I thought the government was gonna announce an election early this year. Instead what we saw was an erection.
In case you didn't get what I was talking about, apparently our Malaysian Health Minister did a Paris Hilton and appeared in a sex video tape. 60-year-old Datuk Seri Chua Soi Lek was caught with his pants down having sex with a young girl who wasn't his wife. The video was leaked and made into a DVD distributed throughout Johor.
Following the release of the sex tape, the Health Minister who is also MCA vice-president subsequently apologised and resigned from all posts.
Now let us just digest that for a minute because that was quite an incredible news to take.
60 years old. Health Minister. Malaysia. Sex tape.
That is just so wrong on so many levels I don't even know how to begin.
That naughty naughty boy.
I know Malaysia didn't have a proper sex education program, but I certainly did not expect our ministers to show us how to do it themselves. Don't have to be THAT generous, y'know?
The minister claimed that the woman he was caught having sex with was "a personal friend".
I used to think personal friends are those people you go out with from time-to-time to have Starbucks and then disappear all of the sudden when your birthday is coming close. I didn't know you could actually have sex with personal friends. Wtf I feel so cheated. Dammit all you personal friends of mine I want my money back.
In the end, the minister resigned and it was all over within one day. Morally, he couldn't have handled it any better.
Knowing what politicians are capable of doing, he could've demanded to set up a 3-man panel to investigate the authenticity of the tape. And then Nazri and Najib would come out and protect him. And then they would say there is no need for a royal commission. And then 3 months later they would suddenly turn around set up a royal commission. And then they would convene to recommend who to include in the royal commission. And then they would go to court for 10 months calling all witnesses to come forward. And then they will claim to give these witnesses free plastic surgery to protect them. And then they would say the government is very caring and listened to the people. And then they would give the Health Minister a promotion. And then they would blame the opposition for trying to destroy the peace and stability of this country and lock them up using ISA.
But no, they did not set up a 3-man panel to investigate the authenticity of the video clip.
Or maybe they did, but then they realised it's impossible to watch a porno video from start to finish.
Why? Because they kept ending up with 3 horny men and a lot of used tissues.
It's sad Chua Soi Lek had to go 'cos from what I remember he's one of the good ones. Like Bill Clinton, Datuk Chua Soi Lek is a good politician who has made poor personal judgments.
It was a set-up and he was "screwed". Still, I think he "cocked up". I can understand if he wanted to start 2008 with "a bang". But if you're bonking someone who isn't your wife, it's gonna be "hard".
It's bad enough to see someone involved in a sex tape.
What more a minister. What more a HEALTH minister. What more a 60-year-old Health Minister who is married with kids.
In all fairness, he could've argued that he was testing out this new sex drug. But of course he's better than that. Well, now that he has withdrawn... I mean, resigned, maybe he should endorse something.
After all, the old bugger did last 55 minutes on the bed with a hot young chick. Even I gotta admit that was pretty impressive for a 60-year-old grandpa. What did he take? Some Tongkat Ali Super Pill? Whatever he was having, I'll have two thankyouverymuch.
I have to admit I have not seen the DVD myself. Now that the police has threatened to act against anyone found to distribute the Health Minister porno, I don't think we'll have the chance to watch it ever.
It's such a pity really, because I have a feeling the DVD cover might look something like this.
I dunno man, who's interested in watching a 60-year-old Health Minister having sex?