I suffer from an incurable disease. Its called Datuknametoolongitis.
Datuknametoolongitis is typically characterised by the sufferer's inability to remember people's names in full, especially that of the Datuks. At best the sufferer can absorb the first three syllables of the name. Anything after that becomes pure gibberish.
Jalan Datuk what-what-what?
Kuching, my hometown, is a city that discriminates victims of Datuknametoolongitis, like me. I'm saying that because 70% of the roads here are named after famous people, most of whom are Datuks, some of whom have unfortunately very very long names.
Many years ago I remember studying at a Chinese Primary School along Pineapple Road, not too far from Palm Road. I remember a Jalan Keretapi (Train Road) near Wisma Saberkas. There's even a oddly named Jalan Central Barat (Central West Road), which is a strange fusion of Malay and English words.
Jalan Rambutan. One of the few old road that retained its name. No there's no Jalan Coconuts.
I then travelled to Perth Australia where I stayed for eight years growing accustomed to road names like Hay Street where I do my shopping, and James Street where there's good bubble tea, great coffee and fantastic pubs at night. The longest road name I've came across is probably Sir Charles Court Promenade, which is more of a walkway on campus than a road.
And then I return to Kuching. And I experienced reverse culture shock.
There are some changes with Kuching that I can put up with. Then there are some that I cannot.
One road, two names. One new, one old. Kinda defeats the purpose of changing its name isn't it?
Gone was Jalan Central Barat, its now Jalan Tan Sri Ong Kee Hui. Gone were Palm Road and Jalan Keretapi, its now Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce.
I have nothing against their names. I don't even know who the heck they are. But I'm sure at one point or another probably they did something so magnificient the city council decided to name a road after them. Then another. And another. And one more. Then another...
As if remembering long and complicated names wasn't difficult enough for sufferers of Datuknametoolongitis like me, I was further punished by having to differentiate between two almost similar road names.
Two roads, similar names. But the difference is day and night.
Its not that I didn't try remembering the names. Believe me, I tried. Its very difficult to know the names by heart. One trick I find very useful is to associate the road name with food.
Doing so helps me remember long road names, but makes me hungry very easily.
Its too bad some road names are a bit too long for me to use that trick.
Umm... Jalan Murtabak?
Then they start naming the roundabouts after these famous people.
Try reading them double fast without pausing.
How bad can this get? I thought those were the worst, I have no idea.
Until I came face to face... with The Mother of All Long Roundabout Names.
DOUBLE the "Datuk", DOUBLE the "Abang Haji", DOUBLE THE OOMPH!!!
Its not true what they said about Sarawakians living on trees you know. That's not what we're famous for.
We're famous for giving road directions to tourists.
Angmoh tourist: "Excuse me, how do I get to the library?"
Local Sarawakian: "Oh that's easy! From here, go along Jalan Datuk Abang Abdul Rahim, turn right at Jalan Tun Abdul Rahman and drive until you reach Bulatan Datuk Temenggong Abang Kipali Bin Abang Akip. Do a 3 o'clock towards Jalan TunKU Abdul Rahman, make a left at Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce and drive until you reach the roundabout at Bulatan Datuk Amar Abang Haji Suleiman Bin Haji Taha. Exit at Jalan Tun Abang Haji Openg, then turn left at Jalan Laksamana Cheng Ho. Soon you'll reach Bulatan Datuk Menteri Abang Haji Mohammad Zin Bin Haji Salleh, where you should turn into Jalan Tun Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Muhammad Salahuddin until you arrive Bulatan Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Abdillah Bin Datuk Bandar Abang Haji Mohammad Kassim.
The library is just on your left. Any questions?"
Angmoh tourist: "Huh?"
The Majlis Perbandaran Kuching sure got nothing better to do. -lol- Even roundabouts are given names. Strangely, I don't see that in Malacca or my hometown - Tampin. Heh~! I wonder if there's any roundabout named after Sultan of Brunei. The name of the sultan is freaking long, about 20 words if not mistaken.
ROTFLMAO! Thank you for making me proud to be a Malaysian.
Wah.... lucky I dont live or drive there , by the time I read those signs I would have crashed into them
Wah... heng i lived in Singapore and now the UK, where road names have always been simple, apart from French name roads... at times pronouncing it makes me Salivate so much i practically spit/shower the listener as i pronounce.
Waliew!!! With road names as long as this, who needs maps?! No space liao!
What for name roads so long?! So hard to navigate?! Puiz! But hor, at least Kuching's signages are more obvious and prominent than in frigging Johor. No signs or rotting away behind a tree. Got lost so many times. ARGH!
LMFAO. I'M SPEECHLESS. ROTFLMFAO!!
goddamn.. didn't know kuching has such kick ass road names... *laughs*
on another note, jalan teh o peng n mana laksa rawks. the should be roads named after malaysian food instead of dead people with names so friggin long, nobody bothers to remember them, hur hur hur...
Kenny..Kenny... Remind me not to stray into your blog in the wee hours of morning. I laughed so hard, my dad woke up, eyes half-opened, yet he looked armed-n-ready to fight off whatever 'being' that disturbs his family. All he saw was my silhouette against the flickering comp screen. Tsk..tsk...
I'm Malay and I sure am struggling with all those blardee long, inhumane names. I personally think that it's very cruel of the city council to torture the residents with such nonsense. Heh.
But then again, do you consider submitting this to the Guiness World Book of Records for the longest (and probably most complicated) name for a mere roundabout???
Hey!! dint know u stayed in Perth for so long. Indeed i dread going to malaysia because the road names are always so long and difficult to remember
-sporean studying in perth-
And here I was complaining abt unoriginal names that are pretty damn comfusing... like san jose street in san francisco... california street in chicago....
After reading this, I have come to my senses. Better confusing-but-short names than the kind you mentioned here.
Maybe you should take gingko biloba pills for your condition. =)
LOL. Nice entry!
Weird road/street names man.
Wonder how those cab drivers gonna suffer.
Now i feel fortunate staying in Singapore.
Nice post.
But by the way, what does an ang moh tourist want to go to a library for?
Goodness gracious me. I can't recall bumping into a street / road with a name longer than three syllables for a long time, and that's a good thing in my opinion. Nice and simple does it.
omg kenny, i just love your site, was recommended it by a friend!!
and yes i totally agree with the road names, it can be so confusing (although i have never seeen that long names before, kuching must be a tough place to live in)
keep up the good work, and thanks for making me smile!
ROFL hahahahahhahahaha... Thx Kenny, I just woke up and the first thing is to check ur site out! HAHA... I know i'll have a great day... Super Funny Post! Kenny I LOVE YOU la~ I'm from JB studying in Melbourne, glad JB's road name is not that bad. ;]
Have a nice day, Kenny and Kenny's Fans~!
Kwang
omg, that last one is unbelievable!!
hi kenny thanks for stopping by my site... really la... name so long for what purpose??
they could have split up the guy's name & his dad's name (surname) to name 2 separate roads if both had made some contribution to the city's development. otherwise just use the first name.
i think if i ever go to kuching, i'm going to have a major headache with the road names. thanks for the advance warning... i shall remember to bring along my panadols :D
you forgot to mention that some roads are related to each other, eg: jalan ong tiang swee and jalan ong kee hui (cant remember if they have datuk or tan sri... really, can you blame me?)
haha i cant remember those name either. jus gimme landmark and ill be fine. usually SHOPPING places =p
mmm the name of my lorong is
JALAN DURIAN BURUNG = JALAN DURIAN BIRD?
huh?
Haha..I'm a Kuchingnite and I also notice these weird roundabout names in out Kuching City North for quite sometimes. Finally someone is there to point out this ridiculuos way of naming the roundabouts. But the one that caught my attention is the Mother of all Long Roundabout Name, with our Sarawak Parliament Building behind. Should have entered M'sia Book of Record, since Malaysians always aim to break some funny funny records.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!
Hahaha...My home in Johor is actually at Jalan Rambutan :)
Studying & working in Kuching for 5 years already and I don't even know the name of the roads.Can't bother to remember the names.
So I just sort of memorize the routes as in destinations and how to go there. Heheh..
dude,
i am so impressed.. seriously. i have forgotten how funny our street names are sometimes. but hey, sounds like you're doing well. and my brother and i spent about 15 minutes laughing at your posts. keep it up, this will be my blog to check every morning when get up.. joanne
i meant blog to check every morning when I get up.. :) heh
Oh my freaking goodness!!! Who remembers those names man!!!!
I think people merely travel the roads by heart. Like I do actually. =P Though Singapore street names are pretty much simpler, the amount of time you take to learn all of them is horrendous. A 10m road can even have a name by itself!!! So what I do is I recognise landmarks. *grins*
Like your Jalan Mana Laksa and Jalan Teh O Peng. =)
Hahaha... this is super funny!
Keep those funny post coming!!!
hahaha... luckily the roads in Brunei that named after famous people are short like Jalan Elizabeth III, Jalan Ong Sum Ping and so far no Datuk roads kekekeke...
Hahahahh! Gawd! This is badddd! Freaaaakin loooooong... *suprise*
Kenny, you're such a big muthafucka!!
Taib Mahmud should have read your blog, probably he might replace the mother of all long rounabout names to "Jalan Kennysia Dua Dua Ki".
LOL!!!!!!
I think when they grant someone datuk-sheep, it's in the intro package that some road or other will be named after you.
holy cow! those are really the longest road and roundabout names i've ever seen, man!
at first i was like... 3 words only, what? and when it comes to the motherly roundabout... lmao
i wonder if those council people remember all the road names...
and what's the point of changing road names :/ it will still be the same road, prolly less traveled now coz people would be sooo turned off by its name XD
Muahahahhaha!!!! That's why I never go to remember the road name. I would say "Just give me which famous building nearby you". Kihkihkih...
So kewl man, just love visiting your site bro, kewl effort, thinking of us all
Lol!!! You've hit the nail on the head. I never bother with road names back home, and Jalan Keretapi will always be Jalan Keretapi to me. But I agree that giving directions is a pain in the ass. I got lost in Kuching city south before because of the crazy road names (and all were named after someone too).
Anyways, Kuching has some pretty interesing road names. There's a whole series of Jalan Kaloi, Tilapia and Barracuda or something like that along Damai.
His Majesty Sultan Haji Hassanal Bolkiah Mu’Izzaddin Waddaulah Ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Haji Omar ‘Ali Saifuddien Sa’Adul Khairi Waddien, Sultan and The Yang Di-Pertuan Negara Brunei Darussalam
This is the Sultan of Brunei's name. :P Imagine a roundabout with that name.
Hrm, i'm pretty sure that most of the roads here in m'sia are named after famous ppl, like in KL its all named after someone. But then talk about LONG names...i've never seen road names that long ever!!! And malaysia receives yet another bragging rights...WOOT!!!
I was home(Kuching) for holiday, before I went out to the town, I pulled out a map, pen and paper, wrote down all names of those roads.... and while driving, kept looking at my notes, ...
i had to stop myself from laughing out loud in the office!! WAKAKAKAK damn funny! the funny part is... you actually took all the pictures of all those street names!! man i dread going home. why cant they have street names like here. ahahahha....
Hey dude, who remember's all teh street name? My mom's direction to our house: " Behind 兩毛錢". ( yes that big tacky house)
LOLz... Yeah, I agree... Blardy long names they are... Sometimes people give me directions to places like that then i'll be like, ermm... and people will end up saying, "How can you don't know?? Kuching ciak tua still don't know... Aiyooo...."
It’s more than the length of the street name. The Egyptian has the pyramid, the French has the naked stature, Stanford had The Stanford University, one of the best in the world and the Kuchinese has the fanciest street name.
Take your pick! All these supposedly-people-representatives want be remembered well the legacy they leave behind, and I happen to believe it’s a good thing if that is what motivates them to do good for the people. Slapping together a road sign with enough letters to wrap around a round-around is not exactly building a pyramid. Something we obviously can afford and very good at. It’s just an inconvenience for out of town tourists but they shouldn’t be here in the first place in my book. Actually the road signs kind of serve that purpose well, thanks to our datuk and datin. For the locals, tell me if anyone actually following those road signs going to the state library?
Whether these big shots deserve a 2-foot versus 5-foot road sign is another story entirely. I would say those reverse-Robin Hoods should have at least a 6-foot sign that said “I built this millions dollars mansion while I have my hands in the cookie jar†in their front yards.
ha....4got that the road names in kch are ridiculously long...and don get me started with roundabouts. i think i gave up remember roundabouts which names are too long years ago....n just referred them to 'that roundabout at bla bla bla.' and so on.
so far here in brissie...the longest road name that i have encountered is Sir Fred Schonell Drive....sighz why cant kch road names b this simple :p
this is a side-track here... though, anyone noticed the resemblance btw kenny and singapore's adrian pang??
The should rename a street in my honour. how cool would Jalan Project 8555 sound?
heheheheh
*revs engine*
if you marry xiaxue and come & live in SG, you will not have such problems again
Muahahaha...the last pic champion leh..Kenny, can understand why u suffering from this illness.i oso suffer from 1. it's called ITidiotitis....LOL
Kenny, this is creepy. I blogged about two of the road names before... (check your mail)
abdul is é¸éƒ½ï¼Ÿï¼Ÿ
i like how u connect road names with food. hahaha my favorite is jalan mana laksa!! ur brain works in weird ways indeed...
Mystery: What the hell is Cheng Ho doing in Sarawak?!
Kenny...You're da man! I laughed non-stop reading your post.
Boy am I glad PJ uses numbers - the longest road name I've come across in my short life is Jalan P.P. Narayanan (aka Jalan 225).
I was laughing my head off reading all those road signs...
Names of Road and roundabouts , also can play, play..
damn cool and good.... non-stop ROFL....
I wonder what's next.
speechless really.. the bulatans' names r ridiculous!!
n i like that conversation at the end of the post.. so funny!! haha!!
next time don't be surprise if a bulatan's name become as long as it goes round the bulatan. :)
roundabouts have names?..gee..i nvr knew..
WAH!! confusing!! Anyway, I am finally leaving a message here. Nice funny blog. Good to see a fellow Malaysian having a great blog that can rival those of Singaporeans. :)
Hehehe - a good reason why I didn't drive while I was in Kuching... *sweats*
hehehe.. i've seen this before in kuala lumpuer
Jalan Maharajalela ( old name - Jalan Birch)
it's unfair. not only dato maharajalela took birch's live, even his road..... hahahah
i wonder if we have Jalan Tok Janggut ( old name Jalan Sarjan che wan)......
... what's next? datuk bahaman? rentap?
Fuck i never knew such a dumbass long name for a roundabout existed. Ridiculous. But you made it funny so in a way, i will actually look at it with a bit more credibility now - provided some laughter.
Insanity, that is!
hahaaaaaa lol
kenny sia, i just love reading abt the things you blog about. rock on, dude!
lol~
Kenny, this entry is freaking hilarious... You sure are an entertaining one!!
..............i used to think my neighbourhood was so tacky as to name their roads with colors like Jalan Biru ,Hijau, Kuning etc etc....
now you just made me feel very very grateful...
Impractical lengthy names of places. Is it a Malaysian thing ?
Probably.
omg! luckily singapore doesn't have such long road names. else, i'll be at a loss of directions.
I remember the directions well...but not the road names. I know all the shortcuts around town, but I would hv no clue what roads they are. eheh.
malaysia boleh!!
Unberfukkinglievable.
at least the names are different..
come over my place and u'll get jalan woods , lebuh woods , persiaran woods , etc etc etc..
drive into the next block and then u'll get jalan papan , lebuh papan and persiaran papan..
we probably ran out of names..again..not like my place is huge..so *shrugs*..
and i bet that guy with the long-ass name was called abang haji..or even only haji all this while..
Eh I seriously don't know how to reply to 72 comments lah. :/ You people are too kind. You're not ignored of course! I do read all the comments, so thanks for bringing me sunshine. :)
And obviously I was making fun of the angmoh tourists asking for directions. Its true that to us Kuching people, these long road names are as good as nothing. Like many Kuchingnites have commented, we give directions based on landmarks that's all (eg. Behind this shopping centre. etc)
NSDS3, thanks for the link. Petrajaya is notorious for that eh?
curious george, stop being so hard on yourself leh.
dawnie, are you still hoping that I'd marry xiaxue? Oh my.
synical, SPEAKING OF ROAD NAMES IN PETALING JAYA! Mannn all these SS 15/2 or something. The last time I was in PJ, I thought I was at the library or something. I know its numbers as road names means that its easier to navigate. But ughhh. Numbers?!
Hah! Born and bred in Kuching but never noticed the bulatan's names. Probably was a good thing too. Funny post, man. See you at the PPS bash.
dis is hillarious! muahuahuauaahuahua.. funny.. ;p
Quite so. Although I would say that your direction to the library is wrong ;)
Speaking of which, there's no Jalan Coconut BUT there is a Jalan Nyiur! It's between the Central Barat-Timur traffic light and the temple, near the shops.
you from chung hua no 4? you are!
Yeah all those goddamn long names annoy me.
Dahlah I have no sense of direction, and I consistently fail sejarah.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg..
Classic!
just realised how dumb some of those ppl are for giving the roads such long names o_O
"Angmoh tourist: "Excuse me, how do I get to the library?"
Local Sarawakian: "Oh that's easy! From here, go along Jalan Datuk Abang Abdul Rahim, turn right at Jalan Tun Abdul Rahman and drive until you reach Bulatan Datuk Temenggong Abang Kipali Bin Abang Akip. Do a 3 o'clock towards Jalan TunKU Abdul Rahman, make a left at Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce and drive until you reach the roundabout at Bulatan Datuk Amar Abang Haji Suleiman Bin Haji Taha. Exit at Jalan Tun Abang Haji Openg, then turn left at Jalan Laksamana Cheng Ho. Soon you'll reach Bulatan Datuk Menteri Abang Haji Mohammad Zin Bin Haji Salleh, where you should turn into Jalan Tun Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Muhammad Salahuddin until you arrive Bulatan Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Abdillah Bin Datuk Bandar Abang Haji Mohammad Kassim."
lol a kchgian like me can't even remember all that >just realised how dumb some of those ppl are for giving the roads such long names o_O
"Angmoh tourist: "Excuse me, how do I get to the library?"
Local Sarawakian: "Oh that's easy! From here, go along Jalan Datuk Abang Abdul Rahim, turn right at Jalan Tun Abdul Rahman and drive until you reach Bulatan Datuk Temenggong Abang Kipali Bin Abang Akip. Do a 3 o'clock towards Jalan TunKU Abdul Rahman, make a left at Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce and drive until you reach the roundabout at Bulatan Datuk Amar Abang Haji Suleiman Bin Haji Taha. Exit at Jalan Tun Abang Haji Openg, then turn left at Jalan Laksamana Cheng Ho. Soon you'll reach Bulatan Datuk Menteri Abang Haji Mohammad Zin Bin Haji Salleh, where you should turn into Jalan Tun Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Muhammad Salahuddin until you arrive Bulatan Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Abdillah Bin Datuk Bandar Abang Haji Mohammad Kassim."
lol a kchgian like me can't even remember all that >just realised how dumb some of those ppl are for giving the roads such long names o_O
"Angmoh tourist: "Excuse me, how do I get to the library?"
Local Sarawakian: "Oh that's easy! From here, go along Jalan Datuk Abang Abdul Rahim, turn right at Jalan Tun Abdul Rahman and drive until you reach Bulatan Datuk Temenggong Abang Kipali Bin Abang Akip. Do a 3 o'clock towards Jalan TunKU Abdul Rahman, make a left at Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce and drive until you reach the roundabout at Bulatan Datuk Amar Abang Haji Suleiman Bin Haji Taha. Exit at Jalan Tun Abang Haji Openg, then turn left at Jalan Laksamana Cheng Ho. Soon you'll reach Bulatan Datuk Menteri Abang Haji Mohammad Zin Bin Haji Salleh, where you should turn into Jalan Tun Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Muhammad Salahuddin until you arrive Bulatan Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Abdillah Bin Datuk Bandar Abang Haji Mohammad Kassim."
lol a kchgian like me can't even remember all that >just realised how dumb some of those ppl are for giving the roads such long names o_O
"Angmoh tourist: "Excuse me, how do I get to the library?"
Local Sarawakian: "Oh that's easy! From here, go along Jalan Datuk Abang Abdul Rahim, turn right at Jalan Tun Abdul Rahman and drive until you reach Bulatan Datuk Temenggong Abang Kipali Bin Abang Akip. Do a 3 o'clock towards Jalan TunKU Abdul Rahman, make a left at Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce and drive until you reach the roundabout at Bulatan Datuk Amar Abang Haji Suleiman Bin Haji Taha. Exit at Jalan Tun Abang Haji Openg, then turn left at Jalan Laksamana Cheng Ho. Soon you'll reach Bulatan Datuk Menteri Abang Haji Mohammad Zin Bin Haji Salleh, where you should turn into Jalan Tun Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Muhammad Salahuddin until you arrive Bulatan Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Abdillah Bin Datuk Bandar Abang Haji Mohammad Kassim."
lol a kchgian like me can't even remember all that >just realised how dumb some of those ppl are for giving the roads such long names o_O
"Angmoh tourist: "Excuse me, how do I get to the library?"
Local Sarawakian: "Oh that's easy! From here, go along Jalan Datuk Abang Abdul Rahim, turn right at Jalan Tun Abdul Rahman and drive until you reach Bulatan Datuk Temenggong Abang Kipali Bin Abang Akip. Do a 3 o'clock towards Jalan TunKU Abdul Rahman, make a left at Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce and drive until you reach the roundabout at Bulatan Datuk Amar Abang Haji Suleiman Bin Haji Taha. Exit at Jalan Tun Abang Haji Openg, then turn left at Jalan Laksamana Cheng Ho. Soon you'll reach Bulatan Datuk Menteri Abang Haji Mohammad Zin Bin Haji Salleh, where you should turn into Jalan Tun Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Muhammad Salahuddin until you arrive Bulatan Datuk Patinggi Abang Haji Abdillah Bin Datuk Bandar Abang Haji Mohammad Kassim."
lol a kchgian like me can't even remember all that >just realised how dumb some of those ppl are for giving the roads such long names o_O
"Angmoh tourist: "Excuse me, how do I get to the library?"
Local Sarawakian: "Oh that's easy! From here, go along Jalan Datuk Abang Abdul Rahim, turn right at Jalan T