Sarawak Erections Update

KUCHING, May 9 (Ber-niama): Erection fever is heating up in the East Malaysian state of Sarawak as the official nomination process completes today.

All eyes are on the Erection Commission (EC) as they announce the candidates in the state that saw the ruling Libra Party dominantly controlling a massive 61 out of 62 seats (98.4% majority) in the State Legislative Assembly.
The Libra Party is widely predicted to “score” this erection once again, but not without some resistance from the newly-reformed Opposition.

All the usual suspects are in the Opposition. Last erection, missles fired by Rocket Party failed to meet their target, enabling the Libra Party to rule the State Assembly with absolute power for the past 5 years. This time round, the ‘O’ Party has agreed to give the Rocket Party a little “helping hand”.
However, it is predicted that a much-rumoured new party will most likely steal the spotlight and “blow speculators away”. Details are sketchy at best, but with the help of a hard-headed little bird, Ber-niama is able to bring you exclusive news coverage on this new political party known as…


The Sims: House Party
Speaking secretly from their secret base in a secret location somewhere in Sims Ave, spokesperson Bob Newbie confirmed that party leader Mortimer Goth yesterday unveiled a half-page campaign platform dubbed the Ninth Kennysia Plan (9KP).
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Mortimer Goth discussing campaign strategies with Bob Newbie.

Due to language difficulties, Ber-niama is only able to understand Mr Newbie’s speech through the help of Simlish translators. Suffice to say, it is known that the 9KP will include the following action plans:

  • All front page news items on the Borneo Post will feature Mortimer Goth’s Advice of the Day column accompanied by a picture of him smiling broadly.
  • The following 5 pages on the Borneo Post will be reserved for advertisements for the Sims: House Party.
  • Assemblymen will be allowed to wear bowties and boxers in the State Assembly.

Mortimer Goth practising his campaign speech.

Bob Newbie has asked all candidates to watch out for his new party. “We will be coming up from behind” he warned.
The Erection Commission will be on hand to ensure there be no instances of dysfunction this year.

Mortimer Goth gets a feel on what it’s like to be elected Chief Minister.

In the past, the Libra Party has accused the Opposition for using “underhanded tactics”. Representatives for the Libra Party could not be reached as they were away in China doing “missionary work”.
When interviewed, a sharp-tongued candidate for the ‘O’ Party who wish to remain anonymous criticised the ruling party for taking Sarawakians “for a ride”. “Thanks to them, our state coffers were sucked dry,” she said. “A capable opposition will pump milk into the state and give it much-needed life.”

Meanwhile, the Rocket Party hopes to follow the PAP’s footsteps “hammering their way” to an hard-fought victory in a climaxing Singapore Erections this past Sunday.
PAP stands for Party Action People.

When approached by reporters, leader of Party Action People and resident DJ, Lee Hsiao Loong, still celebrating his win at their Party Headquarters in Zouk Singapore, has the following to say.
“We are fa-mi-ly! I got all my sisters with me! We are fa-mi-ly! Get up everybody and SING!”
Sarawak goes to poll on the 20th May.


I like Linda Chia‘s way of thinking here.

80 Replies to “Sarawak Erections Update”

  1. What…
    The…
    Heeeeelllll?!?!?!?!
    Funny and entertaining but… dude… is it really wrong to talk about P@$, K3@D1L@N, Dee-@-P and 8@R1S@N N@710N@L without mentioning the party names?

  2. lol kenny tht was hilarious! especially when i scrolled down to see the new party and was greeted by….
    “WHAT?! the sims house party expansion pack?!”
    whahaha….!! 😀

  3. I think Kenny Sia’s blog is losing its touch. Not what it used to be. Trying too hard to please now.

  4. What is the point in voting for puppets that, by default have to support the Bedoins’ henchmen – even when it is openly corrupt and undemocratic. Your attempt as comedy masks the rot that is Malaysian politics, and its biggest party – the erections.

  5. my reaction is probably a wee bit different than the rest: omg you r making me miss my Sims!!! I had so much fun with them, all the way till the SuperStar expansion pack where my Sim made it all the way to the top of the entertainment food chain 😀 Then I kinda quit. Don’t make me start back, k? :p

  6. my reaction is probably a wee bit different than the rest: omg you r making me miss my Sims!!! I had so much fun with them, all the way till the SuperStar expansion pack where my Sim made it all the way to the top of the entertainment food chain 😀 Then I kinda quit. Don’t make me start back, k? :p

  7. HEY MAN, DID U HEAR THE ONE BY HOWARD STERN? THE KOREAN WOMAN THAT CAN’T PRONOUNCE CLOCK? FUNNY AS HELL…
    U WANT IT LET ME KNOW..I SEND TO YOU
    CHEERS
    DAVID

  8. Mr/Ms Anonymous, Kenny’s blog is not to please you. Besides, u’re the only one that has a problem here. You can stop reading if you don’t like!

  9. if this blog goes silent in the upcoming weeks, we know what happen then. better get ready some dough and escape the way you did to the policemen. hehe

  10. Ha ha ha! That was hilarious! Now every man’s waiting for May 20…erection day! Oh! So that’s what PAP means…thought the Singapore party has got something to do with “pap-smear”!

  11. LoL! Erastions & the Sims Expansion pack? omg! Where do u come up with this stuff?
    LOL hahahahaha ROFLMAO

  12. i completely don’t get his political views in this xD
    but i see a nice review for the sims ^^
    i miss the game! Get hot date or any version later than that. The prime minister can be brought shopping!!!!! 😀

  13. While we busy with all the political process… u sure made it sound funny n interesting.. but honestly.. its as stressful as cleaning the toilet with a tooth brush… hahaha

  14. i dont know politics has got party! man, i should’ve have study as lawyer/drop out from school and join politic and party like a monkey. after party, i’ll climb back to my wn tree.

  15. Don’t know what you’re up to kenny, but I wouldn’t be very proud of myself if I were you.
    Remember: prison no broadband.
    Are you trying to arrange for an appointment with the Courts, ACA and Prison System? You can write a nice review for them. Take lots of photos okay? After all you did pretty good PR stuff for Ford eh?
    Tell us how the famous Kuching “Hilton” curry and salted fish is okay?
    Hospitality will be courtesy of Libra party.
    You can get good defence lawyers from the Eye party.
    Rocket party will do your PR work once you’ve been checked into the Hilton.
    Oh, if you’re really really lucky, you might get spanked:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vpre6XBd1k
    Please, if you manage to get these invites, tell us how it went!

  16. Hi kenny – are u using benglish “erection” isit? U know arh erection can be used for certain sexual conjunction or for establishing a building? I dun really understand whats got to do with voting? pls englithentment me

  17. where’s the sense of humour? Kenny’s cock is strong enough to help him distinguish the differnet between erection and election. THINK~~

  18. mortimer goth is talking about the weather to bob newbie by the way.and then he went on talking about games.

  19. SHUT UP LAR YO!
    GO HOME AND PLAY YOUR SIMS LAR. JUST PUT UR HANDS AROUND YOUR KUKU AND RUB IT UP AND DOWN, THEN YOU GOT MORE SIMS TO PLAY WITH!!

  20. the mosttttt annoying post in your blog.. WTH?!?!?! nothing to blog dont act funny laaa.. annoying sial~

  21. how’d u ppl laugh to this? i dun see any humour. at all. i can onli see the dj lee hsiao loong’s connection with lee hsieng loong. tat’s about it.

  22. because u r a pathetic asian that know nothing about your countries’ politic and only want to get laid and have fun everyday…

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