Welcome To Hell

In New Zealand, if you want to eat pizzas, you can go to Hell.

No wait! Don’t shut down this window! I wasn’t scolding you!
What I mean is… there’s this very popular pizza chain store in New Zealand. And it’s called Hell.

The pizza business is very competitive in NZ. With the dominating Pizza Hut, Pizza Haven and Domino’s all vying for the slice of the pie pizza in the market, the consumers are literally spoilt for choice.
Already, pizza prices are as low as they can get due to hellacious competition. Newcomers can only dream of making ends meet. To get themselves noticed, someone gotta come up with something different.

Even Hell has opening hours. Cannot anyhow come at anytime one you know?

Along comes Hell Pizzas with a pretty interesting concept that sets itself apart from the rest.
I paid a visit to Hell when I was in New Zealand.

This is what Hell looks like.
What the hell? Looks pretty normal to me leh. A far cry from the underworld of pain and suffering Haw Par Villa wants me to believe. Cheh, bluff people one.
But then I got a chuckle out of the brochure they handed out.

Instead of “Delivery”, they have “Deliverance”.
Instead of “All Rights Reserved”, they have “All Wrongs Reserved”.
Their hotline number is 0800 666 111, and they call it Hell Emergency. (“666” is the biblical number of the Anti-Christ and “111” is the number to dial for emergency in New Zealand.)
Hell, even their pizzas are wickedly named.

You don’t get Hawaiian Supreme or stuff like that here. Instead, Hell has got a wide selection of pizzas, including a series named after the 7 deadly sins.
In Hell, you can walk in and ask for Trouble and no one’s gonna laugh at you. But if you do that in Malaysia, you’re gonna leave the shop with a set of broken teeth.

Amazingly, you can even order Holy Water in Hell.

I ordered a “Wrath” just for the hell of it, and it came in this kind of pizza box.

Hypersensitive people will look at it and go “WHOA! SUAY AH! GOT COFFIN ONE!” Actually, I find it very humourous.
Their pizza tastes pretty yummy too.

Best of all, when I finished the delicious pizza, the side of the box asked me to “dispose of the evidence”. Hehe.

Props up to the Kiwis for coming up with something so creative and funny. It makes me wonder if a similar concept can be brought over to Malaysia.

Behold, Hell Kolo Mee!

Hmmm… probably not. πŸ˜›
Happy Halloween, everybody!


Blog plug of the day: Monochromatix shows you how to do a traditional Halloween Jack-o-latterns… with my face on it. He calls it Ken-o-lattern. Now that’s scary.

118 Replies to “Welcome To Hell”

  1. Why don they create a place call Heaven pizza instead of Hell? Hell is such a horrible place…ugh.. but it’s pretty interesting tho. Hope msia don hav such stall. Scares me lah.

  2. Do you have to put that photo of Kolo mee there? It never fails to trigger my cravings for wan tan mee. Pizza looks yummy though! πŸ˜€

  3. u know,i couldn’t sleep because of that stupid ken-o-pumpkin…
    I am making them to sell next year,cuz we don’t have halloween, I’ll sell at our chinese halloween in mid july….

  4. I recall the box folds into a coffin so you can keep the “remains” for another day. If you keep it for too long though, it starts to rot in hell. So Gluttony helps. Happy Hell-O-Ween!

  5. nice pizza from HELL! the Devil will love it =))
    wicked idea about HELL Kolo mee too hahax. Hmm.. let me guess, the joss paper could double up as tissuse paper as well? XD
    would u eat from the spoon placed above the joss paper o.O? =X

  6. haahaha .. LOL very funny hell pizza look good but hell kolo mee ……. malaysia never can have this kind of stall la

  7. Gosh.. You make me so hungry for pizza! Look at all the yummy toppings. If they open a chain in China, sure no business. Haha. Everything’s black.

  8. ThereÒ€ℒs no more pizza haven in NZ now.
    And if I am not mistaken HellÒ€ℒs pizza is a OZ franchise..

  9. er… Viv ur totally wrong. Hell’s pizza originated from wellington. the first ever hells pizza shop is sumwhere near victoria uni. i know cos i work in this shitty restaurant. love ur kolo mee kenny!

  10. You should place Don’t shut down this window!” before the pic la, lol…
    By the way, what music did they play in Hell? And how did the staff dress?

  11. Kenny don’t tell me you went to KY cafe, order a kolo mee and purposely put the hell note so u can take the pic Lol. Oh its from the funeral ceremony of your late grandpa last time.

  12. Hey dude, great finale.When I was in college, a Malaysian student wrote a cultural essay mentioning Hell money, the professor was puzzled ” Don’t you guys go to Heaven ? ”

  13. Wah, if you do that in Msia, everybody will slaughter u! Hahaha. Imagine going to a ‘hell’ kolo mee store, and order one ‘hell’ kolo mee, then they ask for pay. So, you know what you do? Pay with hell notes lor πŸ™‚ Hahah~

  14. Hell’s Pizza is the best!! Pizza Hut etc can’t compare. BUT… all important question for the guy who works there… do they do funky things to the pizzas behind our backs like picking noses and dropping the dough?

  15. i dun think it’d be damn weird to do that, as in bring hell notes n joss stick to a public area and take a picture of that. o.o I think it’s photoshopped?

  16. am a Hell Pizza lover which means am from NZ!
    seldom go to domino’s and pizza hut anymore!
    btw, pizza haven is replaced by domino’s pizza!

  17. Lust would be good…
    ROFL…
    anyway, u try bring e concept to malaysia n u confirm close shop one lor…
    cos asians generally more pandang mah…
    who wans to kena cursed?

  18. That’s my favourite Pizza Franchise when I was living there. Loved the Brimstone pizza. I don’t think the franchise will work in Malaysia la, too Taboo. Unless you call it UMNO Pizza

  19. Where exactly is this HELL place in NZ?
    I didn’t see one when I was staying in Auckland. But, the concept is damn good. Evil.
    Oh, btw, if you were to go to Rotorua, there’s a place call Hell’s Gate Thermal Reserve where you can experience NZ’s natural spring and volcano wonders. Take a dip in the hellish volcano mud spa for some heaven in hell

  20. OH MY GAWDD..! thats so damn cool, y melbourne dont have? then i could go there…. haha,+ very nice ending made this time, i actually laughed out this time.. best ending ever.. heheeh

  21. oh man..hell pizza vs the hell kolo mee in kuching
    using your website..im your ‘hell kolo mee’ will win. So, kenny go and open a stall and sell this ‘hell kolo mee’
    u will maybe make more money than the ‘pizza from hell’

  22. Cant get a pizza with mountainous topping of ham here in Malaysia unless you make it yourself…. sigh…. That was what I love about the pizzas from the mamma and pappa’s cafe in Australia…. never even ventured into pizza hut, pizza haven or dominos cos the amount of ham in those chain ones are miniscule.

  23. muahahahha….i wudnt want a kolomee like that… i’m a typical kuching-ite, a typical kolomee lover..
    wish i’ll hv the chance to eat sumday at that HELL restaurant.
    nice day everyone!

  24. Ordering at HELL PIZZA must be weird.
    “Hello there. I want lust.”
    Also, how can you possibly comment about the food ?
    “Wow, lust tastes great !”
    HMmmmmmmm……… XO

  25. Man… like I’m not hungry enough, seeing these pictures makes me crave for one juicy slice myself… πŸ˜€

  26. Jo,
    Who’s ignorant?
    I just mentioned that the names are the same I didn’t say they took it from there. *shakes head*
    Damn tool!

  27. Surprised with NZ creativeness… Wish to try the delicious pizza there…
    Once you open kolo mee stall, I’m sure that many “lam mo loh”(chinese priest) will visit your stall…hehe..

  28. i’m studying in NZ, and Hell’s pizza tastes heavenly~it’s pricier,but sure worth the sinful indulgence..they even have dessert pizzas with blueberry and choc topping, how awesome is that!

  29. happy halloween may ur day be filled with scaring little kiddies and stealing their candy…cute pizza boxx…coffin…remains…hah

  30. haha! it was just in the news today–hells pizza dumped condoms with the hell pizza packaging into people’s mailboxes, and this kid found them, the mom was annoyed-lovely advertising:pizza AND safe sex..and apparently burger king is trying to buy hell.

  31. Sigh.. Homesick… mmmmm…. Did you try BugerFuel when you were in NZ?? there is a buger called “Ring-Burner” bet you can imagine what that does to you.. πŸ™‚ But there are great Char Kiew Tiaw, and Kolo Mee too in NZ! πŸ™‚

  32. I wish I’ve been to New Zealand. I will surely try Hell out. Did you go anywhere on Halloween? I am your new reader. I manage to finish reading all your post in 2 weeks :p Cheers!

  33. 2 boring wif pizza hut in malaysia…bt i wonder ‘hell’ can get a license 2 operate in malaysia..wat d hell if i eat kolo mee wif ‘kim cua’ bside ne..izit 2 share my ah ah gong n ah ah mah favourite mee even i m eating it

  34. any of you know come from Singapore? Any of you if there is store selling kolo mee in singapore? Never eat it before, just curious because Kenny keeps mention about Kolo Mee. Please recommend good one. I am reachable at index.sg@gmail.com Thanks!

  35. Good one. Reminds me of my visits to the restaurant when i was over there in NZ.
    I love the whole place’s Halloween setting.
    Me and my friends usually tear off the box and fold it out into a coffin and place a piece of pizza for our friend who can’t join us for the pizza. Hehe.

  36. Haha, good experience for you Kenny.
    Next time you’re there, you should
    try ‘Purgatory’ and Cajun Wedges.
    A personal favourite.

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