Wallpapers By kennysia.com

I am awesome.
I travel a lot, and I take a lot of photos when I travel. Very often, I wet myself witnessing how amazing some of the shots turned out to be. Most of these pics were taken using a simple point-and-shoot camera (my trusty 3-megapixel Kodak) with minimal touch-up done using Photoshop.
These pics had served me faithfully as my desktop wallpapers in the past. I reckon it’s criminal if I don’t share them, so feel free to download them for your own personal use.
The Boathouse
Perth, Australia.

Download as 1280 x 960 wallpaper

Saratok Sunset
Saratok, Malaysia.

Download as 1280 x 960 wallpaper

Singapore Sling

Download as 1280 x 960 wallpaper

East Meets West
Shanghai, China.

Download as 1280 x 960 wallpaper

I need to rant.
It seriously pisses me off to no end listening to people with a warped sense of aesthetics.
Everytime I put up a photo of a girl who I think looks good or at least above average, 99.9% of the time I’ll get inundated comments saying she’s not JUST “not pretty”, not JUST “an average-looking lass”, but “fucking fucking UGLY”.

Carrie is pretty. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a piece of turd oozing out from the backside of someone who had taken Melilea for 30 days straight.

Has the whole world gone mad? Whatever happened to the different degrees of beauty? Everything now must be either ‘pretty’ or ‘ugly’ one meh? Whatever happened to descriptions like ‘reasonably pretty’ or ‘average’ or even ‘mediocre’?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying everybody should agree with me. I’m okay if people think the girl I put up is not pretty. I’m just saying I find it UNBELIEVABLE that people would actually classify girls like Ericka or Emma as “fucking fucking UGLY”.
Shit, if girls like Emma are considered fucking ugly, what do you call Courtney Love?

As far as I’m concerned, there are two possible explanations to this scenario.
One, is what Lena Fonseka said to me was right. Our perception on beauty has become so screwed up by fashion mags and MTV, that anything less than FHM cover girl perfection is considered “fucking fucking UGLY”.
If that’s the case then I mourn for the deterioration of human intelligence. Thanks to you, every girl who has not graced the covers of FHM is now considered “fucking fucking UGLY”.

Two, is that I went to sleep one night and miraculously woke up in Planet Mars. Over here, every thing is polar opposite to the way things are on Earth. Our red is their green, our cloud is their sea, and our pretty is their ugly. If that’s the case, then I apologise for being an ‘alternative’ not willing to accept mainstream opinion.
And to make it up to you, I present to you YOUR most beautiful woman in the world.

Don’t complain. You asked for it.

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mindfuck v.

  1. To mess with someone’s head until they are quite confused.
  2. An obscure type of porn where the penis is inserted into a hole drilled in someone’s skull.
  3. Actually there’s no 3. If you believe in 2, you’ve just been mindfucked.

This is Ericka. She’s this great girl I met last weekend.

Ericka is 26, attached, a research analyst, a Godfather fanatic, a cat lover, a Xiaxue and kennysia.com reader. At least that’s what I know is true about her.
Ericka is also the queen of cock-and-bull stories, like how when I first met her, she told me she’s 36 and her name wasn’t Ericka, but Julie. She also told me she has two kids, aged 10 and 6, both with Down’s syndrome. But she talk cock only, not true one.

Ericka is a feisty little girl with a bubbly personality and a great load of fun to hang out with. How exactly I got to know her has gotta be ranked up there as one of the most bizarre moments in my life.
(This is gonna be quite a long story, so go grab a cup of coffee and make yourself comfortable.)

It all started last Saturday night when I ventured out with David to Kuching’s newest drinking hole at the Travilion for Halloween. I did my stuff, drank myself silly, returned home at 3am and was about to call it a night when I got a phone call from HB, another blogger from Kuching.
HB: Kenny! Were you at MC3 just now?

Kenny: Eh, I was. How did you know?
HB: I was there too. My friends said that they saw you and you even took a picture of us!
Kenny: I did? I didn’t even know you were there. Where are you now?
HB: I’m at Miami!
Kenny: Where’s Miami? (Florida?)
HB: Miami is near Rainforest.
Kenny: Alright, I’ll head down there in a bit.
HB: Wait, wait… my friend wants to talk to you…
*HB passes the phone over to someone*

Unidentified Female Observer: Is this Kenny?
Kenny: Yeah it is.
UFO: Hi, my name is Julie. We were with HB at MC3 just now.
Kenny: Ya I know! I didn’t see you guys when I was there!
UFO: We’re at Miami now. Are you gonna come?
Kenny: Errr… It’s a bit late… but yea I’ll come.
Half an hour later I drove down to Miami (which was actually located opposite Hilton and not in Florida) to find John, Sebastian, HB and “Julie” sipping drinks in a quiet bar.

To be honest, I didn’t think much of “Julie” when I first saw her. I can see that she’s above average-looking. She just didn’t quite catch my attention. Maybe if she were someone I bumped into in the streets, I would turn my head to check her out but I’d easily forget about her 2 seconds later.
Besides, I was there to catch up with HB.
We didn’t talk much that night. Just some trivial stuff. The four of us left after only about 20 minutes and I thought no more about the evening.
Until the day after, when I got mindfucked by Ericka so much, I think my head is getting pregnant.

It was a lazy hungover Sunday afternoon. I was at Bing Coffee together with David and Ah Yang going through the finer details of the Detox Diet, when I got this phonecall from an unidentified 016 number.
Mindfucker: Hello may I speak to Kenny?
Kenny: Yah, that’s me.
Mindfucker: Uhmm… I’m calling to ask if you have a job opening?
Kenny: A job opening? Not that I know of. Who’s this? How did you get my number?
Mindfucker: Oh I got it from a friend. She said to look for you if I want to get a job.
Kenny: No no no… I won’t be the one responsible for filling vacancies. Look, why don’t you pass me a copy of your resume and I’ll see what I can do about it.
Mindfucker: Resume? No need resume lah. I want to be your personal assistant!
Kenny: Huh? But I don’t need a personal assistant!
Mindfucker: But I want!
Kenny: Alright then how would you like to ‘personally assist’ me?
Mindfucker: Do you know who I am?
Kenny: Who?
Mindfucker: I’m Julie.

Kenny: Julie? Julie from last night? Yeah I remember.
“Julie”: Listen, I wanted to apologise. We called you so late last night to ask you out and then when you came we all left just like that.
Kenny: Oh that? Nah, don’t worry about it. It’s no biggie.
“Julie”: You’re not pissed? I know I’d be pissed.
Kenny: Not at all. I’m fine. Really.
“Julie”: Heyyyy… I wanted to ask you something.
Kenny: Shoot.
“Julie”: What do you think of me?
Kenny: You? Err… I don’t know? I’ve only known you for like 15 minutes.
“Julie”: What’s your first impression of me?
Kenny: Well, I can see that you’re nice and friendly and approachable.
“Julie”: That’s all!?!
Kenny: Hey, that’s all I could tell in that 15 minutes of knowing you!
“Julie”: Would I be someone you’d bring out on a date?
Kenny: If I’m single, I’d bring you out on a date.
“Julie”: But you’re single in Kuching what!
“Julie”: !!!
“Julie”: Ok. What do you think of XiaXue?
Kenny: What?!
“Julie”: If you could choose between me or XiaXue, which one would you choose?
(Are you nuts?! You don’t ask people questions like that after knowing them for only 15 minutes.)

Kenny: Ummm… YOU?!
(Tip for guys: For the love of your own coconuts, if you’re ever asked questions like that by a girl, ALWAYS say you’ll choose her even if you had to lie through your teeth. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.)
Kenny: Yeah… !
“Julie”: What are you doing tonight?
Kenny: Tonight? No special plans leh.
“Julie”: Wanna go out or not?
Kenny: Err… sure.
“Julie”: Ok loh then I’ll give you a call later tonight.
The meetup later that night went quite well with the level of mindfucking kept to the minimum. But Ericka had already messed up my head pretty bad.

For some obscure reason, the telephone conversation we had kept playing up in my mind. I was thinking – she’s attached, she knows I’m attached, we got nothing to offer each other except a friendly platonic relationship. So what was that conversation all about?
Over the next few days, I woke up thinking about Ericka, I shat thinking about Ericka, I went to work thinking about Ericka and I went to bed thinking about Ericka. Not in the I-miss-her kinda way. More like who-the-heck-is-this-girl-and-what-the-hell-does-she-want-from-me kinda way.

Chupachups and Chivas never looked so good.

Maybe she just wanna be friends with the person behind the blog she reads. And in a way she achieved that. Truth to be told, if it weren’t for that phone conversation, I wouldn’t give two hoots about her. But she called, she got my attention and I’m actually glad things happened that way.
After that unusual initial meeting, I gradually got to know Ericka a little better over the course of the Hari Raya long weekend. We cleared things up. The personal assistant thing and the Xiaxue thing were obviously nothing more than talking cock.

John, Sebastian, myself, Ericka, and a ghost.

Surprisingly, she told me none of these were planned. It just so happened that John spotted me at the club that night, asked HB to call me over, who introduced me to Ericka, who just happened to be there. And all the silly things she said on the phone were just spontaneous reaction.
Ericka is just this naughty, playful and feisty personality who has a penchant for being overly friendly to everyone. But overall I still like her. She may say things that mess with people’s head. More often than not she does it without any malicious intent. So we’re close friends now, and it’s all cool.

My point is, the art of mindfucking seems to be permanently ingrained in women’s DNA. All women exudes that kind of charm and beauty most men find difficult to resist. They know it and some knows how to use it effectively as a weapon without coming across as slutty or sexual.
The trick seems to be mindfucking men into believing that they might have a shot at fucking the real thing.
I know girls use it on their boyfriends ALL THE TIME. They mindfucked you into buying her those Louis Vuitton handbags or that Ferragamo shoes, all the while subtly hinting that if you swiped your platinum credit card at the cashier counter you might get lucky tonight.
Too bad. Come bedtime, the only thing you’ll be fucking with is your left hand.
Girls are evil. And us guys are just suckers for that.

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Hari Raya Open House

Hari Raya matters more to me this year compared to previous years. To my Muslim friends, it marks the end of Ramadhan.

Woke up this morning to find myself 3kg less than I was 3 days ago.

To me, it marks the end of my Detox Diet. Woohooooo!

This is Aileen, who generously invited me to her Raya open house.
I knew Aileen from way back. We kinda lost touch for a while, and now she’s an English teacher working in Johor. She told me once that one of her Form 3 students reads kennysia.com. Ehhh… my blog is not educational material ok!

I like going to Aileen’s place for open house because she always prepares gastronomical amount of yummy Malay/Indian food.

This is chicken korma, a mild curry made with yoghurt, cream and nuts.

This dish is super-tasty and oh-so-sinfully oily. The lamb curry is easily my favourite dish from the buffet table, and I don’t even like lamb.

Red chicken curry, or rendang, or masak merah, or whatever. I’ll be honest. I couldn’t differentiate between the different types of Malay dishes.

It’s not everyday you get to see kids in songkok dancing to the tunes of Siti on DVD singing live in Albert Hall.

Having been away for so many years, I forgot how beautiful the Malay culture is. Even back home, I live in the Chinese-dominated Kuching South and seldom get the chance to know many Malay friends. It’s fulfulling in a way watching friends and families coming together celebrating Raya.
These are Aileen’s friends, Amy and Cecilia.

I always thought Malay clothes look like pyjamas, but everyone at Aileen’s place look so fabulous in lustrous traditional Malay clothing. I actually felt out-of-place with my shirt and jeans.

This is Aileen’s cousin Amy. She’s the only finalist from Sarawak in the 3rd season Akademi Fantasia (Malay language version of an Idol-format singing competition). Gotta love her purple-coloured baju kurung.
I went home after spending a good 2 hours at Aileen’s place. I was full after two rounds at the buffet table, each time filling my plate to the brim with nasi briyani topped with delicious curry. You can’t blame me for being such a glutton though. I hadn’t touch meat for 3 days!


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Detox Diet

I’m on a Detox Diet right now. My mate David has successfully convinced me to go on the detoxification program with him… right after he intoxicated me with copious amount of ALCOHOL last Saturday night.

I felt duped. It is my third and final day on detox and I feel like dyingggg.
There are many variations of the Detox Diet out there, but mine is probably most hardcore. The rules of the game are simple:

– Fruit and Vegetables for 3 days. Preferably organic ones.
– Drink Melilea regularly.
– Strictly no milk, no meat, no eggs, no sugar, no exceptions.
– Processed food are banned. Don’t even think about touching canned food, noodles, or even rice.
– Absolutely, postively, no caffeine (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

Coffee – the most beautiful thing in the world (next to my mom).

The objective is to allow the organs to take a break from eating all the processed food of the modern day and go back to eating basics. By doing so, you flush out all the toxins from your body.
So I went out last Sunday and did my own grocery-shopping for the first time in 9 months. I never bothered to do my own groceries in Kuching. Why bother going through all the trouble cooking and cleaning at home when a meal outside costs merely RM5 right?

Anyway, I bought some suspiciously organic fruit and vege. Grocery-shopping on my own wasn’t that bad. The hardest part was probably pulling myself away from the Chocolates section.

I got myself a bottle of Melilea as well. For those who don’t know what Melilea is, it’s some disgusting mix of fruits and vege blended into powder form.
Believe me, it tastes as horrible as it sounds. The first time I took it, I thought I was shitting in my mouth. That’s how bad it is.
It tastes like grass-flavoured oatmeal!

This is what I had for lunch these past 2 days.
I couldn’t say I felt any better during the program. If anything, I actually felt light-headed and fatigue around afternoon time. The absence of meat in my diet is probably the culprit. I don’t like vege. Vege tastes like crap, but I still had eat it. Surprisingly though, I don’t get hungry often.
But whatever I was doing, I’m pretty sure I was doing it right – I lost 2kg in 2 days.

My detox offically ends tomorrow, just in time for Hari Raya. When tomorrow comes, you’ll see me happily hogging the buffet table at every single Raya open house in Kuching. Who’s gonna invite me?

People who have done Detox before know hardcore Detox dieters are dead serious about their shit… literally. Ask about about their toilet habits and they will tell you the size of their shit, how long it is, what colour it is, how often they go, how smelly it is, etc etc etc.
I was talking to a Melilea distributor this is what he said:
“This very good one! Can clean your stomach one! You eat this you will go to toilet everyday to shit one! I also eat this everyday until my shit become golden and can float on water one! Very good one!”
With a sales pitch like that HOW CAN YOU NOT BUY THEIR PRODUCT?
On a different note, I spotted this at a booth promoting some Melilea-like detox product.

Wow. Looks like health supplement companies have stopped featuring supermodels for their promotional materials and start using shit instead.
Still, you gotta wonder what’s going through the heads of their PR people when they come up with advertising materials like that.
Minion : Eh eh boss… how to sell this detox product har?
PR Manager : Aiya. Just tell them it’s for healthy one lorrrr.
Minion : Cannot boss! So many competitors out there selling the same thing! They use Karen Mok, Fann Wong, Christy Chung! We have to do something different!
PR Manager : Why don’t we tell people that if they eat our product, their shit will come out long long like sausage liddat? Then we take photos of random shit lying around on newspapers. How bout we take a photo of you holding up your own shit like you just became World Longest Shit Champion liddat? Gerengtee people will buy oneeee!
Minion : WAH BOSS! You so smart! GENIUS!

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