Things I kinda, sorta, vaguely remembered happening during the last few hours on Christmas Day:
My brother was away in KL, so I took Mom out for a nice Christmas dinner at Bla Bla Bla… She had Grilled Lamb and I ordered the Ostrich Roll for myself.
We caught King Kong at Star Cineplex later that evening. It must’ve been ages since I took Mom out for a movie. I think the last time we went to the cinemas together was in Perth when Dad was still around.
Mom is never a movie person. She’s always the one who sleeps in cinemas, especially during war movies like Saving Private Ryan and Blackhawk Down.
Sylvester called and invited me to Felix’s place for their Christmas gathering. I popped by around 11pm after sending Mom back.
Almost as soon as I arrived, a glass of Chivas and Coke mysteriously appeared on my hand. I downed it in one go, and before I realised, I have another full glass of Chivas and Coke on my hand. I drank it all in again, but the bugger kept automagically refilling itself.
I don’t know why, but I think sitting next to Gilbert might have something to do with it.
I was introduced to Bryan, who was smiling and grinning throughout the entire night for some inexplicable reason.
“Hello Kenny. I read your blog. Come, come with me! I introduce you to some friends!”
Just like that, I was pulled to the backyard where all of Bryan’s friends were congregating.
“EVERYONE! THIS IS KENNY SIA! KENNY SIA AH! FROM KENNYSIA.COM! READ KENNYSIA.COM!!!”
Bryan was very happy but I tried to act as calm as possible.
“Har? Who is Kenny Sia?”
Times like these, I dunno whether to laugh or cry.
Sensing I was starting to get tipsy from drinking the Magic Self-Refilling Glass™ I sauntered into the kitchen to get myself a few glasses of warm water.
Bad move. I was caught red-handed.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WATER? CANNOT!”
“Why… why cannot? Tipsy already.”
“I really cannot already…”
“OK you answer me first. ‘What is my name?’ If you answer correctly I let you drink water. If not, you must drink this glass of gin & tonic!”
“Starts with A, ends with N”
“NO! HAHAHAA! DRINK!”
I tried to fool my way through by kissing the rim of the glass, but they were too smart for that. I downed the gin & tonic but that’s one glass too many. Utilising with my Super Fish Bowl Vision™, I managed to stumbled back to the living room and plonked myself right on the sofa. Lionel offered me some mints. It didn’t help.
And then I felt it. My stomach is turning. The head is spinning. I tried to hold myself back, but there’s only so much a human being can do to stop a convulsive gastric reaction.
Vile vomit churned all the way up my throat, through my mouth and in one swift motion, I hurled onto my jeans, my Hush Puppies, right onto the beautiful mosaic floor tiles.
Funnily enough, when it happened the first thought that came into my mind was “Heng ah! Lucky it’s not carpet!”
Oooh. I can see the salad I had for dinner just now!
I did three times. Bryan looked at me in disbelief “Dude, you puked in my house!”
Tell me. What can a man say in situations like this?
Lionel was nice enough to drop me home while enduring three more of my pukes out the car window. It was only 12 midnight when I reached home. I took off my clothes and slept in the nude till 4am, woke up, drank a bottle of Melilea for a change, then went back to bed again till 12noon.
My sincere apologies to all you guys who saw me made a fool out of myself last night. Hope my dinner didn’t smell too bad on the floor tiles.
Hmm… I wonder if I’ll be invited to a Christmas party next year. Guess I shouldn’t have too high hopes for it. 😉
Kenny: Have you seen King Kong?
Andy: I’m looking at him right now.