The Phuket trip was a total blast.

There’s too much to write and I’m sure nobody wanna about read how much of a great time I had, otherwise people are gonna have this image of me smirking at everyone else staying at home over the Good Friday long weekend. So I’ll keep it as short and sweet as possible.

The view of the majestic Andaman Sea from the plane was absolutely spectacular. It’s like watching a movie trailer teasing me of what’s to come before I get to experience the real thing.
Touched down Phuket International Airport 1pm on the 14th April. As soon as I walked out of the arrival gates, 143 minivan taxi touts were already there waiting to pounce on poor widdle me. It reminds me of KLIA, except they’re not illegal and the Thais don’t make those annoying kissy kissy sounds the KL taxi touts make to grab attention.

“Where you go? Taxi? Patong Beach? 150 Baht (RM15)!”
Patong Beach my ass. The first stop every tourist made is most likely at that tour agency who had connections with the taxi driver. I spent 10 minutes in there, and ended up paying for an pricey accomodation at a resort hotel.

Tour Agent: “This one good. 2000 baht (RM200) a night and comes with big fart.”
Kenny: “Comes with what?”
Tour Agent: “Brick fart.”
Kenny: “Oh you mean breakfast?”
Tour Agent: “Ya ya! Buffet brick fart!”

My bungalow in Duong Jitt Resort, Phuket.

I soon discovered that I’ve been ripped off. Turns out that the prices of almost everything in Phuket can be haggled and bargained for, and Kenny Sia suck major ass in that department.

Hey I’m here for holidays, not to engage in some petty business negotiations – that’s reserved for work. Me being here must’ve contributed greatly to the Phuket Tsunami Restoration Fund, which is a good thing, I guess.

Anyway, I arrived in Patong Beach after much delay. Was kinda disappointed I came a day after the Songkran Festival (Thai New Year). The Thais celebrate it by dousing random strangers with water, and the taxi driver told us there was some huge water fights going on during the day that we’ve missed.
So instead of watching chicks soaked in wet T-shirts, I had to put up with watching bald, burly and oversized bikie gang members who were here for Phuket Bike Week. 🙁

Phuket Island looks and feels very much like Malaysia’s own Penang Island, except the signs are all in some weird font I can’t understand. There are virtually no signs of the tsunami disaster that hit the area in 2004. The tourists have come back in droves and business is better than ever.

The entire Phuket Island is surrounded by beautiful beaches – the biggest, loudest and most popular of which is Patong Beach. This one isn’t the prettiest beach, but definitely the most interesting. Over here, tourism reigns supreme and commercialism is in its full glorious swing.

Every other shoplot around Patong is either a pub or a hotel or a souvenir shop or a tour agent or a tailor or a massage centre. These curious little shops keep the island lively and busy but it gets repetitive after a while.
The town council obviously wasn’t too imaginative when it comes to planning the beach front. They simply just CTRL-C one section and then CTRL-V all over the place.

The street vendors here are among the most enterprising ones I’ve seen. They’re also the most polite street vendors. Always trying to make an extra quick buck of you but never pushy. Everywhere you go, people are trying to sell you T-shirts, lamps and necklaces.
The scene here reminds me very much of Petaling Street. Unlike our Malaysian counterparts though, they won’t scold you rude words if you just look and don’t buy.

I walked into a tailor shop and paid 5000 baht (RM500) for two sets of made-to-measure work shirts, cashmere trousers, silk ties and belts. The Indian salesman even threw in another tie in for free. Not the cheapest in Thailand, but still a bargain.

It was almost sunset when I felt the urge to fly the skies and see Patong from a different angle.

It was completely on impulse that I paid a vendor on the beach 800 baht (RM80) to take me parasailing. Most likely I overpaid again, but it was worth every cent of it.

Moments later I was in the air with a life jacket on my back, a stupid harness strapped tightly around my groin, and one muthafarking daredevil behind me hanging on to NOTHING but the suspension lines of the parachute!

Look ma, no safety harness!

It was unbelievable. I was worried about him falling off more than I was worried about myself!

View of Patong from the parasailing experience

The whole thing was disappointingly short though, but still orgasmically good. There’s nothing like having a 5-minute long orgasm with a strange man wrapping his legs around you from behind.

It was getting late Feeling a bit voracious, I decided to seek food.
Dining in Phuket was absolutely divine. The fried rice was downright mouthwatering and the Thai spices packed in all the delightful flavours.

Their oysters are so big, fresh and succulent. And they’re just 30 baht (RM 3) each!

I’ve had more expensive oysters in Australia and New Zealand, but seriously, these ones are hands-down the best fresh oysters EVER.

After dinner, I felt the need for a some good old fashioned Thai massage. But the entire Patong Beach was FILLED TO THE BRIM with massage centres. There’s even a place that combines an internet cafe with a massage centre!

I don’t wanna waste my time and money on some half-arsed massage by a tranny. So I hailed down a tuk-tuk and asked the taxi driver to bring me to the biggest and best massage centre in Patong.
And that’s when my Phuket adventures really began…

(more, to be continued)

Lately, a lot of my pals are experiencing relationship woes. Whatever happened to good ol’-fashioned boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy marries girl? Nowadays everything becomes complicated with affairs, pregnancy, lies and deceit. I just felt helpless when I wasn’t able to help them out of their unenviable predicament.

85 Replies to “Phuket”

  1. Nice.. You’ve put it like so simple and organised to get a getaway in Phuket.
    Like the way you style their stalls..
    “They simply just CTRL-C one section and then CTRL-V all over the place”
    Looking forward for Part 2… 😀

  2. oh that was such a nice post – brief but detailed, in a way.
    and your photography skills are great! what camera do you use? actually, i remember a post by you on the new camera you bought some time ago, if i’m not mistaken, so yeah, forgetful me 😛
    anyways, you’re looking very buffed up and fit! looking good kenny.
    well, take care, enough fangirling for now, toodles!

  3. Ah…. whenever I sit down in front of my laptop.. I just cant stop myself from clicking to your webbie! I really enjoy your postings… hehehex….

  4. Nice place! Wow, would love to go there, but everything seems so pricey though.
    And i doubt it that u travelled it alone, who’s holding the camera then? 🙂

  5. Adding on to someone above – it’s not very kennysia to be travelling alone, innit? Or was there someone else who remained off camera o_0

  6. Of course it’s very kennysia to travel alone. I’ve been travelling alone everytime I go to KL, Singapore and other places.
    I’m a Saggi, I value my freedom. 🙂

  7. no 18th. Haha. enough la. heheh… this race is getting fun day by day la. Maybe we should have a special award for those first to comment here. Wahaha.

  8. i love patong beach too…the stuff at the shops are REAL cheap!
    anyway, i’m looking forward to part two!

  9. i went to the same indian tailor who stiched an awesome dress for me!n he threw in sum nice pashminas as well!!!!
    cant wait fr part 2…..

  10. Kenny… interesting entry..
    i’ve been to phuket too.. two months before tsunami.. luckily was back earlier.. i din enjoy much cos i met a lady whom i paid 300baht to her for a photo album and she insisted that i din pay.. end up.. i lost my money and i was not able to get the photo album as well…
    can’t wait for ur next entry..

  11. fark…just like watching movie…when they are showing some kan cheong part…suddenly…everything stopped..the cast list comes out..and the movie theme song started playing…and you’ll have to wait for the next day to see the continuing part…damn

  12. that’s the thing about travelling tho, local ppl just love ripping tourists off… and I haven’t mastered the skill of bargaining yet… that’s actually quite an important survival skills… well u travel a lot!
    wow those oyster looks soooo heavenly, I’m suddenly craving for some myself… time to pop over to lygon street for dinner!

  13. Fuck. I forgot all about blogging my thailand pics from feb :p you’re a true and true blogger la haha
    Thanks for the bday wish 😉 wish you could come and i could get you smashed 🙂

  14. wtf kenny. bring me next time with you ok.
    u can’t bargain for (freaking coco)NUTS to save your baht.
    and yes, i’ll wear that costume if you’ll buy it for me. just dont put me in the air.

  15. nice pics.
    the one with u posing at the beautiful deep orange sunset reminded me of those plastic action figures, complete with a hole in the hand to hold your plastic gun.

  16. OMG, I can’t stop laughin’.
    Brick fart buffet??!! Do you want some brick fart?
    Here you go, nice brown …..brick fart!!! 😀
    Happy festivities, Ken!!
    And a Happy 420!!

  17. Gosh you take awesome pictures kenny, I love the one you took parasailing 🙂
    Thailand is totally fun 🙂 I’m sure you enjoyed yourself heaps there

  18. Dude…Nice trip eh??But u’ve been ripped off big time =.=” U paid everything like too much..Try to talk to them dude.Atleast i noe how to bargain in Thai. Hehe XD
    I’ve been to Thailand so many times but i didnt know there were such cheap oysters!! I wanna eat them!nyam nyam…Go on wif part 2 dude!!

  19. Ah… I was there during the Good Friday weekend too. I feel the second part will be about the bars, chiqs and many more… Patong is great, but heavily overpriced. No thanks to all the generous gwais lous there.

  20. Hey.. the parasailing thing… aren’t u supposed to go up there alone? I was parasailing in penang and it cost me RM40 for 10 minute thrill. And i went up alone.. The reason for them to hook in the instructor is that if u r not heavy enough (below 50kg) . Why would u opt for a man to straddle u on air? (ok that sounds weird)
    Hmm.. nice photos btw.. will b looking for my trip to Bangkok next weekend.

  21. Oh, Kenny you tease. PART 2. NOW.
    Oh, and congratulations! You’ve joined the 50m High Club! Although, I think you’d have enjoyed it a bit more with a FEMALE partner, but that’s just me.

  22. Patong beach is awesome. Went there once and saw lotsa “sotongs” on the beach from the sidewalk XD
    My mum dont let me go to the beach coz she was afraid ppl will mistook me as a massager since I’m a thai myself ^^;;
    Too bad you missed the songkran or else you will get splash with water by hawt girls in bikini 😛
    looking forward to see more photos 🙂

  23. hey kenny, it looks like u’r getting more and more macho looking!! *droolz* LOL!
    can’t wait for part 2! 😉

  24. post part 2 quickly…an article typical of kennysia humour…btw…thanks..i had a fren depressed over xam results and this site made him laugh his guts out…not a pretty pic lor and i wish i didn’t see him do that…but still thanks…

  25. Why do you have to “stomach in-chest out” for all your poses? So wannabe… if you’re fat, you’re fat. Gay.

  26. My mama says she doesn’t dare to eat oysters nowadays because these seemingly fresh, savoury sea creatures feed on dead human flesh found on the ocean bed to grow. kenny, u should smile more, and i mean SMILE, showin ur teeth please. We all want to see ur pearlies.

  27. OMG Kenny! I regret not taking up the offer to go on the Thailand trip with you. OMG.
    The view. The legs. The bods. The bikinis. The oysters. The strange brave man on the parasail. The… basically everything.
    I’m dumb-founded. And did you lose weight? YES YOU DID. You look like a GQ model in that pic with the beautiful sunset. Well, close enough but you know what i meant.

  28. Ya lah, if you’re fat, you’re fat..stop sucking in your stomach and sticking your chest out lar….for a real look at how fat KS is, visit for some pictures of the fat slob going kayaking..enough to make you weep…

  29. Ref. your Short Talk on “relationship woes” (April 20, 2006). It’s break-up season. Valentine’s day is over. Time to head for the reality check.
    Those “good-ole-days” of boy-meets-girl, falls in love, marries, live to die in each other’s arms are over. Get over it.

  30. I was half way reading this entry, and I really have something to say about feeding fishes.
    I was at Langkawi around 6 months ago, and I was swimming around the same fishes that’s in your picture(I think!), they kinda look the same. And guess what? One of them attacked me! Non-stop. It kept attacking my leg, it chased me, I swam to the shore and tried to stand up yet it kept coming. And one bite left me bleeding. Damn it. Yeah, it was small but it was painful because this is sea water we’re talking about. It stings. Anyway, I stopped snorkeling and just sat at the platform. So miserable.
    And you know what our tour guide said? He said “your leg ‘sangat putih-la, dia orang ingat roti’, and he laughed hysterically. I so regretted paying for that trip.

  31. Hi kenny…came across your site when someone forwarded me a mail containing your letter to Slimming center.
    Well are very creative indeed..i wanted to start a blog..but i guess nah! i even bored myself with my postings!
    Btw…you should visit Redang island..more variety of fishes there..peaceful…no chicks(if you are looking for one..then it is no no).. some more can promote malaysia

  32. aha. have you lost weight since last year or are the pictures merely applying good photoshop skills?

  33. u over paid for da parasailing =D my mom is a thai. previously i went once and i only pay RM40 (local price). LOL

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