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Tuesday, 24 May 2005

XiaXue And I Are Getting Married!

Its not an everyday thing that I can claim that I am the source of every man's envy.

Today is one of those rare occasions. I woke up this morning, checked my inbox and found out from my readers that Singaporean blog princess XiaXue Wendy Cheng has mentioned me on her 8,000 visitors/day blog. I head over to her site immediately and... believe it or not, the very attractive XiaXue posted an entry on her site ASKING ME TO MARRY HER!
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Yes, XiaXue expertly executed to perfection 'The Blogger Method' in Sassyjan's Guide for Desperate Female Singles Who Still Want Eligible Bachelors

The Blogger's Method

Profess your love for him on your blog.
Write about how romantic/macho/hamsem he is.
BUT, say you know that he is out-of-bounds cause he's attached, but you can't help but fall for him.
Get your blogders/girlfriends to whore your Blog and make sure he reads it.
Again, let him think you are suffering in silence.
Men's instinct will naturally want to protect you.

Whoa! Executed to perfection!

Why did XiaXue choose me? She blind ar? Someone like XiaXue could've chosen that Alt-F4 wanker Jerry Yan, or that tiny-dicked elf Orlando Broom. But no. Despite me having three-layered cake on my stomach instead of her favourite penis veins, XiaXue chose me. Me, ME, ME!

Heck, she even dedicated the entire entry to me and gave me five reasons why I should marry her. Well actually, I was only featured in a quarter of her entry - the rest of her entry was about how pretty she looks. But hey, something is better than nothing right? At least she thinks that I deserve to be sucked.

Well... Actually she meant my bandwidth deserves to be suck, not me. BUT STILL!
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Anyway, according to XiaXue, one reason why I should marry her is because 'She Is Yoda'.

Now, I don't get it. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANNA MARRY SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE YODA?! Can you even begin to imagine what Yoda would look like in the NUDE? Wrinkly green hairy ass and all. MAN!



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On the night of his wedding, Kenny found out that his wife is not what he thought she's supposed to be.


I think our in-bed coital sessions is gonna be very ridiculous.

XiaXue (as Yoda): "Kenny sweetums. Horny I am. Fuck me you must!"
Kenny: "Yes, master."

*Undress. Kenny mounts XiaXue*

XiaXue: "Mmmmm.... Very nice that feels. Long lightsabre, you have!"
Kenny: "Thank you, master."
XiaXue: "Ooooh, fuck me harder my padawan! Use the Force! USE THE FORCE!"
Kenny: "Ohhh... Yes, master."
XiaXue: "Stop you must not! Cumming I am! CUMMING I AM!"
Kenny: "Hold on, master!"
XiaXue: "AAAAH!"

*BOOM! Xiaxue explodes*

Kenny: "Master?! MASTER!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Ok lah maybe its not that bad.

But there is still one problem with the marriage proposal though - I already have a girlfriend. But hey, let's assume a hypothetical situation where I'm still single and available. And XiaXue has indeed lost her mind and decided to throw away the rest of her beautiful life by marrying me. Holy shit, what kinda wedding that would be?!

This is where I consulted my crystal ball (conveniently located inside my pants) and looked into the future...



The Wedding

It is not gonna be a conventional wedding in a hall filled with people you don't know and ah pek / ah mah singing 'Ai Pia Jia Eh Ia' on the karaoke machine. No no no! XiaXue and I will be making history by holding the first ever Interblog-Wedding.

Sorry readers, xiaxue.blogspot.com and kennysia.com will be no more. Instead, the two blogs will combine into one brand new husband-and-wife blog site.
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I shall call it... SIA XUE! HAHAAHAAA!!



The Pregnancy

What's the point of getting married if you don't form a family right?

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EEEEMMMMMMMKKKKK!

Yes I know this picture has absolutely nothing to do with pregnancy. In fact it looks like XiaXue is sitting on the toilet bowl doing her number 2 business when someone barged in and snapped a photo of her. No idea why she's smiling so happily though.

I put up this picture because I remember fondly when I was very young and naive, probably around 5 years old, I asked my mother where babies come from. My mother, obviously trying to avoid explaining the birds and the bees and the male and female anatomy, simply told me that babies come from 'the mother'.

"But where? Impossible that the baby appears suddenly for no reason one bah!" innocent little Kenny asked.

"Ummm... it comes from the kacheng, dear. Just like when you pang sai."

"Really? So whenever I find my sai very big and very difficult to squeeze out of my kacheng, it means that I'm having a baby too?"

*frustrated* "Err... yes dear!"

The horror! Ever since that conversation with my mom, I cried everytime I had constipation because I thought I'm gonna create a mini-Kenny that's gonna drop into the toilet bowl and he's gonna die because I wasn't quick enough saving him.

I hate adults sometimes.



The Children

Now here's where the bad news come.

Although we had hoped that our child look as cute as Abbie or Jayden, that is sadly not the case.




Meet our future daughter, Wenny Sia.
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And out future son, Kendy Sia.
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One big happy family!

*sigh* I don't know, my dear XiaXue baby. But somehow I have a bad feeling that this is marriage is not gonna work out. Sorry!

2 TrackBacks

too much panadol = nonsense Read More

kennysia.com: XiaXue And I Are Getting Married! i don't normally read Xia Xue blogs or Kenny Sia's either. However, this particular blog from Kenny Sia is exceptionally funny. Must read.... Read More

120 Comments

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Good one! I have to admit I am not a fan of Xiaxue but this was still a funny post.

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Bwahahahaha! You're going to pay for this if we meet! My guts are on the floor...

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hahahah...good counter good counter!!! This post is definitely a killer LOL...thanks for laff, kenny ^_^

Cheers

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One hilarious+entertaining entry. *salutes*

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Dude, that Yoda Winslet pix is just SCARY! I'll never watch ROTS the same way again... :)

And the way your mom explained how babies are made is just brilliant dude. :)

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:) omgggggg..i'm laughing until there are tears in my eyes. Thanks for the treat, kenny! :D

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PPS ping of the year post, nominated it must be.

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lol...good one!

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HAHAHAHAHA!

Dude, that's fucking hilarious man! The Yoda dialogue is top class shit!

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OMFG :P That is off the wall.... Star Wars sex is disturbing....

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Hahahahaha.. the coital session is a classic! You outdid yourself again!

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Yea~ I can see many Desperate Female Singles are hitting on you with the Blogger's Method.

Do invite me if the wedding works out!

After all i am the Mother of All Desperate Female Singles~ whahahaha...

btw. I think Yoda is damn cute lor!!!

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My my, good looking children you have. ;D

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kenny kenny... hahaha... you keep outdoing yourself!

hilarious, you are.

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Sick f**k you are....hahahaha. Did it again you have. Scarred my mind you have. Keep it up you must. Blinded we all will be.

Hehehe.

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Man, Mr. Sia; how is it that you keep getting all the wedding proposals, man? There must be some clever secret that I am not exploiting! I bow to your silky skillz.

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Update: GODDAMMIT what's with all these people thinking that XiaXue and I are having a war or something?

Have some sense of humour guys. I'm just monkeying around and so is she. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to realise that, does it? I'm not pissed at XiaXue. As a matter of fact, I enjoy reading her from time to time.

Calm down. Relax. Breathe in, breathe out. Now don't take our jokes too seriously alright?

Sorry I should've told you earlier. I hope you can get a refund for your wedding gifts or something.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*

J Schnorng, I have no idea why I keep getting these wedding proposals. But I think that it has everything to do with the balls, mang. Its all about the balls!

Jon + bing + Jase + cynical-idealist, *bows* making people laugh is my forte.

NSDS3, guts on the floor?! Mannnn you watched too much horror movie my man!

eyeris, all I can say is DON'T USE THAT ON YOUR CHILDREN!

Jayelle, I've been told that I make people cry. I hope that its a good thing.

loonatik, nominatenominate

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I just laughedddd all the way through the whole blog entry.... (Can you blame me?) I was laughing at Xiaxue's this morning and laughing at yours now. OMG.. My cheeks hurt. :D But Yoda as Kate Winslet is a bit scary... cute but scary. I would not stick my lightsaber in anything that green and wrinkly.

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Seriously, if I ever need a person doing Photoshop stuff, you'll be the man. Dude, you should go work for website design company (pretty good business in Australia).

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Glad to know that you rejected her proposal.
The future kids photos are traumatising. I don't think I wanna give them angbaos during CNY.

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hilarious post! and yes... star wars sex disturbing it definitely is. =D

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this is the funniest thing i've read for a long long long time.

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Lucky you are. Marry Xiaxue you must. Yoda on the bed with body of Kate Winslet (?! looks like it's from the scene in Titanic) you must fuck. Cover the face with the pillow you can. Ecstasy you will feel still.

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Hmm...i read her entry...Its mostly about...herself? rather than marrying you? MayBe she is just using 'Kenny Sia' to advertise for herself. Hehehe!!

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Truly, the beauty and the psychotic only if there is something more constrasty. Easy now, before wrapping yourself around your balls senseless.

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ROFLOL

You guys are crazy!

Great post...

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Although I think I would make a better partner for you! Xiaxue it's not that great you know!

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haha...you're really good with this whole picture manipulation thing

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hahaha LOL you two are great!

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who is that girl anyway ?

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Great Post!! I was wondering wat would b ur reply....

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I want to be your son's kai yeh.

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Hey dude, tell Wenny and Kendy to put a donut in the toilet bowl before they pang sai, they can even paint the donut red and white like a lifesaver :)

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kenny oh kenny. what am i going to do about you?!!!

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Wau,

How dare THAT WOMAN steal my beloved, of all places, on her blog?

I also kena proposed in my blog one, you know!!

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LOL! That's so funny, but so salah at the same time! Bleurgh!
Virginal to me, Yoda no longer is. Banged by Kenny, Yoda has been.

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hahaha kenny, you're the best!

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HAHAHHAHA...Kenny you're such an ass! But imagine if you imported XiaXue into Malaysia...She'd start pinging PPS. Xiaxue becomes malaysian blogger!

I used to tell people to imagine Yoda, then imagine him naked. Not pretty

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If I ever become single I'm gettin between you and Xiaxue.

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U need to put some beard and moustache on Kendy Sia. Muahahaha. ;p

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kenny, adopt me

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This is so funny, that i cant stop laughing.. my mom thinks i'm mad now.. :p

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u 2 are atrociously hilarious.

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Was waiting for your come back, and what a worth while wait that was!! Well done! You're the best!

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Woah lau eh! That dialog will not get passed Censorship Board.

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*laughs*

Oh my god, I can't believe it!! Congrats Kenny!! Am I invited to the wedding reception?? What do you want as the wedding gift? XD

p.s. Hope your girlfriend doesn't take this post too seriously

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Hilarious. You are the best. I simply love your blog.
You are not the PPS "Neophyte Blog Of The Year", you are the "Blog Of The Year".

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u 2 are really funny, lol :)

love what you did for the pictures *roflol*

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hahahas. that is super funny please. LOL. i canot stop laughing. esp the toda part. hahahaha. rock on kenny!

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sad but true, with life being a bum i live to read your blog everyday. haha truely entertaining. man your hairy legs!!!

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This has my nomination for "Ping of the Year"!
(I just hope that naked Yoda is considered as "illegal"... 8-P)

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Hahahahaha...Kenny u are is the best!!!!

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nice one lar!!

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wakakakakaa!! that's so hilarious!! so funny!! so entertaining!!

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the Dark side is indeed strong...

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HAHAAH! i loved that yoda bit. well done with the rejection.
wicked brooks t shirt kenny

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you are damn funny and just made my day!!!

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Now I just came onto Kenny's site looking for something to brighten up my day.... and holy jesus what do I find I find something that blinded my eyes. Especially that nude Yoda thing.
Kenny, great way to scare away a female suitor! (p.s. I do hope you guys are just screwing around)

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aish, youre one hilarious fella. love this post!

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Since nobody said anything similar yet, I'll just sum up what everyone actually really feels.
NOOOOO!!!! WHY NOT MEE!!!!!!

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Sorry to heat that the wedding is off! But if you want to marry a blogger who is not xiaxue, check her out: http://notxiaxue.blogspot.com/

Shirtless even!

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this entry is HILARIOUS! im still laughing at it. hehh!

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Oh dear....

AsharEdith, YOU PROPOSING TO ME AS WELL?!

Linda Chia, I AM YOUR BELOVED TOO !? Its alright Linda. I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Cheng. Oral sex is not sex.

Lainie, YOU TOO?! BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A LESBIAN!


Kim, *GASP!* You have lightsabre also meh? Eh miss, only guys have lightsabres lah! Don't tell me you also have something that can extend to three times its original size.

CS, I was paid pretty good money writing software for ppl leh.

ShuYin, hoi! No angpows during CNY? Make my children feel inadequate nia.

gracei + chanel + Janus + Wilson + flamekid + crazy + lin + daphyy, thanks. :)

onelittletwit, waddya mean cover her face with pillow?! Mannnnnn, you just broke XiaXue's heart saying her liddat!

$$, XiaXue using 'Kenny Sia' to advertise herself is definitely not true. I think she's advertising me for free by making ppl wonder who 'Kenny Sia' is lah.

Pope, I'm the beauty. She's the psychotic.

lilyng, I express myself best that way. heh heh.

babe_kl, great at crapping, we are.

whoisxiaxue, oi where have you been living these past 5 years? Afghanistan?

whythisisnotavailable + whateverstreet + xin, I couldn't pass up the opportunity when she posted that. :) Thank her as well lah.

obiwan, waddya mean you wanna be my son's kai yeh. Cannot. You'll turn him to the Dark Side.

e, heh heh. Good idea! I might invest in some rafts as well.

minishorts, what exactly are you gonna do with me? *scared*

Shan, you made me sound like the bad guy who killed off Yoda.

Caleb, same same lah!

h.liew, I thought having hairy legs like that is bad enough punishment for him.

Carcinogen, err... if you don't like look Wenny or Kendy, I won't adopt you.

Jaschocolate, its ok. Your mom is gonna think I'm mad too.

Joe, Cannot get pass the censorship board ah? Neber mind. Just buy the VCD lah!

Lyon, I'm surprised Nicole hasn't broken up with me yet.

Adam, I always thought 'Neophyte' is a nicer way to say 'n00b'

steph, who is TODA?!

chrissie, eh not like you never seen it live before!

maggie, thanks I saw that. ;)

9, you know... "The Dark Side" sounded kinda dirty.

Nessa, hey you're back again! Stop disappearing Nessa! What's with you and Brooks? I stick to Nike most of the time.

Edmund, it sounds nicer when a girl tells me I've made her day... but you? ok lah. Can accept.

MercerMachine, oh dear... not another anti-xiaxue site. Its been done to death you know?

Randomshinichi, WADDYA MEAN WE'RE JUST "SCREWING" AROUND!?

Unregistered

THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. :D
FLIPPPPPPPPPPPIN HILARIOUS!

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i like the part when you say about sia xue.. man you rock!!!

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Dude ... I was about to compliment you, but I guess 20,000 other people beat me to it. Great work wit the pics. Remind me NEVER show you any of my pic AND piss you off at the same time. Grave consequences it would have... Yes ...

Anywayz, kudo's for bein' Malaysia's bloggin' answer to Xia Xue. Well, although you'd need to have a leg wax and boob implants to generate as much as hits as she has, I still think you're a good read whenever I come online. Keep up the good work.

Didn't realise what a Net celeb you've become until recently ... a friend of mine, coursemate too, came up to me one day in the library and said, 'OhmyGod!!! KENNY SIA commented on my blog!! OMG OMG OMG' ... I was like, 'okaaaayyy...I'd understand if Orlando Bloom dropped by your blog ... but what the-...'

Hahaha, no offences though. Shouldn't have compared you to that wimp. Jokes aside, you doin' fine.

And oh... her blog is called :: seasons ::,

http://summerautumnwinterspring.blogspot.com

A bit of promotion for her there. *Dilys, if you readin' this ... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA *

So keep the Jalur Gemilang flying. I'd say FUCK Singapore ... but I shouldn't be insulting the country of your 'wife'. ;)

Ciaozzz ...

-- www.ilovedags.blogspot.com --

Unregistered

Funny entry. But don't you think that if you marry her, your children may have yoda's heads instead of yours or hers?

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u are absolutely hilarious. was laughing my fbt shorts off! heheheheh. good post there! very good indeed.

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u are absolutely hilarious. was laughing my fbt shorts off! heheheheh. good post there! very good indeed.

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omg... This is so funny i nearly laughed my head right off... wahaha.. Even the pictures by themselves could have won an Oscar, best comedy category. This blog shall now become my homepage. :p

Dude, you got something going on here.. Keep it up!!! Look forward to reading more of your posts. :-)

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omg... This is so funny i nearly laughed my head right off... wahaha.. Even the pictures by themselves could have won an Oscar, best comedy category. This blog shall now become my homepage. :p

Dude, you got something going on here.. Keep it up!!! Look forward to reading more of your posts. :-)

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Man, the Yoda-XiaXue/Kenny lovemaking is just so totally hilarious! thank goodness i have my own office room. bwahahahahaha! great stuff!

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Fantastic photoshop skills... Plus, the languages was outrageously funny... Brightened up my dull day... Keep them coming...

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I wonder while making love to Yoda/XiaXue you were tempted to enter the Dark Side and cure your partner's constipation ?

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Funny,u are..
keep on the good work, u must!

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Dood you pwned xiaxue, I really enjoyed the article~!!!!!

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that's funny. :)

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oO haha...funnie shit you got here

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wha kao...er xin leh.. the blog...

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The horrors.

I will rip Yoda's head off.

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lol. great entry! ahhaha. had me in stitches!

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Good 1 there!!! She juz simply arrogant and behave like a bitch!

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Wahahah really funny, thanks for putting xx in her place. =]

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Wahahaha I like your children

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One good counter for da 'blog princess'... Really had me floored man... hahaha....

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*lol
very nicely done :)
one laugh fest @ xiaxue's then @ yours.
i think i've toned my stomach a thousand times more :P

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Was reading through and found you have a great sense of humour, definitely alot better than some of the... cretins you'll find in West Msia'.

They wouldn't understand half the stuff you post and probably write you off.

It's a shame some think there's some kind of blog war even when both parties say they're just messing about. Some people just don't get dry humour with having the *SARCASM* tag for them to see. -__-"

Great job, look forward to reading more.

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yeah...she deserve it..the bitch.....who she thinks she is......

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Yo man....this daughter of yours, is 1 bitch i would keep my hands off....

anyway, your so-called bitchy wife of yours.... is worthless...


laughting my ass off..

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singaporean girls dont go for credit cards anymore.
u can have a credit card but u will owe the bank money.
we go for men with COld Hard Cashhhh.

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You are bloody fantastic, Kenny. Extremely hilarious, you are. And damn, now I want to marry you too! Nothing's sexier in a man than a good sense of humour; oh, and wads of cash preferably (as you can probably tell, I'm a Singaporean girl, LOL). Tell Nicole she's lucky to have such an amazingly funny guy!

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You are the man! Show her your "lightsaber" ... !!!

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That's damn GROSS!!! Just looking at your picture makes me...

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Hahahahh

That was some funny crap.

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Very nice writing I must say. You had me laughing my way through the whole blog. Keep it up! I'll definitely be back for more!

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good stuff kenny!

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good one

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Well Kenny, you are so funny! Hahaha... Happy family huh...

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Hilarious!!!!!!! shit! your blog is great!!! i just found your blog and i've been reading for the past 2 hours! keep it up... and it's becos of blogs like yours that i'll never have a blog with my picture on it :)

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This is hilarious. Farnee like hell...

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This is hilarious. Farnee like hell...

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sorry to hear about your father's passing.
peace be with you.

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emm...just found out your blog lately...
am Kuching nang, but moved to KL already dont think will go back for good.
am i still consider as 'Yours Kuching readers' ?
nice blog keep it up :)

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Basket, I'm 44 from singkapor with 3 teenaged kids - walau, ppl over 40 cannot read your blog meh? My sis-in-law is a "chi-ban" from Kuching so yr stuff helps her not to be too "homesick"

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My friend told me about your web site and I really enjoyed it. Very nicely done. Very interesting!

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Malaysia boleh, waha! I absolutely loved those photoshopped photos of your children's uhh... uhh, hereditary features. You and Xia Xue look cute together, you know that?

Oh, and I read notablogger's post, and yeah, I do admit that you are a celebrity now, albeit an online one, that is ^_^ Doing Malaysia proud, and let's all support Kenny against Singapore now, people! LOL!

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this is one cool blog. u r the man! check out mine dude~~~

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this was so funny!!!!! i shd have read ur blog earlier!

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u mad crazy shit.... get a life.... i do not noe whether u really like this gal but get a bloody life all the things u do to get her freaking attention... u gotta be kidding if u ever marry her.... the world has gone crazy.... he dun respect her... dun even care about how she feel if she read this... 4 god sake mother of urs should spank u.... the devil shall see fit one day u lrn ur lesson... and he shall lead u to god and he shall banish u.... so we can have peace u MAGGOT *PUI*

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nb..u are gay..no shame

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HAHA

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funny

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Yes i agree with u this marriage wont work out cuz shez a beeyarch LoL =x

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FREAKING HILARIOUS!! Throughout the whole entry, I was laughing, especially hard when you talked about your mother telling you where babies come from...HAHHAHAHAHAHA

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OMG ! i cant believe that you both are gonna have babies at such an early age ???
where is the fun in that ?
no one night stands?
no lepakking around ?
What can u both do ?

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wahahahaha

so funny!

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free picture list sex animal animal sex free 'men having sex with animals'

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that's a nice comeback! haha u asked for it, xiaxue. u should've seen tis coming (oops no offense)
the funniest part here is the little, innocent kenny part.. and the mini kenny thingy cant stop LMAO

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That is really funny and u look good.

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dear ,

i am nafees vickey male 24 from lahore pakistan want marry with only singaporein girl can someone help me. you can contact
+923004986958 , nisha_nafeesvickey@yahoo.com

if any singaporein acctually want real love sincerely , loyality can contact i will marry with that forever can some one contact will be might be lucky

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