Computer Functions In Real Life

I think I’m becoming increasingly over-reliant on my computer these days.

I spend most of my time at work facing a computer. I read the news online, I write letters, socialise, communicate, research, play games, earn money, do my banking, book my flights on all using a computer. And with my career firmly in the IT line, I doubt things aren’t gonna change for the better anytime soon.
The sad fact is that I spent so much time on the computer that I don’t know even how to lead a normal life without it anymore. It’s bloody ridiculous.
I depend on my computer so much, sometimes I even wished there were computer features built into real life.
Like that other time when I was attending a business function that required me to make small talks with countless strangers. It’s impossible to remember everyone’s name right. Mistakes can and do happen.

Damn awkward when you’re stuck in a situation like this, isn’t it?
How I wish there’s a feature like’s spell check function in real life. That way, then at least you can have a chance to correct yourself before you stumble and end up making a bad first impression.

Works out to be so much safer.

Or I could be trying to cook a dish dinner but have absolutely no idea how to proceed. The best I could do was prepare all the ingredients. Times like this I wish a paper clip will pop up from the corner and ask me if I need help.

I’d say ‘yes’ and just like that, dinner is ready to be served.

That would be a cool feature.

Then there were countless frustrating times when I lost my wallet, phone or car keys.

Imagine how nice it would be if next time I misplaced my stuff, and a window box popped up all of the sudden and asked me:

I think that would make life so much easier for absent-minded ppl like me.

But I tell you what is useful though.

Say it’s a Saturday night, you’re feeling a little naughty, a lil raunchy. You walked into a hip club looking for some hot steamy action. The club is packed but none of the sexy ladies were looking at you. You feel like a failure, standing all alone.
How nice would it be if at this point in time, you can do this?

Google’s “I’m Feeling Lucky” function in real life. Now won’t you just luurrrrvvvveeee to have that!? 😉

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Darth Towel Holder

(Spotted at one of the shops in Hock Lee Centre.)

My name is Anakin Skywalker.
Son of my murdered mother, Shmi Skywalker.
Husband of my wife I executed, Queen Padme Amidala.
Father of Luke and Leia Skywalker.
Faithful servant to the great Sith Lord Darth Sidious, Emperor Palpatine.
Once I was the most feared man in the Galactic Empire.
I ruled the Imperial Army with an iron fist.
I was an evil and ruthless war criminal.
A mass murderer.

Now, I’m nothing more than a towel holder.

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Para Para Paradise

I don’t go to arcade games much nowadays.
At least not as much as when I was 15 when arcade gaming centres are like religious temples to me. Nowadays, XBoxes and PS2s are around with better games and much superior graphics. About the only time I’d play in the arcade right now now is when I feel like kicking some sorry asses in Daytona USA.

I spotted this curious-looking machine when I was in Sibu earlier during the week.
It’s a Para Para machine. Para Para, is of course, a type of dance move that rivals only the Melbourne Shuffle in terms of popularity. The only difference is that instead of shuffling your feet madly like you’re holding your pee and wanna go to the toilet, you move your arms madly like you’re scolding that idiot who’s taking too much time inside the toilet.

I remember when I was at Mambo Night in Zouk Singapore a few months back, the nerdy college kids on the platform did it with such style I said to myself “Mannn… one day, I want to be just like them!”
Anyway, I decided to give the machine a shot.

The Para Para machine has an octagonal platform with sensors around it to detect hand movements. You’re supposed to move your hands in sync with the moving arrows on screen. And this is how I went.

My condolences to all the mosquitoes I whacked during the dance.

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On The Road Again

This sucks.

Earlier this year, I made some new year’s resolution. I told myself I will put half my salary away every month into savings, provided I don’t travel during that month. The condition is in there because I tend to spend a lot when I travel – the hotels, taxis, food, Starbucks all add up. I thought it was a fair and achievable resolution.

But dammit, I’ve been travelling every single friggin month since the start of the year. I’ve travelled more times in the past 8 months than I ever did in my entire life. And it’s already the FOURTH month of the year. That was fast. Wasn’t New Year’s Eve like yesterday?
Sure feels that way.

I only just returned from KL last week. Right now I’m in Sibu – land of the Foochows, home of the Kampuas. Next Thursday I’ll be in KL again before heading off to Phuket. That’s 4 cities in the span of 3 weeks.
Die. How to save money lah like that?

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Kenny Sia Attempts To Write A Bimbo Blog

It’s tough job being a male blogger sometimes.
Some people write for themselves and some people write for an audience. Like most people, I do both and I reckon did a pretty good job so far balancing them.
I do have to admit though that I don’t always find writing for an audience easy at all. Most people tell me that they visit my blog for laughs. I acknowledge that. However ideas, inspiration and wit are not something that come 24/7. They go through a cyclical pattern, much like a woman’s menstrual cycle.

So occassionally during my low point I get people telling me, “Eh Kenny, write something funny lah.” I try to tell them “Eh friend, I’m gonna be very busy the next two weeks hor. Can you like, make my girl have PMS right now so we can get it over and done with?”
That usually shuts them right up.
It’s so much easier being a female blogger.
Guys can only write so much humour, politics and technology before we run out of inspiration. For girls, they can write the same stuff if they wanted to, but they can also write a bimbo blog.
Bimbo blog is a genre of blogging that’ll never go out of style. They’re characterised by the blogger (usually female) posting up half-an-Internet-full-of-bandwidth-sucking photos of themselves going about doing stuff like partying, going for manicures, shopping, partying, attending fashion shows, partying, doing their make-up, partying, meeting celebrities, going on a cruise, partying, partying, partying… zzzzzzz.

Bimbo blogs may not have a lot of substance or thought-provoking content, but you know what? They’re fun. And people read it. And people DIG those shit. I know I do. Just look at the female bloggers I linked to on my sidebar – half of them write darn good bimbo blogs.
I read a lot of bimbo blogs because I’m a hot-blooded male and I never stop being curious about the opposite sex since puberty.
One thing though. Bimbo blogs are strictly the realm of female bloggers. Guys can’t write bimbo blogs. I mean if you’re a guy and you enjoy posting up multiple hi-resolution self-indulgent photos of yourself, mannnnn… you got some serious issues to deal with, mate. Stop touching my body.

That’s precisely the reason why I can’t help but to feel envious of Xiaxue sometimes. I know it’s a bit mean for me to say this, me being her personal friend, I love her and all that. But Xiaxue doesn’t exactly write the most cheem stuff you know, and yet the advertisers LOVE her! They love her to DEATH!
I don’t understand. How on God’s Green Earth is one girl able to, just by writing a pink bimbo blog, attract all those companies giving her free T-shirts, free cruises, free MP3 players, free contact lens solution, free manicure, free hairstyling, etc. At the same time still able to earn MORE advertising revenue in a month than my monthly salary working 9-5.

Heck, I’m getting more hits now than Xiaxue when she first got her Localbrand endorsement. WHERE IS MY ENDORSEMENT DEAL?! WHERE IS MY DAWN YANG TALENT AGENCY CONTRACT!? Hello? Big time major corporate companies!? Does being the No.1 Malaysian blog on Technorati not mean ANYTHING to you???
Ok ok ok, maybe not.
My point is, I’m drowning in a green pool of jealousy at all these perks the bimbo blogs are getting. I think it’s clear.
So I figured, why not turn into a bimbo blog? I’d love to go on a free cruise. I’d love to get a free MP3 player. If they can do it, why can’t I?
I mean, how DIFFICULT could it be? All I got do is… post up many many photos of myself.
I am in a good mood today so I am going to give you all make up tips.
These are my nails.

These are my nails after I put on fake nails.

I am so pretty.

These are my eyes.

These are my fake eyelashes.

These are my eyes after I put on fake eyelashes.

I am so pretty.

This is Superstar Virgo.

They sponsored my cruise trip. I am so happy. Please support Superstar Virgo.

Here are some photos of me clubbing with my friends.

Ok gtg. In case you forgot how chio I am, here’s a reminder.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

Don’t you think I’m so gorgeous?

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