LEHHH!!! TEN OF THEM SOMEMORE! Expensive one leh! Somemore my one comes decorated with baby’s breaths leh. BABY’S BREATHS LEH!!!!!
What else he got for you? Silver necklace? From where? Pooh Khee Mah Goldsmith in India Street? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! My boyfriend got me PLATINUM necklace leh! Not just any necklace you know. Don’t play play, TIFFANY & CO LEHHH!!!

You think girls don’t like to compete with each other? Hoh! Sometimes they are even more competitive than guys one you know! I call it the MBABTY (My Balls Are Bigger Than Yours) syndrome. Everyone is suffering from the MBABTY syndrome, including girls. If you have something, I want to have it too – and I want it to BETTER than yours.
Girls criticise Valentine’s Day for being too overrated. Guys complain about Valentine’s Day for being too commercialised. So who’s left celebrating Valentine’s? Despite so many people openly attacking it, many couples still celebrate Valentine’s Day. Why? GIRLS LAH! Abuthen?

Ok I know many females read this blog. So, I expected to get flamed for this. Let the Kenny-Blasting session begin. πŸ™‚

P/S. This will be my last entry about Valentine’s Day I promise. Shall revert back to the old classic blue kennysia.com’s theme from the next entry onwards. πŸ™‚

Pet Names Couples Call Each Other

Valentine’s Day is over, but guess what? I’ve decided to continue with the lovey-dovey theme on kennysia.com. Why? Because I enjoy making all my single friends feel like losers, that’s why! *cough*Kim*cough* HAHAHA!
Just kidding of course. Mannnn… I’m mean. Though I shouldn’t really laugh since my valentine is not here with me. Btw, did anyone notice that there seems to be a lot of bloggers out there who openly declared that they are anti-Valentine’s Day?
So, yesterday’s edition of the local newspaper published a special liftout called The Book of Love. Basically its a compilation of lovey-dovey messages that couples leave for each other on Valentine’s Day. A careful read through the book of love revealed…
Messages from couples who enjoyed (endured?) everlasting love.
Everlasting Love
Everlasting Love
Couples who didn’t have it easy.
Difficult Love
Difficult Love
Couples with a good sense of humour.
Funny Valentine
Proof that Valentine’s need not just be a celebration of love between couples.
Non Couple Valentine
Non Couple Valentine
And last but not least, couples with questionable pet names.
Questionable Valentine Names
Questionable Valentine Names
Questionable Valentine Names
Speaking of pet names, I’ve always been fascinated by the pet names couples give each other.
“Darling, honey, baby”… some of the pet names can be quite unoriginal, so its up to the couples themselves to personalize it somehow. I thought it was cute that Izuan became IzzyWizzy in front of his girlfriend.
Nicole and I had our fair share of pet names for each other. Even before we got together, I had called her sweetie and she had called me darling. She thought darling was a bit too common and unoriginal, so she started calling me dahwink and later wink wink.
Ang Ku Kueh
Similarly, I started calling her baby because I thought its more endearing. She liked it and so it stuck. But baby is too common, so I changed the one of the “B” to a “J” an started calling her baji, which sounded like vegie, so sometimes I’d call her Baji-table. Once, I called her Ang Ku Kueh (a red sticky Chinese cake). Later, she came to Perth and befriended Huey Ying, who at the time was studying Spanish. She found it cute that ‘pretty baby’ in Spanish is bebé bonito. So I had to start calling her Bonito
Nicole likes dogs. One day she said she wanted to have a dog, so I said to her “I can be your dog loh!”. And just like that, she started calling me Dog Dog, Doggie and later Woggie.
Woggie
Our inspiration for new nicknames can come from the weirdest sources. Once we were shopping for clothes for my baby nephew Jayden. She found some from the brand Elle, which I thought was a bit girlish for Jayden. “No,” she said “This one is Elle Poupon, which means its for boys. The girls’ ones are called Elle Petite.” And just like that, I started calling her Petite and she started calling me Poupon. Once after watching Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events (great show btw), she started calling herself Sunny, after the baby girl in the movie.
Our friend Candice who had a dog called Bailey. Bailey has this toy ball that Candice would hide and ask him to find. “Toy Toy leh?” Candice would ask. So from then on, I started calling Nicole Toy Toy, which is what I call her until today.
My other friends have better things to call their partners though.
My dear friend Geraldine is famous for many things, one of which is the way she calls David. “HOOOOONNNNNNEEEYYYYYY!!!”, she would scream at the top of her lungs as the tiny hairs on my arm stand up. David has no idea why lovers call each other Honey. “Honey is something you put on your bread. Why not call your lover some other things that you put on your bread? Like ‘Butter’ or ‘Kaya’,…”




Lately, I’ve noticed yet another annoying trend.
Thanks to the song by Alicia Keys and Usher called “My Boo”, a lot, and I mean A LOT of couples are calling each other Boo. What the hell is a Boo? I have absolutely no idea. So I looked up Dictionary.com’s definition of the word Boo.
Boo
boo

  1. n. A sound uttered to show contempt, scorn, or disapproval.
  2. interj. Used to express contempt, scorn, or disapproval or to frighten or surprise another.
  3. n. Slang Marijuana

Heh. Marijuana? Now I know why they call each other boo. Yes yes… I know boo is also a gangsta slang for boyfriend/girlfriend, but honestly, don’t you think it sounds more like poo than a term of endearment?! Mannnn it gets on my nerves I tell you!
Then again, I shouldn’t really complain. After all my pet name is Woggie.



How about you? What pet names do you give your partner (or your ex-partner)? What are the funniest/wierdest/most memorable pet names you’ve heard couples call each other? Feel free to share, and of course, anonymity is allowed. πŸ™‚

Reflections on Perth – 2002

14 days left.

I’ll try not to say Happy Valentine’s Day, because to some, it can be quite insulting. As a matter of fact, nowadays its considered hip to shun the V Day. So I’ll just do it subtly. πŸ˜‰ Happy Valentine’s Day my baby. You’re far apart but you’re always in my heart. I love you! *muah*

Anyway, here’s another installment of my Reflections on Perth. New readers who have no idea what I’m talking about might want to wander off to the first entry of this memoir.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kim Jong Il

The year was 2002. George W Bush called Iraq, Iran and North "I’m so ronery" Korea the Axis on Evil (cue Darth Vader’s Theme Song), despite him being nearly choked to death due to an evil pretzel. Brazil won the FIFA World Cup in Japan/Korea. The war in Afghanistan raged on. With the US and Australia doing so much, I feel very "safe". Meanwhile, snipers are randomly killing people in the States. Then on 12th October, car bombs exploded outside popular nightclubs in Bali, killing 202 people, a majority of them Australians.

It has been a year since I got together with Nicole. Over the past year, although we had our ups and downs, everything seems to be pretty ok. I was in Kuching at the end of 2001 during my University break. That’s when Nicole told me that she’s flying to Kuching to visit me. It was a sign that the relationship was ready to be taken to the next level. Previously, our contact was limited to just the internet and the telephone. As anyone who had dated their penpals or had an internet relationship would know, meeting your partner for the first time is a very big thing. Would appearance matter? What if she’s ugly? Scratch that. What if she thinks I’m ugly!? After all, I did put on a whole 15kg since I last sent a photo of myself to her. And besides, I’m the one who choose which photos to send to her. She would think that I look like Legolas when in fact I look more like Samwise Gamgee.

Samwise and Froddo

I was overwhelmed to be meeting Nicole for the first time. I was determind to make a good first impression. So I had my collared shirt, my best jeans, best shoes and a bouquet of yellow roses waiting in the car boot ready to surprise her. We finally met face-to-face at 8am, 3rd December 2001 at the airport. I hugged her, she didn’t hug back, and that’s when I realised that I had accidentally stepped on her feet.

So much for a good first impression.

My mother had her suspicions, but she never knew I was dating Nicole for the past one year. In my family, my father’s attitude towards me has always been a relaxing "you can do whatever you like as long as its not too damaging". My mother, on the other hand, is the Worrier Princess. A typical traditional Chinese mother, she would worry about every single minute detail of every single thing in my life. That’s the reason why I think its a bad idea to tell her that I have been dating some KL girl I have never met, over the internet, who happen to be a year older than me and speaks no Mandarin. As far as she’s concerned, people who chat on the internet are all the À¸À¸‰À¸Γ₯β€Ίβ€Ί bù sän bù sì type (literally: "not 3 not 4". meaning dodgy people).

Genting Trip

Anyway, my mother has the habit of skillfully sneaking up to me innocently when I am, say, watching some VCDs. First, she would talk about some mundane stuff like the aunty she met at the Sunday market, then all of the sudden she would steer the topic towards girls. "Kenny ah! You have to choose the correct girl ah! It will affect your life ah! Bla bla bla bla bla…" So I figured, ok lah! No use hiding about me having a girlfriend anyway. Besides, unlike my first girlfriend, I’m serious about Nicole.

So one evening, I decided to bring Nicole to my place. I approached the front door with her, and my mother opened the door for me. She saw this unfamiliar girl, and I said to her "Mi, this is my girlfriend Nicole." Her jaws dropped, followed by her signature ‘pai-seh smile’. Nicole muttered softly "hi aunty". And then it happened. Right there on the front door, the interrogation started. "Where are you from?" "How old are you?" "What are you studying?" "Which school?" "You cannot speak Mandarin ah?" "What dialect do you speak?" "Bla bla bla…". My poor girlfriend was interrogated for a full fifteen minutes on the front door of my house before she’s even allowed to take off her shoes and come in.

Other than that, everything else went well. My father greeted her with a smile. Before I left for Perth, I stopped over in KL where I met her family. After that, its another five months of long-distance separation maintained by phone calls every evening.

Genting Skyline

These international phone calls don’t come cheap, which is why I had to work again to finance this habit. With ISC out of the way, I finally have a lot of free time to hit the gym and so on. So I started tutoring high school students again. Only this time, I decided to do it big. Canning College is a high school located near my place that’s catered towards international students and local mature-aged students, but obviously I don’t care about that. To me, all I see was $$$. πŸ˜‰ I received a phone call from two girls by the name of Elvina and Charlotte, who coincidentally are both from Kuching as well. And just that, and through word of mouth, I began taking in more and more students. Some come and go, but I took in around 15 students a week at my peak, which translates to a week’s earning of about AUD$200 to AUD$300. That’s pretty handsome for something I did part time.

One of the best things about tutoring students from Canning College is that you get to interact with students from all over the globe on a more personal level. There are a few memorable ones. Apart from a few local Australians, I have tutored Malaysians from small towns like Sibu to big cities like KL, a couple of Singaporeans including one who drives a Boxster 911, a young English soccer player who insisted on going topless and showing off his six-pack during class, a girl from Beijing who always put on heavy make up, an American living in Australia, one very rich Indonesian and his Vietnamese girlfriend, an even richer Italian with his million dollar house by the Cottesloe Beach, and on the opposite side of the spectrum, a Muslim student from Somalia who is very smart yet financially poor.

Sister's wedding

I met up with Nicole again in June. My sister and brother-in-law were getting married and we had a unique two-day wedding reception spanning from Kuching in Sarawak to Bentong in Pahang. Now, Bentong is a very small kampung (village) where everyone knows everyone. The wedding reception was definitely unique to say the least. It was held in a school hall. Apart from the usual yamsengs and all that, the programs for rest of the night was actually filled with karaoke. Mind you, its not just any karaoke. Its karaokes for the UNCLES AND AUNTIES! Seriously, there were aunties the age of my mother who got on the stage and sing! I had to put on my sincerest smile and clap hands when in fact, I feel more like throwing out a one-liner from Simon Cowell. If that’s not enough, someone actually brought a television to the hall and watched Brazil Vs Germany for the World Cup final! Near the end of the night, everyone had forgotten about the bride and groom!

By then, Nicole had already made her decision to study in Perth. Obviously, I was ecstatic. One thing for sure is that I no longer had to spend my money on international calls. And finally, I can at least start having a real relationship instead of all these long distance crap.

Happy Birthday Nicole, from Mead's Mosman Bay

The first thing we did was to sort out her accomodation. We owned our house in Perth. My father usually stayed in Kuching whilst my mother would commute back and forth, usually spending more time in Perth together with my brother and me. I asked permission to have Nicole move in with us.

Bad move.

My mother, being the traditional Chinese mother that she is, had very clear terms about letting Nicole live with us. She is willing to let Nicole stay for free, provided that she helped out with more than her share of the housework and cooking. Nicole was obviously willing to help out. But at the end of the day, she was still a student who have assignments to complete and exams to cram. It didn’t help the fact that she’s new to this country and had virtually no other friends at all.

A typical day for me at the time looks something like this: Wake up, go to uni, go tutoring, go home, hear mom complain about Nic, hear Nic complain about housework, sleep. World War 3 I tell you, with Kenny stuck in the middle of a crossfire of tears, tantrums and torture.

Note to self: Never ever let your girlfriend live with your mother. No matter how nice they are to you, they are never going to be nice to each other.

A Celebration of Love

14th February. Valentine’s Day. Its a day of love, happiness and celebration for florists and restauranteurs.
Oh, and lovers too!
I know some people look forward to this day. Single guys and girls would scoff at the celebration, saying that its all commercialised and stuff. Others would rather just stay at home and drink themselves crazy. I’m actually one of the latter, despite having a girlfriend. For the 4 years that I have been dating Nicole, we are always in different locations on Valentine’s Day every year.
Flower
A friend of mine once said, that Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be just a celebration of love between a husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend (or boyfriend and boyfriend, girlfriend and girlfriend…). It is a celebration of love, and we all have loved ones – our families, friends, workmates, pets and even our soft toys. It can even be our celebration for someone else’s love. I couldn’t agree more.
Which is why I am dedicating this mushy entry to David and Geraldine. Those who suffer from the incurable disease called mushiphobia may turn away now. *cough*Alli*cough*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wedding Invitation
A few weeks ago, I opened my mailbox and received this. It came in a pink envelope.

David and Geraldine would be honoured to have you witnessing their Registration of Marriage… before proceeding straightafter to a Coffee and Cake Session as a sign of their heartfelt appreciation for your presence.

Dresscode: Be as PINK as you can.

When I was young, I used to receive invitations to birthday parties. Now I am receiving invitations to registration of marriages. Signs of how old I have become. *sigh*
Dine and Bid (as I like to call them) are from Kuching, and both recently graduated from Curtin University. Geraldine L is 27, and holds a Master’s Degree in Project Management. David N is 28 years old. Before coming to Perth, he used to work as a Malaysian Airlines flight attendant, which makes me snicker everytime I visualise him do that safety-instructions-thing they do on the plane.
Group shot
I used to think that good-looking guys who can cook really nice food are either jerks or gays, unless their first name is Kenny. David is an exception to this rule. I know because I have broken too many diet plans after they invited us to their house for laksa, curry, ice cream, etc. You would think that David is your typical metrosexual, but I know he can’t resist a bottle of ice cold beer. The truth is, he can be a total gentleman to Dine, yet still be able to hang out with his mates and not bitch about women.
On the other hand, Ah Dine plays the role of big sister to everybody. She’s someone I can totally rely on if I ask for an opinion. Usually when we share our difficulties in love to people, many jump and offer us a listening ear enthusiastically. Unfortunately, most just wanted to hear gossip. With Dine, I know I have someone who genuinely cares for me, listens to me and advises me. After all, she’s the first to help me out when she knew my father’s situation.
Dine and David sitting on the bench
During a time when girls were falling for jerks, guys were falling for girls who are attached and couples were complaining about each other, David and Geraldine are having the time of their lives. Although their part time jobs at the restaurant does not pay much, they are perfectly content with what they have, and that’s each other. After 7 years of dating, they still look like they have been dating for 2 weeks – everything they do is together. They even invited Nicole and I to do salsa with them, which is nice, but I decided that salsa is something you eat, not a latin dance only people with disjointed hips can do.
I have always admired couples like Dine and David. They are what I refer to as the perfect couple. Most people would protest, saying that there’s no such thing as a perfect couple. Some would even say loving couples like them make them sick, thanks to too many episodes of romance-hating Sex and the City.
Deep down inside however, I’m sure we are all wanting to be one half of a perfect couple. Getting a partner is one thing. Making it work, to be able to compromise with each other, to be able to give up some degree of personal freedom, to be able to do everything together yet still be able keep ‘the flame’ burning… that’s a whole new different ball game. In the end, everybody just want to be eternally happy with someone they love. And I’m glad they found each other.
David and Geraldine

Annoying Friendster Trends

I had wanted to blog about the recent marriage of two of my closest friends. So I logged on to Friendster to surf their testimonials. Whilst surfing, I saw some pretty girl’s picture I was distracted by someone else’s profile, so I clicked profiles after testimonials and testimonials after profile and…. anyway, needless to say I didn’t end up writing a single word about Geraldine and David’s marriage. πŸ™‚

I haven’t been checking out Friendster much since its craze a few months back. I remembered it used to be much simplier. You have a network of friends that you know. Then, you found out that both you and your friend knew someone else and things like that. Its a fantastic concept, a great conversation starter and I had fun locating my old mates from secondary school and even primary school. My oh my, how things have changed. The whole Friendster culture has evolved out of proportion. Gone are the days of honest testimonials and people in your friends list that you actually know (exchanging messages through Friendster once does not count). Today’s Friendster is overtaken by honest-to-god kiasu people and over-enthusiastic teenage girls.

Here’s the top 5 annoying Friendster trends. Feel free to point out more if you want. Oh, and one more thing – I make no apologies in naming names. πŸ™‚

5. The ASCII Art Testimonials

You know the ones. A friendster testimonial is supposed be someone writing some ass-kissingly nice stuff about the other person. It used to be the best part about Friendster because I get to find out funny things about people I know – like how Huey Mei got so drunk once she locked herself up in her car and crying "I don’t want to die". These days its all about the ASCII arts. These are pictures made up with characters on the keyboard and come to think about it, they are actually very similar to me – ie, they take up a lot of space and they sure look damn ugly.

What puzzles me even further is why would people approve these sort of testimonials? These ASCII arts just bury the sincere and genuine testimonials your real friends gave you deeper and deeper. (What? You mean I have real friends on my Friendster?) Makes you wonder where your priorities lie.

4. The Copy-and-Paste Testimonials

Copy-and-Paste Testimonials

These are just as annoying as the ASCII art testimonials. These are “testimonials” that aren’t really testimonials, but rather some amusing piece someone found elsewhere and decided to just copy and paste it into the person’s testimonial box. Its usually funny the first time you read it. But after surfing a while later, you saw exactly the same testimonial elsewhere!

I did see worse ones. Someone copy and pasted a generic cutesy testimonial like “StAY CuTe AnD BeAuTiFuL, gur|, y0u r0x!”… but they gave it to a guy. And the guy accepted it!

I can’t believe the lack of sincerity in that. If you don’t want to write a testimonial, then don’t write. Or at least write something original lah. Its like when you’re invited to a birthday party of a friend you really hated. Instead of giving him a generic present like a box of cheap $2 chocolates you bought in a rush, just go empty handed, or give him a piece of freshly made shit wrapped in colourful paper – at least that’s original, see?

3. ThE CrOoKEd LeTTeR TyPerS

ThIs oNe is eAsY To sPoT fROm a MiLe aWaY. tHeSe PeOPle hAvE sOMe PaTIeNcE tO bE AbLe tO tYPe tHiS WaY. I sEriOUslY hAVe nO iDEa HoW oR wHY TheY DiD iT. WaS iT suPPoSed tO be cOOl? WaS It suPpOSed tO bE cUtE? My EyEs HuRT wHEn I ReAd iT. WhY cAn’T tHEy JuSt tYpE nORmaL LiKe eVErYoNe eLsE!

I’m ok with crooked letter typers, honestly – in fact, I kinda find the cuteness in it. Unfortunately, sometimes they push their boundaries a little too hard when they write a whole testimonal using crooked letters. It annoyed the hell out of me! Like this testimonial below:

Makes me really want to hit him back sometimes… with my fist.

2. The Beauty Contest Judge

These are dummy Friendster accounts, the purpose of which is to judge regular Friendster users on their looks. If you happen to be good looking enough by their standards, then you receive a… *drum rolls* stupid testimonial telling you that you are good looking. Fascinating stuff. Except the people who operates these accounts usually get bored pretty quickly and let their account wilt and die after a while.

What’s a beauty contest judge doing in Friendster. I have no idea. Why do people add beauty contest judges as friends in Friendster? I have no idea. What’s the beauty contest judge below trying to say? I have no bloody idea.

Name: oO KawaiiPpL Oo

*+*+* Attention to PpL out there *+*+*

We are here to look for ppl whom possesses Kawaii Looks!!!
If you tink you realli possess a Kawaii look,Please feel free to add us.
All Guyz & Gals are welcum…

However,we are veri STRICT in selecting ppl.
So if we dun tink you possess a kawaii look,we will immediately reject you…
If we haf rejected you,Dun add us back again. Get it?!?!
If you wan us to add you back,Plz try to improve on your looks in de pic.

* Criterias to be a [Kawaiian] in here *
( 1 ) You muz be Kawaii enough for us.
( 2 ) You muz attached 2 or more photos for us to view.
( 3 ) Singaporeans preferred though. But if you tink you r realli kawaii,you can try adding us.
( 4 ) Single would be an advantage.

Up to date rejects –> 245 ppl

Please do drop us a testimonial if you [Kawaiians] wan a testimonial from us.
As we are rather busy,we will write one back for you [Kawaiians] asap.
We will rate de testimonials accordingly.

–> Super Kawaii Peep : 10/10
–> Veri Kawaii Peep : 8 to 9/10
–> Quite Kawaii Peep : 6 to 7/10
–> Normal-Looking Peep : 5/10

PLUS!!!~~
Every month,we will placed de Top 2 most Kawaii ppl photos here. One Guy & One Girl would be selected by us personally. And both of them would be named ‘Most Kawaii GuY & GaL’.

Sooo…Dun wait liao.
Hurry Up and Add us now!!!!!
We will be waiting for y0u!!!!

Quickly add us at –> KawaiiPpl@xxxxxxx.com

*Kenny desperately tries to improve his Kawaii looks in his Friendster pic*

I have 3 words to say. Make it 4 words, I want to swear. What’s the fucking point? If I happen to become a "Super Kawaii Peep 10/10" by their definition, so what? Got food to eat ah? Besides, I don’t want to be called a Kawaiian. What a bloody stupid name.

1. The "I am so cool because I have 3000 more friends than you" kiasu girl

These are usually 15 year old teenage girls who enjoy collecting friends. Yes, COLLECTING – like they are stamps or something. They would have one Friendster account, fill it up to the maximum 500 "friends", after which they would open another account, and repeat the process until its full again.

This one girl had seven Friendster accounts. SEVEN. That means she has up to 3500 "friends"! Read that, 3500!!! What kind of 15-year-old in JB have the means necessary to have 3500 friends?! I am amazed! I’m struggling to hit 3 digits worth of friends myself dammit! Who are they trying to meet?

“p/s: pls dun send me msgs to add u.. my email is already in my profile.. if wanna add me juz add. i will accept de.. thanks lotz… oh ya.. write me testi oso.. hahahz^^.. tk cr.. byee”

What the?! What the heck is she thinking? The "I have more friends than you so my balls are bigger than yours (except I have none)" mentality! Does the people on her friends list actually know her? I doubt so. So, how the heck are they supposed to write her testimonials!? "Hmmm… I dunno Michelle, but I think she’s very cute and pretty."

DUH!

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