ADV: How To Fake An American Address

Last Christmas, myself and 20 other Malaysian bloggers was invited to attend Nuffnang’s Christmas party in Singapore.

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The event sponsor was vPOST, and true to Nuffnang’s fondness of organising themed parties, everyone was required to dress up according to the letters V, P, O, S or T.

The thing is, we were only told of the dress code just four days before the event. That’s hardly enough time for us to prepare our costumes.

But if there’s one thing we’re good at being a Malaysian or Singaporean, it’s the fact that we are all experts in “last minute improvisation”. Three days before the event, I asked everyone what they’re gonna wear and no one knew. But when it comes to the actual event, virtually all of us ended up with some seriously crazy ass get-ups!

Like V for “Virgin Bride” Audrey.

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P for “Paranoid” Jared.

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S for “Santarinas” Peggy.

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And T for “Transvestite” Ben!

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I was the one of the lucky few who was assigned the letter O, which is possibly the most difficult letter in 26 alphabets to dress up for. I asked many people what’s the first thing that comes to mind when they think of the letter “O”, and they all said “Orgasm”.

Now how the hell do you dress up as “Orgasm”?

Wear a black shirt and put some white stains on it? And where could I possibly get the “white stains” from? Please don’t say “the natural method” because I’d need a bukkake session to collect enough.

So in the end, I settled for a simpler O.

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I came as an “Old Man”!

Don’t play play.

This uncle may be old and wrinkly, but as soon as he saw Peggy and her red army of hotties in their sexy Christmas outfits, his tongkat responded by rising to the occasion.

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The best thing about the Christmas party of course is not just the food, the friends and the babes. When we left the club that night, each of us were given door gifts in the form of a set of personalized stamps (complete with our ugly mugshots on it) and a SGD$5 voucher to use on vPOST.

That’s useful to ‘cos I have been using vPOST a lot since I learnt of their existence.

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A lot of people in Malaysia may not even have heard of vPOST yet, let alone know what it is.

I think that’s a real shame because it’s a great service that allows even those of us in Malaysia to get our hands on items from the US that may previously be inaccessible.

Lemme paint a scenario here.

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Let’s say you’re cruising through the Internet, browsing through some favourite online shopping sites like Amazon, eBay, Bodybuilding.com, Victoria’s Secrets. Not that I shop at Victoria’s Secrets. But just an example lah, y’know?

You saw several thing that you like, and the prices even after conversion to Ringgit are reasonable. So you select what you want and you click through to check out.

But alas, this error message came up!

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So what do you do?

If you have friends living in the US, one way to do it is to “lompang” their address so you can get the items shipped to them first then ask them to mail it out to you in Malaysia later.

But if you do that too often, don’t be surprised if suddenly your friends all become “very busy” and started avoiding you at all cost.

See? Pinkpau is boycotting me now.

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Here’s where vPOST comes in handy.

I don’t have to bug my friends living in the US anymore. As soon as I signed up with vPOST, I was given a postal address located in the USA.

Using this address as a intermediary, I can purchase almost anything I want online from the US and have it delivered to my “fake” American address.

When the items arrived (usually after 2 to 3 days), those minions workin
g for vPOST will send me an e-mail informing me of the shipping charges.

Gmail - vPOSTUSA Shipment Alert - kennysia@gmail.com 422009 23346 AM

I pay them using credit card or Paypal, and vPOST will then courier the stuff over directly to my Malaysian address.

Like this!

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The entire process takes only about two weeks, which is insanely fast given my previous horrible experience buying things online from the States.

In the past when I used to purchase my protein powders from Bodybuilding.com, it took 2 to 3 MONTHS just waiting for it to arrive. Once, my package didn’t even arrive at all. No kidding. Ground shipping was so damn slow and unreliable I suspect that they used illegal immigrants to carry the stuff over by swimming across the Atlantic Ocean.

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But vPOST is quick and reliable. As far as I know, no other postal or courier services in Malaysia have offered a similar service to purchase stuff from the US.

Suddenly this opens up a lot of doors of opportunities for us considering the biggest obstacle we have with buying things online is how exactly to ship it over. There’s a gold mine of stuff just waiting to be explored on eBay USA alone.

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Already I’ve bought an iPod nano case from Marware, several books from Amazon.com (that I cannot find in MPH or Borders bookstores) and some anti-snoring tablets from drugstore.com to cure my snoring problem.

Yes, unfortunately I have been told my snoring sometimes resembled the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra on crack. Since none of the stuff sold in local pharmacies worked for me, I decided to try a stronger medication from the US.

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Apart from Malaysia, vPOST is also available in Singapore, Australia, India and Thailand. Singaporeans can get stuff not just from the USA, but also from Europe or Japan shipped over.

I’ll be waiting for the day when vPOST starts delivery from Japan to Malaysia. When that happens, I’m gonna be the first to get my hands on one of these “Oppai Pillows” I saw on the Internet.

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This is an “Oppai Pillow”.

Otherwise known as “Breast Pillow”.

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Hey, don’t blame me! I have been single for WAY too long.

A couple of people e-mailed in asking me to apply for "The Best Job In The World", aka the island caretaker job in Queensland, Australia.

I thought of giving it a shot. That is, until I found out even "Osama bin Laden" has applied for the job.

101 Replies to “ADV: How To Fake An American Address”

  1. The drugs you got is not filtered by STM (stupid msian custom)? I though you’ve experience receiving call by STM for buying bodybuilding supplements from US?

  2. The major flaw about vPOST is that you will only know your shipping charges once you make an order. From their website only a shipping “estimate” is given. For example: I place an order with Amazon. Confirmed my item and made payment directing the parcel to vPOST.
    The flaw starts here, only after you send your order details to vPOST only then will they start quoting you the shipping charges which in my case was more expensive then Amazon would be charging! But I am unable to make anymore changes and was obligated to use vPOST.
    I found out about vPOST through HSBC as they offered a 10% discount for new signups. But I am only given the coupon code after making my purchase and after the shipping quote is given to me.
    In the end, I had to pay shipping charges which summed up to 50% more expensive then Amazon would and unable to use the coupon code as it only came after 7 days of completing my order.
    Not forgetting the poor customer support I was given with their incredibly slow response time. I then decided to write a letter to them explaining my scenario and the only reply I had was an extra 5% waiver on my next purchase… As if I am ever going to use their service again…

  3. We want oppai mouse pads.
    Actually there are a few reliable intermidiateries in Japan. Found one on ebay. Well if you are using those from ebay, make sure you research well before using.
    Also, if you are planning to buy from amazon.co.jp, they have an Engjish website.

  4. I am more interested in the anti-snoring tablets…Maybe i should get 1 for my bf during 1 of our vacation…How much does it cost, inclusive of the shipping charges?

  5. haha..your tongkat really can perk up as high as it can goes…. but really, that is a really convincing mask of an old man u have there… and does sleeping on the breast pillow really helps?? i mean is it more comfortable??

  6. SO MA HUAN ?!!
    whatever you bought in USA .. send it to my address in Singapore … i can forward to you easily … much cheaper and faster !!!
    of course i can’t guarantee everything will be in “original” condition la … hehe … commission mah… =/

  7. [KS: Your comment is deleted. If you want to leave an abusive comment, do not be anonymous. If you want to be anonymous, do not be abusive.]

  8. Does Opai pillows play music too?
    If yes I believe your hair can grow faster by listening to the music during sleep!
    Plants can grow faster when listen to music what ;p

  9. this is lame. there are hundreds of proxy couriers out there, vpost is just one of them.
    estimated charges is a problem but it happens to all.

  10. hahahaha boycott!!!
    ei you really snore damn loud. do you remember the time i set off the motion sensor alarm in your house? when i frantically burst into your room and heard your snoring, i kind of paused and didnt know if i should hurriedly wake you up or take a couple of seconds to laugh at how cute you were 😛

  11. Hot babes… ^^
    About the vPOST, it seems kinda complicated. Wait until I got my credits in Paypal then try to use that.
    Thanks for sharing it… ~”~

  12. Wow! what a usefull guide!
    Anyway, i once bought something from ebay (some trading card games) and got opened by the customs, which i’m not very happy about… so… how can vPost got through that?
    Also, does the service valid for Malaysia address? No doubts that there’ll sure be some surcharge right?
    And, ebay (specifically Paypal), need a paypal verified/confirmed address to get the seller protection, which i found very difficult to 60% of very selective seller…
    Answer that would ya’? Thx a lot! I’m sure these would help all online traders….
    Thx!!!!!

  13. 5 tolls for highway raised. abdullah be the mr.nice guy after the news is out and said should review again.
    suspicious? it’ll be good if u can comment. 🙂

  14. Interesting info about VPost, didn’t know such service existed. Thanks for blogging about it! But when I looked at your shipping charges from Singapore to Malaysia… WAHHHHHH!! *horror*
    Kenny, another alternative is what we girlies called Sprees (at lowyat.net’s trading forum). Works like this: a spreerer will set up a specific website to order from, collect orders from everyone to make one huge order, then distribute to everybody. This saves on shipping tremendously. Drugstore.com is one of the popular ones. Just to let you know. 🙂

  15. Actually, Malaysia already has this service. It’s called VSHub (www.vshub.com). I bought a few GAP stuff and a Coach handbag from them before. Vpost is more for singaporeans i think, while VShub is more for Malaysians because of the shipping rates and taxes.

  16. Ya…another downside of vPost is that it doesn’t consolidate your packages. So imagine that you buy from different merchants and vPost send in separately, it’s so expensive.

  17. The spray costs USD 21 and the tablets costs USD 14.
    I actually set up a audio monitor next to my bed to record my snoring. To be honest, there are times where it does work and times when it doesn’t. With the spray, you really gotta get it deep to the back of your throat where it’ll widen and loosen the flesh that causes snoring. It’ll last about 3-4 hours before faint snoring can be heard again, so you won’t exactly get a quiet sleep throughout, but enough time for you to fall asleep first.

  18. Hi kenny, i read an article somewhere that says how to cure snoring problem. Take a deep breath everyday. It will enlarge the windpipe. Its like muscle, u keep exercising, it will get bigger. So when u take deep breath, you wont snore so much. =) deep breath is good for everyone too. Take care

  19. kenny sia,
    she left u bcos u snored too much?
    lose some weight (ya, i know u r bz man)mayb d snoring will stop.
    perhaps u wanna join Men’s Health Belly Off challenge?
    ur quest in marathon(s) inspired me

  20. Eh, the live feed thingy doesn’t work anymore? 🙁 I have to manually come to this site to check for updates rather than just use that.

  21. *Nope… just shows up empty. Odd.
    ** Checked again and it just display a page that says “Subscribe to this page…” yada yada yada and below that it’s all empty. My previous bookmarked live feed always shows Kennysia.com as “Live bookmark feed failed to load”.
    Anyone else facing the same problems? I have live bookmark feeds for my other friends’ blogs and they all work…

  22. Wow, breast pillow? If I had one of those, I might never need to get out of bed again…
    Plus you could put it under your shirt and pretend to be a woman… if that’s the sort of thing you are into, of course…

  23. Hey Kenny, I came across Vpost but decided not to use them. I’m using Globaleshop from Comgateway. The shipping and concierge charges are lower. At times even lower than what USPS.com would quote. I don’t know how they do it but it works for me. You should try it.

  24. Kenny, have you check with doctor regarding snoring ?
    It could be a serious condition, sleep apnea. Specifically look for specialist doctor, ENT (Ear Nose Throat), many doctors do not know about this. Check out this URL http://cpap.com , look at the FAQ section. I was diagnosed with this condition and have been using CPAP every time I sleep.

  25. I haven’t, but the idea of sleeping with a CPAP and sounding like Darth Vader kinda freaks me out a bit! Do you have to sleep with CPAP forever?

  26. Yes, I have to use CPAP for life. It does sounds like Darth Vader, no more snoring. It is a life saver for me, previously I was so tired even if I sleep more than 8 hours. Have fallen asleep during daytime working hours and almost have a car accident just because I am too tired.
    Snoring could be an indication of sleep apnea. You may notice some people snores and all the sudden no sound (no breathing for a few minutes) . In long term, it will develop into heart disease and other serious condition. To find out if you have sleep apnea, get some one watch you sleeping or video record your sleeping moments. Check this flash video out,
    http://www.resmed.com/en-us/clinicians/understanding-sdb-english-640×380.swf

  27. kenny..i have read that drugstore does not allowed non-US credit card purchases. meaning if u r not from US but buying for someone else there, with ur msian credit card, not possible.
    can u share how do u be able to buy from drugstore.com?

  28. Ummm doesnt that mean, you would have to pay for double shipping costs?!! By the way you can get FREE INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING for books at bookdepository.com …. such an awesome site!

  29. omg brilliant! Thanks Kenny for briefly describing the godsent VPost. I didn’t know that VPost does all that….and i’m a SINGAPOREAN for crying out loud! *FACEPALM*
    Now I could totally save a whole lot of shipping cost if i buy something from eBay UK!

  30. hi kenny this sounds like of cool. I usually ship direct from amazon… and perhaps vpost should b much cheaper.

  31. I’ve heard vpost has europe and japan services now.. so maybe you can go try buying some “interesting” stuff from these 2 countries..

  32. hey, i wanted to try it now but is not for outside singapore use anymore issit? cant put in msian add…

  33. hi kenny… this is my first post after reading your interesting blogs for a year or so. anyway i want to share my experience with vPost, which was correctly described in an online forum, with some editing here and there:
    VPOST is a pain.
    Slow in matching invoices.
    Cant even match properly.
    1 moment, they updated in their system that they received the pkg. Another moment, they claim they did not rcv the pkg.
    Slow in replying emails, want to charge SGD10 per day after 14 days some more. Don’t understand what they read. Never really answer your concerns. Just update you with the status.
    Shipping cost high.
    Delivery slow.
    vPOST shucks!

  34. Recently I came this website and have been following along steadily. I thought I would give my first comment. I dont know exactly what to write except that I have really loved reading. Cool website. I shall continue visiting this site now and again. I have also got your feed to get any updates.

  35. Knew abt mail forwarders earlier in USA but din know abt it is available here. Good to know.
    Secondly, snoring can also be related to Sleep Apnea. One should go and see ENT doctor for help. They will probably send you for sleep study to determine how serious your snoring problem and will suggest a dianogsis. It can be non surgical, surgical solutions or it could be related to yr physical being.Cheers!

  36. I read one of your earlier posts about how your vitamins from Bodybuilding.com were confiscated, because pills / tablets are not allowed in without registration. I’m just wondering what was the outcome of that situation, as I have the same problem now.
    Also, if you use vPOST, does it mean you don’t have this problem? I noticed that you ordered Snorestop pills, no problems with Customs?
    Thanks!

  37. Just saw your subsequent post about how they allowed you to post your supplements back to US. I’d still like to know about using vPOST though, and whether it means that you won’t have the same problem anymore.

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