Coconut King

There’s this place in Penang that I find darn fascinating, especially for me.

On Abu Siti Lane, is a row of old colonial residential houses.
These are actual residential homes that people lived in before. You can see the interior of the house clearly partitioned to show where the living room is, the dining room is, and so on. But instead of having humans inside, these houses are filled with coconuts.

ROOMS after ROOMS full of coconuts! Flowing down the staircase, into the living room, out on the verandah. Nothing but piles and piles of coconuts, everywhere.
Never have I seen so many coconuts gathered into one place before, apart from the men’s changing room at the gym.

In front of each of these houses is a man holding a parang knife guarding the place.
You order what type of coconut you want from the guy (choice between standard or pandan coconut). He’ll pick up a random coconut from the pile and armed with his parang, he’ll skilfully chop up the coconut right then and there.

Part of the fun is watching how he’s able to slice up such a small object with such a huge knife. One wrong move and he could very well end up with his hand on the floor.
Look at how he hold his coconut. I wouldn’t recommend anyone to try this at home. Or anywhere else for that matter.

When he’s done, the guy will poke a straw in it so you can drink the coconut juice from it just like that.
When you’re done, you hand the coconut back to him and he’ll chop it up some more so you can savour the meat of the coconut.

He can carve a makeshift spoon out of the coconut shell for your convenience!
When you’re done eating the inside of the coconut, you can do some stupid things with it. Like making it your coconut bra.

And then you pose.

And then you pose some more.

And then you pose like you’re making love to the camera.

And then some guy come around and molest you.

And apparently, I got a little bit too sexcited ‘cos when everything is said and done, I accidentally left a stain on my shirt.


Kuching’s own singer songwriter Alex Wong (aka SingleTrackMind) (aka CEO of Pan Global Insurance) (aka founder of musiccanteen) (aka co-owner of Luna Bar and Muse Bar in KL) will be staging his album launch concert this Friday night, 11pm at Senso in Hilton Kuching. I’ll be there. Tickets are RM65, includes a copy of his CD and your first drink.

108 Replies to “Coconut King”

  1. Tanjung Aru Beach in Kota Kinabalu oso got cheap and juicy coconuttt ma, you guys dunno meh? Lemme be your tour guide la, next time u caome to Sabah, The Land Below The Wind. Hahaha..
    Coconutttz in KK measured bigger than all ur heads combined, costing only RM2.50 each, summore got coconuttt white meat as thick as 2cm, mm hai gau siu!
    Dun believe u can ask anyone from KK, then you noe. Something you shouldn’t miss! wahahahahaha!!

  2. Chicken, the friend happens to be my friend too 😛
    2 of my friends in your pics! haha the other girl drinking too. 😀

  3. damn. the indians there are so darn skillful! surprisingly they still have 5 fingers on each hands! damn!
    anyway, who take all the pics for everytime?

  4. eww…gross….
    but i like coconuts a lot though…used to buy the coconut+sugarcane drink at green road…so so yummy!!!

  5. coconut somehow really smell aewful but tasty.
    it something smells like tat the reason y gurls do xxxxjob?
    anyway kenny go to pattaya and dance when u lost your job. i bet u got lots of fans

  6. hey ya Kenny ,
    i should say LAWL on those pic 🙂 Im from penang – and i ride by that place like everyday “last” time la nbow in KL. I hafta say that spot is simply awsome 🙂 where else can u get cheap coconuts 😛

  7. Oh yea that place. My mum always go to that place to by coconut for us when the weather is too hot. If not mistaken pandan coconut cost rm2 and normal coconut cost rm1.50
    The original owners (an indian guy with his chinese wife) have sold the shop to current owner few years ago…
    Eh the guy that molested you looks very familiar to me. I think we were from the same high school…I’m pretty sure about it…I forgot his real name but nickname LENGBAI…lol

  8. and u should do the Rachel Green from ‘Friends’ pose. you know, when she pushes her boobs outwards. hey, that’d earn u more MALE molesters i bet *ahem*

  9. I know you are mean to be humor, but don’t over done it. There are still very young readers watching at your blog. That is just my point of view as a mum.

  10. Wow coconut tits……..and its full of juice too…..Got Milk?
    Must be loaded with milk since you got some on your shirt…. XD

  11. A few yrs ago, there was a murder at one of the coconut stalls, the middle shop, not the one at the corner lot.
    I forgot the details of the murder but no point guessing tool used to slay the victimlah.

  12. OK. OK.
    This is weird! That guy you featured has the exact same name as..ME! what the heck. While he is aka SingleTrackMind and owner of LunaBar and CEO of PanGlobal, I have no aka, owner of an apartment and a car, and CEO of nothing.
    Nvm, I’m just 24, got a decade to catch up!
    With regards to the coconuts…as long as the juice is good, I don’t care alredi, though you gotta hand in to them for their carving skills.

  13. celaka u la kenny…. innocent coconuts, u make it until so sick…. watla!!!! u gonna ruin his business, i feel disgusted and dun wanna drink from there liao…

  14. Ahaha. I find this post very very hilarious. I just love you blog lods, Kenny. 🙂 I went to that place multiple times and i always preferred the pandan style. Nice pose btw. Hahaha.

  15. Um.. Hey Kenny. I’ve been reading your blog since last year. And you can call me one of your blog fans lah.
    However, I felt that your blogging style has changed somehow. Kinda immature in a way. And it’s getting boring to read your entries.
    I admit, you are like so pro in blogging. But these days, you have not show me and some of my friends the best of kenny sia.
    That’s just my opinion. But you rock big time lah.
    I totally admire and salute the way you “kenakan” those SPAM messages people sent to you.
    Once again, you rock Kenny! but I am just hoping for better entries here in your blog.

  16. kenny u are sick of sex, coconut also can made u so high whatmore to say if a girl u are dam sick, new year so many people scold u i think u are going to soi 3 years.

  17. Is it just me or i dont find this post funny at all? kenny, ur postve been getting quite lame and shallow, to put it, unintelligent. wheres the old witty funny sarcastic kenny ? more hair salons review plz.. luv it

  18. Is it just me or i dont find this post funny at all? kenny, ur postve been getting quite lame and shallow, to put it, unintelligent. wheres the old witty funny sarcastic kenny ? more hair salons review plz.. luv it

  19. Ha – I guess that’s the nearest I’ll ever get to you as I work just around the corner (well ok 2 corners technically). Glad to know that you enjoyed your trip to Penang – hope the drivers didn’t scare the cr@p out of you. You better get one of those pregnancy test kits. It looks like you might be lactating to me…

  20. ppl who didnt find this post funny ..are weird.
    it is funny.. in a gross way, lol. lighten up abit lah! kenny’s just playing around what.. ppl got their serious side and childish side too.. lol.

  21. gosh..that’s pretty fancy, I love that display..filled expression nontheless eh?
    happened to read from other link by ‘hungryghost’
    in Opera

  22. You can get the stain from coconuts out if you soak it asap in a really storng concentration of Oxiclean powder and water. I put two scoops in a bowl of water that was just big enough of the shirt to be covered in. (I am not an Oxiclean representative.)

  23. Mini Siam, the miniature town, hosts facsimiles of several sacred places and important historical sites around Thailand. These miniatures are at the scale of 1 to 25. Located on the main highway of Pattaya, Mini Siam daily attracts busloads of tourists.

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