Guang Liang ‘Tong Hua’ Showcase – Kuching 2005

Event Coverage 189 Comments

A little bird told me that Guang Liang was in town this past Sunday for a concert showcase.
Venue

I wasn’t planning on going initially as I didn’t have tickets, but I stole it from some fat kid bought a spare one from some kid for RM10.

Now I know what you’re thinking.
“OMG Kenny, you went to see Guang Liang? What’s wrong with you?! HE’S SO GAYYYY!!!11“
Yalah yalah I know lah.
I agree Guang Liang is a bit of a poofter with nothing but a skinny-ass and a high-pitch voice. But of course… I wouldn’t say anything bad about him because when I was a teenager and some girl I liked broke my heart, I would listen to his songs and cry myself to sleep.
*cough* You didn’t hear that from me.
Army

Malaysian Armed Forces: Directing traffic since 2005. Khidmat Negara… join the armed forces TODAY!

For those unfamiliar with this Malaysian music artist, Guang Liang aka Michael Wong was once one-half of a very successful duo called ‘Guang Liang Ping Guan’ (Michael+Victor). Before they split, ‘Guang Liang Ping Guan’ produced some of the best Mandarin ballads at the time. In fact I loved them so much I owned every single one of their albums. Its too bad that after they decided to go solo, the quality of their songs just seems to go down, down and down. Kinda like Hugh Hefner without viagra really.
Inside

The so-called VIP area.

Whatever their reason for splitting was, I hope its not because they think they’re gonna earn TWICE as much money by producing TWICE as many albums separately. Honestly, their solo albums so far were nothing to shout about as I still find myself listening to their old albums.
That said, Guang Liang is still arguably the more successful of the original duo. I don’t know what happened to Ping Guan’s singing but it just wasn’t good enough. Besides, Ping Guan sounded like Penguin and you wouldn’t buy an album from a penguin would you?
Army

The obligatory time-wasting boring-as-hell pre-show games that ONLY the host himself seemed to enjoy

Anyway after experiencing the disaster that was the David Tao Kuching Showcase last month, I didn’t have my hopes up. I was expecting loads of boring pre-show games, listening to the host repeatedly reminding us to buy the CDs, then the star coming out to sing two songs max, sign some autographs to make us happy then go home to sleep with his stuffed toys.
Guang Liang

Guang Liang: Hello everyone, my name is Guang Liang.
Me: DUH! I thought this is Tan Ah Beng’s concert.

The showcase was held in a multi-purpose hall fit for 3,000 people in Kenyalang Park. The area closest to the stage was cordoned off for reporters and big-balled VIPs. I could see that the VIP area was quite poorly managed because there were no guest list, no special tags or whatever. Anyone lugging a big heavy camera could pretend to be a reporter and sneaked in easily.
Note to self: Next time, get a digital SLR camera and wear a khaki vest. 🙂
Guang Liang

Ji de wo ai ni (Remember I love you)

After some excruciatingly long and horrijible pre-show program, which included the host trying to get the crowd to sing-a-long to Guang Liang’s songs, the man boy himself finally graced the stage at around 8:00pm – about an hour after the scheduled start. His first number was ‘Ji de wo ai ni’, an up-tempo song designed to get the sleepy crowd all fired up. Of course that’s not needed because the hundreds of screaming schoolgirls effectively ‘gerengteed’ that I lose my hearing next morning.
Guang Liang

Xiang zhuo jou xiang you jou (Walk towards the left, walk towards the right). Its also the soundtrack of a movie of the same name.

I didn’t go crazy over Guang Liang of course. It might’ve been different if you ask me eight years ago when I would listen to his songs every single day. But alas… its just too bad so sad that Guang Liang and I met at the right place, at the wrong time. Sorry mate but you came eight years too late.
Now I know how those girls at the Backstreet Boys concert last month must be feeling.
Guang Liang

Tien Tang (Heaven)

Guang Liang is very much an average joe who haven’t yet grown into some pretentious mega-bitch superstar. Despite him possessing the dancing skills of a cupboard, I reckon Guang Liang handled the stage really well. He engaged the audience’s mood and really took time to explain the meaning behind each songs he wrote.
And that’s the thing I like about artists who write their own songs. Normally I’d just buy albums and listen to it because of the melody. But having the artist himself explaining why he wrote a particular song somehow brings to it a different depth, a different dimension. Next time I hear it on the radio, I wouldn’t think of the song the same way again.
‘Tien Tang’ (Heaven) for example, is a song that came to mind when he heard the news of Leslie Cheung’s suicide.
Guang Liang

I too, thought that this is another Malaysian singer who called himself ‘Ah Niu’.

Three songs and a mini-game later, I thought that Guang Liang would be more than ready to wrap the show up. After all, David Tao stopped after a miserable grand total of two songs.
But of course, Guang Liang is different. He went on to perform ‘Shou Ji Liu Yan’ (Messages on the mobile phone) and ‘Yi Dian Guang Yi Dian Liang (errr.. A bit of light, a bit of light?). Throughout the evening, he threw posters into the crowd. At one point, he even left the stage to shake hands with the audience.
Guang Liang

Tong Hua (Fairy tale, not the minishorts version I hope)

The last number of the evening was ‘Tong Hua’ (Fairy tale) – a staple among Chinese radio stations here and a favourite among those poor heartbroken souls out there who recently broke up with their boyfriends/girlfriends. Heh. Definitely one of the best sappy tearjerking break-up songs out there, isn’t it? 🙂
I was really looking forward to listening to him performing that song live… but the Kuching crowd spoilt it by singing along loudly like some drunk uncles at a karaoke competition. GAH!
Autograph

The poster face Vs the real face. Ahhh… the wonders of Photoshop!

Guang Liang ended the evening signing autographs – which was effectively a scribble-handshake-NEXTTT affair. I didn’t get an album and I wasn’t enthusiastic about lining up for an hour just to get his autograph. So I pretended to be a reporter and went on stage among other ‘real’ reporters just to snap some close-up photos of him. 😉
All in all, it was a good night out. Guang Liang performed six songs in total and went out of his way to interact with the audience. Nice to see that fame didn’t go through Guang Liang’s head and that he still acknowledged his fans properly.
Its quite sad that eventhough some celebrities *cough*David Tao*cough* produce great songs and all that, they unfortunately also have the tendency stay away from fans like a plague.
Please lah, your fans are the people who support you. These are the people who waited 1 hour in a stadium packed like sardines for you, went through so much just to see you and yet you merely performed two songs and left? Why is it that when people asked you for a photo and you CLEARLY know you had time for it, but yet you blatantly refused to acknowledge it? Take one photo very jialat one ha?
That’s the thing, I can’t stand these prima donnas. Honestly speaking, without the fans buying your albums you are absolutely nothing. At least give them some face, can?

Jeff Ooi’s Little Bird

The Blog Culture 40 Comments

WARNING: Sense-of-humour strongly recommended before reading any further.
Was it just me or did everyone else noticed that Malaysia’s Most Influential Blogger Jeff Ooi seems to get all his dirty backstage scoop from his trusty little bird?
Someone once mentioned that I should get an award for making the most references to my own testicles in my blog. But seriously, that someone got to look how many times Jeff Ooi mentioned his ‘little bird’ in his blog.
Little Bird
Jeff Ooi’s little bird features heavily in many of his stories.
So what exactly happened at that frightening anti-narcotics raid at the internet cafe a while ago? A little bird told Jeff Ooi.
Which Malaysian government websites were vandalised by Indonesian hackers? A little bird told Jeff Ooi, again.
Which Act was the government planning to invoke to take action against at news portal Malaysiakini for their so-called ‘irresponsible’ April Fool’s joke? A little bird told Jeff Ooi, along with some law advice.
Gee I wonder if Jeff Ooi’s little bird told him what’s the winning 4D number for tomorrow.
ooi
Jeff Ooi’s little bird sure is busy poking around everywhere. I’m starting to think that Jeff Ooi is not the brains behind his blog, but his hard-headed little bird is. At least it makes his blog interesting at times with all these wet and juicy gossips his little bird generates. But I seriously do hope that Malaysia’s M.I.B. protect his little bird well because we know the politicians in this country don’t like to be fucked around. It is going to be a sad day if big-ass ministers here get aggressive and chop off Jeff Ooi’s little bird. What a tragedy its gonna be when that day comes.
(Puns galore intended)
Jeff Ooi’s little bird sure is famous. I ran a search on Google with “Jeff Ooi” and “little bird” and I got 170 results! Get this there were 170 websites mentioning Jeff Ooi’s little bird!
Jeff Ooi Little Bird
WOW! Why is everyone talking about Jeff Ooi’s little bird ar? His little bird so ‘geng’ meh!?
I wonder how come no one interested in my little bird? What is wrong with me? I ran a search on Goggle with “Kenny” and “little bird” and I got this instead.
Jeff Ooi Little Bird
WHY ISN’T ANYONE INTERESTED IN MY LITTLE BIRD.
Geram.
So I adjusted my underwear and asked.
Kenny: “Oi, little bird, what’s wrong with you lah? Why can’t you be more like Jeff Ooi’s little bird and fetch me gossips every now and then”
*silence*
Kenny: “You fucking useless one you know? Goddammit, you ‘piss me off’ everday! I’m so sick of you”

*still silence*
Kenny: “Oi! Little bird I’m talking to you lah!”
Kenny’s Bird: “Fuck you Kenny. And stop calling me ‘little bird’ will ya?! For the record, its BIG BIRD to you ALRIGHT?!”

big Bird
UPDATE: Thanks to minishorts (totally hot), yours truly is now immortalised into your favourite bedtime story. 🙂 You MUST check her out. Thanks, mini!

Kenny Goes HIV-Testing

Life Documentary 26 Comments

I always have the habit of doing things impulsively without much forethought.
BP Labs

Last Friday I drove past a BP Laboratory when I decided to drive in and fill up my petrol tank when I remembered a thought-provoking entry I read on sixthseal.com. Guide to HIV Testing in Malaysia is a down-to-earth blog entry focusing on the importance of HIV Testing from a youth’s point of view, as opposed to mother-like annoying reading materials from both government and non-government organization.
This is the same entry than earned the blogger HB an award by the Malaysian AIDS Council for creating HIV awareness in the country. An unsolved mystery remains till today as to why our traditionally conservative leaders (including Badawi, Mahathir and his daughter Marina) so happily presented the award to HB, whilst conveniently overlooking the fact that the said article as well as the rest of the blog included references to the blogger’s “ALLEGED” pharmaceutical + illicit + recreational drug use. Hmmm…
Inside BP Labs
Like most people my age, I grew up overloaded with HIV/AIDS information. I know what they’re trying to achieve when they said they wanted to create awareness, but somehow listening to them constantly bombarding us with HIV awareness messages like that since PRIMARY SCHOOL kinda numbed its effect on me when I grow older and am actually ready for a sex life (not that I have any now anyway). I understand there’s a need for HIV awareness, but for fuck’s sake primary schools are not the place for it!
Once I heard an enthusiastic anti-HIV campaigner/auntie on the radio. Interestingly, the radio DJ’s name is Rose, but the aunty kept calling her Roast. I thought why anyone would be so stupid as to name themselves Roast, until the DJ signed off by saying with a hint of sarcasm “This is ROSALIND. Thanks for joining us.”
Roast Chicken

This is what I thought the scene was like at the studio

The anti-HIV auntie lamented the fact that when she gave out pamphlets to people in shopping malls, people threw them in the bin instead of reading it. Well of course they threw it in the bin! Its always the same textbook shit: use condoms lah, don’t share needles lah, don’t sleep around lah. We’ve all heard it a thousand time before and we don’t need to hear it again. Besides most people like myself always bear that “Its never gonna happen to me” attitude.
Its only after reading the aforementioned blog and watching a Japanese mini-series about AIDS (starring Kyoko Fukada and Takeshi Kanena) that I changed my attitude and realize “Shit, this HIV thing is risky business!”
Tube
Anyway I impulsively made a U-turn and proceeded right into the clinic asking for a HIV test. The lady at the counter gave me a form to fill out and asked for my identity card. Now here’s where I chose NOT to give out my personal information because if, IF I’m HIV-positive, my personal information will be entered into the government registry and I would be placed under constant scrutiny. Who know they might even cast me away on an isolated island with other AIDS sufferers to avoid infecting others.
I’m pretty confident I’m HIV-negative but I still asked to be anonymous so I wrote my name as ‘Kent’ (in case I forgot what I’m supposed to be called) I gave the form back to her along with the RM25 fee, and that was that.
The last blood test I took was eight years ago as part of my application for Australian permanent residency. Despite my enormous balls, I’m still chickenshit when it comes to needles. When I was younger I hated it when my mother tried to coax me into allowing the nurse to stick a needle into me by saying “don’t worry it won’t hurt” or “its only gonna hurt just a little” because GODAMMIT IT HURTS LIKE HELL ALRIGHT!?
Needle

That’s not me but I put the picture in there just to satisfy you sick freaks out there

Well the blood test was SOP. I felt stupid placing my arm on the padding because I actually paid RM25 to sit through this. Obviously I didn’t take any photos of the nurse drawing blood out of my veins because I was shaking with fear and I didn’t dare to look at the shiny needle piercing into me uhhh… the camera battery died on me.
Plaster

My camera battery miraculously went alive again when I took this shot!

This is not related but there’s one incident back in Perth that still scares the living shit out of me when I think about it.
There’s one sunny afternoon when Nicole and I were walking towards Hay St Mall minding our own business when we were approached by a stranger asking for money. I don’t remember much about him but he was short, slim, droopy-eyed, olive-skinned and sported some curly locks. Come to think about it he kinda look like MotoGP racer Valentino Rossi.
Rossi

Yes that’s the culprit! THAT’S HIM!

People who’ve been to Perth would know that there’s ALWAYS people asking you for money. My policy is not to give any money to random beggars off the streets because when you have your arms and legs attached I don’t see why you can’t get a job. Instead of someone wandering the streets asking me “Brudda… can I get dolla?”, I’d rather give my money to those buskers in the city because at least they provide me with crappy entertainment.
So I effectively told the stranger “No I don’t wanna give you any money”, which angered him. At that point he pulled out a syringe from his pocket, removed its orange cap to expose the needle and held it above his head repeatedly screaming “DO YOU WANT AIDS?! DO YOU WANT AIDS!? I’LL GIVE YOU AIDS!!” maniacally. Remember this all happened in matter for few seconds in broad daylight with busy shoppers walking around. I was terrified.
I wished I could say I turned into Jacky Chan, gave him some vicious karate chops and ripped a new asshole for him so when he shits it comes out of both holes. But I didn’t.
Instead I was busy wetting my pants handing him money from my wallet because I didn’t want Nicole or I to get into trouble. He demanded AUD$50 but I think I gave him a grand total of AUD$3 which was all the coins I had at the time.
Wound

Here’s where the needle poked, three days later.

Sorry I digressed.
Anyway, just earlier today I went to BP Labs and picked up my results.
Result

Anti-HIV I & II Screening: Non Reactive. That means I’m indeed HIV-Negative. 🙂

That’s right. Kent err… Kenny is tested free from HIV. That means I’m a certified walking STUD and not a certified walking STD.
Please send all requests to have unprotected sex with me to iwannasleepwith@kennysia.com.
…
Just kidding, of course.
If your name is Nicole and you hate me, you may send a powderful computer virus to stupidbloodyidiotihateyou@kennysia.com.
Thank you.

40 Hours at the Medical Ward

Life Documentary 54 Comments

ward

I took so much pictures at the hospital, they’re actually thinking of sending me to a hospital of a different kind

You guys are too nice lah.
I disabled comments in my last entry because I didn’t want you guys to get too concerned or worried over me. Seems like I’ve underestimated the resourcefulness of kennysia.com readers.
Its only been two days, and already my e-mail and chatterbox were bombarded with messages from well-wishers. I might take some time to reply those e-mails, but I’d just like to say that those words meant a lot to me. From the bottom of his heart (what? I have a heart?), Kenny would like to say “gam-sia”. 🙂
Ciggie

My father smoking the most expensive cigarette in the world.

Yes, I spent my last two days at the hospital with my father. In a mad coincidence of events, my mother and my brother were both out of town for other equally important commitments, my sister has her own kids to take care of, so I ended up being the only person (apart from his siblings) able to care for him.
Survival

My survival kit for the next 40 hours. Yes I know its a little inappropriate but do I look like I care?

Anyway, it turned out that the wound on my father’s forehead was superficial. The reason he had to stay at the hospital for two nights was because his haemoglobin level was running low, and the blood bank was lacking fresh supplies for transfusion.
Well I was frustrated about the delay. Besides I think my father deserves only the best. So I flew to West Malaysia, slayed some young virgin girls and brought back some fresh blood for my father.
20050422-7.jpg

I’m sorry guys, but these annoying twats won’t be releasing any more albums next Chinese New Year!

Without a WiFi-enabled laptop I had lots of fun chatting to the wall. But in my 40 hours, I’ve observed that the scene at the medical ward was interesting to say the least. Seriously, before this, I thought my bedroom was the only place in the world where people would eat, shit and sleep at the same location.
One thing I find interesting was the doctors there.
Doctors

Its a requirement to know how to do split legs if you want to earn a Doctor’s degree

I always had the stereotype that doctors are usually big fat balding middle-aged men with that sleazy look on their face, which was why I was quite surprised to see these slim-built good-looking 20-somethings wearing the sthetoscopes, complete with their hao lien Versace suits, Tag Heuer watches and overseas-educated accented English. WTF!?

Late night

The hospital turns into a spooky place at night

Staying at the hospital wasn’t that bad. Things only go bad at night because when you’re surrounded by sick people your mind starts playing tricks on you. Even normal things like an taking a lift becomes spooky.
I had the misfortune of riding a lift at 4am in the morning. It stopped at Level 4 and when it opened its door and no one was around. Normally I’d just be pissed off but when it happened last night I was so scared I hugged my balls for protection.
I like the picture of this corridor. It shows how quiet the ward was at night.
Corridor

What? Is there something wrong with this pic?

Regardless, I’m sure glad this little ordeal is over. My father was discharged this morning and I finally get to sleep at my own bed for a change. Best of all, I’m finally re-united with my computer.
Now if you’ll excuse me I think I need a well-deserved sleep. 🙂

Pulling An All-Nighter

Re-discovering Myself 1 Comment

Alright, here’s a serious post for a change. I won’t be updating for a day and here’s why.
Makeshift Bed
I was sleeping in my father’s bedroom last night because I was supposed to be taking care of him. My dad’s health was good a while ago but lately he seems to be getting weaker due to loss of appetite. He’s so weak requires assistance to walk around the house. Despite that, my father is still quite determined and had tried numerous times to walk on his own.
All I remembered last night was that he woke me up once to ask me to assist him to the bathroom. What I didn’t know is that later in the night he attempted to walk to the bathroom again, without alerting me.
When I woke up at 6am this morning to check on my father, I was shocked to find a maroon patch of blood on his forehead already hardened. Needless to say I panicked.
SGH
Apparently on his way back to the bed, he tripped and knocked his head on the wardrobe. Being the man that he is, he pulled himself up and walked back to his bed sleeping with a gaping wound on his head, whilst I was still snoring like a pig.
I know my closest friends get really concerned when I write about my father. I sincerely appreciate that but gee, seeing you guys all so worried makes me feel kinda bad. So I disabled comments for this entry. Instead, I’d like to assure you by saying that relatively speaking, my father is still ok.
SGH card
My father is in Sarawak General Hospital right now. The gash on his forehead was already stitched up but he has to stay there for another one night (well hopefully just one night) because of other health complications. In an hours time, I’ll be returning to the hospital to pull an all-nighter caring for my father – which naturally means I can’t update this site.
Please do check back tomorrow.

Malaysia Airlines Unveils New Uniforms

Favourite Entries Thoughts & Musings 70 Comments

Everybody knows how much I “love” my local newspapers. Well, one thing I “love” more than the newspapers here are the MPs who feed on our tax ringgits. Take for example the news article below.
Newspaper

(Excerpt from The Borneo Post, 18th April 2005)

Before you continue reading, I advise you to drink a glass of cold water and make sure that the fire blowing out from your nose is not burning your keyboard into flames.
Well I don’t think I need to say anything more on this “sexy dressing is inviting people to rape you” issue. To say its the woman’s fault she gets raped because she wore a low cut blouse, is like saying its YOUR FAULT you get sodomised because you have an asshole.
Attendant

The MP talked so much bullshit she had to put on her oxygen mask.

Yes, next time I’m just gonna press the “Call Attendant” button and when the air stewardess comes around I’m just gonna rip her clothes off and fondle her breasts, then scold her for making me so horny.
Now if you think about it, the Baju Kebaya isn’t really that low-cut anyway. At least the collar is still quite tight, so when the stewardess bend over no “juicy details” is revealed.
I mean, lets compare our air stewardesses that to Singapore. Once I was onboard an SQ flight when the air stewardess bent over to serve me my dinner-on-tray.
Guess what? I thought she was serving me an extra two buns!
Uniform

Ladies and gentlemen. Study the subject carefully. THIS is the reason behind our rising sex crimes.

I always like the cabin crew of Malaysia Airlines. I know many people who complained how some of their flight attendants mistreated some poor passenger, but the fact is that these are just a few bad apples among a basket full of good ones. Personally I’ve met some bitchy ones but most of them are really nice, accommodating and professional so I think they’re actually doing a great job.
However I’m just not a big fan of their management team. See, its especially difficult to like them after they fired one of their leading air stewardess just because she’s pregnant. And I wonder why they fired a pregnant lady because CLEARLY she won’t be contributing towards any rape case.
Attendant

Whoops! There it goes. Some just got raped because this stewardess swung her hair in a sexy manner.

But anyway, a little bird told me that due to that Barisan Nasional MP’s comments, Malaysia Airlines is working through day and night madly trying to create their new uniforms. Rumors has it that these uniforms will ‘gerengtee’ to solve all the issues associated with that evil rape-inducing figure-hugging low-cut Baju Kebaya. I was told, thanks to these new uniforms, that rape claims will drop, male passengers will be more comfortable and everybody can live happily ever after.
What’s more? They could be ready next time you choose to fly with Malaysia Airlines!
As usual kennysia.com brings you the first sneak peek at the NEW Malaysia Airlines uniform. 😉

20050420-4.jpg

Stock

Yep, I bet our skies will be a much safer place then. Amen.

The Hustlergate Scandal

Favourite Entries The Blog Culture 107 Comments

This entry is not-safe-for-work, so make sure your boss, workmates, husband, wife, sister, brother, children and doggie are not around you before you continue reading.
I hate the Malaysian blogging community sometimes. Seriously I hate it.
I look at Singapore’s blogging community and I see the constant cracking of jokes, parodies, laughter, and harmless sarcarsms. I look at the blogging community I’m in and I see everyone writing so seriously. We take things too personally. Flaming in comment boxes loh, blog wars loh, scandals loh. Geez, where’s your sense of humour guys? Lighten up a bit, respect one another, lay back and relax.
A scandal rocked the Malaysian blogging community over the weekend. A scandal so big it made people think twice about the honesty of the blogs they read. A scandal so dirty it made Bill Clinton look like Mother Theresa. A scandal I’d like to call…
THE HUSTLERGATE SCANDAL!!!
*cue CSI theme music*
What is the Hustlergate Scandal? Well if you haven’t yet heard it, come here, sit down on uncle Kenny’s lap, and let me tell you a story.
*Flashback to a long, long time ago…*
The Hustler Diaries
The Hustler Diariesis arguably Malaysia’s most popular erotic blog. The blog is (supposedly) authored by a middle-aged anonymous man and features stories not of himself, but about other people’s sex lives. Its entries are very saucy and in many ways comparable to Sarong Party Girl’s blog for all you Singaporeans out there. The Hustler Diaries was the runner-up of the (somewhat unreliable) 2004 Asia Blog Awards in the Malaysian Category – an award that the author proudly displays on his site.
Let me make one thing clear. I’m not a frequent reader of that blog, The Hustler Diaries. The blog is not in my bookmarks, its not in my links.
Its not because the blog is bad, because clearly it is not. I don’t read it regularly because well… I hardly get any “action” over here, so I tend to get very very depressed when I read about other people’s colourful sex lives. *sniff*
But I digressed.
A while ago The Hustler posted up a series of e-mails he purportedly received from his “fans” all over the world, thanking his blog for the improvement in their sex lives. These series of emails also include photos of near-naked female bodies as a “thank you gift” to the author.
I’ve read the entries that published those e-mails. The Hustler has the habit of keeping the identities of people who e-mailed him anonymous so no one but The Hustler himself knows if the they are real.
Personally I doubt the veracity of those e-mails because I don’t think anyone would willingly send explicit photos of themselves (or their girlfriends), whilst giving full permission for the blogger to put them up.
But I might be wrong, so please send all your sexy photos to sexypics4you@kennysia.com
20050418-1.jpg
The first e-mail was from a guy called Henry who forwarded explicit pictures of his girlfriend Susan from the United States. Susan sent those pictures to Henry so that whenever they are apart, Henry can have a sexy picture of Susan to wank to.
A few days later, The Hustler posted up another entry about an email he received from a Faye of Singapore. Faye also sent in a provocative picture of herself for The Hustler and encouraged him to post it up for his readers’ enjoyment.
Faye
What happened next became chaotic. A sharp-eyed reader pointed out the background of the Susan-of-USA picture matches the background of Faye-of-Singapore picture. Shit, how come no one else noticed that? Obviously everyone was busy staring at her boobs!
Titles like “Hustler Fake Diaries” and “Hustler Busted” dominated the Malaysian blogging community. Words spread like wildfire and eventually the award-winning blogger was forced to delete those guilty entries and went into hiding. A fierce debate ensued. On one side, people openly criticised The Hustler for deliberately deceiving his readers for the sake of traffic. Others (myself included) stood by The Hustler’s side, stating that he should have the creative freedom to write whatever he wants and that people must be too naive to believe what he wrote was 100% true.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If you ask me I think the whole thing is blown out of proportion in a typical Malaysian manner (like those banned LRT ads).
I can see what The Hustler’s detractors are saying – the fact that he made up artificial stories for traffic. That I agree. Blog readers are smart cookies who do not like to be deceived. Its as if The Hustler was playing on his readers’ gullability.
Obviously, if kennysia.com readers find out that my name wasn’t really Kenny, or if the guy in the photos wasn’t me, or if the size of my balls wasn’t bigger than those coconuts (NOT TRUE) I think they would be outraged. And rightfully so.
But one thing that needs to be pointed out is that The Hustler Diaries is not a run-of-the-mill personal blog per se. The Hustler rarely writes about himself, if ever. All his stories are “things I’ve heard from a friend of a friend, or from a workmate at the pub”. Entertaining? Yes. Unbelievable? Yes. Credible? Hmm… dunno. Does it matter? Fucking-lutely not.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And then there is the fallout. In the aftermath of The Hustlergate Scandal a serious question is raised, “Are what we read on blogs TRUE?”
I’m sorry to break the news to you, but sadly the answer is no.
You see…
My name is not Kenny.
I am not from Kuching.
I am actually female.

Sorry everyone. I just pretended to be some guy called Kenny so I can write an entertaining blog to keep all of you happy. Its time for me to come clean.
Many Malaysian bloggers have wondered why I managed to draw so much readers from Singapore. Well guys, that’s because I’m not actually Kenny from Kuching.
I am Faye from Singapore.
See that picture from The Hustler Diaries?
Faye
Now don’t tell me you can’t tell the difference.
Kenny Faye
See? Perfect match. I hope that clears up some confusion.
I’m really really sorry I deceived you all. It was not my intention. I just wanted to write a funny blog that draws traffic. Somehow Faye doesn’t cut it, so I wrote as Kenny from Kuching.
As for Susan… well, that was just a fake name that I adopted to fool my bastard boyfriend Henry. He was a sex maniac and I couldn’t take it anymore. I pretended to have travelled to the USA to avoid him. But I sent him explicit photos of myself just so he could leave me alone. Its true. Susan and I are one person – the person responsible for this FAKE site called kennysia.com
Don’t believe me?
20050418-1.jpg
Well, judge for yourself.
20050418-1.jpg
I’m sorry I lied to you all. Nothing on this site is real. Never has been. Its all done by the same person called Faye (aka Susan) from Singapore. There is no Kenny. I’m sorry.
Well, now that I’m busted its not fun anymore. 🙁
Sorry I spoilt your dinner, but I memang jiak pah boh su zho. Yes this is a continuation of my April Fool’s spoof. Yes its lame. Yes I know I’ve deliberately embarrassed myself. No please don’t ask me to do it again. 😉
UPDATE: As of 3:20pm on the 19th April 2005, the Hustler Diaries was officially discontinued. To The Hustler, thank you for providing much needed entertainment and raising some “flagpoles” in your male readers over the months that you blogged. I can understand why you decided to stop. Although I wished you could have left under better circumstances, I still wish you all the best in your future undertakings.

The Worst Newspaper Ad Ever

Distinctively Kuching 23 Comments

Whoever designed this advertisement for the Sarawak Tribune Classifieds needs to be shot, grilled, tied to the ground and forced to undergo cosmetic surgery to look exactly like that horrendously deformed human being he drew.
Worst Ad Ever
I hope he’s not trying to imply Sarawak Tribune readers look so pathetic. Shit, how bad is that drawing? See this wouldn’t have happened if he were to choose someone like me as the model.
Man that’s the ugliest advertisement I’ve ever seen.
I wonder who he used as a model.

Worst Ad Ever
I think we got a winner.
Lessons in Advertising #1337:
“Never EVER use a monkey as a model for your drawings.”

Astro Talent Quest 2005 – Kuching Stage Challenge

Event Coverage 78 Comments

The Astro Talent Quest is regarded by many as the Chinese equivalent of the Idols franchise in Malaysia. The format is slightly different from American Idol or Malaysian Idol but the purpose is the same: ie, its a singing competition, home viewers watch the show, they SMS-vote for their favourite contestant, the winner gets a recording contract and the home viewers end up with a massive phone bill.
The Astro team was in town last Friday for the Kuching-leg of the tapings so I decided to pop by to have a look at what the fuss is all about.
Wisma Saberkas
The competition was held in Wisma Saberkas, which looks like a bucket if viewed from the skies. The ironic thing is that the Chinese name for this building is “Chïng Tong Dà Shà”, which literally sounds like “Green Bucket Building”. I don’t know why the building is not green. We Kuching people are very confusing.
Crowd

The security guard who doesn’t wanna do his job.

The show started at 5pm, but I couldn’t leave work until 5:30pm. By the time I arrived a small crowd has formed across all five stories of the shopping center. I missed half the show. Apparently there were ten contestants in this round, only two of which will advance to the next.
Judges
Meet the judges of the show, which is a complete rip-off from the three American Idol judges right down to their seating arragements. Let’s see: fat guy for Randy, female judge for Paula, slim-built wearing a dark-coloured sweater with rolled-up sleeves for Simon Cowell…. check, check and check! I’m surprised they didn’t bring in a black Indian dude for Randy. Then again, this is a Chinese singing competition, aight dawg?
MCs
Luckily the hosts aren’t rip-offs of Ryan Seacrest. They were Astro presenter Royce Tan and MyFM Radio DJ Gan MeiYan.
Gan MeiYan
You know, I used to think that all radio DJs are fat and ugly.
But after meeting Gan MeiYan, I realised some radio DJs can be skinny and ugly too.
Just kidding :). She’s skinny, but still quite chio lah. Gotta love the top.
Contestant 4

Eh brother. Why wear so thick? Kuching having winter ha?

I don’t remember much about the singing itself, but it was nothing to shout about. I mean they are good, but I won’t be rushing out to download pirated MP3s… buy their CDs if they ever release one.
There were some fashion faux pas at the scene though.
Contestant 5

Hey dude. Nice pants. Where did you get them from? MC HAMMER’S GARBAGE CAN!?!

This guy had it all. Outrageous dance moves, fugly clothing, bad interviews and make up on his face. Yes, MAKE UP ON HIS FACE! What the feet was he thinking putting blusher and lipstick on his face?! I’m sorry but they’re not accepting any more members for the Si Qian Jin coconut tree singing troupe.
Contestant 10
There were some good ones though. I say watch out for Contestant 10, he’s got the total package and he sang really well. I hope he got through.
Wrong name
Halfway through the show, there was a mini game requiring two volunteers from the crowd. I raised my hand and hopped onto stage. I doubt they are going to show this on TV, but I was crap at the game and lost terribly. I did crack a few jokes whilst I was on stage and had the whole crowd laughing with me so I guess all’s good.
Wrong name

I lost but I still got a prize. A pretty one too! An Astro notebook, Sammi Cheng’s Live VCD and her very old CD that nobody wants

Oh, if anyone had photos of me that day please let me know. I don’t have Astro installed at home, but being a publicity-whore I’m keen to find out if I appear on TV. So please check out Wah-Loh-Tai on 1st May ok?
Well I had fun that day. I’m not keeping my hopes up but I hope someone from Kuching wins the competition.
Three years ago an ex-schoolmate of mine went from being a virtual unknown to Malaysia’s big Chinese singing sensation thanks to this competition. I’ve always known him as prankster from school who never really excelled in his studies, and now he’s earning thousands from his recording contact and various endorsement deals. His name is Nicholas Teo aka Zhang Dong Liang.

Nicholas Teo
I hope they become like him some day.
P/S. Eh I didn’t photoshop the above picture of Nicholas Teo ha! It was a promotional poster that was already vandalised when I took a photo of it! Heh, I got nothing against him because I used to know him personally. But kennysia.com is not responsible for any anti-Nicholas Teo comments below.
So feel free to blast away. 😀

A Blog From Jail

Distinctively Kuching 47 Comments

Front page headlines

Kenny made front page headlines

Gee, how bad would that headline look?
So many illicit drug dealers and anabolic steroid traffickers out there and yet they jailed me – an innocent person trying to lose weight, work out, take my vitamins and improve my health.
I sincerely appreciate all the comments from both sides of the camp – those who support my stance and those who think I was being stupid for making a big deal out of this. What you all wrote in my comment box definitely crossed my mind at some stage. Oh, and a special thank you also to all kennysia.com commenters with a sense of humour. 🙂

“*ROFL* i will write you letters when u stay behind bars…maybe once in a while bring magazine or chewing gum for you lol”
– kahsoon
“I’m tuning in tomorrow to see what happens! And if i never see another update ill know they smacked you over the head at the post office and dragged you away to prison. :)”
– Adrian
“all i can do is hope that you’ll have your internet access to blog bout your life in jail for coming 3 years ..*praying*”
– sandkan

Gee, thanks for having so much confidence in me guys.
And here’s my personal favourite.

“You see, this is no free contry hosay. You gotta do it like the Cubans. Send someone there, take out the supplements and put them in a Vitamin C bottle. This will surely pass the customs. Or else do it old school. Condoms and stuff it up the transporters ass. Even the dogs can’t sniff them shat.”
– Body builder officionada, Arnold Susahnakeja.

HAHA! Susahnakeja = Susah Nak Kerja. In Malay that means ‘Too difficult to wanna work’. Hmmm its not funny anymore once you try to explain it.

Flags

On my way to the Post Office. What’s with the Singaporean and Sarawakian flags anyway?

There were those who advised me to err on the safe side. Uzyn , xar and ‘civil servant’ all kindly warned me that I run the risk of creating more trouble for myself. Malaysian government bodies has been known to be inflexible, stubborn and unnegotiable. My chances are too low. I have to give up my money. They are the law and I cannot win. I am David, they are Goliath.
They were right in many ways. In hindsight, it was probably a bad move for me to argue with a government official over something trivial that’s worth only RM500. This drama could easily balloon up to thousands of dollars in legal costs or worse, me getting locked up.
Post

Outside the Post Office. Kenny gets ready. *cue theme music from Kill Bill*

I admit I was wrong losing my temper. I over-reacted, definitely. I was upset at the prospect of losing my money.
However one thing clear from my phone conversation yesterday was that they were unprepared for my rebuttal. They’re probably used to people backing out and have their items confiscated all because these minions have memorised the name of the Act, the fine and the jail term etc to scare these innocent civilians.
The sad fact is that most people simply surrender and raise their white flags when government officials get in their face.
“Too much trouble lah! Can’t win them lah! Better to lose RM500 than to lose RM25,000. I dun wanna go to court. Aiya what to do? Boh pien lah! Blame on myself being suay loh!”
Inside Mail Center

Inside the Mail Center

But heh, I was such a hard-ass. I blame my roots with University student unions for my refusal to budge. I just thought I was bullied into a no-win situation. The bullies being the Customs and the Ministry of Stealth… I mean, Health. Why can’t I send my items back despite the assurance me and my seller have given them? It is just something I couldn’t swallow.
From my perspective, they gained absolutely nothing from destroying my items, and I stand to lose a lot of money for absolteuly no reason at all. Maybe its too much work for them to allow me to send the items back. Maybe their attitude really is susahnakeja!
“Too much work to let this guy get his refund lah! Need to sit through watching him pack and wrap everything up some more. Fuiyoh. Think I so free ah? I’d rather go home and watch Astro you know? Haiyah just pop it into the incinerator enough liaw lah. Make some BBQ-vitamins. Teeheehehe.”
Office

In the Ministry of Health’s inspection office whilst waiting for them to arrive

I think eventually they realised that it is only gonna reflect badly on them if they were to drag me to court over some vitamins. Two big government bodies versus someone who just wanted to take his supplements and get healthy. Besides I’ve created a win-win situation for them: They’re not breaking any rules by not giving me the items, and by allowing me to return my items I get to have my refund. So who’s losing?

Bottles

That’s my four bottles of sports supplements and my letter to Bodybuilding.com. Yes, I’m getting my refund!

Which is why I’m glad they came to their senses. 🙂
Paying

My loss = RM15.30 worth of postage. Hmm… better than RM500 I reckon.

PHEW! Luckily I’m still here blogging instead of spending the night behind bars whilst risking my asshole being manually expanded. Heh! Sorry I deliberately update late to create suspense. 😉
This afternoon I went over to the Post Office and met with the official/minion from the Ministry of Health. No further questions were asked – I was given my supplements right away. With both the Customs and the Ministry of Health watching, I packed those four bottles of supplements into a box, paid RM15.30 for postage and mailed them off right then and there.
Flags

Me going to court? Nahhhh…. You going back to the States? FUCK YEAH!

And that’s the end of the story of a 22-year-old who questioned the decisions of the authorities, but yet managed to negotiate a situation that benefits everyone.
Let this be a lesson to be learnt: just because their ass is bigger, doesn’t mean you’re fucked. You won’t be fucked if you don’t just lie there and allow them to fuck you. Ok sorry for the crass language. But hey, if you believe you’re right and they’re wrong – question them, argue with them, negotiate with them and work out a win-win solution. That’s the only way things can change.
So as I walked back to my car, I adjusted my underwear slightly to account for the slight expansion of my testicles. 😉

WWE

I win. 🙂

Kenny – 1     Malaysian Customs – 0

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