How To Embarrass Yourself On Christmas Day

Things I kinda, sorta, vaguely remembered happening during the last few hours on Christmas Day:

“Bla bla bla…” Fantastic restaurant with a weird name.

My brother was away in KL, so I took Mom out for a nice Christmas dinner at Bla Bla Bla… She had Grilled Lamb and I ordered the Ostrich Roll for myself.
We caught King Kong at Star Cineplex later that evening. It must’ve been ages since I took Mom out for a movie. I think the last time we went to the cinemas together was in Perth when Dad was still around.
Mom is never a movie person. She’s always the one who sleeps in cinemas, especially during war movies like Saving Private Ryan and Blackhawk Down.

View of Kuching city from the top of Harbourview Hotel

Sylvester called and invited me to Felix’s place for their Christmas gathering. I popped by around 11pm after sending Mom back.
Almost as soon as I arrived, a glass of Chivas and Coke mysteriously appeared on my hand. I downed it in one go, and before I realised, I have another full glass of Chivas and Coke on my hand. I drank it all in again, but the bugger kept automagically refilling itself.
I don’t know why, but I think sitting next to Gilbert might have something to do with it.

Bryan’s tortoises, the only moving object left sober that evening.

I was introduced to Bryan, who was smiling and grinning throughout the entire night for some inexplicable reason.
“Hello Kenny. I read your blog. Come, come with me! I introduce you to some friends!”
Just like that, I was pulled to the backyard where all of Bryan’s friends were congregating.
Bryan was very happy but I tried to act as calm as possible.
“Har? Who is Kenny Sia?”
Times like these, I dunno whether to laugh or cry.

Sensing I was starting to get tipsy from drinking the Magic Self-Refilling Glass™ I sauntered into the kitchen to get myself a few glasses of warm water.
Bad move. I was caught red-handed.
“Why… why cannot? Tipsy already.”
“I really cannot already…”
“OK you answer me first. ‘What is my name?’ If you answer correctly I let you drink water. If not, you must drink this glass of gin & tonic!”
“Starts with A, ends with N”

I tried to fool my way through by kissing the rim of the glass, but they were too smart for that. I downed the gin & tonic but that’s one glass too many. Utilising with my Super Fish Bowl Vision™, I managed to stumbled back to the living room and plonked myself right on the sofa. Lionel offered me some mints. It didn’t help.
And then I felt it. My stomach is turning. The head is spinning. I tried to hold myself back, but there’s only so much a human being can do to stop a convulsive gastric reaction.
Vile vomit churned all the way up my throat, through my mouth and in one swift motion, I hurled onto my jeans, my Hush Puppies, right onto the beautiful mosaic floor tiles.
Funnily enough, when it happened the first thought that came into my mind was “Heng ah! Lucky it’s not carpet!”

Oooh. I can see the salad I had for dinner just now!
I did three times. Bryan looked at me in disbelief “Dude, you puked in my house!”
Tell me. What can a man say in situations like this?

If you look close enough you might be able to spot the bean sprouts I ate last night

Lionel was nice enough to drop me home while enduring three more of my pukes out the car window. It was only 12 midnight when I reached home. I took off my clothes and slept in the nude till 4am, woke up, drank a bottle of Melilea for a change, then went back to bed again till 12noon.
My sincere apologies to all you guys who saw me made a fool out of myself last night. Hope my dinner didn’t smell too bad on the floor tiles.

Hmm… I wonder if I’ll be invited to a Christmas party next year. Guess I shouldn’t have too high hopes for it. 😉

Kenny: Have you seen King Kong?
Andy: Yeah.
Andy: I’m looking at him right now.
Kenny: 🙁

62 Replies to “How To Embarrass Yourself On Christmas Day”

  1. Damage control, damage control!
    Hide all evidence, quick!
    Nah, too late, it’s spreading like wild fire already. 😛

  2. Damn. How unfortunate. My lame christmas at home (lining up all the presents in a line from the tree to our front door) doesn’t sound as bad anymore.
    Cheers, Kenny. And Merry Christmas. 🙂

  3. urgh. the memory of puking my guts out during our pre-Xmas-party party on Thrusday night is still fresh in my mind.
    you have my sympathies, dude. haha

  4. Cool!!! ahhaha It’s a warning for everyone…Be VERY afraid of the magic refilling cup…and also dun gulp everything one go! hahaha 😀 Merry Boxing Day!

  5. hm, man, i can never imagine you wince while vomitting, you look like a little innocent kid, and it’s very weird to see you when you’re tipsy.

  6. lucky i just ate 2 small kuih for breakfast…so it cant jump up and out..
    Kenny…u tell ur experience enough need to show those uwekk pics… yucks!

  7. Hi Kenny,
    Could you let me know what restaurant you went to with your mom? Drop me an email if you need to be discreet.
    Would love to bring my own mom there too! Looks nice.

  8. Hi Kenny Sia,
    i saw ur site through one of my friend’s blogs..ur entries are really funny and its nice to see people utilizing thier time to make such funny pics with photoshop! god.. ure really funny.i laughed so much that i teared at many of your entries.May God bless you.hehe.u shud get the funniest blogger of the year’s awards instead.
    keep up the good work.and i love your witty jokes.
    my blog is a very simple one,but i love to write so theres not much pics often.heh.and i suck at html!im a chartered accountancy student so.heheh.
    btw.nice to meet u,fellow blogger.
    take care and happy new year!

  9. haha…LOL…
    I heard about the whole incident, man.
    That’s what happens when you drink with the notorious Hos….haha.
    If it’s any consolation, i’ve seen worse…

  10. Yuck.
    Oh well, they asked for it. Who ask them to insist on refilling your glass and preventing you from drinking water?
    But seriously, yuck.

  11. Boy can’t hold 3 drinks. Damn sad la. I was kinda wondering what that splashy sound was. Then I saw you bending over and hurling. Damn funny la.

  12. What is it with you asians, I always see people puking when I go out for a drink. Last time I went to zouk a friend of mine introduced me to one of his girlfriends that had just attended her own birthday party. She sat down on a chair and immediately puked all over the floor and herself…

  13. Kenny, QUICK! Put those items up on eBay, it’s the perfect time to cash in! Now your true fans can not only have a piece of you, but LOTS of pieces. RARE OPPORTUNITY!

  14. Few years ago I had one experience like yours and vomited in my room. Only difference is that I had my little daughter (abt 1 1/2 years old) running to me with her potty for me to puke. Beat that?

  15. EWWWWWWW….
    Kenny, you don’t have to take disgusting pictures like THAT!!! 😛
    (can’t believe you were sober enough to think about blogging it at that very moment as well! hehe)

  16. Err I’m with Spiller (somewhere up above). How did your mum manage to sleep through Black Hawk Down?
    Heck – what are you doing taking your mum to see Black Hawk Down?!?
    (I’m ok with puke pictures. It’s all food!)

  17. Oh dear, I hope your friends took it well. Why didn’t you go to the toilet or find a proper avenue to discharge your vomit?

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