Category: Thoughts & Musings

Bad Malaysian Government Websites

I’m flying off to Sibu, Sarawak in 2 hours time for a business-related trip. I’m coming back Tuesday morning, which meant I won’t be able to log on for two evenings. Damn I’m gonna miss the Internet. Nicole once said to me after I repeatedly failed to fix up her internet connection, “I feel so handicapped without the internet!”. Now I know how she felt…

Contents of my luggage: toiletries, business wear, casual wear, ties, undies, and if you see carefully: the infamous red Daffy Duck boxer shorts.

Its my first time going to Sibu, so I’m actually looking forward to it. All I know about Sibu is that its the third largest city in Sarawak after Kuching and Miri, and is home of the Foochow’s kampua mee.
Oddly enough, I met more Sibu people when I was in Perth than I did when I’m in Kuching. To me, the Sibu people I know came across as plain, quiet, hardworking and innocent. They live a simple lifestyle: wake up, work, go home, eat, sleep – its the kind of lifestyle conservative Malaysian parents would approve of. Sibu people don’t care a lot about making up, wearing fashionable clothings, trying to look good or what not. Its either that, or they tried… but failed. Just kidding. 🙂
Anyway, to prepare for my trip to Sibu I googled ‘Sibu Sarawak’, and out came the official Sibu website at
Welcome page

Don’t ask me why its and not

I was greeted with the above welcome page. I hate welcome pages for a reason. Welcome pages are ok if there’s more than one link on that page asking you to select your country/language/whatever. But in most cases, there’s only ONE LINK on the welcome page. Its an extra work for the webdesigner to create, and extra work for the websurfer who have to click on that ONE link on that page to get to the information they want. And for what? To look at some pretty graphics? Pfft.
Hijacked for commercialism

The blurred line between a government website and a commerical website.

A minor crime they committed is to allow the webdesigner to hijack the website by inserting their domain registration services on the main page. Entering anything in that box will teleport you to the domain registrar’s website complete with bad Flash plugins and horrible mouseover sound effects. But funnily enough, I’m ok with having links to commercial services on a government website.
What I can’t stand is this… ANIMATED GIFs.
God dammit. Stare at that animation for five minutes and tell me you’re not going crazy. The Sibu website is not the only one. It seems like all government websites across Malaysia are obsessed with bad animated GIFs and bad Flash intros. OBSESSED!
Example, JPJ Wilayah.
Go on, click on that link. I dare you. Turn your speakers up loud.
I swear you’re gonna have that tune stuck in your head for the rest of the day. It happened to me. Now I feel like doing a cute little Malay dance everytime I hear that tune.
Any more bad government websites to share? Let me know. Meanwhile I’m off to the airport. See y’all in 2 days!

Kids Moving Out Of Parents’ House

My mother and I were having this conversation.

Kenny: “How much is the rent for a simple house in Kuching?”
Mom: “Not too sure. Why?”
“Well, I do have to move out from this house eventually don’t I?”
“What?” She replied in a surprised tone.
I looked at my mom, wondering why she reacted that way. “You’re not expecting me to stay in this house and depend on you forever, do you?”
My mom looked at me, obviously disappointed. “You wanted to move out?”
“Mom, in Australia kids move out of their parents’ house when they turn 18.”
She drew a heavy sigh. “Actually, I was hoping that you and your brother will stay together in this house. Then we can share everything together.” She said with such a sad tone. I felt an invisible needle pierced through my heart.
“You’re not expecting us to still stay in this house after we’re married, do you?”
“Why not? This is a good house, in a perfectly good location. The best location in Kuching!”
“Mom, if I continued to live with you well into my adulthood, that would be like me still depending on your cooking when I should be independant and you should start spending money and enjoy life. I’m not abandoning you, just living in a place of my own.”
“Well, if you and your brother move out, who’s going to take care of me when I grow old?” A second needle pierced through my heart. “What’s so bad about your family and your brother’s family and me living in the same house? That way, we can all take care of each others’ kids. You don’t want your kids to be raised by babysitters do you? You don’t know how many of them are snakes nowadays. And how are you going to afford living on your own? You don’t have money to burn. Renting would be like giving your money to strangers. You might as well live in this house and give it to me as ‘rent’. Bla bla bla bla…”

I’m not too sure what the Malaysian-Chinese tradition on this issue is. (Heh, sometimes I wonder if I’m still Malaysian-Chinese). I’m pretty sure at the very least, kids live with their parents until they after their marriage. After that they move in with their partners.
Their elderly parents would live in the same house, eventually selling it to move in with one of their sons, or give it to the eldest son and continue living in the same house.
Family Potrait

I grew up in a typical Malaysian-Chinese family. Three generations living under the same roof.

Only a very small proportion of Malaysian-Chinese parents actually move into retirement homes. Leaving your parents in retirement homes is considered by many as being disrespectful to your parents. If you even dare to suggest that option to them, they would bark at your asking you where your conscience lies. Crying, asking if you want your own children to treat you that way when you grow old.
Maybe its to do with that confusingly confusing Confucian values that Malaysian-Chineses are brought up with.
Rule #1 is to always respect your parents, meaning to live with them if they ask you to. In fact I think about the only way adult Malaysian-Chinese don’t live with their parents before their marriage is if they don’t live in the same city as their parents.
Its not the same the way I knew it in Perth.
In Aussie, people laugh at you if you tell them that you’re still living with your parents at 22 years old, as if you’re still a baby who needs mom to personally breastfeed you.

The reason why I wish I’m still be a baby sometimes. Well, I’m working towards that goal. Not with my mother though. 🙂

Their culture dictates that children move out when they turn 18. In practice, this usually extends to about 22 years old. After high school, University, an obligatory 1-year backpacking trip around the world, and a stable job… a typical Aussie would probably be 22 years old by then – which allows them to afford renting their own place and live away from their parents.
The odd thing is that its not usually the kids who want to move out. Its the Aussie parents who threaten their kids to move out. One of my uni mates told me that his parents had to pack all his items and leave them out the front door to convince him that he is not welcome back home unless he finds his own place to stay.
Australian parents do it because they want their kids to be independent physically and financially from them. Some parents would then refurbish the empty room and rent it to overseas students to earn that extra income. When they grow old and their house becomes too big for them, they move into retirement village where all the old people hang out, just like Grandpa Simpson!
Abe Simpson

Kenny, 86 years old.

It goes without saying that I love and respect my parents. That said, I’m not sure if and when I start my own family, that I would take up the option of staying with my parents AND my brother’s family.
Ideally, I’d like to move out to a rented place of my own before my marriage, whilst saving money to buy a house of my own. I’d still visit my parents and brother of course, but I want to live on my own. Sure, its a waste of money compared to all the luxuries I enjoy right now. Sure its going to be a chore trying to organise my own breakfast, lunch and dinner for myself.
But you know what? Its not like something I’ve never done before. I think I’ll appreciate the freedom and independance of bachelorhood before my marriage. And hopefully I can do that without being labelled a disrespectful son of a mother.
But I doubt so. 🙂

Things to Look Forward to In the Aftermath of Quake

The earthquake off the coast of Sumatra midnight this morning is a tragedy, no doubt about it. But as they always say, every cloud has a silver lining. Disasters like earthquakes and tsunamis are often unpredictable. However, the events that followed such disasters are very very certain.
Here are the list of things to look forward to in the aftermath of the Asian Quake crisis.

5. Disaster = Charity Concerts!

Backstreet Boys are so gay

Guys, I really really really wish I could say that I photoshopped this picture. I’m sorry to say that this photo 100% real – its official, THEY’RE GAYS!

The Backstreet Boys will be coming back to Malaysia to hold another ‘Force of Nature’ charity concert. Maybe this time we can all sing “Backstreets back, ALRIGHT!”
Halfway through Nick Carter will be probably speak in a touchy-feely voice saying “The biggest force of nature is the human spirit. *sniff*” Then AJ will be like “Will somebody PLEEASSEEE think of the children?” Then the five of them would be all crying and hugging and kissing and groping each other on stage, asking everyone to donate money for relief efforts, whilst they go backstage to provide some hand relief efforts for themselves.
As usual all the Datuks and Datins will have the best seats of the evening.

4. Disaster = People Blaming People for Everything!

Let the finger-pointing begin!
Hyper-religious idiots will be screaming “This is God’s revenge to all these Muslims!” Or in Audrey’s case, people saying to her “[You] should convert to Christianity now so if anything happens, [you] can go to Heaven.” Poor nations will be complaining that rich nations are stingy with their efforts. Rich nations will be contemplating whether to donate or spend another $30 billion bombing iRaq. Meanwhile, concerned/brain-dead citizens will blaming their government “OI!!! How come you din tell us earlier that there’s going to be an earthquake ar? ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!”

3. Disaster = Major Festivities Postponed or Cancelled!

Remember how last year’s New Year’s Eve celebrations were toned down or cancelled in the wake up the tsunami disaster? Sorry to all the jokers out there, but April Fool’s this year is postponed.
April Fool's Postponed
What? You think we all still have the mood to play jokes on people ah? Shame on you! Why don’t you spend your time helping out with the relief efforts instead?

2. Disaster = Opportunity for Political Publicity!

Opportunity for Political Publicity
Forget about reading the local Malaysian newspaper. I can describe the front page headlines for the next 7 days. Visualize this: Overblown pictures of political big-wigs hitting some gong or cutting some cake on some so-very-important ceremony. The big bold headlines would scream something like “Politician says ‘DONATE MONEY FOR QUAKE RELIEF EFFORTS!'”

1. Di$a$ter = “Buy thi$ and We’ll donate 5 cent$!”

Starbucks donation drive
Businesses will be taking advantage of this disaster to lunch, sorry… launch their late$t $ale$ promotion. They’ll entice you to buy their latest product whilst claiming that a portion of their money will go towards some big-ass charity. If you don’t buy their products then you must be a heartless person. Shame on you. People dying everywhere and you aren’t even helping those big companies to donate towards relief efforts!

Ahhhh…. I reckon its going to be oh-so-routine.
Of course, I’m not slamming them. After all, all these go towards a good cause.
But you know what? We don’t need big-ass charity concerts, big-nut politicians and big businesses telling us to donate money. We are not animals. We are humans, we have feelings and our need to help others should just come naturally from our hearts.
Guys, you don’t need me to tell you to donate money. Just give what you can give.

Meanwhile, here’s a picture of me doing my own relief effort. 😉
My own relief effort

Those Sweet Young Things from Singapore

I noticed that Singaporean girls are notoriously quick to follow the latest fashion trends.
The last time I was in Singapore was two years ago. Back then, the look of the season was that perfectly straight rebonded hair. I’m not surprised why that hairstyle is so popular since I know a lot of girls who wanted that perfect straight hair seen only on Taiwanese celebrities and Pantene commercials. Rebonded hair could instantaneously transform an otherwise bland and ordinary girl off the streets into a sizzling hot sexy babe like Jolin.
Jolin with her rebonded hair

Pay RM300 to rebond your hair and look like Jolin!

When I was in Singapore that time, I remembered sitting alone in the Jurong East MRT interchange.
Picture this scene.
A train arrived. Doors opened. Out came a Jolin Tsai lookalike with her long straight hair gracefully flowing in the wind. I looked at her. Everything turned into slow-motion. She smiled. My heart skipped a bit. My eyes fixated on her beauty. My drool dripping on the magazine I was reading.
Just as she walked past me, another Jolin lookalike walked out. And another one. And another one. Then another one. They look like angels. All with rebonded hair.
Heaven MRT station

Suddenly Jurong East transformed into Heaven.

Anyway, the trend has since died down a bit. I think the girls all got sick of looking alike, so at least now there’s a wider variety of hairstyles among the Singaporean girls. But just as one trend dies down, another new trend has hit those ever-so-fashion-conscious Singaporean girls.
This time round, its all about the mini skirts!
No, not those long ugly ones your high school teacher used to wear. I’m talking about those teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy super ultra-short skirts.
The ones that if you bend over, you will inadvertently broadcast the colour of your underwear and the beginnings (or was that the ‘ends’) of your ass to the entire world via CNN.
Short skirts galore

The white arrows point to examples of the kind of ultra short mini skirt I’m talking about.

I don’t know why, but when these short-skirt wearing girls stand in front of me, it certainly made those trips up the escalators a lot more interesting.
The elevator story

This is an escalator. Now imagine a girl with a very short skirt in front of you riding to the top of the escalator. What do you think you’ll see?

But hey! I’m not a horny bastard ok? I’m not the kind who stalk and prey on innocent young girls. See, when these girls choose to flaunt their ASS-ets and display the colour of their G-strings to me, its hard. Its really hard.
Hard as in… difficult. Not hard as in… penis… hard. No misunderstanding? Good.
Walking along Orchard Road, I can’t help but noticed that the lasses in Singapore have adopted a much liberal sense of dressing compared to our Malaysian counterparts. Maybe its the hot and humid Singapore weather, but there’s a galore of bared mid-riffs, cute spaghettis and short skirts on their 40kg frame. Sometimes I wonder what kinda water Singaporean girls drink to stay so slim. Maybe its the NEWater their government has been promoting.
Where did NEWater come from?

Wanna know how Singaporean girls managed to stay so slim?

Another thing I noticed is the number of lesbians openly showing their affection along Orchard Road. More lesbians than gays apprently. So, Lainie was right. There are plenty of gays and lesbians in Singapore, definitely a lot more compared to before.
Then, it hit me. If a large number of Singaporean women are lesbians, and those that are not lesbians are angmoh-loving SPGs, wouldn’t there be a distinct lack of Singaporean-men-loving straight women?
House of Fury preview

“Really ah? Ya hor?”

I mean… think about it! Most Singaporean men right out of army are suave, well built, well educated and have a good sense of humour. These are good quality men! Even if MOST of them hooked up with Singaporean girls, there are STILL going to be a lot of single Singaporean men left out there because the rest of the Singaporean girls are either (A) lesbian or (B) prefer white bread.
Gee, I wonder where can these poor Singaporean men can find their girlfriends then. Malaysia?
When my parents and I were in Singapore, I was always the one to get them food since my father isn’t very mobile and my mother has to stay by his side. I was lucky since Far East Plaza is just across the road from the hotel I was staying. Two years ago, Far East Plaza remind me very much of Kuching’s Hopoh or KL’s Sungai Wang, in that they sell mostly budget items and the closest thing they have to designer brands are imitated ones.
This time round I noticed a lot more creative, youthful and funky shops popping up. I like it how the young proprietors get so creative in the design of their shop and the display of their products.
One of the more interesting shop is InQBox, which looks more like an art gallery than a clothing/accessories shop. I went in there and one T-shirt immediately caught my eye.
LocalBrand T-shirt

The ‘Blind’ T-shirt, featuring the embossed print for the word ‘Blind’ in Braille.

What’s so special about this T-shirt you say? Well, I dunno. For a start, its LocalBrand.
LocalBrand logo
And they seem to have a promotion going on.
LocalBrand promotion
That is the reason why I bought the T-shirt.
Oh shit, what have I done?
Yes, I got the 20% discount.
I am ashamed.
I know.
Shut up.
‘Love’ is a funny thing.
Love can happen in the most unexpected places, under the most unexpected circumstance. A split second of contact can leave an impression that last for eternity.
They say love is blind.
They say there’s no such thing as love at first sight.
These people do not know love. They do not know fate.
But I know.
I know, because I have experienced it.
We met in the most unlikely of places.
It was but a mere split second, but seeing her made me think twice about the relationship I’m in right now. It made me think twice about continuing this whole long distance thing.
Funny how such a brief moment of contact with someone you’ve never met before can change one’s life, and one’s perception on life.
Deep down inside, I know what I want.
It was a difficult choice, almost an impossible one to make.
But I know, one thing for sure, is that – I – love – her.
Impossible as it may seem, but one day, she shall be mine.

It takes time.

But one day, she will be mine.
You just wait and see.

Lamborghini washed.

My Take on the Hilton Hacking fiasco

I’m so busy these days packing away all my stuff that even finding time to shit is a miracle. I admit this is gonna be a half-arsed entry.
By this weekend, someone will be coming over to take away my computer monitor. That doesn’t mean I won’t be able to blog. I can still blog, just that I won’t be able to see what I’m typing. So teh wrods mgiht npt comw out clrrektly.
Paris Hilton

The divine Miss P

I think by now most of you would have heard of the news about the heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune, the divine Miss Paris Hilton, who had her online mobile phone book hacked. For those not familiar with Paris Hilton, let’s just say that’s she’s more well known for her wild party antics, lack of general common sense, and her infamous sex video. The contents of her phone book and other stuff like notes and camera pictures are published on Among the list of about 500 contacts are phone numbers and email addresses of prominent celebrities, such as Eminem, Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst, Jay-Z, Avril Lavigne, Ashley Olsen, Ashlee Simpson, etc.
Ashlee Simpson?! I don’t know what those two airheads can talk about. Imagine Paris sms-ing Ashlee (1-310-254-7114).
Paris Hilton and Ashlee Simpson

Paris and Ashlee. Airhead vs airhead.

Paris: hey what’s up?
Ashlee: not much… what’s up?
Paris: errr… nothing major… i’m just hanging… what’s up?
Ashlee: dunno… well you messaged me first, so… what’s up?
Paris: just… partying… ummm, what’s up?

Fascinating stuff.
Eminem is another odd person to be on Paris Hilton’s phone book. One is always so disturbed and angry, and the other one laughs for no reason. What would Paris Hilton and Eminem (1-917-776-7643) talk about?
Paris Hilton and Eminem

Paris and Eminem. What can they talk about seriously?

Paris: hey what’s up?
Eminem: Alright. Now lose it.
Eminem: Just lose it.
Eminem: Go crazy.
Eminem: Oh baby.
Paris: AH-AH
Eminem: Oh baby baby.
Paris: AH-AH

To her credit, Paris Hilton has the number for Feed the Children (235-933-98001) stored on her mobile phone. Tell me seriously, how many people have phone numbers of charities stored on their mobile phone? Do you? Of course not! Because NO ONE STORES PHONE NUMBERS OF CHARITIES ON THEIR MOBILE PHONES!
Its as if she’s the kind of person that would feel sorry for the children in Africa all of the sudden. So much so that she would ring up Feed the Children and say “Hey! Let’s give those children from Ethiopia the penthouse suite of the Hilton Hotel in Las Vegas!”
Maybe Paris Hilton isn’t donating to Feed the Children at all. Do you see how sicky and skinny Paris Hilton is? And then it struck me. Maybe Feed the Children is giving food to Miss Paris Hilton instead!!! THAT’S IT!!! Remember, you hear it first on 😉
Feed the Children and Paris Hilton

Feed the Children and Paris Hilton

(Feed the Children is a legitimate charity btw. So if you haven’t given enough, give more. Because some people need it more than we do.)
There are even two doctors on the list, Dr Pat and a Dr Randy Harris. Frankly speaking, I reckon the name “Randy Harris” sounded more like a porn star’s name than a doctor’s name. Could Paris Hilton be wanting to expanding her video library? Would we ever see One Night In Harris? Only time will tell.
Its as interesting to note who is on the phone book as it is to note who is notOne Night in Paris co-star Rick Salomon?
There’s Australian mobile phone numbers of herself and tennis *cough*star*cough* Mark ‘The Poo’ Phillippoussis. I did try calling both numbers, and not surprisingly their accounts are already cancelled. Someone called DJ Am, who happened to be Nicole Richie’s boyfriend. He answered the phone call with an annoying tone, “This is the FBI speaking…”
You know what, looking through all these is kinda fun! Its a bit like looking into someone’s private life or reading someone’s blog (hey… what are you doing here?) Then again, I kinda felt sorry for Paris Hilton. After all, this is such a huge invasion of privacy and I’m sure she’s copping a lot of shit from her acquaintances.
Then I remembered how much I hated her, and miraculously, my guilt suddenly fades away. 🙂

Pet Names Couples Call Each Other

Valentine’s Day is over, but guess what? I’ve decided to continue with the lovey-dovey theme on Why? Because I enjoy making all my single friends feel like losers, that’s why! *cough*Kim*cough* HAHAHA!
Just kidding of course. Mannnn… I’m mean. Though I shouldn’t really laugh since my valentine is not here with me. Btw, did anyone notice that there seems to be a lot of bloggers out there who openly declared that they are anti-Valentine’s Day?
So, yesterday’s edition of the local newspaper published a special liftout called The Book of Love. Basically its a compilation of lovey-dovey messages that couples leave for each other on Valentine’s Day. A careful read through the book of love revealed…
Messages from couples who enjoyed (endured?) everlasting love.
Everlasting Love
Everlasting Love
Couples who didn’t have it easy.
Difficult Love
Difficult Love
Couples with a good sense of humour.
Funny Valentine
Proof that Valentine’s need not just be a celebration of love between couples.
Non Couple Valentine
Non Couple Valentine
And last but not least, couples with questionable pet names.
Questionable Valentine Names
Questionable Valentine Names
Questionable Valentine Names
Speaking of pet names, I’ve always been fascinated by the pet names couples give each other.
“Darling, honey, baby”… some of the pet names can be quite unoriginal, so its up to the couples themselves to personalize it somehow. I thought it was cute that Izuan became IzzyWizzy in front of his girlfriend.
Nicole and I had our fair share of pet names for each other. Even before we got together, I had called her sweetie and she had called me darling. She thought darling was a bit too common and unoriginal, so she started calling me dahwink and later wink wink.
Ang Ku Kueh
Similarly, I started calling her baby because I thought its more endearing. She liked it and so it stuck. But baby is too common, so I changed the one of the “B” to a “J” an started calling her baji, which sounded like vegie, so sometimes I’d call her Baji-table. Once, I called her Ang Ku Kueh (a red sticky Chinese cake). Later, she came to Perth and befriended Huey Ying, who at the time was studying Spanish. She found it cute that ‘pretty baby’ in Spanish is bebé bonito. So I had to start calling her Bonito
Nicole likes dogs. One day she said she wanted to have a dog, so I said to her “I can be your dog loh!”. And just like that, she started calling me Dog Dog, Doggie and later Woggie.
Our inspiration for new nicknames can come from the weirdest sources. Once we were shopping for clothes for my baby nephew Jayden. She found some from the brand Elle, which I thought was a bit girlish for Jayden. “No,” she said “This one is Elle Poupon, which means its for boys. The girls’ ones are called Elle Petite.” And just like that, I started calling her Petite and she started calling me Poupon. Once after watching Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events (great show btw), she started calling herself Sunny, after the baby girl in the movie.
Our friend Candice who had a dog called Bailey. Bailey has this toy ball that Candice would hide and ask him to find. “Toy Toy leh?” Candice would ask. So from then on, I started calling Nicole Toy Toy, which is what I call her until today.
My other friends have better things to call their partners though.
My dear friend Geraldine is famous for many things, one of which is the way she calls David. “HOOOOONNNNNNEEEYYYYYY!!!”, she would scream at the top of her lungs as the tiny hairs on my arm stand up. David has no idea why lovers call each other Honey. “Honey is something you put on your bread. Why not call your lover some other things that you put on your bread? Like ‘Butter’ or ‘Kaya’,…”

Lately, I’ve noticed yet another annoying trend.
Thanks to the song by Alicia Keys and Usher called “My Boo”, a lot, and I mean A LOT of couples are calling each other Boo. What the hell is a Boo? I have absolutely no idea. So I looked up’s definition of the word Boo.

  1. n. A sound uttered to show contempt, scorn, or disapproval.
  2. interj. Used to express contempt, scorn, or disapproval or to frighten or surprise another.
  3. n. Slang Marijuana

Heh. Marijuana? Now I know why they call each other boo. Yes yes… I know boo is also a gangsta slang for boyfriend/girlfriend, but honestly, don’t you think it sounds more like poo than a term of endearment?! Mannnn it gets on my nerves I tell you!
Then again, I shouldn’t really complain. After all my pet name is Woggie.

How about you? What pet names do you give your partner (or your ex-partner)? What are the funniest/wierdest/most memorable pet names you’ve heard couples call each other? Feel free to share, and of course, anonymity is allowed. 🙂

Annoying Friendster Trends

I had wanted to blog about the recent marriage of two of my closest friends. So I logged on to Friendster to surf their testimonials. Whilst surfing, I saw some pretty girl’s picture I was distracted by someone else’s profile, so I clicked profiles after testimonials and testimonials after profile and…. anyway, needless to say I didn’t end up writing a single word about Geraldine and David’s marriage. 🙂

I haven’t been checking out Friendster much since its craze a few months back. I remembered it used to be much simplier. You have a network of friends that you know. Then, you found out that both you and your friend knew someone else and things like that. Its a fantastic concept, a great conversation starter and I had fun locating my old mates from secondary school and even primary school. My oh my, how things have changed. The whole Friendster culture has evolved out of proportion. Gone are the days of honest testimonials and people in your friends list that you actually know (exchanging messages through Friendster once does not count). Today’s Friendster is overtaken by honest-to-god kiasu people and over-enthusiastic teenage girls.

Here’s the top 5 annoying Friendster trends. Feel free to point out more if you want. Oh, and one more thing – I make no apologies in naming names. 🙂

5. The ASCII Art Testimonials

You know the ones. A friendster testimonial is supposed be someone writing some ass-kissingly nice stuff about the other person. It used to be the best part about Friendster because I get to find out funny things about people I know – like how Huey Mei got so drunk once she locked herself up in her car and crying "I don’t want to die". These days its all about the ASCII arts. These are pictures made up with characters on the keyboard and come to think about it, they are actually very similar to me – ie, they take up a lot of space and they sure look damn ugly.

What puzzles me even further is why would people approve these sort of testimonials? These ASCII arts just bury the sincere and genuine testimonials your real friends gave you deeper and deeper. (What? You mean I have real friends on my Friendster?) Makes you wonder where your priorities lie.

4. The Copy-and-Paste Testimonials

Copy-and-Paste Testimonials

These are just as annoying as the ASCII art testimonials. These are “testimonials” that aren’t really testimonials, but rather some amusing piece someone found elsewhere and decided to just copy and paste it into the person’s testimonial box. Its usually funny the first time you read it. But after surfing a while later, you saw exactly the same testimonial elsewhere!

I did see worse ones. Someone copy and pasted a generic cutesy testimonial like “StAY CuTe AnD BeAuTiFuL, gur|, y0u r0x!”… but they gave it to a guy. And the guy accepted it!

I can’t believe the lack of sincerity in that. If you don’t want to write a testimonial, then don’t write. Or at least write something original lah. Its like when you’re invited to a birthday party of a friend you really hated. Instead of giving him a generic present like a box of cheap $2 chocolates you bought in a rush, just go empty handed, or give him a piece of freshly made shit wrapped in colourful paper – at least that’s original, see?

3. ThE CrOoKEd LeTTeR TyPerS

ThIs oNe is eAsY To sPoT fROm a MiLe aWaY. tHeSe PeOPle hAvE sOMe PaTIeNcE tO bE AbLe tO tYPe tHiS WaY. I sEriOUslY hAVe nO iDEa HoW oR wHY TheY DiD iT. WaS iT suPPoSed tO be cOOl? WaS It suPpOSed tO bE cUtE? My EyEs HuRT wHEn I ReAd iT. WhY cAn’T tHEy JuSt tYpE nORmaL LiKe eVErYoNe eLsE!

I’m ok with crooked letter typers, honestly – in fact, I kinda find the cuteness in it. Unfortunately, sometimes they push their boundaries a little too hard when they write a whole testimonal using crooked letters. It annoyed the hell out of me! Like this testimonial below:

Makes me really want to hit him back sometimes… with my fist.

2. The Beauty Contest Judge

These are dummy Friendster accounts, the purpose of which is to judge regular Friendster users on their looks. If you happen to be good looking enough by their standards, then you receive a… *drum rolls* stupid testimonial telling you that you are good looking. Fascinating stuff. Except the people who operates these accounts usually get bored pretty quickly and let their account wilt and die after a while.

What’s a beauty contest judge doing in Friendster. I have no idea. Why do people add beauty contest judges as friends in Friendster? I have no idea. What’s the beauty contest judge below trying to say? I have no bloody idea.

Name: oO KawaiiPpL Oo

*+*+* Attention to PpL out there *+*+*

We are here to look for ppl whom possesses Kawaii Looks!!!
If you tink you realli possess a Kawaii look,Please feel free to add us.
All Guyz & Gals are welcum…

However,we are veri STRICT in selecting ppl.
So if we dun tink you possess a kawaii look,we will immediately reject you…
If we haf rejected you,Dun add us back again. Get it?!?!
If you wan us to add you back,Plz try to improve on your looks in de pic.

* Criterias to be a [Kawaiian] in here *
( 1 ) You muz be Kawaii enough for us.
( 2 ) You muz attached 2 or more photos for us to view.
( 3 ) Singaporeans preferred though. But if you tink you r realli kawaii,you can try adding us.
( 4 ) Single would be an advantage.

Up to date rejects –> 245 ppl

Please do drop us a testimonial if you [Kawaiians] wan a testimonial from us.
As we are rather busy,we will write one back for you [Kawaiians] asap.
We will rate de testimonials accordingly.

–> Super Kawaii Peep : 10/10
–> Veri Kawaii Peep : 8 to 9/10
–> Quite Kawaii Peep : 6 to 7/10
–> Normal-Looking Peep : 5/10

Every month,we will placed de Top 2 most Kawaii ppl photos here. One Guy & One Girl would be selected by us personally. And both of them would be named ‘Most Kawaii GuY & GaL’.

Sooo…Dun wait liao.
Hurry Up and Add us now!!!!!
We will be waiting for y0u!!!!

Quickly add us at –>

*Kenny desperately tries to improve his Kawaii looks in his Friendster pic*

I have 3 words to say. Make it 4 words, I want to swear. What’s the fucking point? If I happen to become a "Super Kawaii Peep 10/10" by their definition, so what? Got food to eat ah? Besides, I don’t want to be called a Kawaiian. What a bloody stupid name.

1. The "I am so cool because I have 3000 more friends than you" kiasu girl

These are usually 15 year old teenage girls who enjoy collecting friends. Yes, COLLECTING – like they are stamps or something. They would have one Friendster account, fill it up to the maximum 500 "friends", after which they would open another account, and repeat the process until its full again.

This one girl had seven Friendster accounts. SEVEN. That means she has up to 3500 "friends"! Read that, 3500!!! What kind of 15-year-old in JB have the means necessary to have 3500 friends?! I am amazed! I’m struggling to hit 3 digits worth of friends myself dammit! Who are they trying to meet?

“p/s: pls dun send me msgs to add u.. my email is already in my profile.. if wanna add me juz add. i will accept de.. thanks lotz… oh ya.. write me testi oso.. hahahz^^.. tk cr.. byee”

What the?! What the heck is she thinking? The "I have more friends than you so my balls are bigger than yours (except I have none)" mentality! Does the people on her friends list actually know her? I doubt so. So, how the heck are they supposed to write her testimonials!? "Hmmm… I dunno Michelle, but I think she’s very cute and pretty."


Cutting Away Depression

This is going to be one helluva graphic entry and its not for the faint hearted. If you can’t stand blood, gore, and filthy images. Please bail out now.

Lately I have been hearing stories of how people (usually girls) cut themselves when they are/were going through bouts of depression. The ‘experts’ call it self-harm, self-injury, or self-abuse, which also includes all sorts of other behaviour that inflict pain and damage serious enough to cause scarring on one’s body. These are usually done to make oneself ‘feel better’.

Cuts on the forearm

I first learnt about cutting when I was really young, probably about 13 or 14 years old. I read in the newspaper how two lesbian lovers from St Teresa’s Secondary School carved each others name on their thighs with a pen knife. My reaction that time, predictably, was "Siao ah!".

I first saw the act of cutting when I watched Annabel Chong’s documentary last year. Annabel Chong, after falling victim to gang rape in London, and after being screwed by 252 men* free of charge in breaking the Guinness Book of Records, we see her as a nervous wreck. (*clarification: 251 who did it physically, plus the one director who screwed her out of the US$12,000 appearance fee, which was supposed to be for her University tuition fees.) I watched, as Annabel Chong used a knife and slitted the anterior of her forearm on camera. "I feel numb. I just wanted to feel… something." she explained.

The act of cutting has often been misunderstood. "They’re doing it just to seek attention lah!"
"They must be crazy to cut themselves."
I doubt cutting is attention-seeking, because most cutters hide their wounds by wearing love sleeve or cut themselves in places not normally seen, like on the thighs. And also, it turns out that cutting isn’t something that only happens to crazy people. Lately, I have known perfectly sane people – people that I know personally – who cuts themselves as a way to cope with stress and depression. One described it as sad, yet beautiful in a way – beautiful because its something she can control, unlike her moods.

Cuts on the leg

I don’t exactly know what triggered their depression and motivated them to cut themselves. Abuse by loved ones in the past is most likely a significant factor. One theory was that they were beaten up or abused when they were young when they did something wrong, so it would almost be like they expected to be abused when something overwhelming goes wrong in their life, although it might be things that are not within their control. They cut themselves to be in control. Of course that’s just generalising. There are teenagers who cut themselves simply because ‘everyone else is doing it, like smoking’. They did it for social acceptance.

Some people grow out of it, like a temporary phase in life that when you matured and you just stopped doing it. Unfortunately some people don’t. That’s dangerous because people who cuts themselves are usually suicidal as well. I guess it is important that people seek help when they find themselves self-harming. Talking to a trusted person or a loved one about it seem to help, and seeking professional help from a psychiatrist should definitely be considered as well. Consider taking up a religion (no, not those satanic ones) and start reciting prayers because that seemed to have helped a lot of people. Cutting yourself is a behaviour that hurts not only yourself, but the people around you as well. They are hurt too when you put that knife to your arm. You have already been through so much, and you have been hurt so much – why inflict more pain on yourself and on the people around you? I do hope you look at life in the face, grabbing life by the balls and show them who’s in control. And I wish you all the best in recovering.


The whole thing just make me cringe, yet I feel sorry for them. I wanted to help them but I do not know what to do. I tried to imagine myself back when I was 17 or 18, and the times before I met Nicole. I felt low because of a variety of reasons – I can’t find acceptance within my group of friends, I felt the pressure of keeping up with my studies, I felt tied up by the lack of freedom given by my parents. I remembered my bouts of ‘depression’ if you want to call it that way, and the thought of cutting myself never even once went through my head. Yet I pulled it through. Everytime I feel low, I go to the gym with a stomach full of rage and anger, armed with earphones filled with pumping music, and then I just take it all out on the weights, go home to bed with an body overdosed with endorphins, and wake up the next day with sore muscles all over my body. So, I guess I was abusing myself in a way – except I was injuring my muscles instead of the surface of my skin. 😉 Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – that’s true.

I’d like to hear from you. Have you ever cut yourself? If so, what was going through your mind when you do it? What triggered you to do it? If not, how did you cope with stress and depression when it hits you? Please leave comments, and remember that you may remain anonymous if you want. I would love to hear your side of the story.

I leave you with a quote, so gross yet so true, courtesy of the philosopher Kim. (That girl has been churning out quotes after quotes like Confucius.) Artwork by yours truly. Feel free to spread it around. 🙂

Life is a shit hole, you just gotta find the flush handle

I Feel Like Swallowing Myself

Recently, I offended a blogger. Judging by the depressing mood of her entries, its obvious she’s going through a hard time after a breakup. I’ve never met this blogger. In fact, I don’t even know who she is. I was just concerned that she treated herself unhealthily to get through it. So, smart Kenny left a comment on one of entries. I wrote “Its just a break up. Its not the end of the world.”
She shut down her blog the next day.
Its not the first time I offended someone I barely even knew. I have this stupid habit of saying something too honest and too frank straight out of my mouth, most of the time without thinking. Then straight after I said it, I regreted immediately. I just wanted to curl myself up into a ball, lock myself away and throw away the key.

I’m interested to know if any of you have a similar experience. Have you or someone you know said something that you immediately regret the second after it came out of your mouth? Something that makes you want to swallow yourself up. If you have, comment, or blog an entry on it. 🙂 If not, gee… thanks for making me feel bad as I am already.

When I was 15, I used to work at a local supermarket. As it was the festive season, my working hours stretch from 8:30am to 12am. By midnight, I was exhausted. I saw a middle aged man walked into the store. He wanted to buy a bag of rice, but he couldn’t make up his mind which bag of rice to purchase. So I watched him as he picked up a bag of rice, placed it on the electric scales, check the weight, put it back, picked up another bag of rice, and repeat the process. It was interesting watching him so determined to find the bag with the highest net weight. So I said to him jokingly, “Come on… there can’t be that much difference in the weight anyway.”
He calmly put that bag of rice back. Then he came up to me and he just exploded. “SO WHAT? WHAT’S WRONG WITH WHAT I’M DOING? I’M JUST MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS!” And with that, he stormed out of the store whilst I was standing there red-faced. I felt like shit for the rest of the week.
Then there’s another incident when I was 16. I was invited by Jasmine, a friend of Wendy to attend her birthday party. I have heard a lot about Wendy’s group of friends, so I was quite eager to meet them all, especially a guy called Michael who happened to be the birthday girl’s crush at the time. So there we were, 15-20 of us sitting around in a circle introducing ourselves, and I asked which one is Michael. Apart from me, there were only two other guys at the party. One was slouching on the sofa, hands in pocket and a cap over his head. The other had a shaved head, skinny physique and squatting on the floor in a gorilla-like pose. I pointed to the latter and asked “Is he Michael?”. Michael smiled, and the birthday girl said “Not bad…. you’re correct, but how did you guess?”. Without thinking I replied jokingly, “Well that was easy. Michael sounded like ‘Monkey’, and he looked like a monkey so I guessed it must be him.”
There was silence for 5 seconds, but it felt like a week to me. I immediately knew I said something wrong and I just wanted to swallow myself up and vanish from the face of the Earth. Obviously Michael wasn’t happy, the birthday girl wasn’t happy, and I felt like an outcast for the rest of the evening. We met a week later for dimsum and Michael still wasn’t talking to me. I felt like crap.
Since then I tried to watch my speech. Sometimes I just can’t help myself. I wanted to joke around sometimes, but people take me a bit too seriously and I ended up offending people I barely knew.
So if anyone of you are reading this, especially Michelle, please accept my apologies. My brain went on vacation sometimes and my mouth started to act on its own. I am sorry.

Think Happy Thoughts

Just from blog-surfing I have noticed quite a lot of sad posts lately. All these depression and death and howdifficultlifeis… *cough* Tiffy *cough* Naomi *cough* Kim *cough* Chrissie *cough* Irene *cough**cough**cough*. Sorry I had a major cold. 😉
I can understand how everyone feels. All these personal issues are further compounded by the events of the past year. Let’s face it, 2004 in general was pretty crap. 2004 shall be remembered for the continuing war in Iraq, Bush and Howard’s re-elections, South Asian Tsunami. For myself, I learnt in 2004 that my father has contracted cancer.
Why don’t we think of one happy event, and blog about it. Just do it once for a change, ok?
I shall start by writing about one of my joys of living.
Jayden and Kenny
Meet my son Jayden. He’s 18 months old now. It all happened one passionate night two years ago…
Ok so I lied, he’s not my son. He’s my nephew. But look at him, isn’t he just the cutest little boy ever?
Like me, Jayden is also in the process of “re-discovering himself”. I’m pretty sure he’s still not quite there yet.
Jayden Monkey
Sometimes Jayden thinks he’s a monkey.
Jayden Dog
Sometimes he thinks he’s a dog.
Jayden Reindeer
When Christmas is near, he thinks he’s a reindeer.
Jayden Pig
But most of the time, he sleeps like a pig. Ahhh… the days free of worries. Sometimes I wish I were Jayden.
Jayden and Kirsten
Jayden has a little sister. Her name is Kirsten and she’s born on Christmas Day, which means she’s only two weeks old. Kirsten cries all the time, and Jayden is mystified by this new addition to the family. Sometimes he pokes her head with his finger when she cries.
I’m not quite sure how Kirsten will turn out when she grows older. But if the following picture (taken on the day she’s born) is any indication, I’ll be very very worried.