The Big Mac Chant is "Two All-Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onions On A Sesame Seed Bun!"

After seeing countless McDonald's ads on the blogs I read, I actually got pretty hungry and headed down to McD's in 3rd Mile to officially break my diet.

I walked into the outlet pretty confidently because it seems like such an easy thing to do, reciting that one line in 4 seconds or less. But trust me, it's easier said than done!

Long story short, I kinda screwed up. Badly.

I didn't win any free Big Macs because I clumsily forgot the words halfway, stuttered, stammered and finished the chant 10 seconds too late, officially becoming the worst Big Mac Chant challenger Kuching has ever seen.

Of course lah, I begged for another chance but they wouldn't let me. "One Chant, One Chance!" they say.

Fine. So I called up a few of my friends and we took matters into my own hands by playing a naughty little prank on them.

Let's just say, all the staff and patrons in the McD outlet were in for a very big surprise when they saw who walked through that door.

Heh heh heh. Guess they have no choice but to give me a free Big Mac now, huh?

We had such a big laugh over the incident that we sent our videos in for the Win RM10,000 with the Big Mac Chant online contest. Go ahead and take a shot at the big prize if you wanna.

But I betcha no one is gonna come up with a better prank than what we just did. ;)

It cums with the chef's "special sauce", you know?

Fiona Hii Mei Pei, your someone has asked me to post a message for you right here on my personal blog. Gavin has put up a lot of courage to do this, and I believe he is waiting for your answer right now.

So. What say you, Fiona? ;)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

UPDATE: Fiona said "Yes!"

Congratulations to the soon-to-be Mr and Mrs Gavin Shi!

The eventual winner of the Nissan Latio and RM10,000 Ambank Mastercard is none other than Cindy Tey.

There was a bit of a discontent among the viewers after the winner was announced. Eventhough Cindy won by the most votes, it was pretty clear she wasn't the most popular among the viewing public. But in the end, votes are votes, rules are rules and it would be terribly unfair if we were to change the rules halfway through the competition.

Nonetheless, we learnt a great deal in making this series.

Malaysian Dreamgirl has been an extraordinary journey.

It has been an incredible experience not just for the 12 girls who participated in the contest, not just for the thousands watching it worldwide, but also for all of us in the cast and crew who were involved in the production of this show.

There is a lot I wanted to say about the show.

The truth is, I've been waiting a long time to write this because there are a lot of things I wanted to get off my chest regarding MDG, but somehow I just feel like it isn't appropriate to voice it out when the show was still going on.

But now, I want to say my piece.

I first heard about Malaysian Dreamgirl back in December 2007.

Back then, no one knew what the show is about or what it is going to be like, except for the fact that MDG is gonna be the country's first online reality model search.

Nuffnang was the one who brokered the deal between myself and Capxion Media. Over coffee, Capxion CEO Jerad and Program Director Edmund gave me a rundown about what their plan for this online reality show is.

To be honest, the first time I hear it, I couldn't help but to feel a bit skeptical.

A show that is broadcasted completely online? Not even on TV?

Isn't that a bit risky? What are these people thinking?

Who is gonna spend 30 minutes sitting in front of their bloody computer watching a reality show about some model search, when the TV screen is larger and infinitely more comfortable?

Why broadcast the show over the Internet? How are they gonna handle the bandwidth costs?

There is just too much unknown.

I could see it on his face. Jerad must have heard the same skepticism from the people he spoke to a hundred times over.

The fact of the matter is: nothing like this has ever been done in Malaysia before.

Malaysian Dreamgirl back in December 2007 was like one big blur of unknown. Capxion Media was a brand new company and the people behind it had close to zero experience in producing any form of television show before. Let alone one that is gonna be broadcasted exclusively over the Internet.

There were big challenges in front of them, and the chances of them failing is very, very high.

I wasn't confident in their project at first. But a part of me couldn't help but be impressed with their idea.

These people are creative. Creative people innovate. Creative people take risks when everybody else looked at it and said "No, I am too chicken to do it."

Despite my initial skepticism, by the end of our conversation, Capxion Media had me convinced to work with them.

Jerad and his team had put together a plan that is downright impressive and virtually infallible. When I listened to him answer my questions without a shred of uncertainty, I couldn't help but be amazed at how they managed to have a solution for every single problem that I raised. Even more surprising is how they managed to attract so many sponsors for something that has never been done before.

I told Edmund, for my own sake, that I would not take part a project that is doomed to fail. But now that they had convinced me how worthwhile this project, the only thing I want to see is Malaysian Dreamgirl suceeding.

I said that with all honesty and sincerity because I share their dreams. I want to see good quality Malaysian content on the Internet. And I would do my best to ensure good quality Malaysian content is recognised the whole world over.

Thus, "Kenny Sia the MDG Judge" is born.

In my first entry about MDG, I mentioned that I was put on as a judge to represent the views of the average joes. But of course we all know that that's not true.

It is no secret to anyone that when Capxion Media hired me to become the judge for MDG that it was more for marketing reasons than anything else.

Let's face it, I don't know how to sing, don't know how to act, never been in front of the camera except for a pathetic stint Deal Or No Deal. So who am I kidding?

The only reason why I am on the judging panel for MDG is because I have a blog that is read by many, and Capxion Media wanted to leverage on that.

Now, depending on how you look at it, Kenny Sia being on Malaysian Dreamgirl can be a good thing or a bad thing.

It is a good thing, because this is the first time ever a blogger in Malaysia has been asked to go on a reality show, purely because he is recognizable as a blogger. I don't know any other company who is willing take the risk putting somebody who has no acting/hosting/modelling skills whatsoever in front of the camera. Especially in one of their first projects.

It is also a bad thing, because as many critics noticed, without any acting or hosting experience under my belt, people may not warm up to watching me on screen.

But I guess, everybody has to start somewhere right?

My actions and words irked a lot of people during the auditions in Episode 1.

I was called all sorts of names by the viewers. The general consensus was that Kenny Sia as the MDG Judge comes across as a horny guy who was overly excited everytime he sees a girl wearing short skirts coming to audition, as well as one that is utterly ruthless towards unattractive girls who don't make an effort.

And their judgment would be right. :)

That's exactly what my character should be isn't it?

If you put an average joe on a modelling contest where all the girls are dressed to kill, of course he's gonna get damn excited when hot chicks wearing skimpy clothings come through lah. No average joe is gonna sit still and behave themselves.

Unless they're monks lah.

MDG Self-Portrait: This is what each girl drew of themselves. Blindfolded.

You wouldn't imagine how many hate mails I received after that episode.

Kenny Sia as an MDG judge was rude and not a very popular person. But there are reasons why I did what I did.

My self-portrait the MDG girls asked me to draw, blindfolded

Firstly, I was playing a character, and I wanted it to be a memorable character. Because it was our first episode, I needed to make an impact. Controversy creates cash. No publicity is bad publicity. If there are people out there talking about what a horrible person I was, then that is a good thing for the show.

Secondly, it was to sensationalize the show. How boring would the auditions be if every judge were diplomatic in their words for fear of hurting girl's feelings? Elaine and Jimmy cannot afford to be too harsh on these girls because they have a reputation in their profession that they need to protect. One is a former Miss Malaysia, and the other is well-known in the fashion industry.

The only person left to do the job is me. And I don't mind because I always wanted to play the role of a bad guy. :)

But of course, now that the show is over, there are some apologies I think I owe certain people.

To the girl who auditioned in the green floral jacket, to the girl who wore the black sexy two-piece clubbing gear, to the girl whose face I said was too oily, I am sorry.

To Giselle the kindergarten teacher, I am sorry.

And I am even more sorry that I talked about you on my website. It happened because you were such a great potential and yet you didn't get through. Although I did tell you the reasons why you didn't make it, that was not broadcasted in Episode 2. And the people were confused and upset and questioning our decisions.

I should have explained politely, instead of getting in character as "Kenny Sia the mean judge" and wrote what I wrote. And for that I am sorry.

The crew behind Malaysian Dreamgirl took it upon themselves to listen to all the feedback online and they strived to improve in the production of every episode. If you watched Episode 1 versus Episode 16, you'll notice a world of difference in the production quality.

Being part of the show, I sometimes felt that there was more dramas behind the scenes than in front of it. Sometimes it's difficult for the cameras to capture everything.

Even during the audition stages, the amount of unflattering nicknames thrown around was incredible.

I swear if we were to show what actually happened behind the scenes, we are so gonna get in to trouble. People are gonna riot all the way to Capxion Media's office. Among some of the nicknames given was "Senget Face", "Klingon", "A Box With Four Things Sticking Out", "Pau Face", "Drug Addict".

Of course I ain't gonna reveal who these nicknames refer to. Otherwise I might get another "Giselle backlash" online.

Reality shows are weird, and the people behind reality shows are even weirder.

I remember in the photoshoot for Women'Secret, Cindy broke down and cried profusely because she wasn't happy with her performance. I was there at the scene and I was the first to notice her outburst of emotions.

By right, the normal thing to do is for me to go over, show my concerns and ask her what's wrong.

But because we're shooting a reality show, my immediate first reaction was "QUICK! QUICK! WHERE IS THE CAMERA!"

Looking back, that was kinda cruel.

Jay's latest photoshoot is titled "Woman With Face Cramps"

But I must say, I have a lot of fun doing the show.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to say a big thank you to Capxion Media, especially to Jerad and Edmund for giving me an opportunity to become part of the show. Thank you for having the confidence in me, flying me all the way from Kuching to KL and putting me in front of the camera knowing full well that I have no experience whatsover doing something like this at all.

Thank you to the Top 12 finalists, who have been so fantastic and so cooperative. I still have butterflies in my stomach thinking back to that evening when Ash Nair, Jonathan Putra, Hansen Lee and myself were invited over to your place for a candlelight dinner. It was like in heaven, surrounded by such beauties who cooked and fed and entertained us.

If Malaysian Dreamgirl were about the search for the perfect partner, you'll all be winners already.

Now that each of you have turned into mini-celebrities of your own, I have no doubt that you will all find success in your dream job in the near future.

Lastly, thank you to everyone who watched Malaysian Dreamgirl and accepted me for playing my role in front of the camera.

I know I had riled a lot of viewers up with my character. But don't worry, the producers have not approached me to do Season Two yet, so my involvement in future episodes is up in the air. ;)

Together, we have managed to create something so truly sensational.

Never in my life have I seen a locally-produced ONLINE series that has created so much hype, that is so widely followed around the world, evoked so much emotions among the viewers and produced so many addicts who faithfully logged on to the website every Thursday and Saturday to catch the latest episodes.

I know of even Americans, Singaporeans, Australians who sent in SMSes to vote for their favourite contestants. Imagine that!

The cult following that resulted from the show went absolutely above and beyond our imaginations. And yet, this is just the tip of the iceberg for our uniquely Malaysian made content.

Season Two of MDG will definitely be bigger, better and a lot more exciting than what we just saw.

It was such a proud moment for me watching the Top 12 strutting their stuff on the catwalk at the MDG Grand Finale.

I felt as if I was their DAD watching his 12 daughters all grown up. Wtf like attending their graduation ceremony liddat.

But nothing beat the BEST moment for me during the Grand Finale. I actually met my SUPER DUPER BIGGEST IDOL EVER in my entire life.

Cindy's Dad!

THE LEGEND HIMSELF. OMG.

But you know what? Meeting the man himself was not the coolest thing that happened that night.

Guess what the COOLEST thing was?

I got his autograph!

Oh yeah baby, who wants a piece of this? RM500 please.

My friend punya wife punya father is the Prime Minister of Malaysia, ok? If you hit me, I can call my friend to call his wife to call her father to soot you kao kao one, ok? He Prime Minister, ok?

Who wants to touch me now?

This isn't a game of ordinary pool. They called it the 9-ball speed pool.

The rules of the game sounded simple.

This is a game of speed and accuracy. Nine balls are placed on the pool table like that: six close to the pocket, and the other three evenly spreaded out across the centre.

To start, you can place the white cue ball anywhere you want.

The clock starts as soon as you strike the cue ball. The clock stops when you pocket your last ball.

The person who pockets all 9 ball in the fastest time wins.

This competition is put together by GUINNESS® in search for the best amateur 9-ball speed pool player in Asia.

GUINNESS® Black Challenge team right now are touring the whole of Malaysia, running speed pool challenges across 112 nights in 56 outlets in search for Malaysia's fastest speed pool player.

The fastest in each outlet advances to the regional playoffs. The winner in the regional playoffs advances to the national finals held in Genting Highlands this 31st May.

The winner of the national finals will then go on to represent Malaysia in the International GUINNESS® Black Challenge to be held in Jakarta this October in conjunction with GUINNESS® 9-Ball Tour Grand Final, Asia's most prestigious pool championship. All expenses paid, of course!

Anyone can join the challenge. The only condition being that you purchase a pint of GUINNESS® Draught or Foreign Extra Stout bottle at their participating outlets during contest days.

Even if you don't feel like playing speed pool, you could still dip your hand in the hole to win RM100 cash or other exclusive limited edition GUINNESS® 9-Ball Tour merchandise.

Me being me, I couldn't resist the opportunity to take a shot at Greatness.

Besides, how difficult could speed pool be anyway? I mean, 6 of the 9 balls are already close to the pocket so all I gotta worry is the other 3.

It's been a while since I practised playing pool, but I think I can still aim with my stick.

I chalked my cue stick and took it to the table. Time to put my pool skills to a test.

By "pool skills", I meant "poor skills".

Speed pool isn't as easy as it looks. Time is critical so I can't spent too much time pondering my next move.

The worst thing is, I panicked.

And because I panicked, I had trouble holding my stick still.

My balls kept bouncing all over the place.

In the end, I only managed to pocket all my balls in 2 minutes 33 seconds.

Surprisingly, the official told me that I had made a new GUINNESS® record!

Record for LONGEST time taken to complete a game of speed pool.

Another participant that night fared slightly better than me. He completed the game in 1 minute 2 seconds.

The guy ended up becoming the fastest player of that night. As a reward for his efforts, he won 10 pints of GUINNESS® Draughts, limited edition GUINNESS® 9-Ball Tour merchandise and on top of that, he will be advancing to the regional finals.

This guy has gotta buck up if he wanna go any further though. The fastest time achieved thus far in the Malaysian leg of the tour is just under 40 seconds.

Whoever that guy is, he must be really good with his stick and balls.

The preliminary rounds of the GUINNESS® Black Challenge is gonna continue on from now until the end of May at the official outlets above.

It will be tough to beat the current top marks of 40 seconds in a game of 9-ball speed pool. Whatever it is, take comfort in knowing that no matter what you do, you're gonna easily beat my pathetic time of 2 minutes 33 seconds.

Just remember to hold your stick steady.

It's amazing how one election could change so many things.

Before the elections, bloggers were condemned by government officials as if they were scums of the Earth on par with child rapists and mass murderers. One guy named Khairy even compared bloggers to monkeys.

After the elections, suddenly we have monkeys invading the parliament along with his friend, Big Foot.

Before the elections, politicians who blog are mostly those from the opposition parties. Most famously, leaders Lim Kit Siang and Anwar Ibrahim.

After the elections, even those big shots in the ruling party jumped on the blogging bandwagon.

These past two months alone, we have seen an ex-Selangor MB, the current Malacca CM and the current UMNO Information Chief all starting their own blogs.

The biggest news last week is that our former Prime Minister himself Tun Dr Mahathir has turned into a blogger as well.

So now kids, if anybody tries to tell you that blogging is a waste of time, feel free to say, "But Dr M also does it leh!"

Of course, there is a huge difference in the way these political heavyweights blog compared to the way that we from the younger generation do so. For example, these political leaders don't talk about what they have for lunch, which celebrities they met up with, or how many pink stuff from Juicy Couture they bought. These people tackle the big issues, using head-spinning words like "judicial appointment" and "press freedom" and "rising crude oil prices." Younger bloggers like us simply don't write much of such stuff at all.

What I am saying to these politician-turned-bloggers is, they should really lighten up themselves. Blogging is not just about "changing the political landscape" and all that. It's also about meeting new friends, doing crazy things and having fun. And these people don't do enough of that at all.

I mean, you are never gonna see Lim Kit Siang camwhoring like this on his blog.

Or stupid commenters like this in Dr Mahathir's blog.

Most definitely you are not gonna see Anwar joining some silly "I Sleep Better With Chipster" blog contest.

Still, I welcome these politicians joining our blogging community.

Because previously, when you say "bloggers", you immediately think bored teenage boys or attention-seeking schoolgirls putting 101 camwhoring photos of themselves in skimpy outfits. As early as 2 years ago, parents used to really hate their kids blogging.

But now, we have old politicians whose average age is 60 years old calling themselves bloggers!

I think that's a good thing. Old people using new technology is always cool. I just wish they could be more like friends with us younger bloggers, you know? Stop bashing your political rivals for once, and start coming to our blogger gatherings for a change. There's so much that we can show you.

Maybe sign up with Nuffnang or something.

Whoa, if that happens, then maybe next year's Nuffnang Bloggers Pajama Party is gonna look like this.

Ok, maybe not.

Today is exactly three years since you're gone. How have you been?

A lot has happened since I last wrote to you.

Kuching has changed quite a fair bit here and there. There's been a lot of development, especially on the retail side. Yes, I know. ;) But don't you worry, Papa. Competition is always healthy and we've been doing many things to improve ourselves.

There's a lot of new things to try out in Kuching now. Guess what? Even your favourite coffee Starbucks has opened up two outlets here. If you're around, I'm sure you'll be ordering takeaways from there everyday.

Do you get to read newspapers up there? Do you see the tribute I wrote for you in the papers. I hope you like it.

I wonder what kind of news they publish in the papers you get up there. I certainly hope they are not as biased as the ones we have here. ;)

Have you heard? BN lost heaps of seats in the last general election. Anwar's wife is now Opposition Leader. Lim Guan Eng has gone from jail to Penang Chief Minister. And Chong Chieng Jen is still the only DAP MP from Sarawak. Wonder what you think about that?

The government are kinda blaming bloggers for the political change. Although since the elections, people are paying more attention to us. Many of the older people have started blogging. Even Dr Mahathir himself has hopped on the bandwagon. Can you imagine that? Haha.

Sister and her family is doing fantastic in New Zealand.

We went over to visit her during Chinese New Year. It's been such a long time since we had a family reunion. We used to do it so often when you're around. I really miss those times.

Baby Lecia is growing up just fine. She seems to cry a lot though. But she's very cute even when she cries. Won't you love to hold her tight?

Don't worry about Jayden and Kirsten. They are goofy as always.

As for me, life has kinda turned on its head lately. Lately I've been getting a lot busier than ever. In the office, I'm diligently learning the ropes from my seniors, learning all the tips and tricks they use in business, learning how to negotiate a deal, as well as understanding all the legal and accounting terms involved.

Since the beginning of the year, I'm also getting invites to speak at various events left right and centre. There's a lot of job opportunities that have come in for me, so much so that I had to turn down most of them either because I don't have time, or because I couldn't take leave off work.

I guess the good thing is that I'm getting a lot of recognition for what I do. On the downside, I am in danger of turning into a workaholic. As soon as I got home from the office, I'm in front of the computer again, replying e-mails and keeping up with my deadlines.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy what I do very much. The income is great and the people I've been meeting are wonderful. I just think that it is difficult being a 25 year old and having to juggle so many responsibilities at the same time.

But then again, who am I to complain right?

I'm sure life for you was even more difficult back then you were 25. I know, I know. :) Back in those days, there were no mobile phones, no internet. You have to take care of your siblings when Grandpa and Grandma were at work. We don't have to worry about those things now. We are incredibly lucky. And of course I appreciate it, Papa.

Thank you for working so hard when you were young. Else, we wouldn't have enjoyed the life that we have today.

The more I think about it, the more thankful I am to you. In a lot of the interviews I did, people ask me who my biggest influence is, and I never hesitated a bit to say that it is you.

Come to think of it, I started blogging indirectly because of you too.

Now that I've found success in what I do, I stay motivated with you as my inspiration. Sometimes when I'm pulling my hair out stressing over the things I had to do, I think back at the image of you sitting alone at the study room at 1am, cigarette in hand, carefully looking through all the paperwork you pulled out of your briefcase.

That image of you is still so vivid in my head. And suddenly, it seems like my worries are all so incomparably small.

As I face new challenges each day, I look back at your life knowing that you have faced far greater challenges before, and that you never let them bring you down.

Sometimes I wonder how you managed it.

How are you able to find a woman like mom, who is so incredibly loving and supportive of what you do?

You spent so much time at work, yet everytime you come home, mom has given you the best home possible. I find that difficult to comprehend sometimes. A lot of women these days don't like workaholic career-minded men. They think they would always be competing for their time and attention, yet they don't seem to understand that a lot of what we do are for a better future.

I guess I knew why you married mom. Women like her are indeed rare these days.

It has been three years since you left us. The world has changed a lot around us.

Papa, the one thing that has remained unchanged is my admiration and adolation towards you as my father. Eventhough I feel sad sometimes that I don't have a father to go to when I'm lost, I am grateful that you have done so much for us already when you were around.

Thank you for all that you have done. Thank you for all that you have taught us. I want you to know that you are the guiding compass in my life. And you are the perfect blueprint of the man I want to be when I grow up.

Don't worry, papa. I will take care of mom. I will be humble. I will respect and treat my friends well. And I will keep my feet firmly on the ground as my hands reach for the stars.

You have my word on that.

Until next time, please take care of yourself. Stop smoking so much already and eat more healthy food, alright? :)

We love you always and we miss you very much.

Lots of love,

Your youngest son Kenny

Thank you to everyone who voted me to become your 2008 CLEO Most Eligible Bachelor of the Year.

I also would like to thank my fudder, my mudder, my brudder, my sistur and all my flengs out there. Without your support, I would never stand on stage as one of the finalists in this beauty contest for men.

Unfortunately I did not win.

That title deservingly went to Bachelor #8 Brian Lau.

Sorry.

Of course lah, I never expected to win anything anyway.

Everyone was out to put on a good show and have a good time, and we've certainly achieved that. Everyone had a rocking evening at Zouk last Friday. Not to mention, the girls who came that night were all superbly hot and dressed to kill.

The unofficial dress code for the night were tight dresses and very very very very short skirts.

Kudos to the coordinators from CLEO magazine for putting together this fantastic show.

For one, it's not an easy task getting 50 grown men listen to you. When you said "LINE UP!", you get 25 bachelors obediently lining up, while the other 25 bachelors were just laying around without a care in the world.

When you said, "Odd number stand to the left. Even number stand to my right", you get questions like "Har? What odd? What even?"

It was worse than giving instructions to a bunch of kindergarten kids.

I kept remarking to the guys backstage about how unmanly it is that a bunch of straight guys like us are joining this beauty contest for men.

All the bachelors have this ridiculous facial expression when they put on make-up.

Bachelor #1 Bonnie Arthur de Souza

Still, the guys were great fun to hang around with. Despite the fact that we are all fighting to become Malaysia's Most Beautiful Man, the atmosphere backstage was like one big frat party.

It was really weird.

One moment, you see us macho men doing girlie stuff like putting on make-up, foundation and lipstick.

Bachelor #10 Afiezan Shah getting his hair done

Next moment, you see us flexing our muscles, talking about masculine stuff like paintballing, mountain-climbing and drunken sex parties overseas.

Bachelor #10 Afiezan Shah, Bachelor #15 Jasvinder Singh and Bachelor #29 Afshin Helmitabrizi

But seriously though, and I say this in the most non-gay way possible, the guys in the CLEO's 50 Most Eligible bachelor list are all really hot.

One look at this bunch and I know I have no chance of winning.

Look at those CLEO hot knockouts getting ready to put on a show!

I thought I might have a chance against Bachelor #42 Johann Lim with his funny moustache.

But most people would still say he's better looking than me.

Anyway, Johann didn't tell me exactly what character he's playing that requires a funny moustache like that. Maybe it's for a Malaysian version of The Godfather. In that case, the official title of the show would be "Ayah Angkat".

Last year's winner for CLEO Most Eligible Bachelor of the Year, Christian Neal Capes, came up to me backstage and gave me his personal stamp of approval.

It's quite an honour to be endorsed by last year's winner, but I told him there's really no chance I am ever gonna win despite my large readership. There are 49 other guys all so much more beautiful than I am.

If there's a category for Most Cuddly Bachelor, I will win for sure.

This is the editor of CLEO Malaysia, Lynette Ow.

I half-expected the editor of Malaysia's most popular female magazine to look like some middle-aged high-school teacher barking out orders every 2 minutes. What a surprise to see her holding such a stressful job, yet still managed to look so young, hot and sassy.

Babes galore!

Stephanie Chai and Christy Yeoh dropped by for support. With hotties like that in attendance, we're all winners already.

Emcee of the evening and Mix.fm DJ Serena C with her pouty lips dangerously close to mine.

Christian Neal Capes in the background making sure there's no contact.

I seriously have no idea why he pulled a face like that. He looked as if somebody stepped on his balls.

Cheesie, fresh out of the Malaysian Dreamgirl house after losing quite a bit of weight, but still looking better than ever.

Feeling the love with Pinkpau and IcyQueenGoddess .

Su Ann is so on the roll! She came to support me for CLEO Bachelor Bash on Friday night, left for Bangkok early next morning, returned to KL only on Tuesday night just in time to support me again for our Malaysian Dreamgirl Grand Finale!

There were cheesy one liners aplenty throughout the evening.

During our opening gambit, each bachelor has to go up on stage to introduce themselves, followed by some corny pick-up line. My favourite was Adam Lobo's, "You know the reason for global warming? That's because I'm too hot!"

Musician bachelors #3 Ebi Kornelis and #6 Adam Lobo chilling backstage

My line was "I know I'm a little bit chubby... but that just means there's more of me to love!"

Dry humour, I know. But that's Kenny Sia for ya. ;)

For those who were there, thank you for the defeaningly loud cheers that night, especially to naeboo who virtually screamed her lungs out.

That girl went all out and screamed "KENNY SIA! YOU MADE ME WET MY PANTIES!!!!"

It made me even more nervous ok.

Renee, my MMU Melaka prom date, knocking me out

Anyway, like I said, I didn't go home with the big prize or win any subsidiary titles.

I know this sounds loser-ish, but it's not all about winning. The important thing is that everyone had a good laugh watching the bachelors making a fool out of themselves with their stupid acting and their bombastic dance moves during the interactive games they play with the audience.

The game I had to play was called "Private Video". I have no idea why I was assigned for this game, but that's probably my punishment for making fun of Chua Soi Lek. In this game, I had to dance with a girl from the audience to Madonna's Vogue, in the most ridiculous fashion possible.

Anyway, I tried searching online but I couldn't find any photos of me dancing. Must be because I did so badly until people are too horrified to react.

Still, a friend noted that I got the loudest cheer among the crowd. Whoa! That in itself was a big enough reward already. At least I know there is now hope for fat boys like me joining beauty contests.

The fantastic night ended pretty early around 12 midnight. One thing for sure, I'd like to see more bloggers joining CLEO Bachelor next year!

Nomination for the 2009 CLEO 50 Most Eligible Bachelor is now open, and I'm pretty sure there are heaps of good potential in the Malaysian blogging community.

Like this guy right here.

HINT: Timothy Tiah. You should join.

Feast your eyes on the brand new mobile edition of kennysia.com!

It's new. It's live. It's available right now on your mobile phones at m.kennysia.com!

Now this is actually something I've been desperately wanting to do for a long time, but never had the time to do so until recently.

With the introduction of Maxis 3G in Kuching and throughout Malaysia, a lot of people are now using their mobile phones to go online. I know because since I switched over to Maxis and hooked up with one of their Maxis mobile browsing plans, I find myself going online everywhere I go, all the time.

It's really useful.

Most of the time I'd use my phone to check e-mails or read up on blog comments whenever I'm on the run.

More recently, I've been using it to surf news sites like Malaysiakini.com, especially during election time when I wanna be informed immediately which seats have fallen to the Opposition.

It's not just me that's doing this. Everyone around me are keeping up with the trend, going online everywhere using their 3G mobile phones. But sadly those people use it for a different reason lah.

They only use it to check the latest soccer results.

Regardless what you use the Internet for, the truth of the matter is that more and more people these days are getting on the mobile web-surfing bandwagon.

As a website designer, a former software engineer and *cough* trend setter, it is therefore only logical that I create a mobile version of kennysia.com to cater for these people.

And here it is.

I call it kennysia.com Mobile. ;)

m.kennysia.com stands for kennysia.com Mobile.

It is a reworked version of kennysia.com optimised for PDAs and mobile phones.

The content is exactly the same as the original website, but I scaled everything down to so they can fit the smaller screen sizes of mobile phones.

The best thing about the mobile version of kennysia.com is that it has no ads, no fancy animation, no unneccessary graphics. Not only that, I went through great lengths to keep file sizes low, so everything loads faster on the phones and bandwidth charges are kept to a minimum.

Pretty much all the important features of the original blog is there. All the comments left by readers are there. All my older archived entries since the day I started blogging are there, all neatly sorted by categories and months.

The only thing I left out is the comment box 'cos I don't wanna have to worry about spam and such. I also left out the Chatterbox because too many crazy people are in there talking non-stop twenty-four seven.

But apart from that, I'm pretty happy with what I came up with.

It took me one full day to do the coding for kennysia.com Mobile, and it wasn't that hard.

I do hope more Malaysian blogs and websites out there can optimise their content for mobile web browsing though. Sure, nothing beats surfing the web on the desktop right now. But with 3G phones getting smaller, data charges getting cheaper and Maxis 3G coverage getting better, mobile web browsing is definitely the way to go in the future.

And those who aren't already with Maxis mobile browsing would be left behind.

Like this poor fella right here.

Adeline, Cindy, Hanis - The MDG Top 3

When we first started filming this show, these three ordinary Malaysian girls have nothing more than basic knowledge in modelling and fashion. After ten weeks of intensive modelling bootcamp, workshops, marathon photoshoot sessions, look at where they are now.

Cindy

Adeline, Cindy and Hanis have all blossomed into professional models in different ways and in the process, defeated nine other hopefuls to become the first Top 3 of Malaysia's online reality model search.

Adeline

Damn. I'm gonna miss the drama so much when the show is over.

At the same time, I am very pleased with how much they have all improved. Their photos speak for themselves.

Hanis

In the end, it is up to the public.

Judging from the comments online, Hanis seems to be the favourite at the moment, although Cindy's vicious family support seems to put her in a lead ahead of the rest.

Regardless, it is important to SMS your votes on who YOU would like to win Malaysian Dreamgirl.

To vote for CINDY, SMS DREAM 03 to 33001.

To vote for ADELINE, SMS DREAM 01 to 33001.

To vote for HANIS, SMS DREAM 06 to 33001.

SMS costs RM1 each and voting closes 11:59pm this Monday, so THERE IS STILL AMPLE TIME TO VOTE! Each vote you send also automatically enters you into a draw to win a RM10,000 preloaded AmBank NexG Prepaid Mastercard.

Who shall win the title of the first ever Malaysian Dreamgirl?

Will it be CINDY?

Will it be ADELINE?

Or will it be HANIS?

All will be revealed 6:30pm this Tuesday night at the Malaysian Dreamgirl Grand Finale at 1Utama.

I don't know who will win, but one thing for sure - I wanna get an autograph from Cindy's Dad at the Grand Finale.

My mother is confused. She has been asking me what's this whole "CLEO 50 Most Eligible Bachelors" thing-a-ma-gettin-jiggy-wit-it is all about.

Well mom, the easiest way for me to explain is that it is exactly like a Miss Malaysia beauty pageant.

But for men.

Yes mom, your youngest son is joining a beauty contest. He will be one of the 50 finalists fighting for the title of Malaysia's Most Beautiful Man. Not exactly what you picture your fattest son might be doing 10 years ago, but sometimes in life, we need to face some difficult questions.

Questions such as, "WHY IS MY SON JOINING A BEAUTY CONTEST?"

It's not like I expect to win anything, of course. I know what I look like. I look in the mirror every morning and I know I ain't pretty.

But in a way it's good, because the only chance I have taking part in a CLEO 50 Most Eligible Bachelors is in Malaysia. That's because our Malaysian CLEO is much tamer and toned-down compared to the other CLEO magazines around the world.

If I were to compete in CLEO Singapore, I know I could never get in anywhere near the Top 50.

That's because I'm gonna have to pose like this.

If his name is Daren Tan (with one 'r'), my name is Keny Sia (with one 'n').

Or worse, in CLEO Australia, like this.

Holy cow.

Luckily this is CLEO Malaysia, and luckily I can still keep my clothes on. All of it.

Luckily.

Anyway, like I said, I have no chance in hell of winning the title of Malaysia's Most Beautiful Man this Friday.

This year's list is full of ACTORS and SINGERS and NEWSCASTERS and MALE MODELS.

#16 Adrian Loh

How is a BLOGGER gonna compete with all these people?

#41 Owen Yap

Those profession by default are already pretty high up on every girl's sexy list. Compare that with me who lists his profession as an "IT Director/Blogger".

Go ask any girl if she'd like to date a blogger, and I gerengtee you she'd laugh until her teeth fall off.

#3 Ebi Kornelis

Fine, with competition like that, I'm not gonna win the CLEO Most Eligible Bachelor of the Year title. I had high hopes becoming Malaysia's first fat bachelor, but I know that's not gonna happen.

The only way I could win is if I talk shit about the other Bachelors, but the thought of 49 Bachelors going after me with their stick... a stick this Friday night is pretty scary.

So I tried winning people's votes over with witty answers during my Q&A, but I don't think that worked out either.

Since I can't win the big Miss Malaysia prize, the least I could aim for is some subsidiary title, correct?

There are five categories up for grabs: Bachelor You'd Have Coffee With, Best Groomed Bachelor, Most Adventerous Bachelor, Bachelor You'd Get Hot & Sweaty With and Bachelor With Sexiest Eyes.

#11 Prem. This is what Bruce Willis would look like if he's an Indian

Out of those five, the only two subsidiary titles that don't require any physical beauty is "Most Adventurous Bachelor" and "Bachelor You'd Have Coffee With".

Obviously, knowing my uhhhh... physical shortfall, I thought those are the titles I'd at least have some chance of winning.

Besides, I reckon I'm pretty adventurous with coffee - I once drank hot coffee on the plane that was shaking like crazy. It was very adventerous.

Anyway, online voting is now closed and the results are out.

For the five subsidiary titles of CLEO Bachelor, the winners are:

Bachelor You'd Have Coffee With: Ebi Kornelis.

Best Groomed Bachelor: Ebi Kornelis.

Most Adventurous Bachelor: Ebi Kornelis.

(The most daredevil thing he's done is parasailing in Sabah because "the wind is very strong")

Bachelor You'd Get Hot & Sweaty With: Ebi Kornelis.

And Bachelor With Sexiest Eyes: Ebi Kornelis.

Look, I am not bitter about losing, but this is ridiculous.

Not only did Ebi Kornelis win all five subsidiary titles, he won with an amazing high margin of at least 40%. I won't be surprised if he takes out the CLEO Bachelor of the Year title this Friday.

But seriously, who the heck is this EBI KORNELIS guy?!

His talent is singing, playing guitar and MAKING IKAN BAKAR.

For someone like than to be able to win all these subsidiary titles, his ikan bakar must have tasted really really really good.

I don't wanna say it, but could there be some *cough*vote-rigging*cough* going on?

I dunno. All I know is that BERSIH should stop campaigning for "clean and fair elections", and concentrate on more important things like campaigning for "clean and fair CLEO Bachelors".

If not, then I think this year's competition is gonna require a new name.

Ikan bakar, anyone?

Over the weekend, I was invited by IDC to speak at their Directions 08 Conference in Singapore.

IDC is a huge international marketing research group much like AC Nielsen, and their Directions 08 conference was one of their bigger events where delegates from Dell, HP, Microsoft, etc reportedly paid some SGD$680 each just to attend this one-day conference!

Goodness! The only time I would pay THAT much money to attend a conference is if Mariah Carey is the speaker and I get to Touch Her Body afterwards... I mean, LISTEN to her sing 'Touch My Body' afterwards.

Anyway, my purpose on the the conference was as part of a 4-person panel, talking about what us Generation-Y bloggers think about the Internet trends. Joining me on the panel were social media blogger Daryl from Singapore, tech blogger Victor from Hong Kong and sex blogger Meenakshi from India.

Our panel session lasted for 35 minutes, and I think I spoke for a grand total of only like just 10 minutes.

The coolest thing about speaking at a large-scale conference like this is that these people fly you in and let you stay at some super expensive swanky 5-star hotel that I would never be able afford on my own.

The even cooler thing is that sometimes these hotel rooms are all booked out. When that happens they automatically upgrade you to a suite.

Yes, a friggin' SUITE!

Complete with separate living room and bedroom!

Damn nice marbled bathroom with a jacuzzi!

What more?

They even gave us not one, but TWO RUBBER DUCKIES in the bathtub!

OMG.

Of course I was excited! Not everyday I get to play with rubber duckies.

Oh, and also get to stay at a suite in the Grand Copthrone Hotel in Singapore, just for talking 10 minutes about blogging. :P

I know, I hate myself sometimes.

On Saturday night, I met up with Stickgal at CHIJMES.

As you can see, Stickgal looks nothing like the stick figures that she draws, but she is definitely just as animated.

The funniest thing happened before my return trip at the Changi airport.

The flight to Kuching was delayed and we were given meal vouchers to redeem at the airport food court.

So I while was there at the food counter, waiting for the uncle to prepare my bowl of noodles, this middle-aged Indonesian lady who obviously speaks very limited English came up to him and asked.

Lady: "Ah Gua?"

Uncle: "Har? What Ah Gua?"

Lady: *pointing towards the uncle* "You! You! Ah Gua?"

Uncle: "Har? No! No! I not Ah Gua leh!"

Lady: "No! No! Ah Gua! Ah Gua!"

Kenny: "Eh Uncle, I think she's asking if you sell water or not. Water is called Aqua."

Uncle: "HAR? How come water call Ah Gua?"

Here's a guy who could walk into Zouk one and a half hours too late, sing for just 30 minutes, and then leave with hundreds of teenage girls still gasping for breath and their panties halfway hanging.

It doesn't matter the fact that he is big, black and looks like the size of five Kenny Sia all combined into one. As soon as he opened his mouth and sang his "You're way too beauuuuutiful girl", instantly all his sins are forgiven.

Despite the hot crowd reaction, I gotta say Sean Kingston's performance was disappointingly a lacklustre affair. The guy brought along two backup rappers, four bad ass bodyguards and one deejay onto stage just for his piss weak 30-minute long "concert".

It was so bad, it made me... "Sui-ci-dal. Sui-ci-dal". Until I wish it's over.

The botak guy with the tulan face on stage is Sean Kingston's body guard

Come to think of it, it was the DJ he brought in that did most of the work entertaining the crowd.

The DJ played all of Sean Kingston's music complete with pre-recorded vocals. All Sean Kingston did was rap on top of the tracks the DJ played. Please lah, you calling that a concert?

When Sean Kingston gets hungry, he eats microphones

Since the concert was held in Zouk, I thought after the event, Sean himself might do the right thing and hang around the club to interact with the crowd a bit more.

But noooo. Immediately after the concert, Sean Kingston was no where to be seen.

My guess is that he had probably "moved to the tropics, sip pina coladas". And he didn't even bother to "take me there."

Still, although the "concert" was bad, I gotta thank Hotlink and their excellent PR team for sending me the invite to this event. At least I know what a lazy overrated slob Sean Kingston is now.

The only saving grace about Sean Kingston's whole 30-minute-long World Tour concert?

Watching that huge gigantic round blob actually DANCE on stage.

Me love.

When I was in Uni, going to a prom means going to some boring overrated dinner at some boring 5-star hotel hosted by some boring emcees.

The old tired formula NEVER EVER changes.

Recently, when the organizers of the MMU Melaka Mystique prom night called me up inviting me to be a guest at their event, I was pretty much anticipating the same thing.

My expectations weren't high. To start with, the prom was organized collectively by three student societies, namely the Business & Law, Engineering and IT societies of Multimedia University.

I have been to many events organized by students before. I know what it's like.

I wasn't expecting anything extraordinary like some stylo mylo VIP corporate event. Because let's face it lah - this event is organised by Uni students.

Students don't have much money to spare.

I know that because when I was in Curtin, I used to organize a lot of events myself.

One of the biggest problems we as students always run into is: NOT ENOUGH $$$$$. It's damn near impossible to extort... extract money out of our sponsors because they never see much benefit in doing so.

On top of that, it's difficult to get anyone to come to our events because we were so crap in our job.

So imagine my surprise when I found out that not only was the prom fully sold out in two days, these kids have enough money to rent out the entire Grand Ballroom at the Equatorial Hotel Melaka, hire Soo Kui Jien, Stephanie Chai, Estraged, Pop Shuvit and myself to provide entertainment, and STILL have enough money left over to donate to World Vision for charity!

Kids these days are sooooo lucky ok.

This is the vivacious Stephanie Chai.

She's one of the few Kuching girls who's doing exceptionally well in the KL entertainment circles.

Most people would recognize her from the countless magazine covers that she has graced, but lately I get to see her a lot because of that ad she did with Starhill Gallery which is always playing at the KLIA Express train.

Azwin Andy where are you staring?

Steph and I shared a car from KL down to Melaka. Not only is she the most down-to-earth celeb I've met, she's a fantastic companion to travel with as well.

Throughout the trip, we swapped stories about Kuching, people we know, our jobs and our relationships. It made the two hour long journey seems a lot a shorter than it is.

Unfortunately, I was the one driving and we arrived late. It's all my fault because of my super l33t na\/iGati0n skillz that even saw us ending up in a police station compound after making a wrong turn.

This is Jien, host of Malaysian Idol and most recently ESPN Star Sports.

I don't like him.

Many times during the prom, there would be some hot chicks standing in a corner, giggling and pointing towards my direction squealing “omg he’s so cute!”

Then I would shyly wave back at them and smile, but they would not respond. Then I realised it was because Jien standing behind me.

That is why I hate that bugger.

This is Renee. She is my prom date for the evening.

Coincidentally, Renee was also last year’s prom queen. That's cool because it's not everyday you can get to date a prom queen, even if it's just for one evening. ;)

On the other hand, I was lousy as her prom date.

Not only did I arrive late, I forgot to give her the traditional corsage. And most of the time the prom date was left alone at the table while I was busy taking photos to use in this blog entry.

The organizers were right in inviting Steph and Jien to emcee the prom. They were both fantastic and entertaining throughout the evening.

Considering how little preparation time they had, they did such an amazing job. Stephanie especially was lamenting to me how unprepared she was. She was only told what to do when she arrived at the venue.

Those two joked, danced, made everyone laugh and injected life into the party. I wish I could do what they do. They were so natural on stage and not once did they stutter or skip a beat.

Except maybe for this one time when they asked the VIPs to go on stage for the gong-sounding, only to stop halfway because they don't know where the bloody gong was.

Ok lah, to be fair, that "thing" didn't actually look like a gong. It's not one of those heavy brass ones they use at Iban longhouses.

Still, it is a gong.

But it isn't just any gong.

It's a freakin' MULTIMEDIA SUPER DIGITAL GONG.

Dun pray pray ok. That thing is so CANGGIH it can project POWDERFUL laser out of its surface when they hit it with a stick.

Those crazy Malaccans. Always like to do things differently down there.

Soon, it was time to announce the nominees for Prom King and Prom Queen.

Now, here's the cracker. For Prom King and Queen, the nominees weren't judged by how they look or how well they're dressed. Instead, each nominee are required to go on stage and perform their "special talent".

I gotta say, I was absolutely head over heels over how much effort each nominee put into their performances.

First up was Prom King nominee Q-bert.

Q-bert is a stereotypical engineering geek with a funny name and two botak lines on the side of his head (Jien described it as "No Parking" zone). For his act, he sung his lungs out like a reject on Malaysian Idol.

Next came Prom Queen nominee Joanne.

She came out and did what I thought was an extremely boring slow dance with Q-bert.

THEN SUDDENLY.

They broke off and abruptly changed into this energetic number to the catchy tune of "I like big butts and I cannot lie".

It was complete with dance moves so hilariously over-the-top I could not stop laughing the whole entire time. It was more "cheerleading" than "prom dance" and the crowd absolutely loved it.

Needless to say, those two won the titles of Prom King and Prom Queen respectively.

Q-bert and Joanne weren't the only notable dancers of the night.

For the award of the prom night's Best Couple, the crowd narrowed down the selections to two guys and one girl. Steph and Jien stipulated that there must be an impromptu "dance off" to determine which two should be crowned Best Couple.

Naturally, you'd think that the two guys would compete for female attention right?

Wrong!

What happened instead was the poor girl being kicked to the side.

And the two guys danced with each other so passionately until their dance included THIS MOVE.

What the hell was THAT!

LOOK MA, IT'S THE PROM MONSTER WITH FOUR ARMS AND FOUR LEGS.

Ridiculous.

Everyone was so speechless they had no choice but to make those two winners for Best Couple.

Good thing the night was saved by Pop Shuvit and Estraged.

If you don't know already, those two are among the best of the best live bands in Malaysia and they completely rocked those psychologically-traumatised students.

The prom started at 8pm and before long, it was already past midnight and time to wrap up the event. Time flies when you're having fun.

Now, this is when another corker of the night happened.

After the prom night ended, the organizers arranged to have Steph, Jien, Pop Shuvit, Estraged and myself escorted out to the foyer for a photoshoot session with the students.

That's fine, right? They hired us, the students paid for their tickets, so it's perfectly reasonable that we stay and mingle around with them.

But get this.

We were escorted out by RELA and HOTEL SECURITY.

Outside the Grand Ballroom was the maddest reception I have ever personally witnessed.

Cameras were flashing non-stop as if we're surrounded by paparazzis and everyone was trying to get their pictures taken. It was a rare moment of photo frenzy.

But surely, we don't need RELA to give us protection. These are MMU students, not Hindraf protestors ok!

When we're done and wanted to go back to our hotel rooms, a staff approached us and asked if we wanted to escape using the back door.

I was stunned. Suddenly I have no idea whether to cry or laugh at that suggestion.

On one hand, I could feel my coconuts instantly grow one size bigger. On the other hand, they're talking to this guy who flies AirAsia, takes public transport and eats RM2.20 kolo mee by the roadside wearing just shorts and slippers.

Please lor. I am just Kenny Sia. Not Madonna.

So I reckon I could make my way to the hotel lobby without much problems thankyouverymuch.

Kudos to the organizers for doing such an amazing job putting together this prom night.

The food was great, the show was entertaining and the people were fun. I know I had fun.

It's such a big difference comparing it to my University prom night. My Uni prom night was so bad, to make the comparison with theirs would be like comparing Princess Diana with Amy Winehouse.

The tagline for the Mystique 2008 is "A Fairytale Ending".

I guess for everyone who attend the prom, their evening did have a fairytale ending.

Everyone. Well, except for me.

Because eventhough Renee my prom date was fantasticly patient, my night was completely ruined with the image of THIS forever burned into my head.

The horror.

Next time you see this creature, it'll be in a Spiderman movie. As the bad guy.

Spidey is gonna have his hands full with this one.