The party last Saturday night was a total hoot.
Like all Nuffnang parties, there's always a theme to go with it and all guests are expected to comply. This time the dress code was "Standout", inspired after Tiger's new bottle designs.
It's pretty much open to interpretation what the term "standout" as a dress code implies, and true enough everyone who came to the party dressed differently.
Some came in their typical Saturday night outfit.
Others put in a lot of effort to look like a farm animal.
Me? I came as the best standout performer in this year's Britain's Got Talent.
I came as... Susan Boyle.
Strangely, I reckon I looked more like Albert Einstein in drag.
It was the first time I wore a dress out in public. One thing I noticed is that people treat me differently in a dress. Everyone I talked to seem to particularly enjoy fondling my manboobs.
Seriously, I lost count at the number of times I was molested by guys and girls alike.
The best part was when this girl poked my chest and asked, "Eh you got stuff something inside ah? Why your neh neh so big one?"
"No babe, that's my actual man boobs."
"Oh sorry sorry!"
The Cow and Edward Scissorshand were the other two male nominees. As part of the routine, each of us had to perform something based on what we're dressed as. So if you're dressed as a belly-dancer, all you gotta do is belly-dance.
I smirked to myself. This is easy. How difficult is it imitate Susan Boyle singing?
By the time my turn came to face the crowd, I was holding the microphone ready to sing "I Dreamed A Dream" from Les Miserables.
Kenny: Do you want to hear me sing?
Kenny: No? Then what do you expect me to do?!
Crowd: FLASH!!! SHOW US YOUR PUSSY!!!
Kenny: Hey! I'm a 47-year-old woman!
The crowd would have none of it. I thought long and hard about whether or not to keep my dignity, or give the crowd what they want and let them go home happy.
Times like these I think to myself, "What would Susan Boyle do?"
Would Susan Boyle leave her fans hanging? Of course not.
So I climbed on top of a table, danced a little.
And when the time is right, I turned around and...
Flashed them my p#^&*%.