Questionable Hotel Souvenirs

When I was in KL, I had the pleasure pressure of staying at Imperial Hotel. Despite the regal-sounding name, it’s actually a dodgy-looking hotel located in the dirtier seedier side of the glitzy Bukit Bintang.

As I took the lift up onto the 3rd floor, I noticed the cleaners were sleeping on old newspapers on the floor.
It was quite a sight. I’ve stayed in worse hotels before (in Saratok), but to witness the hotel staff giving you a warm welcome by sleeping on the floor – now that’s definitely a first.

I paid for a Deluxe Room at a rate of RM81 per night. “Deluxe” being a relative term. Anything better than a rubbish dump is considered deluxe when compared to the other rooms of that hotel.

Of course lah, I was being damn stingy. Money is hard to come by these days ya know?
Stupid petrol price increase. And I thought AirAsia moving to the Low Cost Terminal is gonna help make flights cheaper. Why the heck is it called LOW COST terminal if you’re gonna charge us HIGHER airport taxes? Brainless idiots.
Didn’t wanna pay for better hotel since my flight was at 5:30am the following morning and I’d only planned to get a few hours of shut eye before I had to head out to the airport.

As it turns out, my night was spent catching up with naeboo at the mamak stalls in Bangsar till the wee hours of the morning. I ended up spending not more than a grand total 5 glorious minutes in my RM81-a-night hotel room.
What a way to waste your hard-earned money, Kenny. Well done. At least I don’t have to worry about burly transexuals knocking on my hotel room door at 3 in the morning to gimme a “Welcome to KL” from my backside.
One bizarre thing I did encounter in the hotel room though, was this.

I know it’s not uncommon for hotels to offer items from their hotel room as mementoes their guests can purchase. But seriously though, it baffles me why ANYONE would wanna buy second-hand crap from a dodgy budget hotel at prices that’ll make Ikea look like Petaling Street?

Do they expect tourists to carry a dusty torn sofa (semen stains complimentary) all the way back to Germany or something?

Bed spread for RM200. Bed sheet for RM60. Blanket for RM180…

MATTERS PROTECTOR for RM40! What the heck is a MATTERS PROTECTOR? Protect your “matter” one is it? I thought condoms cost like RM1 only leh.
I think this condom must be special one – have LV prints all over it.
I wouldn’t put this up on if it weren’t for those “questionable” items they are selling. Among them…

An eye viewer? What’s an eye viewer?

Fancy a used Foot Mat for RM15? Take a whiff.
Or how about a Toilet Door for RM200?
“Hey Dear, look what I’ve got for you from my trip to Malaysia? It’s a TOILET DOOR! Happy?”
These hotel people are nuts I tell you.

It’s so damn cool to see MAS and AirAsia shaking hands, working together. I’ve always admired Tony Fernandes, and now Idris Jala have grown to be become my greatest inspiration to turnaround and succeed in the business world.

101 Replies to “Questionable Hotel Souvenirs”

  1. whahahaha… this is damn funny. How imaginative these people can get. Yah who wants to buy those yucky stained and used bed sheets? or a door!? notice the color tv has no price to it.. free ah? whahhaha..

  2. i stayed there once too…it felt like an old building that’s about to collapse anytime…the place has a strange smell and the elevator…classic 😉

  3. I think they put it up to deter people from ‘accidently’ packing the hotel’s properties in their luggage before checking out. heh.

  4. i had fun reading this! hahaha….
    When i was in china, they offered “midnight snake”.
    ofcourse they meant midnight ‘snack’. haha.

  5. i had fun reading this! hahaha….
    When i was in china, they offered “midnight snake”.
    ofcourse they meant midnight ‘snack’. haha.

  6. flaminarse, wonder if they have midnite shake…muahahaha…
    I think you can get a better room further down Low Yat, forgot the name thou. Last time I visited my friend, at least the rooms are better than the ones u had.

  7. it’s simple really. it’s more of a warning rather than an advert for hotel souvenirs. if u were to do anything promiscuous, make sure that no enraged wife/gf finds out n bashed down the room door as well as hack the toilet door. else u pay rm200 n keep the splinters.

  8. haha…Luckily Singapore’s Budget Terminal’s surcharge is cheaper…
    Hope it translate to cheaper fares…
    btw, how u know got semen stain har???

  9. eye viewer
    is the thg with glass hole on the door that
    u use to see who is outside the room from
    the inside.
    its is one of the thgs that can get stolen
    as can easy remove. when contractor
    install these items on condo, they have feet
    and dissappear at an alarming rate.

  10. hahahahahahaha!! i almost fell off my chair laughing… oh well, it’s just the way this hotel chose to say “if you take anything out of this room, we’ll charge you for it”.

  11. next time stay in KLHilton, very convinent, very posh and 5 star. but im not sure if they offer toilet door tho

  12. this is soooo hilarious. omg. sometimes u come up with such ridiculously funny stuff. where do u find them? hahaha!

  13. Wow… LOLx u should have taken the colour TV and the mini bar drinks since the price of these weren’t given & while you’re at it, why don’t you grab the toilet seat as well? Or did the hotel provide this? They put up the door for sale. Lolx

  14. actually those are not adverts, they are more like friendly warning to those who took the hotel stuffs home. some ppl like to take home the towels,ashtray n etc.

  15. During CHOGM in KL (1989)
    Apparently, some of the delegates actually dragged the sinks and the mini fridges home from the 5-star hotels. Many came from the less-developed countries of the Commonwealth.
    So, I guess this message was written in the spirit.

  16. If you think what they sell is weird, look at what people actually take back…
    Check the news. It is reported that even a bed set was taken back from a motel.

  17. sorry yeah but posting another one. the way i see it ar, the humour can be found in the bad engrish. the humour can be found in the fact that they put up everything for sale in case something breaks or tried to steal it but the hotel fellas found out bout it.but surely nobody is really laughing becos they thought that the hotel is REALLY selling them as souvenirs rite? despite mistreatin the cleaners, ‘zhng’-ing their room names, the hotel fellas are not totally dumb. it’s probably the situation is so bad that they hav to put up things like this to warn msians not to spoil things while if ang mohs ever sleep here, we still preserve our culture and heritage.

  18. haha, i so bo liao. just want to say kenny, ur blog very the cun. so nice to read. the layout so cun. the blog posts so cun. some so touchin n real. some funny like hell. tai lei keh balls so big. when i c ur balls so big, i sometimes feel like playing basketball. just so that i know how big balls feel like. when i go to gym n see those exercise balls, u know wat i think of? keep up the good work, mate. kam siah.

  19. I agree with one of the comments above stating that the price list is a mere friendly warning to customers who have the intention of pinching or vandalising the items in the room.
    A good example would be them being charged 15 bucks for a missing floor mat, or $200 for a badly damaged (intentional or the other) toilet door.
    As for the ‘matters protector’ hahaha…

  20. kenny,
    you are inviting trouble if you continue to write criticism like that, have you ever considered being sued for defamation or being beaten up,

  21. i dont think being sued for defamation or be beaten up is something to consider. y u like to sue or beat ppl up? :p

  22. i stayed in one of these hotels before too! my gosh! haha.. mine was near pudu. it was called something-star inn. or something. it was SO dingy. at the reception it looked so tacky already, upstairs was worse. it was like one of those hotels that dirty old cheekopeks bring prostitutes to, for a 1 hour session or something. lol. damn gross lah. i dint dare to sleep on the bed so i went out n bought some cheap towels n spread them on the bed before i lay on em. lol. gross gross gross. the bed sheets look like they’ve never been washed. there were some questionable stains. whitish n yellowish ones. eeee. semen staaainnn. okay sorry for this blog entry here. lol.

  23. Yeah coz cheapskate ppl tend to stay in cheap hotels you see, and once they check out half the room empty (toilet door included)… The hotel that I work for doesn’t have that stuff in the room though. You should have stayed at the Capitol or Coronade. Rooms are much better at additional 10 – 20 bucks only. Next time you wanna come to KL drop me a line lah, got hoteliers rate lah.

  24. It’s really just to discourage people from taking things away, and those prices are what they’ll charge if they find things missing for any reason. Not exactly for sale, but maybe they did phrase it that way.

  25. I stayed in a much worst hotel before when I was in Bangkok. I paid around the price. Know what did I found inside e room??
    A torn lamp shade, green patches on one of the corner of the carpet and more… YUCK!!

  26. Kenny, I sure hope the bed wasn’t looking like it looks in your photo when you first checked in – who knows, the cleaners may have been sleeping in your bed and not on newspapers on the floor!
    And yeah, who wouldn’t want a Malaysian toilet door as a souveneir? *chortles* Maybe they should imprint “I used a Malaysian toilet and survived” on it, just so they can take a memento home to remind them how brave they were!

  27. rm 81? i don’t think is worth it.. but who am i to comment right, maybe it was unexpected.. anyhoo, i think the price list of items were put there cuz they’re afraid of the tourists stealing stuff from the hotel such as lamp shades and towels and hangers? so they kinda exaggerated by adding in the bedsheet and toilet door..
    but the cleaners sleeping on newspapers? i’d most probably not visit that hotel unless all the hotels in KL were to burn down (choi!) and i have to stay there.

  28. hahaha.. I remember Imperial hotel. WEnt there once.. AS usual, 1st thing i check when i get into the hotel room was the bed. I jumped on the bed and expecting a bounce. Ends up i landed flat on the bed. Good Springs they have in there..

  29. That hotel really looks crappy.. careful of bed bugs!
    Anyway, I reckon those price lists are written to charge cheapskate people who tend to “rob” hotels of the stuff (toilet door included) after their stay..

  30. Dude, the airport charges at the LCC terminal is actually lower than that of the main KLIA terminal.
    Trouble is that if you paid for your Air Asia ticket say before the switch over, chances that you have paid the higher price… and guess what… no refunds. One of the cunning ways how Air Asia makes their $$$

  31. Suffice to say that if they did put door on the list, it must have happened before that someone damaged/stole the door? 🙂
    You can stay at Fairlane – but maybe it is more expensive or you can let us know you are coming and we can keep you awake the whole nite too with activities.

  32. no idea if u checked this and i dont know if u read every single comment (it’ll be one hell of a job and respect if u do ) but i thought u might be interested in this blog site
    not mine….
    its malaysian, and quite funny

  33. you should have stayed at those backpacker’s inns, i believe those would be tons cheaper for just a night’s sleep and a quick shower.

  34. RM$81 for 5 minutes….cool.
    you sure discover many things and mess up the bed in 5 minutes…
    with the hotel trying to make fun of the guests, you made fun of them…great post!

  35. kjint, you’re not first, you’re third LOSER! 😉
    Kuzco, how would you ‘accidentally pack’ a hotel room door?
    flaminarse, I have a midnight snake in my pants.
    anon1, wouldn’t that be called a peep hole instead of eye viewer?
    arrows, yea I checked the price for KL Hilton. RM300++
    Wingz, sorry ha! 😛 Schedule kinda packed. I had to decide between you or 3 SYT chio bus.
    yy, why, are you from the ISA? heh
    Daphne, Pudu damn dodgy lah!
    jfoll, we take the comfort of our homes for granted sometimes huh.
    Michelle, no lah, I kinda sneaked underneath the sheets for a few mins before I had to go out.
    Jas, Bangsar nice wat. But the places were all closed when we get there.
    Leeza, yea it’s definitely not worth it. But I had no choice lah.
    leo-chan, how much do you charge? 😀
    Leonard, you made me sound like I looked for a prostitute!

  36. Kenny,
    I have a few relatives working in the hotels in KL. More often than not most of the hotel decos and items are taken away as souveniers. Especially by guests who come from Thrid World countries (ermm…i don really know about that 3rd world tem but I use it anyway). It means that those items are considered a luxury in their countries. One such hotel at one time had its whole carpet taken away…(maybe because the item did not appear in the souvenier menu list, so it must have been free…..muahahaha).

  37. i wonder how u gonna take off the toilet door???
    and why the bedsheet stuff oso? its like..uh, we can get better ones at even better prices!
    this hotel is being a bit ridiculous. i wonder if its meant to be a pun or are they actually serious!

  38. Aiya..if u not working standby overnight in K.L. u dunno one lah..this place is only for those who come for 1 hour “prostitute” time lah..If you be able to go behind the building staircase..then you know what this hotel market mah..the survenior..haiya.K.L people is freak as not like kuching..Better go to Sungei Wang Hotel..not to choose here or Malaysia hotel…

  39. isnt those tiny hotel rooms in midvalley cheaper? and its near bangsar summore.
    cheap hotels in KL city itself is baddd.. my cousin calls it “oi chee phang” hotels. try the hotels in PJ laa. not soo “hoe”-ish. like lisa de inn or something.

  40. Kenny, Sg.Wang Hotel is only RM55/nite. Or else, Bintang Warisan also not bad by paying RM90 (Wah Tung Travel Agent’s rate). There’s another hotel i want to recommend you – Allson Genesis Hotel, which is just not far from Imperial, it is only RM103 (Wah Tung rate – the cheapest in town). By paying such u can get better budget hotel, why not?
    trust me, i m not from wah tung…

  41. Man can’t believe you stayed at that place, it’s pretty expensive for the quality of the hotel because 90% of its clientele only pays for an hour or two.
    If you didn’t notice the second floor is actually a brothel, I stayed there the first time I came to Malaysia for one night…then quickly moved to another hotel of about the same price which was 10x better!
    The prices are if you damage the items beyond repair whilst fucking a pair of ladyboys, not a great jump of logic right?

  42. This is very, very, very unusual. WOW!! They’re actually selling used furniture , AND USED bedding =/ (yipes!!) for a price (???)……..Do you go out and TRY to find these places, Kenny, because I kind of find this hard to believe. Let me read it again to make sure I’m reading this right….hold on……

  43. IT”S CONFIRMED…..I read it right. They are confirmed
    C-R-R-R-R-R-AAAAAAAAY-ZEEEEE !!! Someone please tell me what a “toilet door” is…is that like the cover of the toilet seat?????(Whoa!!)
    To me, this piece is more shocking than funny. Doesn’t the health department get involved with this. It’s pretty unhealthy!!

  44. oh my, fairlane is torn down? it HAS been a long time since i went to kl…………sorry for the wrong info.
    but the invite stands…..kenny if you are in kl, do let us know 🙂

  45. Gallery H. in Singapore has a price list of their “designer” items too, which included the coloured pillows.

  46. LOL, what about the kiblat? I remember a hotel room in Taiping having that. My friends and I wanted to play a prank by turning the kiblat. We tried to remove it and propped chairs up. There were no nails, and it seemed to be held by some heavenly force stronger than superglue.

  47. oops.. poor kenny.. hahaha.. sungei wang hotel also like that.. they give me additional service for foc.. body guard cockroach was sleeping with me for one night.. the next day.. i left the hotel to another better one..

  48. oh yea kenny.. i remember.. sg wang hotel also sell items as listed by you. LoL.. they even put a price for the TV.. 😀

  49. Kenny,
    Useful tip: Try staying at the number eight guesthouse in Tengkat Tung Shing, Bukit Bintang.
    It is fabulous. Cheap, I think about RM 80 per night and it comes with art deco furniture, great concept if you’re into that kind of thing, and you can camwh0re in the room also (among other things), nice ambiance 😛
    Only drawback is that you have to use a communal bathroom, but it is pretty clean.
    Just a tip.

  50. ahahah!! hey i think they wan to sell that toilet door cos that hotel is so run down they’d be glad to get rid of some of the “useless” stuff!

  51. Must I go on a quest to find “what is a toilet DOOR”?
    I never heard of a “toilet DOOR”…..maybe the “BATHROOM door” or the “toilet SEAT”……For God’s sake!! Will someone PLEASE tell me WHAT a toilet DOOR is so I can fall asleep at night??
    Thank you.

  52. Hey guysm don’t laugh ok. Some high ranking official from India came to Malaysia some years ago and were taken for dinner at a Chinese restaurant. They were so fascinated by the glass thingy in the middle of the table that rotates so that you can take food from different dishes easily. So, they told their Malaysian hosts that they would like to take that glass thingy back with them and they did! So the hosts had to pay about RM200 plus for each glass thingy.
    An even more unbelivable but true story is our guests from Africa. Again, these are high ranking officials. They came and stayed at a 5 star hotel in KL. Upon checking out, their Malaysian hosts discovered a weird trail of water coming from one of their huge lugages. It turned out that one of them had taken the minibar as a souvenir along with glasses, cups, cutlery and God knows what else!
    So, maybe the Imperial Hotel have been visited by such people so that explains the sale of toilet doors and what not.

  53. hi..
    just returned from KL and I STAYED in Hotel Imperial for 108 RM per night. I stayed 3 nights.
    It was fun reading all these comments. Yes really, as I have seen the paper with the items for sale as well. If I see this I really must felicitate the management of the hotel, because they have reached exactly what they wanted. MAKING PEOPLE AWARE THAT CERTAIN THINGS IN HOTELS SHOULD NOT BE DONE such as damaging furnitures or steeling items. If one really wants to have such an item… well ok… just tell us… you get what you want but you need to pay.
    The way they wrote it is not in high standard English. This I noticed as well as the main language spoken and written in all notices was in Mandarin.
    The rooms have been renovated and are very clean. Have checked it with friends from the field and rated it to an upper 3 star, close to 4. However, the lobby who is still in renovation as well as the restaurant are not yet up to standart. But I found what I wanted, a clean nice / big room with NEW furnitures and clean bedsheets.
    Actually I would recommend this hotel. I think, hearing from befor…. it has certainly much improved. Got the recommendation from a hotel staff of another hotel!!! If the second floor is a brothel or not… I can’t say… did not notice any such actions…..
    Finally… thanks Kenny… you did a reall nice pesentation… I had fun.. but I still would recommend you to revisit and give us your feedback afterwards…

  54. this is a gr8 post! love it how you immitate those bimbos… unfortunately in this materialistic world, it’s about looks and $$$…
    and ok…i’m gonna say this for the last time, will everyone out there please open your eyes bigger?! obviously dawn got plastic’s sooo obvious…i don’t even know who she is but one look at her… she looks soo PLASTIC!!!
    u can tell because it’s not natural.
    and her pics are’s always the same.. i guess she has so much ego to that she’s
    ‘pretty’. xia xue is at least more realistic.

  55. why don’t they put box-springs or spring-divan under the mattress as a bed foundation like in US and europe?
    for me it is essential. the bed will be softer and bouncier.

  56. hahaha…i like the part when you mention about the toilet door as a survenior.
    Anyway I just went to the same hotel as you did, my friend i think they listen to your comment and immediately they go for total renovation…cheers
    Now they seems like totally different from what you have been experienced. And guess what they even have their own website 😛
    Unfortunately i cannot buy the door as a survenior now….coz it is not on the price list anymore :'(
    Damm….i want that door 😛

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