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Monday, 17 October 2005

Short Talk:

This video ought to teach all the guys out there a cold hard lesson: NEVER EVER hit a girl, or you'll be drinking strawberry milkshake the way he did.

In case you're wondering, the girl in the video with the sexy cleavage is Scarlett Ting. For the background story leading up to that incident, read Sassyjan.

The Yellow Cows of Xiang Yang Market

Shanghai's Xiang Yang Fashion Market is an interesting place of attraction worth anyone's time.

It is a flea market very much like KL's Petaling Street. What makes it stands out is that Xiang Yang Market is located on Huai Hai Road, an Orchard Road-like high end fashion street housing some of the most famous international brands including Rolex, Davidoff and Louis Vuitton.

Huai Hai Road - the old French Concession. In the 19th century, France took up this piece of land and build unique French architecture of their own. Today it's nicknamed Oriental Paris and is a shopping street for rich bastards with serious cash to burn.

Over at Xiang Yang Market, pushy street vendors show total disregard of international copyright laws by shamelessly selling fake copies of their neighbours' line of luxury goods.

I managed to find some quality stuff here at pretty good bargains. Brand names or not, you gotta admit the workmanship is top-notch and the attention to detail put into these products are impeccable. This set of decorative chopsticks could cost up to RM80 outside, and I snagged them for only RMB30 (RM14).

It's great as gifts! Ummm... just pretend it's really expensive if you happen to receive this set of chopsticks from me. ;)

The process of bargaining is pretty much standard.

(1) You spot the item you fancy, and you ask the vendor for the price.

(2) The vendor quote you a price, usually a figure ridiculously expensive for a counterfeit product.

(3) You mentally divide the price he gave you by 6, and suggest that price to him.

(4) He'll then proceed to give you this face like you insulted his grandmother's cooking. Smile as you admire his distorted facial expression.

(5) The vendor will give you 20% off his original price. This is your cue to reject him and tell him the final price you're willing to pay.

(6) Once again he'll kao peh kao bu and give you a lesson on cost price, selling price and the mechanics of retail. At this point, you walk away telling him you no longer want the product.

(7) Quietly count to ten and chances are, he'll chase you down giving you the product you want at the price you suggested at (5).

Quality neckties at only RMB20 (RM10) each!

This one says Burberry on the back, but the look and feel of it is as good if not better than the RM80 Emilio Valentino ones I've been wearing.

Xiang Yang Market is notorious for this group of people who call themselves Huang Niu (Yellow Cow). These people usually have A-class counterfeit goods stashed away in a hidden showroom nearby - goods that look so authentic, the vendors would get into trouble if they were to put them out for sale in the open. It's the Huang Niu's job to pull potential customers into these secret showrooms.

Trusting these Huang Nius is a great risk to cash-loaded tourists because SOMETIMES these people might take you to a back alley, lock you up and extort money out from you. The local police seems to recognise this problem and signboards like these can be seen everywhere in Xiang Yang Market.

Hunan NAIGHBOURHOOD tell you don't FELLOW them liaw you still go and FELLOW them!

I went to one of their showrooms because my balls were feeling pretty huge that day. And sure enough, they have fake branded goods that look SO MUCH like the real thing not even Mr Louis Vuitton himself can tell the difference.

As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure Mr Huang himself is actually selling authentic Louis Vuitton handbags.

Why would I know?

'COS HIS NAMECARD SAYS HE'S FROM LOUIS VUITTON THAT'S WHY.

If that's not real you tell me what's real.

I reckon we should all welcome to there for BISINESS!

Believe it or not, Huang Nius are not just unique to Xiang Yang Market. I was approached by no less than 8 of them whilst walking along Nan Jing Lu, all of them trying to sell me goods of a different kind - Shanghai girls.

These are the kind of people whom you should never trust when you're out travelling. They'll promise you Heaven and Earth, but if you follow them they'll take you to an empty warehouse, beat you up and take all your money from you. Kinda like how suicide bombers were promised 80 virgins in Heaven if they bombed up Bali, but when they blew themselves up they ended up going to Hell watching Hitler, Uday & Qusay Hussein in bikinis.

I was taking photos on the Bund during my last night in Shanghai when I was approached by a middle-aged man offering me fair-skinned Shanghai University students working as prostitutes. I'm not interested. I knew the dangers if I were to trust him. Besides, I'm a good boy. :)

Instinctively, I turned the dial on my digital camera and recorded the following interesting piece of conversation.

Watch Kenny Sia being approached by a pimp. (Alternate link for IE users) (WMV format, 5MB, 2mins. In Mandarin with English subtitles.)

Excerpt:

Huang Niu: Come have a look! You can have her for 4 hours at 250 yuan only!

Kenny Sia: HA! Are you kidding me? She should be paying ME for sleeping with her.


Damn I wish I'd said that.

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60 Comments

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I bet desperate addict will pay

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haha...yeah, we believe you're a good boy...heheh

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did u buy anythin else?

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lols. interesting spellings

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lol
damn great review

5th!

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i remember i bought a gameboy cataridge for rm20 (normal price - rm150) there...hehe... nice place and lots of stuff to buy..

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How many times must I say this? Jean, his money is my money. I pay him for what!

"Their skins are all fair"
"Waahhhh..."

*rolls eyes*

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brader..ur voice turned from macho kaw kaw to mighty nervous towards the end!!!

;-)

i would too, if i'm you. LOL...

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another great post, though it's none of my bisiness

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LoL ... u should post that few pictures up on MOE ( Mind Our English)=)

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wow.. that's interesting.

How he knows you're from Malaysia? Weird ppl..

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Almost as good as being there. Thanks for the writeup.

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so funny...
i feel like going there n shop...
haha

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when i was in shenzhen's mini airport, there's a signboard up there showing "For Aliens"

Damn, foreigners = aliens

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AHHH.
OMG.
I'm falling in love with your voice kenny.
*grins.
*wipes drool off face.
so macho!! so charming!

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hi kenny,

i've listened to your audioblog on your trip to shanghai, and you still have a tinge of australian accent, typical of those fresh graduates who are transitioning from australianglish to manglish. i think you would sound better and original in manglish althogether, just like your uni mate joey yap, who is running his own feng shui tv show in 100% manglish.

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Certainly u reject one but accept many. Ha ha ha ha. Susah 2 believe u lah.

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Were there 10 people yelling at you simultaneously "DVD yao ma? Bao bao yao ma? A-pian yao ma?" at Xiang Yang Market? I always found that hilarious.

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"...Kinda like how suicide bombers were promised 80 virgins in Heaven if they bombed up Bali..."


What is this for? You're implying something, and it's negative.

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Wan Zafran, it's a reference to those extremists who were promised "80 beautiful maidens" if they were to die as martyrs.

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wrong place at wrong time leh..

or your muka damn buaya =P

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man, it's such a pity u din check out TMSK @ xintiandi. it's uber cool.

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if you'd said that...I don't think you'd still be able to blog afterwards -_-"

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LOL
thats so funny!!!!

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everyone go china also buy chop stick and chinese brush for caligraphy. are you organizing a meeting for all your fans in perth?

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go make your stamp pad with your name engrave!!!

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should ask him for 30 minutes trial satisfaction guarateed. Like those porn sites always got 3-days trial for $3.99... lol

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How was the weather in Shanghai like when you were there? Was it within the 20s Centigrade? I'll be heading there in a few days and hope to get some clue about the weather here first.

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What the...?

Megaupload? I can't download or view anything wor

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:) Great page! Great images! HI from NYC!

http://r2000.blogspot.com

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In China, anything and everything can be copied. And copied well! :D

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Scarlett Ting reli cool. The way she spills the milkshake over the guy's face. Who took the video anyway?

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nice post lah :) that video is funny lah :) hope you are having a nice time in Perth :)

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Kenny ah Kenny. Good thing u didn't believe him. Singaporean and Malaysian gals also have got fair skin what!

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I have to avoid those places when I visit shanghai with my fiancee. With her temper, she will give them a piece of her mind disregarding the situation and our safety.

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Without knowing the whole relationship between two individuals and knowing one side of the story, a person is shame in the world of blog. As personal as a blog is, shouldnt objectivity be used when posting bisiness of others?

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I got this Adidas track suit in Beijing's 'Petaling Street' for a really cheap price. That guy was quoting RM300 and i felt like cursing his mother. Then i just walked away and the next moment, my dad told me the guy's comin after me. "Any price you want". RM 30 :) And i got it for tat price.
*Follow Kenny's Step 1-7* Sort of works. But don't get too wordy with them.
P/s Kenny, get one of those fancy boxers lar. With yellow horns on it :)

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Your chinese really mo dat deng!

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wahhh, the strawbeli clip very violent lor, ler sooo malu la kena like this...so, dun play-play lor, ppl nowadays veery frank and outspoken inc direct action.

Thx for the bargaining tips. How every educational on the pimp training video. Should say, got one waiting at my place for 2/3 of the price for six hours, bwhahahaha.....Cheers!

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Kenny, why you keep laughing one ah? Sound like a pervert leh! :D

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250 rmb for 4 hrs... muhahhah... yeah.. maybe with him !!

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Just taking photos?? That's just the time you were recording. After that, who knows RMB500 was the real deal! LOLZ!!!

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You seemed INTERESTED in that kinda laughter...
There're many Shanghainese in Singapore by the way.

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Jean & Desperate Addict, Big Bird isn't for sale leh.

Jeremy C, I am! Really!

chiet, got myself a business shirt, a set of Mont Blanc (heh) pens and a pair of sunglasses. They sell Playstation Portables there as well but I'm not too enthusiastic about their quality.

stupe & Superfish, I was trying to be nice to him.

snn, if its none of your bisiness then why you fellow my blog?

97, I got a great collection of Shanghainese Engrish. I'll put it up sometime soon

uglyfatchick, we talked for a while before I started recording the video.

mk, maybe Shenzhen has a terminal for Aliens.

snorts, I hope you're not a guy.

Ting Tong, I REALLY DIDn't ACCEPT HIS OFFER LAH! Siao ah. I'm not so gullible.

Hsin, YES! And sometimes the vendors even fight with each other. I witnessed two fights there already. One involved a man hitting a woman holding a baby, and the other involving a woman hitting an old lady. Disgusting.

Reta, wtf. do I look like I lack hardcore sex to you?! Oh wait, I do.

virgin, I checked it out but I was with a company at the time so I better let them choose the venue. They chose a pub with a lousy band singing Kylie Minogue.

Lainie, I can blog with my teeth.

cynthia, why don't you call or sms me on 0403977095 if you wanna meet up? I'm usually around the Curtin area anyway. Be here till next Monday.

victor, heh. Doesn't work that way. I need minimum 3 hours to trial.

Bel, its warm enough to go out in short sleeves. Like Genting weather.

ChowFC, a lot of people can leh!

Alex, oi don't advertise here.

Michael Chua, Koreans copy pretty well too.

Victor, her friend Vamptress.

ramesh, I am.

Thisatisfied. RMB250 for 4 hours is really cheap though. Wahahhahaaha

Mr Lee, yea and 40 of them would give her a piece of their mind.

zachen, I'm on the side of Ting and Sassyjan. I'm no judge, I'm their friend. That said, I've heard enough from them to conclude that he is a lying abusive bastard and he deserves the strawberry shake treatment. No women, NO WOMEN, deserves to be hit by a guy.

Alex, yellow horns?

Vandice, mm kor sai!

JoeC, eh be nice to the pimp. Pimping ain't easy.

XueLi, paiseh mah!

fudd, WALIEW!

Tiny, I don't think so. :D

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OH....Kenny u really bring back memories of my Shanghai 3 mths Poly attachment.. good to see u having fun... :).

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The burberry tie looked so real!!!!!!!1

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The burberry tie looked so real!!!!!!!

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hahaa. i wonder if GIRLS get approached.

'our guys... all have fair skin..'

lol.

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hey, i couldn't hear a Ting when listen to the Ting Ting???
she lucky the dude didn't get up and whack her too.
tell ur fren to be more careful....she dun know how crazy the guy might be.
cheers

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Wow nice chopsticks too! :O) Me WANTEE!

http://nybathrooms.blogspot.com/

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My WHOLE family got locked in one of those watch show rooms and were extorted to buy 8 watches just because my dad was dumb enough to drag teh whole family there. UGH.

But overall Shanghai was good.

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think you'd look great in a pink burberry tie ;)

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xiangyang sucks man.you get bullied / pushed / abused / scolded and not to mention CONNED.they apparently say you get a very good deal,but upon asking people who live arnd there,they tell you uve been conned.oh,dont believe in the A grade B grade thing.the quality sucks equally.HAHA.just my two cents worth(:

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I would call them irritators. Mind u there are easily 4000 of them just at the Xiangyang market alone. Anyway, it is just one of the many ways of earning a living. Just came back from there. Got some good buys and some bad one. Good quality imitation goods, good enough to be a brand of their own!

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Kenny, you gotta help me. All these people keep sending me emails asking to give me their money. I will procure a visa to Malaysia to collect my own share of the money which I will invest in a profitable business venture in your country and I will rely on your advice, if you could help me.

Yeah, I went to Beijing last week from Canada. Saw a lot of Made In Canada goose-down jackets there, and tons of North Face stuff. Only $20! I wonder how they could afford shipping from Canada? And why the goose down looked more like chicken feathers?

Dear,
It is with great honour and priviledge that I write you.I am Mr.Michael
Boateng,AGE: 34 and a bank staff of the treasury department,INTERCONTINENTAL
BANK PLC,NIGERIA which is one of Nigeria's leading retail bank withover 30
branches scattered across Nigeria.I humbly solicit for your confidentiality
in what I have to tell you as my good findout in my department. Every five years,Nigerian banks transfer to its treasury millions of dollars
of unclaimed deceased depositors funds in compliance with the banking laws
and guidelines, in majority of cases with referece to all retail banks in
Nigeria, the money normally runs into several millions of dollars.A national
of your country,LATE MR.HERBERT SEARS,a Communication Investor/Contractor
with Vodacom Communications who had a permanent resident permit in Nigeria
until his death in October 2003 as a result of his diagnosed cancer.He had a
closing balance of $9,375,640 .Since his death,the bank has been expecting a
next of kin to him to come and claim his money in the bank but up till this
time of writing, no next-of-kin of relative of the deceased has come forward
to claim his money with us.Thus,I bent on searching through the internet to
see if I could locate any of the deceased relatives and on one of such
searches,I saw your email address and I decided to seek your consent to act
as next of kin to the deceased since you bear the same last name with him.
However,as an insider,I will guide you on how you proceed to enable you
claim the money as your inheritance fund and it will be transferred into
your account.The request for you as Relative/next of kin in this
transaction is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and
a Nigerian cannot stand in as Relative to a foreigner.Please you must be
confident in your correspondences with the bank director in charge of
foreign remittance as things progress.
On the comfirmation of the money in your bank account,I shall proceed on
applying for my annual leave to procure a visa so as to come to your country
to collect my own share of the money which I will invest in a profitable
business venture in your country and I will rely on your advice. Regards, Michael Boateng

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actually once my cousin kept rejecting a guangzhou vendor's offer from rmb16 til rmb2!
but when my cousin really didn't want it even for rmb2, the vendor swears and rambles away in mandarin

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HOLY COW!

OMG, ALL I DID WAS SEARCH THE FOUR GOLDEN PRINCESSES ON GOOGLE JUST 2 C WHAT THEY WERE ABOUT...AND I FOUND...THIS???

WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT.

GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR I HAVE TO ADMIT.

I LIKE THE 4 GIRLS, AND IT ISN'T EVEN THEIR FAULT THEY WERE RAISED TO BE LIKE THIS ANYWAY.

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Sorry, Scrap that above comment, it was a comment for the topic of "The Four Golden Princesses".

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wah kao !
people offer u take lah !
where got bargain lower some more !
u might get extra bonus ! AIDS !

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Damn lah Kenny, she should pay you??/ (^^)

Hmm, nice entry on this one as well....

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