The Latest Fad In Beauty Salons

People are so desperate to look good nowadays, they are willing to believe absolutely anything.

A simple flip through local newspapers post-Chinese New Year shows that almost HALF the advertisement spaces are taken up by companies like Mrs Marie France, Miss Bella, Mr Svenson and the likes.
I am so touched. I don’t even know these people but they are so concerned about me that they wanna help me look younger, lose weight and grow hair. So caring!

Of course, the beauty industry is not stupid. They are happily taking advantage of the situation, cleverly turning people’s insecurities into a multimillion dollar business. They also boast some of the most ridiculous technology I have ever seen.
I mean, Xenon Pulsed Light that’ll diminish wrinkles by activating fibroblast cells with Short Infra Rays? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
Give me a break! If the words of these companies are anything to go by, then wrapping your body with aluminium foil is gonna make you lose fat and zapping your face with lasers is gonna make your wrinkles go away.

So I tried zapping my face with lasers, but the results didn’t turn out what I expected.

And now, after skin care, weight loss and hair growth, the latest innovation to come out from the beauty industry is the boob-growing industry.
I’m not joking.
Take a look at this ad, taken from Singapore’s Straits Times newspaper.

With an ad like that, I am almost convinced to wanna grow boobies too.
Oh wait, I already have man boobs. 🙁

Just look at it. In big bold font, the advertisement asks, “IS YOUR C-CUP CLEAVAGE REAL OR JUST PUSHED-UP?”
But here’s the kicker.
When this company tries to describe the way they use to make boobies grow rounder, this is what they say.

Massaging your boobs with essential oils is gonna make them rounder and firmer? Seriously, who’s gonna believe that crock of bullshit?
If it were really that simple, I might as well just quit my job and open up a one of those beauty salons.

Then I’ll tell those women I can help them get bigger rounder boobs by massaging them with my essential oils, and I’m gonna charge them a lot of money just to see me.
And when they step through the door at my consultation room, this is what they’re gonna see.

I can make money, I make women feel good about themselves and I get to massage their boobies.
Who wouldn’t want this job?

I think I went a little bit overboard this Chinese New Year. In the past 2 weeks that I have not watched my diet, I gained back a hefty 3 kg.
Anyway, I’ve just returned from Singapore today.

133 Replies to “The Latest Fad In Beauty Salons”

  1. hey… besides massaging my boobs…can you massage my pussy…then i’ll return the favour back… i’ll massage your c*ck..with both my hands…and my mouth if you prefer…

  2. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha… I have to control myself not to laugh so loud. Damn funny. Hehehehehehe. Keep it up Kenny. When u bukak itu kedai kasi boobies besar, bila saya boleh buat appointment? Wakakakakakakakkakakakak

  3. I was just get fired from my local massage yesterday,
    if you need any workers I can help you..
    and one more thing, just fed me three times a day and I willingly do the job FREE!!!! 7 days a week..

  4. hey. first of all. the marie france and other slimming centres DO work. and that the aluminium thing does cos I know someone who did it.
    but the rest.. I suppose that they are bullshit but hey! people gotta make a living right? 😉

  5. your blog nowadays are really not as interesting nor funny as it is used to be..too busy? but ‘mistakes’ is really good.

  6. I can’t believe that you actually pay attention to such lame ads in the papers! I bet that you noticed the pictures of the boobs first before the content, hahaha…
    I think that you have successfully cemented your status as a lao tiko!

  7. Call these “stupid” people whatever you want because these “stupid” people are everyday people walking around you and me with insecurities about their looks.
    Its not only for girls but guys too with propecia, rogainne, svenson, yun nam, just to increase our self esteem. The thing is, you or i might be able to be free of some of these problems but tell me will anyone be so liberal with their words when these “stupid” people happen to include your mother/sister/girlfriend/wife ?
    Other than that, good joke kenny 🙂

  8. EEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~~~Guang NI Hao Huai aaa………………
    YOu wanna massage boobies so much meh???……………then come Taiwan massage mine lor…..muaks muaks I really luv ur song arrr tong hua so touching……….muaks muaks muaks….~~~~~EEEEEEE~~~~~~*BLushing*……..~~~~~~~Boobies getting ticklish~~~~~~~

  9. Hehe – that’s hilarious. I only hope that the employees of that company are either male, young and goodlooking, or female. I’m not sure many women would want some weird old man massaging their boobies!

  10. I’ve been to normal oil massages (for relaxation, not to make my boobs bigger) and was asked if I wanted my boobs done. I said what the hell …. and I must admit it was good.
    They were very professional and it felt amazing having my boobs massaged in a gentle, soothing, systematic matter. Unlike when you get to third base with a guy … guys generally have no idea when it comes to fondling a girl’s boobs.
    So I did find my boob massage quite envigorating. 🙂 And no … I didn’t get wet during the process.

  11. GOD……………………..
    Yeah.. most people who read this got the idea of eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek 0.0 yukkkkkkk.. rub dick with essense all day and make it bigger, ok thats againts the point..
    i wonder how women feel about this so called, treatment…
    its very weird….
    if they say, massage your dick u wont think its right, so what about what women thinks abouy massage their boob.. same same isnt if if u reallly think about it..
    except boobs is just stereotype so ppl thinks its a normal thing…
    its so sexist.
    fucking weird adds duah..

  12. those slimming centers really do work ok. its just that they charge a bomb!
    and the boob massage thing tricks customers because it actually seems to work. after massaging for 30mins or so, the boob swells thus giving the impression that its actually bigger. goes down after a few hours tho.

  13. Posted by: Anon at 27 February 2007 3:57 PM | Link to comment
    EEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~~~Guang NI Hao Huai aaa………………
    YOu wanna massage boobies so much meh???……………then come Taiwan massage mine lor…..muaks muaks I really luv ur song arrr tong hua so touching……….muaks muaks muaks….~~~~~EEEEEEE~~~~~~*BLushing*……..~~~~~~~Boobies getting ticklish~~~~~~~
    wow someone still thinks your guang liang lol

  14. Hey Kenny, I’ll work for you for free! Plus you’ll find out that I’ll do OTs and am an extremely enthusiastic about my job!

  15. Hey Kenny, no wonder the chick like you, eh. You are the typical rogue male, eh (and I mean this in a good way, eh). But if you have man boobs, eh, there is like this “bro”, eh (a la Sienfeld, eh) you could use, eh. How do I apply for the boob massage job , eh?

  16. too many “dirty” entries. Enough already! But do appreciate your sense of humour nonetheless. Maybe you would want to write an entry bout the just concluded oscars??.. 🙂 keep it up dude..

  17. rofl… you look so horny kenny! anyway who wouldn’t want this job? and which idiot girl will pay so much to get molested? high supply but no demand… hmmm, not a good idea…

  18. haha.. nice ads.. nowadays peoples are getting more MATERIALISTIC(i hope i spelled correctly).. but hey, since when boobies becomming an asset? (hey my boobies worth $x000)???

  19. eh kenny… u slam those beauty salons saying that they are a crock of bullshit… but what if tomorrow one walks up to ur doorstep and offers u money to endorse their products?
    hehe. wil u change ur tone then? 😛

  20. dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqwtttttttttuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhhakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkakkk

  21. dude…what are singaporean ads doing in malaysia?!? actually here in SG its damn popular la the slimming ads but they are not so direct as to go into the C-cup thing. however this kinda thing the catch is that if you stop going ur boobs become smaller thats what i heard

  22. What the heck boobies joke can tiba tiba link to “Chinese” / “Dogs and pigs”…
    If you can’t take the joke, F*#k off Lah

  23. Oh gosh, the last picture looks so perverse 😛
    But really, I dont think that using things like girdles, corsets, push up bras to enchance the figure is anything wrong.
    Some people might think that its deceptive, but I think its a safer way, not to mention more economical rather than spending money on all these treatments.

  24. Wow KEnny Fucking Sia YOu darn Perverted ass hole……….Post something like this not funny ohhh……..I wont have my precious boobies touched by someone with the likes of you…..
    EEEEEEKkkkkkkkkkkkkk Kenny Is a MOlestor……….
    BUt I do agree on the slimming ad’s to be loads of bull though…..
    Cuz ther only reason why you slim down when you visit them is they stave you ask you to eat med’s then wrap you up like a mummy so you sweat……..butr after you stop you go back to eating normally and you stop the med’s then you gain back your weight……cuz when you undergo their so called programe you payed good money so even if they strave you you will follow but once its over you go back to being your old self and you gain back the pounds…….sometime even more… happened to some ppl….

  25. Elly, you don’t need to choose Kenny if you want..
    you can choose me, or other handsome guy who work there, but before we do an appointment we need to see at least your half body picture before accepting your application
    sorry to make it so hard and uncomfortable,
    but it is part of our “Kennyssage beauty center” rules and regulation..

  26. Actually Marie France does work. But you have to spend five figures (in total over a spread of time) to see definite and lasting results. I’ve been their customer for the past 3 years so I can vouch for that. Of course adverts sometimes can be a bit “kuah chang” but that’s what they do, to attract your attention. Please don’t make sweeping statements unless you have tried out the products and services yourself.

  27. it’s kinda scary what if the stuff really works n yr boobs start to grow bigger n bigger outta control… LOL =SS

  28. all the sudden kenny has become a sex god or something. look at all these giels ‘permiting’ or ‘begging’ kenny to *ahem* boob massage them. interesting.
    i wonder if it was from the maggi mee video

  29. to ali n response..don’t be too childish laa..ok..don’t play2 with this races thingy… the way kenny..ur so funny..i can’t believe it’s u…well..hhahaha..can’t keep my mouth shut oledi..

    I’ve always thought all this to myself too, and wondered how idiots actually get pulled into it!
    Good on ya to slaps those stupid girls awake.

  31. wtf!!
    Joke of the century..
    When u earn enough money.. please support breast cancer.. cause massaging boobs can prevent cancer.. and you can also detect if there is a lump which leads to cancer.. 😛

  32. You know anot? One time I was by chance being pulled into a slimming saloon (U wanna noe which 1?). The first thing they wanna suck is not my boobs, it’s my CASH & CREDIT CARDS!!
    She invited me into a cosy room, served me drink and interviewed me if I’ve ever tried other slimming services.
    I said “Yes”. Then she asked if I still continue. I said “No”. “Why not?” “Bcos they are sucking up my $$$ and I don’t see results!”
    Then I continued before she could interrupt:
    “I know what u’re gonna tell me next..
    u’ll offer me a package which cost a big lumsum of RMxxxx and then u go..oops, I think if I’m not mistaken, dis promotion offer last today. So no time for me to think, u want me to sign up and swap my card immediately NOW!! If I were to come back 2moro, no more promotion price for me, am I rite, bitch?!”
    Hahahaha!!!!..I left her speechless for as long as I walked out of the door. LMAO!!
    Don’t think I’m an idiot who falls prey to your so-called anonymous slimming lar..
    I’m chubby and my bf loves it so much so I dont wanna throw away my fats alrite, natural is beauty ma you asshole moneysuckers!!

  33. ITs singapore is like 20 mins away drom malaysia… wonder how long is breast enlargement is away from us…. OOOh goody – GUYs listen up send your girl friends to the first shop u see open on BOOB enlargement. Then in 1 years we can see hot asian boobs all around 🙂
    now aint that pucker ?

  34. seriously….im amazed…im truly amazed….i have nv seen a dog who can type…congratulation on being the world’s first swearing dog

  35. “patron” is really stupid loh
    wat for spend so much money when all u need to do is exercise to lose all the weight?
    oh and of course eat right.
    tsk people these brain de.
    dumb dumb

  36. wat if a transvesvite or transsexual comes ot ur salon? will u service him?
    u look very professional in that photo.
    ppl nowdays really do a lot to beautify..the pressure in Spore is crazy.

  37. was wondering if anyone notice this, did kennysia booked a hotel room for this post?
    I am sure he is in a hotel room in those pictures.
    I wonder why he is in a hotel room……

  38. hey, fellow kuching-ian here who’s now studying in singapore. its very true abt wad u said. i noticed nearly immediately tat straights times has ALOT of slimming/beauty ads. its very in the face, esp when all u just want is to flip thru the papers to find sumthing good to read and one cant help but notice all these irritating ads screaming at ur insecure and ugly side.
    anyway, just wanted to say tat fibroblasts are actually cells that produce collagen. and also, eating collagen is actually 100% redundant. collagen will get digested into those small protein units, so it wont b collagen anymore once it goes thru ur gut. so effectively u’re just taking protein pills.
    i’m a health science student btw. a geek, if u prefer.

  39. having fun in your KL sheraton suite is it kenny?
    heh. and i honestly don’t see how that photo of you in the massager Tshirt can actually make the girls comment that they are HORNY!
    geez. wonder what’s gonna happen if you are naked.

  40. 😀 ya man, you need to either a lady or at least a good looking guy to get that job through, or perhaps some ladies might want their video shot to gain viewership (since ur site is so popular) like some of the porno websites? 😀 But good attempt dude. And Did you book a hotel room just to get these pictures? 😀 or “Hi Im Kenny Sia, I’m here to take some photos for my blog. WOuld you like to be my first Breast Firming Client?” 😀 *Thumbs Up*

  41. All I can say it slimming centres only makes you loose water rentention. They will ask you to switch to their recommended diet. So even if it works then could it be the diet. The only way to increase the cup size is through surgery. Creams don’t work. To remove wrinkle, the most effective way is BOTOX.

  42. non other than cheating women parlors coz the products are NOT long lasting and will give side effects in the long run. Think before spending your dough. I used to work in one of the slimming ctrs mentioned… and am so not a believer cuz i know d products and they just spin and mix ard the treatments. If the products not ‘laku’ or expired, they sell it cheap. Kesian man.. i feel sorry for the clients. I do the job, not the selling when i was there. I so dont wanna be back in that industry.

  43. i wana go for those programmes too!!…but cant afford to go…so just keep the not-so-slim and not-so-fat me la..

  44. Hi Kenny, Grrreeat blog but… er.. do you any of you guys notice that some.. wait scratch that.. i meant most of the women here are kinda horny rite? like come on.. girls asking kenny to massage their boobies? wow dude.. anybody else here that feels weird?

  45. Its a singapore newspaper, and thats a singapore hotel room. Malaysian newspapers have Andrea Fonseka advertising for marie france. You can see the ads on Andrea’s website.

  46. @skyler_n
    If those are real girls asking for boobs massage, I’ll be really amazed. It could be some guys typing just to fool around. BTW, those comments could have been typed by Kenny himself. Who knows?
    Anyway, anyone having such thoughts could be just plain jealous of him. How many of us could write a blog about massaging boobs, and expect so many girls asking for a service? Not many, so I suggest you get back to working on your popularity.

  47. Slimming ads, you should see the ang moh ones. In Malaysia I used to see ads with “Before weight is 68kgs, and After weight is 45kgs”. And then I got to NZ where the Before weight is 98kgs, and the after weight is 65kgs. “Hin” ler… In Malaysia I’m fat, but when I’m in NZ I’m thin… very good ler… no need diet. Just change countries.

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