Category: Understanding Women

Revenge of the Malaysian Girl

New blogger Cheneille from Penang KL didn’t like what I wrote about Why I Should Date Singaporean Girls, which is why she crafted a retaliation entry that not only made my balls shrink to the size of raisins, she practically chewed both of them off and made pancakes out of it.
(In my defence, just because I was praising Singaporean girls doesn’t mean I’m putting down Malaysian girls leh. 🙂 )
Update: Please stop attacking Cheneille. She means no malice and I like what she wrote. Its all done in good humour. Here’s a T-shirt to cool you down.
Here’s what she wrote.

2. Singaporean Girls have a good sense of humor.
“Look Kenny you probably haven’t met many Malaysian girls then. We have a sense of humor too!! We know the difference between a sarcastic joke and a sarcastic insult too! Whaddya mean you don’t have to worry as much about offending someone? We don’t get offended easily okay! How dare you! Hmph I angree oledi. *aiya die die i tink hor i’m falling into his trap now leh.. i reli got no ai-dier if he was jus told a joking anot wor. so how now? tolonggg* ah hehe I was just testing you.. Of COURSE i’m not mad! Oh teehee Kenny you’re like SO funny! *bimbo voice* oh did you like hear about that one about britney spears kissing madonna? that is like, ridiculously hilarious! i mean like, britney kissing like madonna? omg that is just so like tickling me!”
6. Singaporean Girls are health-conscious.
“That explains why there are more aneroxia cases in Singapore.”

I was browsing through some magazines in a bookshop earlier today when I noticed Mr & Mr Smith was featured on a recent issue of Hype, which apparently is some Malay language teeny-bopper Smash-Hitz type magazine.
Looks normal right? Ok don’t ask me what ‘Macho Membunuh’ and ‘Anggun Membunuh’ means. I have no idea.
Here’s a closer look.
What the heck?
Face it lah. Some Malay-to-English translation just wouldn’t sound right even if you attempted it. You think your Malay-speaking readers need all the English words to be translated in order to understand it one meh?
Another newly-invented Malay word I cannot stand is ‘Gempak’.
When I first saw that word on an Astro poster, it annoyed the hell out of me because I can’t for the live of me figure out what ‘Gempak’ is supposed to mean. I kept pronouncing it ‘Gh-erm Pa-ak’. It took me half a day to realise ‘Gempak’ is the Malay-equivalent of the English word ‘Jam Pack’. A bit ridiculous, right?
Meanwhile, here’s a free movie poster I made especially for the Hype magazine editors.

Why I Should Date Singaporean Girls

She wasn’t the first girl to throw a marriage proposal my way, you know.
I’m always gonna remember twirly mouth babe Scarlett Ting as the first one who (jokingly) asked me to marry her. Then there’s Finicky Feline who didn’t propose, but named me as one of the guys she’d date. I tell you, reading their entries is enough to make my testicles grow to twice their original size.

Hmmm… which one should I choose? [Ting art by Jayaxe, Feline masterpiece by Caleb. ]

Coincidentally, the three ladies share a common trait, ie they are all Singaporean. Alright, I know Ting is from JB and Finicky Feline is from Penang. But to me they are still Singaporean. See, Kenny’s definition of a Singaporean is someone who has been living in Singapore for a considerable amount of time. NOT someone who doesn’t understand what their own national anthem means because its in bloody Malay.
The whole thing got me thinking once again of a hypothetical situation. What if I am single and available and looking for a girlfriend; and what if XiaXue, Ting and Feline weren’t joking and were 100% serious about wanting to hook up with me?
I think my first reaction would be “HAR? YOU WANNA DATE ME? YOU SIAO GINAH AR?!”
Siao ginah

Hair Contortionist – An example of a ‘Siao Ginah’

That’s not discounting the ladies because obviously they are arguably the most wanted and eligible bachelorettes in the blogging community. Its just that I’d be totally dumbfounded why anyone would consider me boyfriend material. I am, after all, just an average-looking guy from the small city of Kuching who still lives with his mother and two dogs with no names.
Yes, my two dogs have no names. I kinda ran out of doggie names to call them, so the poor bastards have been called “Oi, YOU!” for quite some time now. At one point I even named them ‘Jayden’ and ‘Kirsten’, after my sister’s two children. Don’t think my sister is gonna be too happy if she finds out.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand.
I’m not gonna lie here. Nicole can chop me to pieces later, but I find Singaporean women in general very, very, very attractive. By ‘attractive’ I mean either they look pretty, or they have a nice character, or both.
They are so attractive in fact, even the Malaysian girls who’ve lived there come back looking pretty. I’m being honest here. To date, I haven’t yet met a Singaporean girl I can truthfully say is ugly. Sometimes I feel I’m a little bit out of their league.
Regardless, here I am taking a page off Finicky Feline’s book err… blog, and present to you – reasons why myself (and perhaps other Malaysian men) should and should not date Singaporean girls.

Why I should date Singaporean girls:
1. Singaporean girls have fantastic fashion sense
The MNG, the m}phosis, even the This Fashion (or was it That Fashion? heh heh) all deserve a medal for sprucing up Singaporean girls with something nice to wear and giving the guys something nice to look at at the same time. 🙂
2. Singaporean girls have a good sense of humour
Two girls I know in Perth (Candice and Rekha) are perfect examples of this. Actually I reckon Singaporeans in general have a good sense of humour. They know the difference between a sarcastic insult and a sarcastic joke, and they know when to take things seriously and when to have light-hearted fun. I don’t have to worry as much about offending someone when I joke.
3. Singaporean girls are more open about their sexuality
This one you can see for yourself in their blogs. Singaporean girls have no hesitation talking about sex in the same blog where they put their photos and real name, wheras Malaysian girls feel the need to hide behind an anonymous pseudonym before they can write anything about sex. Why ar? Social stigma lah.
4. Singaporean girls are capable of forming their own opinion
Despite my parents’ insistence, I have absolute zero interest in quiet docile women who looks sweet on the outside, but hollow on the inside. I don’t like girls who follow exactly what I said to the dot and keep quiet if I did something wrong that they don’t like. I don’t wanna date a maid who accepts everything I ask of them. I want girls who have brains and can think for themselves, not a doormat. Singaporean girls know what they want, and they say what they want. It makes the relationship more ‘human’, and that I admire.
5. Singaporean girls know how to party
I went to Zouk once and I was amazed to see the girls there doing the Para-Para, the Teppanyaki, or whatever dance you call it. I tried to dance but end up looking like I was jogging on the spot. Maybe dating a Singaporean girl could turn me into a Michael Flatley.
6. Singaporean girls are health conscious
Nowadays its all low fat, low carb, low everything. Can save money on dinner ‘cos she’ll just be drinking a glass of water.
7. Singaporean girls are more financially independant

Salary in Singapore is better and the exchange rate to Ringgit is pretty good at the moment. Money is never enough. Then again, having a lot of money is one thing. Unfortunately, knowing how to spell the word “BUDGET” is another thing.

Why I should NOT date Singaporean girls:
1. Cash, Car, Condominium, Credit Card, Career.
I don’t have lah!

Of Sagittarius and Mermaids

Last evening, I was talking to my two whacky friends (who shall remain anonymous) when for some reason the topic of wrestling and pornography popped up. For their protection, I won’t mention their names so please don’t ask me who they are… Kimm and Mel would appreciate it when I don’t write about them on the Internet.

Kenny: “Wrestling is Men Versus Men; Pornography is Men Vs Women.”
Mel: “That’s not entirely true! In pornography there’s also Men Vs Men and Women Vs Women.”
Kenny: “Ewwww… I won’t be watching the Men Vs Men one that’s for sure!”
Kimm: “Hahahaha!”
Kenny: “There’s also Men Vs Animals wattttt.”
Kimm: “Hey I’ve seen a picture of a girl ‘doing it’ with a horse!”
Kenny: “Really? Is that how the Sagittarius is born?”
Kimm: “Eh not bad hey!? Then we can make Mermaids too!”
Kenny: “Obviously that’s not gonna work… Must be the reason why they said it smells like dead fish ‘down there’!”

PMS = Poor Man Suffering

Nicole + Thattimeofthemonth = My time spent in front of computer reduced. Drastically.
What? You think I want to update my blog 2:30am in the morning yesterday?
There’s a joke that goes something like this.
“So why do they call it PMS?”
“Well that’s because Mad Cow Disease is already taken.”

I remember back in high school, I asked my good friend Eric how he knew when his girlfriend is having her period.
“Its easy, Kenny” Eric replied spontaneously. “When she’s having her PMS… I stand up also kena. I sit down also kena. I hang around doing nothing scratching my legs like that… ALSO KENA!
Why ar? Why do women have to abuse their boyfriends so harshly they’re having their period? I mean, its none of OUR business you’re having your period bah! Its not our fault you’re constructed that way. We can’t change that. You think we want you to bleed every month ar?

They ask you to ‘whisper’ so why are you shouting so loudly?

I’ve got female friends who complain how being a woman is so difficult. Women get harrassed, they get lower pay, they get pregnant.
And to top it all off, every month they get a visit from this horrible monster called ‘menstruation’ where they get cramps, they get bloated, they get cranky. So they get to yell at men, they get to throw things at men, they get to be totally unreasonable towards men, they get to force men to buy chocolates for them, then they get to cry for absolutely no reason at all and the men have to sit there and console them whilst uttering cuss words beneath their breath.
I’m not saying girls shouldn’t complain about their period. I know how painful having your period is. Errr.. wait, actually I don’t.
But since when its our fault you’re having your period. Why are we being made your scapegoat? How come we have to suffer together with you? If you’re painful or what just deal with it lah. Don’t complain and whine and cry here and there.
But of course… I’m not supposed to question you when you’re having your PMS. Sorry. Here, feel free to use my face as your punching bag.

I am wrong. You are right. You may hit me now.

Times like these I actually admire those gay couples out there. At least their partners don’t suffer from PMS. So they get to be all gay and happy.
But how about lesbian couples? Shit! Its gonna be bigger than World War 3 if both of them got hit by PMS exactly the same time. Imagine those dildos and strap-ons as missles!
*cough* Sorry I digressed. But my point is this.
Women always complain that having PMS is one of the worst things women have to endure. All I’m saying is – don’t bully your boyfriend lah. One person suffering is enough, why make two people suffer? Have you ever stop and wonder what your boyfriends have to go through every month when you have your period? Think about it!
We practically had to shrink our balls and lock them away while we listen to you picking a fight with us over the most itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie things, only because we think its not worth jeopardizing the relationship over such trivial matters.

“Yes dear, you are right.”
“Yalah, its my fault. Sorry.”
“Ok lah don’t be angry liaw lah. Buy cadbury for you ok?”

These are just some of the lines we use to ‘let you win’. But the truth is – we only say it just to make you happy nia. Don’t actually mean it one.
See when you’re having your PMS, your job is easy. At the end of the day, you just eat your chocolates and blame it all on your hormones. But what about us? You’ve hurt our feelings. Our testicles have shrunk, and they will never grow back to the same size again. NEVER! 🙁
So girls, next time you have your PMS… will somebody PLEASE think of the children boyfriends!?

UPDATE: Lashing out against women, I am not. More like crying foul at the uhh… “injustices” myself and boyfriends around the world are facing.

The Thing About Tattoos

Lately, I noticed an unmistakable trend in the number of people getting tattoos and other body mods in Malaysia.
Sarawak's very own rock princess Shal Sagan is a fan of tattoos and other body mods

Sarawak’s very own rock princess Shal Sagan is a fan of tattoos and other body mods

What was previously the symbol of ‘pai kias’ (bad boys) and a traditional rite by members of the Iban tribe, is now a fashion statement among young teens and twenty-somethings. One only need to venture to the nearest nightspot to spot the tattooed forearms, upperback, shoulders, hips and ankles among the revellers there. Tattoos are no longer sported by gangsters (or wannabe-kiasu-gangsters), but by a wide range of people from your local girl-next-door, to your high school teacher, to that high-paying executive of some multinational corporation. Its almost as if every male, female and their dogs are getting tattoos.
Dog with tattoo

Meet ‘Pie’, Dine & David’s precious dog. No actual dogs are harmed in the process of photoshopping a tattoo.

Speaking of Iban tribal tattoos, do you know that the Iban girls here have symbols tattooed on them indicating their skills or expertise at something (eg cooking)? I thought its kinda interesting. I know tattoo is an important part of the Bornean Iban culture. What I didn’t know that they do it to sort the girls like library books! Would any of my Iban friends like to verify this? Chrissie? Felicia? Heh. I’ve never seen Chrissie’s tattoo myself but I’m sure it has something to do with ‘buying shoes’.
What is Christine's tattoo?

Kenny thinks this might be possibly be the tattoo of Chrissie V.

Not all of them do it for fashion reasons. Some call it art, some do it to record an important period in their life, most just do it without reason and just for the heck of it. Its a case where because all my friends are doing it, so I might as well do it too.
Tattoos are so popular now that people who have tattoos long before they became widespread started to call these new tattoo-enthusiast ‘wannabes’. I haven’t heard much from people who regretted having a tattoo. If there are people like that then they probably aren’t too vocal about it. Most people do get addicted after having their first tattoo, and went on to have the second and third and so on.

I think he might have gotten a little bit carried away.

I can understand why people would want to decorate their bodies. What I can never understand is why people would want to decorate it something so permanent. Who knows what you want later in life, or whether or not it would impede your career if and when you move into the corporate world where it is traditionally conservative. A wedding planner, for example, would look out of place if she sports a tattoo on her shoulder when she wears a gown to her clients’ wedding, unless of course her clients are members of the local triad gang.
Anyway, this whole fashion-trend-sprouting-from-the-rebel-image thing reminded me of something similar about 10 years ago, when colouring your hair was still considered a rebellious act that only the “bad students” at my junior high would do. The “excuse” given by the teachers was because the lead content in the hair-dyes was high, the school is doing their part by protecting us from possibly poisoning our head. Of course, that didn’t stop them from dying their white hair to black because according to them, they’re dying their hair black so that’s different.
Bah! You know how hypocritical teachers are.
Despite the “warnings” some ten years ago, there seems to be more and more people with red/brown/golden hair than genetic Asian black hair. It was no longer considered an act of rebellion, rather a perfectly socially acceptable form of fashion. To girls, colouring your hair is as normal as putting on a hair band. To boys, colouring your hair makes you look like a member of F4.
Kuching F4

What Kuching boys look like when they try to look like F4.

Walking through the streets of Kuching, I can’t help but noticing more blonde heads than black heads. There’s so many Malaysians with blonde hair right now, sometimes I think I’m still in Australia.
Anyway, back to tattoos.
The reason I wrote about this is because a few months back, my girlfriend Nicole said to me that she wanted to get a tattoo. Usually I can just ignore it and she won’t mention it ever again, but I know she’s serious after she asked Joey (a dragon) for information. She even took the effort to go to the tattoo parlour with Tiffy (a flower) to look at some designs.
And I don’t like it.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against people who choose to get tattoos. There’s a lot of things that I don’t mind other people doing, but I won’t do it myself. Tattoo is one of them, as is smoking cigarettes, taking drugs, cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend, joining al Qaeda, etc. These are things I won’t approve and things I won’t do myself, BUT if you choose to do it – that’s fine by me – and you won’t lose my friendship over it. Just remember to say hi to Osama bin Laden for me. 🙂
I’m actually quite liberal about tattoos because a good number of my closest mates have tattoos. But this situation is kinda different, because this is my other half, she’s a part of me… and she wants to get some ink on her that can last her the whole LIFE?! What am I gonna do about it?
“Its her body wat. She has control over it.” said one of my close friends in Perth, who happen to have a rose tattooed on her hip.
I tried to retort, “But – what if she got her tattoo and I don’t like it? That means I have to put up with it. For my entire life!”
“The point is that its her body, and she can do whatever she likes.”
True. Good point. But if that theory holds, that means because I own my body so I can do whatever I like with it. I can fly to Thailand, work as a gigolo, Nicole can do absolutely nothing about it because I’m selling my body… MY body! True?
“Besides, if you really love her you have to accept her for who she is.”
That’s besides the point… !
The point is, a tattoo is permanent. The “it can be lasered off” argument wouldn’t work, because laser-removal costs USD$3,000 at the moment and from what I know, hurts 10 times as much as getting the tattoo on in the first place. A tattoo is permanent, and if I were to know that she already has a tattoo in the first place before we got together then maybe its ok, but to introduce a tattoo halfway through a relationship sounds to me like a uh… violation of contract? 😉 I don’t know.
My girlfriend wants a tattoo, and I don’t want her to get one. I’m stuck in a dilemma between giving her the freedom to be herself, and me having to put up with something permanent I potentially dislike. Look, I just hope I’m not crossing the line and becoming a possessive bastard of a boyfriend, that’s all.
Am I the only one in this situation? Are there couples out there who have the same dilemma as I do? Does your partner want to get a tattoo but you oppose to it? Or do you want to get inked but your partner threaten to cut your balls if you do it?

I’m Just Not That Into You!!!

Girls, please do not read this one. This entry is for men only.
Still here? Why am I not surprised? Pfft! Girls! Well, International Womens Day is over so I get to complain about girls. Right, moving along.
He's Just Not That Into You

He’s Just Not That Into You because you’re just so fucking annoying.

Apparently, the hottest book on the market for women right now is He’s Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys authored by the story editor of Sex and the City et al. Simply put, its a no-nonsense guide book for women about men. The book has taken the world by storm, translated into many different languages, and selling faster than a $2 prostitute. Seriously, its the next big book on love and relationships since Men are from Mars, and Women Love Penis.
Men are from Mars Women are from Venus

Yes. That’s my book. I know. Shut up.

I’ll be honest. I’ve not yet read the book. I’m not much of a book reader. In fact, the last book I’ve ever read from start to finish was Sam’s Teach Yourself Visual Basic in 21 Days.
But judging by the transformation of girls I know who have read the book *cough*alli_talli*cough*lc_nguyen*cough*lilyng*cough*, I think I have a pretty good idea what the book is all about.
Man says “I’ll call you” to girl. But man never call after 5 minutes. Girl over-reacts “OMG OMG! Does he love me? Does he love me not?!? He doesn’t love me!!! I’m DOOOOOOOOOOMMMMEEDDDD!!!”
GIRLS! Calm down! For god’s sakes, us men are not supposed to be the creature that’s hard to understand! That’s YOUR job! But hey, I don’t see them publishing a book titled A Guide to Understanding PMS do they? Why do you even need a book to understand guys?!
Think about it… a book about understanding MEN? What the fork? Men are the easiest species to understand!
Hey, we’re not the species who takes 3 hours putting on make up only go to a totally pitch-black cinema! We don’t have 50 uncomfortable shoes from Vincci instead of 2 comfortable ones from Nike! We don’t find excuses spending RM2,000 on a Louis Vuitton handbag when we can have an X800 Radeon graphics card! (PS. Its ok Nicole baby, I still love you!) A BOOK ABOUT UNDERSTANDING MEN! What next? A book for women about how to read a map?
How to read a map
Still, I give them props to be able to sell a book that essentially tells you straight to your face you are not loved! And then tries to act all sweet with that You are exceptional, not the exception line.
Girls who have read He’s Just Not That Into You usually describe it with “That’s sooooo true!”, praising it like its the most factual book since The Bible. They become enlightened because after reading the book, they understand the reasons to all their woes. Then, they suddenly transform into relationship experts for all their friends, writing a 5000 word reply at one go, repeatedly quoting “If he’s into you he will BLAH, but because he’s just not that into you so BLAH”. Yet, somehow they still manage to become even more confused than they are BEFORE they read the book. Example (plagiarised from the comment section of without permission. 😉 Thanks Alli!):

sigh – strap yourself in girl, cos this is going to be a long reply. remember what greg said: YOU ARE EXCEPTIONAL, BUT NOT THE EXCEPTION – if he really is into you, then HE would have done all the things in his power to make you happy, not sad and to please you by now. no ifs, no buts, no i’m busy with school or work or your family is weird or any of that bullshit. when he doesn’t call or be at a place when you expect him to be, if he has an answer for everything and criticises you, if he takes hours or days to reply – thats your answer. if he really is into you, he would move effing mountains! i know – it was so harsh when i read it but its true, isn’t it? because if u put the situation in reverse, ANY guy that we’re in love with, we’d put first – so the fact taht they’re making us do all the work or jerking us around (“you call me” bullshit) shows that “they’re just not that into us.” its hard to walk away, especially if you’re a loyal person – sometimes its like youre so strong and take three steps forward but tons of steps back. i dont think you should take what he says with a grain of salt jen —- THIS IS THE SALT! ahaha. this is the cold hard UGLY DISGUSTING SICK DEPRAVED, SO SOO DEPRAVED truth – omg i so feel like alanis morissette right now. if he wanted to: he would have. as for being kiss deprived … 1.5 years is long. then again, i waited like 21 years for a DECENT one (i’m excluding ones from high school and that one girlfriend I kissed… thats for another time) – and sure, like its sad when the person you SO WANTED to be kissing for a bloody long time isnt there to kiss you anymore (because he’s just not that into you) and you when people tell you “youre young and there’s so many more to come” – they tell you the best way to get OVER someone is to get UNDER someone else but its like aaargh – i dont want a hundred men, i just happen to want the one … one who “is just not into me”. so that’s the answer, i think. not really an answer because i ‘ve managed to confuse my own self even more but i know how you feel! ahaha. i mean, you know ridiculous it is right? to pine and PINE like some pathetic creature meanwhile they’re happy and contented and settled and have TOTALLY MOVED ON? when you think about how much of *your* GORGEOUS LOOKS you’re wasting (it’s a different story for me, but YOU! HELOOO!), when you think about how much time and ENERGY this is taking away from you, when you think about how much this is distracting you from things that REALLY matter like school or your career – when you think about all this when he couldn’t give a flying fuck – when you think about it in this light, welll, i dont know about you ,but it makes me just want to say “fuck this” i’m so over feeling like this – it’d be better (so i’m assuming, i wouldnt’ know) to know that they wanted you but … “they’re just not into you”. you may not be over him, but i think being OVER IT is the first step. so my dear there’s just one thing to say: DONT WASTE THE PRETTY! (even if youre still hanging out with him and he performs conversational masturbation on you … he still isnt that into you) 😉

(Diplomatic message interjection: No offense to Alli and the other girls that I have mentioned in this entry. Nothing against you all. 🙂 I think you are all smart beautiful women, exceptional not the exception and all that kinda stuff. But I’m just a little bit annoyed but the book… just a little bit. Anyway, you can always flame me back later! heh)
All I want to say to girls who have read that book (or those who are about to read that book) is CHILL OUT! Just because we didn’t make you the super-duper-number-one on our priority list doesn’t mean that we don’t love you. We could be sitting on our throne taking a dump before we decide to call you, because hell, shitting is more important than calling you, you know? Please don’t expect us to move mountains when its difficult enough trying to decipher what “Anything-lah” means when we’re ordering food for you at the restaurant and then having to put up with your black face because Anything-lah actually meant Grilled Fish instead of Chicken Pasta.
LADIES! If you want to understand men, let tell you in one simple line.
There’s only one thing, just ONE THING that on our mind when it comes to girls. And that’s the three-letter-word that starts with “S” and ends with “X”.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen.
Us men think of the number ‘SIX’ all the time.
And that’s beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, and BEER!
Mmmm... beer

Long Distance Love Triangle

Last evening as I was talking to a friend, I was told of a friend’s father’s mother’s son’s wife’s daughter (heh) who apparently is caught in a love triangle.
Its a classic scenario. A recipe for disaster.
Girl has boyfriend back home. Girl goes overseas for studies. Girl meets new boy overseas. New boy goes after girl. Girl hooks up with new boy. Old boy oblivious to the whole thing.
(Btw, ppl who knows me or them in real life… much appreciated if you don’t luan luan guess who I’m talking about. ;))
Sydney Cityscape in sunset

Girl goes to big city to further her education, and gets more than she bargained for.

I was shocked by the whole thing. I knew that the new boy has been going after her for a few months now, in full knowledge that she has a boyfriend back home. It was a few months ago when her boyfriend was visiting her that I saw them hugging intimately in front of the new boy. And now, the new boy is with the girl.
I asked Nicole.

“Can meh?”
“Can… the boyfriend not here. And he doesn’t know bah! Why not?”

Gee. Thanks for making me feel better, my long-distance girlfriend!
Can this really be done? Can a girl have another boyfriend overseas, when she has a boyfriend back home? Can she be allowed to subscribe to third party insurance, before the current insurance policy expire? Can she allow multiplayer for a game that’s meant to be for single players only? Can she install a back up hard disk, in case the current hard disk becomes corrupted?
Sorry for the cheesy analogies. 🙂
Is love a multiplayer game?

Is love a multiplayer game?

It reminded me the wise words of my friend Alston back in 2001 when Nicole and I were having our first bout of long-distance relationship. The wise one said “You are qualified to have another girlfriend if your current girlfriend is more than 500km away from you.”
Of course, this is coming from the same person who once said “A girlfriend’s expiry date is exactly one year from the first day of usage.” Well, Alston has been dating his gf for more than a year now. So I take what he said with a grain of salt.
My friend Alston

Alston and his theories on long distance relationships.

I am worried. With Nicole in Perth and me in Kuching, she is in a perfect position to “find another one” if she wanted to. After all, she’s this smart, beautiful girl its only a matter of time before someone decides to hit on her and make her totally disregard my existence.
But she’s my girlfriend of four years. I should trust her. I know I should trust her. We had 1.5 years of long distance before and we survived dammit!
Then again, if she wanted to, she can do it and I wouldn’t even know about it. It makes me really vulnerable. I probably knew why the girl did it. The new boy is a fun and caring person, a great alternative to her boyfriend. She needs someone to fill in the void left by the current boyfriend when he’s not physically by her side.
Maybe I should be involved in a scandal myself

Maybe I should be involved in a scandal myself.

Yet, she’s not willing to part with her current boyfriend because he’s someone she sees herself having a future with. The new boy is just a temporary one to fill in for the job, but she wouldn’t discount possibly having a future with him if he can prove himself right.
I could never approve of what the girl does, nor what the new boy did. I symphathize her current boyfriend for not knowing anything. And even if he knew, there’s nothing he can do about it.
I know many people would disagree with me, telling me that my thinking is old-fashioned and stuff.

“They are all young 20-something people, why restrict themselves to one person? All is fair in love and war, whattttt.”
“If she doesn’t mind, he doesn’t mind and the boyfriend doesn’t know… Why you so busybody?”
“Sometimes people know what they are doing is wrong, but they do it anyway… That’s called LOVE!”

They say it as a bright golden halo appears over their heads and a single tear rolls down their cheeks.
I say BULLSHIT lah! Now you get two for the price of one, and you find it so fun. Next time people do it back to you, then how? Are you gonna kau peh kau boo over it? At least you should break up with your current boyfriend if you were to pursue this new relationship bah, right? What if your boyfriend find out? Then how? And how long can this go on? Forever? I don’t think so! In the end you have to choose and when that happens… at best you have one broken heart, at worst you have three broken hearts!
Maybe eventually they can settle it WWE style in a 10-foot-high steel cage ladder match.

Maybe eventually they can settle it WWE style in a 10-foot-high steel cage ladder match.

Then again, that’s just what I think. Judging by the number of people going overseas for studies, I’m sure many people would have experienced long-distance relationship at some point. So I’m interested to know what you think.
Is my notion of love and relationship too traditional to be applied in the 21st century? Are we allowed to have a temporary partner if our current partner is overseas, provided everyone keeps hush about it?

You Just Need… Each Other

“You dont need over-priced roses in an extravagant vase and arrangement to show her you care. You dont need pricey chocolates, or splashy jewelry…You dont need the extravagant, money-grubbing, frivolous things. . . just each other.”

Wise words from Pio (an amazing blogger btw, considering his age) in Kim’s page. But you know what I think?
Obviously that’s the ideal situation that us guys would love to have. No need to spend a single cent on overpriced goodies, just spend time with each other, and all the other stuff from those schmoozy woozy tear jerking romance movies like The Notebook. Two people sitting on a fallen tree log by the seaside watching the sun goes down. Awwwwww…
The Notebook
But this is the real world. Girls want over-priced roses on Valentine’s. They want expensive chocolates. Of course spending time with each other is important too, but ITS VALENTINE’S DAY DAMMIT! You’re supposed to treat me better than the 364 other days that’s not Valentine’s Day and the 84 other days when I’m having my PMS! Otherwise, what’s the point of Valentine’s? Correct or not?
As much as girls tell their bfs “Flowers? No need lahh… don’t waste money”. I know girls lah. Outside, they blast the V day but deep down inside they secretly want it one.
“I don’t want flowers” means “I want flowers.”
“Lets just eat Maggi Mee for dinner” means “I want my candle light dinner at the 5 star restaurant.”
“I’ve got a surprise for you in the bedroom tonight” means “I don’t want to have sex with you tonight.”
That’s why girls are so hard to understand. They say they want one thing, but what they want inside is a whole different thing.
Say you’re a girl and you go out dating with your boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. You see all these couples around. So you peek at one of the couples to see what the boyfriend got for the girl.

What’s that? One single filmsy rose in a cheap plastic wrapper? HAHAHAHAHA! My boyfriend got me lilies ah! Hear that or not? LILIES LEHHH!!! TEN OF THEM SOMEMORE! Expensive one leh! Somemore my one comes decorated with baby’s breaths leh. BABY’S BREATHS LEH!!!!!
What else he got for you? Silver necklace? From where? Pooh Khee Mah Goldsmith in India Street? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! My boyfriend got me PLATINUM necklace leh! Not just any necklace you know. Don’t play play, TIFFANY & CO LEHHH!!!

You think girls don’t like to compete with each other? Hoh! Sometimes they are even more competitive than guys one you know! I call it the MBABTY (My Balls Are Bigger Than Yours) syndrome. Everyone is suffering from the MBABTY syndrome, including girls. If you have something, I want to have it too – and I want it to BETTER than yours.
Girls criticise Valentine’s Day for being too overrated. Guys complain about Valentine’s Day for being too commercialised. So who’s left celebrating Valentine’s? Despite so many people openly attacking it, many couples still celebrate Valentine’s Day. Why? GIRLS LAH! Abuthen?

Ok I know many females read this blog. So, I expected to get flamed for this. Let the Kenny-Blasting session begin. 🙂

P/S. This will be my last entry about Valentine’s Day I promise. Shall revert back to the old classic blue’s theme from the next entry onwards. 🙂