My Health Report

I find going through medical check-ups a funny thing.

It is like having a stranger ask you “Hi! How are you doing?” Except they actually lift your shirt up, put the stethoscope to your chest and really check how well you are actually doing.
It’s a habit of mine to go for a medical checkup once every two years. I take it very seriously in my case because of my family’s history of cancer. I’m not particularly worried about anything, but early detection is best form of defence, so better safe than sorry.

My previous blood test was two years ago.
The result came back confirming that I’m pretty much healthy, except my liver had too much protein. Whatever that means.

Two years have passed and I’m still feeling quite alright.
I’ve taken care of myself well this year. I don’t smoke, haven’t got drunk at all this year and spent a lotta time exercising and eating the right food. If I’m not healthy, someone better gimme a darn good explanation.

I went to BP Diagnostic Centre again for my medical checkup, but this time at their Cheras branch. Apparently the BP in Cheras are heaps bigger than the one in Kuching, and they also have different definitions when it comes to their “comprehensive package”.
In their Kuching branch, their comprehensive package is just a blood and urine test that costs RM270 and comes in a report only 4 pages long.
In Cheras, their comprehensive package costs a whooping RM1,000. But it includes not just the blood and urine test, but a range of physical tests along with all the bells and whistles and Christmas trees.

Just kidding about the Christmas tree. That one you have to ask from Santa.
But the comprehensive package was very comprehensive alright. So darn comprehensive that the entire procedure took almost THREE bloody hours to complete. No pun intended.
It was strangely fun though.

First they sucked my blood.

Next they took my urine, and placed it into a container labelled STERILE.
Meaning the container is sterile. Not me.
I’m not sterile.

Then they put me on a super-canggih electronic scale and measured my height and weight.
I am 165.5cm tall and weighed 83.3kg. According to the nurse, my BMI reading is 30.4, which meas I am officially classifed as OBESE.
Bloody hell.
After that’s done, she brought my obese ass into the waiting room. There I found something interesting.

Among the stack of magazines there, I found a copy of FHM with Miss Malaysia 2005 Chermaine Poo on the cover looking sexy.
What dangerous object to put in a blood testing clinic.
Later people get high blood pressure how?

My first physical test was a hearing test.
I was led into this sound-proof room and asked to put on these huge pair of headphones.
Then my mouth went “du-buk-chi du-buk-chi du-buk-chi” while my hand did the spinning gesture like a DJ.
But then the nurse told me to be more serious, so immediately I kept quiet and went through the tests with her.

Next, I was led to this other room where there’s this bizzare contraption for me to insert my head.
A camera inside took close-up photos of my skin and it showed up on the nurse’s computer screen.

I was shown how much wrinkles, pimples and black spots I have on my face. The nurse also attempted to sell me some face care products, which I politely turned down. After all I still got heaps of L’Oreal freebies after my embarrassing experience as a CLEO Bachelor last time. Hehe.
Those tests were okay, but it was the next test got me a little scared.

It was an ULTRASOUND test.
Apparently it’s an important part of the test because the doctor will check for unusual lumps, size or shape on my internal machinery without going through X-rays.
I was introduced to a Dr Wee, who asked me to lie on the bed and lift my shirt up. He then rubbed this KY jelly-like lubricant all over my stomach and put his scanner onto it.

Suddenly I feel like a pregnant lady.
It would be really weird if the doctor scanned my stomach and this image came up on screen.

WAH. Confirm I run away from the lab immediately. KY Jelly on my stomach and all.
Thankfully nothing like that happened. But the tests did get weirder and weirder.
Blame me for choosing the comprehensive test, because the doctor didn’t just scan my stomach, he had to scan other parts of my body as well.
And that included my kidney, my liver, my bladder, my prostate and my… testicles.

It was the most awkward thing I ever had to do.
For about 5 minutes, my naked hairy balls were staring at the doctor while he did his job.
To him, it’s probably nothing. The doctor probably said hello to few hundreds of different shapes and sizes of testicles everyday.
But there I was, lying on the bed with my pants down to my knees, embarrassed, freezing like hell because the air-cond was blowing directly towards my KY jelly-covered coconuts.
And all I could think about at the time was don’tgetanerection don’tgetanerection don’tgetanerection !

Luckily I didn’t get an erection.
Thankfully the rest of the tests were pretty straightforward. I had to put my feet into a machine to test my bone for osteoporosis and blow into this gadget that measures my lung capacity.
There was also this interesting physical test which involves me running on a threadmill that goes faster and faster while strapped on to a heart-rate monitor.

I felt like I was in one of those superhero movies like The Incredible Hulk really.
Except in my case all I could see was my Incredible Bulk.

I did the tests way back in October. After three weeks, I finally got my test results from BP.
The good news is, I’m still healthy overall.
The bad news is, my report card has got HEAPS more red marks this time round.

In short:

  • My red blood counts are too low
  • My cholestrol levels are too high
  • I seem to have contracted some sorta stomach bacteria called H Pylori.

Nothing that a few vitamins and antibiotics can’t fix.

And I really have to cut down on those butter sotongs to push my cholestrol levels back down.

The next ten pages consists of my physical test results and various images from the ultrasound scan. It was interesting, although I can’t really tell what is what.
The only thing I managed to identify was the ultrasound scan of my balls. Because I know what they look like.

They are really as big as coconuts.

Best advice I’ve uttered to myself unknowing : “Relationships should make you stronger, happier, better. It should be 1 + 1= 3. Not 1 + 1 = 0.”
That’s the kinda maths I came up with. And I spent five years getting a Physics degree.

116 Replies to “My Health Report”

  1. what happened to your so called blog ethical of mentioning advertorials instead of disguising them?
    [KS: This is not an advertorial]

  2. Lol you look very fit on the threadmill
    The test is called Maximum Oxygen Uptake and Lactate Threshold. This whole thing seems too complex.
    [KS: It involves heavily sucking in on the tummy]

  3. Apparently the H.pylori could cause gastric ulcers,my dad got them and the doctor pinpointed the problem down to the same bacteria… just my 2 cent’s worth from a pharmacy student, drink only boiled water and try not to eat food that is not clean ie. don’t eat at roadside stalls so often (hehe as if that’s possible for us malaysians) anyways congrats for having an (almost) clean bill of health! =)

  4. Kenny I saw you in KL PC Fair, should have approached you to sell my product but I was way too busy at that moment.
    Wonder who was the one besides you? πŸ˜›

  5. Hey Dude, in 20 years, the medical check up includes sticking something up the ass. btw, perhaps FHM is used in the fertility lab for sperm count purposes. Co-worker told me about his trip to fertility clinic, he was giving a stack of porn magazine and a beaker.

  6. “I seem to have contracted some sorta stomach bacteria called H Pylori.”
    Helicobacter pylori isn’t just your normal gut bacteria, okay… Some microbiologists will feel so insulted by your comment. In 1982, H. pylori was discovered by Barry J. Marshall and J. Robin Warren. Against prevailing scientific opinion of that time, the two “mavericks” made a strong case that this bacterium actually causes gastric ulcers. The discovery was such a groundbreaking scientific achievement and surprising revelation that the two microbiologists won the 2005 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine for their work!

  7. What you have documented here is the gross abuse by the laboratory in offering these tests to the unsuspecting lay person. This has been going on for some time now.

  8. ooh..that bacteria…hmm….ur level is still not too high yet…anyhow..i had one series of medication….some sort of antibiotics….uggh…….tdid they prescribe it for you??

  9. hey kenny, H.Pylori (you’ve been told this 3 times already) causes gastric ulcers. So just a word of precaution, stick to the antibiotics and any other meds that they give you; gastric ulcers can give you alot of problems.
    i’m an undergraduate in biomed, just in case you were wondering why i was so concerned.
    all the best!!

  10. ngchmd:you are so right, these labs essentially rob the unsuspecting public, offering non-indicated tests for everyone. Ridiculous. Exactly the same way many health food manufacturers market their products.

  11. Dude believe me, charging someone to expose your balls when there’s no reason too, me thinks overseas you could sue them for a whole lotta money. Just my two cents:D

  12. funny.
    gosh those med/pharmacy/biomed students are giving u lots of pro advice. while i would just say: stay healthy, kenny!

  13. The lab service is good. The diagnostic centre, well, that’s a whole different story.
    Why clinics are cheaper? Thats because clinic doctors have got their very own special rate arranged with the lab. Hence lower profit margin.
    How’s the service there Kenny? My ex-customers used to complaint about that branch a lot saying its very inefficient.
    It’s bigger than ur Kuching’s branch because DC-Cheras is the top performing branch. Even no.2 doesnt come close to them. Why are they the top performing branch, well, they managed to get people like you to do a RM1k+ packagae. But do you really need something that comprehensive at your age? Hehe…

  14. Hi Kenny
    Your LDL-cholesterol of 2.9 is not very high. Its acceptable up to 3.9 for normal adult. u would need vaccinations for hepatitis A & B consider your high risk lifestyles…. Please ask your girlfriends to do the H.pylori test. Most likely u have and are spreading it to them…

  15. beware of these labs. they offer all sorts of tests, many of which are not warranted and some are not even recommended for routine screening of healthy patients, including some cancer markers. many of us have issues with these tests that are not recommended by most medical organizations worldwide.
    your LDL is ok. take it from an endocrinologist. Unless you are diabetic, have coronary artery disease or some other high risk condition.

  16. Vagus, Some tests are not recommended ah? Scary..
    My last medical report was… Nearly same as you…
    -Red blood counts are just ngam ngam enough (quite low)
    -Cholesterol levels are too LOW.. xD

  17. hey i’m not sure whether the lab ppl explained to you that h.pylori is not just some stomach bacteria.
    it poses a high risk of gastric ulcer which can have many complications and also gastric cancer. so pls take the full course of the recommended antibiotics.
    just some advice frm a medical student, yeah. πŸ™‚

  18. Sometimes we’re not sure whether these people doing health screening are qualified to do it.
    Kenny your LDL 2.9 is perfectly fine. As long as you do not have any other risk factors like high blood pressure, diabetes, smoking etc it is fine as long as it is

  19. I would like to introduce you to MJ medical check up center in 2nd floor of IBM office bandar utama. Worth the price and is much cheaper thn any medical check up center and clinic.

  20. I would like to introduce you to MJ medical check up center in 2nd floor of IBM office bandar utama. Worth the price and is much cheaper thn any medical check up center and clinic.

  21. Kenny,
    HW is right. 42km is a stress test by itself.
    And LDL at 2.9 umol/L is very much acceptable. The actual high cut-off point is 3.3 if you don’t have risk factors like high blood pressure and diabetes.
    It’s funny they didn’t highlight your HDL level, which I feel is more important. HDL is good cholesterol and you want to have that as much as possible. The minimum cut-off is 1.4 umol/L. The best way to increase HDL level is by exercise. The second, but very distant way of doing it is by medication.
    It’s good you are very conscious about your health. Often people neglect this aspect of life. It’d be a better world if people pay a bit more concern on their health. I hope this is the message you’re trying to get across and not about getting a barrage of tests done. Most of the tests are unnecessary. The only thing the tests would increase is the health care cost, and not the size of ones coconut. Aaahaha.

  22. This looks like a scam, charging RM1k+ for tests like these. for all those experts, what’re the necessary tests that a healthy young person should do in a test? I read some article from a doctor saying the so called cancer marker tests are all crap and not accurate at all, so some suckers (me included)paid these monies to get lousy tests like this. A plain haematology can tell a lot of things already and it’s not anywhere near the cost of 1k, right?

  23. Hey Kenny,
    I’m a hotelier. And for every staff working in a hotel, they have to go through medical check-ups like you once every 2 years.
    It’s stressful, really! Laying down the bed, and the doctor “raba-raba” your body from top to toe. For ladies, our breast will get squeeze left to right, up to down and all the way round.
    Besides that, we not only have to do urine test. We need to do stool test as well. The hotel will provide us a container in advance before we go to the clinic. All the doctors need is about a small piece of our “gold”, probaly about 10-20 gram. And you imagine how we dig out that piece of 10-20grm of “gold” to be insert into that container???
    And mind you, your “gold” must not exceed 4 hours before you pass it to the nurse or else, it is expired! And you have to repeat the above proccess again…
    So, Kenny…i guess the feeling of gel on your “coconuts” is far better than we digging our “golds”.

  24. You’re so funny … and original … loved your peace sign and “coconuts” – couldn’t stop laughing.

  25. hi kenny,
    i have got H pylori too. you need to take antibiotic as advice by doctor else it will turn to stomach cancer. this is now the number 1 cause to stomach cancer.
    as for your protein in liver, too much protein will lead to liver failure.
    take care!

  26. I’m a medical student too, but I’ll just say u’re basically fine. More than half of Asians have H. pylori, but they oni treat it if there’s problem with ur stomach. Cholesterol and blood wise, not serious at all, just maintain a healthy lifestyle as u do now and I bet you’ll outlive your readers. πŸ˜›
    Most of these tests are unwarranted, it’s like doing an overhaul to a car which only ran out of fuel. Funny, but that’s how BP makes money along its direct selling line of pharmaceutical and other healthcare products.
    So, go on and get more humor. Laughter is the best medicine afterall nay?
    P.S: I can barely even do a 4.2km dude…

  27. I found your medical check up so much amusing. It’s done in so wrong way. At your age, obese, male, and family history of cancer, they should do something more useful rather than ultrasound, audiometry, lung function test?? oh my!! ECG and stress test are appropriate. Do seek proper consultation from doctors. Lab is meant for investigation & confirming diagnosis. Full history & thorough physical examination are enough. (Of course not ultrasound of your testes and I hope they did not measure its size & volume by orchidometry)

  28. go through it with a doctor, not a lab technician. you should have just done the blood count, cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure and nothing else.

  29. As mentioned by Dr Vagus, u are in good health kenny.
    Nevertheless, i need to emphasized that most of the tests u are doing is not warranted and there is no point repeating them even on a 2-yearly cycle; Although u did mentioned that u have a family hx of cancer(?type). Unless u have some genetic defects, the most common cancer in your age group is testicular cancer and even then, it is uncommon.
    Bottomline — lose weight, exercise and get rid of the H Pylori.

  30. Your LDL (bad cholesterol) is high which means that you are living a life of reckless abandon in terms of eating, i.e. cut out the laksa, kolo mee and other santan impregnated foods.
    Your H. Pylori test is positive which means you are growing this organism in your stomach which will predispose you to stomach ulcers. This could be a big problem for you in the future if you’re not careful. Eradication only consists of a short course of oral antibiotics and proton pump inhibitors.
    I dont know what highly sensitive CRP is but CRP is a measure of acute infection. Maybe syphillis?
    Whats worrying is that your red count is low. Do you know how low? In a young and healthy individual who doesn’t menstruate one would expect this to be normal. We generally do upper and lower GI scopes to rule out a big nasty in the stomach/bowel.
    Just my advice…i guess your own physician must have gone through these with you? If not, this is a mockery of the health profession…
    Kind regards.

  31. i really can’t help it by laughing as i read ur description.. medical check up also got time to take pictures 1 ah? do u know tat eating too much butter sotong no good? and wat? ur balls like coconut?

  32. can you be more serious???
    itz a medical check up…
    but you had it like it was an tour on an “amazing trip”
    i would have scream my head out if that hand in my belly!
    n oh plz!
    u muz be proud of ur coconut =D

  33. Did the threadmill involve taking blood from your finger every few minutes? The ones they have here in London involves multiple pricks on the finger. It’s a nightmare the boy the other day had his finger pricked at least 10 times.

  34. So what you’re saying, is that you’re a huge pair of balls sporting a human body.
    Why did you omit the docs’ finger up your aisse with intent to rupture for the prostrate test.
    Had you achieved an erection you’d oficially become a girlie buoy.
    Physicals are great for Early Detection, H/Pylori can get serious. Govts should pay part of Annual Physicals.

  35. natalie coco…
    good job… for being health conscious…
    but health is an ongoing thing…
    reaching the obese state is already a bad sign.
    obese by itself, puts u at higher risk for malignancy…
    i guess marathon should help… ode..

  36. Kenny,
    I did drop u what ‘helicopter’ pylori was a few mths back. Not sure if u got it..
    If u are still on creatine and protein powder, u shud reduce, especially if u are a meat eater…
    My protein soared sky high when I was on creatine as well as protein, and I am a meat lover.. My overdose of protein and combination of salt led to albumin…
    And hell, u sure are fat! I mean ur BMI…
    And finally, ur HDL is too low for a marathoner like you. For those active in sports, ur HDL shud be around 1.6-1.8… lower HDLs means higher chance of heart diseases

  37. Hi Kenny, just wanna share with you about something my mentor told me.
    “You know that you found the right one when you are always, always happy.”
    I hope you are always, always happy too.

  38. HI Kenny, am glad you are taking an approach to have a preventive measure on yr health. my family has history of cancer too.
    disease doesn’t choose you based on age. so it’s time we be more concious of what happens in our body. πŸ™‚

  39. lol, so entertaining again. I enjoy the fact that you can turn something so bland and scary into something to laugh about and to prompt people to do πŸ™‚

  40. haha good on u kenny
    actually most of the test will leads u to unnecessary anxiety la (i mean if there is abnormalities found)
    example like the ECG stress test,i dun think u have any heart symptoms to indicate u for that test
    the package of private lab like this
    is jus to earn money πŸ™‚

  41. slightly an overkill on all the tests! some would not be necessary with a good history and physical examination by a doctor. and tests can be misintepreted too. but great that things all look good!

  42. and reviewing the above results again, the doctor at the healthscreening area might have considered further investigations for your anemia? (low red blood cell count) it is uncommon for a young male if you are eating well (not vegan, not avoiding green leafy veg, liver, etc). just an opinion. take care!

  43. It’s people like you that drive this money sucking industry.
    Why the paranoia at this age?
    These tests are not specific anyway.

  44. Just out of curiosity, why did you choose an AC Milan shirt?
    And what level did you get to in the treadmill? I had to do that – it was damned hard!

  45. I used to think that a simple blood test is good enough too until it happened to my dad. He had excellent blood test results Γ’β‚¬β€œ good glucose level, good cholesterol level, and he exercises regularly and eats a healthy diet. We took it for granted he was healthy until he had a stroke due to constriction in his carotid artery. If he had done a carotid ultrasound, he would have detected the constriction and we could have done something to prevent the stroke. Hence a thorough check-up is very important especially if you have a family medical history of high risk health factors even though you may think that you are young, fit and eat healthily. I always hear people say Ò€œAiya! It wonÒ€ℒt happen to meÒ€ until they see it really happened to themselves or their love ones then they start to take pre-caution measures. I don’t understand why people can send their car for routine check up but don’t bother to check their own health regularly. I wonder which is more important?

  46. Thank you for the short talk, I am currently going through the same patch. Logically it is a no brainer, but emotions are still getting in the way of letting go.

  47. You have H.Pylori but you seem to be asymptomatic (pray you always will). Dun worry, 50% of population hv it residing in our stomach. Just don’t get infected πŸ™‚

  48. vagus is right. alot of the tests you went through were totally unnecessary. it’s so unethical for these labs to sell such services!
    also, although your BMI is over 30, it may be because you’re more muscle than fat now since you’ve been training for marathons. it’s probably more accurate to check your body composition.
    anyway, get your hep B vaccinations done. i think that’s the most important issue to deal with.

  49. Well , I study nutrition πŸ™‚ If your Body Mass Index is 30 , that is very serious . Above 25 is obese already … Exercise more lo , and no thats not muscles at all , try to get a BMI of 21 like that .Perhaps you can consider standing while blogging , sitting too much also build up fat πŸ™‚

  50. that is where you are wrong.
    bmi depends on a persons height / body frame and are those masses involved muscles or just excess.
    i am 5’11 almost 6’00 having a healthy line of 82.00-83.00 due to large body frame. I am 85 and it’s fine because i have higher muscles to excess ratio.

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