Made-In-China DVDs

I should have written about this a long time ago, but I completely forgotten about it until I was looking through my photo archives earlier today.

Remember I was in Shanghai a few months back? The wonderful land that gave us horny parsleys and other bad Engrish has, in my mind, the most fascinating supermarket DVD section in the world.
I was randomly browsing for some DVDs at this huge supermarket called TrustMart in suburban Shanghai, when I noticed that something doesn’t quite fit in. For a start they have a children’s CD section.

Then RIGHT NEXT TO IT is the sex video collection.
Not sure if they’re trying to promote impulse buying, but I don’t think a lot of people is gonna go there, buy a sex instructional video, then go “Hmmm… maybe I should plan ahead and get a children’s CD while I’m at it.”
The thing that caught my attention, was the cover of this DVD.

I’ve never heard of the movie The Lost World. I know Jurassic Park 2 is also called The Lost World, but the cover’s not like that at all. In fact, this one doesn’t even look like a movie.
It looks more like some sorta computer game. World of Warcraft maybe?

I must’ve missed the period when long eyebrows was in fashion.

Then as I continue browsing, I became more and more suspicious.
I spotted another DVD called Crus of the Aders, which is another movie title not many people has heard of.

But hang on, doesn’t the way the man poses and holds his sword reminds you of another more recent movie?
Specifically, Kingdom of Heaven starring everyone’s favourite broom stick – Orlando Broom?

OMG. As if it’s not bad enough selling sex videos in a supermarket, they flipped Orlando Broom’s head and made him ugly!

Blasphemy! Will somebody please think of the 13-to-14-year-old teenage girls!
If you think those were bad, it’s nothing compared to this one.
The thing that REALLY took the cake, was when I saw hot Asian starlet Shu Qi on YET ANOTHER DVD I’ve never seen before.

When’s the last time Shu Qi appeared in a movie that require her to hold a bow and arrow in a 17th century rag?
Or is it even a 17th century flick? Because if you look close enough, you could see aeroplanes in the background of that DVD.
And if you look REALLY close, you might think to yourself, “Hey, I’ve seen this somewhere before.”
And you’d be right.

They photoshopped Shu Qi’s face onto Keira Knightley’s body!

And they even gave her a digital boob job while they’re at it.
How considerate!

I had a great day today.
I had a great day watching Amber Chia gyrating and screaming madly in bed. Hohoho. 🙂

92 Replies to “Made-In-China DVDs”

  1. aiyo… so cheapo lame wan ..jiak lat.. some more still not ashamed about it .. tsk tsk tsk. I’m surprised u din check out their medicinal/sex/health products or come across some really weird ones… I’m sure they have stuff for everything, even the weirdest part of the anatomy and give diehard guarantees. hehhe.. interesting to see what they can come up with 😉

  2. It happens in Sarawak. All the dvd’s u notice will have some other movie or stuffs on it. Sometimes u got Steven Seagal with Rambo… *haiz*…

  3. For once, i would really like to visit China just for the sake of their imitations of others! Darn it! They always come out with some weirdo names that none of the homosapiens on earth have heard about. I wonder if they’re having geniuses or idiots working in a room just to come out with those names

  4. LOL there’s even Arwen’s face (or an imitation of it) on the top left corner of the ‘Crus of the Aders’ DVD…

  5. Wait… so are those adult DVDs?
    They could be real adult dvds imported from USA, those have been known to do such things… 🙂

  6. Is it just me, or does Orlando not look like Orlando in the actual Kingdom of Heaven poster?
    It’s like they gathered a bunch of ten year olds who just learned to use Photoshop, a bunch of DVDs (and a couple of games) and locked them in a room.

  7. The Lost World by Sir Doyle is actually a TV series.
    Kiera’s boobs were digitally enhanced by the marketing people promoting the original movie, not Shu Qi’s.
    Link here

  8. Seems like China has a very high piracy technology. I once bought a few pirated DVD of latest movies from china, the quality is very good if comparing to local market, seems like they emphasize very much on the quality too, haha…

  9. Amber Chia is really cheap as you can see, she’s endorsing almost every single crap that there is… MOVE ON KENNY! You can stop bragging about meeting and knowing Amber Chia, and her English totally sux, we just find it very hard to respect people who don’t know much English. Representing Malaysia internationally? Gosh I’m so embarrassed by her, imagine what foreigners will think! They must think all Malaysians speak sucky English, like how they think we still live on trees!
    Learn English please Amber! Maybe those pre-school tapes next to the sex DVDs will help? Kenny you should have bought some for our nation’s sake!

  10. i would have bought those few dvds thinking they are super new movies… 🙁
    anyway, i can explain the rational for the adult and kids dvd bring close together.
    stand at the kids section but look at the adults section… that way, people who walk around will say “wah, this guy very caring father la… buying dvd for his kids”.
    then when u spot the dvd u want (adult one), grab it and sandwich it between 2 kids dvd.
    with this sort of arrangement, u sell 3 dvds! 🙂

  11. Did you notice at the top left hand corner of Crus of the Aders is Arwen from Lotr, otherwise known as Liv Tyler?
    I’m confused. I wonder what movies are burned into those hybrid dvds.

  12. wow, that’s pretty cool, i’m from china and i’ve actually never noticed such things 😛 haha, what a change i guess…also, did you actually buy these DVDs? and watch them? see if they are actually the same movie, just a rip off cover, or a totally different movie. …, imagine they just took the original movie and digitally edited the azn head on it through the movie, that’d be awesome

  13. Hey Kenny, can u tell me what’s the codes for ‘recent comments’. I wanna put em for my sidebar too. Easier to check for the latest comments as some of my friends commented on older posts. What were YOU doin on the set of Possessed anyway? 😉

  14. erm…just fyi.. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World DOES exist. It’s some series thing I think. It used to show on tv2, not sure if it still does. ahah. It’s not a cheapskate ripoff movie thingy. =)

  15. And KennySia does it again. This one should be archived Kenny’s Classics. 😉 TOgether with the super funny posts. Haha. THanks Kenny.
    I’m curious though, what exactly is the movie that is contained in that “ori” disc, the one with the China laser stickers? Some shops in Melbourne sell the music cds with the laser stickers for a much higher price (when converted) when these cds prolly cost maybe bout 8-10 ringgit and in these shops they cost 20 AUD? Imagine the profit! heh

  16. I recognize the pictures on the porn DVD that the arrow is pointing at, they’re Thai girls from a certain softcore magazine that I used to look at.
    Oh, and I don’t know if Chinese movies pirate content as much as they do on the covers, as Indian movies would do the same for their soundtracks. Heard Last of the Mohicans and Terminator music on one filming in the span of ten minutes.

  17. speakin abt engrishh.. check out this japanese donut webbie.. [d engrish is really like those on the japanese stationaries]
    = penguins are “pingoo”
    = “It is possible and building is tasty, you can enjoy the store of nationwide any.”
    = “In coffee me of popularity, the ice appears! Therefore exact future in season, by all means please in the doughnut and simultaneous.”

  18. Someone jusy came to my site because they Yahoo searched for Crus of the Aders. I went to the Yahoo search page and found, in addition to you (and me courtesy of you), that there is a download available for the same flick, same cover….
    Ah, China….

  19. But, I still don’t understand why they have to go through the trouble of magling the cover-art of the western movies they are pirating. Isn’t it much more work than just stealing the artwork off the internet?
    Seems like an awful lot of work to me.

  20. CRUS of the ADERS even has the same fonts as LORD of the RINGS! Probably a mix and match of a few movie covers!

  21. It was funny to read this blog entry. I came here from an Indonesian blog and found out that your entry about DVD made in China was hillarious. Did u buy any of that DVD?

  22. Hahah… Wow, being in Shanghai for 2 years now, I never realised there’s so many “weird” movies on… Maybe that’s because most of the movies we watched are simply downloaded… =P

  23. those copy cat in china, your country has 5000yrs history that everyone boost, why be a copy cat boh, china got multi million boobs, dont tell there is no big boobs and leng chai? but i know you wana make quick money but tell you wat, you also destroy your country lah! short sighted! bae ta han!!

  24. Hi. Do you know about “ English teacher in Shanghai”
    There is have a blog called Sex in Shanghai in which a Western guy tells about all his exploits with Chinese women here in Shanghai. (That blog is still #1 on the “hottest blogs” list on the CBL, but it now seems to be inaccessible.) Since then, the Chinese have found out about the blog, and they are (understandably) pissed.
    Bristol Chinese Pain relief Acupuncture

  25. bla bla bla… i wanted to giv comments…but when i read until here, i 4gotten everything..LOL… sry then… kenny sia…hmm.. nt bad writter tho…jus dat certain parts r kinda lame.. not bad after all…

  26. I am going to Shanghai soon, I wonder can I find any Hong Kong Series (speaking in Cantonese) compressed DVD tape in Shanghai? If can, Please tell me the places?

  27. hey..there’s people said it creativity???
    hahaha…bad creativity.i think it’s good if we called that star is shu qi knightley

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