Category: The Blog Culture

Singapore Bloggers Convention

There seems to be a lot of blogging-related activities coming up over the next few months. I’ll be attending the Kuching Bloggers Meet-up which is happening soon, as well as the (unconfirmed) nationwide bloggers meet-up in KL organised by Project Petaling Street (PPS) on or around 23rd June.
But one event I’m definitely looking forward to is the ambitious Singapore Bloggers Convention organised by editors of

Tomorrow. Nice site. Lame name.
For the benefit of those who don’t know, Tomorrow is Singapore’s Project-Petaling-Street-equivalent-but-not-quite blog portal. The main differences lie in the fact that Tomorrow is moderated by editors and that they do feature non-Singaporean blogs every now and then.
No offence intended and I may be a little biased… but I seriously think Project Petaling Street sounds heck a lot better than Tomorrow. 😉 Honestly, I have no idea what the editors were thinking coming up with such a “creative” name like Tomorrow. This is probably what happened.
Location: Some Starbucks Cafe along Orchard Road

Cowboy Caleb: “Eh, so what are we gonna call this new blog-tal thing har?”
Calm One: “How about Project Orchard Road?”
Everyone: “EEEYYYERRR!”
Mr Miyagi: “Sounded so not ‘oleejina’ lah!”
Daryl Sng: “Aiya Mr Brown, you come up with something lah! We’ll use it one.”
Mr Brown: “Huh? Me? Now ah? I can’t think leh. Gimme some time. Tomorrow lah, tomorrow lah!”

And hence, is born.

Anyway, back to the Bloggers Convention.
The event is projected to be held in July but the organizers have been keeping hush about the whole thing. The only news we heard from them is a call for suggestions of the convention’s name. Once again the Singaporeans exercised their right-brain and came up with some “creative” names like:
– The Fellowship of The Blogs
– Revenge of the Bloggers
– Kingdom of Bloggers
– The Bloggers’ Guide To The Galaxy
or my favourite,
– The Blog Job
Personally, I like it short and simple (the name, not the ‘blog job’). I took the first syllabi out of “Singapore Bloggers Convention” and came up with Sing Blog Con, which I reckon is pretty cool. Besides, Sing Blog Con sounds like some Chinese guy’s name. So if my mother (who doesn’t like the idea of me blogging) ever ask me “Why are you flying off to Singapore?”, I can just reply her “Nehh… I’m going there to meet my friend loh, Mr Sing Blog Con.”
There’s a lot of speculation going on about what’s going to be happening at the blogger’s convention. One would expect a Showcase-like set up: invite some popular blogger goes up the stage, say some words, then goes down to a booth where he/she sign autographs for his/her readers.
I don’t know how well that is gonna work. Just because some blogger shows a lot of flair and charisma in his/her writing doesn’t necessarily mean that that charisma will be translated seamlessly into real life. My coconut jokes, for example, is kinda lame if it were to be uttered out in real life. Whilst its true that some bloggers have indeed achieved celebrity status, the status is comparable to that of D-list celebrities like radio DJs and TV commercial actors, NOT A-listers like Brad Pig and Orlando Broom.

Say hello to the relatives of Brad Pig

But of course that concept is nothing but mere speculation.
A little bird flew into my house one day and told me secret plans the organizers have for the first ever Singapore Bloggers Convention. Remember, you read it first on! I had barbequed bird meat for dinner that night. 🙂

Singapore Bloggers Convention 2005 – Program Listing

1:00pm~2:00pm 20050519-2.JPG
Opening Speech by Chairman of Agency for Science, Technology and Research
(A*STAR), Mr Philip Yeo
2:00pm~3:00pm Cowboy Caleb’s Kung Fu Demonstration: How
to Kick People’s Ass Three Ways to China
3:00pm~6:00pm Steve McDermott’s Speech: ‘Infantilism
as Defence Mechanism’
(yes, its a 3 hour speech)
6:00pm~7:00pm 20050519-3.jpg
J Schnorng’s Magnetic Face Demonstration: How
to Stick Random Objects to Your Face
7:00pm~8:00pm AcidFlask’s Speech: ‘I’M
INNOCENT: Eternal Vigilance is the Price of Liberty!!!’
8:00pm~8:30pm 20050519-4.jpg
Silly Celly’s Live Demonstration: The
Right Member to Hit the G-spot’
8:30pm~9:30pm (Special Guest from Malaysia) Jeff Ooi’s Speech: ‘The Various Species
of Little Birds’
9:30pm~10:00pm 20050519-5.jpg

Mr Brown and Mr Miyagi’s Bellydance

10:00pm Close

With a program like that, HOW CAN YOU NOT ATTEND?!
So naturally, the next mystery is WHERE is this convention thing gonna be held? Singapore Expo? At the Singapore Esplanade? Well, you wish.
Seeing as how bloggers live in a world where friends and strangers alike look at them everyday, it is only appropriate that the first ever bloggers convention be held at the Singapore Zoo.


Two of the most popular attractions at the Singapore Zoo

Remember, don’t feed the Bloggers.

My Fear Of Blogging

Excerpt from 5th May 2005 titled ‘The Last 25 Hours’.

To my Kuching readers – I understand that my privacy may be compromised following my father’s passing. As always, I ask that you respect my privacy.
Please do not disclose any unnecessary information about my family or my job.
Please do not disclose the existence of this blog to anyone else in Kuching.
Most importantly, do not mention to any of my family members what you read here. Please, leave them out of it.

As odd as it sounds, I rather as little people in Kuching know about my blog as possible, because I know Kuching is a small place and I know how hurtful mindless gossips can be. I enjoy writing. I’m sure many, including you, enjoy reading. Please do not be a bad sport and spoil it for us all.

And just when I thought I can write light-heartedly again, here’s another serious post.
I’m sure the part about me not wanting my family members to know about caught many people’s attention. Why do I not want my family members to know about my blog? Am I doing something wrong? Am I ashamed of what I write? Why hide?
Of course I’m not ashamed of what I write. In between a couple of serious entries, most of what I’ve written here are light-hearted fun and humourous in nature. Sure, a lot of my jokes are crude, sexual and dirty. Sure, I used a lot of self-depreciating humour. But that’s exactly what I’m like. I’m serious when I need to be serious, and I’m playful all other times.
Of course I write about my personal life from time to time. I document important events in my life on my website so I can reminiscent what it feels like then when I read back in 5 years time. My personal life inevitably involves those close to me, namely my family, Nicole and my friends. I virtually cannot write anything without mentioning them.
no more

Is a weblog still a weblog if I don’t document events of my life?

My style of writing is akin to chitchatting with my friends over coffee. Friends as in those close to my age. I never expected anyone over the age of 40 to have any interest in what I have to say.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I have two different personalities: there’s a Kenny in-real-life and a Kenny in Bloggerland. My blogging-self is my actual self turned up several notches. Whilst most of the time the Kenny in Bloggerland is foul-mouthed, crude and larger-than-life, the Kenny in-real-life is actually caring, humble and almost never swear a single cuss word. 🙂
I’d write about things that went through my head, but these are things I’d never thought of saying it out in real life. What, you think I’d actually walk around flaunting my coconuts?
If someone made me angry in real life (like that flower-stealing incident), I wouldn’t show my anger to that person. I would be annoyed, but still humble so that the person wouldn’t be offended. At the back of my mind, I’d be angry at him, not furious. But when I got in front of the computer, I’d remember how angry I was and started calling him ‘assholes’ and all sorts of other ugly names.

Bar graph showing the level of my anger as perceived by the perpetrator, my actual anger and my exaggerated anger when I blog.
Yes, when I blog I tend to exaggerate things simply for good reading and for entertainment value. For example – he made me angry and I feel like whacking him. But because I couldn’t whack him in real life, I whacked him online. Honestly it feels good to vent your frustration that way.
In treating people nicely, I tend to swallow my anger too much. Eventually all my frustrations built up inside me I couldn’t take it anymore. Writing all about it in my blog is like having a good shit session in the toilet after having a big meal. It feels so damn good to let it all out of the system. Maybe that’s how the word ‘blog’ came about. ‘Blog’ sounds like what you make when your shit drops into the toilet bowl.
The reason I didn’t want my family to find out about my blog is because of one thing – paranoia. Fear of the unknown. And they have every reason to be paranoid about. If I were to ask you to venture into an unknown jungle you’d be paranoid as well. What if you got lost? What if you ran out of food. What if this, what if that?
That’s what ‘the Internet’ and ‘the Blogging Culture’ is to my family members – an unknown jungle. Its new. Its undiscovered. Its so public. Its so unknown. They have every reason to be paranoid about me owning a blog. Paranoid over my safety, paranoid about their privacy, paranoid about the family’s image and reputation. They probably wouldn’t like me writing anything about them, or about my father’s battles. I can understand that.
On the other hand, the reason I want as little Kuching people to find out about my blog is because of the way Society works.
Society holds stereotypes. Society expects certain people should behave a certain way and fit into a certain mould. Society dictates that HB of must be a good-for-nothing handbag-snatching drug addict, not the obedient high income-earning educated man that he is. Society dictates that ThaiBoxingGirl must be a tomboy Amazonian lesbian butch, not the sensual soft and gentle heterosexual lady that she is. Society dictates that Kenny must be a quiet and conservative man with the holiest morals who shies away from all things evil like sexy girls and good booze, not that sarcastic dirty-joke-telling naughty boy who takes pictures of himself and his hairy legs.
Sorry I didn’t fit into Society’s mould. Sorry I didn’t have my father’s character. I can’t help it that I’m brash. I can’t help it that I’m different.
Of course with the very public nature and popularity of my blog, people will find out and my family will find out. I’m not THAT naive to believe that that day wouldn’t come. I’m just hoping that it would come later instead of sooner. I’m hoping that one day I can blog about my job and my family freely, because they are after all an integral part of me. But I can’t. I’m longing that I can share my blog like how Niki shares it with his father. I’m wishing that one day, all my friends and families will read my blog, share my humour, probably get a little annoyed that I wrote about them but still be able to laugh with me. But they won’t.
Will they be ready to accept me? That I so readily depreciate myself. That I tell my crude dirty jokes all the time. That I do funny experiments with condoms. Will my family be ready to accept I’m a Paris Hilton-equivalent? (minus the sex scandals, plus the brains of course) Sadly, the answer is NO. And THAT’S the reason why I chose to hide it all from them, and let as little Kuching people know about my blog as possible.


Sorry for comparing myself to Paris Hilton. That was bad.

Some of you would suggest that I write anonymously. No offence to those who chose to do that. But I know if I enjoy reading someone’s blog, I’d try to find out some information about the blog’s author – at the bare minimum, the blogger’s real name, age, occupation and a photo so I get to have a face attached to the words that I read. I thought it is common courtesy that I reveal those information about myself to my readers. Obviously there are pros and cons, and although some bloggers believe otherwise, I personally believe that the pros outweigh the cons.
I’m not ashamed of what I wrote. I hide it only because I fear people who knows me cannot accept what a blog is, let alone the fact that I own a blog. That’s why I asked for your assistance hiding this blog from them. Never to discuss what you read about in this blog with my family. Never.
But of course, that sort of prevention measure is not foolproof. In fact, it didn’t work at all. Someone told my family what they read on my website. I won’t name names here, but you know who you are and I know EXACTLY who you are.
I leave it up to your imagination the result that follows.
Suffice to say my assumptions about their attitude towards my blog was correct, and that I once again contemplated shutting down
Hope it won't come to this one day

I hope I don’t have to do this one day.

Then I pinched myself hard. That would be unfair to me. That would be unfair to the majority of other readers who doesn’t know me in real life, like those Singa-bloody-poreans. 😉 jk. Maybe I should move to Singapore. I feel loved over there.
This will be the last entry on this site that I mention anything about the family.
In the meantime, I will be password-protecting my more personal entries. I hate doing that. In particular, I don’t like the fact that I’m not able to share stories of my father’s battles and his final journey, because those form obviously a very significant part of my life in bringing me where I am today. Its too bad they had to go.
Now, if I STILL hear people gossiping to members of my family about what I wrote here…
UPDATE: Chill guys, I’m not shutting down my blog (yet), merely password protecting some entries away from those certain somebodies. Kinda sad that it had to come to this. Rest assured I’ll let most of you know of the password once its done. Anyway, don’t over-react lah can?
‘Singa-bloody-poreans’ is a term derived from I picked it up and used it ‘cos I thought it was kinda cute. Obviously its all in jest, I mean no malice and I don’t hate Singaporeans at all. In fact, very much the contrary.
Surprisingly, more Singaporeans than Malaysians read this site. I owe them my balls for their unwavering support.

Blog Plug

With things the way they are right now in my life, I’m not sure if I can write with the same sense of humour the way I did before. As a matter of fact, I’m hardly in the mood to write anything at all. The fact that I didn’t even step out of my house these past few days also means that I have very little chance to observe things that I can comment on.
Perhaps for a change, I shall plug some blogs written by people who have been very nice to me.
Kenneth saw my entry on Project Petaling Street T-shirt Ideas and ran wild with some T-shirt ideas of his own.

Not true! Kenneth has never seen my big bird.

How nice… he even made one for me!
I was actually hoping that this would spark some T-shirt designing meme across the blogging community. But I don’t think I’m influential enough.
Maybe Jeff Ooi should kickstart somet T-shirt designing meme since he’s like… Malaysia’s Most Influential Blogger and all that la-di-da. Unfortunately I think Jeff Ooi is not talking to me anymore after I made fun of his little bird.
Actually, designing your own T-shirt isn’t that difficult as it sounds. All you gotta do is photoshop an image, upload it to CafePress and download your T-shirt. Even Singapore’s Mr Brown got in on the act and came up with this.

Strange but true. My haircut led to Mr Brown being criticised for his blog content. Now how many people honestly lay claim to that?

The only reason why I can’t be arsed kickstarting this meme full-scale is because designing a T-shirt isn’t as easy as sticking your tongue out and taking a photo of it. The hardest part is probably coming up with what witty things to put on your T-shirt.
Anyway, for those willing to try, please design your own T-shirt with CafePress , e-mail me and lemme see what you got. 🙂
*cough* Since this isn’t a full-blown meme, I shall call it… mini-meme!

Lame, I know.
Some people have been saying that I’m fast becoming famous, which is silly because we all know that famous people don’t have to pay for anything. I tried asking a chicken rice seller once to give me a free meal and he looked at me strangely like I’m born with three boobs.
At least Rojaks is one of those who think I’m famous.
How famous?
Perhaps as famous as Leonardo Da Vinci’s Monalisa.

Try cracking this Da Vinci code, Dan Brown!

He called it, MonaliSIA.

Project Petaling Street T-Shirt Ideas

This entry is more of an inside-joke. Apologies in advance to those who don’t know what’s going on.
Project Petaling Street (PPS) is an online portal that aggregates the blogs of Malaysians and foreigners living in Malaysia. Unlike other generic blogging directories that merely list all blogs known, PPS is special in the sense that it automatically updates itself whenever one of its members’ blog is updated. Blogs that are dormant or on hiatus are automatically weeded out. The end result is a dynamic list of the latest Malaysian blog entries on
PPS owes much of its initial success to Project Petaling Street

I’ve been a member of PPS for about four months now. Whilst I appreciate’s success is in large due to word of mouth, the fact is that this site wouldn’t be where it is today if it weren’t for its initial exposure on PPS.
Well, PPS will be celebrating its 2nd anniversary on the 23rd June, and co-founder Aizuddin has called on suggestions as to how to celebrate this momentous occasion. At the moment there seems to be an overwhelming support for the creation of Project Petaling Street T-shirts.
So as a token of appreciation I fired up Photoshop to see what I can come up with. Inspired by Sashi‘s comments, I came up with this geek tee.
PPS T-shirt
Well I don’t think its that nice really.
It looks good and all, but I don’t think that T-shirt has captured the essence of Malaysian blogs nor the vibrance of the Malaysian blogging community. True, PPS has brought us great blogs to read. More than that, PPS brought us real time news such as when the Earthquake hits. It also brought us entertaining, sensational real life stories like the Hustlergate Scandal. So here’s one T-shirt to commemorate that occassion.
One of the most best thing being part of such a fantastic blogging community is that you get to know people you’d probably won’t have a chance to meet under normal circumstances. It feels great knowing that friendships are forged online through blogs and that it sometimes crossed over into real life. One of the nicest people I’ve met through PPS is minishorts, and here’s her dedication to me in case you all missed it. In return, here’s my dedication to her.
Whilst new friendships are forged through PPS, enemies are made through PPS as well. Over the past four months, I lost count of the number of flames and so-called blog wars I’ve witnessed. Luckily I’ve never been part of them, which is odd considering I write a lot of offensive stuff. Sometimes even posting something as seemingly innocent as criticising other bloggers’ choice of background colour can be flame-inviting, unwittingly sparking harsh “counter-entries” in other blogs.
And entry about the Malaysian blogging community wouldn’t be complete without a mention of Malaysia’s M.I.B. Jeff Ooi. I got to give him credit. I’ve compared him to Andy Lau and made fun of his tendencies to use ‘little birds’ in his entries and yet he’s sporting enough not to get upset over jokes like that. He has my respect. And for that, I created this girly T-shirt dedicated to him.
Of course, when compared to our Singaporean counterparts we seem a little lacklustre as don’t really have big-name celebrity bloggers like Mr Brown, Popagandhi or the ever-so-popular XiaXue with her LocalBrand T-shirt endorsement deals and all that. But that’s ok. We’re happy with what we got, right?
You know what the best thing is? All the items above can be purchased easily from my CafePress store!
Of course I won’t be rushing to order them lah because honestly speaking they’re quite expensive. If it were up to me, I’d wait till someone from the real Petaling Street copy my design, THEN I’ll buy it. 😉
Happy Birthday to the team behind Project Petaling Street, in advance.

Jeff Ooi’s Little Bird

WARNING: Sense-of-humour strongly recommended before reading any further.
Was it just me or did everyone else noticed that Malaysia’s Most Influential Blogger Jeff Ooi seems to get all his dirty backstage scoop from his trusty little bird?
Someone once mentioned that I should get an award for making the most references to my own testicles in my blog. But seriously, that someone got to look how many times Jeff Ooi mentioned his ‘little bird’ in his blog.
Little Bird
Jeff Ooi’s little bird features heavily in many of his stories.
So what exactly happened at that frightening anti-narcotics raid at the internet cafe a while ago? A little bird told Jeff Ooi.
Which Malaysian government websites were vandalised by Indonesian hackers? A little bird told Jeff Ooi, again.
Which Act was the government planning to invoke to take action against at news portal Malaysiakini for their so-called ‘irresponsible’ April Fool’s joke? A little bird told Jeff Ooi, along with some law advice.
Gee I wonder if Jeff Ooi’s little bird told him what’s the winning 4D number for tomorrow.
Jeff Ooi’s little bird sure is busy poking around everywhere. I’m starting to think that Jeff Ooi is not the brains behind his blog, but his hard-headed little bird is. At least it makes his blog interesting at times with all these wet and juicy gossips his little bird generates. But I seriously do hope that Malaysia’s M.I.B. protect his little bird well because we know the politicians in this country don’t like to be fucked around. It is going to be a sad day if big-ass ministers here get aggressive and chop off Jeff Ooi’s little bird. What a tragedy its gonna be when that day comes.
(Puns galore intended)
Jeff Ooi’s little bird sure is famous. I ran a search on Google with “Jeff Ooi” and “little bird” and I got 170 results! Get this there were 170 websites mentioning Jeff Ooi’s little bird!
Jeff Ooi Little Bird
WOW! Why is everyone talking about Jeff Ooi’s little bird ar? His little bird so ‘geng’ meh!?
I wonder how come no one interested in my little bird? What is wrong with me? I ran a search on Goggle with “Kenny” and “little bird” and I got this instead.
Jeff Ooi Little Bird
So I adjusted my underwear and asked.
Kenny: “Oi, little bird, what’s wrong with you lah? Why can’t you be more like Jeff Ooi’s little bird and fetch me gossips every now and then”
Kenny: “You fucking useless one you know? Goddammit, you ‘piss me off’ everday! I’m so sick of you”

*still silence*
Kenny: “Oi! Little bird I’m talking to you lah!”
Kenny’s Bird: “Fuck you Kenny. And stop calling me ‘little bird’ will ya?! For the record, its BIG BIRD to you ALRIGHT?!”

big Bird
UPDATE: Thanks to minishorts (totally hot), yours truly is now immortalised into your favourite bedtime story. 🙂 You MUST check her out. Thanks, mini!

The Hustlergate Scandal

This entry is not-safe-for-work, so make sure your boss, workmates, husband, wife, sister, brother, children and doggie are not around you before you continue reading.
I hate the Malaysian blogging community sometimes. Seriously I hate it.
I look at Singapore’s blogging community and I see the constant cracking of jokes, parodies, laughter, and harmless sarcarsms. I look at the blogging community I’m in and I see everyone writing so seriously. We take things too personally. Flaming in comment boxes loh, blog wars loh, scandals loh. Geez, where’s your sense of humour guys? Lighten up a bit, respect one another, lay back and relax.
A scandal rocked the Malaysian blogging community over the weekend. A scandal so big it made people think twice about the honesty of the blogs they read. A scandal so dirty it made Bill Clinton look like Mother Theresa. A scandal I’d like to call…
*cue CSI theme music*
What is the Hustlergate Scandal? Well if you haven’t yet heard it, come here, sit down on uncle Kenny’s lap, and let me tell you a story.
*Flashback to a long, long time ago…*
The Hustler Diaries
The Hustler Diariesis arguably Malaysia’s most popular erotic blog. The blog is (supposedly) authored by a middle-aged anonymous man and features stories not of himself, but about other people’s sex lives. Its entries are very saucy and in many ways comparable to Sarong Party Girl’s blog for all you Singaporeans out there. The Hustler Diaries was the runner-up of the (somewhat unreliable) 2004 Asia Blog Awards in the Malaysian Category – an award that the author proudly displays on his site.
Let me make one thing clear. I’m not a frequent reader of that blog, The Hustler Diaries. The blog is not in my bookmarks, its not in my links.
Its not because the blog is bad, because clearly it is not. I don’t read it regularly because well… I hardly get any “action” over here, so I tend to get very very depressed when I read about other people’s colourful sex lives. *sniff*
But I digressed.
A while ago The Hustler posted up a series of e-mails he purportedly received from his “fans” all over the world, thanking his blog for the improvement in their sex lives. These series of emails also include photos of near-naked female bodies as a “thank you gift” to the author.
I’ve read the entries that published those e-mails. The Hustler has the habit of keeping the identities of people who e-mailed him anonymous so no one but The Hustler himself knows if the they are real.
Personally I doubt the veracity of those e-mails because I don’t think anyone would willingly send explicit photos of themselves (or their girlfriends), whilst giving full permission for the blogger to put them up.
But I might be wrong, so please send all your sexy photos to
The first e-mail was from a guy called Henry who forwarded explicit pictures of his girlfriend Susan from the United States. Susan sent those pictures to Henry so that whenever they are apart, Henry can have a sexy picture of Susan to wank to.
A few days later, The Hustler posted up another entry about an email he received from a Faye of Singapore. Faye also sent in a provocative picture of herself for The Hustler and encouraged him to post it up for his readers’ enjoyment.
What happened next became chaotic. A sharp-eyed reader pointed out the background of the Susan-of-USA picture matches the background of Faye-of-Singapore picture. Shit, how come no one else noticed that? Obviously everyone was busy staring at her boobs!
Titles like “Hustler Fake Diaries” and “Hustler Busted” dominated the Malaysian blogging community. Words spread like wildfire and eventually the award-winning blogger was forced to delete those guilty entries and went into hiding. A fierce debate ensued. On one side, people openly criticised The Hustler for deliberately deceiving his readers for the sake of traffic. Others (myself included) stood by The Hustler’s side, stating that he should have the creative freedom to write whatever he wants and that people must be too naive to believe what he wrote was 100% true.
If you ask me I think the whole thing is blown out of proportion in a typical Malaysian manner (like those banned LRT ads).
I can see what The Hustler’s detractors are saying – the fact that he made up artificial stories for traffic. That I agree. Blog readers are smart cookies who do not like to be deceived. Its as if The Hustler was playing on his readers’ gullability.
Obviously, if readers find out that my name wasn’t really Kenny, or if the guy in the photos wasn’t me, or if the size of my balls wasn’t bigger than those coconuts (NOT TRUE) I think they would be outraged. And rightfully so.
But one thing that needs to be pointed out is that The Hustler Diaries is not a run-of-the-mill personal blog per se. The Hustler rarely writes about himself, if ever. All his stories are “things I’ve heard from a friend of a friend, or from a workmate at the pub”. Entertaining? Yes. Unbelievable? Yes. Credible? Hmm… dunno. Does it matter? Fucking-lutely not.
And then there is the fallout. In the aftermath of The Hustlergate Scandal a serious question is raised, “Are what we read on blogs TRUE?”
I’m sorry to break the news to you, but sadly the answer is no.
You see…
My name is not Kenny.
I am not from Kuching.
I am actually female.

Sorry everyone. I just pretended to be some guy called Kenny so I can write an entertaining blog to keep all of you happy. Its time for me to come clean.
Many Malaysian bloggers have wondered why I managed to draw so much readers from Singapore. Well guys, that’s because I’m not actually Kenny from Kuching.
I am Faye from Singapore.
See that picture from The Hustler Diaries?
Now don’t tell me you can’t tell the difference.
Kenny Faye
See? Perfect match. I hope that clears up some confusion.
I’m really really sorry I deceived you all. It was not my intention. I just wanted to write a funny blog that draws traffic. Somehow Faye doesn’t cut it, so I wrote as Kenny from Kuching.
As for Susan… well, that was just a fake name that I adopted to fool my bastard boyfriend Henry. He was a sex maniac and I couldn’t take it anymore. I pretended to have travelled to the USA to avoid him. But I sent him explicit photos of myself just so he could leave me alone. Its true. Susan and I are one person – the person responsible for this FAKE site called
Don’t believe me?
Well, judge for yourself.
I’m sorry I lied to you all. Nothing on this site is real. Never has been. Its all done by the same person called Faye (aka Susan) from Singapore. There is no Kenny. I’m sorry.
Well, now that I’m busted its not fun anymore. 🙁
Sorry I spoilt your dinner, but I memang jiak pah boh su zho. Yes this is a continuation of my April Fool’s spoof. Yes its lame. Yes I know I’ve deliberately embarrassed myself. No please don’t ask me to do it again. 😉
UPDATE: As of 3:20pm on the 19th April 2005, the Hustler Diaries was officially discontinued. To The Hustler, thank you for providing much needed entertainment and raising some “flagpoles” in your male readers over the months that you blogged. I can understand why you decided to stop. Although I wished you could have left under better circumstances, I still wish you all the best in your future undertakings.

Malaysia’s Most Influential Blogger

(Warning: lengthy post. Don’t read if you don’t wanna.)
Remember my plane ride from hell?
When the plane I was on was circling Sibu airspace for 2 hours, I found a copy of Malaysian Business magazine to entertain myself. I was flipping through the pages when I saw this.
Jeff Ooi in magazine

Jeff Ooi, a well-known Malaysian blogger, writes for Malaysian Business magazine.

WAHHH!!! Damn yao-yeng! I thought it was Andy Lau until I read the words ‘Jeff Ooi’. Makes me wonder why he used that black-and-white picture on his site instead.
Jeff Ooi comparison

Jeff Ooi and Andy Lau, twins separated from birth. Now reunited thanks to

I tried to look for a picture of myself on the magazine, but the closest thing I found that resembled me was this.
Kenny in magazine

I don’t have a nose like that, but I do have another body part that looks something like that.

I’m ashamed to admit this, but a long long time ago (before I started blogging) I was actually NOT a big fan of Jeff Ooi and his blog.
I can’t remember exactly why I didn’t like Jeff Ooi. Perhaps it all started when I read that he’s Malaysia’s Most Influential Blogger and I wondered where he got that title from. I’m always skeptical when someone or something was described with a superlative. It reminded me of some kopitiam claiming that they have “Malaysia’s Best Laksa”, “World’s Best Satay” , etc.
Remember when Andrea Fonseka won the title of Miss Malaysia – “Malaysia’s Most Beautiful Woman” last year?

Judge for yourself.

My sentiments exactly. If Andrea Fonseka is Malaysia’s Most Beautiful Woman, I reckon I can be CLEO’s Most Eligible Bachelor.
I mean, the whole thing is kinda subjective isn’t it? Who granted Jeff Ooi that title? Was there some Influential Blog Measurement Committee? It seems like started calling him that, others blindly followed the lead, and before you know it everyone is calling him “Malaysia’s Most Influential Blogger”. (Henceforth abbreviated as “Malaysia’s M.I.B.”)
There’s once I logged onto and to read some of his entries. I was expecting him talking about his life stories and shit like that, but what I got was boring newspaper-like articles. I used to think to myself – does anyone actually read his entries from start to finish without actually falling asleep? I had better fun reading my VCR’s manual. How about “Malaysia’s Most Boring Blogger” instead? Oh wait, that’s me.
Me as Jeff Ooi

Speaking of boring newspaper articles, just let me digress a bit…
See I have this thing against the local news media, right – and Jeff Ooi does that as well. Whenever they report something about what some big-shot minister said, they always insist on putting the position, the title AND the full name of that person.
For example, everytime The Star writes something about our prime minister, they would refer to him as The Malaysian Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi. In full, without abbreviation, without failure.
I don’t know if I’m the only one here, but my mind automatically switches off after three syllables and everything after that turns into gibberish. So whenever the newsreader says Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, my mind would process it as Datuk Seri Aduh-I-wanna-go-wee-wee.
Given the fact that these Datuks seem to make it onto the news all the time, everyone’s name just sounded the same. I can’t differentiate between them. And that’s what makes the local newspapers and Jeff Ooi’s blog so difficult to read.
End digression.


M.I.B stands for Most Influential Blogger.

Anyway I didn’t like people referring to him as Malaysia’s Most Influential Blogger because that’s subjective and debatable. I thought people call him that because he helped influence them to go to sleep. If it were up to me I’d call Uninhibited Online’s Shweet Young Thing Malaysia’s Most Influential Blogger – since she never fails to influence an erection on me.
I didn’t know when exactly that I start to change my opinion about Jeff Ooi. But I’d point out two recent events that made me actually read his blog in depth and not just skimmed through it like I normally did.
The first was the March 28th Asian Earthquake. When the earthquake occured, I had just finished typing my entry and updated the bloggers’ portal when I noticed the link to my entry “’s Bandwidth Has Exploded” felt kinda out of place swamped by dozens of other entries titled “EARTHQUAKE!!!!” I rushed to the telly. TV1 shows soccer, TV3 shows basketball… something wasn’t right. I went back to my computer and my first reflex was to check out By 2am, he had already reported on the tremors and aggregated several other blogger’s account of the situation.
More recently its the StreamyX fuck-up (for lack of a harsher word). Almost everyone with a broadband connection in Malaysia experienced the slowdown and almost everyone was screaming profanities at TMNut and its boh-chap attitude making light of such a grave situation. Whilst many of us are content putting up with TMnet’s incompetance, Jeff Ooi took the proactive approach questioning the ISP’s handling of the situation and pushing them for better services, just so that we can all download porn faster… enjoy faster internet service.
See, we’re brought up in a country where the newspapers are controlled by the government and sedition laws silenced voices of the opposition. We’re brought up in a place where it is considered wrong to question the authorities, where we are expected to open up our mouth and swallow whether they feed us meat or shit.
To question the authorities or to push them for explanation is considered disrespectful, or worse, unpatriotic. People swallow their dissatisfactions instead of voicing them out, fearing their name will enter the ever-so-MYTHICAL so-called “black list”. (I’m sorry but there’s no such thing as a black list.) Eventually, the-powers-that-be realised that they can get away with stupid things like spending money researching how to bring teh-tarik into space, and continue to feed us so much shit that we think its meat.
Jeff Ooi comparison

Ministers at some oh-so-important event on the front page of newspapers is a common sight in Malaysia. (The headlines are photoshopped one lah)

The sad fact is that newspapers in Malaysia are no longer a credible source of unbiased stories, unless you are more interested in ministers hitting gongs and cutting cakes. In times like this, we need ombudsmen like Jeff Ooi, Mack Zul, and others. Detractors who view them as whiny bitches seriously need to ask themselves, “Am I 100% perfectly happy with my country? Is there REALLY NOTHING the authorities can do to improve?”
This entry is written in support of Jeff Ooi in The Freedom Blog Awards. (A real award, not some crappy underdog ones)
I apologise for the lengthy entry. But hey, its the weekend. 🙂
Thanks for reading this far,
aka “Blogger with the Biggest Balls in Malaysia”