Category: Favourite Entries

April Fool’s: Making Fun of Myself

I’m never good scheming an April Fool’s prank.
When I was young, everyone hated me on the 1st of April. Whenever my group of friends decided to pull a prank on some poor kid, I was always the first to get all red-faced and laugh out loud. The (supposed) victim would get suspicious and my mates would get all upset because I single-handedly ruined their evil plan.
Eventually I decided that I’m hopeless at poking fun at other people, and so I resigned to my fate as the target of all pranks. I’m not sure what the other bloggers have up their sleeves come this April Fool’s. Someone slap me if its not somewhere along the lines of my-blog-is-shutting-down, I-lost-my-job-cos-of-my-blog, or another one of those terrifying watch-this-carefully-and-you’ll-see-a-ghost.
But you know what? This year, I smartened up. I REFUSE to be made fun of by others. This year, I decided that only I am worthy of making fun of MYSELF.
Maybe its the excess bandwidth usage last month. Maybe its too many episodes of the Numa Numa Dance. But somehow I have an inexplicable urge to embarrass myself on the Internet, and perhaps scare away a few of’s readers in the process to save some bandwidth costs.
There are many well-known bloggers in the ‘blogosphere’ out there. They said that if you can’t beat them… then for fuck’s sake, beat them harder! With a baseball bat, perhaps.
So. Partially inspired by minishorts and the project, I decided that I’m gonna sacrifice my virginity dignity, put myself in their shoes, and see what its like if its ME and not THEM that’s famous.
Anyway, consider this my April Fool’s dedication.


Who better to start the ball rolling, than a fellow Sarawakian and controversial blogger, Poh Huai Bin of
Poh Huai Bin
Offensive yet intelligent. Controversial yet witty. If there ever were a blog version of the Ewan McGregor movie Trainspotting, would be it.
If there ever were going to be a blog version of “Dumb and Dumber”, would be it.
Me as Huai Bin
Note: the dilation of my pupils is not real, its photoshopped. The dilation of Huai Bin’s pupils however……. is also photoshopped.


Next on my list is the author of Screenshots, Jeff Ooi, Malaysia’s Most Influential Blogger. I don’t know why people call him that, but Jeff Ooi is definitely one of Malaysia’s best known blogger. Browse through any Malaysian blog and I guarantee you at least half of them will be linked to Jeff Ooi.
Jeff Ooi

I’m probably not that influential yet…
Me as Jeff Ooi
… but at least I’m trying.


I had thought about doing an imitation of Malaysia’s favourite erotic blogger, author of The Hustler Diaries, Mr Sleek Black Mercedes. However, the Hustler himself decided to keep his identity anonymous. Browsing through his site, I was unable to find anything resembling a photo of him except for an award he won which he proudly displayed on the sidebar of his blog.
Hustler Diaries

Impressive. That’s one thing I can forget about winning. I’ll probably be winning this instead.
Me as Hustler Diaries


I was going to stop here because I can’t think of anyone else worth spoofing. Then I thought, why stop at the guys?
Introducing Kimberlycun, owner of Malaysia’s smoothest pair of legs, and coincidentally the author of that fantastic blog with a fantastic title, “Narcissism Is Necessary”.
Kim Cun

Introducing… my legs.
Me as Kim Cun


I was going to stop here.
But once again, I thought “Why stop at Malaysia? Why not look at say, Singapore?”
Whilst Malaysia’s best known blogger is an uncle called Jeff Ooi, Singapore’s best known blogger is a babe called Xia Xue. Xia Xue is Wendy Cheng, someone who left thousands of ‘blogders’ a day wondering “Why are we worshipping the ground she blogs on?”
Xia Xue
The looks, the brains, the body. Man, I wish I can be like her sometimes. But alas, I think I’m just gonna “Xia Xuey” myself.
Xia Xuey


I hope I’m not gonna regret this when I look back 5 years later. Sorry I wasted your time with this half-arsed foolish entry.
The obligatory flame extinguisher: My apologies to the people above whom I’ve made a parody of. You have the right to be deeply offended because I’m not as pretty as you are. But hey, its the 1st of April! So please, chill… chill….
Added 3rd April 2005: I noticed there’s a lot of non-regular readers dropping by this page. I’d sincerely appreciate it if you leave me just a short comment, telling me who you are and all that stuff. You know, as a small token for my effort putting up this entry. Thanks in advance! 🙂
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Long Distance Love Triangle

Last evening as I was talking to a friend, I was told of a friend’s father’s mother’s son’s wife’s daughter (heh) who apparently is caught in a love triangle.
Its a classic scenario. A recipe for disaster.
Girl has boyfriend back home. Girl goes overseas for studies. Girl meets new boy overseas. New boy goes after girl. Girl hooks up with new boy. Old boy oblivious to the whole thing.
(Btw, ppl who knows me or them in real life… much appreciated if you don’t luan luan guess who I’m talking about. ;))
Sydney Cityscape in sunset

Girl goes to big city to further her education, and gets more than she bargained for.

I was shocked by the whole thing. I knew that the new boy has been going after her for a few months now, in full knowledge that she has a boyfriend back home. It was a few months ago when her boyfriend was visiting her that I saw them hugging intimately in front of the new boy. And now, the new boy is with the girl.
I asked Nicole.

“Can meh?”
“Can… the boyfriend not here. And he doesn’t know bah! Why not?”

Gee. Thanks for making me feel better, my long-distance girlfriend!
Can this really be done? Can a girl have another boyfriend overseas, when she has a boyfriend back home? Can she be allowed to subscribe to third party insurance, before the current insurance policy expire? Can she allow multiplayer for a game that’s meant to be for single players only? Can she install a back up hard disk, in case the current hard disk becomes corrupted?
Sorry for the cheesy analogies. 🙂
Is love a multiplayer game?

Is love a multiplayer game?

It reminded me the wise words of my friend Alston back in 2001 when Nicole and I were having our first bout of long-distance relationship. The wise one said “You are qualified to have another girlfriend if your current girlfriend is more than 500km away from you.”
Of course, this is coming from the same person who once said “A girlfriend’s expiry date is exactly one year from the first day of usage.” Well, Alston has been dating his gf for more than a year now. So I take what he said with a grain of salt.
My friend Alston

Alston and his theories on long distance relationships.

I am worried. With Nicole in Perth and me in Kuching, she is in a perfect position to “find another one” if she wanted to. After all, she’s this smart, beautiful girl its only a matter of time before someone decides to hit on her and make her totally disregard my existence.
But she’s my girlfriend of four years. I should trust her. I know I should trust her. We had 1.5 years of long distance before and we survived dammit!
Then again, if she wanted to, she can do it and I wouldn’t even know about it. It makes me really vulnerable. I probably knew why the girl did it. The new boy is a fun and caring person, a great alternative to her boyfriend. She needs someone to fill in the void left by the current boyfriend when he’s not physically by her side.
Maybe I should be involved in a scandal myself

Maybe I should be involved in a scandal myself.

Yet, she’s not willing to part with her current boyfriend because he’s someone she sees herself having a future with. The new boy is just a temporary one to fill in for the job, but she wouldn’t discount possibly having a future with him if he can prove himself right.
I could never approve of what the girl does, nor what the new boy did. I symphathize her current boyfriend for not knowing anything. And even if he knew, there’s nothing he can do about it.
I know many people would disagree with me, telling me that my thinking is old-fashioned and stuff.

“They are all young 20-something people, why restrict themselves to one person? All is fair in love and war, whattttt.”
“If she doesn’t mind, he doesn’t mind and the boyfriend doesn’t know… Why you so busybody?”
“Sometimes people know what they are doing is wrong, but they do it anyway… That’s called LOVE!”

They say it as a bright golden halo appears over their heads and a single tear rolls down their cheeks.
I say BULLSHIT lah! Now you get two for the price of one, and you find it so fun. Next time people do it back to you, then how? Are you gonna kau peh kau boo over it? At least you should break up with your current boyfriend if you were to pursue this new relationship bah, right? What if your boyfriend find out? Then how? And how long can this go on? Forever? I don’t think so! In the end you have to choose and when that happens… at best you have one broken heart, at worst you have three broken hearts!
Maybe eventually they can settle it WWE style in a 10-foot-high steel cage ladder match.

Maybe eventually they can settle it WWE style in a 10-foot-high steel cage ladder match.

Then again, that’s just what I think. Judging by the number of people going overseas for studies, I’m sure many people would have experienced long-distance relationship at some point. So I’m interested to know what you think.
Is my notion of love and relationship too traditional to be applied in the 21st century? Are we allowed to have a temporary partner if our current partner is overseas, provided everyone keeps hush about it?

Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom Review

I first encountered Ansell’s range of vibrating condoms whilst browsing through Bek’s photo blog. Curious, I went straight to the nearest pharmacy I could find to purchase this elusive vibrating condom to see what its all about.
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Front
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom comes in a nicely designed red package – a nice departure from the ubiquitous “man and woman holding hands” type packaging that Durex seems to favour. For our convenience, the battery is included for the vibrating ring.
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Back
I can’t believe I paid AUD$12.95 (RM35) for this thing! This is just one condom and some buzzing cock ring we’re talking about! Mannn… the money I’m sacrificing for this site.
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Top
The top of the box tells you once again that battery is included, so that you don’t have to rush off to 7-Eleven to purchase some batteries in the middle of your coital session. The condom is regular size, which is no good to me since mine is extra large.
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Content
Here’s the content of the box: an Ansell catalogue, a vibe4u instruction booklet, a regular condom, and the vibrating ring. I kinda like the wrapping of the vibrating ring. It reminded me of the crappy toys that came with the Ding Dang chocolates.
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Catalogue
The Ansell catalogue is damn cool. It shows you the range of different condom shapes available, so you choose the one that fits you better. Kinda like Levi’s jeans. I’m still waiting for a Boot Cut Condom to come along.
The vibe4u instruction booklet sheds some light on the use of this product. Apparently, the battery on the vibrating ring lasts for fifteen minutes only and is not replacable. It also asks you to take some precautions when using the vibrating ring, such as:
– Do not use under the influence of alcohol or drugs (What? C’mon! I’m just using a vibrating ring, not a freakin’ CAR!)
– Do not swallow (And why exactly would I swallow it?)
– Keep away from children (sorry Michael Jackson, this one is not for you.)
Ansell vibe4u Vibrating Condom - Instructions
Oh look! Pornography on! Teehee. Here, Ansell shows you how to put on a condom. Frankly speaking though, I think the illustration sucks (no pun intended). Don’t you think the penis look like some sort of carrot wearing a baseball cap?
Blueberry Vodka Cruiser
Anyway, its time for me to experiment with this vibrating condom thing. I wanted to try it on myself, but my genitals went on strike at the thought of appearing on the internet. So once again I had to find a sacrifice. Meet my blueberry flavoured Vodka Cruiser.
Vibrating Ring
Here’s a picture of the vibrating ring up close. The AUD$1 coin (similar in size to the RM1 coin) is there for comparison. The ring itself is made of some gel-like silicone. There’s a little switch on the side there. You push it in and the gentle vibrations will start.
Ansell Condom
The Ansell condom itself is made in India. I have to say, it comes very very very lubricated. There’s a slight, but not overwhelming, latex smell.
Ansell Condom Over Bottle
Okay, so I was wrong about it being just a regular-sized condom. Look at THAT, it fits the whole 7/8th of the ENTIRE BOTTLE of Vodka Cruiser!!! So much for a regular size. I reckon these condoms must have been made for elephants down in India!
Ansell Condom with Vibrating Ring
This is what it looks like when you put the vibrating ring on. Looks odd. How often do you see a bottle of alcohol with a vibrating ring around its neck? I switched on the vibrating ring, and felt a gentle buzz permeating to the palm of my hand. Pleasurable.
So what do I think about this whole vibrating condom thing? Well its a novel idea, certainly worth trying out on something else other than a bottle of alcohol. But I reckon the AUD$12.95 price tag is a little bit steep. If a normal condom cost AUD$1, you’re paying an extra AUD$12 just for some stupid vibrating ring that can last for only 15 minutes. I don’t know, but 15 minutes seems a little bit short. *grins*
My suggestion:
1. Get a normal condom
2. Get some rubber band
3. Using rubber band, tie your mobile phone to the condom
4. Call your own phone. And don’t bloody answer your phone while its still attached to your dick dammit!

Ansell Condom with Phone
It works the same way, I swear!

Annoying Friendster Trends

I had wanted to blog about the recent marriage of two of my closest friends. So I logged on to Friendster to surf their testimonials. Whilst surfing, I saw some pretty girl’s picture I was distracted by someone else’s profile, so I clicked profiles after testimonials and testimonials after profile and…. anyway, needless to say I didn’t end up writing a single word about Geraldine and David’s marriage. 🙂

I haven’t been checking out Friendster much since its craze a few months back. I remembered it used to be much simplier. You have a network of friends that you know. Then, you found out that both you and your friend knew someone else and things like that. Its a fantastic concept, a great conversation starter and I had fun locating my old mates from secondary school and even primary school. My oh my, how things have changed. The whole Friendster culture has evolved out of proportion. Gone are the days of honest testimonials and people in your friends list that you actually know (exchanging messages through Friendster once does not count). Today’s Friendster is overtaken by honest-to-god kiasu people and over-enthusiastic teenage girls.

Here’s the top 5 annoying Friendster trends. Feel free to point out more if you want. Oh, and one more thing – I make no apologies in naming names. 🙂

5. The ASCII Art Testimonials

You know the ones. A friendster testimonial is supposed be someone writing some ass-kissingly nice stuff about the other person. It used to be the best part about Friendster because I get to find out funny things about people I know – like how Huey Mei got so drunk once she locked herself up in her car and crying "I don’t want to die". These days its all about the ASCII arts. These are pictures made up with characters on the keyboard and come to think about it, they are actually very similar to me – ie, they take up a lot of space and they sure look damn ugly.

What puzzles me even further is why would people approve these sort of testimonials? These ASCII arts just bury the sincere and genuine testimonials your real friends gave you deeper and deeper. (What? You mean I have real friends on my Friendster?) Makes you wonder where your priorities lie.

4. The Copy-and-Paste Testimonials

Copy-and-Paste Testimonials

These are just as annoying as the ASCII art testimonials. These are “testimonials” that aren’t really testimonials, but rather some amusing piece someone found elsewhere and decided to just copy and paste it into the person’s testimonial box. Its usually funny the first time you read it. But after surfing a while later, you saw exactly the same testimonial elsewhere!

I did see worse ones. Someone copy and pasted a generic cutesy testimonial like “StAY CuTe AnD BeAuTiFuL, gur|, y0u r0x!”… but they gave it to a guy. And the guy accepted it!

I can’t believe the lack of sincerity in that. If you don’t want to write a testimonial, then don’t write. Or at least write something original lah. Its like when you’re invited to a birthday party of a friend you really hated. Instead of giving him a generic present like a box of cheap $2 chocolates you bought in a rush, just go empty handed, or give him a piece of freshly made shit wrapped in colourful paper – at least that’s original, see?

3. ThE CrOoKEd LeTTeR TyPerS

ThIs oNe is eAsY To sPoT fROm a MiLe aWaY. tHeSe PeOPle hAvE sOMe PaTIeNcE tO bE AbLe tO tYPe tHiS WaY. I sEriOUslY hAVe nO iDEa HoW oR wHY TheY DiD iT. WaS iT suPPoSed tO be cOOl? WaS It suPpOSed tO bE cUtE? My EyEs HuRT wHEn I ReAd iT. WhY cAn’T tHEy JuSt tYpE nORmaL LiKe eVErYoNe eLsE!

I’m ok with crooked letter typers, honestly – in fact, I kinda find the cuteness in it. Unfortunately, sometimes they push their boundaries a little too hard when they write a whole testimonal using crooked letters. It annoyed the hell out of me! Like this testimonial below:

Makes me really want to hit him back sometimes… with my fist.

2. The Beauty Contest Judge

These are dummy Friendster accounts, the purpose of which is to judge regular Friendster users on their looks. If you happen to be good looking enough by their standards, then you receive a… *drum rolls* stupid testimonial telling you that you are good looking. Fascinating stuff. Except the people who operates these accounts usually get bored pretty quickly and let their account wilt and die after a while.

What’s a beauty contest judge doing in Friendster. I have no idea. Why do people add beauty contest judges as friends in Friendster? I have no idea. What’s the beauty contest judge below trying to say? I have no bloody idea.

Name: oO KawaiiPpL Oo

*+*+* Attention to PpL out there *+*+*

We are here to look for ppl whom possesses Kawaii Looks!!!
If you tink you realli possess a Kawaii look,Please feel free to add us.
All Guyz & Gals are welcum…

However,we are veri STRICT in selecting ppl.
So if we dun tink you possess a kawaii look,we will immediately reject you…
If we haf rejected you,Dun add us back again. Get it?!?!
If you wan us to add you back,Plz try to improve on your looks in de pic.

* Criterias to be a [Kawaiian] in here *
( 1 ) You muz be Kawaii enough for us.
( 2 ) You muz attached 2 or more photos for us to view.
( 3 ) Singaporeans preferred though. But if you tink you r realli kawaii,you can try adding us.
( 4 ) Single would be an advantage.

Up to date rejects –> 245 ppl

Please do drop us a testimonial if you [Kawaiians] wan a testimonial from us.
As we are rather busy,we will write one back for you [Kawaiians] asap.
We will rate de testimonials accordingly.

–> Super Kawaii Peep : 10/10
–> Veri Kawaii Peep : 8 to 9/10
–> Quite Kawaii Peep : 6 to 7/10
–> Normal-Looking Peep : 5/10

Every month,we will placed de Top 2 most Kawaii ppl photos here. One Guy & One Girl would be selected by us personally. And both of them would be named ‘Most Kawaii GuY & GaL’.

Sooo…Dun wait liao.
Hurry Up and Add us now!!!!!
We will be waiting for y0u!!!!

Quickly add us at –>

*Kenny desperately tries to improve his Kawaii looks in his Friendster pic*

I have 3 words to say. Make it 4 words, I want to swear. What’s the fucking point? If I happen to become a "Super Kawaii Peep 10/10" by their definition, so what? Got food to eat ah? Besides, I don’t want to be called a Kawaiian. What a bloody stupid name.

1. The "I am so cool because I have 3000 more friends than you" kiasu girl

These are usually 15 year old teenage girls who enjoy collecting friends. Yes, COLLECTING – like they are stamps or something. They would have one Friendster account, fill it up to the maximum 500 "friends", after which they would open another account, and repeat the process until its full again.

This one girl had seven Friendster accounts. SEVEN. That means she has up to 3500 "friends"! Read that, 3500!!! What kind of 15-year-old in JB have the means necessary to have 3500 friends?! I am amazed! I’m struggling to hit 3 digits worth of friends myself dammit! Who are they trying to meet?

“p/s: pls dun send me msgs to add u.. my email is already in my profile.. if wanna add me juz add. i will accept de.. thanks lotz… oh ya.. write me testi oso.. hahahz^^.. tk cr.. byee”

What the?! What the heck is she thinking? The "I have more friends than you so my balls are bigger than yours (except I have none)" mentality! Does the people on her friends list actually know her? I doubt so. So, how the heck are they supposed to write her testimonials!? "Hmmm… I dunno Michelle, but I think she’s very cute and pretty."


Cutting Away Depression

This is going to be one helluva graphic entry and its not for the faint hearted. If you can’t stand blood, gore, and filthy images. Please bail out now.

Lately I have been hearing stories of how people (usually girls) cut themselves when they are/were going through bouts of depression. The ‘experts’ call it self-harm, self-injury, or self-abuse, which also includes all sorts of other behaviour that inflict pain and damage serious enough to cause scarring on one’s body. These are usually done to make oneself ‘feel better’.

Cuts on the forearm

I first learnt about cutting when I was really young, probably about 13 or 14 years old. I read in the newspaper how two lesbian lovers from St Teresa’s Secondary School carved each others name on their thighs with a pen knife. My reaction that time, predictably, was "Siao ah!".

I first saw the act of cutting when I watched Annabel Chong’s documentary last year. Annabel Chong, after falling victim to gang rape in London, and after being screwed by 252 men* free of charge in breaking the Guinness Book of Records, we see her as a nervous wreck. (*clarification: 251 who did it physically, plus the one director who screwed her out of the US$12,000 appearance fee, which was supposed to be for her University tuition fees.) I watched, as Annabel Chong used a knife and slitted the anterior of her forearm on camera. "I feel numb. I just wanted to feel… something." she explained.

The act of cutting has often been misunderstood. "They’re doing it just to seek attention lah!"
"They must be crazy to cut themselves."
I doubt cutting is attention-seeking, because most cutters hide their wounds by wearing love sleeve or cut themselves in places not normally seen, like on the thighs. And also, it turns out that cutting isn’t something that only happens to crazy people. Lately, I have known perfectly sane people – people that I know personally – who cuts themselves as a way to cope with stress and depression. One described it as sad, yet beautiful in a way – beautiful because its something she can control, unlike her moods.

Cuts on the leg

I don’t exactly know what triggered their depression and motivated them to cut themselves. Abuse by loved ones in the past is most likely a significant factor. One theory was that they were beaten up or abused when they were young when they did something wrong, so it would almost be like they expected to be abused when something overwhelming goes wrong in their life, although it might be things that are not within their control. They cut themselves to be in control. Of course that’s just generalising. There are teenagers who cut themselves simply because ‘everyone else is doing it, like smoking’. They did it for social acceptance.

Some people grow out of it, like a temporary phase in life that when you matured and you just stopped doing it. Unfortunately some people don’t. That’s dangerous because people who cuts themselves are usually suicidal as well. I guess it is important that people seek help when they find themselves self-harming. Talking to a trusted person or a loved one about it seem to help, and seeking professional help from a psychiatrist should definitely be considered as well. Consider taking up a religion (no, not those satanic ones) and start reciting prayers because that seemed to have helped a lot of people. Cutting yourself is a behaviour that hurts not only yourself, but the people around you as well. They are hurt too when you put that knife to your arm. You have already been through so much, and you have been hurt so much – why inflict more pain on yourself and on the people around you? I do hope you look at life in the face, grabbing life by the balls and show them who’s in control. And I wish you all the best in recovering.


The whole thing just make me cringe, yet I feel sorry for them. I wanted to help them but I do not know what to do. I tried to imagine myself back when I was 17 or 18, and the times before I met Nicole. I felt low because of a variety of reasons – I can’t find acceptance within my group of friends, I felt the pressure of keeping up with my studies, I felt tied up by the lack of freedom given by my parents. I remembered my bouts of ‘depression’ if you want to call it that way, and the thought of cutting myself never even once went through my head. Yet I pulled it through. Everytime I feel low, I go to the gym with a stomach full of rage and anger, armed with earphones filled with pumping music, and then I just take it all out on the weights, go home to bed with an body overdosed with endorphins, and wake up the next day with sore muscles all over my body. So, I guess I was abusing myself in a way – except I was injuring my muscles instead of the surface of my skin. 😉 Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – that’s true.

I’d like to hear from you. Have you ever cut yourself? If so, what was going through your mind when you do it? What triggered you to do it? If not, how did you cope with stress and depression when it hits you? Please leave comments, and remember that you may remain anonymous if you want. I would love to hear your side of the story.

I leave you with a quote, so gross yet so true, courtesy of the philosopher Kim. (That girl has been churning out quotes after quotes like Confucius.) Artwork by yours truly. Feel free to spread it around. 🙂

Life is a shit hole, you just gotta find the flush handle

Think Happy Thoughts

Just from blog-surfing I have noticed quite a lot of sad posts lately. All these depression and death and howdifficultlifeis… *cough* Tiffy *cough* Naomi *cough* Kim *cough* Chrissie *cough* Irene *cough**cough**cough*. Sorry I had a major cold. 😉
I can understand how everyone feels. All these personal issues are further compounded by the events of the past year. Let’s face it, 2004 in general was pretty crap. 2004 shall be remembered for the continuing war in Iraq, Bush and Howard’s re-elections, South Asian Tsunami. For myself, I learnt in 2004 that my father has contracted cancer.
Why don’t we think of one happy event, and blog about it. Just do it once for a change, ok?
I shall start by writing about one of my joys of living.
Jayden and Kenny
Meet my son Jayden. He’s 18 months old now. It all happened one passionate night two years ago…
Ok so I lied, he’s not my son. He’s my nephew. But look at him, isn’t he just the cutest little boy ever?
Like me, Jayden is also in the process of “re-discovering himself”. I’m pretty sure he’s still not quite there yet.
Jayden Monkey
Sometimes Jayden thinks he’s a monkey.
Jayden Dog
Sometimes he thinks he’s a dog.
Jayden Reindeer
When Christmas is near, he thinks he’s a reindeer.
Jayden Pig
But most of the time, he sleeps like a pig. Ahhh… the days free of worries. Sometimes I wish I were Jayden.
Jayden and Kirsten
Jayden has a little sister. Her name is Kirsten and she’s born on Christmas Day, which means she’s only two weeks old. Kirsten cries all the time, and Jayden is mystified by this new addition to the family. Sometimes he pokes her head with his finger when she cries.
I’m not quite sure how Kirsten will turn out when she grows older. But if the following picture (taken on the day she’s born) is any indication, I’ll be very very worried.

United Colors of Benetton Condoms

I was walking around Watson’s in Sarawak Plaza today, and guess what I found?
UCB Condom on rack
That can’t be… United Colors of Benetton CONDOMS ?! For the uninitiated, United Colors of Benetton (or UCB) is a clothing company group based in Italy. The brand is famous for its young adult clothes and bags. For them to produce condoms?! That’s really kinda odd.
UCB Condom box
Curious, I plonked RM9.90 and purchased a box of UCB condoms right away. The box comes with 6 condoms, which works out to be RM1.65 per fuck. What a bargain!
Green wrapping
The UCB condoms come with a green wrapping with overprints of the United Colors of Benetton logo. Because of its designer brand name, I’m pretty sure it would make any girl all horny and say something like “Put that on you and put it in me… RIGHT NOW!”
Expiry date
On the reverse of the wrapper, it says “Manufactured by Okamoto Industries. Made in Japan. Exp 2008/03”. Japanese condoms! So, it must be good, right?
All the condoms are lightly lubricated and all comes in green. I’m not sure why, but I’m pretty sure its not meant to make your male member look like some sort of vegetable.
Condom teat
This is how much the reservoir teat of the condom can hold. Honestly speaking that’s not very much.

Broken condom
I pulled a bit too hard when I was removing the condom, which resulted in condom breakage – an undesirable effect. So much for Japanese condoms huh? At least we know what that says about Japanese penises.
Unwilling to accept defeat, I pulled out the Galliano bottle.
Galliano with condom
And this is the Galliano bottle, now fully protected against all STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
So, should you try it? My advice is this: If you have a small and thin penis like the Galliano bottle, you could perhaps impress your female partner by using this designer branded condoms. (Meanwhile, you might want to pray that Louis Vuitton does not release some RM500 LV monogram-printed condom or something like that.)
But if you’re big like ermm… like me, don’t use UCB branded condoms and just stick with Durex or Ansell ok? 🙂