A Series Of Unfortunate Events From London To Paris

Before I was in London for Tiger Translate, I wanted to go for a little detour.

Since my flights to London were all sponsored for by Tiger Beer, and I thought why not make use of the opportunity to visit another country nearby. After all, it’s not everyday I get to travel to Europe.
The good news is, London is surrounded by many fanscinating cities. But inside me, there is only one place I really wanted to go.

The City of Lights. The City of Love. The City of Fashion.
The city where if people insult your mother, you can headbutt them in the chest.

I went to Paris with Dawn and another friend of ours *Belinda (not her real name ‘cos she’s shy and wanted to remain anonymous).
Obviously, we were very excited in the days leading up to our trip. Who doesn’t want to go to the home of champagne, Louis Vuitton and Ratatouille?
Paris is a city crammed with plenty of attractions. Since we’re only spending four nights there, we wanted to make the best of it. Being the anal travel planner that I was, I spent TWO FULL DAYS doing intensive research on the Net and came up with… Kenny Sia’s Most Kickass Too Fast Too Furious Superman Paris Travel Itinerary.

It was the best travel plan I have ever prepared.
I’ve got my tickets, accommodation and schedule all sorted out and deposits paid for before I even stepped on the plane. I showed the girls what I have prepared and needless to say, they were impressed. They even said to me, “Wow Kenny, you’re good!”
And to that I say, with a wink, “Yes ladies, I know. I get that a lot.

However, the trip didn’t start off as well as we hoped it would.
Getting from London to Paris was supposed to be the easiest part. The two big cities are connected by high-speed Eurostar train, which runs from the centre of London, through the undersea English Channel tunnel, right to the middle of Paris. If you book early, you can get tickets real cheap. I got mine at 49 pounds (RM300) return, which is even cheaper than flying from Kuching to KL.

But if there’s one thing I learnt in life, it is this.
No matter how good your plans are, the things you LEAST expected could happen and everything you planned for could very well… fuck up.
Pardon my French.

The first unfortunate event happened even before our trip started.
Two days before I was set to depart, we received this wonderful piece of news in the papers.

My heart went crashing down further than the US stock markets.
I was in a state of panic. The fire in the tunnel was still going on even as I boarded my flight to London. Throughout my 13 hour journey, all I could think was whether or not I might lose my deposits for our accommodation booking.
I even checked the live news report on the plane’s computer continuously to see if the fire has been extinguished. More importantly, if my train to Paris has resumed.

As soon as I touched down London Heathrow, I shot a text off to Dawn and Belinda to find out their whereabouts.
Belinda informed me that train services have only partially resumed. She was lucky enough to grab hold of a seat and managed to get to Paris. Dawn was still stuck in London. Because our original trains were cancelled, we’d have to catch the replacement train the next day.
I myself had to scramble for a place to stay in London last minute because I hadn’t had any booking. Needless to say, I had a crap sleep.
Moral of the story is: buy travel insurance.

Next morning, I headed to the Eurostar station bright and early to meet up with Dawn. That was when the second of our series of unfortunate events occured.
As if it wasn’t bad enough to not have slept all night. I was tearing out my hair because: 1) Dawn was nowhere to be found, and 2) she was not answering her phone either!

I was frantically searching for her all over the Eurostar station and just as I was about to give up, Dawn suddenly appeared out of thin air and tapped me from behind.
Kenny: “Where did you go? I’ve been trying to call you!”
Dawn: “I dropped my phone in the cab!”
Kenny: “WHATTTT!!! How now!?”

The cab driver was nice enough to deliver her phone back eventually, but that was too late to save me from heart attack.
It was only the start of our trip and already it is turning out to be quite a chaotic nightmare.

Despite the earlier mishaps, taking the Eurostar train across the English Channel was fun. One moment you can see English signboards, then it’s complete darkness for a while inside the tunnel.
Next thing you know, sunlight shines through the windows and everything is in French.

Welcome to Paris!

We lugged our heavy luggages through the massive Parisian subway stations, got off at the Jewish quarter and arrived 13 hours late to meet Belinda at our rental apartment.
Finally, some decent rest at last!

This was the apartment we stayed in. It is small, but very clean and modern.
The apartment has only one bedroom with a queen sized bed.

This was the bed that Dawn Yang and I slept in.
For four nights, we shared this bed, made love all night long and performed hardcore kinky sex utilising every single sexual positions known and unknown to men. We made a lot of noise when we did it missionary, cowgirl and doggie style.
We even tried the difficult ones like The Wheelbarrow.

The Helicopter.

The Windmill

…at least that’s what the busy bodies in the gossip forums would like to believe. 😉
Apparently if I travel with a girl and the place we stayed has double bed, automatically those people would jump to conclusion and think that *gasp* we must be screwing each other! RIGHT?
Sorry guys, but unfortunately the truth is far less interesting than made-up fiction. In actual fact, Dawn and Belinda shared the bedroom while I slept on the sofa bed in the living room alone.

All jokes aside, there was one thing we did correct in this trip. We made a smart decision to stay in an apartment instead of a hotel.
Accommodation is bloody expensive in Paris. Even with a 50 Euro (RM250) a night budget, the best I could find are smelly and old hotels in the red light district of Montmarte. It’s too far away from all the attractions and too unsafe for the girls.
Considering there’s three of us and staying for four nights, the rental apartments are a better deal.

We booked our apartment through parisaddress.com for 135 Euros (RM675) per night. Split among three, each of us paid 45 Euros to stay in a clean and centrally-located swanky apartment.
Throw in free internet, a kitchen and a washing machine, it’s a damn good deal by Parisien standards.

An old Jewish man handling the cash register at a shop outside our apartment

Anyway, we were determined to start our holiday after a bad start to our trip. With our late arrival throwing the spanner in the works, the kickass itinerary I planned earlier was as good as used toilet paper. Still, we compromised and tried to make the best out of it.
We got changed and got out of our apartment. Two steps out our doorway, I heard the two girls screamed “VINTAGEEEEEE!!!” and immediately they scuttled into this old-fashioned vintage store like rats in Ratatoille.
Then they proceeded to stay there for ONE HOUR.

Note to self: remember to keep the girls far far away from shopping.
Our first tourist stop is not in Paris, but in Versailles. Versailles is the old capital of France located 40 minutes away from Paris. There’s a Palace there where French kings used to stay many centuries.
We arrived in Versailles after a long train ride. First thing we noticed is that for some strange reasons, everybody seems to be walking OUT of the palace gates.

When we went to purchase our tickets at the reception, we encountered the third unfortunate event of our Paris trip.
Due to a private function, the Palace was closed early and we couldn’t go in!

That means we just wasted 2 hours travelling back and forth to Versailles for absolutely nothing! By now the girls were probably thinking what a lousy tour guide this Kenny Sia person is. First trip with him and already everything was going wrong.
Dejected, defeated and utterly disappointed, we made our way back to Paris.
Got off at the Palais de Chaillot, and that’s when we saw it.

The Eiffel Tower!
We hugged each other, wiped the tear off the corner of our eyes as we gazed upon the 325m of iron structure in front of us, recognised all over the world as the definitive symbol of Paris.
It is so beautiful.

Finally, that’s one thing crossed off the list of things I wanna do before I die. 🙂

“We’re going to Paris tomorrWOW! No… actually, we’re already there.”

When we had enough camwhoring at Trocadero, the three of us rented a bike for only 1 Euro (RM 5), then cycled down to the base of the Eiffel Tower during sunset.

It was a quintessential Paris experience, and I highly recommend everyone to get on a bicycle when you’re in Paris.

No matter how many times I look at the Eiffel, I can never get tired of it.
At night, the tower lights up and it looks even more spectacular.

We were satisifed at last.
The beginning of our trip was the worst nightmare anyone could ever imagine. Train got cancelled because tunnel caught fire, phone dropped in cab and the only tourist attraction we went to closed early.

But as soon as we saw the Eiffel Tower, it’s as if all our earlier disappointments just instantly vanished.
Such is the magic of the Eiffel.

Sure beats the “Eiffel Tower” we have on Batu Lintang Rd in Kuching.

I hope America chooses the right President. It shouldn’t be that difficult.
One is a black guy whose name sounds like a WWE wrestling champion. Another has a vice-president whose name is “Salah Paling” and comes from a town called “Wa Si La”.

105 Replies to “A Series Of Unfortunate Events From London To Paris”

  1. any other places you went in paris? or in france for that matter. planning a trip there but am unsure where to stay and where to visit.

  2. Damn…at least you didnt had it bad as me. I was on the bus from London to Paris via the tunnel on sep 11, when the fire broke out and were made to go by ferry thru Dover instead and my phone couldn’t stop ringing from my worried mom who thought I died in the fire. Everyone was panicking, thinking it was a terrorist attack. But damn it… i made it to Paris!!

  3. Haha I hate those days where you get a series of unfortunate events when you’ve been such a GOOD BOY the day before! There should be a word for events like this, such as ‘Anti-Karma’ or ‘god-screwed-me-over day’. Gah…
    LOL – “too bad, its going up on youtube now…” Hahaha, poor Dawn. She’s gonna throw a fit.

  4. I know this sounds kinda crappy, but this is one hell out of fantastic post!! A very refreshing one indeed.
    At least I’ve been to Paris through Kenny Sia’s blog. 😛

  5. hey! i only realized any trip to Paris is sumhow cursed!! My sister and her friends had sum unfortunate events before departing to Paris frm Newcastle airport. then me n my man had even worst experience: 1. his finger was badly cut prior the flight and couldnt stop bleeding 2. our stupid easyjet flight was announced canceled right after we check in! 3. our de-tour bus frm Liverpool John Lennon airport to London was late for 3 hrs, and the bus decided it’s fun to hit the drain gutter and crashed the window wif passengers in 4. our hotel was canceled! and took us 1 hr to get alternative super expensive, super small hotel which was located at zone 6!
    so yeah! i guess i had the worst luck ever. but eiffel at night and disneyland trip just took our soi-ness away~~ i’d love staring at eiffel while laying on the grass at night. damn romantic.

  6. hi kenny,
    the apartment u stayed looks fantastic. do u mind giving me the website or search engine or the name of the place so that i can go there for my next trip to paris?

  7. The “Eiffel Tower” on Batu Lintang Rd in Kuching de is better then the Paris one…………………………….i love u Kuching!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. ahhh…the batu lintang Eiffel tower…pretty aint it….?;P bwahaha…turn left to reach my gram’s home! so near yet so far…no real Eiffel tower to see..make do lor..:P

  9. wah… batu lintang eiffel tower not bad wat… you have ‘GREAT’ designer and planner. who would hv thought they will built electric/comms pole right next to a gas station. damn clever lor!!!!

  10. I.Love.Paris. It’s magical. But you have to take your time. I’ve done all the tourist stuff and now when I go I do what the locals do. It’s magical. There’s no other way to describe it.
    The Eurostar is the only way to get into Paris and Brussels. I was in Pisa when the fire broke out in the tunnel and I was thinking ‘crap. i have to be in Brussels for work next week’.

  11. Wonderful isn’t it? I recognise lots of shots (not as in u plagarized – hehe, i can only hope right? but as in i took similar ones) from when I was there. Well written though, my blog post only skimmed the surface of what we did. :p

  12. hey, what location would be the best to stay in paris? ill be there next month. yet to do any bookings.any recommendations?

  13. hiee… i’m going london and paris with my gerfrens at the end of the year in winter.
    mind sharing the info you’ve researched on and email me?
    tks a zillion!

  14. Hei kenny, When i was in Paris. I bang into Dawn Yang at Arc de triomphe.I wonder why she was alone. Why you din teman her that time?? If not i can take picture with you as well.. Wasted.. Sigh…

  15. haha what now kenny, trying to pretend like the entry title ‘zhng my face’ never happened and happily travelling with the subject of the post?

  16. i’ve seen a lot of towers bigger than the one at batu lintang, we built 175kv towers. but my wish is i wished i was there with you all 🙂

  17. yeah yeah exactly, Im looking forward kenny to post about his scandal with Dawn too LOL.
    “My heart went crashing down further than the US stock markets.”

  18. Smart choice on the apartment in Paris! Indeed, travelling in Europe, I’ve come to very much prefer rental apartments over hotels and backpackers. B&B are sometimes OK. Rental apartments are MUCH cheaper than budget hotels and not much more (if at all) than backpackers hostels. I’ve stayed in apartments in Switzerland, Germany, Italy and Spain and I don’t think I’ve ever met a rental apartment I didn’t like, and some will even provide you with a first meal… well not meal but they give you coffee, milk, juice and fruits. You have freedom to come and go as you please and you don’t get suspicious looks from reception. Many will have a washing machine so if you’re staying more than only 2-3 days you can even do your laundry and save luggage space for souvenirs (if any).
    Having said all that though… I still haven’t been to Paris… So near yet so far….. *sighs*

  19. too much advert post, same lame stuff, too much glitz and glitter of your glam life.. kenny, i think your blog is going down. no offense.

  20. to enjoy Paris, best is 31.DEC, You get kissess by 12.01 am, wonderful fireworks and fire crackets…But, hard to get cheap room.
    Paris never change much, except it is now 5X more expensive then I was there.
    One must bring lover to Paris and enjoy the fullest, I feel sorry to hear that nothing happening huh, You see many lovers hugging , kissing publicly and now you are with beautiful lady bicycle in the sunset?

  21. OMG I’m so jealous!!! PARISSSSSSS!!! I’m going to brush up on my cycling skills then I’m going to put it on my must-do-before-I-die list to cycle around Paris. RM5 is good! I’m sure you have more pics right… faster share!
    You all look so happy travelling!! So nice.. 🙂

  22. I recently came back from Pairs myself. Im almost as anal as you are, but well, just not as unlucky. The research I did prior to my trip to Europe earlier this year was crazy. Heck, I nearly drove myself crazy. Looking back, I did enjoy it a lot. Every damn thing I saw during my trip marked off so many things I wanted to do/see before I die.
    I’m planning another backpack trip to the United States next year. Am saving money now and looking for people to travel with. The more the merrier (and the most cost-effective) hahaha!
    You seem to be extremely busy and quite unlikely to be interested. Nonetheless, I dropped by to say hi, and that I love Paris too!
    Have a great week ahead Kenny

  23. Gawd i miss batu lintang eiffel tower… sigh.
    Bell – tldnr
    ju ann – you love kenny, you want kenny, you wanna baaang kenny xD

  24. Them crazy Japs are pr0s at the Helicopter position, spin spin spin. @_@ Only possible with small dicks if not the kkj sure will ‘bengkok’.

  25. ‘Sorry guys, but unfortunately the truth is far less interesting than made-up fiction. In actual fact, Dawn and Belinda shared the bedroom while I slept on the sofa bed in the living room alone.’
    This is really your most unfortunate event of all.

  26. I agree with this:
    “No matter how good your plans are, the things you LEAST expected could happen and everything you planned for could very well… fuck up.”
    I took overnight Euro Train from Paris to Rome, the train broke down at midnight. When I took overnight Euro Train from Venice to Viena, the train broke down again. Therefore, for us, the failure rate of overnight Euro Train is 100%. The failure had disturbed my well-planned trip because of the train delay.

  27. “But as soon as we saw the Eiffel Tower, it’s as if all our earlier disappointments just instantly vanished” -> it’s all in your head…you could feel the same after having a really bad day and as soon as you see batu lintang eiffel tower, you would be enlighted too…control your mind~~~ 🙂

  28. Kenny,
    Does the French speak English to you while you were there? I’ve heard so much about how terribly snobbish those Frenchman are, insisting only French even when travellers don’t understand a single word they say. What do you have to say to this? Should Ireally bring along an English-French dictionary if I decide to visit Paris?

  29. Jon, yes they do speak English but they’re not good at it. They won’t “insist” on speaking French, but if you attempt to speak basic French with a cheeky smile, you’ll find that they’ll take pity on you and reply in English. Never ever start a conversation in English. Always ask them “Can you speak English” (“Par lay voo Anglais?”) if anything. A basic English-French phrasebook is highly recommended. 🙂

  30. nameless, yeah you can spot Belinda in my photos.
    She’s the one in the bicycle in front in this photo: http://www.kennysia.com/images/photos/2008/20081010-20.jpg
    She’s also the blackened out figure in this photo:
    And if you watched my video, you’d notice that she’s the one I put a white box over her face to conceal her identity. 🙂
    If my friends choose to be anonymous I gotta honour that you know?

  31. LOL, parisiens in general dislike la tour Eiffel. They say it’s an ugly piece of metal 🙂 And, they are not rude, it’s just their culture. Go into their Metro, and you will notice how silent it is, except for when some musician comes along. If you speak francais to them, they’d be happy to help you. You go to France, you need to speak French. It’s showing respect, like so: Bonjour, je viens de malaisie. Pouvez-vous m’aider sil vous plait? Parlez-vous anglais? Ditto.

  32. naeboo, they also missed ‘the jackhammer’.
    and kenny, are you sure you’re straight? if i were to share an apartment with dawn, god help her…. i might even show her ‘the hovercraft’

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