Sex, Sleaze and Massage in Phuket

So I asked the tuk-tuk driver, “Take me to the biggest and most popular massage place in Phuket.” and he said “You want massage? I bring you go ‘Christian Massage’.”

Christian Massage? What kinda massage centre has a name called “Christian Massage”? Must be some kinda sick religious freaks they have in Thailand. I’m imagining them reciting passages from The Bible while massaging my feet. “Cast ye away every man muscle aches, back pain and sore feet. Improve ye blood circulation!”
I was still puzzled over that ridiculous name for a massage centre when I arrived at this humungous pink-purple building.

Ohhhh…. Christin Massage. My mistake.
So I happily entered the building, hopped up the staircase and then OMG!
What I saw was ROWS AND ROWS of scantily-clad heavily-made-up ladies sitting behind a huge glass window smiling and waving at me. KNNCCB. This is not a massage centre! I just walked into a friggin’ BROTHEL!!!
WTF? Before the pimp can even talk to me I was already out the building cursing that damned tuk-tuk driver under my breath.
Only after some asking, searching and digging around that I finally settled for this place instead.

Let’s Relax? Of course. And I never regretted coming here. This place is a complete contrast to that whore house that is Christin. Everything here exudes the first-class charm and all the hallmarks of a private sanctuary. I love it so much I ended up coming here twice in 3 days.

I walked in there and the receptionist politely greeted me Sawadeekarp. I gave her my credit card she said Sawadeekarp. I got my card back she said Sawadeekarp. Sometimes I dunno if she said Sawadeekarp or I wanna swipe your credit card.

The Thai massage [500baht/RM50] I had was absolutely out of this world. My masseuse knows all the right spots to hit. It was very relaxing. I had my limbs bent in the opposite direction God intended them to be. But it was well worth it.
Instantly I felt human again.

Of course, no trip in Thailand is complete without witnessing the sleazy nightlife that the tom-yum kingdom is famous for. After watched some Muay Thai action [700baht/RM70], it’s time to explore the a-go-go bars.

Best. Toilet sign. Ever.

It’s a disappointment ok. There’s nothing there but vaguely sexy girls dancing with vaguely erotic moves. Sorry but I wasn’t turned on at all.
Heh, if I wanna see girls in skimpy outfits dancing like a slut I can just go for ‘Ghetto Heaven’ nights in Zouk KL. They’re much better anyway.

Sometimes even the tourists themselves hop onto the bartop to dance with the go-go girls.

There are easily more working girls than guys at night in Phuket. Walking around the red light district of Phuket, I don’t know whether to feel happy or sad.

Happy because there are so many girls in itsy-bitsy-tiny clothings walking around. Sad because of the desperation and lengths these girls go through to try to secure a client.

This statue pretty much sums up what the sex tourists in Phuket are like.

I can’t even walk from one end of the street to the other without having at least 3-4 freelance hookers all wanting to spend the night with me.

For the record, I wasn’t up to any naughties while I was in Phuket. It’s a bad idea to do that because:
(1) You don’t want to bring back a disease as a souvenir.
(2) You wouldn’t know whether the person you sleep with is a girl with a butt-ugly face, or a guy with really good make-up.
(3) Paying for sex is just… so wrong.

Regardless, sights like these around the red light district is pretty common.

It’s Phuket Bike Week and there were huge groups of bikie gang members from Malaysia, Singapore and around the world congregating in this little island showing off their boy toys. At times, you’ll see a sumo-sized American riding a Harley Davidson down the road, and a tiny Thai girl 1/5 his size sitting on the back.

The Singaporean War Pigs is what they called themselves.

As I walked into Tiger Entertainment, a very tall and manly transvestite grabbed me by the testicles to attract my attention. Hello? Whatever happened to tapping on my shoulders?
“Hiiii, I lab youuuu!” the tranny said as (s)he gave my balls a nice big rub. I have no idea why she said that. But I’m pretty sure she doesn’t read and she’s not one of my fan girls.

Don’t be tempted. These are MEN.

For lack of a better description, Tiger Entertainment is one sleazy dirty fucked up place.

I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s like a food court. Instead of individual stalls, they have bars. And each bar has their own army of girls who will go out of their way to make you pay for their overpriced drinks.

Found myself a bar where the girls were dressed up as schoolgirls and bought myself a beer [90baht/RM9].

It didn’t take long for one of them to sit next to me and asked me to buy her a drink. 150 baht for a vodka orange. Out of courtesy I said ok lah.
She thanked me and before I knew it, the girl was sitting on my lap and licking on my ear. I was so excited, my Big Bird got bird flu.

Blog Plug Of The Day: Colin and Kero. Brokeback Bloggers – definitely not for the conservatives. Personally I find it an entertaining and interesting read.

97 Replies to “Sex, Sleaze and Massage in Phuket”

  1. I think you’ve got the time wrong.. how can be entry be done at 11.45pm when its only like 11.07 now..

  2. THAILAND shall be next my next holiday destination!! hehehehehe.. juz curious bout da gals n transvestites.

  3. Let’s relax is a fantastic and look high class place for massage (most importantly decent)… I even tip the masseuse when I was there. The service is just so good. Highly recommended.
    Phuket is a nice place…but I wont be back there again…cause I lost a good friend to Tsunami. It is now a sad place for me.

  4. Another fab place to go to for the red light district is Amsterdam which I have just been last Easter weekend with my sister! A place u wouldnt go with your sister right,Kirstie? Hello sista.. i miss u already even before u leave.
    Sorry Kenny I used your blog to say hi to my sister because after reading your adventure in Phuket, it reminded me of my trip. However there are more asians than ang mohs in amsterdam queueing up at the live sex show. Apparently it’s for “Education, Inspiration!” as I heard the pimps were screaming. 🙂

  5. haha, who knows if u hav go for e full service. Trying to talk holy here rite. man are always man…..

  6. Heya!!! Bird flu? OMG!!! Izzit H5N1 stain? Ha ha…joking…hey pal…”You don’t want to bring back a disease as a souvenir.”…so beware ar…beside, u r not even sure if ‘she’is ‘she’ or ‘he’…HA ha. Enjoy ur hols and keep updating. I like ur blog.

  7. I walked in there and the receptionist politely greeted me Sawadeekarp. I gave her my credit card she said Sawadeekarp. I got my card back she said Sawadeekarp. Sometimes I dunno if she said Sawadeekarp or I wanna swipe your credit card.
    I believe the receptionist might have said ‘Sawadeekah‘, instead of ‘Sawadeekarp‘. Cos girls say ‘kah’ and boys, ‘karp’. It’s polite and gentle to pepper your sentences with ‘kah, kah, kah’ (for girls). It’s like a ‘hai’ in Jap, thus can be used interchangeably with ‘yes’.

  8. I’ve been to the Chiangmai branch of the Massage Centre. Very good also!
    Anyway I think Sex tourism is so, so wrong as well as being a transvestite… Sigh… their way of life.

  9. those girls with school attire beware of them. Half of the girls were actually buys. I’ve been there last year. Got to know that when one of the girls told me.

  10. you’d make a wicked holiday buddy because you know how to enjoy yourself and say no to the dirty pro’s…..i’m glad that there’s people like you out there that understands the health risks of having sex with prostitues, unlike sadly for some guys who go screw and contract AIDS and other STI’s. Paying for sex is alread wrong, but what they’re actually gettign for their money’s worth is death.

  11. i’ve never been interested to go to thailand for a holiday but now after seeing ya post, i m realli curious to go there just to see it for myself…but i wldn’t dare go alone..better bring a guy fren or sth! dun think it’d be safe for a gal to wander in thailand by herself.

  12. if that is your first time they will give u ang pow dont tell me u dont do it. which cat dont like fish????????

  13. i did a paper on the sex industry in patong once… but damn! they don’t show/tell shit like these man.. i would have gotten an A instead of some fucked up C.. -_-‘ but its such a fucking good place for an anthropological fieldwork!!
    i wanna go see one day..! kenny wanna go again??? hahaha.

  14. Christin Massage = Brothel?
    Maybe you should go in and and take a short tour and come back telling us what does it looks like?
    Let’s relax. Wow! Such a heaven when I glance at the photoes you have taken.
    The rest of them, too sleazy. I thought you might have taken them because of the beautiful girls/trannies inside. Or because of the beautiful foreigners.
    You are bold enough to get your bird grabbed by a stranger. -_-

  15. –>”Sometimes I dunno if she said Sawadeekarp or I wanna swipe your credit card”.
    That’s funny!

  16. If the girl at ‘Just Relax’ said ‘SawadeeKARP’ instead of ‘SawadeeKAH’, you have to be careful, she may not be a she. She must actually be a HE. Hahaha.. That’s for real. If a girl in Thailand did not use ‘kah’ but use ‘karp’, it’s a HE, not SHE dude. Most people know that. heehee..

  17. jus so you know,the ladies are suppose to say savadeeka and gents will reply savadeekarp.. its nice to know the proper way of greeting, don’t you think? ^^ no offence la ya?

  18. Uh, Kenny, It’s the 23rd. Isn’t it time to post another?
    Knock knock…hello…too many Phuket high balls, eh? Or did you succumb to the evilness of this land and PAID FOR SEX WITH YOUR LAP TOP!!!!!!? :B

  19. Dear Kenny,
    Thank you for making me throw up at my desk. Not your trip, which by the way, seems quite nice.
    I’m talking about your Blog Plug Of The Day.
    No, please, I’m not a homophobe. In fact I purposely went to the link because I wanted to read a nice blog about a relationship between people of the same gender.
    I was thinking, “Oh how nice of Kenny to feature a same-sex couples blog. Perhaps that will show the world the tenderness inherent in all relationships, not just heterosexual ones. A glimpse into the lives of non-straight people who are in love. Awwww…”
    What I got was a dose of immaturity and nikelodeon-like, artifical saccharin-y sweetness so bad that my blood insulin levels and rage-o-meter both simultaneously red-lined and caused me to dump my McD’s Big Breakfast all over my keyboard.
    Spank You Very Much,
    A Nony Mouse

  20. I should never, NEVER go to thailand… too much temptaion!!!! ahhahahahah
    but damn, the beaches and the bitches are good! 😛 another pun for ya

  21. ahahhah… my favorite is “similan island”..hush!! si be funny….
    by the way, the scenery pics are good….
    hope to see more in the future…

  22. I enjoy reading your blog all the time. It is especially good to read this one “(3) Paying for sex is just… so wrong.” Good to have someone like you.

  23. Im going to Phuket in 2 weeks. Thanks for all the tips. Gotta admit, it was worth a laugh, especially the bird flu part lol…i’m still looking for other fun things to do in Phuket. Let me know if you have any other recommendations.

  24. u are a really wanker and looser.christina massage is for fun my friend not for sex looser.phuket is great if u have money and if u are young.

  25. Christin massage is something like a health centre, got normal massage and got extra service. same as many of these in malaysia and singapore… (massage your little brother ??)

  26. I found this very funny as I have come back a few days ago obviously you where not there to shop or sight see.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *