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Thursday, 15 January 2009

Short Talk:

Is it just me or did everyone else notice that a lot of songs on the radio by top female artists these days are all about bashing guys. Example: Beyonce - If I Were A Boy, Rihanna - Take A Bow, Britney Spears - Womanizer.

And what are the top male artists singing? About how sad they are after having their hearts broken by girls. Example: Backstreet Boys - Inconsolable, Kanye West - Heartless, Akon - I Want You Right Now (Na Na Na Na).

Man, us guys are such wimps these days.

Singapore Engrish

I noticed on my most recent trip to Singapore that there seems to be a lot of mainland Chinese on that little island state lately.

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Nothing against them of course. But I do find it fascinating that so many of them mainland Chinese can be found at virtually all levels of society in Singapore: in coffeeshops taking orders for your drinks, in universities studying for their exams, or even in a luxury condo after marrying some rich Singaporean tycoon.

Like what Chinese-turned-Singaporean actress Gong Li did.

gong-li

It is very different from the situation here Kuching, where the only place you can find Chinese nationals, is in a foot reflexology!

Having so many of them living and working in Singapore also brought about some... unintended side-effects.

I went to an authentic Chinese restaurant the other day hoping to sample some authentic Si Chuan dishes. What I found there instead, was something much more exciting.

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Behold, a Singapore Chinese restaurant menu… in Chinese and Engrish!

Who would’ve thought you could find Engrish in post Speak Good English Campaign Singapore?

Apparently, you can. Over in this PRC-operated restaurant, you can sample such famous dishes as:

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Woh Tie.

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Char Siew Pau.

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Western lettuce. Runs on petrol!

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Sourced from monolithic cow.

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Sometimes, their menu even doubles as a weather report.

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Eat your ma’s tofu!

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Someone call the fire brigade!

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Oi! Don’t rape the onions! They will cry.

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It is not offence in Singapore to have sex with vegetables.

They’ll tie the mushroom down on a bed, collect S$7.80 from you, then let you perform various sexual acts the mushroom.

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The diced chicken community is not happy.

Then there’s my personal favourite.

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They take a joss stick, stick it up the cow’s ass, and call it “Joss Stick Porn.”

All together now... WTF?!

329 Comments

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no comment yet/z

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wahh!! horrendous!!

kinda suprising to find this level of engrissh in Singapore..

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haha.. seems more of a babelfish traslation.

It's kinda hilarious to see that coming from Singapore! :P Think they might gonna enact a law that forbid or close down such restaurant.

Luckily Steamed Fish is not written as Sperm Fish. Wahaha...

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it proves that singaporeans are very internet savvy :p

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lame leh

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yeah that is singaporean

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oh that's a good one ....
don't they ve any singaporean frens to check their english ...

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probably they took it straight from their previous restaurant's menu in China without giving it much thought.

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lolwut!?

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LOL. can compete with China ady?

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wow. i doubt its some singaporean who wrote that menu. never seen such menu in 21 years living in singapore.

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wahahaha...that's hilarious...the one with the exploding palace and dice chicken....i wonder what translator tool they used?

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they must be using crappy translator hence da crappy engrish =.=

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to be fair, "potsticker" is apparently quite a common label in america. my angmoh friend actually called them by that name. it's still pretty hilarious, though.

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hahaha..they must've used the direct translator...

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FYI, pot-sticker is a very common term used even in America...

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OMG~!! I can't stop laughing.. seriously!!! And I'm still laughing as I type this comment *teary eyes dee*

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LOLOL

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hilariously funny...... more please.

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Hey Kenny, here's a suggestion for your new year.

Pick up a musical instrument!

Drums, piano, bass guitar, classical guitar, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, violin, saxophone, anything you can see yourself playing.

It's always interesting to learn a musical instrument. I play the drums personally. And I love it.

Good luck!

And good post. I can't stand bad English so it's good to laugh at them. =)

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bahaha! this is funny kenny!

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Exactly!!! WHF??

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rape mushroom! omg....
it is so call wat "kap" d?
3 or 4 or 5 or even 6 kap??

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Rape the mushroomsss! LOL

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i can't believe im looking at a menu i would actually see in singapore... but its too true that there are too many chinese nationals around...

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Damn u kenny!

U made me n my bro laughed so hard... I cant breath now!!! 666 u!!! LOL

Rape food? Wah they got "foodtiliaty" fetish there kah!!!


XD

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WAD DA FAK!!

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i thought it only happened in china..
but now in singapore..

-.-"

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hello! this is hilarious! where did you find this in singapore? i would love to patronise the restaurant! LOL.

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kenny kenny kenny u give me side spit!rotf

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LOL~ love you! hilarious

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wtf LOL!!!

great post xD

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Holy crap! Damn lolx!

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rotf lol, good one kenny... chinglish + singlish = chisinglish (crazy english)

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LMAO~!!! HAHAHA, Joss Stick Porn~!!? HAHAH~~!! the palace explodes the diced chicken~~!!!!! omg, i cant stop laughing right now.. haha

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where is this place? omg.

but was the food even good?

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btw, woh tie is not "woh tie"
is "guo tie"

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HAHAHAH. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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ROFL like seriously WTF ?!

I'll be laughing my ass out if I saw that in RL.

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wahahahahaha....

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not surprised.

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confirm guarantee plus chop the owner is mainland chinese.

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Lol i couldn't stop laughing... classic kenny at its best :D

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Wow, why they just don't ask any local people to help them translate? Or maybe those local people English is...

>"

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What is wrong with pot sticker?

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And now for no reason, my blog has been associated with the bovine adult entertainment industry :(

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omg tell me where is that plc.!

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if you dont mind, please note the shop name! Whukaakka

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OMG!!! LMAO!!! Rape the Mushroom!!!

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crappily translated directly using copy & paste using some lousy dictionary.. zzz...

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Porn or pron?

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you gotta love JOSS-STICK PORN. HAHAHAHA.

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wtf??? i can't help laughing as i read the menu..

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LMFAO HAHAHAHA WHATS WITH ALL THE RAPE AND EXPLOSION

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Thanks for our PRC workers who provide Singapore multi usage of English-PRC-Style!

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oh please
this is not singapore engrish
go to china
this is how they translate stuff
with a poor free translator
nothing to with singapore -_-

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omg lol! so "direct" translations.. LOL!

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oh... this is so embarrasing..

and depressing at the same time.

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Oh, thank you Kenny for cheering me up unintentionally when I'm sick....

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Rape is also the word for a kind of flower. But to call choy sam rape heart... that's really WTF

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This is definitely written by a China Chinese! Haven't you heard bout all the jokes regarding menus during the Olympics??

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Hey, in that monolithic beef photo, above that dish is it "tammy style"?

i didn't know tammy is only S$1 more expensive than monolithic cow man...

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hhahhaha... i would burst out of laughing so loud that i would be so full in just a couple of minutes..

hahaha.. luckily I am not the one that saw the menu in the restaurant....

Btw, yea your comment is right, these days guys are such a wimps... damn us!!! wtf....

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Dear KennySia.

I was having a really bad day...no make that week. And i was really down in the dumps.

But thank god, i read your post and burst out into stomach-straining laughter. Thank you so much.

With the suckiness i have in life now, i'd prolly consider paying $7.80 for that mushroom.

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HAHA!!!!!LOL!!!NICE MENU.....

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WTF! damn funny!
Tell me where is the restaurant! I want to go and have a look!

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Hey Kenny, Pot-sticker in Chinese is called Guo Tie, not Woh Tie.

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so sarcastic.. they just dont have the chance to get good education like us..

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Wow! This is so interesting and the pathetic translations from the menu were FUNNY! :)

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*are so funny! :)

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Couldn't you rename the title to "China engrish" instead? I'm sure Singaporeans will agree that we're NOT the ones with those silly google-translated food titles, so why is the title of this post called "Singapore Engrish". And what's with the spelling for English in that manner?

While I don't fancy the ah tiongs over here, please.. your hanyupinyin is nowhere near fantastic either. I was trying to figure out what woh tie was.. then i realised.. you actually meant GUO tie. -_-'''

And also, fyi in case you don't know.. rape doesn't just mean the forceful sex. It is also Brassica napus, a member of the mustard family, and it yields a valuable oil called colza. That could actually be the oil that they're referring to, although I don't think they would use quality oil in their food though.

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Yeap..u r right..

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woh in cantonis and guo in chinese la

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i also agree with her. with that title it seems that you are indirectly shooting singapore, change it or something.

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agreed!

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it is a big issue when chinese people makes simple grammar mistakes, but it is 'OKAY' when a white man make silly mistakes when they try to speak/learn our mother tongue.

We are a disgrace to our own race!

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TOTALLY AGREE!!!!!!

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zzzzzz...
OMG. So embarassing to see such english standard in Singapore. I was overwhelmed by the increasing number of mainland chinese too! The kopitiam behind my office are filled up by stalls setting up by chinese nationals! *Peng San*

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this is definately not singapore english. the chinamen in our country is alrdy ruining everything here. pls dun let them ruin our reputation too..

they shld get the hell out of our country and go back to china to grow crops

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I am quite offended by your post, actually it is me who translated the menu for them. lolz.

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Nice choice of restaurant. Even if the food sucks you get compensated with a good laugh.

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Pot-sticker is not wrong.

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You are One of the Best jokers.. .erhh bloggers I have ever seen. Thanks for sharing the info of this restaurant.

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Haiya, I am so embellest laaa.........singapolean engrish pai sehh maximummmmmmm................

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~.~ Since most Singaporean read english.
Will they able to understand the Chinese words?

Or is this a way to encourage ppl learn Chinese and had a laugh on it??

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LOL...loved it!

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Kenny,
Good one. I believe some S'poreans do the direct translation from mandarin to english too, so are some M'sians. Cant blame PRC, they are trying to master English, but wth, they make our days. LOLZ

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this is one great post. one great, funny post. keep it up =D

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this is what you what happens when
outsourcing your menu to foreign countries beginnin with C****.

nice one mr.kennysia

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Hahaha..
I've got a site dedicated only for this crap.. go on have a look.. this one i call, Can You Spot The Not?

http://canyouspotthenot.blogspot.com

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your funniest post to date :D

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some were lame. some were funny.

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Gosh...

Being a Singaporean myself.. I feel so embarrassed for you to find such singlish in a restaurant.. -_-""

I hope the owner of the restaurant is not a fellow Singaporean too..

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Please la some of you Singaporeans here, stop being so defensive. It's nothing against Singapore's English for that matter but the direct translation of the mainland Chinese who happens to own that restaurant.

Sit back, relax and laugh okay?!

why so uptight over it?

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It's because he titled it 'Singapore Engrish', or didn't you read the title? That's why we're offended! That is not even Singlish! It's PRC English, not Singlish.

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Hahahaha!!! China with their direct translation...by the way what is monolitchic??

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potsticker is correct.

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Atrocious and embarrassing! But I am curious what kind of food is served. I'd like one "roast the package"!

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nice one

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Hey Kenny.. i've recently been (pretty religiously) reading your blog.. since your post on the Sg Marathon which was forwarded by my friend.

You've captured some of the most horrendous usage/ translation of the English language here in Singapore.. There are loads others that will just floor you..

Singapore is on this Speak Good English campaign - encouraging others to speak, well, Good English.

One major example of 'good English' was once when I asked my friends' kids.. the opposite of IMPROVE.. Their answer to me was 'DEPROVE'.

Another few examples are, the wrong usage of the word 'anyhow'.. "Aiya, I anyhow do wan laa.. that's why fail lor..."

And, 'die die'.. "Wah lau.. these things die die must do lor.. Boss come back i sure 'kana' man if dont do..."

Cheers!

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ridiculous..!!
too many articles of this kind recently
haih..
no comment


is it just me who always tick the "remember personal info" and yet it never remember?
or does anyone else have the problem?

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Hey, it's my first time here. I am lucky that my company IT guys did not plan to block your blog just like any other gmail or yahoo website. Other wise I won't have a good and cherish morning!

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"North Korea cold" - maybe it's a secret biological warfare laboratory? :D

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huh? singaporean english going very wrong? did they even check with some english-speaking people for the menu names before printing it?? hmm..

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hilarious!

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Kenny, Where was that place? I was the actual food any good? I need to see the menu for myself.

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ok you have got to tell me the address of this place. hahahaha

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you seriously need to get a life and stop bashing singapore! china had worst english issues and i'd say even ur hometown's not faring any better. just bcos u've studied overseas b4 doesn't put you on the pedestal! jeez!!!

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OMG, that was bloody funny!!!
You should tell everyone where is this restaurant!!!

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This is funny!!! U find this in Singapore.

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Singlish sux. lol

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hahahahahah... what is Singapore becoming.... oh my...

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my gahmen tinks we need foreign talent.. and the only foreign talents who are willing to come to this small dot on the map are only the cheenas... we are flooded with them. though i stay in little india, i tink the cheenas renting houses there can outfight the indians... welcome to little india cum little china

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I lol-ed at "palace explodes diced chicken"

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LOL love me some monolithic beef

anyway, how can you tell whether a person is a mainlander if you don't hear their voice cause look like a typical mainland chinese citizen too kenny

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Direct translation from Babelfish. Try it.

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well im not singaporean or chinese but i was in hong kong airport earlier this year and there were these 3 singaporean girls who kept yabbling in barely coherent singlish talkin about fakes and whatnot. bet they thought they looked sxc or whatever harking like that. embarrassing..

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You sure this restaurant exist? Or you are attempting to make a dig at Singapore? The menu, if really translated, should be referred to as Chinese English and not Singapore English. Your English ain't better so think before you poke fun at a country with people who can write/speak much better than you anytime.

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First of all, he is talking bout CHINESE ENGLISH who happens to be in Singapore. I don't think Kenny has any intention on bashing Singapore but Singaporeans like you, seriously need to chill! Some of them actually can accept the fact of it and takes it optimistically. He's just blogging something that he observed and too bad you're lacking sense of humour.

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Kenny kenny! Your site doesn't seem to work with Google Chrome! Help help!

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omg!!... what happens if a foreigner walks in and sees the menu?.. they'd prolly have the shock of their lives that sexual intimacy with vegs are provided.. :P..

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Kenny~ Can tell us where you found the restaurant?! I wanna bring my friends there and have a good laugh! hehee...

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Kenny Sia, u should have some respect over what the Singaporean would feel when they read this. Would you like it if people poke fun on Kuching and you know by heart that it's not Kuchingites who done it? I dont think OVERALL singaporean speaks or writes that way. Because I've been to SIngapore, and have nothing to say except nice thing about Singaporeans.

My advice, grow up. Find something more intellectual but funny to write about instead of poking unnecessary fun towards other states/country/peoples.

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y so serious? its just a joke la. obviously its not real. he's a blogger making interesting post, not a newsreporter. u shold grow up.

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I have to agree with some of the comments. Why are people criticizing others for their "not so perfect" English? Kenny may have brought up a something rather amusing, but I didn't think it was intended to start looking down on Mainland Chinese for their English.

After all most people who read this blog are Chinese descent?!

2ndly, it appears that a lot of people are writing comments with their "broken-native" English. Thus, not perfect - not good enough to look down on others.

A long time ago, Kenny showed a blog on someone who proposed to their girl friend & readers were making fun of that guy's accent in his English!!! For goodness sake, the majority of the readers are Singaporeans or Malaysians who have a VERY "UNIQUE" accent LA! And they were making fun of his accent.

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I agree with "Melissa Who Hates Provocation". That is not a typical Singaporean English. It is more a Mainland style. I have seen it other websites.
I also agree with "Neither Singa Nor Malay". This blog may be funny but we should not make fun others as we are not perfect ourselves.

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This is so embarassing, please let me know the actual address of this restaurant... Or can post to Stomp, so that somehow, someone will do something to stop these PRC from embarassing Singaporeans...

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damn dude..........why do they even wana put English titles there lar if they're not sure of it.........surprised to c such engrish in tis country haha........lmao

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Am glad i havent seen these in Kangaroo land yet, FYI, there are lotsa mainland chinese there, flooded with their ppl!

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OMG! This is freakin funny! I'm Singaporean and this is the first I've seen such a menu. ARHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

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Kenny, you really observe things well. Nice ! :D

www.ahmike.net

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same same but different

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Hilarious post !!

Unfortunately, there are some readers who really have no sense of humour & such straight square mind of criticising & telling you not to laugh at country/people.

Pls loosen up ppl !!

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Agreed! just have a laugh and chill!

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yup... they take thing so serious. talkin' about engrish kenny mention early that the culprit is prc ma.. cek around in kg. oso got la... thanks kenny u make my day. long time never laugh so loud liao... happy new year.

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Im a non Chinese speaking Singaporean and i hate (no offence but seriously hate) those PRCS in the frontline service industry!Why the F are they in frontline when they cant speak English for nuts?!This is not CHina!!I am sick of these non English speaking PRCs & am going to explode the next time i face anyone of them!

kennysia.com

Please don't explode the diced chicken!

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or rape any onions, burn any eggplants!

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& to those who have serious comments over this funny entry: Pls BUZZ off and not read Kenny's blog!

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uh, pot-sticker is actually a 'valid' term used by some for guo tie.

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I think i saw a tammy style there in the menu hmmmm...

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lol to those who got offended, kenny mentioned that hes referring to those mainland chinese english..why get so worked up? if you read previous entries, i'm sure you can find stuff more offensive directed to malaysians too..but if its meant for a joke..let it be! relax and have a good laugh =)

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ok read wrongly :P forgive my short sightedness.

but it's freaking funny the post.

to those people who are having hallucinations about this going to make singaporeans rep look bad or such.

lighten up before you get a stroke.

Life is too short to hate things.

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This is funny. Hahaha.. Chill out guys! take it with a pinch of salt. At least the restaurant got some attention now - probably their gimmick.... not. haha...

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"Rape heart green onions"

"Rape mushrooms"

-------------------------------------

Kenny,

:)

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Funny shite, kenny! :)

Anyway, IMHO, the title for this post is alright because it wasn't meant to shoot Singaporean. It's just Singapore's version of Engrish, plus he did not diss any Singaporean at all. He was pointing at the mainland people who did the translation. Cheers :)

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LMAO
cant stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"WTF?!" Cos u say all together say mah :p

but it's very funnyla. kinda hard to stop laughing :P but how was the food though?

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can someone please find something else new to make fun of mainland chinese?

singlish is just as bad... and

the comment about chinese women found in "luxury condo after marrying some rich Singaporean tycoon."

there are a lot more rich chinese (men and women) in mainland... try visiting there sometimes, you a-hole

what a lame blog!

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not singapore engrish lah. is PRC engrish lah. what is it that you dont understand that this restaurant is a prc-operated and not singaporen-operated restaurant? maybe ur understanding is also as good as this prc-operated restaurant.... but its funny nevertheless. rape fish. indeed.

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LOL..LOL..LOL..LOL...LOL Can't say anything more..

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the post is funny
what is more funny is that i tot singaporeans would be fed up with the majulah singapura translated quote instead they got fed up with some mainland english that they are not the people that have done this.

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Kenny , that GongLi picture is yours ? You forgot to watermark it :P

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Hahahahah! But the pot sticker thing is correct. Only the rest is wrong.

Monolithic sounds like some sejarah term I studied back in high school. MONOLITHIC COWS! I think they date back to 4000 BC!

And also, omg, vegetables being raped. That's worst than bestiality.

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f.y.i., the potsticker is actually correct. we called this pan-fried dumpling as potstickers in north america.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jiaozi

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No comment..I'm too amazed to say anything

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Definitely from China. Singapore has no part in this.
And by the way- not everyone speaks Singlish. It sucks.

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what the fark, thats chinglish my friend.

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Oh my god! this is so fucking hilarious!!!

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veggie pron...kinky..

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wow Kenny, your entry gets funnier as I continue reading... all the funny translation really makes my day!

Seems like there's more than 100 dishes on the menu, don't tell me all of them have weird translation? hahaha...

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oh ya lor hor... actually i found this prob too when 1st i been singapore. but thn i ignore them due to tired of shopping..

and hhaha.. it makes my brain blank when i wanna order for food at there..

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Good stuff Kenny. Made my day.

To all : take a chill pill. Just relax and enjoy this entry. Afterall, this is purely an entertainment.

Terima Kasih kerana memilih Kennysia.

Been reading since i came to Uk...hehe

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FUCK YOU KENNY N FUCK YOUR MOMMA TOO

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HA!HA!HA!DAMN FUNNY! HAVE A VERY NICE DAY & HAPPY CNY!

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Don't you think your title and your content contradicts each other? For goodness sake, Singaporeans do not have such horrible standard of English. So offensive.

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I do not think this is offensive. Singaporeans are more offensive then us. This post should be big and read by those kia su Singaporean.


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your english is so atrocious i rather you don't reply at all. :)

which also reflects that who is worse at english.

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wuahahahaha
direct translation really made me laugh non-stop..
pot-sticker, i will tear the sticker on the pots later. haha

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FYI, those are really called pot-stickers in english.

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Yeah, very funny. Not.

The menu CLEARLY says "pron". I don't know how you got "porn" from that. Keep tryin'!

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oh my God.. i'm a Singaporean. that's such a disgrace.. but i'm pretty sure it wasn't written by a Singaporean! Are you sure it's a restaurant? Or just some.. run-down food centre? What's up with the boss and manager man. *slaps forehead*

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take it easy guys.the restaurant just wants to entertain its customers.no offence meant. V See,Peace!!!

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I personally don't think it's REAL funny but thought it came rather late? Haven't you guys heard bout such stuff over the 2008 olympics period??? There was a big hoo-ha over on news!!

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Kennysia u are a fucking idiot with no life.China people in Singapore are NOT Singaporeans so don't associate their mistakes with ours.
In any case the average standard of English in SG is a million times better than yours.Loser.

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Read the title please!!!!!

That's why Kennysia said " Singapore Engrish " not " Singaporean Engrish".

You're way too harsh man. Chill

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lol idiot

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I've been to Beijing once, the restaurant menus there are exactly like the ones here, with "the palace explodes the diced chicken", "roasts the package", and all the other really hilarious stuff. So, most probably they brought their menu from home.

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wulala
its useless for you to shout and bark at here , Kenny prepared for these before he post all these things , comment sense a little bit la please.

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Yea..in singapore you can from washing toilet, uni students, hawker centre selling hainanese chicken rice, massage spa, shell stations, mediacorp artiste etc... Quite pissed off to see them!!!

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I never get tired of laughing at such cases of English being mangled.

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the post is less funnier on a reddish background...urgh the letters are not contrary to the background now!

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erm ok it's fine now:)

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where's the restaurant.. i'll do them a favour and tell them their mistake man....

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You sure it's in Sgp? OMFG.
Even so, most prob it's in Geylang area. It's getting flooded by those cheena piangs!

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aiyo *smacks forehead*
gone case liao man!! no face alr la!! this kind of engrish on a SINGAPORE menu??!?!?!

W.T.F.

how embarassing sia

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why the personal attacks? it's about the language used, he wasn't mocking singaporeans. he wasn't even talking about singaporeans -.-

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Oh Kenny you hit the jackpot! You must've been gleefully snapping those translations! Eggplant burning was hilarious!!

I had encounters with bad engrish too.. had some old posts about them. Check 'em out when you can.

http://btwn4ears.blogspot.com/search/label/Language

cheers

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hahahah.. i cant stop myself from language, almost fall off from bed :) which restaurant is this in Singapore? Eager to find out.

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WAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA OMFG Im dying!!! This is too much!!! *dies laughing* xD

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omgosh...so freakin funny..lol..xD rape mushroom...*rolf*

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my favourite is the gong bao ji ding!!

shizers...in singapore???!!!

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jiu ming ah...save my wife(life)!!!

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I'm utterly embarrassed.

UGHHH PRCs -.- Don't ruin Singapore's reputation! Really, just leave the translations out if it's beyond you. Use pictures... Or something. Just don't disgrace us!

Oh yeah, Singlish =/= Engrish. Please.

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HAHAHAHAHAH! I'm laughing loud enough to wake my neighbours!

GILER EPIC! But oh well you can't blame them for trying a little bit too hard.

ROFLMAO!

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To all the Singaporean PRC-haters here, do you seriously think you have excellent linguistic skills to even laugh at others? I bet most Singapore-born Chinese can't even finish a complete sentence in mandarin without referencing an english word or two. What makes you think your "singlish" is any better? If we can show tolerance and respect for westerners learning mandarin, why can't we do the same for our asian neighbours learning english? The post takes the mickey out of poorly-translated menus, same deal as when you laugh at the next caucasian sporting a nonsensical chinese tattoo who didn't know better. It's just for laughs people, not stir up anti-chinese sentiments....

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....... and I thought ur comment on aud's blog is lame enough

hahahaha no la this one is quite funny ! I laughed.

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i know 188 people have already said something or another about this blog but i have to say i really laughed until i cried when i read the menu. I think it's a good laugh, but still sad that this restaurant's management willingly allow such representation of the restaurant. an embarrassment even to the PRC.

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The last one printed as “Beef Joss-Stick Pron”, not “Beef Joss-Stick Porn”.

Too much "porn" going in your mind :)

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Do try to avoid stereotyping, as your following statements seem to suggest you do:

a) ...or "even" in a luxury condo "after marrying some rich Singaporean tycoon."

b) ...It is very different from the situation here Kuching, where the "only place you can find Chinese nationals, is in a foot reflexology!"

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LOL....i thought i only get this in China each time i visit...now I just need to go home & get the same entertainment :p

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eh don't laugh at us, singaporeans.
your country isn't any better. tsk.
piss off.

kennysia.com

I didn't laugh at you Singaporeans leh.

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On behalf of my uptight, damn-stressed fellow Singaporeans... i apologize. lol.

I'm a Singaporean and i don't find it offensive.

It's just a fact that such things are happening here in Singapore with the increased number of China nationals..

it's not like you would insult us, right? right?
You love us! ;P

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No wonder you are fat and ugly. God must have deemed it that you deserve this turn-off punishment.

Now why do I say that?

Even an idiot can see that you do not have the capabilities to differentiate Singapore-English and China-English.

But so what if the China-English is bad? The merit in this episode is that these Chinese have what it takes to go ahead with the changes and embrace a new foreign language in their business venture. I'm sure your puny mind is not able to digest this piece of information I'm still going to give it to you nevertheless: Listen, this is how we Chinese survive the world wars - by living in foreign lands and embrace foreign things including languages. These Chinese include your ancestors from China. If you think your ancestors spoke good English and Malay when they land feet in Malaysia, you must be an imbecile beyond help.

Mind you, your ancestors most probably spoke not a word of Malay but still, they embraced a foreign language just like these Chinese folks whom you had just laughed at.

So what if they make a little mistakes along the way? They will learn and grow wiser. For your information, this is also how ABC (American Born Chinese) came about. You think those Chinese who flee to America knew English at that time? They made mistakes and fine tune to an eventual perfection in English!

I can understand God's wisdom on why he made you the way you are. You deserved to be a joke and an eye sore to humankind because - yes, you deserve every humaliation hurl your way and of course, your long awaited award of depression.

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Hey....shaddup lah!! You are no doubt fat and ugly yourself and trying to take out your life's misery on a blogger.

So what? bloken english means bloken english lah. If your life is bad, go suck a lemon.

By the way, to prove you are not ugly and fat, u must put your phone number, address, and photo here. Otherwise, you will be deem unfit for human contact due to ugliness.

"Ah Seng, go get my parang".

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kenny sia's groupie?
or kenny sia himself?
hmmmm...

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wow, u wrote an essay.
Just like other blogging made by kenny, its just a joke to entertain ppl. He makes fun of himself, his country and everything else too.. grow up.

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another moron.

it is for entertainment,not for some serious debate

take it easy sucker

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why so serious -.-"

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Eh c'mon lah, why bring in God with large doses of hate and vendetta? It's only a joke lah. Just like the Englishman, Irishman jokes - don't tell me these people get worked up everytime someone mentions the Irishman jokes. Take it easy !

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OMG chill laa. whats the big deal? lol he didnt insult singaporeans.

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pot stickers is an actual term. google it and you'll see.

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omg.. I'm actually embarrassed by these chinese spoiling the image of SG.

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I am ashamed

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No offence to the PRC reading this..but seriously, PRCs are invading singapore by the thousands man. See them in restaurants, red-light district (tho i dunno y some men like women who dont shave the armpits), factories..they're EVERYWHERE. WTFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

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No demand, means no supply lah. Dummy. Don't blame other people for your own hamsapness.

They are just there to satisfy the sexual appetite in the tiny red dot.

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Y r u calling me names? I'm just relating my views. It's true they're everywhere.

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I have to agree with the shaving of armpit. No idea why ANYONE would think of wearing sleeveless tops with unshaved armpits.

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ya la! can't stand their armpits!!! LOL!
And talking loudly in trains in their native language. Trying to prove to everyone they've got a mobile.

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LOL. i just had to LOL at this comment. Trying to prove they have a mobile. Classicness!!

And when they raise their hands to hold the railing and allow us to inhale their sweating armpits in the bus/train! Woohoo! Totally orgasmic, i tell u! ;o)

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Mind telling the name of the restaurant?? I wanna go seeeee!

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LoL Interesting xD

Someone took this post as a forward mail ler..

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I remembered that the pan fried dumpling are also called pot-sticker back in US... but we don't get any of the other beef joss-stick porn in the states... hahaha....

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i was wondering. why do people who wants to put on negative comment bashing Kenny would never put their site/email etc.. Chickens

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i thought this kind of jokes would only appear in china..

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Pot-sticker is a legit English word. If you want the more common term for it, it's gyoza.

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for a good post kenny i shall dedicated a post for u!!check it out...she is the one for me and u!

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spot my engrish?haha

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watafak???

wakakakakka!!!!

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Kenny , your new CNY layout is making fool of everyone , LOL !

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Hahaha....screw those dumb singaporeans and their fucking lousy translation

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but wth do you mean by "screw those dumb singaporeans and their fucking lousy translation"?

We're not even the ones with the dumb translations!

get your facts right, enculez!

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"Man, us guys are such wimps these days."

yeah sure they did. and those korean/japanese actors couldnt be more effeminate to win over girls heart.

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LoL... Why everyone is taking this so seriously I have no idea. If one doesn't like the post then why the hell did one loaded up this blog in the first place. It just goes to show that we're jealous and we're proud that we still have neighbors who are still human and make mistakes.

But I just want to ask if these two sentence is grammatically sound.

"It is not offence in Singapore to have sex with vegetables.

They’ll tie the mushroom down on a bed, collect S$7.80 from you, then let you perform various sexual acts the mushroom."

or is it a joke I didn't get.

Bleh, Jokes aside Happy Chinese New Year.

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pot sticker is actually a common term!! I can't say about the rest though!

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singaporeans will always be singaporeans...

petty minded, small heart and intolerable...

singaporeans cant take jokes and always in defensive mode... sadist

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agreed. its just entertainment. Y cant ppl just sit back and enjoy..

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Stinkapore has lost their identity. I am not proud to be a Stinkaporean. :(

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you're probably a malaysian in disguise, lol.

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Oh please, those listed menu are comfirmed not made by Singaporeans.
If they were drawn out by Uncles or Aunties, that is explainable.

But since KennySia's BlogPost is about PRC.... You know you know~
GET IT!

=..=

Irritants.

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Kenny, think u are stereotyping ppl la. I am Singaporean and yes, sometimes I do get irritated by the influx of these ah tiongs in my homeland, but I must must say that not all PRCs here are poor or struggling to make a living. There are many rich China ladies here who are rich coz they are and not coz they married a Singaporean tycoon. I know coz I came across many in my line of work. Anyway, I am utterly disgraced by the menu (by the mere fact that it appears in Singapore!).

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ooommggg~
i've never seen such thing in SG really.
I WANNA GO to that restaurant! hahahaha
ohman~

let us know where is it leh xD

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SINGAPORE HAS BECAME A FCKING CHINAPORE.

goodness gracious. tsk tsk.

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Walau~
Joss Stick Beef!!!
Did you try it Kenny???
Nice? XD

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Should heck out the Indian restaurants in Singapore too, especially near Tanjong Pagar, or Moti Mahal, they're so full of Chinese Nationals, it's hilarious even to order roti prata from them or Soup kambing...maybe this can be another blog idea for you KS.

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Kudos to Kenny. Imagine going into a western restaurant and the Chinese waitress can't understand a single English word I said (mind u it's English, not Singrish). I ain't thrilled about my birthplace overrun by China chinese... And that goes to other nationalities as well. Not that I'm biased, few of my friends are foreigners, just detest those who think they own the place. It ain't difficult to learn to a bit more modest in someone else's home.

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hahhaha that was very funny!

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hahahahas!!!!! hilarious! i have never seen these direct translations in singapore before!!! where did you find them?!

and kenny, shouldnt the "nian nian you 愚" in your blog layout be --> 年年有"余"? :D HAHAHA!

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damn it!!
wat kind of english is it..

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wah piang.. sibei lau kui *runs away*

dunnoe what is the marketing / chinese translator doing sia..

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this is funny!
good one!!!

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This funny? Nth else to write? Sau pei la fei hai.

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I think there's one in Kuching also wrote similar engrish but better than the ones you've shown :D

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It's probably a franchise of this China restaurant which is now famous throughout the world due to this March 2006 post - http://www.rahoi.com/2006/03/may-i-take-your-order/
Perhaps they made so much money from all the idiots who went there to have an actual look at the menu...that they are able to open a branch in Singapore. Well...I'd probably be one of those who would go just to have a look too!

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I think one of the bests is still "Translate Server Error"

lol

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Note that this comment is not to Kenny, cos to be fair, he has always taken a neutral view at things he blogged, though sometimes with sarcasm. Kenny, u rock.

I ain't proud to be a Singaporean, cos honestly I can't stand the general attitude of most Singaporeans here, but for those pips who posted here and insulted Singaporeans generally as a whole, u are already directly insulting me, so go fornicate a dog or something and take a look at yourself in the mirror, u ain't a saint or perfect either. So STFU.

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Wow this is the first time I get annoyed by Kenny post. To those idiotic comments laughing at singaporeans, you guy sucks.

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I think "roslyn" is right about the menu. It does make people to talk about it. They may be doing it on purpose. Mainland Chinese are very smart. They may be making themselves to look stupid on purpose just to get some attention in return?

BTW. I wonder if Kenny got paid by the owner to make this post. More advertising for the restaurant?!

kennysia.com

Err... it ain't advertising when you can't even tell the name and address of the restaurant in this post!

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I thought this only happens to part of China whereby their English proficiency is low BUT it's also found in de facto English speaking nation in Singapore WTF??!!

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Bro.. Saw u at summit.. when u were trying to stop the taxi.. hehe.. More careful next time when u try to hop in a taxi.. :)

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so ashamed of my country!!! all thanks to our bloody gahmen... this is what they chose us to be!!!

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Thank god there is no "America Pie" inside menu. Rape them...Hahahaha !

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KENNY KNN KENNY KNN KENNY KNN KENNY KNN KENNY KNN KENNY KNN KENNY KNN KNN KNN KNN......!!!

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Wakakaka.. Kenny!! That is velli velli funny!! :) :)

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i like this one "It is not offence in Singapore to have sex with vegetables.

They’ll tie the mushroom down on a bed, collect S$7.80 from you, then let you perform various sexual acts the mushroom.
"
LOL!!

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Don't blame kenny man. I'm sure he didnt mean to offend Sg in any ways so stop scolding him. And honestly there is an obvious increase in the number of china people in sg these few years. I don't mind americans, malaysians or whoever coming into sg but seriously, many, i'm not saying all, china people are real irritating. Eg, scamming people, breaking the law etc. Seriously ruining other countries' reputation.

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I don't think it's insulting Singaporean's English standard. But just something comical. Some people take it as a form of humor, but others find it offensive. I'm neutral, so no hard feelings. But I read the posts and some of them are discriminating against China people, which is bad. This has sort of turn into a racist-growing place ?

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Why are singaporeans getting so worked up/being ashamed at PRC English? I know the gahmen likes things to be prim and perfect, but don't you think such diversions in an otherwise monotone and sterile environment proves that we singaporeans are just like everybody else?
So instead of being so worked up about being ashamed at the atrociousness of the menu, or being offended by a Malaysian blogger, lets just relax and take it as a joke lah.

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We rape veges.

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Seriously for all those of you who are going "this is embarrassing for Singapore" "it spoils Singapore's image" blah blah blah, foreigners have just as big a laugh when they hear our oh-so-not-embarrassing-apparently "Singlish" (my Australian friend who came over sure did), so please don't get on your high horses and make a douche out of yourselves.

Sure this is funny and provides good entertainment value (and go read engrish.com/engrishfunny.com if you like these kind of stuff, I do when I'm bored) but I really don't see a need to bring up racist remarks inside a post like this.

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I agree with alex 200%.
It's interesting how Singaporeans (those who commented on this blog) are so sensitive & defensive.

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Don't you think that it is too generalizing it term it as "Singapore Engrish" ?

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I suppose it is too generalizing. From looking other websites with this sort of English. I agree it is not Singaporean Singlish.

Having said that, those who speak & type Singlish (or even Malay English La) should not look down on the mainland.

1. Most Singaporean are Chinese descent, thus same roots. So why make fun at your distant relatives.

2. You have problem with your own English.

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man... beef joss-stick pron... that's just hilarious :)

mind letting me know where the restaurant is located? :)

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! this is sooooo funny... I almost spit out my coffee when I saw this!!! This engrish is causing much anguish to some Singaporeans but my HK and Singaporean friends are laughing it up here in lalaland. Fyi annabel s, my Singaporean friend speaks perfect intelligible English. When she's reporting the news, she sounds like any of my white American friends with an American accent. When my Singaporean friends are among themselves, they speak Singlish with a Chinese accent. Annabel, I bet you are from the outback down under based on your language usage. Likewise, many will find your strine unintelligible. I guess you see yourself in those 3 Singaporean girls incoherent yabbling and are embarrassed by it. LOL. Myra

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i really don't think this was in singapore.. if you cant say the name of the restaurant, at least say where its located?

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Dudes relax, this post is just for laughs . I'm sure Kenny is not insulting Singapore in any way.

What IS insulting however, is the racist attitude some of these small-minded folks have towards Chinese mainlanders.

Stop embarrassing Singaporean education - the morale and manners kind, heh.

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personally i think the owner of the restraunt is trying to be funny. It is well know when china just open it doors this are the type of English menu you would find in China. Full of errors and "direct" Translation

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Omg why liddat? WHY?! I've never come across such bad English in my whole life living in Singapore. And you're not the only one that noticed the increased number of China pple here. I moved back to my old neighborhood just to get the shock of my life when 4 out of 10 people i bumped into were from China. (i could tell from their dress sense and duh, sharp Chinese accents...) I mean no offense to them being here and all but it's like, where have all the other Singaporeans hide?!? =_=" So now i have a bunch of rowdy China men renting the flat next door. They are always going topless and god knows why they have to talk so effing loud on their mobile phones in the corridor. scbsdhufg.

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eh must show restaurant name mar, if not how to read in person? btw, is the food... erm, good? :P

ps. PRC lools lor!!!!

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Omg! Such a disgrace to Singapore, where is that place?

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haha...singapore singapore...roar the lion roar...

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kenny, you never been to the US of A obviously. "Potstickers" is the right word for guo tie, you funny ignorant man.

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I'll favour Kiasuland Engrish instead the atrocious bastardisation of the English language I read and hear in M'sia any day.

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When I click onto a TV channel and some girls are yapping away in 'English', I know instantly that it's a Singaporean show. Why is that?

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I've got more of this crap collection here.. http://canyouspotthenot.blogspot.com

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hahhaha! very entertaining.
this post reminds me of Elyse Sewell's (ANTM season 1) blog.

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i think this post is quite true .
there are more and more ' cheena '
basically i think 90% of the singaporeans hate them too ..
no choice ~
there's no reason for singaporean to be angry . cause its so true !!! and we ourself (singaporean )know that the menu ( if exists )was written by those ' cheena ' not singaporean . they (cheena)are a 'bunch' of disgraeful people , polluting singapore . hate them !!!

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You are a jerk!

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i hate prcs who come to singapore and give both singaporeans and chinese a bad image. and yes, i DO feel that singaporeans are supreme over the prcs. china's citizens are soooo uncivilised they should just die.

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china sucks. I hope you are being silly with your comments. If not, you should live outside Singapore for a few years. This may give you a better understanding how Singapore is small in terms of size & culture & understanding.

In the context of this blog, you should go & live in the western country where English is the primary language. You may start to understanding how Singalish is accepted poorly by the "outside world".

I also find it rather sad that the modern generation of Singaporean Chinese are brought up to speak Singalish and virtually no Chinese from their home. These poor generation of Chinese do not have a proper language as their native tongue.

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Singaporeans or Malaysian Chinese = descendants of our chinese ancestors.

If you point one finger towards others, you have four fingers pointing towards yourself. Let alone those PRCs. They are just looking for a living. This is just a joke. have fun

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no worry kenny..only those makan cili ada rasa pedas....ha.ha.ha..

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dudes.. haven't it occur to you guys that its a deliberate attempt by the restaurant to be ridiculously funny

c'mon some of the translations are not direct and are way OTT to make it funny, not

*roll eyes*

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i think the comments are more hilarious than the original post...
To all the bigots who thinks their English is great - balls to you all~!

To all the the S'poreans who keep bitching about people who come here to make a living, STFU and stop being so insecure like some brats that S'poreans are.

And to all the M'sians, STFU as well because no one else in the world says ”几多钱“ except Chinese M'sians.

So read, laugh, and stop being hypocrites.

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Aiyah.... i think it's just some advertisement tricks la... hahaha.... joss-stick....explode chicken....rape heart.... hahahhaha LOL

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They call é”…è´´ "pot stickers" in USA. It's a common thing.

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wtf.... are you sure that's in singapore...?
OMG...

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After returning from Genting recently, my parents told us that the Chinese are seriously everywhere. The stops on their way to Genting, and the Casino and foodplaces in Genting.

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The palace explodes the chicken..mauahaha.. i dun think there is any stuff left after the chicken exploded.. :P where's this restaurant Kenny? i gotta go c it in singapore :O

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hey which restaurant is this? I wanna go sia~

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wahaha.
they just get the direct translate from a cheap china made Electronic Dictionary.
hahaha

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wat fuk the muchrooms>

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hahahahahaha! you know what's funnier than that screwed-up menu? Your comments. well done la!

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I hate cockroaches!

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH FUNNY!

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come on guys .. chill guys , i believe the writer have no intentions to fire up singaporeans. It is where he was visiting and he titled it that way. So if russell peters starts a joke bout singapore, you guys will start to fire him back and not laugh bout it. this is just for laughs. dont be so sensitive bout it.

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I find it funny, and totally not sensitive at all. Singapore may have high English standard, but not all of its citizens are "well" English educated.

Hoping Kenny would visit China soon.

Btw......no offence to Singaporean, its either their English sux or Chinese sux......either way =) ..........oh wait, i am a Singaporean too =(

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BWAHAHAHAHAHAH crap, stomach pain XD fuel consumption western lettuce!

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Didn't know that GONG LI got breast implant!

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Hahahaha!! far-out!! this is just what i needed to make my day! Hahahaha! couldnt help it la kenny.. hillarious at the same time horrendous, sadly!.. yes, im with u! WTF??!!!

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ITS THOSE FCCKING CHINA PEOPLE INVADING OUR HOMELAND AND TRASH OUR ENGLISH FCCK THESE GUYS

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Ha ha ha good one, may I know which restaurant was it?

This reminds me of another incident several years ago where "Hungry Ghost Festival" was translated to 匈牙利鬼节 by Tourism Board.

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Hi Kenny! My god your blog is the only blog which would make me burst out laughing in the middle of the nite like that.

I loved the part about tying the mushroom & paying $7.80 to try the different rape styles. Hilarious!

I'm a Singaporean, and hope u'll ignore those fellow Singaporeans who had no sense of humour and bashed u for the title. Can we all relax & just enjoy the blog post without bringing in politics & antagony?

Btw, pls at least let me know where this restaurant is near to (road name or nearby building?). Don't have to name the place. I really wanna go have a hearty laugh/meal there!

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Btw, those Singaporeans who had no sense of humour must have trickled over from XX's blog. Typical of her "fans" to bash ppl. Oops. :x


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Well, Sporeans are generally pretty uptight ppl and they always think they speak the best in whatsoever language... be it English or even Mandarin. I am a Malaysian living in Spore for many years. Funny enough.. Sporeans think that Malaysians are low class, kampung-fied people who can't speak a word of proper English and Mandarin. I was asked many times "How come I can speak English, since i'm from Malaysia? and they even asked if i learned my English in SIngapore...from scratch!?!". Shocking but true.. I was left speechless... Although this may not apply to all Singaporeans, but through my experience... there are many who feel tat Malaysians can never be better than them.. as they are the best.. even though they speak horrible English.. which they proudly call Singlish. Well thank god for speak good english movement, I hope they can help some of these poor sporean lost souls.. maybe they should also start a "Treat People with Respect Movement" as well.. :)

Kenny.. great post! :)

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sorry u feel that way about singaporeans cheezangel.it's human nature to generalise sometimes.kind of like how ur now generalising us as uptight ppl. it's a vicious cycle really

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Its important to accept one's mistake in order to grow and be better, and same applies to accepting your own country's society flaw.

I supposed when a Malaysian is condemned with regards to their home-country's politics, safety, police issues, our "lepak" attitude and etc...we accept the fact that these matters arise from time to time... and yes, we accept we are more of a "lepak" attitude compared to Singaporeans.

Although it is good to be patriotic, Singapore Gal, but for one to keep up with their country's growth, the people must also learn to accept their own flaws and improve to be better by accepting criticism. :)

Treating People with Respect... is something MOST Singaporeans should learn.... Because the problems I had expressed in this comment box wouldn't have happened if I weren't put-down by your fellow countryman just because of the passport I am holding. I am merely speaking from my experience..and what I feel Sporeans can do to be better.... that's all.

To learn is to accept my dear. =)

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well sometimes i guess it boils down to what kind of a person you are. i hold a malaysian passport but i have TONS of singaporean friends who doesn't look down on me.

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ROFLMAO
*deep breath*
Kenny,you made my day!

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Oh, please. The mistakes in some of your sentences (eg: missing prepositions, misused punctuations, poor sentence structures) do not exactly leave a good impression on YOUR standard of English. Not to mention the sub-standard "jokes" you tried to create from these pictures?

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Interesting, Chinglish is breeding in Singapore, i see :) The question is, will it affect Singlish?

What i am more interested in is - was the food any good?

cheers
ally

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That's pretty cool huh

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HAhaha! I blogged something like this b4 too! Check out my version..

http://jacqq.blogspot.com/search/label/Chinese-English

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you stupid man. pot sticker is the correct term what a dick head

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Ha...I laugh until cannot stand.....Hai

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I think they just use 'google translate' for their menu..I mean did they even checked the menu to make sure everything is ok before giving to the customers ?

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