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Saturday, 13 August 2005

Writing An Ah Beng Blog

I noticed lately there's been an explosion of blogs written by Ah Bengs within the Malaysian and Singaporean blogospheres.

In Malaysia, we have this Cantonese blog and that Hokkien 'bollock'. I have to say, the Hokkien blog impresses me even until today. Limpeh still find it quite amazing how that Hokkien Lang is able to spell all these bloody Hokkien words using English. Even his readers also comment in Hokkien instead of English! Waliew!
Hokkien Blog

Then over in Singapore, those Ah Beng and Ah Lian bloggers lagi more power. From Apple Lim to BlinkyMummy to Big Fuck Rambo Tan, to Rockson Takumi Tan's Talk Rock which spawned imitators like the now defunct Emilio Jackson Tan and the Ranting Rock.

These are all very popular blogs and I admit its guilty pleasure reading them from time to time. I realised that suddenly Bengism is not just a subculture others would look down on, because when you can cuss with style and write words like "KNNBCCB that NKF, TT and CPF!" dammit YOU ARE COOL OK!?

Seeing as how being an Ah Beng is cool once again, I decided to try my hand, and write the rest of my entry in Benglish - ie, in broken English, heavily applying swear words, and excessive use of the word 'ok!?'

KNNBCCB!!!!

All these news about Rafidah Aziz I read until my coconuts also turn from green to red liaw. That bloody Rafidah gave out 67,000 car import permits, 28,000 of those to just FOUR of her Bumi friends. KNN your friends all drive Jaguar and we're still fucked by Kancils. Not fair ok!?

Actually hor, I got no problems if she gives those free permits to the Bumis lah. Otherwise they won't be in the sell car business one. Long long time ago all these Malays sell sell satay and rendang, now sell BM and Honda. Good lah!

But fuck, wanna give permit also have to see who you give it to ok? Some ppl got no caryard you also give, no showroom you also give, no office with chiobu secretary in miniskirts you also give. Give them AP for fuck?! Where you think they gonna store their cars?! Inside their kacheng kang issit?! KNN damn kuay lan ok?!

How come they look so alike one?

Those import permits might be a piece of A4 paper to you but is worth a lot to us. One piece of paper you give for free to your Bumi friends with no car yard. You think they go take the paper and sell car one is it? Cheebye lah you kena conned. They not in the sell car business, they in the sell paper business ok!? Those paper they sell it to all their non-Bumi friends ok!? Not 50 sen not RM1, but RM40,000 for ONE PIECE of lan jiao fucking paper ok?!? CCB my ten year salary also not that much ok!?

See lah now you anger Mahathir already. Mahathir you also dare to anger. LIMPEH MAHATHIR IS PROTON ADVISOR OK! He no like imported cars one ok! He the biggest most powerfullest person in Malaysia ok?! Even me, Kenny Pukima Sia, also scared of him one ok!? Last time Anwar so nice carried his balls, then when he try to fuck with Mahathir see what happened... Mahathir fuck him back deep deep now and Anwar have to pang sai like waterfall!

Mahathir: "You've been a bad girl Rafidah..."

Ah then Mahathir scold you and then you cry. And now you say what want to abolish AP! KNNCCB!!!! Already give out 67,000 permits still dare to say want to abolish AP!!! NABEH ten years ago can abolish you don't wanna abolish. Now give out all these free permits and make all your friends rich rich liaw then say you want to abolish!!! KANINA RAFIDAH!!!

Your cheebye talk so much crap! No wonder they complain the air in KL smell like shit!

Fuck your motherfucking permits lah!!!

114 Comments

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I can tell that you don't really like her ... :P

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This is really funny, especially the ah beng writing. But beware of ISA lol. Nice one kenny!

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hahaha! funny!

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haha, funny!
i like the way you edited the two pics.

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Ya....you right kenny, some time those politician always using their own power doing what their like to do! Their really like shit la......!! by the way.....this blog really funny!! hahaah......hope to see more the blog like this! "gan ba de" kenny......!

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that was first class kenny.

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waa! KNN like pofairsir talking lah.

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Amusing entry!!! Budden hor, makes me feel veli the agitated with you when I read it lah!! KNNBCCB wah lan eh!!! Now I want to go kill the next CCB who offends me ok?! @#$*(@#&(*@@(*!@(#*

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Very, very 'Rockson' way of talking. But it doesn't become you because you're way too much of a good boy. *snigger!* Nice try though, a few more rounds and you'll have the ah beng slang down pat.

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I hope ur blog ends up in the star !!! damn GOOD!!!
u should write like this more often.

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kanina i where got ah beng? i am not an ah beng lah please.

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good try tapi buay sim mi chun. mahathir, eh tun liao leh, gua lang kopi tiam kio ee lau beh.

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woo hoo

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pening kepala saya =P

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aye, i like ur original style leh. too much copy-bengs around... :(

come on kenny! we like u the way u are!

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Wahahaha great attempt. Having said that tho, "benglish" is not really suited to the sarcasm that is your style. It's more for ranting in a funny way. Different styles for different purposes. But if you feel comfortable writing in either styles, then us readers are doubly lucky. :)

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loved tht "pang sai like waterfall" bit cudnt stop laughing until jatuh from the bed ;p damn gd entry ;)

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whoa... my face all red liao... pai seh...

not bad eh, kenny... kill many birds in one stone: you get to diss, swear all you want and let off steam all at once... good deal eh?

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Been reading your blog for long but never posted any comments here before. =D

Funny entry!! No wonder KL's down with haze!!! Because everyone wanna burn *******'s @$$. But that "OK!!" kind of annoying though...Hope you won't keep the accent. =P

Unregistered

This is a pretty good entry.

*******ownz jo0, *******.

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CCB KNN! fuck *******s cheebye la! diu la... her face alone make me wanna fuck her face with a bottle la.

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Eh... do you think you've been reading too many ah beng blogs? How come your england in this post seems more... beng wan?

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haha, nice try kenny... nice try...

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ROTFLMAO... tat pang sai like waterfall bit...

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2 thumbs up!!

admire ur bravery despite all of us knowing bout how sensitive these issues are.

finally! someone needs to send this to the newspaper!

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harlo? Ah Beng would replace "coconuts" with tua lam pah.

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try harder :p you could do better. i'm sure of it :D

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wahliaoz. tomorrow we read in the star:

local blogger and minor celebrity kenny sia, who maintains the highly popular web log, or blog, kennysia.com, has been arrested under the ISA for touching on touchy subjects such as the AP issues, ******* cheebye and *******'s ass. as of yet, there have been no comments by mr sia...

lolz. just the idea of that alone is cracking me up, lolz. semua sokong barisan kennysia!

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take the blog down kenny, take it down. dun get into trouble at home.

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@qsl, That was exactly my first thoughts when I read about it.. heeh heh heh.

Hehe, Kenny, still a very amusing entry. I gotta say I enjoyed this one.. especially with the additional use of profanity! :D The paragraph before ******* just seals it man.

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well, just cross your fingers no political authorities cross this entry..

They don't have any sense of humour, from what I can see.....

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wahlau eh. please dont. the pain.. REVERT!! REVERT!!

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better hope your coconuts are hard enough

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Hi Keeny Pukima Sia. I like yourr new name. Instead of Bengism, you sud write on Semi-belu-ism. Of all yourr politisian...I likked yourrr Semi-Belu best. His anecdotes can be compiled into an yeanthology (anthology) of Semi Belu blarring. Some in my memories were "Yinni yorang, rakyat Malaysia vvery short memory ...vvery ungratefulll." Another one was "Peke,raa (pekara) kicill kicill (kecil) bikin atom bom macam." Lagi hilarious lah, Yincik Kenny Pukima Sia.

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Kenny. Good one. But careful. You sud know 'Rough-it-dah'.

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Kudo to you Kenny. An extremely good one ..

Syiok nya ...

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Kenny Sia you rock! I love you!!

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Kenny kia, u shd be the chief editor for The Star or NST man. U speak your mind and truth well told. Cheers!

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kenny ah, i dun think u should write politic stuff le.. u know la you got so many readers..even some reporters got read your blog 1..so better becareful a bit..anyway, its your blog, u can still do it if you want, its just my opinion :)

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aiya... kio ******* hong kan lah... everyday kaopeh kaobu and then hide behind *******'s karcheng..

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Kenny, wa erm si Hokkien lang, tapi wa eh sai Hokkien weh tampok2 kong.

Lu erm kia si,eh, ah neh kong way, lu kah chek chiak Huan Nah Poh ah nay seh kong, lu kam kong.

Lu kah Mahatir chin pin ah nay say kam kong,boh?

Wah kah lu kong, ee kuak lu eh lan chiau....

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BE GOOD!!

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one problem with us peasants, I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FCUK YOUR WRITING. for whatever god's sake, please. DONT.

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u know ah, i see this first time kenny ah write something politics.

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u better watch out ur tounge. someone is watching u n ur article. another one.confirm strike out brother. jaga jaga mulut ye

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i used to like your style of writing. the operative word is USED. i know what i write here may have little or no effect at all but i stand by my opinion that you have to be careful of what you write. yes, this is YOUR blog. your own personal space. but don't forget that this is private space of yours is also available to the public domain.
/end rant

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I can't stop laughing! While I frequent Hokkien Lang's website a lot but this post of yours about the AP issue is so funny! And I swear Lydia and ******* are perhaps long lost sisters!

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bahahahaha sibeh funny mar de!!

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Damn KNNCCB you damn good lah. Can pass off as a Beng in Singapore if you really shout that out loud when standing on a chair in Chinatown's hawker centre! Later mata come give you lift and treat you to eat black bean rice in Changi Prison.

Haha! Great entry, Kenny!

Unregistered

what is AP? What is the story behind it?
and what is the full term of KNNBCCB?
i know KNN and CCB but not the B in between

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kenny sia goh goh zai,

ngor dei mm hai Ah Beng ah, ngor dei hai 'Jut Doi Siong Diu' geh 'Ah Tiu' thung mai 'Ah Giu'!

ngor dei geh blog dou hai "able to spell all these bloody Cantonese words using English"

yi cheh ngor dei geh "readers also comment in Cantonese instead of English! Waliew!"

but anyway~ doh jeh nei geh pung cheong! shui yin shu joh bei Hokkien Chai, dan hai ngor dei yi yin wui gai zhuk nou lik ga yao geh!

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Hokkienlang still rulez :D

- Life Feel

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KC: WTF speak english la, u so ahbeng la!!

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nice post one-a :)

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The "Pang Sai like waterfall" part caught my attention lol. Literally the Niagara falls of laughter lol.

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Hmmm u must be careful about this. Seriously.

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kenny, for the good of ur coconuts.. please passsword lock this article soon...or better juz remove it..malaysian police force isnt nice to play with..

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kanineh.

this is funny as hell.
ahahhaah

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what is Ah Beng and Ah Lian?

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kenny, funny post but the malaysian government might not be very pleased.

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When one doesn't invoke the nation's security, why should he be afraid of ISA?

Chill people. Kan ni na lau boh chow chi bet.

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I dare you to do the same with our 'beloved CM'. I await in anxious anticipation....

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Alah Kenny, blardy funny you talk beng-style. Wah lau, I Malay also understand - mix with Chinese too much liao.

Anyway, what I want to say long-long is, in Xing Chia Po, we no need under table one. Gahmen already charge SGP25,000 for a bloody A4 paper that says we can drive our already over-priced Jepun made cars. That's even more KNNCCB!

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Kenny, kalu lu eh sai, lu Pak Choo Ching ee eh bin chin....

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*laughs at "powerfullest"*

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yo, kenny. just to make sure, please put a post up asap just to let us know you're still around k? don't want to have to worry that you DID get caught by the ISA, lolz.

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lol... Kenny inducing some Hokkien into his blog, perhaps you can try full hokkien blog - just for fun :)

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oh kenny, you have green coconuts? UK supermarket only sell brown ones... I would like a red coconut tho~

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*eyeroll*

the best bit was when mahathir was quoted in the papers saying he is an old man, and maybe not QUITE sure, but there might be some differences between the APs depending on the years

hwaliao wei, power evil.

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lydia sum = HAHAHAHA!!!

but seriously Kenny, we'd all hate to see you hounded by the gahmen just because they can't take a joke, or freedom of speech.

let us know you're alright. :)

Unregistered

wakakak soo funny wamakakakakakakakakka sos sosososos funny

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Funny how I'm a Singaporean but I have no idea what some parts of your entry meant. Can't understand anything from the Hokkein blog... Very sad. I'm part of the ever-growing Can't-Understand-Dialect-Generation.

Being curious I, of course, clicked the 'disagree' button of the disclaimer as well. Wahaha. So funny!

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just wanna point ur attention to something more serious that is happening in the world around us...

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best not lo

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Thin ice dude, as Cowboy would say nice man berries :P

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indeed b4 this i enjoy reading ur articles but really appreciate if u can be more gentle with ur words. to show ur "red" colour with the power of words mr. gentleman... coz u r.. cheers.

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To those offended by my excessive profanities, this is just a one-off experiment at writing Ah Beng-style lah. So please, chill.

desperate addict, i see you have taken out your anger on Mr PK already .

J Schnorng, you are a smart and educated Beng lah ok?

Ben + chinyee, I'm sorry but how do you expect me to respond to something like "I used to like your style of writing"? It is difficult enough to satisfy everybody's taste the way it is already. :(

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Hello. I've been reading your blog for a while and I think your blog is great!

I sound like spam. LOL.

But really, your blog never fails to amaze me.

Thanks for the link, dude. You're da man.

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hi kenny, luved your entries.. but i do agree with some, this is a sensitive issue, and we want you to just take note in case the govt comes a-knocking and demands an apology from you, just like our AcidFlask/A*Star issue..

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I was expecting hokkienlang to comment in Hokkien. Heh...

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I like ta' one on Datin R's AP issues. Yeah man, ta' whole thing sucks man......basket!

The crux is, while all ta' si ghin nahs at parliament were f***ing each other on the AP allocation, the API started to creep slowly to >500!!

Aisay man, AP or API issues ta' gahmen is outta control. chiak sai one...........

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desperate addict : ai meh? wa siah hokkien wueh siah kao sien liao, lu koh ai wa siah hokkien wueh. fuh. hor wa tam pok chance siah english ma... :D

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dius! kam ta tak? bwahahahaha!

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Aiyo! First time i see a priest ranting and swearing...... :P

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Well, Kenny, you outdone yourself this time. It's a funny and amusing entry, I'm sure many out there are in the same boat about this AP situation. The disclaimer was/is the wisest thing to do, because we are being watched and monitored, all the time. Especially now that even government officers are reading your blog, for fun, mind you. But still, never underestimate the Malaysian Intelligence, dear. We have one of the best intelligence in the world. Trust me.

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what sensitivity? i do it all the time... and some blogs that blogs on politics also does it all the time. no worry for me.

oh i guess the difference is kenny's blog is a very popular blog read by so many people including govt. officials (as someone pointed out), whereas my blog nobody's reading it... so no need for me to fear.

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Its fucking funny.... WHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

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walao, buay pai la..jin cia ho chio lay..

tapi hor, si mi lan pun eh sai xia..mm tang xia kah chuey 'political' one.. ginna tamm sim li eh bollok tiok cheng hu 'gam' lay... mm tang kah cheng hu si tui tao...tan je eh..li pun tiok pang sai like water fall... haha..

hokkien tor lok eh chor..tapi uu si hor, boh tia tor lok eh song.. tiok boh...hehehe..

xiao ginna

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Hahahahhaha, Kenny Kenny you made my day with this....KNN *******, I agree!!! >.Hahahahhaha, Kenny Kenny you made my day with this....KNN *******, I agree!!! >.
..Ah beng BENGLISH rules :D

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HAHA, ******* still pwnz?? I thot he go back to his field and become farmer or wat. as for anwar, play too much backside till his own kena pwned, its just karma, like they say, what goes round comes round. and this *******, should stop while she's ahead, smart move with the abolishment. If not kena investigate like our very own Durai, more skeletons fall out of the fucking cupboard, haha, btw, hows the air there? Fucking forest burning Sumatrans.

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I like the little disclaimer. Very cute.

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steady lah !!
*thumbs up*

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Walauwei, lu ei England jin damn powderful,. Gua bei hiao tak ah!!!

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eh, nobody contact you yet, is it?

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Hey hey, i'd like to read the rest of the benglish post too. Pretty please?

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HAHAAH...Damn good entry...... U had me laughing in stitches in the office earlier today, before u removed that extra "Shum Tin Ha" portion with disclaimer. Luckily I told my friends of that classic entry before you removed it :)

Keep it up man! Thanks for helping me shove away my Monday blues today :D

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can i read that entry? plsssss! thank you !

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lol..

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what to do kenny, this is malaysia \, no matter how knnbcc tu lan also \, you cant do anything, the knn isa will still cover everything up...

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fuck you ar.....haha but you did a very good job bombarding rafidah oh................ hheheheheh knnccb

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can i read the post too?

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can i have the password please, kenny?

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can i read it too?? thanks

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not beng enough, not hokkien enough. must use a lot of "hor", "walao eh", "niama", "chiak sai", "sibeh", "lin lao peh" (a longer version of limpeh), "kanasai", "lanjiao".
then it would be BENG TO THE MAX!!! hehehe...

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nice one..

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send me pls.

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hello

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can i see the rest of the blog pls?

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Hidup Ah Beng,
go and died all enemies,
go and died tarmizi

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Fuck you tarmizi tajuddin babi

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can send me the rest?

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its cool i'm the same side v u.

and i was jz careless key in "walao eh" by search button in MSN and found this COOL blog, its really amazing! i had made my mind to visit here everyday from this sec~!!

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haha have u ever wondered why malaysia is going nowhere and they are only spreading their unachievable ambitions?

our politicians are like kids in a sandbox with power over other kids and demand respect when they dont deserve it without realising the other "kids" are smarter and much more capable than they are.

i am confident to say
if they even give me power to choose 10 speed bumps placement hell accidents would drop by at least 20 a month.

instead of putting 200000000000000 speed bumps in one housing area... which wont help coz anyone with a 4 by 4 can 4 by 4 kids who are running around like idiots due to idiotic parents which comes from the idiotic governments mindset.

not to be racist but have u seen how malays control their kids in public?

i can see them running around everywhere carelessly whilst their parents barely give a crap and walk on.

kidnapped cases. i wonder is it the kidnappers fault for being tempted to kidnap kids from parents who dont care ?
i think its the parents fault for tempting them.

i realised most kidnap cases majority malay kids....

hmmm ITS A MYSTERY TO THE WORLD WHY!

dumbasses

Unregistered

u r so fucking rasist!! u think u so gud r!! fuck you kenny!!

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