I've decided to pick up yet again, another sport. This time I'm playing golf.
Like most people, I don't get this whole golf thing. I don't get golf like I don't get ballroom dancing as an Olympic sport or people playing 5-day-long cricket.
What's so fun about hitting a small little ball once, spending the next ten minutes trying to look for your ball and then hitting it again? I don't get it.
It's unexciting. It's boring. It's so boring I'm afraid I might fall asleep on the golf course until I wake up the next day with birds nibbling on my head.
But I decided to pick up golfing because golf is the unofficial game of the business world. Jokes about big men playing with small balls aside, the networking and social opportunities one can make on the golf course is quite invaluable.
Business moguls like Donald Trump and big shot politicians like George Chan all play golf. Considering the career path I'm taking, I figured it's probably better to learn the game sooner rather than later.
See I've been hanging out a lot with older guys lately. These guys are so passionate about golf, they virtually eat, breathe, shit golf balls.
And the guys have succesfully coaxed me into trying out the sport. One of them was even generous enough to give me his spare golf set to try out. Thanks!
There's only one problem.
I know absolutely NOTHING about golf. My experience using a golf club doesn't extend anything beyond hitting people with it in GTA: San Andreas.
It's gonna be very weird to use a golf club to hit a ball for a change.
So one day I drove down to the driving range at 2.5 mile for some swinging action. A tray of golf balls cost RM6.50 and it's good for people like me to fire some practice shots before hitting the golf course for the real thing.
I did everything my golf-expert friends told me to: feet apart, shoulders relaxed, knees bent, eyes focused on the ball.
I raised my golf club, and with all the might in my body, gave the biggest swing of my life. WHAM! I struck the golf ball, and it flew through the air disappearing into the horizon. Magic.
Or at least that's what I hoped would happen.
Reality is, I missed the ball by a foot and ended up looking like a monkey trying scratch its back. It's not a pretty sight.
Man, this golf thing is harder than I thought. Definitely not as easy as it seems on TV.
After what seems like an eternity of struggle, I finally realised where I went wrong. The other players in the driving range all had a golf tee to help prop up the ball, whereas I was just hitting it from the ground.
That's why I kept hitting everything else but the ball!
So I bought a cheap rubber tee from the shop, propped up the ball and started all over again.
Feet apart, shoulders relaxed, knees bent, eyes focused on the ball. Focus, Kenny. Took a deep breath, swing and WHAM!
The ball is there, but the tee is no where to be seen.
I hit the golf tee away instead. KNNCCB!