01 April 2006

Kenny Sia Attempts To Write A Bimbo Blog

It's tough job being a male blogger sometimes.

Some people write for themselves and some people write for an audience. Like most people, I do both and I reckon did a pretty good job so far balancing them.

I do have to admit though that I don't always find writing for an audience easy at all. Most people tell me that they visit my blog for laughs. I acknowledge that. However ideas, inspiration and wit are not something that come 24/7. They go through a cyclical pattern, much like a woman's menstrual cycle.

So occassionally during my low point I get people telling me, "Eh Kenny, write something funny lah." I try to tell them "Eh friend, I'm gonna be very busy the next two weeks hor. Can you like, make my girl have PMS right now so we can get it over and done with?"

That usually shuts them right up.

It's so much easier being a female blogger.

Guys can only write so much humour, politics and technology before we run out of inspiration. For girls, they can write the same stuff if they wanted to, but they can also write a bimbo blog.

Bimbo blog is a genre of blogging that'll never go out of style. They're characterised by the blogger (usually female) posting up half-an-Internet-full-of-bandwidth-sucking photos of themselves going about doing stuff like partying, going for manicures, shopping, partying, attending fashion shows, partying, doing their make-up, partying, meeting celebrities, going on a cruise, partying, partying, partying... zzzzzzz.

Bimbo blogs may not have a lot of substance or thought-provoking content, but you know what? They're fun. And people read it. And people DIG those shit. I know I do. Just look at the female bloggers I linked to on my sidebar - half of them write darn good bimbo blogs.

I read a lot of bimbo blogs because I'm a hot-blooded male and I never stop being curious about the opposite sex since puberty.

One thing though. Bimbo blogs are strictly the realm of female bloggers. Guys can't write bimbo blogs. I mean if you're a guy and you enjoy posting up multiple hi-resolution self-indulgent photos of yourself, mannnnn... you got some serious issues to deal with, mate. Stop touching my body.

That's precisely the reason why I can't help but to feel envious of Xiaxue sometimes. I know it's a bit mean for me to say this, me being her personal friend, I love her and all that. But Xiaxue doesn't exactly write the most cheem stuff you know, and yet the advertisers LOVE her! They love her to DEATH!

I don't understand. How on God's Green Earth is one girl able to, just by writing a pink bimbo blog, attract all those companies giving her free T-shirts, free cruises, free MP3 players, free contact lens solution, free manicure, free hairstyling, etc. At the same time still able to earn MORE advertising revenue in a month than my monthly salary working 9-5.

Heck, I'm getting more hits now than Xiaxue when she first got her Localbrand endorsement. WHERE IS MY ENDORSEMENT DEAL?! WHERE IS MY DAWN YANG TALENT AGENCY CONTRACT!? Hello? Big time major corporate companies!? Does being the No.1 Malaysian blog on Technorati not mean ANYTHING to you???

Ok ok ok, maybe not.

My point is, I'm drowning in a green pool of jealousy at all these perks the bimbo blogs are getting. I think it's clear.


So I figured, why not turn into a bimbo blog? I'd love to go on a free cruise. I'd love to get a free MP3 player. If they can do it, why can't I?

I mean, how DIFFICULT could it be? All I got do is... post up many many photos of myself.


I am in a good mood today so I am going to give you all make up tips.

These are my nails.

These are my nails after I put on fake nails.

I am so pretty.

These are my eyes.

These are my fake eyelashes.

These are my eyes after I put on fake eyelashes.

I am so pretty.

This is Superstar Virgo.

They sponsored my cruise trip. I am so happy. Please support Superstar Virgo.

Here are some photos of me clubbing with my friends.

Ok gtg. In case you forgot how chio I am, here's a reminder.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

I am pretty.

Don't you think I'm so gorgeous?

08:57 PM | 256 freaking comments!! | Direct Link

31 March 2006

Of Cheese and Penguins

Alright, this is gonna be one of those what-I-had-for-lunch kinda post. Feel free to ignore if you wanna.

One of the best things about having a blog is that it does a lot of good to your stagnant social life.

Moving back to Malaysia from Perth after 8 years was a big turning point for me, because that meant losing a lot of friends and networks that I've built up over the years. But ever since I got readers coming to this site, I've been meeting new people from all over the place non-stop. And I love every moment of it.

Jasiminne the Penguin is one of the more interesting ones I met recently. At just 19, this quirky graphic design student is showing a lot of talent in photography and photo-editting. You gotta be impressed with some of her creative artwork.

Cheesillicious is another one. When I first mentioned her in my entry about The Stellars , she didn't take the avalanche of insults too well and ended up feeling distraught for several days.

Who'd have thought just 30 days later, a lot of positives came out as a consequence of that entry. I shan't divulge too much. Suffice to say, Kenny Sia here indirectly played the role of a matchmaker and *cough* found her a special someone after being featured on How cool is that?

So anyway, I was in KL over the weekend and made plans to meet up with the two girls. Couldn't get hold of Cheesie initially because she had more important things to do like attending a play.

Starbucks Espresso Tiramisu cake = 4/10.

Jasiminne and I had Starbucks and Haagen Dazs at KLCC. Camwhored a bit. It's damn difficult to control myself everytime I meet up with a hot chick ok. It's even worse when mildly suggestive sexual connotations are all over the place.

We had this phallic-looking bowl of ice-cream from Haagen Dazs.

And discovered there's this new menu item called the Melon Milkshake. Seriously, wtf?

"Hi, can I have some of your Melon Milkshake please?"


We're waiting for Cheesie but she didn't pick up our calls.

Jasiminne's pal Leonard was nice enough to pick us up from KLCC after work and ferry us around. We stopped by the KLPac (performing arts centre), which is a absolutely gorgeous. It's tucked inside a park hidden away from the hustle and bustle of central KL.

Then it's down to more camwhoring.

SEPET 3: One Chinese boy. One Chinese girl. One wardrobe malfunction.

It wasn't until much much later that evening that Cheesie FINALLY called us. By then we'd already left for dinner at The Curve.

Kenny: "Oi! How come you never pick up my phone call?"
Cheesie: "Sorry! My phone was on silent."
Kenny: "Where are you now?"
Cheesie: "In KLPac."
Kenny: "Hey I was in KLPac too! Left already lah! %#$@*!"

Apparently, we're at different sides of KLPac at the same time. Sure enough, when I looked back at the act-Sepet photo that we took...

Zoom in on the little red box. Magnify 100 times. Despeckle. Sharpen image.

Like tracing the Big Foot liddat

Holy cheese! There she is!

Finally caught up at that pancake place at The Curve.

Then it's more camwhoring (like, WHAT ELSE is there to do har?)

Jasiminne and Cheesie knew each other through my blog. Ironically, they seem more exciting meeting each other than they are meeting me.

In fact, I think they like each other more than they like me.


Even Albert doesn't know what to do in situations like these.

And finally, presenting...

The Stellars gone wrong. Horribly wrong.

01:21 PM | 52 freaking comments!! | Direct Link

29 March 2006

Questionable Hotel Souvenirs

When I was in KL, I had the pleasure pressure of staying at Imperial Hotel. Despite the regal-sounding name, it's actually a dodgy-looking hotel located in the dirtier seedier side of the glitzy Bukit Bintang.

As I took the lift up onto the 3rd floor, I noticed the cleaners were sleeping on old newspapers on the floor.

It was quite a sight. I've stayed in worse hotels before (in Saratok), but to witness the hotel staff giving you a warm welcome by sleeping on the floor - now that's definitely a first.

I paid for a Deluxe Room at a rate of RM81 per night. "Deluxe" being a relative term. Anything better than a rubbish dump is considered deluxe when compared to the other rooms of that hotel.

Of course lah, I was being damn stingy. Money is hard to come by these days ya know?

Stupid petrol price increase. And I thought AirAsia moving to the Low Cost Terminal is gonna help make flights cheaper. Why the heck is it called LOW COST terminal if you're gonna charge us HIGHER airport taxes? Brainless idiots.

Didn't wanna pay for better hotel since my flight was at 5:30am the following morning and I'd only planned to get a few hours of shut eye before I had to head out to the airport.

As it turns out, my night was spent catching up with naeboo at the mamak stalls in Bangsar till the wee hours of the morning. I ended up spending not more than a grand total 5 glorious minutes in my RM81-a-night hotel room.

What a way to waste your hard-earned money, Kenny. Well done. At least I don't have to worry about burly transexuals knocking on my hotel room door at 3 in the morning to gimme a "Welcome to KL" from my backside.

One bizarre thing I did encounter in the hotel room though, was this.

I know it's not uncommon for hotels to offer items from their hotel room as mementoes their guests can purchase. But seriously though, it baffles me why ANYONE would wanna buy second-hand crap from a dodgy budget hotel at prices that'll make Ikea look like Petaling Street?

Do they expect tourists to carry a dusty torn sofa (semen stains complimentary) all the way back to Germany or something?

Bed spread for RM200. Bed sheet for RM60. Blanket for RM180...

MATTERS PROTECTOR for RM40! What the heck is a MATTERS PROTECTOR? Protect your "matter" one is it? I thought condoms cost like RM1 only leh.

I think this condom must be special one - have LV prints all over it.

I wouldn't put this up on if it weren't for those "questionable" items they are selling. Among them...

An eye viewer? What's an eye viewer?

Fancy a used Foot Mat for RM15? Take a whiff.

Or how about a Toilet Door for RM200?

"Hey Dear, look what I've got for you from my trip to Malaysia? It's a TOILET DOOR! Happy?"

These hotel people are nuts I tell you.

04:15 PM | 86 freaking comments!! | Direct Link


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Parodied by Kenny Sia on the 1st April 2006. Happy April Fool's!