Some time ago, my hairstylist told me I was going through the early stages of male pattern baldness. 🙁
The discovery left me quite distraught. I’m only 24 dammit. I don’t wanna go bald! At least not during the peak of my youth.
After some consideration, yesterday I decided to do something right away instead of waiting till my hair all drop off and turn into Stone Cold Steve Austin. For the first time, I went to seek a doctor for help to give my hair some much-needed renovation.
I’ve done my research so I know exactly what I wanted – a prescription drug called Propecia. Currently, it’s one of the few clinically-proven treatment methods to solve my problem. That’s what I requested from the doc.
So there I was sitting in the consultation room. The doctor checked my pulse, checked my blood pressure, making sure I have no foreseeable allergies to the drug. Then he sat down, looked at me dead in the eyes as he went through the list of potential side effects.
Doctor: “Mr Sia, do you understand the side effects for taking Propecia?”
Doctor: “Do you understand that about 3% of all men taking Propecia will experience this?”
Kenny: “Experience what?”
It was then that I realised the doctor was actually trying to show me something. The doctor was discreetly covering his hand with a piece of paper, while flexing his index finger like this.
I stared at his finger blankly for a good 30 seconds, wondering what the hell this crazy doctor was trying to do.
Then it clicked. Of course! What my doctor meant to tell me (but too shy to say it out loud), was that 3% of men who take Propecia will experience erectile dysfunction!
Doctor: “It won’t be permanent if that’s what you’re worried about. Once you stop taking the pills, it’ll be ok again.”
Kenny: “Yes doctor, I understand that. It’s only 3% lah, so I’ll take the risk.”
Inside my heart, I’m hoping that it’ll remain this.
Then as I was sitting there, I thought, “this is awkward!”
Look, the doctor and I are both grown-ups, and here we are talking about erectile dysfunction using FINGERS?! Say the words “erectile dysfunction” lah, doctor!
I would have thought that’s the first thing doctors learnt in medical school. Their lecturer should be projecting this HUGE-ASS photo of a big throbbing penis on Powerpoint, so everyone could have a look at it, had a laugh, got ALLLLL the giggling out of their system until it actually becomes very normal for them to say “penis”.
Imagine how professional is it for a doctor to go “hmm… your little birdie might not become big bird anymore. :(”
Anyway, I think this doctor of mine must have skipped that introductory class in medical school. That’s why he ended up the rest of his medical career calling “breasts” as “boobies” or “faeces” as “poo poo”. Oi, I look like 6 years old to you is it?
On my way out of the clinic, nature called and I felt the urge to take a piss. But the toilet door was locked, so I approached the clinic receptionist and went, “excuse me miss, can I have the key to the toilet please?”
“I really need to go wee wee.”