’s Bandwidth Has Exploded

Man, that sounded good. Repeat after me, “My bandwidth has EXPLODED.”
It sounded as if I couldn’t control my site’s popularity, and that has become the world’s most visited website next to, receiving more hits daily than an altar boy’s ass.
I wish I could tell you that my web host can no longer handle the enormity of my testicles, and that they have to purchase extra hardware just to support the weight of my ever expanding balls.
But sadly that’s not true.
(I still have big balls though. :))
The truth is that I’m an idiot.
See, when I started January this year, I looked for the cheapest web host available and purchased it without doing much research. Its only after a while that I discovered that there are better web hosts out there that cost half as much.
Yet at that time, my 25MB storage and 1GB bandwidth for USD$4 a month sounded more than enough for me. After all, the website I did for the company I used to work for ( only used up about 200MB of bandwidth per month.
Part of the reason I started this site is to keep in touch with my mates in Perth. Instead, the people I expected to come, bar a few, didn’t come. (Gee, thanks guys. Such great friends you are!) Instead, I get visitors all the way from Canada to Taiwan, UK to Korea.
Granted, most of these people are just interested with my Reviews. But these people are such suckers. Bandwidth suckers, that is. 🙂
Bandwidth EATEN
Coincidentally, the more popular entries are the ones that eat a lot of bandwidth. In February, I had to apply for a 2GB bandwidth allowance, thanks to my stupid Jenna Jameson Ringtone. Then just last week I had to upgrade it AGAIN to 3GB.
Search phrase
From the search keyphrase above, you can tell that the most popular entry on is that stupid vibe4u Vibrating Condom Review. All I can say is “What the foot?”. Man, I thought that can be famous for other reasons. Instead I’m known as the #1 search result on Google for ‘vibe4u’. My parents should be so proud.
Well, I’m happy that Koreans and Taiwanese are reading my vibrating condom review. A large number of them even translated that review into their own language with Google’s translator tool. But you know, those things are never reliable. I’m somewhat concerned that some of my words might be lost in translation. Take this sentence for example…

“I can’t believe I paid AUD$12.95 (RM35) for this thing! This is just one condom and some buzzing cock ring we’re talking about!”

In Chinese, that sentence became…

“我不可能相信 I 被支付的AUD$12.95 (RM35) 为这件事! 这是一个 condom 和我们正在谈论的一些个嗡嗡叫的公鸡圆环!”

For those of you who CAN’T read Chinese. Well, that sentence was…

“I can’t believes I AUD$12.95 which pays (RM35) is this matter! This is cockerel ring which one condom and some humming sound calls we’re discusses!”

Yes, a cockerel ring with humming sound calls. Smart translation, Google!
Anyway, a bloke named Jerry Ha left a comment for me.

“Wow…I didn’t know that you live in Malysia.
I was impressed by your review of Vibe condom
and I introduced this site to my friends.
Hope you make more review about interesting stuff
such like condoms. :)”

Gee, thanks Jerry. Ask someone with a non-existent sex life to do more reviews on condoms. Just rub it in, Jerry, RUB IT IN. What do you want me to review next? PREGNANCY STRIPS?
Pleae parden Jerry’s commang of Engllissh, he are Korean so his grandma is nod vely goot.
Seriously though, thank you Jerry, sincerely. I’m glad that you enjoyed reading my reviews as much as I enjoyed writing them. Its too bad I can’t find any new wacky things here in Kuching that make me go “Whoa! That’s unsual!” However, if anyone overseas do find something unusual that you think I might like, feel free to pop me an e-mail. As long as it costs less than RM100 after shipping, I’d consider buying it! 🙂 Thanks in advance.
Oh, if you’re reading this far, sorry I wasted your time. Haha! You’re probably expecting the usual laughs and tickles. I should’ve warned you this is going to be a boring site-related entry from the start. I promise a proper update tomorrow.
Speaking of that, I think as’s readership grow, other people’s expectations of my blog grows as well. Kim (long-time friend, short-time blogging buddy, all-time pest) once said to me that she felt that I’ve changed, that nowadays I seem to be more concerned about making people laugh. She has a point. Ever since the unexpected popularity of my entry on Annoying Friendster Trends, I’ve been feeding off people’s comments and trying to insert humour in each of my entry. So much so that people expect my entries to make them laugh.
In some ways, I don’t mind that. I like to make people laugh. Yet, sometimes I’m just not in the mood. Sometimes I’m just upset at the way things are going in my life. How weak my father is. How much I hate people forcing (yes, FORCING) their religion onto us. People who promise us miracles, like 932 other religions out there. People who waltz in, promote their God like an Amway salesman and go on and on and on and on about how good their religion is without so much as asking a simple “How’s your dad doing?” throughout the whole conversation, and then they get all furious and shit when we said that we are just not interested. God dammit, get the hint! WE-ARE-NOT-INTERESTED in your religion!

Oh what have you done? My dad has gone hiding in his luggage bag thanks to all these religious promoters!

Anyway my point is, please don’t treat like Please don’t expect jokes everyday because this is, after all, my personal online diary. Just like everyone else, I go through a wide range of emotions every different day. I may joke, I may not – one thing for sure, everytime you read this space, you’re getting the real and truthful me. And I’ll appreciate that.
Riggghhhttttt, proper updates tomorrow!
Update : Since posting this entry up, there are reports of another major earthquake near Sumatra. No, I swear this one isn’t caused by my testicles.
Seriously though, I hope that a repeat of last year’s tragedy does not occur and that casualties be kept as close to zero as possible. Please pray.
Another charity concert, anyone?

15 Replies to “’s Bandwidth Has Exploded”

  1. ROTFLOL. Your post title looks really peculiar on PPS when surrounded by pings screaming “EARTHQUAKE!!!!”
    In Ann Arbor, alot of Mormons/Catholics/God-Knows-What-Other-Forms-Of-Christianity like to approach you on the street and start pressuring you into answering some very personal questions. Then they shove some pamphlet/bible into your hands. I’ve even been approached by some black guy (who looked like he was going to beat me up) in a grocery store, and started praying for me!
    My roommate who was very relgious kept telling me that I was going to hell if I didn’t go to church. I should’ve started worshipping devil idols just to annoy her. Hehhe.

  2. It’s Life here. I went through your blog from the beginning and stopped after I read about your dad. I want to tell you that be tough and face it with an open minded. I went through this kind of experience twice in my life. It makes me a stronger person that look at life in another way, definitely a better way. When my friends complain about their lives, their parents, their siblings, their jobs,….i said: shut the fuck up! Why can’t you guys just enjoy it. My family have to deal with some misfortune for the rest of our lives, I’m not depress about it, I take it as a challenge.

  3. Hey Dude, I’ve read about your dad’s story, behind every clown there is a sad sad story, same here.
    I am sure sometime when you are depressed , you come across something funny, laughed your head off. Your gift of humorous writting has the same effect on others.

  4. hey, since ur blogs is so famous now, why not look for advertisers to advertise in your blogs? like that you can get some extra $$$ from there. hehe. just joking.

  5. Life, sorry to hear about your situation but I definitely share your view. I definitely agree that the ordeal I’m in right now is making me a more mature/stronger person. I’m especially pissed at people who contemplated suicide because their bf/gf left them or something. Feel like saying to them, “Hey, don’t kill yourself, spare some of life for my father (if it can be done that way)”? Of course I don’t say that to them in their face, I just laugh it off and say ‘there there, you poor lil thing’.
    e, thanks. Laughter is the best medicine. I’m glad to find someone who empathise me. But I’m still traumatised by that link to HB’s blog.
    Hsin, I KNOW I KNOW! Its like I went over to pps and then all these people start screaming Earthquake. Dunno lah, felt nothing in Kuching here. We get earthquakes here everyday from those modified Kancils pumping loud music.
    kljs, a blessing in disguise.
    tess, *points to the google ad on the right* neh! Click click when you’re free! 🙂
    ms graham, i likey the fact that you likey my bloggy!
    LcF, free things are hardly ever good. In fact I blogged on a blogspot account before, but nahhhh… 😉 Thanks anyway.

  6. it’s stupid to ask for pic at an autograph session *rollz eyes*, if he ever agreed to your request, he’s stupid. Fans will surely boo you and probably cause a stampede as they rush to david to have a pic with him too! LOL!
    i had 2 pics with him on different occasions! not at an autograph session of cuz!
    i like your writing btw!

  7. it’s stupid to ask for pic at an autograph session *rollz eyes*, if he ever agreed to your request, he’s stupid. Fans will surely boo you and probably cause a stampede as they rush to david to have a pic with him too! LOL!
    i had 2 pics with him on different occasions! not at an autograph session of cuz!
    i like your writing btw!

  8. Hey Kenny, maybe you should quote this post as one of your policies… Have you ever feel the pressure due to your popularity? When I posted something about democracy in Singapore, it attracted a lot of readers, and some of the comments really made me weary of the Internal Security Department… Your pressure is the other kind though 🙂
    I’m glad that thus far none of the members of my family or relatives have found out this blog. Nor someone close to them. But if they did find out, I wouldn’t care that much. I have not, and will not create some bad stories about my family. Nor did I pose any moral hazard.
    The religion promotion was a sad story for me. When my grandma died in 1991, my maternal grandpa’s younger brother’s son (sorry for my poor knowledge on relation nomenclatures :P) insisted that she should receive a Christian ceremony (He is a priest). When my family kindly turned down his offer, he was so f*ck off that he never shows up on the funeral nor family visits. We never contact each other until now.
    I suppose religion is to foster harmony among fellow humans. Rather, such incidents took place in the period of great sadness. I really doubted the proper function of religions nowadays (with all due respect). Is the principles be interpreted by the laws or by the man…?
    By the way, sorry for posting such a long comments. Hope you won’t mind 🙂

  9. it’s nice to read your blog and read ur way of expressing. and i guess tat means to most of ur writings in diff emotions. after all it’s still you and ur blog is for you to express not to entertain us

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